|Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.|
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?
Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
|08 Jul 2004||angel of darkness||im 13 years as i write this, but when anyone reads this ill be 14. when some people think about their b-day---a party starts to form in their head. thats only some. for me- when i saw my b-day on the calender i thought- 'oh great, another shitty year come and gone'. for how long ive been thinking this--well i really dont know. there may only be 13 years under my belt--but i still know more of some things than others. well let me tell you why im writing all this. when i was-oh about 3 years- my parents divorced after countless fights and arguments. my mom had full custody of me--my dad was an alcoholic/drugie. one day- i think it was close to christmas- mom said i ws never going to see her again- boy she was right. she put me up for adoption. my life has been hell ever since. some old lady adopted me. all she ever did was sleep, eat and yell. then one day she brought me to the store- i was about 5 or so- she left me for a while in the toy aisle. then this guy came up to me-took me outside and- oh i bet you can guess what happens next- he raped me in his car. he brought me to a local orphanage and said he found me on the streets. a few weeks later this fairly rich lady adopts me. i had the time of my life with her- until she got married to this drugged up fucking son of a bitch. whenever she would go out he would make me his 'slave for a day'. if i didnt do something right- he hit me- whether it be with the back of his hand or a baseball bat. after about 2 years the chic puts me up for adoption. then another old lady adopts me. i live with her until she dies- then i go live with her son who has a wife and 2 snot assed kids. i became socially isolated at the age of 8. ive lived with this family until about a year ago. although these last few years have been better than usual, the pain wont go away. 2 years ago is when i joined the unfortunate cutters society. everyday i would take a knife and dig it into my skin until it bled. why do you ask? because i need to feel the scream inside of me-i need to see the blood drop to the floor. one day i just decided to die. i wrote a note in which it said that i was sorry for leaving if anyone truly cared and that i slit my wrists. of course- the one min. out of the years that someone comes into my room just has to be then. they rush me to the ER. i was in there for a few months while i recovered. i did that 1 more time. the other 2 times i slit my throat and stabbed myself in the stomach. each time someone found me before i could die. now i write to you in a psychiatric ward. here i get to talk to a counsellor 2 times a day. im able to talk to the people here cause they know what its all like. and after about a month here ive been thinking. after 4 times or so of trying to kill myself- something much more powerful and mysterious has kept me here. why? i dont know. but i have found out that everyone has some sort of purpose- small or big. like this one very scared (of everything) boy down the hall tells me almost everytime i see him- everyday i thank god that youre there for me to talk to- and honestly it brings tears to my eyes after thinking about how much i can help him. that small of a thing is my purpose for now. and maybe one day all of humanity can find the inner peace that some have already found. life is a constant adventure that will never end. i hope none of you go through the shit i did. and if you do- just remember that there's always someone else in your corner too.|
|29 Jun 2004||Mauvais||CHRIS, yes famous chris, the chris everyone knows and hears about. I know you've seen what i've put and i honestly need you to e-mail me. I need you back. Everytime i was suicidal, cut, i had you to talk to. Tonight i cut, tried to kill myself again. I have 3 bottles of my pain meds right now, If you can just e-mail me, i miss u|
|27 Jun 2004||mdcracker||why, hellooo ya'll!!
when you are suicidal whatever you do, don't suddenly become relgious!! I've got nothing against suicide but religion is the most fucked-up bullshit in the world. Seriously, it contradicts itself, it's irrational, it's distorted by human behaviour, and there's about 10 billion of them! Think about it: there's are billions of different religions and each religion has followers who truely beleive in that religion. Take the towel-heads for example. They beleive in it so strongly that they kill themselves just to get to heaven. And so with that in mind, if each of the ten billion different religions only believes in one god, then 99.999% of all of them my be wrong. Why THE FUCK should you believe some Christian because he says he's right and THEY'RE wrong?!! Perhaps there is a god, but there sure as shit isn't any religion. As if someone so perfect (which he would have to be) would create something so completely faulted and hypercritical as the bible and modern (and past) Christianity. Like the inquisition, that was in the name of god. So what the fuck? has his name changed so much in 400 years? I doubt it. Anyway the point of this is to say don't let your state of mind allow you to be convinced into a religion. It's so damn wrong how the religious people pray on depressed people. And they do, as far as my personal experience goes.
|19 Jun 2004||Chris||I recently read an article in the Sunday Times of London which sent a shiver down my spine. Microsoft's British engineers have just launched something called the Sense-Cam and once again science fiction is set to become part of our daily lives. The Sense-Cam is a tiny device, which can easily be disguised as a badge or a brooch, that can capture up to 2000 images every twelve hours. These images can then be downloaded to a computer and heaven knows what done with them. Just think about it guys, when you leave the house in the morning and your mother or wife pins your Sense-Cam to your shirt you had better behave for the next twelve hours because you will be handing it over for scrutiny at the end of the day... No more "what a day I have had at college/work" when you have been fishing all day! And talking of work or college, I presume there would be nothing to stop your boss (the one that pays you, not the one in the skirt at home) dishing out his own Sense-Cam for you, then there is your aunty who worries that you aren't eating properly, and your bank manager, and doctor, and the government, and your sister in America and... you get my point, I'm sure. It would be a very short time until you couldn't walk for the weight of your Sense-Cams all issued by those who want to control every bit of your life. Although I'm certain that they would soon find a way to share the pictures. Bill Gates is apparently so excited that he asked for two prototypes for his own children. I bet his kids are not quite so excited about the fact that he can now monitor their every move. Personally it would give me nightmares if I knew what any memebers of my family were doing every waking minute of their day, I worry enough as it is without having it all confirmed digitally. I can't even begin to imagine my own life if anyone close to me ever got his/her hands on one of these damned things. It just doesn't bear thinking about, no more beach, no more bars, no more admiring the girls in their summer clothes (or lack of them), no more feet up and with a book, coffee and cigarette while supposed to be decorating the lounge... stop now! Life is not worth living how it is, even with all the the simple private pleasures we enjoy, let alone without them. Microsoft people are promoting the fact that the Sense-Cam will make it possible for everyone to have a visual diary of their lives and generations to come will be able to see how we really lived. I'm sorry but I would spin in my grave if my great grandchildren were checking out exactly how dull and boring their great granddad Chris really was... no one thinks that I have a life now. Jim Carrey I certainly am not and turning my life into the Truman show with a Sense-Cam would probably make the world's dullest viewing.
See ya in hell!
|17 Jun 2004||Mouchette 2||go HERE: http://www.creativetime.org/artonplaza/current.html ... ... This "minimalist sculpture with a human presence" is by FAR my favorite in all of the art I have experienced in New York this spring. "Breath" conceals a sound system that emits four religious vocal tracks from the traditions of : Buddhism, Christianity, Islam, and Judaism. To see it, I walked from the Lower East Side all the way down to the bottom of Manhattan island to the Ritz-Carlton Plaza. I was drawn into and then transformed by this truly powerful work. Please visit Breath. It will be available through January 2005.
|15 Jun 2004||Mauvais||Chris, this is to you. I havent talked to you in a while and im sorry, i miss u and am worried. e-mail me alright. please.|
|02 Jun 2004||Me@Hook||I delved deeply into meditation for many years, and those meditations allowed me to see that this world is full of vain, self-justifying and callous people.
I realized that most people are blind animals driven by fear and a need to perpetually hurt and lie about others in order to give themselves a sense of self-esteem. Because those people were all christians I found the correlation between manifest ignorance and christianity to be inseparable.
In that moment I realized that christianity was an entirely false religion which has destroyed and seriously retarded human evolution.
Because of this realization, I was eventually able to recieve a greater transmission of gnosis within my life, a gnosis which has enabled me to fend off an entire army of ignorant, slandering and disgusting people who were never even human to begin with.
I realized that they are the reason why christianity exists, because the religion itself acts as a mechanism to justify all the evil and disgusting hatred they project into life itself. Insanely... they are in every sense of the description the "beast" or animal minded mentioned in their book of revelation. We can see this plainly, because they are - even now - too stupid to realize that the book of revelation was actually written for them, describing them.
|30 May 2004||Chris||Heya, im 16 now and sometimes feel suicidal but im not gonna complain about it! I just sat here for 2 hrs reading this site and iv cried all that time! guys youve got to sort yourselves out!
whenever im feeling down u know what i do? i go and watch "saving Private Ryan" or "Armageddon"! im telling u they are both gr8 films and both r upsetting but when u watch them all the way through, the end will really have a gr8 effect on you!
u'll feel that u really want to do something to make the world a better place!
I'm changing, u can too!
talk to me, we can listen to eachothers problems: firstname.lastname@example.org
|23 May 2004||inconsiderate people||The person who wrote under the name of RETARDS should shut the fuck up. The only reason you never thought of killing yourself is because you havent been through shit. Oh yeah sure you had some hard times in your life but not nearly as fucken hard as most people writing on this website. Even the storys they tell probably isnt the half of the reason why they want to kill themselves or have thought of killing themselves. Did you CLOSED MINDED FUCKS ever think that the people that have abusive family problems or any other problems have a little bit more to their stories that they dont want to share. I mean fucken christ, I seen a man get shot in the fucken head when i was child and you dont think that shit has an effect of how you take other problems through out your life. Next time you fuckers write shit saying its stupid to think about killing yourselves, consider the fact that you dont know what the fuck theyd been through.|
|17 May 2004||Chris||Argh, I'm still here, and a bigger loser than ever. I've just lost two pounds and I'm devastated. Yes, I know that that statement makes me sound like the meanest person on earth, after all who could be so upset at losing a couple of pounds. But the fact is, that was two pounds too far when added to the probably hundreds I have lost over the years. I'm not describing the results of a gambling problem or even acute carelesness with money but a complete inability to successfully complete any transaction with a machine. This latest drain on my definitely finite resources came as result of simply wanting to buy an international phone card from an automated vending machine. It came as no surprise that this particular piece of technology ate my two pounds note. I have had a running battle with vending machines since I could reach a chocolate machine with a few quid. I have grown used, over the years, to coming away from these encounters poorer in cash and magnificently unencumbered by the goods or services I was hoping for.
When my mate gives me money to deal with the vending machine in a car park, car parks consistently refuse to let us in and if they do, then as sure as night follows day we will be begging someone to help raise the barrier to let us out. The government health authority could save themselves the trouble of trying to stop me smoking by the simple expediency of making cigarettes only available from machines, at a stroke I would then be totally unable to ever get hands on a packet.
I dare not even contemplate the world of ATM cash machines which everyone else finds so convenient, knowing as I do, that my card will only disappear but my pressing the wrong button I will instantly transfer my meagre savings to some fucking girl's account miraculously (which is just a staging post for it before it then finds itself in the account of a shoe shop)!
So here I am halfway through the first decade of the twenty first century completely in the thrall of inanimate vending machines which continue to cast their evil influence over me and my cash, and as each year passes it becomes increasingly worse... I admit it. The machines have me beaten.
See ya all in hell.
|06 May 2004||Some old Slapper who loves to hate Mouchette.... and Morgan Todt||For some reason I've made it my business to slam Morgan Todt. I don't like her. She tries to write gracefully but her messages suck.
First of all, we can see viruses.... with a microscope. Second, who in society is giving you the message, what you see is what you get? I don't remember hearing that anywhere. But anyway, I can't see you, why do I believe you exist? I can't see my brain, why do I believe it exists? Because I am conditioned to? I don't think so. There's good evidence for it.
No Morgan, it is not strange that people look up into the night sky and have a hard time believing in God. One good reason is because when people think of God, they think of that stupid ass mother fucker God that is presented in the bible. Surely the universe would be insane if that crazy son of a bitch actually existed. I would have to kill myself.... or kill him. Talk about cultural conditioning!!!! Hmmmm, you don't think people have been conditioned to believe in the Bible based on.... nothing convincing, in my opinion.... although in my own words I would say something like, "stupid ass old bull shit that doesn't even fuckin matter anymore". "This is it, what you see is what you get" sounds familiar. Sounds like the bible, sounds like religion.
But anyway, on a positive note, when people look up in the night sky, most DO NOT have trouble having a feeling of awe and wonder at the universe, and ponder questions of life. I don't know who you've been hanging around. However, people do, as they should, have a hard time comprehending how a fucked up psycho bastard like the Christian God could possibly exist. And that is a good thing because he does not exist.
In conclusion Morgan, only you are the one who thinks that people are too stupid to comprehend the greatness of the universe and only you assume what you see is what you get.
|05 May 2004||sharayah a lonely soul||im hurting really bad and am in pain. all i think is DEATH< DEATH. i hate life. im not a good person, i used to be a christian i had my life going great but i was depressed most of the time and then i lied to one of my good friends and they disowned me . they hate me now over one lie, i became more depressed, i was gonna kill myself on her birthday, i just wanna be noticed i guess, and ever since then i have lost all most of my friends and not too long ago i thought pot would help me feel better take away the pain the heart ache. there IS NO POINT TO LIFE!!! i was hurting, i got into alcohol and got drunk to make me forget i existed. sometimes i lay in my bed not wanting to wake up and cry for everything i did. even though God forgave me i cant forgive myself i have tried hanging myself but at the last second i also chickened out. i held a gun to my head and when i finaly had the gut to pull the trigger i realized the gun had no bullets to end me. ive took pills and took the whole bottle i didnt die obviously cuz they pumped my stomach. i tried drowning myself, i just got to scared. u see..................... i hear these voices in my head telling me im nothing and its not worth living. no one likes me anymore and i have no friends whatsoever now, i stay in my room staring at the wall and picture in my head the worst possible ways to die. i just want my friends back. my life is over its ruined and i know many of you out there got it alot worse but it matters what you feel inside your heart , my heart is black and im dying slowly from pain and loneliness, the best way to kill yourself i guess would be not doing it all and just trying to hang in there. thats what im doing, trust me i think about it all the time, and nothing changes, for those who still have a chance to live and feel again take God with you, cuz i heard once you got God, he will always be there, i cant do that no more, ive already been damaged for ever and cant ever get up, for those who can get up and are just to weak ask God to help as for me
.........im dead eternally
..........just like everyone wants me to ...........be
|03 May 2004||gabriellerenee420||Why not gain some control over the the way stupid fucking emotions affect your out look on life?(Emotions that are just chemical reactions in your brain to hormones like seritonin, endorphins, dopamine, estrogen, etc or lack there of, each mixing with the others in response to old memories or current thoughts). That's really what drives suicide... that and good old fashioned fear... the chicken shit mentality.... Why not attempt a more logical though process that says " I won't be robbed of my joy, peace or life!" Why not learn how to tell the world to KISS YOUR ASS, that you refuse to be so shallow as to let their opinions, rules or thoughts of you and your life cause you pain or rob you of your life!? And as for school counselors? They sucked way back when while I was in school and I"m sure they suck now. Anyone debating suicide has to think about these things.... YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS IF YOU REALLY WANT TO, BUT IT TAKES WILL AND BIG HAIRY BALLS!!! lol I've attempted suicide, my cousin committed suicide and was sent back by angels that told her she was totally deceived into killing herself. That Christ had peace and joy for her that was robbed. She was told that evil demonic forces had drawn her to her death through false manipulative means.
See she wanted to kill herself because her best friend and her were both raped by the same guy in the back of his car after he'd kidnapped them when she was 18. Her friend couldn't hang... she wouldn't get help, so she remained a victim. she gave herself back over to that man by committing suicide. She said "you win"... my cousin didn't handle her suicide well. she felt betrayed by her bf. she felt that her best friend left her when they were suppossed to survive together. So... my cousin killed herself, but was brought back, and told to share her experience with others to save them from the evil behind it.
it's really not as poetic as it sounds. it's a sad manipulation of society....
I hope this enlightens someone, and I hope I haven't offended anyone. It's just my own thoughts and opinions. I pray each one that reads this finds the TRUTH in their life.... not the lies that would await them in suicide.
"Children" deserve a shot at changing this fucked up world. Bailing out before your time is really rather selfish.... the same selfishness that drives the people that have hurt them... the truth is we all need a lot more attention... we all need our NEED MET already. I found mine being met through my own persuit for the TRUTH. I found it in Christ. Now granted the BULLSHIT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH DAY TO DAY IS STILL THERE, but I'm not sad and it can kiss my ass... I refuse to sad anymore.
Paul (a guy in the bible) said "Don't let people look down on you because of your age, but rather be an example of what they should already be, and example of Christ." Timothy was just a teen, but already ministering to MANY PEOPLE... MANY ADULTS!
Hmm... something to think about....
|02 May 2004||*chris||dude you guys are stupid.. like FORREALS MAN. u guyz say u hate ur parents n crap? wdf?? and everyone messes with you n shit. WDF?? u guyz are all making a big mistake.. cuz.. if it wasnt for ur parents u wouldn't even be able to type in this fukkin forum shit. and u wouldnt b able to have da clothes u got on ur back stupidassez. n if ur wanting to commit suicide cuz u think everything is all fucked up.. its maybe bcuz YOU ARE. maybe the actionz u do are fucked up. thatz y ur getting a big slap back at your face for all the wrong u've done. and all u fuckerz that are encouraging others to suicide.. u are fREAKZ. weird people these dayz man.. i swear. yall is stupid thatz wut i think.|
|28 Apr 2004||Chris||I have to agree with an earlier comment and quote this "the hardest thing to do in this world is to live in it" i agree with this point truth is im weak i dont want to "kill" myself i just want my life to stop cease to exist i dont want an after life i just want to stop everything.|
|16 Apr 2004||Chris||Hey Mouchette, I should be honoured to be offered this work of art... but I really don't know (probably you offered it to different people you fancied)! Some questions: When did you start it? Why did you start it? Has it developed the way you wanted it to? Are you happy with it? Why do you want to give it away? Did someone else give it to you or where it all your ingenous, original idea? Is it difficult to run a site? Is it free of charge (If not, look for someone else cos I cannot afford any money to run sites!)? How many times a week do you update to keep it alive the way you do? Do you recieve your e-mails in your normal account or is there a completely different account dedicated to this thing only? Is it traceable to any country, any account, any person in the world? Is it totally legal? How serious are threats of people threatening to sue or press charges on mouchette or trying to close down the site? Can they actually get the power of doing that? Will it be only me or do other people can have access to editing the site? What will be the control and what can I actually do on the site and what do I need? And why did you choose to ask me of all people? I don't know what else to ask. Some of the questions may look stupid to you but I don't have an idea of what running a site entails. You'll probably think I'm incompetent for running the site cos of certain questions but well, you chose me!!! Writing your shit on a message board is one thing and controlling the whole site is a totally different ball game! Any necessary or helpful info added apart from the answers of the questions above will be appreciated. I'm not sure but the way you ran and took care of the site shows that although there's the fun part, the irony, etc you took it quite seriously. So i guess you would want me to continue in your vein. If I take it, its gonna be for a week or so as a trial at first to see how it goes on... And now the Big question which will probably never be answered. Who the fuck are you Mouchette? hehe
P.S. Naturally, this is not to be posted on the site!!!
Thanks for your co-operation!
|12 Apr 2004||Joyce||Believe your emotional vampire personality disordered histrionic sister that a)you will never get a boyfriend b)that everyone will hate you c)that you are butt ugly and gawky d)that you will be the laughing stock in high school e)that your nose is way too big and your feet are flippers f)that you are a clutz g)allow her to destroy all of your friendships that you are wierd and perverted without defending yourself h)let her snoop through all of your things so she can rat on you to your mom i) believe her when she tells you that you were an oops never meant to be born j) let her blame you for everything that went wrong with her relationship with her mother when mom dies k) listen to her laments about having a bunch of hicks for a family and that your brother is a retard l) laugh when she sings perverted songs about your father and mother m)allow her to molest you and promise not to tell anyone n)believe it when she says you are toad eyes and should hide because you are ugly o)believe it when she is anorexic and shoves lettuce under the table ledge and tells you she is pretty and little and small and you are a big gawky failure p) believe her that you are the one who has not been a good sister q)allow her to come to your wedding and interview your maid of honor so she can blackmail you r)allow her access to your children s)let her meet the guys you are dating so she can ruin those relationships t) follow her advice to dye your hair blonde, wear pale pink lipstick and not eat u) allow her to stuff as much popcorn into your mouth as she would really like v) always give her home made Christmas gifts that she will turn into accounts of your being cheap and selfish w) accept the blame when she accuses you of not showing up for dinner when she never invited you in the first place x) allow her to see something you are especially proud of - like a college degree or diamond tennis bracelet y) let her become friends with your ex-husband so she can side with him z)let her steal all of your ideas from writing published poetry, playing guitar, working as a secretary, planting a secret garden, and being an individual. From A to Z you see my sister's the ultimate suicide for any young girl.|
|06 Apr 2004||Personal||You know, I wish I never existed, I wish I didn't ever have to live here on Earth. I am forced to live, I don't like that at all!! Why do I have to live? No one asked me if I wanted to live or not. Man do I wish I didn't exist. I don't have the guts to kill myself yet, or any good ideas that are painless, clean, and effective. It's just a shame this many people have to go through with it. Having a nice life and good friends and family doesn't seem to help. I refuse to see a doctor about these thoughts and pains, I don't want to take a "happy" pill. I don't like taking drugs, I shouldn't have to!!. Oh and if you are christian, please email me and tell me if suicide victims can go to heaven. (hopefully I am alive)|
|06 Apr 2004||Chris||Lots of boys list one of their reasons (or their only reason for that matter) of wanting to commit suicide as their girlfriend or just a girl. I read some posts by certain girls which I never understand...
I make no secret of the fact that I don't, never have and never will understand women. My mom, & other girls I meet and the strange way their mind works is as much a mystery to me today as it was on the first day I started processing stuff in my mind and I accept the fact that it will always remain that way. I find comfort in the knowledge that most men are in the same boat as me and no logic, rhyme or reason can be found in the female thought process. I have tried, I really have. I read the book 'Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus' from cover to cover to try and learn to understand what makes the other half tick but to no avail. At my college, females outnumber males by a great number, but contrary to what you may imagine that only deepens the mystery known as woman.
The internet which is a source of enlightenment for everything else doesn't help but it can be a place where you can find kindred spirits sharing their take on the female mindset. The other day I was browsing and came across something which, if nothing else, made me aware that I am in a huge worldwide club of baffled men. Read this translation of 'Femtalk' and see how familiar it sounds.
Yes= No; No= Yes; Maybe= No; We need= I want; I'm sorry= You'll be sorry; We need to talk= I need to complain; Sure= go ahead; I don't want you to see my butt fat= Tell me I'm beautiful; Do what you want= You'll pay for this later; I'm not upset= Of course I'm upset, you moron!; Are you listening to me?= Too late, you're dead!; You have to learn to communicate= Just agree with me; Be romantic, turn out the lights= I have flabby thighs; You're so... manly= You need to shave and sweat a lot; Do you love me?= I'm going to ask you for something very expensive; It's your decision= The correct decision should be obvious by now; You're certainly very attentive tonight= Is sex all you ever think about?; I'll be ready in a minute= Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV; How much do you love me?= I did something today that you're really not going to like.
And here are some things most men would like women to know but are too scared to tell them.
Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down, we need it up you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down; Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way; Crying is blackmail; Ask for what you want... let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!; Yes and No are perfecly adequate answers to almost every question; A headache which lasts for seventeen months is a problem, see a doctor; Anything we said six months ago is inadmissable in an argument; If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle; You have too many shoes; I am in shape. Round is a shape!
Of course there must be the reverse side of the coin and I am certain that there are similar lists which apply to men out there. I'm sure that someone like elaine can enlighten us all on the subject...
See ya girlies...
|04 Apr 2004||Christopher L Taylor||The best way to kill yourself under 13 is not to. Life gets better, and then worse, and then better, eventually it will even out, I am still suicidal, sorry I cant spell, but I know that their are good things out their for me, yeah maybe I will be poor, maybe my wife will cheat on me, but I WILL have children, and nothing is better than that, please, anyone who wants to commit suicide, please, imagine those eyes looking at you with such love and respect, just please wait... it will get better, not much..... but better|