|Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.|
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?
Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
|17 Oct 2004||Michael G||It's been ages since I started thinking about commiting suicide. Life to me is just a figment of your imagination. There is no life in life as we speak, we are only here to suffer, to be neglected, to be ridiculed, cursed, bullied, to be hurt in any form, embarassed and so on and so on... It's a never ending quest to overcome all these madness. We are here to experiencce the worse. As much as you tried to relentlessly change or better yourself, you somehow or in all the times fail with disbelief that it becomes a routine to you to believe that life will always be unfair to you.
Funny? Well, thats the truth! You try and try but you fail and fail and always fail! Short of saying its hopeless! Ask yourself, was it worth living after all these years of emotional whirlwind that physically drained you as well. I have from day one ask for divine intervention and I am a fool for thinking that God is the answer. For all you people thinking of commiting suicide... I do understand with great respect how you feel at this very moment. Today, I still hope that someday I will have the courage and strength to leave this world with a smile that finally I did it!
|14 Oct 2004||Tayray||well first of all i would like to say that my heart goes out to all who have posted on this site that truly have it like 10000 times worse than i do... i'm 17 years old, and i must say that i do have it pretty good as far as material things go and i'm not bad looking, and i do have many friends. but personally, i feel that the only reason for my social status is because of the way i look. i'm afraid of everything. it's like there is something inside me, controling me and i don't fucking understand it. i feel completely empty, and i feel like i'm going nowhere in life. rather than doing school work, i spend more time in my room crying, and trying to think of ways to get the fuck out of this life. i'll start to cut my wrists and watch the blood trickle down my arm and then i will play with it and draw shapes.. this seems to satisfy me. i'm way too afraid to kill myself.. if i knew that i would just be gone and my soul would whither away, i'd be dead long ago. but when you die, you don't know what happens, and that is what scares me. i don't know what the fuck to do|
|14 Oct 2004||mark||the best way to kill yourself is not to care about yourself and those around you, I do not know any of you in person but I care, and hope that you do not end your lives, I have been through a lot my self and still suffer from depression, I have tried to kill myself on many occasions and have seen life from the lowest points to the rare good times, I thought that there was no future for me after my brother took his life over 20 years ago, it still hurts so much, and life can have some very bad times, but I keep going, I married and have 2 kids (best thing in my life) I am now divorced and disabled and still have times when I just want it all to end, but what would that do to the people around me and my kids.... at 39 years I have been depressed for 32 years, but through the depression I found love and a family. please seek help if it gets too much for you..... it may seem like people do not care, well I do and there are many others that do to.|
|14 Oct 2004||Donna Elder||I've taken 60 panadol and two bottles of vodka along with 21 sleeping pills. I'm very drowsy as I browse the net but still in my right mind. I have a blinding headache that makes me want to bang my head off the wall. I just felt the need to say bye somewhere and came across this site. So I'll just say Goodnight all. Love Donna xx|
|13 Oct 2004||Saffron||If you are going to kill yourself do it so that you manage it. I tried and failed. I am alive minus my legs.|
|11 Oct 2004||Man with a slightly demented brain.... possible dysfunction of..||I want to have a good life for myself, but I always waste my time. Ill waste my time in all kinds of ways..... like searching for pointless crap on the net, like rotten.com, and if I dont waste time on the net, then maybe Ill waste time by watching tv..... and if I dont waste time watching tv, Ill waste time by listening to the same songs over and over again, forcing myself to experience the same painful emotions over and over again, wishing that I could express myself and people could feel what is in me. If Im not doing that, you might catch me wasting time lying in my bed, staring at the wall, thinking about how lonely I am and how I wish I was with someone, how sad and pathetic I am, how much I hate myself and I hate my life, how much angst and anxiety there is within me, how I feel I am a failure, like I dont deserve and am not capable of having good things, or just thinking about confrontations with people that never even happened, and probably would never happen. Or you might find me wandering the streets in the middle of the night, thinking of things that never were, thinking of all that I am missing out on in this life, thinking about how I have nothing, that I am a victim, that there is no reason to live. It's like I am in some kind of never ending struggle that doesn't even exist except inside my head. Man, the hours can just drift by and you dont even know it. Ive got to stop this.
Watch your thoughts, they become your reality. My reality is a reality that no one else knows of or understands. I do not sleep, I cannot work because I am always fighting a dragon on the inside, which isn't even "real". The dragon is burning me and killing me. Life can be a dream or a nightmare. Right now my life is a nightmare and I can't wake up. If I won the lottery, had everything that a person could ever want, the dragon would still be in me and I could never be happy. JUST GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|07 Oct 2004||Jessica||I've tried every concievable way since I was eight years old to end my life. Cutting, drugs, alcohol, jumping, walking into traffic, forcing people to beat me up, overdosing on prescriptions, getting shot. Nothing has worked. I am now seventeen. It's still shit to get through each day. Each day, at least once, I want to end it all. A lot of shit has happened to me that has happened to other people on here, including rape and bullying. I'd like to think mine was worse because my mother has encouraged illness.... she has Munchausen's by Proxy.... and she loves no one but herself. Knowing that I am so horrible that my own mother cannot love me, I still go on. Not on faith, not on hope, but simply because I can't give up. I was blessed, and sometimes cursed, with a strong will. I am bipolar and borderline. I have obsessive-compulsive disorder. Do I take meds? No. They, like suicide, are a "quick fix." I don't give a fuck what would happen to other people if I killed myself. I only care that I would not have given to the world, not have accomplished, what I could. Despite my lack of self-esteem and severe depression, it all boils down to one thing for me: I have to be the best. And to be the best, I have to live on.|
|05 Oct 2004||Shayne||pfffftttttt dont take 60 panadol. just just f**ked me over, f**ked up my liver and was bleeding internally for like 13 hours. ummm if anything use anti-depressants.|
|05 Oct 2004||kiven||i appreciate everyone posting here.... my plans for suicide are now gone! thank you guys!
i want to just go through with my problems.. maybe someday it'll work out for me... i don't feel very sad anymore
|04 Oct 2004||Amber||I live in New Zealand population 4million. We have the highest suicide rate in the world. Ihave just taken 30 clanazapams(anti anxity pills) and 60 sleeping pills so good night hope you can follow in these footsteps of mine cause im feeling real good for the first time in ages>|
|23 Sep 2004||Will Snow||FLAMER, I guess you were abused by your father? Well, Ive been bullied at school and was sexually abused once at school and I actually abused back at school too. But only once and I am ashamed of that. Plus I abused someone in the family and that is the lowest of lows. I think about it often what I have done. My father abused me (so my sister says) and he hated me laughing or anything. I was so scared of him. He died 17 years ago and strangely, I miss him dearly. In fact when he died I became depressed and went into myself and wouldnt talk to anyone. But after a year I opened up again. And Im gay too. But I kept it quiet until fairly recently. I was married as well. So you see. Im really bad and I am ashamed for the things ive done. Im not ashamed of being gay anymore though.|
|16 Sep 2004||Max||Every day, at about six in the mourning, the alarm clock rudely pulls me out of my dreamy free wandering, and throws me back into reality. It is at the time that I most clearly realize I hate this. Why do I keep doing it? I usually keep asking myself that question as I automatically go about my mourning routine, hoping an answer will come to me, although it never does. Soon I am off to school and so busy that I forget for a little while, although the thought still remains in the back of my mind. I think about how busy I am, but how pointless everything I am doing is. The strange this is that I often feel even worse on days when I am not busy, since then there is nothing to distract me and make me forget my self questioning.
Ah... good times
|14 Sep 2004||sarah (sissylynn)||everyone always tells me that they have it hard. i know that some do but still not all the fuckin time. they dont have to deal with shit they didnt want to. they dont have to fuckin hide under a mask of something or someone ur not. i hate this, i wanna die... i have scars like the rest of u even the people who are reading this but deny they are one of the cutters. either u cut once or sometimes or all the time. u still are considered a fuckin cutter. stop posing u assholes. u dont know what its like to be molested by ur cuz or abused mentally by ur dad or have a mom who drinks too much to get the voice of my dad outta her head. u dont know what its like to compared to ur perfect brother... might i add he is younger than u.... u fuckin people dont know shit. i have to deal with the broken heart every damn day.. i have his face fuckin set in stone in my head... i have all the fuckin things my cuz did to me in my head playin over n over n over again everyday i have to come home to this war in my house act as if nothing happened that nite... i go to skool the next day happy go lucky never lettin on the pain i have to see in my head. i used to be the perfect child or so some say.. good student to an extent then i used to be a cheerleader, always smiling, had a great boyfriend. i lost it all i died inside i trust no one. yet still i smile n act as tho i do.. i cant fuckin believe u people.. u have ppl to trust ppl to look forward to seeing i just have this lifeless body, this meaningless world i dont belong in u dont fuckin know shit.... there is only one way to do suicide fast n quick... a knife on the throat or the wrist only if u do it right... deep n fast... u will suffocate with the neck but if u want people to feel sorry for u then go for the wrist... u will live longer to see or be seen with ur last breath... have fun and have a great day.... mine wont be!!!|
|13 Sep 2004||marie||well i really dunno i never tryed to kill myself when i was 13 my life was all good from up to the age of 14 maybe 14 1/2.i've tryed to kill myself twice slitting my wrists and that didn't work because i slit it really deep but i neverd got my vains it was in between them so the second time i was blacked out and i got picked up by the cops 4 being way to hammered so they brung me to the police station put me in the drunk tank.and when i was in thurr i tryed to hang myself but the gards ran into my cell and stoped me then the next day when i can to from being blacked out they let me outta the drunk tank but then they brung me to the fricken hospatil to go to the mentail place and i had to stay thurr 4 1 week my mom wanted me to stay in thurr longer but i wanted to get out so i got out and.still today i wanna kill my self but i threw away all my knifes and stuff like that.because when i used to try to kill myself the 1st thing i would grab is my knife and i would slit my writs but now all i have is a bunch of fucken up scares.but i'm gonna kill myself i'm just waiting for the time to come when i get really mad i'm gonna go but a bottle of 151 and go kill my self i dunno how i'm gonna do it but when the time comes i'll know..|
|06 Sep 2004||trinh||Reading these stories have put my life into perspective and that its like my life isnt worth ending compared to everyone else. But their stories have been told and so will mine. Im not going to say my age; its irrelevant right now.
Well, I have always been a happy kid, you know a person people would call normal, I guess I was average. But there was always a part of me that struggled to be part of society or to be normal like everyone else. I always tried so hard to be accepted but everywhere I went people would just judge me, and it made me feel so crap about myself. So finally I just gave up trying in everything. As I hit my 11th grade, I met a girl and she showed me it was okay to be myself, and being myself was cool enough. Things were getting better again. I had never been so happy in my life ever. The best of memories were made with her. I became her new closest friend; you know the kind of friend she was always afraid to have because of past experiences leaded her to believe otherwise. I wasnt religious but I finally found my new faith.
But as the friendship progressed I made mistakes, mistakes that she said was forgivable, but I never forgave myself and I knew deep down that she never had forgiven me even though she said she did. I always looked at these mistakes and allowed them to take over me and so the depression began here. Things werent the same anymore.
I was constantly jealous that she was talking to other people because she never wanted to be a best friend to me, the way I wanted her to be to me. She was a person who always wanted a lot of friends while I only wanted one friend; I guess thats where our opinions differed. I would try so hard to make her happy, though I did on countless occasions; I guess it just wasnt enough for her. She would treat me like any other person. Though Im sure she felt more than that, she was afraid to say anything, so I didnt want to make assumptions so I stuck to my initial thought: I was like everyone else to her. That is what ultimately brought me down. After that everything went downhill.
Friends were worried about me but I couldnt bare the thought that my new light in life rejected me. When school was bad and all.
I found myself crying myself to sleep each night because what was there never came back and Id keep thinking of how persistent I was being with making the same mistakes that I promised not to make. For attention Id threaten to kill myself. I also started to cut. Cutting always seemed to make it better, my tears would dry and I would smile knowing that I felt better. Again cry for forgiveness.
I didnt know what else to do to prove to her my worthiness and loyalty to her, nothing seemed enough for her.
The first time I tried to kill myself I told her and she sympathized with me begging me never to do it again. The second time was similar but she still did not feel the same way I did, wanting to be best friends, but she was strict on me not doing it again. But as the threats became repetitive she began to call me stupid and turn away. All of my friends started to become afraid of who I was or who Ive become. Though they did try to help me. Trying to get me some professional help. But nothing seemed to work, it was like they didnt understand me. I think by the end they just started to get annoyed with me.
Well, the cause of this all was ultimately me, I was jealous of who she talked to and what she did. Just because she didnt feel the same way. At one point she was depressed too because of the mistakes Id made that had disappointed her. She felt crappy due to her loss of her first close friend and so I, having the soft spot for her, always there for her when she needed a shoulder to cry on. It was hard because I knew deep down I was the cause of these problems, that didnt make me feel much better.
Grade 12 hit and so I was failing my courses. I mean the beginning was nice and all and then I hit a wall. My friends still watched out for me at this point. At a friends party she was talking to everyone but me and so to take care of this pain I over dosed on my anti depressants and ended up in a hospital ruining my friends birthday party. By the end I stopped attending all of my classes and failed my courses and by that time they had up and left me, and the girl I loved. They left me to deal with these problems on my own. What friends huh. When I needed them the most they left, all at the same time too. Now, I have no one.
In total I had tried to kill myself 3 times. Once trying to suffocate myself with a plastic bag. Another overdosing on antidepressants. Another over does which made me vomit for hours. Each time was a cry for forgiveness from her; that I knew deep down would never come. Why did I wake up each time!
Apologies wont even cut it for them, they would tell me to get over it. And Im sure a lot of you have heard the same thing. Im sure its crap. I was just a memory to them and they dont even miss me. I guess I am that worthless as I thought since I was little. I dont think Ill be happy ever again. Was it them or me?
Now the only thoughts that get me happy or even a bit excited are thoughts of suicide. They are what make my day. My moods change, there are times when I am in need and want her there with me, or there are times I sit there and think about how I can get revenge on them for leaving me. There are problems everywhere I look, at home, at school, and I would look to the friends side, but I dont even have any that understand me. Everyone and everything I look at now has a flaw, its all just not worth living for I finally realized. Part of me sees the reality, the ugliness of mankind, the stinks of this city of this planet, wishing the world be destroyed hundred times and cast into the sun. Wishing People stop pretending that their life has a purpose, hoping people remember from the time when we are born, we are waiting to die. ...How many justifications do you see per day? How many lies do you hear per week? Layer upon layer, I wanted to fucking uncover all your layers. I want to expose all of you liars out there. I hate this fucking planet. I hate all of you. People are the worst thing that happened on this earth; theyll let you down. Your dreams will be crushed. Never dream, never have faith.
School starts again, and Im not grade 12 but grade going back. And school is the place where it all went wrong, how can I deal with this, I think it will drive me to my death. All of it, the rejection and the memories.
I know, I have a family that loves me, but sometimes its not enough. I want to die, but Im afraid of the pain. I do want to just die in a car accident or whatever because Im too cowardly to kill myself. But no matter how I die, I want them to be responsible for what happened to me, because in the end it was them who couldve helped me. It was them who could have brought happiness back to my life. They will regret. They will.
This is whom I am, because of the girl and friends who had left me in my times of desperate need.
If you guys are reading this and Im dead, my final words are: its your fault. Live with the guilt.
Ill die soon.
|30 Aug 2004||Gigi||I have thought of the subject myself, as weird as it may sound. Im such a happy person around my friends and family. Iv been through depression though, and for a long amount of time. Iv been through just about every thing; moving, being abandoned by my own mother, not having a father for 2/3rds of my life. Iv been beaten, scared, angry, and just about every other emotion. You wouldnt notice it if you ever met me though. Im in sports in highschool, I get pretty good grades, I have tons of friends, and Im always smiling and outgoing around people. But the truth is that Iv been hurt before, and along with depression comes thoughts. Iv tryed to commit suicide 4 times. There was a time where I was a major cutter too. I have scars on my left arm, and when ever asked how I got them I tell them that the cat scratched me. Im not scared of dying, Im scared for my friends though, I love them more than anything...
Depression still lingers on me, but I just hide it.
|27 Aug 2004||Dean W||Hi kate, if your reading this then u got my e-mail, Sorry to put you through this but I chose to leave my note here as it allowed me to choose who read it first (apart from however many people read the stuff on this site, some of which is quite good and even had me re-thinking my decision for a while) anyway please please don't allow anyone to blame themselves this was my life and I made a lot of mistakes there is NOTHING that you or anybody else could have done to prevent this. I am sorry I have pushed you away for so long and I have dragged you down into my problems (although you will always disagree with that) There is really a lot else to say, people who knew me will know why I did this, I just really wanted people to know I don't want them blaming themselves or thinking they should have done more, you ALL did everything you could. I am a coward and cannot handle the reality of life that was my biggest weakness. I always loved you all and always felt loved,|
|22 Aug 2004||Kieren Allen||I have been thinking of suicide for a very long time now. I'm not 13yo, but have suffered with depression since I was at least 4yo. For me there is now little reason or drive to go on with this game called life. After my parents divorced when I was 4yo, I was brought up in 9 different forster homes. I was abused as a kid both sexually and physically by "straight" people who were supposed to protect and look after me. I have had to live with the memories and shame of this all my life! I survived a very violent gay hate attack just before Christmass 2003, after which I was in hospital for 6 weeks. This has cost me my job where I earnt very good money, and has pretty much destroyed my life! I now cannot trust "straight" people at all. I have no family, and few if any friends, no one will really miss me! People should understand that this alone is my choice! I have given it alot of consideration! I have also looked at other options! No one can live my life for me, or solve my problems or take away the fear, panick attacks and nightmares I now have to live with each day. Remember that I said I have no family, and no one will give a damn when I am gone! I am not lying, I won't even have to wright a letter when I end my life. I am not trying to stop you from killing yourself, that alone is your absolute right, and it is your life. But before you decide to end your life, do what I have done, and at least stay around long enough to consider fully the ramifications of your choice! It will be final and absolute! There is no going back, and there will not be a chance for things to get better or even for your loved ones to help you. Think also, long and very hard about who your going to leave behind, and who might find you. Sometimes the pain for those who live on after you are gone is too much for them to bear. They never really forget or get over it! Remember that things can get better. Hard times can pass! "Suicide" is a very permanent solution, to what can sometimes be only a temporary situation! If you have close friends or a family member you can really trust and love, then for God's sake, do the right thing and tell them how you are feeling and ask them for help before it's too late. You owe yourself that much! Remember that suicide is only to ever be considered as a decision of last and absolute final resort. Think about this very carefully, and don't make a quick decision. Give yourself at least "6" months of very careful consideration, and explore "all" other options first. I did! Time can heal, if not help a lot. Remember there is no turning back from such a choice! Quite apart from any thing else, and of extreem importance, you must have the correct information! You simply must know what you are doing! Trust me, you don't want to end up as a vegetable or be totally paralysed with brain dammage! That would be a living hell, and would really piss your loved ones and friends off! If you really want to know how to suicide, then do what I did, check out the "how to" pages on the net. The Hemock society in the U.S is a good start. It is not the only one but be sure to "get it right" and you can even make it painless! If you, like me are pretty much alone in life, and don't have loved ones, then the choice will be that much easier. You still should consider all the other options first! Remember I said I have thought about this for a very long time, and I know that my life is now just too messed up for a real, and happy future! But if you have loved ones, or very close friends, then you owe it to yourself, and them, to seek help before going any further!|
|20 Aug 2004||Heather Rose||I'm ba-ack... This is awsome.. I can't explain how I feel right now. I cut into that scar of the star on my stomach.. I just did one little cut at first, and I couldn't stop smiling. It fucking hurt. It fucking hurt I was smiling. How sad. I just kept going, using the old scars as my outlines to follow. I got bored of that and covered my stomach in teeny tiny x's. It looks so pretty.
I got bored of that and I beat the shit out of my hip. That was at like.. four in the morning, so when I woke up this morning, it was already starting to bruise.. When I was showering, I just kept pounding on it, with this huge ass smile on my face.
Afterwards, I just laid in bed and pinched my arms.. I pinched them till they were are red and a little bloody.
It was incredible. I miss being like this. I'm being a total cunt on the outside, but inside I'm the happiest I have been in years. I don't care when I flip out on everyone, it makes me feel better. I just yell and scream and poke my little bruise just to remember its there.. Or I'll outline the star on my stomach, and I can still feel how uneven my skin is. Or just stare at my arms.. And just wait for tonight, to continue my romance with the razor
|16 Aug 2004||andrew||hey. im not feeling so bad right now cos im on a high. i spent a few days in my room thinking everything was going to shit but coming out after that everything feels good. its like nothing is as bad as i thought. its always like that after ive been really depressed and i love it. doesnt last long though. maybe thats what normal people feel like.|