|Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.|
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?
Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
|02 Sep 2000||Mr Tug||Melt down some crayons in the microwave. Pretend its hot cider at daddy's lawyer christmas parties.
Pretend it doesn't burn.
With a wax coating covering the insides of your throat swallow several boxes of safety pins, thumb tacks and razor blades.
Wait. (This could be the boring part. Be sure to have a good book or friend to keep you company while you wait to die.)
|29 Aug 2000||Jenn||get two sharpened pencils, shove the sharpened part in each nostril so it stuck there, then slam the eraser into a table so that the sharpened ends shoot up into the brain, killing you.
i hope that was a better answer than before, thank you
|18 Aug 2000||Kathleen||if you are of the oppisite sex (male) you can brake off pieces of your G.I. Joe and shove them down your throat. plus, also, you can take a huge kitchen knife, strip down, and start shaving all your body hair being sure to press down as hard as possible. then, start slicing the knife down your genitals. then back up to your throat.
female: oh screw it! have mad erotic sex for a straight week, then blind fold yourself, have a lover tie you up to your bed, cover you in honey, syrup, etc.... then have him let loose billions of bees and ants. see how it goes.
if you believe you have a sick twisted mind, write me pleeeeease!
|13 Aug 2000||ferdinand mendez||The best way to kill yourself when you're under thirteen is to eat as many peppers as posible. By then you are still HOT when you die.|
|05 Jul 2000||Crazy Deus||Some people need to understand that there is a fine line between humor, and serious life.
Those who can't handle humor, should not dabble in serious life, either. I can't stand those who can't handle a really funny joke, albeit a little tasteless. So stop the crap about: "I'm so sad, I know someone who commited suicide" or "Death isn't funny, I've seen too much death already." And so now, I am forced to say: THIS IS A FUCKING JOKE. You take me seriously, then I'll hunt you down and kill you myself.
And thus, my solutions:
1. Attack a beehive with your bare hands. (If you look like Macaulay Culkin, more power to ya)
2. Play outside. During a hurricane, earthquake, or small war.
3. Get into contests with your other 13-year old friends as to who can swallow the largest, pointiest object that can be found.
4. Jab enough pencils into yourself so that the lead actually kills you.
5. Go find daddy's gun. Go to school. Kill, when youre done havin fun, kill yourself.
6. "Where all the white women at?" (if you dont know what this is referring to, go watch Blazing Saddles)
7. Try to stop a gang shootout. Success only leads to the need to do it again.
8. Rub raw meat all over you, and carry around a dog whistle. Walk around, play a tune.
9. Eat only candy for a few months.
10. Finally, two words: POWER TOOLS.
|27 May 2000||brennan||build a simple wooden coffin and lay in it. then tell a friend to nail it shut. dispense several cans of that self-expanding foam for filling in household cracks, etc. the coffin will rapidly fill, suffocating you, and at the same time the foam will make an exact mould of your corpse. leave instructions to have a jello salad made with the mould.|
|13 May 2000||Damp||The best way to kill yourself when you're under 13, is to set your house on fire and let the firetruck run you over, when they come.|
|10 May 2000||Hells Wrath||Self Beheadment with hedgeclippers.|
|01 May 2000||Kenny||What I would do is get a gun, dress like a bum and go on the streets to a really fancy restauraunt and ask to be served. If they reject you go outside again and tap on the window. When you get everyone's attention that's inside eating their rich food, lean your head against the window and blast your fucking brains all over it. Make sure all those wealthy people inside are watching you, traumatize them for life. Oh yeah.. and don't forget to smile while you do this.|
|15 Apr 2000||tom||Stick two pencils up your nose and slam it your head on the desk. Crashing the pencils right through your brain.|
|11 Apr 2000||psychobitch||Any good suicide kit would include these itmes:
1- a fountain pen and a sheet of decorative, official-looking paper perfect for writing your will on (don't want those younger siblings getting all your cool stuff!)
2- a small diary for an optional manifesto - tell the world what's wrong with it before making your lasting impression.
3- an arbitrary number of syringes. o say about ten (prefilled with painkillers), a noose, a bottle of lighter fluid and a jet-lighter (the kind that doesn't go out in the wind).
4- a child sized, plush wooden box to use as a casket, a personalized headstone (so your parents don't put some dumb thing on your last rock) and a shovel.
5- instructions that read as so:
Hide your suicide kit well. If anyone finds it, you're sure to be grounded for months. After that, dig a large hole in the backyard (just tell your parents you are trying to tunnel to hell if they ask - this is to cause suspense and leave a nice burial plot) on the last night, lay out your manifesto and will out on your bed, turn on the radio or tv so they think you're still there. (Insert ironic musical choices here). Go out to highway with a bridge. Tie the noose to something sturdy and put it around your neck. Stand on the edge of the bridge. (Smoke any cigarettes now, you won't be able to later). Dowse yourself using the entire bottle of lighter fluid. Inject as many needles as neccessary with one hand, holding the lighter tightly in the other. After a few minues, the painkillers will make you woosie and you will fall off of the bridge. Hopefully, you will have enough strenght to light the lighter. Do so. You now have a show FIT for all the stupid masses in their oncoming-traffic vehicles!
And when you are in heaven, you can tell god that it wasn't your fault, you od'd on painkiller, causing a terrible accident and get early parole from hell.
|09 Apr 2000||Waylain||I know the worst ways to kill yourself whilde under 13, since I'm still alive the ones I tried were no good. Thus I can offer one with 95% non-failure garantee. So-for those children's required educational suicidal experience:
A glass funnel. A piece of tape (3 inches long). A rat. Peanut butter (yummy! feel free to make a peanut butter and cookie sandwich on the side). A pillow (Sesame Street decorated). A piece of string. Vaseline. A shiny orange ball that fits in your mouth. A pulley. Jar of acid. A sponge on a stick.
Step 1: Place the pillow on the ground. Eat your peanut butter cookie sandwich (last cigarette?).
Step 2:Tape the string onto the jar of acid and lace it through the pulley. Cut the string and tape it from the jar to the funnel
Step 3: Wipe your mouth with vaseline, take the sponge on stick and dab generous amounts of vaseline. Shove the stick down your throat till slippery.
Step 4: position the jar of glass on the edge of a table and hold the string to support it. Let the funnel dangle under it.
Step 5: Swallow the rat.
Step 6: Bite the orange ball
Step 7: Position yourself on the pillow under the funnel so it aims to your forehead.
Step 8: Let the string loosen up.
Step 9: Wait.
|06 Apr 2000||FuNky J FaSh||My top ten Ways to Die:
1)- Go to a Slayer concert wearing a back street boys shirt
2)-Forgetting to tie the bungie rope to your feet
3)-Strapping a vacuum cleaner to your mouth and setting suction to full
4)-Relieving that annoying itch.... with a razor blade
5)-Fake Debilitating illness and beg for euthanasia
6)-Build a house using your head
7)-Start chewing on you feet, then continue eating until you've ingested yourself
8)-Be a bad guy in a movie, so when you die... everything in a 1 mile radius blows up, you spray more blood then 15 rabid sloths, the good guy survives... get's the busty blonde... and the sun sets.
9)-Substitute the nicotine in cigarettes with nitroglycerine
10)-Jump out of a plane, with a grenade strapped to you... above the Sydney 2000 Olympic games opening ceremony, and share yourself with thousands of others...
|14 Mar 2000||Spazmonkey||Strangle yourself with your mother's finest silk scarf and as you hang from the rafters swaying in the slight breeze, consume as many illegal drugs as you can get your thirteen year old paws on. Leave a note blaming your family for the tragedy.|
|18 Feb 2000||Mr Wendal||Two electrodes to the hairless pubic area, attached at the other end to a car battery. No-one wants to die without somesort of sexual experience. Know what I mean sunshine???
|14 Feb 2000||Bitchface||Take 2 guns.... give one to a stranger and put the other to his/her head and force them to kill you... It's painless and that person will have horrible dreams for the rest of their life!|
|14 Feb 2000||Rob||I always tell them kids how to get gum out of the eletric plugs... The trick is to put two dimes in the socket at the same time.....
I can still smell that burnt ozone stench
|14 Feb 2000||Omega||The best way to kill yourself when you're under 13 is to crawl into a pre-heated oven to play "chef", and curl up in there until you think that the turkey is well marinated.|
|12 Feb 2000||drew||Go to the top of a very high tower with razorwire (10 feet) and a bungey cord that is half the length of the tower. Bolt the razor to the tower then tie the bungiecord to your waist. Superglue a kazoo in your mouth. Superglue your hands to your face upsidedown then jump. When you reach the 10 feet mark your head would fly off. Then your head would be in your hands as you bounce up and down. Picture it .|
|11 Feb 2000||AssLicker||Let an old geezer such as myself ....rape your tight little ass. Let me rip a gaping hole so huge, it was large enough for an elephant trunk. Then, SHOOT you with a load of my hot steaming SHIT!!! I'd then stab you. Yes I know that would be considered murder, but in this context, I AM SUICIDE!!!!! After you die I would cook you up in a nice ketchup sauce. Perhaps leaving your lips intact so I could kiss them while I slept.|