Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
17 Jun 2003 ariel This is not fucking funny. I hate how people make a mockery of suicide like, "oh i got a shitty grade on that math quiz, i should just go and kill myself." it's not fucking funny. it's desperate and i need a fucking way out. i've already been hospitalized and my parents aren't taking me seriously. my sister made this joke that's like "oh maybe i should kill myself like arielle tried to because that's the only way to get attention in this house." well fuck that, i'm fucking dead on the inside, it's like i need a way to make the vessel dead, my soul is dead, now it's my body's turn. it's so fucking painful. everyday i wake up and wish i hadn't
13 Jun 2003 just a girl "tomato soup"

A new theory has been born... quite a stupid theory if u ask me (even though it's mine) but it works...
At least to give a moment of 'saneness' in my insane life...
I have a theory I can 'wash' away my pain... oh yeah... I’m sure you're thinking it sounds stupid now... but long baths and showers have now become my favourite past time... and I mean really long... (I had a bath for 4 hours the other day... so much for water restrictions)... perhaps this was because I had nothing better to do? Or because I passed out from not eating for so long? Who knows....?

But still... the belief has arisen somehow in this psychotic mind of mine... and it's almost like when I have a shower I can feel everything fade... everything is washed away... everything that makes me feel shit and awful and depressed just gets washed away and eventually ends up down the drain (like most things in my life).. and I get a 'clean-slate'... then again maybe I just like the running water for it’s now the only thing that can drown out my sobs.. they seem to get louder as each passing day goes by...

This week has been full of exams... exams exams exams… which I probably failed at least half… if not all... turning up having had no more than an hour's sleep the previous night... and still quite intoxicated (oh well)... but at least it means I only have to be at school for a few hours and get the rest of the day off.. (which, in-turn means I get to join the madness of my nonetheless beloved soap operas... (refer to ‘just a girl’ post ‘the bold and the oh-so beautiful’ if u really care enough to read my beliefs on that!) )
Today, I came home early after my psychology exam (fail).. and I had a bath :)
my cries as I entered and slammed my front door, away from the harsh reality of the world outside it, really were too much for me to bear today… the sounds needed to be drowned... the feelings needed to be ‘washed’ away… so I headed to my bathroom and turned on the tap.. (trying not to look in the mirror as I undress… I’ll wait till my ribs are fulling showing to do that)

although it takes quite a while to fill... it is worth it in the end.. the melodies from my blasting stereo to my right and the running water of the tap to my left fill the room and consume me.. bliss...
as I lay head under (lets see how long I can hold my breath shall we?) the water.. I still feel the pain inside... wash wash wash!!! (I tell myself over and over).. I glance at my shower at the other end of my bathroom and see me in there all those days ago.. with him.. and I feel sick.. knowing I let him do the things he did to me....
I get my sponge and start to scrub.. my legs first.. my non-existing (thanks to my new friends at my pro-ana site who introduced me to the gummy bear and water diet.. yummy gummy bears) stomach next... then my arms.. I scrub so hard my arms starts to turn red.. and before I know it... my arms are covered in blood... I scrubbed so hard I re-opened my precious wounds from the night before... and the night before that... and the night before that... and so on and so forth...
What seemed like only moments later... and I was sitting in a blood-red bath..
You know how when you’re in water too long.. and your skin wrinkles up like your grandma’s face to tell you you’ve been in way too long? Well soon enough my fingers and toes were mimicking the likings of the roly-poly dog on the toilet paper adds.. (my grandma’s dead.. so I’m doubting I wasn’t quite as wrinkled as her.. yet)... but every crack and wrinkle was filled with a red flowing river...
I swirl the water around with my index finger... slowly.. slowly.. and round and round.. it actually reminded my of my tomato soup dinners I would sometimes make for myself (if I had earned the right to have food that day).. but never actually ate.. just played with... always playing.. playing..
I think I sat numb in the bath for about 3 hours today.. before it actually hit me that my ‘wash clean’ theory could no longer be in operation.. for I was sitting in a pool of my own blood (how familiar).. But unfortunately I didn’t lose enough blood to kill myself (what a shame).. so I pulled the plug.. and I watched as part of me… once again.. floated down the drain, and simply disappeared (how I would love to disappear)..

That night, I sat in reflection of my television and thought of my blood-red bath (I should do that more often!)... perhaps next time.. if I start scrubbing the gashes on my legs, then, perhaps I could lose enough.. just enough to finally take that ‘to-do’ off my to-do-list which sits next to my bed (wonder if mummy has ever read it?)
And so.. as the darkness not only enters my mind, but the dark night sky outside as well.. I watched my ‘friends’ on ‘the bold and the oh-so beautiful’ fuck each other’s fathers and mothers (and brothers) as I made myself a nice bowl of tomato soup :)

After all... I’ve earned it.... don’t u think?
02 Jun 2003 Emily I've read a lot about suicide, and it seems that the popular ways (slashing wrists, OD) don't, or rarely work. I'm definitely going to commit suicide, but still have not found a good way. I've only told my boyfriend, but promised him I would never really do it. On the outside I have a wonderful life. I'm dating a wonderful guy who is always faithful and loving. i am extremely intelligent, compose music, write poetry, have a few good friends. That shows you how powerful the depression is. I can't tell anyone who might help me, if my parents knew how bad it was, they'd watch me like hawks, which I've had enough of without them knowing. I plan to leave a suicide note in the form of a short book/novel I've spent a few weeks writing on my computer. My boyfriend will be devastated. I feel awful about that.
29 May 2003 ziggy This is going to make me sound like the most idiotic moron on the face of the earth, but I once (I was 10?) tried to kill myself by stabbing myself with a pencil. Guess noone told me that I should stab something else instead of my arm.
I used to try to strangle myself all of the time, but I would always get caught, the rope would break, or I would pass out but not die. This only fueled my feelings of worthlessness. Can't even fucking kill myself right.
I am 26 now- still dealing with the suicide shit. I want to die right now even. Shit seems so fucked up. I wish I had some words of inspiration for everyone, but the way I see it- everything is meaningless. There is no such thing as life- not for me anyway. This sucks.
29 May 2003 will aawwww, 'just a girl', that makes me so sad:( but i know how you feel, really i do. Anyway, i came down from the loft to visit my mother in law. yes my lovely mother in law. And she popped the question. Nooo, not that one;) No, she asked me if i am 'GAY'. Well, i said, yes i am. i actually shocked myself in saying yes to her. It's like opening a can of worms. Ummm, im just waiting for the fireworks. She is the last one to find out. Ohhh, im going back up the loft to hide.......
28 May 2003 perfect I've been suicidal for the past four months. Not a day goes by without thinking about how much I want to die. I am sad, depressed, my life is just blah. But, I am different from a lot of the people I read about on this dicussion board. My future looks promising. I'm a good looking 18 yr old male. I have a lot of friends, I attend an Ivy league university. I have parents and family who love me. I have people who WILL be devastated and will miss me when I die. So what is wrong with me? I used to be fun and happy, but now I am just somber, cold, and distant. I am just too much of a whimp to pull through with it. God, give me the strength to end it. i can't stand to see the light of another day.
10 May 2003 not Dear gay,

Let me tell you a little story. I had a normal life, what I thought was a kind and loving family. Then I got a medical condition that was difficult to diagnose and caused some strange symptoms. Well, without going into detail, somehow my family got the idea that I might be gay.

I'm a curious person, so I did not tell them I wasn't gay to see how they would react. I was the same person, didn't act gay in any way shape or form (because I am not) and didn't do or say anything that would "upset" a heterosexual person. Well do you know what happened?

In a few days they started to treat me
differently, acting mean. My dad stop referring to me by name and talking to me directly, just referring to me as "him". I had to fight to get someone to talk with me for 10 minutes whereas before I would have to cut conversations short.

So you know what I did. I didn't say anything for another week. You know what the behavior continued and members of my own family said things to me I couldn't believe.

Then you know what I realized? My family are a bunch of freakin BIGOTS. That me as a person is insignificant to what they "perceive" I am.

BIGOTS are the sum of the earth. If you are a bigot you are the slime that covers slime.

So one day I told my mom. Oh yeah, I am
not gay. Well hallelluyah (sp). Suddenly I am worth talking to. My jokes are "funny" again. My opinion matters.

But now I know the truth.
99.99% of the human population are Bigoted moronic fucks.

not "gay"
08 May 2003 jesse i am 25 and since the age of 15 (i think) i have been contemplating suicide, almost each conscious moment when i was alone with myself. my reason is not unlike many here. mental retard, slow, introvert, ultra sensitive, humorless, no close friends, unbearably domineering father, depressed and desolate mother... my reasons for ending life were endless... for in my head it seemed that if i were to come out of the mess, anybody in the world can do anything they want.
i slashed my wrists once, wasn't deep enough, my brother saw me and stopped me for the time being with some admonisions and kind words (my brothers are one reason i want to live, and another is to see my mother happy) i was lucky that i got people who love me deeply too.
But the pain inside my head was unbearable. i turned to god. flipped a coin, and it said run away... i did.. came back... things became better... i went to college... slowly i came to realise how much vulnerable life is... i opened up my windows and saw everyone was just like me.. .afraid.. ashamed of something or the other... even the ones i had thought to be full of life and all so cool... a girl in my class comitted suicide... unable to bear the humilation of being a failure in 2nd year... what a poor waste i thought at the time... anyway everybody is going to die in the end so why the big hurry to do it now?...and then i realise that my wish to die has been tampered... that i want to live as long as possible... believe me when i say no one is really happy in their life all the time... some are mean and make others unhappy too... but then there are others who make it worth too... believe me when i say that god is within us... and there is one whole god who loves us as we are... create ur own happiness.
my recommendation for the perfect suicide is to let death knock at ur door first, coz anyway it is going to come one day. rest watever we think is in our heads and like neo in the matrix movie u can also come out of ur personal hell.
28 Apr 2003 Michael Hello,
My name is Michael. I'm 29 years old and have contemplated suicide many times. I actually tried committing suicide close to a dozen times. My reasons are all in vain and I just cannot get out of slumps at times. I have a wonderful family and a g/f that adores me. She has meant the world for me for some time, but I decided to end our relationship a short while ago due to my selfishness. I feel like she may not be the one for me and she is wasting her time. She has given me so much to live for, but in the back of my mind I am not happy and want to depart from this world. I figure if I break up with her, then hurting her will not be so bad. My family will be devastated and I do not know what else to do. I was in a psychiatric hospital this past June for about 8 or 9 days. It was eye opening. I mean, I see people who are really mentally ill. I am your average guy. I think most people would never think I have the problems that I do. Of course, you cannot read someone's mind, but I think, most people see someone who seems unstable and can gather a clue. Anyway, I have just tied a noose around my pull up machine and have been looking at it for the past few hours. I have tried popping pills and carbon Monoxide, but it never worked. I honestly want a peaceful death. I am hoping little pain is involved and it will be like going to sleep. I feel terrible for my family and friends, but I am sooo unhappy with my job, my looks and other things I pay way too much attention to. I went to college and work at a job that I just cannot stand. It's hard to leave when you are making good money. Everyone tells me how attractive I am and I just do not see it. I have been thinking I've been going bald since about 8th grade. I still have full head of hair, but I start just really looking. Looking too much and it drives me nuts. I'm so vain. It's horrible. I'm very sad and wish life was just so much easier for me. That's the strange part. It's not a bad life, but I keep paying attention to detail instead of looking at the whole picture. I just wish these thoughts and pain would go away. I have taken medication but I do not like the feeling it gives me. i feel like a vegetable. That is not me. So I'm not taking that crap. For any kids that are 13 years old.... death is not the answer. You have so much to look forward to. Do well in school and the world is yours. I know growing up in a dysfunctional family makes things so much harder, belive me... I know. But when you get through the forest it opens up into a vast ocean. It's seemless and never ends. Find help within your friends if you feel uncomfortable discussing it with your family. I know that age is awkward, but stay focused and do what you need to to survive. Life can be an amazing thing if you play your cards right. Peace, love and happiness... Hopefully I will not see you any time soon!

24 Apr 2003 unimportant Since I could comprehend death and suicide I have wanted to die, perhaps because what follows can only be better than what is for me. I have since I was about 8 or 9 had an illness which doctors have not been able to determine, add to this the fact I have premature grey hair at 8-9 years old. I'm now 17, virtually top of the class of any college course I do, I get a job after the first day trial and people who know me like me. But every year the pain gets that much worse and the cure that further away. The illness means I am in constant pain but at a low level, to you it would feel like indigestion all the time, but at least once a week I'll be in so much pain i'll black out for a few minutes and i'll be in that pain for hours.

The symptoms are a high fever terrible stomach pains, migraine, high nausea and a variety of smaller problems. But of all my desire to die I have never even tried. I hear the cries for help of other people on this site and their problems seem like a dream compared to the hell that life is for me. I would be happier even if I just knew the name of my illness but of all the tests, check-ups and inspections all they can give me are some pain killers that don't work, some jokes that don't make me laugh and some time to cry in silence.

Don't pity me i'm already dead.
22 Apr 2003 meg arite listen, im only 12 and already attempted suicide multiple times. I slit my wrists horrbily at least 5 times, and over dosed about 10. The only real over dose ive ever had happened not long ago... i took a whole bottle of advil, people i didnt even know cried as well as my very best friends who nearly blamed themselves to death. an entire 360 pills i swallowed, its a wonder i lived. Doctors say that i had 15% chance of living but somehow i pulled thru. Listen if you're thinking about suicide think about this if you have friends what would they do? would they kill themsleves too? be miserable for the rest of their lives? and if you dont have friends, think about the future when your finally free of school, parents, people u hate. you can finally go out there and find people like you and do whatever you wanna do for the rest of your life. When you're older you'll be around new people they wont know your lonely past, a fresh start over.... just think about it
18 Apr 2003 Monster Mash Well fuck Me !
What a site !
Truth, most do not want to kill themselves, just want to threaten others and even themself, some go thru with it and Id say its usually an oops when they accomplish it !
Keep expressing yerself, get louder about it, tell people even though they do not want to hear it, fuckem, tell'em anyway !
Thats yelling fer help, I did it, when I was 13, Im now 37, so I guess it some how worked, hang on to yer ass, learn shit, killing yerself shit may never leave your mind but the seriousness of the thought will, your mind is a fucked up place to live, its where all evil begins !
Point is loosen up on how serious you take your own thoughts, keep talking to people, write the shit down, read some info on it, dig thru web sites, go to the book store, you may actuslly find a bit of humor in it all, you may find your a bit more powerful than your comittee up stairs (yer mind and the shit you think ) believe it or not most people have sick weird shit in there head as you might, some know how to ignore and deal with it, some have done shit in there child hood that burns in there mind and feel condemd to there mind, and listen/believe how they are screwed and there is know one one to discuss this with and they are simply fucked, doomed, well these like myself are the ones that need to work abit at it and really its not work at all, its simply learning or discovering, opening that fucking contraption up for possibly finding some info that could make some sense out of what it is I have been through or going through and why I feel like I want to die !
What the hell do you got to loose other than possibly yer damn life.
Thats what I did, and Im still here, life certainly has its very sucky moments and at times I wonder what the hell ! However I get thru it, I learn things to do to get thru it, sometimes I just sleep, may even get drunk or rent a movie, I do keep reading up on stuff that makes sense to me, that gives me help an upper edge on this commitee in my mind, fuck them Im in charge, not them !
Sounds nuts but hey do some reading and you may find its no so unusual!
11 Apr 2003 Penny 'Today is the greatest day i've ever known' Good old Smashing Pumpkins huh? That song used to make me smile, just that one line. But now, it just makes me want to cry. Infact, i skip to number 6 'Disarm' and then i cry some more. It`s like everything i feel all in one song, one pre packaged ball of emotion. It pulls everything to the surface of me, i've never felt so low. Everything is so black and empty inside me, it feels just like someone has ripped out my heart and everything i used to be. And do you know what, i don't even know why. There's no big event that`s scared me for life, i don't hate myself. I'm just tired now.
10 Apr 2003 John Bonham I can understand the thought of ending this life of mine, certainly thought of it a few times, life's a bitch sometimes and those sometimes when you're in it seems eternal. I feel as though I'm doomed, like I have a curse on me or I did some bad shit in a past life and I'm paying for it in this one.
The pain, frustration and helplessness I feel, undescribable. I must say I thank God for alcohol, don't always work but usually it does, or some exercise, bike ride, whatever, I try to change my mind set, one thing that helped is I typed in depression on my search engine and started reading all kinds of shit on depressive thinking, it's amazing how much my own mind plays a role in this drama and the funny thing is once I started to understand this, it was a lot easier. I still get down, suicide has flewn through my mind on occasions, much less serious than in my past, when I get really down to the point of no way I'm reading or doing any exercise I will get hammered, drunk, better than that fucking nightmare feeling of being in some eternal fucking pit, shit pit I should say and the next day I'm usually fine then I proceed to work out and do some reading or watch some good comedy shit, comedy with some cocktails will almost surely give a good temp solution on a bummer life feeling for me !
One last thing, I remember back many years ago when I was a lot younger, I had a rifle to my head loaded, cocked and ready to go, I had it right at my head with my finger on the trigger all I had to do was pull the trigger and this thought came over me, what if I did this and ended up in a after-life scenario, it was exactly like it is now only a hundred times worse, and if I shot myself in that life it sends me to another hundred times worse, hmmmmm, thought who knows, I have no clue what happens when we are dead here, do you, does anyone, no, no one does, I do not give a rat's ass what any religon or any psychic says, no one has came back with a description of the after life, if there is one, so I figured why take a chance, I think I'll just hang out and see what happens, I think this thought of maybe this could be the worst thing to do, it could be even worse after I exit here, hmmmmm, could end up like a real bad acid trip, seems how I liked the good ones I'll see how I can make this life a good one. I still find it hard at times to make the best of things but I'm always opened for new info, one thing that helped me be open to learning new ways was being sober for 5 plus years, I'm no longer sober by choice, I try to do what I can to get by, I'm starting to investigate people who seem to succeed in life, find their secrets cause I want money, hahahaha !
Anyway just thought I'd throw my 2 cents in, I really hope no one pulls the trigger, you may have a purpose here and you may not, just remember it could be worse on the other side, who knows ?
09 Apr 2003 Carly I attempted suicide and i'm only 13. I took an overdose od tylenol because I thought I didn't want to live anymore. I know that my life probably isn't as bad as some of yours but it sure is a lot for a 13 year old girl to handle. Things started to get bad for me since I entered seventh grade. I had boy troubles and the whole nine yards. Because of that I, mentally as a person, changed. I didn't like the way I was acting to my friends and everyone around me. I have a family that cares about me although some of you might not. When I was in the ambulance on my way to the hospital, I realize what a let down this would be for my friends and family. Some of you might not have a family who cares about you as much as I do, or they might you just think they don't. Still, that's no reason to kill yourself. God gave you a life of happiness, and even though you don't see that you will sooner or later in life. Every one was put on this earth to make a difference. Whether or not it's to have children or grandchildren who find a way to make world peace, you were still put here to make something of you selves and do it right. Don't abuse your life because you were in a bad place at a bad time. Get past that and move on. Believe me it's hard but you can do it! I STILL, to this day, think about killing myself but i know that things will get better for me and i can be the doctor I always wanted to be. Just please, take it from me, killing yourself is NOT the answer!!!!
06 Apr 2003 kay its weird, im 20 years old, and lately ive been feeling down about my life. im a sociology major at my school but i think i want to change my major... but it led me to thinking, god i want to just get the hell out of my school. i just want to get the hell out of this country and go to some island with palm trees and set up a little grocery store and a little house by the beach and be happy forever after. sounds crazy? then i started thinking, god i hate my personality, i hate the fact that i have this fear of speaking in my classes, and in front of new people. i hate the way i have this fear constantly running my life, it has built me into this person i dont want to be. i want to be this, i want to be that, blah blah. all my life, since i was in junior high school, i remember being in this endless depression cycle. i remember getting these migraines from all the stress i was putting on myself by not facing my fears. i hated the way i looked, i hated everything about myself, i hardly had friends. so i changed. in high school it got a little better, i started forcing myself to do things that i would normally be afraid to do, like talk to someone who would intimidate me. i mean, but the change was sLOOOOW, but i see myself now as im writing this and i see a totally different person, maybe not the person i want to be but one who would be crushed if i was the same as how i was in junior high. but i remember there was a point in time where i would wake up and take the subway to school, and every morning i would feel like (even though it sounds mad corny) rejuvenated. like, damn its so beautiful outside, and im so fucking glad to be alive and be here, i can do anything i fucking want to because i have total control over my life and only i have total control over my own happiness. not anybody else. not my parents, nothing. as i write this, i feel like, damn i wish i had those feelings running through my veins again instead of this dead feeling. i feel like im stuck, and i feel ashamed to think of suicide because it seems like a self pity tactic. but you guys, you guys have your whole lives ahead of you. you're too young at age 13 to think of dumb things like this. yea, sometimes you're gonna feel like nobody gives a shit about you or that you wanna just get the fuck out of whatever situation you're in, or that you want to make people feel responsible for your unhappiness.... but your feelings are all a part of your perspective. each and everyone of you have the ability to be insanely happy and live the life that you want to live. only you have this control, fuck everyone else, live your life and dont give someone else the satisfaction of seeing you down. its weird seeing me write this. my boyfriend had a pep talk with me about this stuff last night cause i felt like i was going crazy. but sometimes being happy seems so far away from my grasp, and he says that its really all mental. im going to try to change.
05 Apr 2003 pills blow not pills.. pills is the WORST way to kill yourself.. well i can't say the worst cause i haven't had experience in every other type of suicide. but if your overdose.. and "nothing happens" then that not overdose.. if you start puking.. then you know it's working. people don't seem to realize how pills kill you. you don't just fall asleep and not wake up.. you basically trip out in your head. like music and stuff just is too intense. fall asleep.. and wake up hurling fuckin shit everywhere man, u don't wanna puke your guts up for hours and hours.
I've been reading through and so many people are asking how can they kill themselves with pills.. so unless you're willing to puke for 7 hours straight ( that was 7 hours straight when the hospital was making me better so if i hadn't have been in hospital most, it likely would have been longer). don't overdose.. if you don't mind the violent throwing up, go for it, it's definitly the best way man. i'ts slow... very slow.. not painful.. just sickening.
30 Mar 2003 pedro i hate my existence, because i always hurt everyone who love me most. especially a girl called teresa who came to my life 3 years and a half ago, and she was the best opportunity i had in my life, and i hurt her really bad in her feelings, and now everything is lost. now i really hate my own being because i can't offer love to anyone. i tried suicide 3 times "fell off from a second floor, under a big dose of katamin and many sleeping pills , and a gram of heroin". unfortunately i always escaped myself from death.. i often cut myself to prove me that i can do it ..... next time i decided to put a rope around under a large dose of "serenal" to give me the guts i need to do it. it is an horror to live with the idea that you throw to the garbage the best chances of your life ... good bye teresa
26 Mar 2003 Tina Yeah. The best way to kill yourself is probably overdosing. Fuck that pain shit. If you're going to go out, at least make it peaceful. My boyfriend died a month ago of an accidental drug overdose. He died at my house, in my bed, and I was asleep right next to him when he died. It was pretty fucked up. I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do, I might try and go out like some Romeo and Juliet type of shit. I thought about laying on the rail road tracks, but I don't want to be all mutilated. I'll probably eat about 10 Oxycotins and peace this world goodbye. I don't know what will happen to me when I die, I'm hoping that I'll just be asleep and awaiting ressurection. If Joey is going into Heaven alone, then so am I. I love him and I can't live without him, and I can't live with the memory of what I saw. Good luck to all of you. My death day will be April 20, 2003. It might be on the news. Look out for a 16 year old girl who died in Berlin, New Jersey. Okay? Peace.

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