|Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.|
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?
Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
|02 Oct 2008||the poet's entourage||What's with being left out and feeling like its your fault entirely?
|18 Aug 2008||Joe Lee||Hi, this is Joe, its been a while, I hope everyone is doing well in this fucked up world. I am just as fucked up as ever, the weird thing is after a person been crazy for so long, it actually start to feel normal now. Of course I cant speak objectively about my condition, but everyone think I am fucking nuts to some insane degree, so I will take peoples word for it.
I been reading some of my past writings and just shocked at what I wrote, it was kind of funny too, but mostly shocked by the strangeness of my past state of mind, multiple personality is a bitch, and it is even worse when people dont tell you anything about it and just watch you make a fool out of yourself. It is like all my personalities feels normal to me, but I only know the different by my past actions.
When I was little I thought the whole world is simply my imagination, and then as I grow up, I realize it is impossible maybe it is possible, I do feel sorry for people and things living inside of my imaginations.
Lately I have a lot of déjà vu experiences that is like I have seen it or done it before, but I swear to god that I never done any of it in the past. Maybe I just dont remember my past actions because I am so crazy, but why dont people tell me. It is as if all my personalities evolve over the time and I simply cant tell the difference any more. I feel as normal as ever right now, but is that objectively speaking?
I dont know about you kids, but I have real problems, multiple problems since I was little. Too many things feel so familiar to me that I feel I am some sort of genius who just know things naturally, but maybe in fact, I just dont remember what I have done before because I did with separate sets of head. Someone once told me You know more than you think you know. I was like what the fuck is that suppose to mean? Now I think I begin to know.
Maybe I am a good person, for all that is good will end up well
Maybe I am bad, and then this is hell hell, that does ring a bell, guess only time can tell
The more and more I begin to understand myself, the more and more I feel its too late for me now. If I really did kill myself when I was 13, it will be worth it too late for me now, I have gone too far and its getting too exciting just trying to figure myself out.
Lately I been very paranoid about that I may have some supernatural power, at one point, I thought my dog was actually God. I was so depressed and mad and thought nothing could make me happy again, and just then my dog put a paper bag over her head and running like a fool. I was like Only God could make me laugh with such good timing and I was seriously trying to communicate to her as if she is a God you might feel that is crazy, but I believed it, I still believe it to some degree because some of my prediction actually did come true.
So if you are really only 13 or younger and you want to die, I say think it over, try to be objective about your own craziness, then if you think you might end up like me, I say either really fucking do it or just steal some money and go travel the world. Sometimes, you could at least numb your senses when you travel and seeing new places. Try to sell your soul to the devil or Jesus if you havent already, either deal should intensify your psychotic ride.
|15 Aug 2008||Doug, old friend and lover||The best way to kill yourself when you're under 13 is to remain under 13 forever. Now this is an abstract answer, but I know, Mouchette, you will understand as I'm sure you're sophisticated audience will, as well.
DB8088, old friend and lover
|01 Aug 2008||dead inside.||This is the end. I can feel it in my bones, in my skin. Like a disease eating each molecule of my being one by one. Something inside me is dying. Again. I can feel it. It makes my bones ache. I can't afford to let anything more die inside me. I've lost so much...I've been hanging on by threads. A cool breeze came and saved me a few years ago. It filled me with fresh life...I felt alive. I could feel with every nerve in my body. My blood flowed through me like a clean river, cleansing each organ, each memory, each thought. The parts that died so long ago were awakened. They rejoiced. Drank from the river as if it was the last water left to drink from. Each part of me was alive...or atleast working its way to being alive again. Being fully functional again. But in some deep dark part of my head I knew that it was just a breeze. It would come and go. Like all things in life. It would come and cleanse my world, awaken me.....then blow away, to find someone else....leaving me to die all over again. But to my surprise, it stayed. It kept vivifying me with its life. Whispering secrets in my ear. Willing me to live. Willing me to feel. Willing me to breathe. And so I lived. And I felt. And I breathed. Every morning, I'd wake up thinking, this is the day it leaves....today I will be alone again. But it stayed with me. It completed me. Like a puzzle. It filled in all those missing pieces. It covered me. Like a lover. It stayed over, keeping me safe. Protecting me. Loving me. When the wind blew from the other direction, my breeze fought it. The other winds tried to blow me away....tried to suck me into their abyss of nothingness....but my heavenly breeze was strong. It blew and fought....until all those that tried to hurt me, that tried to take me away from it, faded away. It stayed with me on all those black nights when I was sure something big and bad would jump out of the shadows and consume me. It fought for me. It kept me alive. It strengthened me. And so I started believing that it would stay with me forever. For all of eternity. It would hold me together. Everything inside me became clean. Pure like a virgin. Unharmed and untouched. It caressed me where no hand can touch. At each caress, my nerves tingled with life. And just like that it became my whole world. But then, when I let all my walls down...when I started believing that I would never be alone again, never be left at the worlds mercy again......it blew away. Just like any other gust of wind. My heavenly breeze blew past me. Away from me. Taking all the life and warmth it had brought with it. And I was left gasping for air. Each breath of air felt like poison, because I couldn't taste the sweetness of that comfort that I thought would always be mine. My breeze left me just like that. Like I was nothing special. Like it had better things to do. And I know that it is out there now, protecting someone else. Someone who deserves it more then me. Yet, I am selfish...it was mine. It was my protector. It was my lover. And now I am dying inside all over again. Each part that was caressed now withers away like the remains of a long forgotten corpse. Each organ that once bloomed to life, like a rose....has now deflated; become hallow once more. All the life, the warmth, the comfort, the love.....all of it is gone. I am empty. Just a shell. I try to beckon it. Try to will my breeze to come back to me. But it doesn't hear me. Maybe it was all a distant dream. But at night, when the demons come out to take my soul away....something inside me trembles, shudders with the memories of my breeze. My aura still lingers with the scent of the protection that was once there. The demons eat chunks of my soul. The try to devour my heart. But I wrap my arms around me, hugging myself, whispering to that distant breeze, calling out to it, coaxing it, summoning it to come save me again. No one comes. I am dying again. I cannot survive the world without my breeze. I whisper to it at night. I believe it is out there somewhere. The world will not let me survive. Without it I am nothing.
I miss you. I will always love you. The places you once filled inside me are still empty...awaiting your return. I won't survive this without you. I need you. Please breathe life back into my bones. Please gust my way once more. Please.
|11 Jun 2008||Marie-couche-toi-là||Dear Al,
I've read what you wrote to a person like "Diaper Wearer" I really think this person is living something really bad in her life. Effectively, I do not think suicide is the answer. I lived an experience that was kind of similar... yet not the same and I felt really unhappy and depressive about that fact. I had to wear diapers at the same age and was feeling rejected... How can you date someone... either male or female without being judged or getting involved in a relationship and finding that you are with a fetishist who loves you, not for yourself but for the diaper you are wearing (sorry, but this can happen).
Please, make the test... ask your lover what would happen to your couple if tomorrow you were wearing diapers for the rest of your life... or if you had a colostomy... will the other stay with you?
You must know that some of your interventions, even if you have good intentions indeed, may sound like a slap in the face to a person who would just need understanding, not precise directions... either in action or in faith.
On that perticular matter, I do not think this page is made for proselytism... you probably say to yourself: Oh my God, someone wants to commit suicide... he must have nerver heard of Jesus who saves, I have to let them know about Him!!!" Again, you probably have good intentions, however I do not think these kind of arguments will actually help. Did you know that "bad things" can happen provoked by an action in wich there was all the good intentions of the earth?
And speaking of religion and suicide... It is a beleif the Jesus was knowing everything that was going to happen in his life, the last supper episode shows that. Well I have this question for you. If Jesus knew that Judas would offer him to the soldiers... he probably knew that he would commit suicide. Then Why did'nt he stopped him? Could you aswer that question? And if Jesus was to occupied with the soldiers... why did'nt he talked about it with an apostle who could have react at the good moment. Was Jesus considering life as you do? All his life he considered poor people, prostitutes... people considered low in the society where they were living. And then today... people say "Jesus saves"... and tell me this, if Jesus knew forgiveness like he said he did... would he have saved Judas even for his treachery? Oh no, all the world should rejoice of this death, it gives a lot of people a guilty person to put the blame on.
Well, I think when a person is suicidal, it is not the time to add a faith crisis over it. And frankly... you already wrote to me about one of my post on that page... the message I posted was not a cry for help at all and you decided to write to me about Jesus anyway. You also gave me the UK suicidal crisis number... Hey, I'm in Canada, that's not much of a help! You tell the people on that page to consider their action... have you considered your actions towards them? I really think that if a person have to find Jesus on his way, he will find him by himself.
Let's leave a place to doubt in our lives... it makes us think and then we don't have to apply recepies (religious or not)! Doubt will keep us away from this trap called TRUTH... Truth can be good... but the trap I'm talking about is when there is only one truth.
Please pray for them... it would be a better help!
|01 Jun 2008||estaban vajillo||dear mouchette,
it is intriguing to me as to why you continue this madness. i dont mean that in a mean way either. i wouldnt keep a website like this running for very long. i think it would loose intrest. which is my curiosity why you keep doing this. is it the movie? are you that much a die hard fan of the movie? is it to look at how pathetic people are? is it to say i do/dont have it that bad? is it because sometimes your life gets boring and you just need something to do? im not saying you should be shut down. or that i blame you.
why do i come here? because i am suicidal and completely addicted to this website. i think because it gives me insight on how others lead shitty lives and how it makes them feel. i think it makes me a more efficient predator to learn what weaknesses one has due to lifes hardships and then i can exploit them.
|19 Apr 2008||dead inside.||we all flirt with tiniest notion
of self conclusion in one simplified motion
you see the trick is that your never suppose to act on it
no matter how unbearable this misery gets
|18 Apr 2008||Pedro Cagigal||See Practicas Suicidas in www.experimentosculturales.com
9 suicidal performances in ecuador
|18 Apr 2008||Pedro Cagigal||bloody and sexual performace, with a NY taxi driver called Jim Jones. But first study art classes and acting, do it in front of youre family, and include the collaboration of a celebrity|
|08 Dec 2007||Joe Lee||Ok, I am here to help, my girl friend just left me and once again I am suicidal. I enjoy been treated like a boss, but she don't enjoy to be treated like a slave. What can you say? I ain't doing shit lately, have some work I need to do but still wonder of to this crazy site. You people if any who is actually crazy need to get help, and hopefully soon. I wanted to die once, but now I want to live. I want to live until the end of the world and see you punks trying to do the same. I give you maximal of a 100 years... death isn't that what we all afraid of? no body want to die, dying is not cool, if you are dead, then you are history, and history sucks? Just step back and think it through.
Each one of you have some talent that no one else have. But you need to find it, damn kids do pron now days, but if that's what it take for you to live then fuck. You can be doing the dirtiest shit in the world, but as long as you are alive, then there is alwasy tomorrow.
Now to the more serious topic about killing yourself, do it naked in public and in a shocking way, but please don't kill someone you don't know, they might like me wants to live.
Living is good, you breath air and drink water, and eat fast food. fuck I sure am not under 13 so I am rich, biach.
No, I am serious, just find any kind of job you can do. Join the army, the navy, or marine and keep your finger crossed if there is a war. Personally I will like to go to war with China because they will be a worthy opponent. War brings death, it's a win-win situation for you. Either you die or you are a hero.
If you want to be a hooker, then fuck your way out of suicide.
If you want to be a plumber, then plumb your way out of shit holes.
If you want to be a dope dealer, then deal you way out of death.
You can't escape, and there is no where for you to run unless you can outrun time, which is always faster than our monkey ass. So If you want to speed up the ride, fucking do it then.
What's up with you kids all want to be famous or something? I am 92 years old and I seen some wild shit in my days and to this day I still want to die.
People tell me "just wait until time come take you away." I say fuck that shit until my balls don't work you don't take pussy away.
You have your whole shitty life infront of you but what do you care? You just want to die and hope people will remember. But the thing is no one will remember. Do you think people from the future will read this crap and study the artistic beauty of this shit? hell no, at least I hope not.
I want to live in the society where everyone is naked from head to toe. With no shame and no love. let me say to you this people from the future. I will be long dead when you read this, but your day is coming as well. You really have to be God himself in order to escape death.
So how to be a God? There are many ways, and all of them are crazy, un tested, and possibily works. One way is dip yourself in a pool of fresh blood, it does NOT have to be human. If you can find some chickens then just drink its fresh blood.. that is only the first step.
Step 2 is expose yourself in public naked. No one have to see, but just do it to get rid of your fear for public nudity. Do it behind a dumpster.
Step 3. Take a shit behing that same dumpster from step 2
Step 4. Try to express how you feel in front of large group of people,
Step 5. Start to kill little animals from small to big. A rat to an elephant sort of speaking.
Step 6. Do you really want me to go on? I have whole fucking day.
The point is you need to kill fucking rats so making the world a cleaner place. Eat them if you have to. I have been homeless, live onthe street sometime you get so hungry that you could eat a rat. Find some dry wood and start yourself a rat roast. It taste as good as chicken or better.
please don't kill yourself if you havn't eat rat yet. Then you missing out a lot. I have seen people die on the street in the cold, in the heat, in the rain, in the dust, and in the wind. I have seen people fucking on top the statue of libraty and in a submarine.
Life is full of excitments that waiting for you to explore. Just walk out on the street and spit in people's face. That will just be the way how you start your day. Or you can wake up to some coffee laced with rum and vodka and go to work? Whatever your taste, please just wake up another day.
|25 Nov 2007||dead inside.||When I made my first post on November 4th 2006, this site hadn't been updated or used (i'm not sure which) since August 21st 2006. Maybe its just fate because as soon as I posted, the site was updated and I got an email the very next day from a stranger who turned out to be the love of my life. Its been a little over a year now. See, life is full of secrets and surprises. You gotta stick around to discover them.|
|21 Nov 2007||the girl||i enjoy that mouchette has been nearly 13 for some years now|
|20 Nov 2007||dead inside.||I kinda miss The Bitter End. I wonder where he/she is off too. I miss being heckled about my posts. It was something to look forward to. And Kim, your gone too. I miss you too. And the man with no name.. .I hope your finding the answers your looking for. So many lives all intermingled in one sight, and none know what the other looks like. We come here and vent and talk and then move on. Some of us come back to share a story of victory, others come back to say that they are definitly done with life now. Some don't come back at all... some can't find the light... and are buried in confusion only till death frees them, but really it solves nothing. And to some this is all just some big joke. So many different people... from all walks of life. And the only thing we all have in common... is suicide. Something brought us here. And well here we are. Says something about the state of humanity, don't you think?|
|18 Nov 2007||dead inside.||I gave this advice to someone earlier today, I thought I'd share it with everyone....
The world is your canvas, and you are an artist. Paint it with colors. Colors of life. Some dark and gloomy. Others bright and beautiful. And in the end you'll have a story. And it won't just be any story, it'll be your story. A story of triumph, of pain, of suffering, of winning, of losing, of getting up every time you fall down. Wear your scars with pride, internal or external, because when its all said and done they will remind you of everything you've overcome.
Keep fighting kids.
There's always a tomorrow.
|16 Nov 2007||Melissa||Hey. This is my 2nd visit here. Last I was here was 4th September 2005! That night I had written bad things here, I hated my self and was suicidal.
Now its 2007 and I feel much better. I got over the whole suicide thing, because I changed things in my life and I seeked help from a professional.
I see my scars on my wrist, but I just smile because thats the past and im heading for the future.
Don't let depression win, why should it? You're all stronger than 'depression'. Just practice controlling your thoughts. Its works.
|09 Nov 2007||Dexter||Let me tell you a story. It's a story about Danny. Danny and the ancient monk.
Danny was a normal person. He worked hard, had a nice house and two cats. Nothing to worry about. He didn't have a wife or kids. Didn't want them either. But he was searching for something. A reason to live.
One day, he met an old monk. He asked him: "what is the reason to live?"
The monk answered: "The reason to live is like a spoon."
He went home and thought about this. A week later, he still didn't understand and so he asked the monk: "Why is the reason to live like a spoon?"
The old man answered: "There is no spoon."
The day after, he took a spoon with him and showed it to the monk.
The monk said: "Now you understand."
The reason to live is like a spoon. There is none, unless you find one yourself.
|27 Oct 2007||dead inside.||There are things in this world
That I don't understand
Like love, war, gravity
Or the lay of the land
But all of these, remain mysteries
One thing is for sure
You are worth living for.
Sometimes when I let my mind run free
It never fails and it goes right to you...
And a smile takes a hold of me.
I miss you alot. All the time. Hope your okay. Alt3.
|06 Oct 2007||The person with no name||I seem to have forgotten to mention who I am. It doesn't matter. I'm a nobody. 'The person with no name'. It is a title which fits me well. No one knows me. The only way someone would notice, I'm gone, would be because I stopped paying the rent and the files on my desk have not been archived.
to flip side. If a sheep gets lost, would you blame the sheep or the shepherd?
God has made man. If this is true, then he is also (partly) responsible. If you slap me in the face, it would be your doing, and I would blame you. Yet the fact remains, that you'd be of god's creation. If you did it in the name of God, then I'd blame him as well.
The world is in a terrible shape. If he is almighty, why would he leave it like this? A test? Hardships makes us stronger, yet many get broken.
The fact that I'm curious, is not because god made me. It is to find out if he did. There is always a possibility. I am searching for whatever makes me go on. Even if there is nothing, the search keeps me going. Finding something might not take my troubles away, But it would make it easier to live.
To another perspective. I was indeed wrong about her age, but not much. The actual marriage took place and was consumated when she was nine. Yet she was already bethroted to him when she was six. I wonder if someone so young, can take care of someone already around fifty.
The Quran may be gods words. It remains a fact that a human wrote those words down. Even if god is perfect, that human was not. It has been passed on by others. Have they faithfully kept the words? Have they added some of their own? Maybe they forgot some of them?
I have prayed for enlightenment. I have begged for mercy. I have pleaded for Him of whatever was out there to end my misery. The only thing I've experienced was a rainstorm chilling me to the bone.
I don't know why I keep sane. Maybe because there is one certainty. Death will be the end of this journey, whether I find religion or not. Maybe other adventures will follow, but it does not matter. I believe this is why I haven't killed myself yet. One day I will be dead anyway. In the meantime, I might as well try to live.
|03 Oct 2007||So many people say: Jesus died for you and the least you owe him is to live.
I know no Jesus. I've never met him. He was already dead before I was even born. I owe him Nothing.
The Bible writes about love. Seeing how many people god kills, I no longer believe in him being merciful... And God so hated his only son, that he gave him to the world, that the world might have him.
I've been to churches and found cold stone. Colored glas depicting sheep, staring in awe, at the shepherd. Candles burning, hoping to lure unwary travellers inside. Stories about the horrors of hell, which seemed like paradise, compared to real life. The glory of the church, plunging man into its cold and unyielding shadow.
I've walked into a mosque and settled down on the carpet. Heard empty words, about the promissed land, unstained by unbevelievers. The preaching of peace, written down by a man who has fougt hundreds of battles. Talk about the innocence of children, from someone whose wife was five years old.
I've walked into a buddist temple. Peace and serenity dwelled within, while the poor and destitute dwelled outside.
Having seen all of this, I have no reason to believe in any god. If there is one, I'd gladly slay him to rid the world of his evil.
|01 Oct 2007||dead inside.||i think everyone just needs to learn to live. they should have a class called living life 101 at schools now a days, them kids seem to really need that kinda thing. just live thru it. survive. just survive.|