|Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.|
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?
Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
|17 Apr 2009||Ken G||Hi. I'm a 51 year old guy. No I'm not going to tell you how to kill yourself. Because I know you and everyone else thinking about doing that..
Rooftop of an 18 story building? Been there. Standing on a ladder with a rope around my neck? Yup. Confined for 72 hours against my will in a lock down ward? 3 weeks inpatient therapy at a mental hospital? Done those too. And about 20 different meds.
And then one of the meds started working. I'm lucky. For some people meds don't work or have awful side effects. There's no way to tell except try them. And that takes time. Took me 18 years. No they're not happy pills.
But they can take away the desperation. And then you see new ways to think.
When we were young we wanted to put everything in categories with names. But that limits how you see and think. "Am I gay or straight?" 2 categories. But you can be sometimes one, or the other, or both, or in the middle. Sex is like a game. If you say to yourself "I'm totally a football player." Fine, play football. But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy baseball too.
So many times I hear depressed or stressed people say "Such is the only way." That's limited thinking. Without limits the horrible can be seen as just an annoyance.
I owe my life to a guy named Matt (I don't even know his last name) that talked me out of jumping 31 years ago. It's been rough at times. But worth it.
I hope before killing yourself that you'll consider maybe your thinking could change and whatever reasons you have might not be fixed in stone. And that maybe, someday, you'll like yourself and the world.
I'll check in here every once and a while. Feel free to ask anything either here or in email.
|13 Apr 2009||entry two||Hello Mouchette, I hope you're well. I'm disregarding your prompt again, sorry. There's a baby dying outside my window. Then again it's probably just a cat murmuring, with help from overtones of my imagination. I wish I slept in a bed with lots and lots of strange people, now that's the way to live, or sleep, rather. These things I say are all bullshit. I will continue to contradict myself while fearing each new utterance and creation. Thats preposterous, I'm sorry, I'm not helping any cause. I show my true colors in cyberspace and bleed into blurbs, watching the green flicker of text as badly spelled sentences of someone not thinking mind(out loud!, in text,) types out their strongly one sided yet poorly worded argument of "ballsack". I apologies, this is non sensible, and would surely offended any English teacher. Just remember, your preconceptions magnified is what sculpts your society into a strict rule book. Just laugh at what is and carry on with your indifference in the world of what's not.
P.S. It's my birthday today. Huzzah I'm dying!
|10 Apr 2009||entry one||These days, I wear no socks, I find no need. My spit is mixed with other substances and my nose is always running. I am also convinced a ten year old boy is gay for me, or maybe I'm just very bored. Really, I'm just loosing my imagination, which is a strange process. I'm afraid this might be hard to read because of how often I shift thoughts. Sorry about that. All my money has been spent on friendship, which is starting to take the form of pot.
Today I am not high though. Thinking results in a bad mood, not thinking results in injury. The in-between is very mundane, to me at-least.
Oh, by the way, pardon me, but I haven't yet addressed your question Mouchette, I don't plan on doing it either, if that's alright with you.
I wonder if what I'm doing right now can be called something. Naming things makes them less real.
I'm always apologizing because I'm always confronted with the idea that what I'm doing is not at all what I wish it was. Whatever, I've finally experienced legitimate criticism, which only leads back to my original road of interpretation. If there are such things as parallel universes does the clause of prospective still exist? What I mean to say is:
If this is reality why is it different for everyone?
Please try and think about what you're doing with your life next time you buy coffee or do school work or try to hold a conversation you don't at all have interest in with someone.
If you find your self feeling bad though try and grasp the idea that rules don't exist and everything is only matter, the fact that you can understand the abstract is the reason you might feel miserable.
What if you didn't?
|01 Apr 2009||bahia||life is a good suicide...|
|13 Mar 2009||The truth is, I only act humorous as performance, I'm well aware of how crazy I look all the time. I can't control the outward reflection of this neurosis, so I am forced make it a comedy for anyone near by. I hate the way I act around people, I'm such an asshole really. If any of them knew how truly empty I feel, and how every faltering step of ambition is analyzed till I feel sick, and how much I hate myself, and how many things I've kept secret, fuck.
This bottle wont finish itself, goodnight.
|11 Mar 2009||Venla||Thank you for calling 1-800-SUICIDE
If you wish to self terminate by electric shock - press one
For termination by overdose - press two
If you would like to make a reservation at the end of our drowning pool - please press three
For termination by hanging - please press four
For death by self inflicting gunshot - press five
To speak to a representative, stay online
If you do not wish to die - please hang up now
Zeromancer - Doctor online
|22 Jan 2009||Jeff||Here's something I was thinking about. It only works for people who believe there is more than this life though, amd don't know what's on the other side like myself. I believe there is more than this world because I see so many coincidences sometimes that it seems to me something is happening behind the scenes. I'm sorry this doesn't work for people who believe death is the ultimate end though.
It's kind of like Pascal's Wager, applied to suicide. If the next life is a terrible place even worse than this world, then you should stay here because it's better. But if there is a better world than where we are, then it's probably by design that we're here. Why else would we have left it? We probably came here to learn and to experience. And by commiting suicide you are checking out early. There's obviously something to be gained by sticking around. So when we finally do return to that better place, we made the best of our choice to come and be alive here, we suffered and we endured.
It's the cool people that commit suicide because they don't belong in this world. We see the way things should be. But it's because of that that we should stay here. We are the ones who understand, and we are here for a reason, though we may not know why while we're here.
|26 Dec 2008||Aureus||Dear Mouchette,
What do you do when almost every thought that enters your mind runs along the standpoint of suicide, yet you are too afraid to give it a try?
|26 Dec 2008||Mark||If you packed some can, tea,
A few packs of biscuit, cigarettes,
A fairy-chess booklet and something to drink:
Roll down the shutter.
Let the clock stop.
The phone rings often: people are so wilful.
Spot waiting in the knurly glass.
The hood of the mail slot smacks.
Peeked... but inside: haze.
After: no more phone calls, no more visitors.
And your doormat
chocked to your door for days now...
Did you know that the mouchette.org is printed in a tachen-book? the title is newmedia-art.
i am here because i red the book in hungary.
|26 Dec 2008||Murderer at your service||If I could murder one person in your life, whom would you want me to kill?|
|19 Nov 2008||Aureus||Dear Mouchette,
Today I downed a bunch of pills (apparently not enough)... and the thoughts that ran through my head were a whirlwind of distortion. Somewhere along the way, my mind stumbled upon you for a brief moment. I wondered where you were in the world at the moment I ingested this substance. I wondered what you look like and what you do for a living. You must be confused yourself to host a suicide website... but who am I to place judgement? Life to me has been this strange merry go round, I've tried to hold on tight to the handle bars as the music courses through this misguided brain of mine. Sometimes I fall off only to get back on, I wonder if there is anyone else with me on this strange mechanism of false happiness. I hope someday soon I can walk off without getting dizzy, or stop the ride myself...
Until next time Mouchette.
|11 Nov 2008||Kuborion||When I find myself in times of trouble,
Mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom,
Let it be.
And in my hour of darkness
she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom,
Let it be.
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
And when the broken hearted people
living in the world agree,
there will be an answer,
Let it be.
For though they may be parted
there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer.
Let it be.
Let it be, let it be, .....
And when the night is cloudy,
there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow,
Let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music,
Mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom,
Let it be.
Let it be, let it be, .....
|02 Oct 2008||the poet's entourage||What's with being left out and feeling like its your fault entirely?
|18 Aug 2008||Joe Lee||Hi, this is Joe, its been a while, I hope everyone is doing well in this fucked up world. I am just as fucked up as ever, the weird thing is after a person been crazy for so long, it actually start to feel normal now. Of course I cant speak objectively about my condition, but everyone think I am fucking nuts to some insane degree, so I will take peoples word for it.
I been reading some of my past writings and just shocked at what I wrote, it was kind of funny too, but mostly shocked by the strangeness of my past state of mind, multiple personality is a bitch, and it is even worse when people dont tell you anything about it and just watch you make a fool out of yourself. It is like all my personalities feels normal to me, but I only know the different by my past actions.
When I was little I thought the whole world is simply my imagination, and then as I grow up, I realize it is impossible maybe it is possible, I do feel sorry for people and things living inside of my imaginations.
Lately I have a lot of déjà vu experiences that is like I have seen it or done it before, but I swear to god that I never done any of it in the past. Maybe I just dont remember my past actions because I am so crazy, but why dont people tell me. It is as if all my personalities evolve over the time and I simply cant tell the difference any more. I feel as normal as ever right now, but is that objectively speaking?
I dont know about you kids, but I have real problems, multiple problems since I was little. Too many things feel so familiar to me that I feel I am some sort of genius who just know things naturally, but maybe in fact, I just dont remember what I have done before because I did with separate sets of head. Someone once told me You know more than you think you know. I was like what the fuck is that suppose to mean? Now I think I begin to know.
Maybe I am a good person, for all that is good will end up well
Maybe I am bad, and then this is hell hell, that does ring a bell, guess only time can tell
The more and more I begin to understand myself, the more and more I feel its too late for me now. If I really did kill myself when I was 13, it will be worth it too late for me now, I have gone too far and its getting too exciting just trying to figure myself out.
Lately I been very paranoid about that I may have some supernatural power, at one point, I thought my dog was actually God. I was so depressed and mad and thought nothing could make me happy again, and just then my dog put a paper bag over her head and running like a fool. I was like Only God could make me laugh with such good timing and I was seriously trying to communicate to her as if she is a God you might feel that is crazy, but I believed it, I still believe it to some degree because some of my prediction actually did come true.
So if you are really only 13 or younger and you want to die, I say think it over, try to be objective about your own craziness, then if you think you might end up like me, I say either really fucking do it or just steal some money and go travel the world. Sometimes, you could at least numb your senses when you travel and seeing new places. Try to sell your soul to the devil or Jesus if you havent already, either deal should intensify your psychotic ride.
|15 Aug 2008||Doug, old friend and lover||The best way to kill yourself when you're under 13 is to remain under 13 forever. Now this is an abstract answer, but I know, Mouchette, you will understand as I'm sure you're sophisticated audience will, as well.
DB8088, old friend and lover
|01 Aug 2008||dead inside.||This is the end. I can feel it in my bones, in my skin. Like a disease eating each molecule of my being one by one. Something inside me is dying. Again. I can feel it. It makes my bones ache. I can't afford to let anything more die inside me. I've lost so much...I've been hanging on by threads. A cool breeze came and saved me a few years ago. It filled me with fresh life...I felt alive. I could feel with every nerve in my body. My blood flowed through me like a clean river, cleansing each organ, each memory, each thought. The parts that died so long ago were awakened. They rejoiced. Drank from the river as if it was the last water left to drink from. Each part of me was alive...or atleast working its way to being alive again. Being fully functional again. But in some deep dark part of my head I knew that it was just a breeze. It would come and go. Like all things in life. It would come and cleanse my world, awaken me.....then blow away, to find someone else....leaving me to die all over again. But to my surprise, it stayed. It kept vivifying me with its life. Whispering secrets in my ear. Willing me to live. Willing me to feel. Willing me to breathe. And so I lived. And I felt. And I breathed. Every morning, I'd wake up thinking, this is the day it leaves....today I will be alone again. But it stayed with me. It completed me. Like a puzzle. It filled in all those missing pieces. It covered me. Like a lover. It stayed over, keeping me safe. Protecting me. Loving me. When the wind blew from the other direction, my breeze fought it. The other winds tried to blow me away....tried to suck me into their abyss of nothingness....but my heavenly breeze was strong. It blew and fought....until all those that tried to hurt me, that tried to take me away from it, faded away. It stayed with me on all those black nights when I was sure something big and bad would jump out of the shadows and consume me. It fought for me. It kept me alive. It strengthened me. And so I started believing that it would stay with me forever. For all of eternity. It would hold me together. Everything inside me became clean. Pure like a virgin. Unharmed and untouched. It caressed me where no hand can touch. At each caress, my nerves tingled with life. And just like that it became my whole world. But then, when I let all my walls down...when I started believing that I would never be alone again, never be left at the worlds mercy again......it blew away. Just like any other gust of wind. My heavenly breeze blew past me. Away from me. Taking all the life and warmth it had brought with it. And I was left gasping for air. Each breath of air felt like poison, because I couldn't taste the sweetness of that comfort that I thought would always be mine. My breeze left me just like that. Like I was nothing special. Like it had better things to do. And I know that it is out there now, protecting someone else. Someone who deserves it more then me. Yet, I am selfish...it was mine. It was my protector. It was my lover. And now I am dying inside all over again. Each part that was caressed now withers away like the remains of a long forgotten corpse. Each organ that once bloomed to life, like a rose....has now deflated; become hallow once more. All the life, the warmth, the comfort, the love.....all of it is gone. I am empty. Just a shell. I try to beckon it. Try to will my breeze to come back to me. But it doesn't hear me. Maybe it was all a distant dream. But at night, when the demons come out to take my soul away....something inside me trembles, shudders with the memories of my breeze. My aura still lingers with the scent of the protection that was once there. The demons eat chunks of my soul. The try to devour my heart. But I wrap my arms around me, hugging myself, whispering to that distant breeze, calling out to it, coaxing it, summoning it to come save me again. No one comes. I am dying again. I cannot survive the world without my breeze. I whisper to it at night. I believe it is out there somewhere. The world will not let me survive. Without it I am nothing.
I miss you. I will always love you. The places you once filled inside me are still empty...awaiting your return. I won't survive this without you. I need you. Please breathe life back into my bones. Please gust my way once more. Please.
|11 Jun 2008||Marie-couche-toi-là||Dear Al,
I've read what you wrote to a person like "Diaper Wearer" I really think this person is living something really bad in her life. Effectively, I do not think suicide is the answer. I lived an experience that was kind of similar... yet not the same and I felt really unhappy and depressive about that fact. I had to wear diapers at the same age and was feeling rejected... How can you date someone... either male or female without being judged or getting involved in a relationship and finding that you are with a fetishist who loves you, not for yourself but for the diaper you are wearing (sorry, but this can happen).
Please, make the test... ask your lover what would happen to your couple if tomorrow you were wearing diapers for the rest of your life... or if you had a colostomy... will the other stay with you?
You must know that some of your interventions, even if you have good intentions indeed, may sound like a slap in the face to a person who would just need understanding, not precise directions... either in action or in faith.
On that perticular matter, I do not think this page is made for proselytism... you probably say to yourself: Oh my God, someone wants to commit suicide... he must have nerver heard of Jesus who saves, I have to let them know about Him!!!" Again, you probably have good intentions, however I do not think these kind of arguments will actually help. Did you know that "bad things" can happen provoked by an action in wich there was all the good intentions of the earth?
And speaking of religion and suicide... It is a beleif the Jesus was knowing everything that was going to happen in his life, the last supper episode shows that. Well I have this question for you. If Jesus knew that Judas would offer him to the soldiers... he probably knew that he would commit suicide. Then Why did'nt he stopped him? Could you aswer that question? And if Jesus was to occupied with the soldiers... why did'nt he talked about it with an apostle who could have react at the good moment. Was Jesus considering life as you do? All his life he considered poor people, prostitutes... people considered low in the society where they were living. And then today... people say "Jesus saves"... and tell me this, if Jesus knew forgiveness like he said he did... would he have saved Judas even for his treachery? Oh no, all the world should rejoice of this death, it gives a lot of people a guilty person to put the blame on.
Well, I think when a person is suicidal, it is not the time to add a faith crisis over it. And frankly... you already wrote to me about one of my post on that page... the message I posted was not a cry for help at all and you decided to write to me about Jesus anyway. You also gave me the UK suicidal crisis number... Hey, I'm in Canada, that's not much of a help! You tell the people on that page to consider their action... have you considered your actions towards them? I really think that if a person have to find Jesus on his way, he will find him by himself.
Let's leave a place to doubt in our lives... it makes us think and then we don't have to apply recepies (religious or not)! Doubt will keep us away from this trap called TRUTH... Truth can be good... but the trap I'm talking about is when there is only one truth.
Please pray for them... it would be a better help!
|01 Jun 2008||estaban vajillo||dear mouchette,
it is intriguing to me as to why you continue this madness. i dont mean that in a mean way either. i wouldnt keep a website like this running for very long. i think it would loose intrest. which is my curiosity why you keep doing this. is it the movie? are you that much a die hard fan of the movie? is it to look at how pathetic people are? is it to say i do/dont have it that bad? is it because sometimes your life gets boring and you just need something to do? im not saying you should be shut down. or that i blame you.
why do i come here? because i am suicidal and completely addicted to this website. i think because it gives me insight on how others lead shitty lives and how it makes them feel. i think it makes me a more efficient predator to learn what weaknesses one has due to lifes hardships and then i can exploit them.
|19 Apr 2008||dead inside.||we all flirt with tiniest notion
of self conclusion in one simplified motion
you see the trick is that your never suppose to act on it
no matter how unbearable this misery gets
|18 Apr 2008||Pedro Cagigal||See Practicas Suicidas in www.experimentosculturales.com
9 suicidal performances in ecuador