Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
07 Mar 2003 Lucy Cortina Breastfully truthfull. Did you expect less? I'm not Britney...
07 Mar 2003 Michael Mackellar ...And so it should be, Lucy.
Let us seek Peace. Let us become effectively gentle and thoughtfully caring towards one another. Lucy Cortina... Such a Beautiful name!! And how blessfully truthful it seems for you.
06 Mar 2003 Lucy Cortina When I first came to this site I was jut a suicidal freak called Lucy, with larger-than-average 'bloomers'. I used writings from a book I was reading at the time to get my, er, 'talents' noticed. Which ain't easy when you're among suicidal people!
In musical terms I did a "cover-version" which presented my vocal (and breastial) skills to the world.
Since then I've (they've) literally been 'thrust' (*ooh!*) into the limelight, which is where I've (they've) remained.
Like Madonna, a bit of re-invention (and a few new bras!) was necessary. If no-one bought my records (or prodded my tits), and I didn't remain in the Top 10 (Mouchie's "favourites" list) then I would have floated away like a fart in space.
So, just like we're stuck with the likes of awful Aguilera, Britney Spears, etc. in this world, you are stuck with me, until I start turning to pills and booze to escape my showbiz life.

Now, if we can't resolve this conflict Michael - and I extend my bosom in the name of Peace - then let's start throwing our dollies at each other.
I have a new stock of bras just ready for action...

"We come in peace".
05 Mar 2003 Lucy Cortina Know the feeling Michael. It's like The Osbourne's. Sure, Ozzy is ok. But then comes Jack. And the dreaded daughter Kelly to murder a Madonna track.
Keep the family away! This site is not for children!
05 Mar 2003 Michael Mackellar In case any one is wondering... i caved-in last week. It was in consequence of reading far too many back catalogue postings by some wanker named Lucy Focking Cortina.
Needless to say, i have never been more offended by myself.
"The Higher Madness" awaits...
What ever happened to Sad King Billy?????????
05 Mar 2003 Lucy Cortina Felicia, I used to have the utmost respect for you until you started "dissing" and making a mockery out of my lushibuous breasts.
And they have feelings too!!!! They're a bit upset by all the press attention they have been getting recently. Forget about Justin Timberlake "grabbing Kylie Minogue's ass" being all over the news. Now it's just my tits. Reporters have such filthy minds! Shows how shallow the world is. I can't base my career on my chest, I have other qualities too! (Besides, it would fall off my chest). For example my eye lashes. They are so delicate, like silk.
03 Mar 2003 Felicia How To Give Water To A Dead Horse

“ Number one the horse is dead; so you flip him over with mouth open face forward towards the boat, positioned belly up. Then you tie a few ropes, loop the rope to a pulley, and rev your engine to sail using Lucy Cortina’s 40 DD bra. The water will surely go into the dead horse. Though you try to make sense of the whole thing, you’ve accomplished your goal. Never think that anything is impossible, because ‘impossible is but a word’. But never kill yourself for the sake of having to end a miserable life, because you never know what’s on the other side… it could be your Mother-in-law or someone you really can’t stand.”

End of story.
21 Feb 2003 Lucy Cortina *OO-ER*, I suspect a little too much of the old Smirnoff Ice may have passed your lips Michael.
I am only an inoccent gal floating in the corner of the room with delicate satin to spare my blushes.
We come in peace!
21 Feb 2003 nomeD cilegnA ~Since my earliest childhood a barb of sorrow has been lodged within my heart. As long as it stays put i am ironic... if it is pulled out i shall die. ~Soren
20 Feb 2003 Lucy Cortina Yes Michael, Solaris has been spotted, sandwiched in between my baps. Leave the poor mite be, he's safe and warm, with milk on tap if he needs it.
19 Feb 2003 Lucy Cortina Things get weirder in my life. And in life in general.
After sucking on too many yellow lollies, my lips got stuck together and I ended up with a "trout pout". So as you can imagine I look like a fish. Or a mermaid. A mermaid with 2 inflated dinghies on top of her.
So here I am, floating along in the ocean of life, waiting for a big steamer full of sailor boys to pick me up.
Shit! I just forgot about the WAR. I remember seeing signs saying "Don't Attack Iraq!" this morning when I went to buy my newspaper + condoms.
I could be killed by some huge navy vessel!!! So I need another type of 'vessel' to save me...

18 Feb 2003 Michael Mackellar ...back where the dogs bark/where still-life bleeds the concrete white/try not to go too far inside/your mind//back where the cars collide/where the lame star limps an endless mile/you can only go so far/for Womankind//if you were the one... would i even notice now that my mind has gone/if you were the one... would i even notice? back where the past is parked/where the canine in the A-line stole your time/have i gone too far inside/my mind?
~Bernard Butler+Brett Anderson
Has anyone out here seen Solaris??????
15 Feb 2003 Lucy Cortina Boob update: expansion of the fittest. Swelling phenomenal. I'm becoming one of those black African women that you see on these TV adverts that say "Please donate £1/month for some starving baby you have never and will never meet". You know, the ones with well droopy titties. I would give just £1 a month to those poor people so that the lady-folk could buy a bra between them. Anything to stop this horror on my TV screen!
Which is why I'm urging the lovely suicidal community of to donate me £1 a month so that I can purchase a stronger bra (I already used all the shopping bags, bin liners (not Bin Laden!), bed sheets and sellotape trying to keep my knockers under containment. They all broke).
So, that's £1 a month, and 2 bottles of lip gloss and 10 packs of self-heating face masks a month, please! And any other donations are welcome (even sperm if you so wish. I will have your babies for you, so long as it pays!)

I await your generosity in the name of breastexplosionity.
12 Feb 2003 Kim Mackellar Don't come to me_it's difficult for me to talk with you_i cannot Love you_and it's not within me to give_that breath of Truth_Don't come to me The years have closed tight shut_in the abyss of terrible distances_the flamelets of desire have died_you have become a memory deceived_you are somewhere near_the years have closed tight shut Don't come to me_i shall not return to that crystal world_you are the distant echo of a song_you were for Us but became_that which one loses without finding_Don't come to me [unknown mental patient]
10 Feb 2003 Michael Cygne SYMPARANECROMENIAN FAVORITES. VOL. !! It is said that 2 English noblewomen were once riding along a road when they met a man whose horse had run away with him and who, being in danger of falling off, shouted out for help. One of the Englishwomen turned upon the other and said, "A hundred guineas he bails." "Taken," said the other. With that they spurred their horses to a gallop and hurried on ahead to open the tollgates and to prevent anything from getting in the way of the runaway horse. In the same way, though without that heroinic and billionaire-like spleen, our own reflective and sensible age is like a curious, critical and worldly-wise person, who, at the most, has vitality enough to lay a wager. ~Soren
10 Feb 2003 Lucy Cortina Sorry I've been away. My boobs have expanded cos I had an allergic reaction to some soft mints. I'm red raw and like a fuckin hippo with tits. Still, I managed to play more pranks in the seaside town with my friend, who did a poop in a bag and then posted it through the letterbox, so the postman will get a poopy surprise! Poop Post, Royal Mail.
I love that t.A.T.u lesbian love song. The nurse at my unit who is a lezbo rubbed my back down with cream cos of my rash the other day, which was sickening.
Hmm I'm just telling you about my real life now, which is rather boring compared to the schizophrenic one :)
10 Feb 2003 Ichabod Doldrumsky Eclipse 3 [ADROIT IDIOT] ...i will take Legos and slam them into my body. Very, very repeatedly. Very, very... ineffectually. So it may make just as much sense as what most americans do with the day. i will draw up a conventional plan. i will wall up myself every day, say 2 Legos, for instance. Then i will set fire to everything. It will burn for a time. It will burn for 13 minutes. Only the Legos will remain, all melted together and ebonized... And so i shall remain. So i shall survive... or at least as an imitation on the order of actual-survival. ~Sorry i left CA so prematurely. i really needed to finish up 'The Limits of Vision'. Honestly, i also really needed to talk with you... yet, sensing myself as having nothing worth saying, and lacking the strength to go through with proving it... left no room for the Splendor which still feels so inclined to await.
A thinker erects an immense building, a system, a system which embraces the whole of existence and world history... and if we contemplate her personal life, we discover this terrible and ludicrous fact, that she herself personally does not live in this immense high-vaulted palace, but in a barn alongside of it, or in a toolshed... or at the most in the porter's lodge. If one were to take the liberty of calling her attention to this by a single word, she would be offended. For she has no fear of being under a delusion, if only she can get the system completed... by means of the delusion. ~Nicolaus Notabean
06 Feb 2003 Anton Anomalovich INVISIBLE INK. there comes a time when you swim or sink so i jumped in the drink because i could not make myself clear... maybe i wrote in invisible ink i've tried to think how i could have made it appear... but another illustration is wasted since the results are the same... i feel like a ghost who's trying to move your hands over some ouija board in the hopes i can spell out my name... what some take for magic at first glance is just sleight of hand depending on what you believe... something gets lost when you translate it's hard to keep straight perspective is everything... and i know now which is which and what angle i ought to look at it from... i suppose i should be happy to be misread... better be that than some of these other things i have become... and aside from that this chain of reaction is losing a link... though i'd hope you'd know what i tried to tell you... and if you don't i could draw you a picture with invisible ink. ~Aimee
06 Feb 2003 Anti Climaxicus If conscience is deceived, does it finally take its toll? It is like the woman who offered to sell to Tarquin a collection of Divine Psychology books and when he would not give the sum demanded she burned one-third of them and demanded the same sum, and when again he declined the sum demanded she burned another third of them and demanded the same sum, until finally he gave the original sum for the final third... ~Judge William

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