Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
11 Sep 2004 Phil Ooh Felicia, you know imitating Mouchette used to carry a heavy punishment...

Bollocks if they have found Lucy's body (or boobies), don't let that stupid president guy fill you full of gobshit about me. If they had found her breasts they would have inflated like one of those inflatable beds and consumed the world. Once they expand there's no stopping them... I should know. They need to be contained at all costs!
Revive Lucy? Bollocks. I searched for her for months and she was nowehere to be found.
No no, it's a hoax. Don't believe any of it.
11 Sep 2004 Mouchette Tech Support The laughing section that you witnessed was indeed operated under a midi program run by a sick hairless monkey.

A group of aardvarks got together and formed a protest. In the midst, a pig was trampled on by a herd of noisy buffalo, as a spectator recorded the squealing sounds. It was later recorded backwards to form a laughing effect.
03 Sep 2004 aneglgurl hey mouchette, when I went on your site in the library there was this laughing sound that came from my computer. the whole of the library then started laughing. you are one sick fuck!
01 Sep 2004 President Bobo of the SSSS agency I can confirm that a booby (sorry, body) was recently discovered, and on my identification of the booby (sorry, body), I found it to be that of one of our SSSS agents, Lucy Cortina. The last news I heard of her was that she and agent Danny had gone missing, and our investigation into their disappearance led us to a cryogenics lab hidden inside Mount Booby (which is incidentally shaped like a booby). We believe that the evil Dr Philville was responsible for this, as he had been hounding Danny and Lucy with death warrants. He is a bit crazy in the head and had recently escaped from a secure mental hospital, and for whatever reasons he had, wanted Lucy dead. He is still at large.
We believe that agent Danny, out of his infinate love for Lucy('s breasts), froze Lucy in the cryogenics lab so that one day, he could return to Mount Booby and bring her back to life. Agent Danny, however, is still mising - presumed dead.
Curiously, we also discovered that Lucy Cortina's right nipple was missing from her breast, and that her breasts had considerably deflated since her 'Expansion' years. We plan to revive Lucy, but as of yet we are unable to do so. This is because of the missing nipple from Lucy's breast. We need to find the nipple ASAP, as Lucy's breasts are continuing to deflate at an alarming rate. It seems that the nipples act as corks - imagine a balloon without anything to stop the air escaping - this is what is happening to Lucy's breasts. Without her breasts, there would be no point reviving Lucy as her primary function in the SSSS agency is to seduce.
If we cannot find her nipple, we shall sell the remains of her breasts on e-bay.

Thank you Mouchette, for allowing me to post this update (and I will speak to you in private later about the millions you will pay for Lucy's breasts, as I know you were somewhat obsessed with her, plus you can afford them unlike some of the paupers around here).
29 Aug 2004 Phil The gay jokes? The world has gone gay, that's why! Pink blood now oozes down the screen whenever I make a post. Mouchette is really my boyfriend, that's why he always pushes my posts into his favourite list.
28 Aug 2004 me@hook a battle that many of us face in our lives is that of awakening.

it is a battle with the self that never ends.

i have been thinking lately about the circle of pain...

and how the circle of pain within my own life has continued in different places and with different people but always with me in the core of it.

i have decided to get out of the circle of pain and try as hard as i can to invite and allow pleasure and joy and peace to touch me inside.

have you ever considered that some of us are self destructive and self abusive and that it draws others locked into pain towards us ... thereby deepening the circle of pain?

i have recently been thinking about this.

i was given a great gift by someone.

my own pain is what drew them full of violence and anger and self hatred towards me gripped in the circle of pain. if i had not had that inside myself some place, it would not have resonated towards me.

anger waters the seeds of anger. violence begets violence.

the addiction to eternal complacency.
28 Aug 2004 Elena There are times when the sense of self feels like a sense of utter isolation and disconnection from others. Silence screams all around me. Is there anything louder than the silent treatment from someone who no longer cares about you? Is there anything louder than the air inside a room with only your thoughts? Being alone is good because everyone's speaking voice is so loud and clear when you finally emerge from your self imposed solitude. When i meditate, all of my fear surges up inside me and i stare it down and then gaze at it steadily and extend my hand in friendship.

i am remembering Paris now. i am remembering a perfumed bath and walking the streets alone late at night and in my aloneness knowing that i was indeed home. i am remembering Jerusalem now. i am remembering walking the streets of the Old City and in my aloneness knowing that i was indeed home inside Damascus Gate. i am remembering Trondheim, and the Icelandic outback, and Oslo, and Copenhagen, and Brussels... a few of the places where i have felt i was truly home.

There are many beautiful places in my memories where i have been and have had the surge of awareness that i was home. This is the sense of self and aloneness that i love the most. No one with me. On my own. Walking in the shadows. Listening. Breathing. Feeling my heartbeat in my chest.
28 Aug 2004 no hands Hi!
I'd like to order two large pizza, nachos for two and a diet coke! Thanks!

...wait a second... am I in the right place?
19 Aug 2004 crackerjack To the lady who asked "Why do people use the word faggot?".
Well, it's quite interesting that you should ask that.
It originated from the term "faggot", in the context of a bundle of sticks, which, as you probably know, evolved from the French term "faggotto", and of course previously and ultimately from the Greek "phakelos" (Li. "bundle"). This was in fact used as offensive term to describe women. More specifically, one's partner. This is because a woman can be seen to weigh one down, much in the same manner of a large bundle of sticks, which, if carried around for a long period of time, will without doubt become somewhat of a burden.
This expression, which evolved to describe male homosexuals in the early twentieth century, evolved almost certainly from this, in the belief that these males resembled women.
However! We must take into account the fact that it is regularly used outside the context of simply describing a homosexual person.
We can say "That teacher is such a faggot!!" While meaning, in fact, that teacher is 1) harsh 2)demanding 3)unfair, or anything else really!
In many ways it is a very interging word, which retains the spark of rudeness, while at the same time the versatility of being ready for use in friendly social situations.
For example.
Gay Person 1: "Hey, how you doing, my old faggot??"
Gay Person 2: "I'm great, you faggot you! It's great to see you!"
As you can see, it's versatility provides a great deal of uses, in casual, formal and imtimate situations! An excellent word! See now, isn't it better to be educated rather than just labelling something "bad".
15 Aug 2004 Harry Potter Hey! I got in mouchette's favourites!! I actually cast magic on Mouchette to make her do that, so I'm not that surprised to tell the truth.
13 Aug 2004 Phil Felicia is on the ball as always, yet I feel that in a way, "crackerjack" did have a SMALL point. Lucy's breasts did indeed start to become too big for her bra. And as Lucy's breasts inflated, so did my ego - and I became too big for my boots. Lucy retired because I am not sane or 'together' enough to do the hard but admirable work that 'normal' successful writers do. I still miss the times when I used to be in bed at night, and a flash of Lucy-inspiration whopped me in the face like a pair of swinging breasts (no need to say WHO the breasts belonged too). I can still pursue the breasts if I wish, though perhaps not so enthusiastically, plus they seem to swing less often these days. Perhaps Lucy decided enough was enough, got a reduction, and super-glued her breasts firmly together. I still miss the girl she was, but thankfully she still visits me from time to time.
11 Aug 2004 Felicia The Great Gatsby What Is A Critic?

A critic is a person who pays attention to every detail you do. Maybe it's because they care or maybe it's because they hate you. In this website, it can go both ways.

Does it matter that I'm gay? What if I wasn't? Does it matter if I'm Asian or Hispanic? What if I was African American? Why is it that some of you have a gripe when I speak with Phil or Lucy or Bill or Todd? I truly adore Phil because he made me laugh out of my misery in this website (apparently he emotionally saved my life). For Billy the Freak, I honestly believe that he is a comedian who collaborates well with Lucy. Why? Because I feel it and that this man should seriously get into acting or writing books. For Todd, I don’t know what happened to him but I honestly think that he is a cutie. (Well, from a girl’s standpoint, he truly is.) And to the affiliates, you have a gift in creating such an opinioned website.

As for the comment from Cracker Jack; is making conversation truly wrong? Does the fact that humans conversing in harmony bother you? Is it because that when you find that something so weird and perplexing cause you a disturbance? Say something that brings you to this concern. And please don’t have the fear of becoming homophobic…. I believe that you are a heterosexual and will not consider you to be a homophobe. Since I live in the capital of a gay community, San Francisco, I have friends in both sides.

Take a look at the world around and open your eyes to culture. You do not have to accept it or you can take it with a grain of salt. I'm sure you have something of value that you would like to share with me and Phil OR if you choose not to, you can share your insights with others that can relate with you on the same level. All people do not have to think alike. Always make note that “people are entitled to their own opinion”.

Be discreet and show courtesy to the suicidal minded people. These people are finding ways to console themselves by finding help or keeping occupied. Maybe having them read this website can give them the incentive to keep on living,

This is a website where all people of ethnic diversities are welcome to post their concerns, humor, advise, insults, and more.

Don't hold back and remember that today is the first day of the rest of your life.
10 Aug 2004 Harry Potter Hi everyone... I bet you are wondering why I'm suicidal... I bet you think I'm happy and sucessful... Why don't I just cast magic on myself to make me happy? Well, THINGS AREN'T ALRIGHT OKAY!!! I just want to cry sometimes!! I'm famous! I'm rich! Why haven't my balls dropped!?
Why does my winky always smell like dead fish?? I can't even pull the skin all the way back to see Mr Fireman Helmet... Why does that nasty old man Dumbledoor or whatever he's called, why does he always touch me like that?? I don't like it... (well, I do a little bit... sometimes.)
Why does that nice boy with red hair not like me anymore? Just cause I told him I'm gay. What's wrong with being gay? I like boys! You got a problem with that you goddamn Muggle bitch?!!
heheheh, damnit, i'm so stoned... pretty colours... hehehe.... wasted.
you know those fucking newspapers ran with the headlins "Harry Pot-Head" when that prince guy got caught smoking??? That's slander, those bitches!! I'm going to cast magic on those fucks!! They can't use my name like that!!!
09 Aug 2004 Sarojin Rather than killing yourself, you can alienate yourself from all of the reasons you might want to kill yourself - and the method of this alienation has already been made and polished thanks to the Free Software Foundation. That's right, install Linux, problem solved. No more woes, no more life.
03 Aug 2004 Felicia and the Spanking Monkey Phil baby!!!
I came back and decided to put some "Umphf" into this site once more. And besides, I love you back. Dear, some thing is wrong with my U key, it keeps popping out. I am watching a "Wayne's World" marathon and on my way to work. Didn't jump in the shower yet... too lazy. There is this male friend of mine I completely adore and it is his birthday today, August 3. He is absolutely gorgeous and loves "Jui Jit Su". Maybe he has some secret mission to conquer the world. But I am still down here... you know... folding origami, basket weaving, washing stinky four legged creatures, and listening to ABBA.

Oh my, where's my chiquiquita banana!

Oh wait!!!!! There it is!!!
01 Aug 2004 Phil *Tut tut*, you don't seem to understand. You see, it's because I have titillated and teased Mouchie for a few years now with Big Breasted Lucy Cortina, and he/she/they (?) still feels a buzz of naughty excitement whenever I am in close proximity.
01 Aug 2004 Flamer I HATE YOU MOUCHETTE!!!!! You're a fucking loser!!! Hey man, I can't say I understand all of your art, and even if I did understand it, I wouldn't give a damn either you boring NERDY death loving freak. But you sir, have the absolute WORST taste in the world!!! I mean, when it comes to choosing the your "favourite" answers on this site. What the fuck were you thinking when you put Phil's latest answers in your favourite posts? Was it funny, interesting..... anything??? NO!!!!!!!! It was nothing!! NOTHING!!!!! And for that Mouchette, you deserve to die and rot in hell for all eternity.

The best way to kill yourself if you are under 13 is SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DON'T ASK ME STUPID QUESTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
30 Jul 2004 Phil Felicia you naughty girl, how dare you. This is my first look back on this site in a while, and already Felicia is slandering me. It's a bit boring now on this forum since the regulars left in search of fame, but it's nice to see that Dear Felicia has remained in the gutter with the rest of us. I love you darling! I'm sure that even the most drab of people here have much more exciting lives than me. I've been cooped up with German relatives, and an uncle who is so old fashioned that we have to light a coal fire to get hot water (I'm surprised he hasn't started wearing leaves yet). My grandad, meanwhile, is a constant source of fun. He is in his late 70's, but once when he wanted to go to bed early, and my uncle said he couldn't (there's a little gate at the bottom of the stairs to stop him going up alone) he replied with "I'm fed up of this, I'm going to tell my mum!" Who of course is dead. This week he had another outburst, when my uncle was having a glass of whisky, and said "You can't have that, you're too young!!" My uncle is 49. And then there was the incident where he got up in the middle of the night, shouting like a madman, wanting to call a taxi. Enough said already.

It's been a tough few years and it's amnazing that I am still alive, but I think I take after Marilyn Manson (great guy), who says he is too selfish to kill himself. That's something for you all to consider, afterall, you TOO still read this forum don't you... (I know you do, Mr Billy and co)
29 Jul 2004 sinking margot one thing that nobody realizes is that you can die without leaving your body.
i just did.
28 Jul 2004 Felicia The Great Born In The Year of the Spanking Monkey Oh dear, dear, dear, Billy!

You are always welcome into my apartment, but don’t be surprised that you see me walking in my birthday suit. I just did 400 bits (sit ups) today and 200 more. You caught me swinging my arms and legs moving back and forth on the Elliptical stair climber. I got this Jack Lalaine video and thought it was a scream. You know the old man still eats raisin brain, then yammers away “Go to health, go to health!” I thought it was an incantation to the underworld, but I had to take the earplugs out of my ears because old lady Thatcher kept farting away downstairs and ruined my sense of concentration.

Oh, I didn’t mean to pull the top of your hair. I meant to grab you by the arms but I kept slipping off the Elliptical climber because all my perspiration was so darn slippery. I ran out of towels… used them all to line the cracks of my floor because old lady Thatcher’s smoke was seeping through.

So you wanted to do something to me. You sneaky, sneaky, boy!
Just want to let you know that Lucy has the hots for you or is it Phil.
Billy, being unisex really isn’t all that bad. But for me… I’m just a girl.

…a naughty, naughty girl.

Now put that in your book.

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