Date	Name/email Nom/email	What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13? Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
08 May 2003	jesse	i am 25 and since the age of 15 (i think) i have been contemplating suicide, almost each conscious moment when i was alone with myself. my reason is not unlike many here. mental retard, slow, introvert, ultra sensitive, humorless, no close friends, unbearably domineering father, depressed and desolate mother... my reasons for ending life were endless... for in my head it seemed that if i were to come out of the mess, anybody in the world can do anything they want. i slashed my wrists once, wasn't deep enough, my brother saw me and stopped me for the time being with some admonisions and kind words (my brothers are one reason i want to live, and another is to see my mother happy) i was lucky that i got people who love me deeply too. But the pain inside my head was unbearable. i turned to god. flipped a coin, and it said run away... i did.. came back... things became better... i went to college... slowly i came to realise how much vulnerable life is... i opened up my windows and saw everyone was just like me.. .afraid.. ashamed of something or the other... even the ones i had thought to be full of life and all so cool... a girl in my class comitted suicide... unable to bear the humilation of being a failure in 2nd year... what a poor waste i thought at the time... anyway everybody is going to die in the end so why the big hurry to do it now?...and then i realise that my wish to die has been tampered... that i want to live as long as possible... believe me when i say no one is really happy in their life all the time... some are mean and make others unhappy too... but then there are others who make it worth too... believe me when i say that god is within us... and there is one whole god who loves us as we are... create ur own happiness. my recommendation for the perfect suicide is to let death knock at ur door first, coz anyway it is going to come one day. rest watever we think is in our heads and like neo in the matrix movie u can also come out of ur personal hell.
28 Apr 2003	Michael	Hello, My name is Michael. I'm 29 years old and have contemplated suicide many times. I actually tried committing suicide close to a dozen times. My reasons are all in vain and I just cannot get out of slumps at times. I have a wonderful family and a g/f that adores me. She has meant the world for me for some time, but I decided to end our relationship a short while ago due to my selfishness. I feel like she may not be the one for me and she is wasting her time. She has given me so much to live for, but in the back of my mind I am not happy and want to depart from this world. I figure if I break up with her, then hurting her will not be so bad. My family will be devastated and I do not know what else to do. I was in a psychiatric hospital this past June for about 8 or 9 days. It was eye opening. I mean, I see people who are really mentally ill. I am your average guy. I think most people would never think I have the problems that I do. Of course, you cannot read someone's mind, but I think, most people see someone who seems unstable and can gather a clue. Anyway, I have just tied a noose around my pull up machine and have been looking at it for the past few hours. I have tried popping pills and carbon Monoxide, but it never worked. I honestly want a peaceful death. I am hoping little pain is involved and it will be like going to sleep. I feel terrible for my family and friends, but I am sooo unhappy with my job, my looks and other things I pay way too much attention to. I went to college and work at a job that I just cannot stand. It's hard to leave when you are making good money. Everyone tells me how attractive I am and I just do not see it. I have been thinking I've been going bald since about 8th grade. I still have full head of hair, but I start just really looking. Looking too much and it drives me nuts. I'm so vain. It's horrible. I'm very sad and wish life was just so much easier for me. That's the strange part. It's not a bad life, but I keep paying attention to detail instead of looking at the whole picture. I just wish these thoughts and pain would go away. I have taken medication but I do not like the feeling it gives me. i feel like a vegetable. That is not me. So I'm not taking that crap. For any kids that are 13 years old.... death is not the answer. You have so much to look forward to. Do well in school and the world is yours. I know growing up in a dysfunctional family makes things so much harder, belive me... I know. But when you get through the forest it opens up into a vast ocean. It's seemless and never ends. Find help within your friends if you feel uncomfortable discussing it with your family. I know that age is awkward, but stay focused and do what you need to to survive. Life can be an amazing thing if you play your cards right. Peace, love and happiness... Hopefully I will not see you any time soon! -Mike
24 Apr 2003	unimportant	Since I could comprehend death and suicide I have wanted to die, perhaps because what follows can only be better than what is for me. I have since I was about 8 or 9 had an illness which doctors have not been able to determine, add to this the fact I have premature grey hair at 8-9 years old. I'm now 17, virtually top of the class of any college course I do, I get a job after the first day trial and people who know me like me. But every year the pain gets that much worse and the cure that further away. The illness means I am in constant pain but at a low level, to you it would feel like indigestion all the time, but at least once a week I'll be in so much pain i'll black out for a few minutes and i'll be in that pain for hours. The symptoms are a high fever terrible stomach pains, migraine, high nausea and a variety of smaller problems. But of all my desire to die I have never even tried. I hear the cries for help of other people on this site and their problems seem like a dream compared to the hell that life is for me. I would be happier even if I just knew the name of my illness but of all the tests, check-ups and inspections all they can give me are some pain killers that don't work, some jokes that don't make me laugh and some time to cry in silence. Don't pity me i'm already dead.
22 Apr 2003	meg	arite listen, im only 12 and already attempted suicide multiple times. I slit my wrists horrbily at least 5 times, and over dosed about 10. The only real over dose ive ever had happened not long ago... i took a whole bottle of advil, people i didnt even know cried as well as my very best friends who nearly blamed themselves to death. an entire 360 pills i swallowed, its a wonder i lived. Doctors say that i had 15% chance of living but somehow i pulled thru. Listen if you're thinking about suicide think about this if you have friends what would they do? would they kill themsleves too? be miserable for the rest of their lives? and if you dont have friends, think about the future when your finally free of school, parents, people u hate. you can finally go out there and find people like you and do whatever you wanna do for the rest of your life. When you're older you'll be around new people they wont know your lonely past, a fresh start over.... just think about it
18 Apr 2003	Monster Mash	Well fuck Me ! What a site ! Truth, most do not want to kill themselves, just want to threaten others and even themself, some go thru with it and Id say its usually an oops when they accomplish it ! Keep expressing yerself, get louder about it, tell people even though they do not want to hear it, fuckem, tell'em anyway ! Thats yelling fer help, I did it, when I was 13, Im now 37, so I guess it some how worked, hang on to yer ass, learn shit, killing yerself shit may never leave your mind but the seriousness of the thought will, your mind is a fucked up place to live, its where all evil begins ! Point is loosen up on how serious you take your own thoughts, keep talking to people, write the shit down, read some info on it, dig thru web sites, go to the book store, you may actuslly find a bit of humor in it all, you may find your a bit more powerful than your comittee up stairs (yer mind and the shit you think ) believe it or not most people have sick weird shit in there head as you might, some know how to ignore and deal with it, some have done shit in there child hood that burns in there mind and feel condemd to there mind, and listen/believe how they are screwed and there is know one one to discuss this with and they are simply fucked, doomed, well these like myself are the ones that need to work abit at it and really its not work at all, its simply learning or discovering, opening that fucking contraption up for possibly finding some info that could make some sense out of what it is I have been through or going through and why I feel like I want to die ! What the hell do you got to loose other than possibly yer damn life. Thats what I did, and Im still here, life certainly has its very sucky moments and at times I wonder what the hell ! However I get thru it, I learn things to do to get thru it, sometimes I just sleep, may even get drunk or rent a movie, I do keep reading up on stuff that makes sense to me, that gives me help an upper edge on this commitee in my mind, fuck them Im in charge, not them ! Sounds nuts but hey do some reading and you may find its no so unusual!
11 Apr 2003	Penny	'Today is the greatest day i've ever known' Good old Smashing Pumpkins huh? That song used to make me smile, just that one line. But now, it just makes me want to cry. Infact, i skip to number 6 'Disarm' and then i cry some more. It`s like everything i feel all in one song, one pre packaged ball of emotion. It pulls everything to the surface of me, i've never felt so low. Everything is so black and empty inside me, it feels just like someone has ripped out my heart and everything i used to be. And do you know what, i don't even know why. There's no big event that`s scared me for life, i don't hate myself. I'm just tired now.
10 Apr 2003	John Bonham	I can understand the thought of ending this life of mine, certainly thought of it a few times, life's a bitch sometimes and those sometimes when you're in it seems eternal. I feel as though I'm doomed, like I have a curse on me or I did some bad shit in a past life and I'm paying for it in this one. The pain, frustration and helplessness I feel, undescribable. I must say I thank God for alcohol, don't always work but usually it does, or some exercise, bike ride, whatever, I try to change my mind set, one thing that helped is I typed in depression on my search engine and started reading all kinds of shit on depressive thinking, it's amazing how much my own mind plays a role in this drama and the funny thing is once I started to understand this, it was a lot easier. I still get down, suicide has flewn through my mind on occasions, much less serious than in my past, when I get really down to the point of no way I'm reading or doing any exercise I will get hammered, drunk, better than that fucking nightmare feeling of being in some eternal fucking pit, shit pit I should say and the next day I'm usually fine then I proceed to work out and do some reading or watch some good comedy shit, comedy with some cocktails will almost surely give a good temp solution on a bummer life feeling for me ! One last thing, I remember back many years ago when I was a lot younger, I had a rifle to my head loaded, cocked and ready to go, I had it right at my head with my finger on the trigger all I had to do was pull the trigger and this thought came over me, what if I did this and ended up in a after-life scenario, it was exactly like it is now only a hundred times worse, and if I shot myself in that life it sends me to another hundred times worse, hmmmmm, thought who knows, I have no clue what happens when we are dead here, do you, does anyone, no, no one does, I do not give a rat's ass what any religon or any psychic says, no one has came back with a description of the after life, if there is one, so I figured why take a chance, I think I'll just hang out and see what happens, I think this thought of maybe this could be the worst thing to do, it could be even worse after I exit here, hmmmmm, could end up like a real bad acid trip, seems how I liked the good ones I'll see how I can make this life a good one. I still find it hard at times to make the best of things but I'm always opened for new info, one thing that helped me be open to learning new ways was being sober for 5 plus years, I'm no longer sober by choice, I try to do what I can to get by, I'm starting to investigate people who seem to succeed in life, find their secrets cause I want money, hahahaha ! Anyway just thought I'd throw my 2 cents in, I really hope no one pulls the trigger, you may have a purpose here and you may not, just remember it could be worse on the other side, who knows ?
09 Apr 2003	Carly	I attempted suicide and i'm only 13. I took an overdose od tylenol because I thought I didn't want to live anymore. I know that my life probably isn't as bad as some of yours but it sure is a lot for a 13 year old girl to handle. Things started to get bad for me since I entered seventh grade. I had boy troubles and the whole nine yards. Because of that I, mentally as a person, changed. I didn't like the way I was acting to my friends and everyone around me. I have a family that cares about me although some of you might not. When I was in the ambulance on my way to the hospital, I realize what a let down this would be for my friends and family. Some of you might not have a family who cares about you as much as I do, or they might you just think they don't. Still, that's no reason to kill yourself. God gave you a life of happiness, and even though you don't see that you will sooner or later in life. Every one was put on this earth to make a difference. Whether or not it's to have children or grandchildren who find a way to make world peace, you were still put here to make something of you selves and do it right. Don't abuse your life because you were in a bad place at a bad time. Get past that and move on. Believe me it's hard but you can do it! I STILL, to this day, think about killing myself but i know that things will get better for me and i can be the doctor I always wanted to be. Just please, take it from me, killing yourself is NOT the answer!!!!
06 Apr 2003	kay	its weird, im 20 years old, and lately ive been feeling down about my life. im a sociology major at my school but i think i want to change my major... but it led me to thinking, god i want to just get the hell out of my school. i just want to get the hell out of this country and go to some island with palm trees and set up a little grocery store and a little house by the beach and be happy forever after. sounds crazy? then i started thinking, god i hate my personality, i hate the fact that i have this fear of speaking in my classes, and in front of new people. i hate the way i have this fear constantly running my life, it has built me into this person i dont want to be. i want to be this, i want to be that, blah blah. all my life, since i was in junior high school, i remember being in this endless depression cycle. i remember getting these migraines from all the stress i was putting on myself by not facing my fears. i hated the way i looked, i hated everything about myself, i hardly had friends. so i changed. in high school it got a little better, i started forcing myself to do things that i would normally be afraid to do, like talk to someone who would intimidate me. i mean, but the change was sLOOOOW, but i see myself now as im writing this and i see a totally different person, maybe not the person i want to be but one who would be crushed if i was the same as how i was in junior high. but i remember there was a point in time where i would wake up and take the subway to school, and every morning i would feel like (even though it sounds mad corny) rejuvenated. like, damn its so beautiful outside, and im so fucking glad to be alive and be here, i can do anything i fucking want to because i have total control over my life and only i have total control over my own happiness. not anybody else. not my parents, nothing. as i write this, i feel like, damn i wish i had those feelings running through my veins again instead of this dead feeling. i feel like im stuck, and i feel ashamed to think of suicide because it seems like a self pity tactic. but you guys, you guys have your whole lives ahead of you. you're too young at age 13 to think of dumb things like this. yea, sometimes you're gonna feel like nobody gives a shit about you or that you wanna just get the fuck out of whatever situation you're in, or that you want to make people feel responsible for your unhappiness.... but your feelings are all a part of your perspective. each and everyone of you have the ability to be insanely happy and live the life that you want to live. only you have this control, fuck everyone else, live your life and dont give someone else the satisfaction of seeing you down. its weird seeing me write this. my boyfriend had a pep talk with me about this stuff last night cause i felt like i was going crazy. but sometimes being happy seems so far away from my grasp, and he says that its really all mental. im going to try to change.
05 Apr 2003	pills blow	not pills.. pills is the WORST way to kill yourself.. well i can't say the worst cause i haven't had experience in every other type of suicide. but if your overdose.. and "nothing happens" then that not overdose.. if you start puking.. then you know it's working. people don't seem to realize how pills kill you. you don't just fall asleep and not wake up.. you basically trip out in your head. like music and stuff just is too intense. fall asleep.. and wake up hurling fuckin shit everywhere man, u don't wanna puke your guts up for hours and hours. I've been reading through and so many people are asking how can they kill themselves with pills.. so unless you're willing to puke for 7 hours straight ( that was 7 hours straight when the hospital was making me better so if i hadn't have been in hospital most, it likely would have been longer). don't overdose.. if you don't mind the violent throwing up, go for it, it's definitly the best way man. i'ts slow... very slow.. not painful.. just sickening.
30 Mar 2003	pedro	i hate my existence, because i always hurt everyone who love me most. especially a girl called teresa who came to my life 3 years and a half ago, and she was the best opportunity i had in my life, and i hurt her really bad in her feelings, and now everything is lost. now i really hate my own being because i can't offer love to anyone. i tried suicide 3 times "fell off from a second floor, under a big dose of katamin and many sleeping pills , and a gram of heroin". unfortunately i always escaped myself from death.. i often cut myself to prove me that i can do it ..... next time i decided to put a rope around under a large dose of "serenal" to give me the guts i need to do it. it is an horror to live with the idea that you throw to the garbage the best chances of your life ... good bye teresa
28 Mar 2003	SHELLI	TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE EVEN GIVEN IT A THOUGHT, STOP, TAKE A STEP BACK AND LOOK AROUND, EVERYTHING MAY SEEM UNBEARABLE BUT IT WILL GET BETTER TRUST ME. I THOUGHT A BOTTLE OF PRESCRIPTION PILLS WOULD DO, BUT NO IT DIDN'T, AND I AM GLAD IT DIDN'T, BECAUSE I REALIZE NOW WHAT I WOULD HAVE MISSED OUT ON. I HAVE THREE YOUNGER SIBLINGS AND THERE A REMINDER EVERYDAY WHY I'M GLAD THOSE PILLS DIDN'T TAKE MY LIFE. I WAS 17 AT THE TIME I TRIED, I'M NOW 22, DO I STILL THINK ABOUT IT HELL YEAH, BUT WOULD I EVER, HELL NO, WHY BECAUSE I THINK ABOUT HOW IT WOULD HURT MY LITTLE SISTER IF I WERE GONE. JUST TRY AND FIND THAT ONE THING THAT YOU ARE HAPPY ABOUT, DRAWING, SPORTS, FAMILY, A FRIEND, AND WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CAN'T GO ON ANY LONGER, GO TO THAT ONE THING YOU DO CARE ABOUT AND YOU'LL BE GLAD YOU DID. I DO THIS ONCE A DAY, BUT ALL I NEED TO DO IS PICK UP MY SKETCH BOOK AND DRAW, OR HAVE A TALK WITH MY YOUNGER SISTER, AND I KNOW I'M ON MY WAY TO BEING OKAY.
26 Mar 2003	Tina	Yeah. The best way to kill yourself is probably overdosing. Fuck that pain shit. If you're going to go out, at least make it peaceful. My boyfriend died a month ago of an accidental drug overdose. He died at my house, in my bed, and I was asleep right next to him when he died. It was pretty fucked up. I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do, I might try and go out like some Romeo and Juliet type of shit. I thought about laying on the rail road tracks, but I don't want to be all mutilated. I'll probably eat about 10 Oxycotins and peace this world goodbye. I don't know what will happen to me when I die, I'm hoping that I'll just be asleep and awaiting ressurection. If Joey is going into Heaven alone, then so am I. I love him and I can't live without him, and I can't live with the memory of what I saw. Good luck to all of you. My death day will be April 20, 2003. It might be on the news. Look out for a 16 year old girl who died in Berlin, New Jersey. Okay? Peace.
09 Mar 2003	une vierge non suicidée	mouchette, je n'ai pas trouvé la meilleure forme de suicide, mais déja je t'en donne une qui ne marche pas: prendre environ 30 cachets d'aspirine. c'est trop de la merde ca, j'ai essayé, ça m'a rien fait, c'est dégueulasse, j'ai fini à l'hosto en réanimation, et, un an après, j'ai toujours pas trouvé d'autre solution. J'ai aussi essayé de m'ouvrir les veines, ça pue la merde, mes ciseaux coupaient pas, et en plus, ca fait trop mal. Si ça peut t'aider tout ça...
19 Feb 2003	suicide note XXX	If I could go back in time, and visit myself, do you know what I would say to my younger self? I would say, "KILL YOURSELF! LIFE IS NOT WORTH CONTINUING!" My biggest regret in life is allowing it to continue for so long. I'm not going to let it go on anymore, i am going to stop this pointless existance RIGHT NOW. i tried to be a good person. i tried to be me, but i dont know who i am, i'm scarred of what i am. Anyway, i wanna thank all the people that know me on the net for being my friends these past few months and i really appreciate it. I hope you all find peace soon (whether you live or die). Mouchette, i hope you never close this site cause its a good thing no matter what anybody says, your site helped me a lot. All i can say to you kids (or anyone) who are thinking about killing themselves is to wait a few months, you never know, things might get better for you. If it doesnt get better, and it comes to the point where everybody hates you, you havent got any friends, you only go out at night so normal people dont see you, and you're going through mental torture everyday, and you've forgotten who the fuck you are, THEN do it. thats the stage i'm at you see, i have tried. Anyway, i am aware that i'm going to hurt my family a hell of a lot by doing this, nobody could possibly understand how sorry i am. But i'm too far gone, i have only two options: 1) end this pointless life 2) live an unhappy life isolated from the world going through mental torture everyday and past memories haunting me for the rest of my fuckin life, to save my family the hurt of losing me. TOUGH choice! but i'm going for number 1. In the past suicide attempts i have done, i have told my family or someone i know, that i was going to kill myself (the reason i did this was so that i could say goodbye!) and i either got caught or was stopped from doing it. But this time, i am not going to make the same mistake, i am going to do it without giving any indication that i'm going to do it (apart from this suicide note, but no one that knows me in the real world knows this suicide is from me). Anyway, its time to do it, i have 90 10mg valium and a bottle of vodka, i've finished crushing half of the tablets and i have put them in the bottle, i will swallow the rest (i fuckin hate sallowing pills). I sincerely hope you all the best in whatever you choose to do. And to all of you that think no one cares or loves you, YOU@RE wrong, i care, i love you, i feel for you, i know you're pain. Believe me i do. I am going to go now, i have put my favourite tunes on, i have my cigs right next to me, and i have a spliff which i will smoke after i've drunk and swallowed everything. See ya..... Lots of Love Kim XXXXX :)
31 Dec 2002	Liza	I really don't know what to say on the subject, either way. I've tried to kill myself before, but was stopped by so many things. One of my friends is just like me, depressed, lives in a fucking hell hole, and hangs on to life by a thread. And I only saw that when I realized how close I was to killing myself. Because that thread was me. She told me once, and I didn't believe her, how she would become a damn whore, selling herself out if I were to die. But I get that now. And she's not the only one that depends on me. My girlfriend ( what, you have a problem with me being bi? )... she used to have problems like that. And I know that if I killed myself, she'd flip out. Start hurting herself again. She might even kill herself. And I would feel like such a damn fucking asshole if she did that. Because I care about her so much, and... and... I wouldn't be able to stand the thought of her dead. But telling someone that they're being stupid for wanting to die... that's not helping. Pointing out all the people that would miss you doesn't help much either. My parents have a problem with me being who I am. A girl who loves another girl. They've banned me from going over to anyones house, from seeing anyone outside of school, and they've tried to ban me from talking to 'her'. And they fight. God, I'm sure some of you know, a lot of you know how this feels, but to those who can't understand why anyone would want to die... have you ever come home to a place where your parents are always screaming at each other? Where you can't tell what's going to happen the next day? And you can't even leave that awful place, because your parents want to punish you for being who you are? It hurts, damnit. It hurts a lot. And no one understands... they all tell me to stop, to quit hurting myself, not to kill myself, that so many people would miss me. Well, to a point, fuck them. It's not fair. Your life shouldn't be hell.
17 Dec 2002	Annette	Well what do u know...toda is my bday. Why did i need to make it. I took 43 fucking pills(excuse my french)!!!!!My G-d?!! What the hell is it gonna take to kill me! its like the more i take th less serious the results are. All i did was throw up 3 times. It was sooo annoying. o yea my heart starting beating fast too thats it. lol it was pretty funny though cause i told everyone it was from eating "bad cheese" HAH. yea well anyways now im def scrwed cause i haveo more pills left. i took all the ones ossible from my numerous occasions of when i OD'ed. Ye wel if you guys hae any ideas imdeinately up for thm. I cant live anymore this life isnt for me. My friends and jus everyone around me but especially "certain" freind (s) of mine make me wanna do it. The most recent weh ni did it yesterday was becuase of a "friend". i udnno if thats the proper termfor her but whaever. ok i have togo now bye bye. Ill try again wiht something else next weekend. byee
10 Dec 2002	Ti-bulls	Je c pa je ne l'ai pas encore trouver ms je peux vs dire de ne pas tester l'alcool a bruler a la place de l'eau ca ne marche pa !!!! J'en suis la preuve vivante !!!!
28 Nov 2002	Mary Jonstone	On coming across this site I felt that I wanted to share my story with you. I have written it out in detail and only a small bit (the beginning) I have put on the site for space reasons. Want more, reply by e-mail I was 14 at the time. A horrific incident to say the least. In our smashed vehicle beside me lay my badly disfigured uncle. I had been riding in the front seat in the middle and to my left was my brother. He was gasping for breath and spitting blood at the same time. Myself, I don't know how but I was unharmed but for some blood coming from a gash on my forehead. Blood was everywhere and lots on me. Later on after all the injuries had been accounted for, little of it was mine. The frightful thing for me as I sat between two of my dearest friends was that only moments before I had been thinking of death. It was an ongoing theme for me. As a challenged teenager the thought of killing myself came to mind frequently. Now death it seemed was on my doorstep although not in the way that I had imagined. When will the rescue people come? Time was standing still and stretching out forever, complete shock and disbelief had numbed me. I felt so helpless and responsible at the same time. What about my uncle and brother? Some one help us, Please.
27 Nov 2002	Jenna	This really doesn't have anything to do with answering the question at hand, but I have to say this anyway. I am really sick of everyone saying that "you should just talk to someone" or "you would feel so much better if you talk to someone"! And I don't just mean on here, I mean every site i've visited on depression or suicide says the same thing. I have tried to talk to friends about it, i've even attempted suicide before, but my so called "best friend" and her cousin caught me. And guess what she said after, "you just did it to get attention." Ya that's it! And I gave your cousin a bloody nose for pulling me off the train tracks for attention too. I can't even talk about the incident with her because she makes me feel stupid about it. I've tried to talk to other people about it too, even my boyfriend, but no one ever gives a shit. No one wants to hear your sad stories, it just brings them down. I've been contemplating suicide since I was 12 years old, I am now 22. You'd think if someone really cared they would have helped me by now. I've tried and tried to make people see how I feel but either nobody notices or they just don't care to notice, I don't know, but I give up! So to all you people out there who think I just need to go talk to someone, all I have to say is FUCK YOU!!!

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