Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
20 Dec 2004 President Bobo of the SSSS agency Lucy Cortina has now been successfully revived and is in full working order. Her boobs are now stable, after going through a process of inflation and deflation. Our team of specialist doctors spent many weeks pumping out the air from her breasts. Once the air was gone they would fill up again and inflate to bursting point. Imagine the scene: Lucy Cortina topless on a hospital bed surrounded by nurses, with enormous breasts the size of 2 large beanbags. In the end we managed to force the air out by strapping her breasts against her chest very tightly with a tight black PVC bra when the air had been pumped out. We believe Lucy Cortina suffers from a breast abnormality that encourages her breasts to fill with air and then release it again, almost as if they are breathing. We have heard rumours that her breasts may actually be alive in themselves, and that her current boobs are actually a new pair of tits that have been reborn, after her previous knockers departed to The Great Boobie Heaven (where they say that boobies fly around and squish against other passing boobies, whilst men observe them).

We have also sewn on some new nipples for Lucy as the caps from the cola bottles that we used as temporary nipples shot off her boobs during a "nurse! theyre about to burst!" episode. It looked like 2 corks flying off enormous barrel shaped wine bottles. It was actually this that enabled us to force the air from her breasts once and for all.

She is still slightly confused and dazed but has been calling out for "my Billy!" quite regularly, sadly we do not know who she means. If anyone can help us, please do let us know.

We shall keep you informed of her progress and hopefully she may even give you a little visit. But don't expect too much, her breasts are still undergoing tests as they still inflate quite a lot sometimes - we think this may be a permanent 'illness' that is only found in very beautiful women.
13 Dec 2004 You Have No Friends Because You Suck A deep red is illuminated by the eerie blue glow of a light far into the absence of negative space. Falling into old habits, the dreamer is screwing the finger into the temple. Never was always so blank with deception. A Technicolor spotlight shines on the skin of the tan- line. Broken into two equally undeserving portions of one failed memory, the tears fall, staining the translucent skylight. A spiral overcomes equilibrium, stealing the show and breaking concentration. Existence is now no more than a windmill of shortcomings and shattered thought. Falling towards the open arms of no one, tearing down the walls with unbearable laughter. This time will be different. This will end the tragic tale of the unloved poet, the mislead dreamer, the thought of a life worth living.

01 Dec 2004 Piroko Hello, all. I have a deeply important question to ask.

A) Lucy, I am an A cup. My greatest hope is to be a B. Though your boobs have died in a horribly tragic manner, perhaps they were Organ and Tissue donors? That way they could do the world good for many long years after they have departed to the Great Boobie Heaven. I'd be very happy if you could contact me on your boobies donor status.

2) Hello, all.
29 Nov 2004 Garry I would like for all of you to do yourselves a favor, which requires you, on the 14th of December, 2004, (at the strike of 12AM) to walk over to the nearest unobstructed window (or go outdoors) and take a minute to stare up at the lonesome moon. This lonely, but defiant object in the far away skies symbolizes the masses, full of deep seeded wounds. Sometimes the clouds of the world block its illuminating reflection, hindering its progression into the next phase of righteous life. That moon, much like yourself, is resilient, in that, it arrives unwillingly at the darkest points of a day; but yet proudly coasts with the flow of its placement. This moon, bares resemblance, in that, it had not been asked by its predecessors to be a part of this unpredictable and demanding universe; but yet it works regardless of its personal conflicts to ensure the world knows its still alive. Sometimes a disturbing and pesturing cloud or two obstructs the desperation of the moon's arrival; but if you concentrate and glance past all the impeding superficial clouds of conflict, you may find a perspective of the moon that could, quite possibly, set your mind at bliss and widen the imagination of possibility. Look up at this resilient moon of yours and you may find a PEACE of yourself lying within the desperate, strong hearts of someone else. Whisper a breath of positive energy to a soul who may relate to your situation. Find hope within yourself and spread it to a deserving neighbor. Wake up and look out a different window.
22 Nov 2004 Brett It depends on how you want to be found. No loved ones? Then it doesn't fucking matter; just get a gun (shotgun or large calibre pistol--.38, .45, .44, 9mm, etc,)and blow your brains out. Mash the barrel closely to your temple, or better yet, stick it in your mouth, pointed up. But that's going to leave a big mess. If you have loved ones that you care about, do it in the bathtub and call 911 (if American) first. Tell them where you live and there's a suicide, so come prepared. Then hopefully it's all cleaned up before any people you care for have to see.

Or, pills. Pills and booze. This is great, especially if you're known to have a drug problem. You eat about 500 mgs. of valium, say, and drink a litre of vodka, put on some good music (joy division) and no one knows if you meant to kick off or were just overdoing a good thing.

Also, you could go with carbon monoxide. If you have a garage, perfect, but if not just rig a hose from the exhaust pipe into the car, pop some pills, drink some booze, play some tunes, sayonara.

More elaborately, you could stage it to look like you've been murdered, etc. I would say that if you really want to kill yourself, you probably should try to make it look like an accident. Maybe not if you've been horribly abused by your parents, etc., MAYBE, but this is something very important to consider. Do you want to really want to die, or do you just want people to feel bad for what they did to you? Because, sweetheart, once you draw that final breath, you're not going to be there to witness anyone's reaction.

So my final advice is this: if you want to stage some grand Shakesperaean scene for everyone to weep over and lament how poorly they treated you, then you're killing yourself for all the wrong reasons. You should back off and live it out a while, let life unfold and see what happens. It might get better. Honey, please believe me, it often does.

If you really want to die, though, then you shouldn't care to make anyone feel responsible. That's kind of lame when you think about it. They'll inhabit their own hell eventually; making it look like an accident is the most righteous thing you can do.

Please think carefully about this! I slit my wrists when I was seventeen; things still suck, but I'm happy I didn't die then. I'm not the one to tell you do or don't, only please think about your reasons, other possible outcomes, and the people you will leave behind.

I don't know for certain that I won't do myself, eventually, so I'm not some holy roller. But if you're reading this, and if you're in the dark space for real, then know I love you. I don't know Mouchette, but I grant her permission to give you my email.

It's a shit world, yes, but it really can be beautiful. I'm not preaching; do what you need to do. But go easy, brothers and sisters. Think and go easy.

Mouchette, thank you for the forum. You should come and live with me; hell, we shouuld all get together and create some other world that we can live in, together.

Peace and stars, and go easy. Please.

- Brett
05 Nov 2004 Antagonist AKA a bunch of different people Shelby!!!! You are too irresistable. Righteous asses eh? Eh?? Eh????? The only righteous ass I see around here is you, you angry beeyoch.... and maybe a couple other people.... but especially you. I hate fuckers who harp about how everyone else is judgemental, all the while being judgemental themselves. Get over yourself. You don't know everything, and you're not better than anyone.

I am wondering, why such a stigma against suicidal people who say they will commit for attention? It's like suicide is acceptable for every reason except attention. Attention seekers are still suicidal, they are still fucked in the head. They still need help. Why do you hate them?

Don't worry about anyone suing Mouchette. I bet Mouchette wants people to sue him. This would be good for two reasons. Anyone stupid enough to try to get the law involved in this would end up looking like a fucking idiot. Plus it would possibly give Mouchette a lot of attention which Mouchette just loooooooves. Obviously Mouchette wouldn't lose, so who cares.
04 Nov 2004 Shelby Lol, i love all the self righteous asses who are posting and are in the "cruel joke" and "blame me" section.
suicide isn't a joke. not at all. report you to the authorities, pfft, please. unless someone has actually tried to commit suicide they have no fucking clue about it.

and for those of you who keep throwing the "attention whore" thing out, it's stupid, lol. reaching out for help isn't being an attention whore. what is is when you start talking about something you have no clue about and threaten people with hollow threats and stupid accusations. you people are attention whores.

and granted, some people do just claim to want to kill themselves for attention, but whatever, you never know when someone is serious.

so, for all of you attention whores who think you're better than everybody else because you think you can handle your own problems, get over yourselves. most of the kids who want to commit suicide have serious trauma and things beyond your fucking imagination. you have no clue how their life is and how they deal with pain. so keep all your unfounded comments to your damn selves and take a good look at yourself. you're willing to judge everyone else, but it's funny how your own insecurities have you being a dumb ass.
congratulations, you're a moron.

mouchette kicks ass, by the way and if anyone sues her i'm gonna lay a beat down on you. I <3 you, mouchette!!!
31 Oct 2004 Phil Hey weirdass, your posts are hilarious, keep them coming. And dont worry over Felicia, like me she uses anything for cheap self-promotion. Perhaps next you may even see her kissing Britney Spears.

As for the endless idiots who post here wanting to report this site to the authoririties...WHAT PLANET DO YOU LIVE ON? Perhaps you should report websites showing pedophiles abusing children to the authorities, or better yet perhaps you should report the authorities treatment of dying people in third world countries to the authorities? If you dont yet understand or 'get' this website, perhaps you should take my advice and let it all wash over you (in the manner of the infamous shower scene in Lesbo College Girls 2). Observe it all and make sense of it all. The people here are all real and are expressing themselves in many weird and wacky, sometimes creative ways.
I, however, still dont really understand any of it. Ooh Im going to be in the shower for a very long time.
27 Oct 2004 Felicia's Last F... Dear One Mad Weird Ass Mother F'er,
(I'll call you W.A.M.F. for short)

I can understand your reasoning for being so p.o'd looking at this website. You'd like to ask these people "Would like like some cheese with that whine?" or "Kill yourself and get it over with, you stupid mother f'er!)

W.A.M.F? Did you know that your opinions really do matter? That's why you are posted in this site. I can understand your arguements about people who incessantly want to do away with themselves and end it all. You get so sick and tired of hearing the same old crap all the time. So that is why SOCIETY has psychiatrists who hear the same freakin thing everyday and get freakin paid for it.

Dude? If you want to make an arguement of a wrong by making a right, why don't you make a statement to the world press and let everybody know about birth control? Maybe you can prevent the future generation from thinking and wishing that they were never born. You know, being one step ahead.... being ahead of the crowd.... being smarter and setting yourself up for world domination.

If you can do that you are in for a big surprise. You know, you just saved the whole world from killing themselves.

Now, W.A.M.F., if I do not make sense and you tell me to shut the "f" up.

But listen to me, you can make a difference. From all your anger and outrage in posting your arguement of how stupid some people are, you are probably right.

This should be your quote W.A.M.F. on birth control:

"If you save a Fuck from fucking in time, you'll save 9."
25 Oct 2004 One Weird Ass Mother Fucker I must know, why do suicidal people ask the dumbest questions, and say the dumbest things imaginable? Is it just Mouchette's site? Mouchette, why are your visitors so stupid?

Why do suicidal people so often ask what dosage they need to take? TAKE LOTS, YOU FUCKING MORON!!!!!!

And why would someone come on here and say, now that I'm the grand old age of 19, I know what LYFE is all about??? Too bad you can't even spell it, you dumb fuck!!!!

And why the fuck would someone come on here and say, "well i am 17 and not too sure if i am depressed or not at current state i have tried to commit suicide twice" Hmmmm, so you've tried to kill yourself twice and you're not sure if you're depressed eh? You are a fucking GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And why the fuck do people bitch at suicidal people to "think about all the people you will hurt"???? That is the dumbest argument against suicide there is!!! It's just so..... wrong!! I can't believe that people are so stupid to make such a statement. Where does one begin to attack these losers?? The argument is just so infuriating, and has so many problems, how do you begin slamming those dumb fucks? Here's how I'd start..... FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! So you think it's selfish of suicidal people to kill themselves eh??? It is so much more selfish in a terrible terrible way to want to keep a tortured suicidal person alive for YOUR OWN SELFISH PURPOSES!!! How dare you tell a suicidal person that they're selfish when YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WANTS TO PROLONG THEIR MISERY JUST SO YOU WON'T HAVE TO FEEL A FRACTION OF THEIR PAIN IF THERE IS A SUICIDE!!! YOU STUPID FUCK!!!! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DESERVES TO DIE YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!!! FUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And last but not least..... Mouchette, the dumbest fuck of them all. How dare you censor my last entry. You God damn goat fucking bastard. That was too cocky of you and now you are going to pay. I know very well that my writings are works of art, so I'm not going to give you the gift of my art any more. Consider yourself cut off as of the end of this entry (because I know you're going to get your jollies just from reading this shit you demented freak! I know this excites you, and this is art to you, fuckhead!). Your cockiness has ruined it for you. Maybe I'll give you access to my genius brain once again if you send me one of those fuckin emails you always send to people who don't want them. If you include an apology in the email then maybe I'll write some more genius stuff for you. And don't give me the apology in some fucked up code language or some shit like that. I don't give a fuck about that crap! Just write "I am sorry" and you get my crazy ass writings again. If not, then I'll find some other warped fucked up loser on the net and post my shit there for some self loathing retard who at least appreciates my twisted genius. Oh yeah, I know damn well you're obviously not going to apologize. You'll probably come up with some fucked thing to do that I don't even give a shit about. STOP IT YOU BASTARD!!!! Just say you're sorry and all is forgiven. But I know that will never happen..... SO YOU LOSE!!!!!!
24 Oct 2004 One Weird Ass Mother Fucker The best way to kill yourself is the most painful way, and I happen to know one of the most painful ways around.

One time I xxxxxx xxx my xxxx for 8 hours straight without xxxxxxx. Do you know what xxxx xxxxx are? They feel like someone has injected your xxxxx with pure pain! I couldn't xxxx or anything because just the xxxxxxxx of my xxxxx against my xxx when I xxxxxx felt like I was getting hit in the xxxxx with a baseball bat. So a warning to you all, if you xxxx xxx all day and all night, make sure you at least take a xxxxx in between or something.

Anyway, if you want to die, just keep xxxxxxx xxx your xxxxx for two days or something until your xxxxx become so xxxx that they xxxxxx. Do this if you want to die the best death there is.

Luckily for me, I never have the pain problem anymore because I just xxxxx my xxxxxx xx my xxxxxxx and massage it for a bit, and this relieves the pain.

There!!! Was that good enough for you oh holy mouchette!?!? You didn't post my last entry you fucking piece of shit!!!!! Mouchette won't post what you write unless it somehow brings attention to him. He'll probably even put this post in his favourite section, just because I mentioned his name. You're a fucking prick, mouchette. I'll punch you in the face!!!
24 Oct 2004 Felicia on The best way to kill yourself is to watch 24-hour marathons of reality television, while eating a giant tub of buttered popcorn. Then you swig it down with cola. Later, you compare yourself with Paris Hilton, whose filthy rich, beautiful, and very, very untalented. You then figure you have more talent than she does and hit straight to the top of Hollywood and find that you are a reality television star. Then you hang out with all your friends who love to freebase on taboo herbal remedies. The next thing you know, you're flying free and enjoying a life of debauchery but fail to recognize that the surface beneath you is hard cold pavement.

In other words, stop watching so much nonsense “fad” reality television and educate your mind with books.

“A mind is a terrible thing to waste.”
19 Oct 2004 President Bobo of the SSSS agency I would like to inform you all that the process of reviving Lucy Cortina has begun. We were unable to locate her nipples, so decided to use the caps from 2 Cola bottles. However, we have encountered a bizarre problem. Her breasts were filled with air once again, but then proceeded to inflate and deflate - up and down. Sometimes they inflate so much that we fear they may burst. We believe her breasts may have encountered a timewarp and are re-living the many stages that Lucy went though in her previous life. So, provided her breasts never actually burst, we should be safe. If anyone is aware of the full details of Lucy's Expansion Years, please let us know.

As always, we will keep you informed of the results. And thank you again Mouchette, we shall deliver Lucy to your offices in Amsterdam once she is in full working order.
19 Oct 2004 lazarusdmx I realize children are oh so smart these days, but how in the world could anyone actually believe that a 13 year old french speaking girl in amsterdam created this pastiche of post-modern garbage-shit? more likely some disaffected european fine arts student that has come to the terrible and inevitable realization that they occupy a meaningless and passe niche in the world, and, while trying to fufill the internet art requirement of their 7th year of schools final, is attempting a feat of online angst through garish and clashing backgrounds. or maybe it's an alien in the body of a french girl. or maybe it's a thirteen year old with a death wish. CLIFF YABLONSKI HATES HER, WHATEVER SHE IS, SO SHE BETTER NOT SHOW UP IN APPLETON CITY.
19 Oct 2004 Yami No idea. But when you manage it, be sure to tell us all how you did it.
18 Oct 2004 noone Suicide isn't so bad, give it a chance.

Thinking about suicide but you're not sure if it's the right thing to do? Here are some tips to help you decide whether or not killing yourself is a good choice:

1. Do you live at home but your parents are always making you clean your room and do your homework? It's a sure sign that they don't love you and that they want you to kill yourself. Why else would they make you clean your room? What are they going to do next, ground you? Make you wear braces? Don't kid yourself, the message is clear.

2. If you just got out of a bad relationship and you feel like things are never going to get better; you're right. Everyone knows that suicide is the only option, stop procrastinating. Look on the bright side, at least your ex will feel guilty for a couple of minutes--but don't count on it.

3. Depressed? Don't have any friends? I guess nobody told you, but being depressed and feeling lonely isn't normal. Everyone else is happy, and has lots of friends so there must be something wrong with you. Put the prozac away, what you need is rat poison.

4. Spill a drink at a party? Drop a plate of food in a restaurant? Nobody else has to live with that kind of embarrassment; you know what you have to do.

5. Flunked out of college? Don't know algebra? Here's a question you should know the answer to: Flunked out of college + Don't know algebra = Time for _____. Chances are you still don't know the answer, so here's a hint: it starts with an 's' and ends in 'uicide'.

6. Traffic jam? Sometimes bad luck isn't a coincidence. Do you really want to sit in traffic for another half hour? Look on the bright side, if you're a viking you'll be going to Valhalla. Then again, you're probably not, but eternal damnation in hell is probably the next best thing.

7. Telemarketers keep calling? It's easier to hang yourself than to get rid of a telemarketer, am I wrong? If you're lucky, Home Depot might be having a sale on rope. After all, you don't want to die letting people think you weren't frugal.

8. Flu? You realize that there's no cure for the flu, right? Well, no cure that doesn't involve painting the wall with your brains.

9. Flat tire? Do I have to spell it out for you?

10. College application get rejected? Take the hint.

Hope you found this guide helpful, mention it in your suicide note. On second thought, why bother? Nobody will read it.
18 Oct 2004 sleepless in ltown You know... i went out in search of a way to kill myself tonight and i'm glad I found this site. Am i still sucidal... yeah... but i'm still breathing right now. What really struck me in this site was not all the endless preachy 'don't do it... you have so much to live for... light at the end of the tunnel' shit... what really struck me was the rest of it. I find the only people that can really talk about depression are people who are truly depressed themselves. Even people who 'used' to be should shut up... i heard somewhere that the brain cannot remember physical pain... sure.. you remember it was unpleasant and you can recall a fraction of what it was like but u'll never be able to remember how the pain actually felt. I think it's the same with depression... people who have somehow gotten out of it can remember it was shitty... but they can't really 'feel' it again without becoming depressed and suicidal again. The only postings that mean anything are the people who feel like they want to die... truly want to die.. .not seeking attention. I am one of those people... but i'm a wuss. If there was a 100 percent sure and painless way to kill myself sitting here right now i'd do it. Thats what i came here looking for... but after reading through the endless postings on here... and killing a defensless fly... i'm not going to kill myself right now... maybe tomorow... I look forward to reading more posts... that's what you have to do i guess... find something u want to do tomorow night and just breathe till then.
14 Oct 2004 ? I am 12
i tried to fucking kill myself with my samurai katana my parents got to decorate my room with. when we bought it it was sharp and i thought that it was still sharp. so i hung it from my ceiling in a way so that when i cut a string and i was laying down it would behead me. i cut the string and life slowed down, i realized that i didnt want to die. the next thing i knew i felt a thud against the lower part of my head and everything went black. i woke up in in what im guessing was a few hours later
i thought wow being dead is a lot like being alive but i then realized that i was alive and my katana was dull. luckily my parents were out so they never found out about it
03 Oct 2004 Temple Je vais te donner ma recette personnelle, même si elle a échouée pour moi, elle est vraiment belle et amusante à expérimenter. Une aprés midi, il faisait beau, j'étais dans la maison de mes parents, il y avait juste mon frère avec moi j'avais à peu près 14 ans. J'ai regardé par la fenêtre, je me suis aperçue que le vent soufflait dehors, c'était triste et beau, alors j'ai voulu faire une chose triste et drôle : je suis allée chercher la boite du petit chimiste que j'avais eue pour Noël. J'ai commencé à mélanger les produits aux noms les plus impressionnants dans un tube à essai bien propre. Ensuite, je suis déscendue dans la cuisine, le tube à la main. J'ai regardé par la fenêtre, le soleil brillait, les arbres commençaient à perdre leur feuilles, le vent soufflait et j'ai vu mon chat marcher tranquillement sur la terrasse. Alors, j'ai pleuré doucement et j'ai avalé très vite le contenu du tube. J'ai mangé une banane pour que les produits restent dans mon corps et me tuent. Malheureusement, j'ai très vité été prise de vomissements, et alors que j'avais ma tête au dessus des toilettes, mon frère est arrivé effrayé et m'a demendé ce qui m'arrivait. J'avais des larmes sur les joues et je lui ai répondu en riant que je n'arrivait pas à me tuer.
22 Sep 2004 Phil Pah...we need to restore pride to the suicide room, this is getting ridiculous now. Let's all sit down in big comfy chairs, with Mouchette as the leader, handing out cups of hot chocolate, and gossiping about our preffered suicide methods. Let's all get fat and wobbly together! *group hug*

Therapy over.

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