|Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.|
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?
Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
|02 Mar 2004||Matt||Hi, I'm 19 years old and have been diagnosed with depression. I have been suffering for some time now. I would say it comes and goes, lasts for months to a year and sleeps. Last year was my first year of college and I was having my worst case of depression at that point in my life. I always thought about suicide and the best way to do it. I read forum boards like these on the night that i tried to commit suicide. It helped me to find the strength to commit it. As you can see i am not dead, but i am not thankful i am still alive. That night, I had a bottle of 500 extra strength tylenol and 2 bottles of liquid cold/flu medicine. I read that if you mixed Acetaminophen (tylenol) with some other big word, starts with an a (like a cold medicine) together in high amounts it can be dangerous. That night i did just that. I consumed over 30 tylenol in less than an hour and took mutliple gulps of the cold medicine together. At first i noticed nothing. I went to sleep and became extremely scared. The worst part about suicide is that in my case, i had so much time to think about wether or not it was the right thing to do with my life now that i had taken the ultimate leap. I kept thinking to myself: I am going to die maybe.. hopefully peacefully in my sleep, my parents will cry and people will miss me, but they will know now that i have been suffering and have been in pain with depression. How i hate my life and everyone in it, i just want peace. The next morning i awoke with stomach cramps. At the time of my depression i had not been eating for weeks. Possibly a sandwich or two a week if i was lucky to manage that. I began to dry heave but nothing would come up. My stomach was hurting so bad, i was so nauseous, i was in more pain and not dead. I called the poison control center and they told me i would have liver failure and eventually die. I decided to go to the ER. I could have sit there in my room or gone somewhere to die, but from what i read it would have taken many miserable weeks. The doctor told me that tylenol poisons the liver. in small dosages (2 tylenol) it is harmless, but in high quantities, I had poisoned myself and my liver was dying. Without the medicine i received, i would have died withing a few weeks from liver failure which would have caused my blood to stop filtering and eventually die in a painful way. I just want to say that I love everyone of you for coming onto this board and posting your lives problems. You're not alone and you never will be. While your parents or loved ones may turn out to be the actual problems of your lives, there are still people who are like you every where else in the world and you may hate your life, but there is still love in you. I hate my life, but i still love. Please email me if you are thinking about suicide; we have something in common, and it's good to talk about it. Talk to me, please... Quest2002@adelphia.net|
|20 Feb 2004||Brittany Mich.||I think of killing myself too, it's not only you. My dad cheated on my mom and treats her like shit, and he acts like i know nothing. My mom calls me fat and ignores me. Both my parents don't understand how i feel this way and always blame me, not my two older brothers. But, the real thing is, when you're 13 (i am 13), you haven't experienced your LIFE YET! I STRONGLY BELIEVE THAT EVERYONE IS PUT ON THIS EARTH FOR SOMETHING! Get help if you really need it. EVERYONE IS A IMPORTANT IN SOME WAY. I KNOW THAT SOUNDS SEVENTH HEAVEN, LET'S ALL HUG, BUT IT'S TRUE! YOU NEVER KNOW, YOU COULD BE THE NEXT PRESIDENT, OR FIND OUT HOW TO STOP CANCER, OR YOU MIGHT WIN AN OSCAR, OR YOU might not be even CLOSE to being any of these things, you might just be a great dad or mom, or you could be a good friend. Don't commit suicide, if you need to talk, talk to me. or someone else please! Remember you are loved!|
|16 Feb 2004||Altharos||Hi, I come from New Zealand, which (as some of you surely know) has the highest rate of youth suicide in the world. I myself have found life getting harder and harder as it goes on, and have felt this for the last year or so, since I was fifteen.
More out of interest than an actual intention to put the information to use, I searched around to find out about the different ways one can commit suicide, and which ones were or weren't painless.
A particular site was terribly helpful, and has put me off killing myself for now, at least until the next greatly depressing event in my life.
There is the site, I would strongly consider reading through the article. It is from New Zealand, and it quite thouroughly describes the way that varying methods by which one may commit suicide work.
As I said, it definitely put me off it for a while.
Hope it helps.
|11 Feb 2004||Makia||The best way is to phone childline on 0800 1111 or another freephone number for children|
|01 Feb 2004||Courtney||I am trying to find a way to commit suicide, but as I've read, there are far more younger people in this world than just me suffering this pain. Now that I really think of this, I think to myself, "why are they trying to die? they are far to young" i've lived the same way you guys feel for 3 years, I do want to die, but what is stopping my thoughts about this is that all you younger people want to die. As much as I want to die too, I want to help. If we all help each other, we'll all make it out, okay? What i've seen, and needed myself was a good ear of listening. I listen to everyone and anyone for anything, and if anyone reading this and needs more help, but doesn't want people to know, because you know this is wrong, i can help, and i'm on your side, just email me and i'll be your shoulder to lean on.-15|
|18 Jan 2004||Felicia on advise||I hear of many people wanting to kill themselves. Unfortunately, I was one of the few. There are going to be some tough times ahead, but we must have the ability to handle it.
In dark moments like these, even after the holidays ended, and it's now 2004, we seem to shift in the mode of excruciating emotional pain. I know that some of you or most of you are sufferring the loss of loved ones involving broken relationships, family quarrels, and identity issues. I know you all hurt because of these ordeals and there is no way I can take away that pain all of a sudden from you folks.
If the pain is so deep that none of you can't handle it, please ponder this thought...
1.) Breathe and relax... take in deep breaths and let your mind remain blank for a period of 30 minutes. Think of something positive. Write it on paper.
Repeat it in your head. Say it out loud.
2.) Take a long walk. Walks are good for you. If it is late at night, flip on the television set, play cards, read your diary, talk to friends, take a nice shower, pamper yourself, work on a hobby... distract yourself with whatever possible "will" to keep your mind occupied. Please do so, your brain needs clearing.
3.) Talk to a loved one, whether it be a pet, parent, grand parent, uncle, aunt, cousin, friend, brother or sister, someone who supports you. Be away in staying away from grouchy people and ones that drag you down. Do not engage in arguments, because you don't need fuel to feel negative about yourself.
Have the courage to move on and relax. Realize that today is the first day of the rest of your life and that you are a different , positive person that you desire to be.
|15 Jan 2004||Kasey||My boyfriend killed himself on Dec 11, 2003. I felt the same way as all of you not that long ago. My hope is that none of you experience a loss like this. He took a 12 gage, double barrel, sawed off shot gun to his throat. He was 16. I am 19. I lost my soul mate, I was his for 19 months and battled depression with him for two years, he gave up one day. I f you need help email me. I love all of you. Don't hurt yourself like I almost did. I think that now Nick can see all the people that really loved him and supported him.|
|14 Jan 2004||Ghod||HOLy horses!!! Reading all those messages and stories really moved me in a way that I want to help you all... unfortunately all I can offer you is my e-mail address if you need to express yourself.
People who are depressed "suicidal" are actually the most sensitive and realistic people on earth... why? well because they see life more clearly than others; they see the shit hole mankind made earth into and made our societies into. The people who seem to survive are those that see "la vie en rose"... they tend to distort reality in way that helps them see the positive out of everything. It's actually not that hard to do... you just need a little imagination and some hard liquor.
My point is... well... suicide sucks. I've thought about doing it myself but then I realized that I could use my 'angry/depressive/feeling sorry for my ass energy' towards making some use out of this life I didn't ask for... work with what you've got... I can't drive, i still live with my parents, I don't have an education, I'm single and depressed but I know that there's still some fun out there. I can get an education and maybe teach and travel; that's not hard to do.
I'll just take it one slow day at a time. That's all.. just have some strength.. exercise, volunteer, help others, follow what you like doing, teach and travel, work fulltime (make money to get out of the house and eventually get a real job) or do something to make yourself get some self freaking esteem that you deserve - YOU BECOME WHAT YOU GIVE YOURSELF THE POWER TO BE.. WE are allllll capable of this and allowed to it.... don't let society, your "friends", your dead beat parents or siblings tell you otherwise.
|22 Dec 2003||Marleni||Hi everyone. I've been reading some of the comments included here about suicide. There have been days in which I have felt like doing someting stupid. Believe me somedays can be terrible. For instance, you go to sleep and you can't sleep, you toss and turn and can't do nothing but think of all the sad and terrible things that have happened to you. And all you want and feel like doing is cry. You go outside because the day is sunny and beautiful but you are all alone and don't feel any happiness. I've felt like this just like YOU. But to all of you that are thinking about suicide, I have one thing to say, DON'T DO IT. I know some of you might have gone through difficult experiences such as rape, but there is nothing more beautiful than the GIFT OF LIFE. Many people are dying and they would give anything in this world to be able to live for one more day.
ALL I WANT TO SAY IS, DON'T TAKE YOUR LIFE AWAY. DON'T LET THE HURT AND THE PAIN IN YOUR LIFE MAKE YOU MISERABLE. FORGET ABOUT ALL THE PAIN AND START A NEW LIFE. LIVE EACH DAY LIKE IT'S THE LAST. When you feel like doing low just repeat this to yourself: ease the pounding of my heart by the quieting of my mind. Steady my hurried pace with a vision of the eternal reach of time. Give me, amid the confusion of the day, the calmness of the everlasting hills. Break the tensions of my nerves and muscles with the soothing music of the singing streams that live in memory. Take a minute vacation -- of slowing down to look at a flower, to chat with a friend, to pat a dog, to read a few lines from a good book. Slow down, slow down.
|19 Dec 2003||Mauvais2Dan||Yea, it seems like that is a problem. School, a job, or get kicked out. Simple thing would be school right? Ur 17 about like me. It isn't that bad. Most you'd have is what... a year maybe a year and half. Do correspondance to make up missed work. That way you can get out earlier and get you credits quicker. But if you actually like to work (and to me it seems as though you don't) then just get a job. I'm sure Arbys or McDonalds would hire you. They hire anyone... or maybe that's just around here. But you need to do something. By not doing anything you'll be out of the house... then what? a Slower suicide. You said you didn't want to hurt the ones who love you. So don't. Sorry if it sounds rude but: grow up! Get a job or get your ass back in school! And if things don't work out. Talk to me ok? You have my e-mail now. Best of luck.|
|10 Dec 2003||Felicia The Great||For Everyone During The Holidays,
This time of year is the most depressing. I recommend that you keep warm or if there is no electricity, take warm showers. Bundle up no matter what because more people have a tendency wanting to want to kill themselves when it is really cold. Before you contemplate killing yourself, don't. Instead, make yourself a warm cup of chocolate with marshmellows. If you're vegan, a warm cup of chocolate soy milk.
In this crazy world, most suicides are from the result of depression. I spoke with my Psychologist from Enborg Lane located next to Valley Med. He told me that depression is the result of a chemical imbalance and should be treated. I told him, drugs or prescriptions wouldn't do any good. I found that the key into getting over depression is this:
1.) Excercise - running, moving hands and arms, anything to build endorphines (Do it constantly everyday).
2.) Eating well - staying away from sugary sodas and stick to hearty soups along with decaffeinated teas or drinks, just plain water would do. Though I recommended hot chocolate, because it contains caffeine, it is not as bad as drinking coffee. Hot chocolate has more Vitamin D, and helps you to get rid of that holiday chocolate craving. For the lactose intolerants: Don't diagnose yourself and say you are lactose intolerant if you haven't been to the doctor. Take small doses per week and build up so you can be lactose tolerant. If you are strict vegan, get the soy milk that has Vitamin D. Vitamin D aids in preventing osteoporosis and a soother.
3.) Get out more. Sunshine helps to rid you of depression. Even if it is dark and cloudy, you still get sun rays. Of course use proper sunscreen.
4.) Move around and get involved in group functions. Volunteer and help others that need help. As one guy said,"Don't ask what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country" JFK. If you help out others, you'll soon feel better about yourself. Please keep busy and don't idle around.
5.) Don't hang with grumpy people that get you down. Stay away from relationships that are hurting you emotionally. Don't take guilt trips.Take a trip to the mall, a trip to see friends, but not to where the guilt is.
If you feel that I am just a bunch of hot air, then I am. Why do you think I keep warm all the time.
Sincerely to you. Have a safe Holiday and remember:
"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away--Please remain happy and stick to your dreams".
|06 Dec 2003||penfold||there isn't a best way. this forum made me sad as i think no one should be alone wich seems to be most people on here. if anyone on here need some help, my email address is firstname.lastname@example.org
sometimes it's good to get a stranger's view on things and i will help as much as i can as i have seen how bad suicide can be for others around you. people who you don't think care who really do and just dont know how bad you feel im here for anyone any time anything. don't be scared i only want to help
|26 Nov 2003||Chris||Well, what can I say about this site??? I have just finished watching a documentary about suicide chat rooms on Channel 4 (UK TV) and was inspired to check out some of the message boards. I stumbled accross this site and must say that you guys and girls are doing a great job... Getting your feelings down on paper (or on-screen) can be the first step. If you want to know a little secret... keep reading.
I suffer from depression, comes and goes, highs and lows, good and bad, happy and sad, from wanting to kill myself to wanting to kill others... I have been through most of it in the past.
I am now 23 and am married to a fantastic woman, WHO LOVES ME FOR WHO I AM, and I also have a beautiful 2 year old daughter. I am just so glad that in the past when the feelings arose... I COULDN'T DO IT... that was not to say that I didn't want to... I just couldn't, so was left with no option but to fight... mainly myself. I AM SO GLAD THAT I DID.
I know how the feelings come, and sometimes they're worse than the day before... but 'sometimes' it's not as bad as last week. That last week is where you need to be looking just now... accept that you will have bad days and say to yourself... it WILL get better. It may not get better quickly but IT DOES GET BETTER. I am no longer on medication and have started a new job today, stacking shelves in the local supermarket. Not much... BUT... a BIG step, considering that I couldn't get out of bed for the crushing desire to end it all only a few months ago. It makes me feel PROUD that I have beaten the beast back again... I don't know if I will ever be 'that down' again... but I can tell you, I WILL NEVER FORGET.
If you are sat in your chair just now reading this, then why not take the next step... write it down and click send... whether you send it to me or just to the message board, because there ARE people out there who WANT to listen to you... no there isn't, I hear you say?... then why would I be spending all my time writing to YOU... we can only help, if you give us the chance... let us help, send that email... what have you got to loose?
Email me: email@example.com
Take Care and Stay Safe,
|23 Nov 2003||M.C||I wanted to say I think your site is amazing... and I wish you could meet someone as sophisticated as you and you can be happy together... although I don't like my sadness that I have a lot, it is something I can call my own... if you could find someone to "fill the void in your life" I would wait off on killing yourself. email me back if you want to tell sometime. Thanks, mc|
|12 Nov 2003||Felicia on The State of the World||I never thought what it would be like if you are under 13 and thinking of a way to kill yourself. But I know of a good way you can keep from being depressed.
1.) Read a veeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrry long post on Mouchette.org and figure out if it appeals to you (like mine for example). If you think that person's post applies to your personality, write to them twice as long, cry your heart out to them. If some push you aside, go to another person that writes twice as long.
2.) Never think your style of dressing sucks especially those who wear baggy clothing like Tupak or dress like Vampire Lestat.
Let me continue. I'm talking on Gothic clothing.
Since the late seventies or early eighties, the Gothic style has always been in. Black clothes, tongue rings, body piercings, black lipstick, chains, anything silver, tattoos,patent leather, black lace, stark blood red fabrics, spiked colored hair, and vintage clothing, ect..ect.. this type of style should never be offensive to people especially to 50 year old parents. The Gothic style has always been a classic. If you are under 13, and choose to read dark novels, scan through Manga magazines, anime cartoons, smoke cigarettes (which is bad for your lungs and pocketbook), flirt with skater boys and girls, watch Jerry Springer, watching the Matrix III till you feel like throwing up from watching all those battle graphics, Cheaters, have unprotected sex (please don't put yourself in jeapardy) Buffy, and Charmed, you're very much in style. In San Francisco, its nothing new to me and I understand why some people are always on the verge of suicide. If it really depresses you, while doing this, then it is time to read Care Bear books and tuning your dial to Sponge Bob Square Pants. Or better yet, read Self Help books, but chose wisely. We don't need people chanting out the demonic verses of Mr. Ed's "A Horse is a Horse of Course of Course" backwards.
3.) Another way you can get depressed is compare yourself to Lizzie McGuire, Elton John, Colin Farrell, Arnold Schwarzennegger, the Olsen twins, the Hilton twins, the Bratz doll collection, Howard Stern and the three Pagan sisters. Now you keep wondering why you don't feel beautiful or handsome and you're under 13. The secret is this...ready?
Being "SELF CONFIDENT"and never compare yourself to anyone, period. Also note that money is never the root to all happiness or evil, and beauty is only skin deep or in the eyes of the beholder.
Life is what you make it.
4.) If times are tough and you feel like giving in to suicide before 13, go out and play with your friends, enjoy the sun, wear sun block, run, eat better, get busy.
If the boy or girl at school likes somebody else, then it wasn't in the cards or the stars. Move on.
If your family is dysfunctional, change family history and become functional.
If you are fired from your job and on the verge of welfare, ride with the tide. Pretend you are working and fill out applications everywhere, while collecting unemployment or public assistance. Never think that a mediocre job at McDonalds, will kill you. It is an honest job. Many executives out there have been Clowns working at a circus. Many CEO tycoons have went for early retirement. People like me are volunteer working with children and reading to them.
Take it in stride, don't think life is over. Life can only get better.
|28 Oct 2003||Felicia||This is a message for Caleb.
Yes, I truly understand why you feel like ending it all, especially under the treachery of cruel people... especially ones that you call family or friends.
As in regards to family, which is the most draining, you feel that you are the black sheep and portrayed as a failure. A misfit of some kind. You feel that your family is always... "Want... want... want... Me... Me... Meeeee!" or "You're good for nothing! You're a failure! I can No longer forgive you for what you did?" Because of this kind of upbringing or environment, you think everybody out there is cruel and selfish as well. Everywhere you go, it seems that people are against you, talking behind your back, calling you names, having bad wishes against you in which you can't progress in this world. I had a friend on this website named Lucy Cortina, who sufferred much so because of this.
I am not influencing you to take any personality subscription drugs here Caleb, and there are times I wish I can go on Zoloft, but I can't stand the side effects. (You know, the type of side effects that they use in commercials after advertising the drug: "Warnings may include sexual dysfunction, migranes... ect... ect..")
Maybe you can try this, because I am using it on myself right now. Has it ever occurred to you that you are more powerful than you think you are? The brain can do so many wonderous things. My suggestion to you Caleb is keep a journal of the things that bother you, write it down, and try to be your own advisor. If you visualize somebody else writing for you for help, offer back advise in how they can overcome it. Do it in your journal. I did. I'm doing it right now.
Caleb, my friend, you are not alone in this crummy world full of selfish bastards and skanks. They will receive their wonderful reward at the end. This place is wreaking of assholes everywhere. But remember that you and I can change it to our liking and not use suicide as the last resort. If someone tells us otherwise and say "Go ahead do it! Kill yourself! It will lead to more justice in this world!" Whether they like it or not, even if we are here or if we are gone, the world turns. And if these people remain toxic to us otherwise and don't change their ways, bad things beyond our control will happen to them. It's called payback kiddo. But don't rely on it as a form of revenge. Never wish harm on anyone as a rule because it will come back threefold. Just let things be. Forgive. Let people be people, because in the long run if you do the things you love, I am advising myself to, the more you will be a success, the happier you will be, and it will attract the people that you mostly like to hang around with.
Hang in there Caleb... You are not alone!!! In this crazy world think of this day of a rebirth of new beginnings.
For today is the first day of the rest of your life.
|27 Oct 2003||Caleb||So why is it always the purest of people who are forced to suffer such tremendous, indescribable pain? Why is it that while the other wretches of society continue to walk the face of the earth, belittling whom they please and crushing whatever they desire while we are forced to receive all negative repercussions. Yet they are the ones permitted to continue living in bliss, living in the ecstasy derived from the pain of others. As I read the posts here, I can't help but feel an emotion I forgot so long ago, sympathy. Not in some cheap way were people say they "feel sorry" only so they can attempt to earn your trust only to stab you in the back a moment later.
I have felt the devastation of betrayal, abuse, and loneliness from everyone I have ever come in contact with, family absolutely being no exception. What purpose is there to living in such a world? Why live when there is no future except more pain.
I know my death would bring nothing emotional to my family except maybe relief. I have no friends so that limits the playing field. I simply wake up each day and go to class, come back, sleep, and repeat the process. I have become so mechanical lately that I don't even feel alive. Every passing day seems like a split second in my desolate world, a world comprised of emotionless actions followed by nothing more than a harsh reality of despair constantly staring back at me. Why couldnt I have lived a happy life, void of such misery? Nooo, I had to have so many fuck ups that I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life even if I dont want to. This used to be fine with me, but that was also a time when I had become a horrific shadow of the former kindness I once held in my frail heart.
I am sure that every one of you would make such excellent friends, as would I. We are all too familiar with pain and betrayal (one in the same.) I wish I could meet you, if nothing more than to talk, to be understood and not looked at as some monster. I almost shot myself when I was merely 11 years old, and then some times after that. I cut myself to relieve the unrelenting psychological pain, but now I cant even do that, for there is far too much pain, physical and mental. Most of my past I dont even remember, probably because I dont want to. I still want to calmness of death, yet I keep blindly following this maybe it will get better philosophy which is nothing more than a lie, an extension of mankinds will to survive. I probably will go through with it soon enough. I am going to stick it out . just a little longer. Foolish optimism but I dont want to die knowing that if I had waited one more day something would have changed.
I dont know what I can do, but if anyone would like to e-mail me, if nothing more than to talk, go right ahead and do so. People like us are driven into a life of darkness, which contradicts the purity of our actual being. We were not born for such misery; the other assholes who are enjoying life are the ones who should be feeling the pain. Not us.
I may have reached my dead end, but I want to at least help someone find a new course in life that will bring about happiness, if for nothing else than to hear them out. Maybe that way I can feel like I actually lived.
|27 Oct 2003||Felicia||Suicide is only too easy of a way out. It is a cruel world out there. Take for instance my new job. I feel unappreciated and realized that it is such a dead end job. Some higher ups use the state of the economy as a crutch to cut down your hours or lay you off. Later, you read between the lines. No eye contact is the first sign, especially when someone looks to the left and their feet seem to point away from you, not towards you. The same thing goes for broken relationships.
It seems that I work from job, after job, after job and go from relationship, after relationship, after relationship. It's sad to know that people out there haven't seen our talents or ambitions and never love or like us for who we are. Some inadvertently make our lives a living hell even if we care about them. But in all aspects, if we cant make a job better, change it. If the relationship isnt working, change it or change friends.
As a result, those of us feel that living day to day is close to dying. Literally, dying is the only option in getting rid of the pain.
I can go on forever talking about this subject on pain.
But we have to remember "LIFE IS PAIN!! GET USED TO IT!!"
We have to remember to go forward before drowning.
And keep pushing to move forward,
Life is one long street fight and we have to learn to deal with the bruises of its unsuccess.
We have to learn to be tough. I say that to all my friends, especially my gay male friends and lesbian female friends. I say this to myself too and very often.
Suicide is no resort. Never have this as your last resort.
And to Lee, if you feel that your friend is still alive buried in that box, six feet under, most likely he is not alive. Mortuaries do not bury live bodies and usually dead bodies are in the regamortis stage meaning absolutely not alive. Working with a Mortician was an odd job, but at least the customers didnt talk back to you. Whats so funny is I even talk to them and once in a while. During preparation, all I hear is a deep groan.meaning the air is finally out of the body.
For your pain, I feel it. Cry if you have to, scream if you must. But remember that this grieving stage in your life, which will take time, too shall pass.
As for every dead end job, it too shall be a former job. For every bad relationship, we too will remember that one day, these people will all be a part of our past. Time can be a cruel in the saddest stages of our life, yet it can be a good friend because most of the time it heals all wounds.
|20 Oct 2003||Justin||Hey i'm not suicidal but i have helped a lot of my friends out with it so that they haven't commited it. if u want someone to talk to and come to for advice maybe i can help u. just IM me at psykodrummerdude
i'm here for u all. i cant stand people in the world that make others feel like shit
|18 Oct 2003||ronwelthy2mauvais souhait||ye, you are all right, when you fell like you are going to kill yourself, no one try to help you, and you are left alone with suicidal thoughts, you try to résist, to fight someone, against those dark clouds, but you have no allies, just weird looks which say
_Well look at her, she is mad.
But then, after you attempt to kill yourself, the whole family, your friend are trying to understand you, as if they were trying to get our favour, they are all hypocritical.That's pretty shit you know.
Well I don't mean to give any lesson, just to tell you one or two things. If you really feel suicidal and you don't want to kill yourself, just become an individualist. The world cannot help you, well just try to reject it. Instead, if you have somethings to say, if you feel like everythings are getting worse and worse, just open a notebook and write in it. It will a better therapy than speaking to your family, or your friend, or going to a psychologist.
And to answer your last question about death, I don't think there is something after the Great passage, just a black empty space where you can live and float peacefully, that's what I think. Death is the great enigma of all society, but I think that to believe in it you don't have to believe in god so it make easier for atheist to understand, or if you believe in a god, with my theory you don't have to bother about your terrestrial life.
I hope this will help you. But remember, if you feel lost, remember one thing just write your thoughts.