Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

Nom/email
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
13 May 2005 Jessy Im 15 and have tryed to commit suicide but people found out both times.First ill give you backround.Two years ago I realized my dad was cheating on my wonderful mother and she does nothing about it. This past December my best friend commited suicide she ahd 4 children who were also like family to me.That broke me down.I was cutting my wrist before that though i found that wasnt very effective.My mom kept catching me so she sent me to a therapist well that didnt do much cuz right after the session I took pills round the house i really thought this was it wrote a suicide not and everything but yet again I failed at my attempt and then my father cussed me and my mom out for no reason ill prolly try a few more times just need better ideas
11 May 2005 Jane Well, this is a nifty page if I've ever seen one. Like many people here, I have depression and for various reasons.
I was raped when I was thirteen, I'm now sixteen, and can barely remember what happened. Though, sometimes I'll have flashbacks or nightmares, which make feel really sick, both physically and emotionally.
Ever since it happened my parents have turned against me. They call me horrible things and I've gone through some abuse.
I no longer can find myself in a relationship, which girls younger than I am have had plenty that have been long lasting. My relationships only last for so long. I think my longest this year has been two weeks, which is astonishing. Though I have friends, I don't have very many good friends. In fact, most think that I am whore. I'm not sure how I was handed that title....I've only had sex once and that was rape, so it doesn't really make sense. At least, it doesn't make sense to me. There's even more bad things I could point out, but I rather not make this to long of an entry.
Anyways, as most on the site, I have flaunted with suicide more than once.
I've tried pills three times....the most it ever did was cause me to be really sick for a few days. I've tried shooting myself, but I found myself too chicken shit and to weak to pull the trigger, and I've tried hanging. Though a "friend" found me and pulled me down.
These failed attempts just caused me more pain and troble. I've been institutionalized more than once, and that sucks!
So, now, what I do to get over it is anorexia. It's the best, really!
You have control over yourself and people are always complementing me on how skinny and small I am. It makes me happy.
I'll die eventually and this is a sure way to speed up the process.
09 May 2005 Revelation I've dropped in depression before and i've been suicidal. I've cut my wrists, slashed my arms, smashed my head against walls and punched any object which could possibly draw blood. I have not only used knives but other objects which all seem to have a different effect of freedom and relief.

But i am proud to say i have overcome that feeling of nothing and how no one cares. Although my circumstances at home are not like everyone else i hold my head high and smile. I am a christian and i have found a meaning to live. I love life and i love God, it wasn't easy getting out of depression.

I turned against my friends, family and even myself. But despite everything i threw away i found myself not content with the fact that I was the one stopping myself from becoming the person i could be.

I've planned my death before, i even began the typical poem writing of death. You know... honestly... we are so YOUNG! There is a whole life out there that we are only just starting to see. I am 16 and if your younger than me i tell you now, don't throw your life away like no one cares. God loves you and so do i.

If anyone wants to talk them send me an email. I know what it's like and i never want to go down that road again because it's not worth it. Life is too good when you have God by your side.

Come on guys, my mum died when i was 9 years old. Everyone thought i didn't understand so they didn't pay me any attension. I knew everything, i saw years of pain and suffering. I endured hell and i still am till this day i am suffering from the effects of a loved one close to me.

I am a victim of someone who has died, it wasn't her choice either. But you have no idea what your actions do to other people.

Dead isn't the answer.
08 May 2005 anonomous Is suicide the only way you can see forward? no it isnt, there are other paths. Im 16 and i live in a house were favouritism is a major problem. my mom prefers my brother more than me, and he gets worshipped, not his fault tho. in the meanwhile, mum finds things to start on me with, which usually ends up with her tellin me how bad i am, how im a disgrace, how shes ashamed, how im a mistake, picking up on any little thing i do wrong and exploting it to seem 10 times worse. this has been happenein since i was about 13, and i have no confidence, and i do hate myself because of what my mom says. She hasnt been speaking to me for a week and two days, because she went to far with the insults, and it hurts like hell. it may not be physicall, but after time it starts to get u down and shes convinced me im an awful person. I have, many a time, considered suicide, once i drank 2 bottles of paracetamol but infortunatly i didnt suceed, as i am writing now. i may be physically alive, but emotionally she has destroyed me totally. i cant think of another thing i can do, i do everything in my power ti please her, do the shopping cleaning up, serve her hand and foot, my bro just plays video games in his room all day, yet it is me who is awful. i have bad dyslexia, and thats a shame on the family, im gunna be nothing wen i grow up, im pathetic, im stupid im no use, she even critises when i help, she goes "oooh so u helped big fucking deal" and i dont no what to do.But i have 6 close friends who care for me, and these are the only people who i have in this life as the rest of the family just copy mum and call me names, dad sometimes goes as far as calling me a dirty whoare/dog/bitch, and it has severly depressed me. i cant concentrate on anything because i jus sleep all day crying because i cant stand life. but theres nothing i can do about them, so i try and concentrate on the life i have away from them because of the heartache they have caused me to suffer. so dont commit suicide, there is always another way, seriously. try ure best and think positive if possible, i no its hard because i know because i have serious depression. but there is always another way, please font take ure life, we only get one life, this is ure only chance dont waste it please. xxxxxxxxx
07 May 2005 Mr. Valentine Well ive tried to kill myself and i failed, i went car surfing at 60 mph and smashed my head and had brain surgery, im still alive and more depressed. Next i drank way to much and got alochol posioning and didnt die, and i was pissed. Then my girlfriend dumped me so i tried to gut myself with a knife and my friends stoped me so i cried like a pussy. Im planning on drinking toilet bowl cleaner after sniffing asbestos while putting lead paint under my skin. or ill just go all out and fucking sit in the garadge with the car running. or maybe ill just drench myself with gasoline and lite myself on fire and burn in pain who knows depends how drunk i get.
06 May 2005 shawn-tay my life is such a wreck. i just want to die.
my x wife, misty, has custody of our daughter, lauren. after we split it all went down hill. i started doing drugs and drinking. i started sleeping with hookers and now I have H.I.V. the doctors given me 2-3 years to live. who wants to die like that? i am tring to fight for custody of my daughter but when i was a small child my father molested me and i am afraid if i am alone with her i will molest her as well.

its obvious. i am a pathetic loser who is a sneak and a habitual liar. i lie to con people to bend to my will. i am ashamed to even think about how i have lived previously and treated people. i have decided that it will be best for myself and socioty to just commit suicide.

good bye world.
04 May 2005 Louis im 11 but im been tring to commit suicide since i was 8 and im still tring ive been over dosing my self with any pills i find inside the house i even feed myself rat killers. Look im not telling any one to copy me so dont cause i ended up in hospital and im scared for life by tring to jump of a bridge. the reason im doing this cause i fucked up my life and my mom and dad brok up and i never knew him
02 May 2005 chrissy i dunno wat to say, im not gonna encourage ppl to do the 'deed', but here's wat i have to say...ok well my lyf isnt as bad as the pplz on this syt, but like i dunno.im 14 and i've been depressed since i was about 11, but things have gotten really bad this year, i mean i went to a new skool and now they see me for me, the way i am, depressed.a few months ago i crushed a glass in my hand and i had to go to hospital for that, i have butterfly stitches on my arm from cutting myself and i have to take antipsycotics, to help with my depression, alot of my frends are depressed and that doesnt help, ive almost commited suicide a couple of times, and yer, i have to see loads of counselour ppl but nothings seems to work, im close to going to hospital and things just keep getting worse, my mum thinks things are getting better, but they're not.i dont no wat to do ani more!
01 May 2005 Rachael Hi my name is Rachael i am now 14 but when i was 11 i started to try to kill my self i stoped going to school and now i am dumb from all the drugs and beer i drink and pout in to my boody i have trd to cut my wrists at school in the tolets but my friend came in and whent to get a teacher i blackd out and there was blood every where but i chold still hear every 1 crying and screaming it is not nice
01 May 2005 jason I was thinking to myself, why the fuck that I get this deadly disease called Depression. This fucking thing is the cause of all these shit that is eating my flesh and drawing my blood. Its worse that AIDS, cuz u don’t know why the fuck u get so fucked up without any known deadly virus. 3 hours ago, I was laying on my bed crying and praying, and again I wanted to kill myself, this time OD on drugs, found 70pills, but didn’t do it, now here I am. Depression cause me to be an idiot, I forget everything I did, I cant stand still, I cant be around anyone, I felt that they will be thinking I am an idiot, I cant hold a conversation with anyone, cuz my mind is going so slow and dumb. I look ugly and shit. I became bad mannered and always piss people of with my stupid tone and talk. Been like this for 4 months now, depression can make one lose their mind and be an idiot, how cant I be crazy when my mind kept thinking of how fucked up everything is every day. Well I am sure you understand what I mean. Depression really eats up ur brain. Just finished my BA degree from Calstate and now acting like an idiot. I am sure I am the worst case here. My advice is don’t let Depression eat up ur brain, take control of the chatterbox inside you. Believe in what GOD lays ahead for you, keep praying like I do cuz he will never leave us alone. I Believe in him, GOD bless you.Remeber friends COMMIT SUICIDE=GO TO HELL. u can email me if u wanna talk nurdin4@hotmail.com goodbye my friends, life can be beautiful with GOD beside you.
29 Apr 2005 mickey this will be relatively long, but please read it if you want.

hey. i have left a message here before. like ages ago but that doesn't really matter. i'll just sort of introduce myself again.

i left my bit on the 22nd of march 2004. short sharp and shiny. but i didnt go.

look, when i wrote what i did i was really down and really about to go. but i made the mistake of leaving my email address here so some lovely people with nothing better to do emailed me and have kept me here so far. surely, they have better things to do!!

all i can say is that i do not condone, but i do not encourage, suicide now. i stil have 'attacks' of depression and suicidal feelings, and even when i am happy i still wish i was dead. even now, right now, i want out but i wont....yet.

if you believe you have a tortured life, are beyond any help and 'fixing', have absolutely no-one who will care for you or miss you, know that it will be better for you AND others here...then i would say go for it...but only as a last resort. i say that because there is ALMOST always someone in thw world who loves you.

life deals its harsh cards. and there are some very harsh ones. there are very limited happy cards, so it is easy to see the dark side of life. but thats how it always is. there has to be something, at least ONE, that you are happy with in life...the small windows of happiness. they are not numerous, but focus on them.

however if you are beyond 'repair', a gun is a pain the the ass to acquire so i guess a kitchen knife is best. or jumping infront of a semi truck on a highway at night. what i want to do is go to the local reserviour and jump off and hit the hard ground over 100 meters below.

but please, if you go, call the best friend you had to come to the place and retrieve the letter you left. a letter will tell them your last thoughts, and anything you want them to do. but please, just call them, say everything then hang up before they can answer and turn it off and go...but leave a note for him/her or many people for the friend to distribute. at least do that much.

people ridicule us for being like this. but death is a path in life, and one we will all take eventually. dont you see!? no matter what we achieve in life; whether we are rich, poor, thin, big, french or hungarian....we will all die one day and all that we have achieved will have been for nothing!! so what is the point? is there one?

so please people who riducule us, TRY to put yourselves in our shoes.

i love my friends. but they would all be so much better off without me in their lfie holding them down. they say they care, but theres been too many occasions where ive managed to easilly slip away at parties etc. next time maybe i will have a knife and go and do it for good. they dont really care about us, just how they will feel when we go.

look at these lyrics:

I made this bed
I choose to lie in it
And live with my regrets
I sleep with what I said
Could this be the end
Am I standing on the edge
Of everything I wanted now

I was afraid
I was afraid

And maybe I'm just scared
To face the things I feel
It's easier to walk away from everything

Separate my soul
With all the things we shared
I'm fallin' to pieces now
Say a prayer for me
When you go to bed
I'm in need of your faith now

I was afraid

And maybe I'm just scared
To face the things I feel
Its easier to walk away from everything

If we could just reset
And live in happiness
Instead of our regrets
We set a mile away
Set me free a mile away

Pray for me now
I'm in need of faith
Pray for me now
I'm in need

And maybe I'm just scared
To face the things I feel
Its easier to walk away from everything

If we could just reset
And live in happiness
Instead of our regrets
We set a mile away.

And maybe I'm just scared
To face the things I feel
Its easier to walk away from everything
Walk away from everything
Walk away from everything

-- walk away by good charlotte

me again. it is easier to walk away. and many of us are indeed on the edge of it.

people dont care, no-one does. i'll tell you about how exactly my school fucked my life right up.

i was really down then. cuttin in class with compass etc. one of my 'friends' told the school counsellor about me and the school said that if i didnt see the counsellor they would call my parents. blackmail, but i agreed. and it fucked me up even more so i told the guy to effectivly go away. my friend/s took away trust (i hardly trust anyone anymore). that was the biggest blow. the school tried to mess where they have no right. so f*** them. (i dunno if swearin is allowed on this forum).

theres an example. the friend/s thought they were doing 'what was best for me', when in fact they chucked me further into the Pit of Depression. i was climbing out, and they chucked me so deep that i just cannot get out.

i will always be in there. depression is now forever a part of me. i get upset for no apparent reason.

depression destroys you. its always there, eating away. and it wont stop until its destroyed you...until you destroy yourself. -- excerpt from 'Life' by Michael Brown (me)

and these people call us selfish for wanting out!! all they care about is themselves. i'll leave it here.

please feel free to contact me if you want to.
25 Apr 2005 steph hi, im 15 and i hate my life. when i was 12 my father tried to kill me by strangling me...my mother just stood there and watched. the worst thing about that is the look he was giving me before i passed out...ill never forget that look, its forever scarred in my mind. im afraid for my life because of my father and no one understands it because anytime someone comes over my parents put on their 'guest face' big joke huh. heres just a few of the many things that have fucked up my life...i was goin out with this guy and i fell in love with him, like really in love, then he broke up with me for the reason that "he didnt want to have to worry about another person" then four days later my best friend started going out with him after i told her that he was my ex and she said "oh, im so sorry i didnt know im not going near him again" tow seconds later they were off in the corner makin out. then started cutting my wrists and everytime i did i would try to get it deeper the next time, sort of like a competition. no-one gets why people cut their wrists and its fuckin annoying, i mean its like the blood you draw when you cut ur wrists is like all the pain just draining out of you...
i o.d on all these pills i found around the house and passed out but woke up so it all failed. then my mum found out i cut my wrists and then my dad comes in and starts goin off at me yellin "thats pathetic, why dont you get that big butchers knife over there and ill slit ur wrists for you!!" so that made me really depressed. then i started sneakin out to meet other people and then my mum found out about that too, and my dad strangled me for that as well. So i started slittling my wrists more and my mum found out again so she took me to the idiot doctor who diagnosed me with depression. yeah, like i couldnt have told you that. but most of my friends dont know about it coz i hide it all and they think im this happy person with such a great life, yeah right...in hell.
23 Apr 2005 Armon Ok I really think that anyone and everyone in this forum should listen to this message.
I have tried to commit suicide four times. On my last occasion, I was hit by a truck, and was paralazed waist down, and it snapped my neck. You will realize that after having a near death experience (NDE) when you want it is much better than when you don't. I am now hospitalized for life, and have already asked and tried to pull the plug on myself. They sent me a phyciatrist, and he asked me only one simple question, Why? I answered the truth, the reason all of us think this: Life has fucked us, and if we die we can start over. I have no reason for life, it has never given me anything. Now im sitting here righting this, alone, and I CAN pull the plug. But now Im thinking, I have so much more to LIVE! Why stop now and fuck it all up! I need to know what love is and all that bullshit that you hear in movies. Maybe it fucking corny but its true. I feel that I need to do things. I haven't had sex yet, I haven't been shot yet, I haven't done Ectesy yet (I have tried to O.D. on heroine before) and finally I haven't had children. Life is about giving something. What will I give in return to my family if I commit suicide besides thousands of dollars in a medical bill. So now I've chosen to give life one more chance. Try this. Once you commit suicide, there is no turning back...
20 Apr 2005 bianca im 14 and it all started this year when ppl kind of just decided to turn against me so i had no friends then i went to a party and was raped by four huys then my mum found out i snuk out i got really depressed so i jst foun heaps of pills and o.d at school then i got really depressed and started slitting then i had to brake up with my boyfriend because my perents told me to i started to become anorexic and slittin more and takin more pills now i am calle dslitter and a slut at school and i dont want to do it anymore i hvavnt tried suicide but soon it will happen some one will just go to far.....
20 Apr 2005 Sally What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13? Tough question. I would say wait and see if it gets better first. Life is hard when you have no control over it. It gets easier when you move out and start doing things on your own. When you gain a modicum of independence, self-worth. Then, if things don't get better, do what I'm gonna do tomorrow.

I had the perfect life. Perfect job, perfect home, my own car, engaged to an awesome sweet guy. Then I met some guy at work. He made more money in one month than I made in one year. Imagine that... His year to date income is at $65,000 already. Don't commit suicide yet, just to see if you can succeed that much. This guy fucked his mom up, made her a cripple. He was driving the family's speedboat too fast and crashed. Almost killed her. He was 15. He was strong enough through the guilt and the pain to survive. My fiance at the time rolled his lifted truck the day before we met. Sent 4 of his friends to the hospital and he now has a massive scar on his left hand where they had to stitch up the hamburger-like meat of his road-rashed arm. He was 17 and almost killed his friends and himself. He was strong enough to make it through the guilt and the pain. I was stupid and believed the pitch the rich boy sold me, and I left my fiance, my home, everything... I had 2 cats, 2 dogs, and a turtle named Herbie with my fiance. Rich Boy took me to Vegas, bought me everything... I remember in one day spending almost $800 at one mall. He bought me diamond earings, pendants, and a diamond ring. I gave him his ring back this morning. I am at my mom and dad's now. It's been less than 2 months since I left my fiance, but of course, there's no hope of going back. I fucked that one up pretty good. Amazing. I was always the successful child of four. Beloved, expected to do wonders... 4.0, Honor Roll, graduated with honors... and now I am jobless, (they fired me at work when they found out I was immoral enough to leave my fiance of 4 years and get with their money-making employee.), homeless, alone, and judged. That's the worst part. Because you want people to know what's going on, that you don't think you can make it, but you don't need them to judge. f they judge... the conversation is over. So, I am going to my fiance's house tomorrow to pick up some mail. (We've made friends, but he's seeing someone else. No chance for me.) I still have a key. I'll say hi to my doggies, bye to my kitties, and pat the turtle. Then I'll take his .45. Just borrow it, you know? I'm sure the cops will return it when they're done. I won't do it at the house, cause I don't want him to clean up that kind of mess. That would be unkind. So I'll figure out where tomorrow. See what kind of oppurtunities present themselves. I'm not even crying anymore. Been dry-eyed a while now. Just set on the plan. Sad thing is, I think I'm pregnant. It will be the third child I've lost. My fiance's loss I guess. I'll be gone too. I'm only 21. It's so relieving to know that tomorrow all the pain goes away. No more stress or worries. I'll just be a meal for the worms. No Heaven or Hell. Just peace. Goodbye y'all. Hope it works out for you.
19 Apr 2005 laura im from england. wheni was three i was sexually abused by my grandad, when i was nine my parents split up and when i was thirteen i was raped by my boyfriend. what a purfect start to life huh. i have tryed to commit suicide three times and each time was found by friends. first i tryed to overdose, then slit my wrists and then overdosed again and the funny thing is that each time people never thought anything was wrong. i just want to be helped. depression has consumed me all my life and i just want out. i cut myself all the time that helps, each cut i feel free. ive had a poem published about it all and won an award thats why im giving a fake name
'lost inside'

she lay there feeling frozen
her ice heart melting inside
theres no one there,no one to care
thats why she wants to hide

away from all the lying bodies
that hurt and put her down
a release she needs she has to bleed
in blood she wants to drown

unwanted she swims alone in sadness not knowing what to do
shes lost inside she trys to hide but shes hollow through and through
maybe now she will be helped

dont bother steraling it because its already out lol
19 Apr 2005 william.. hey. im 13. ive overdosed. ive cut. i fell in love. ive loved her for about a year now. she broke my heart. yeah its not as bad as u guys have had it i guess..but..i dont want to live no more. she is my reason for living. but now. i give up. she cares about me and all but.. i cant go on everyday having this feeling inside of me.. ppl say its going to leave saying ill get over it. but look at me. im not going to i love her. shes my reason for breathing. i give up. anbd after the summer is over im never going to see her again. if i dont make it un awkward for us to talk. so im going to kill myself. taking sum beers. taking the pills. going to the woods. and ill die. alone. and nowhere. i love her. i carved her name into my arm.. well.. i hope everything gets better. which it prolly wont. ..
15 Apr 2005 Kerri-Ann I don't really know what's the best way to kill yourself....My problems are not as grandious and some others that have posted something....Sometimes I sit around and wonder what would happen if I took a whole bottle of opium based pain reliever pills that depress your respirations until you completely stop breathing.....I did this 2 days ago and also last week.....I have been suicidal now for 5 years....I am now 18 and tryna get my life together....everything was going great....I just got my nursing license.....and I was ready to move on from my suicide attempts....and then shit started getting fucked and my nursing career could be over before it even started...how fucking great is that?.....well I dont' know why but I can't trust anyone....everyone is a bunch of assholes and always have an alterior motive.....people lie and scheme and when you think they are there for you...when you fucking need them tha most they leave and call you crazy instead.....I'm not crazy i'm more incontact with this world and the next than most people would dream of....I try my best to stop thinking about death and killing myself but everytime I try it just pops back up in my head.....I hate myself...I hate everything about me....from my hair down to my toes....and eveyone always says but ur sooooo pretty y do u think ur ugly....too me it's not my skin that i see it's me inside....it's what I feel that's ugly and because of that I can't see myself...I can't remember what I look like sometimes but I always remember that i', ugly because that's how I feel.....I want so bad to not be normal cause there is no such thing as normal but average....someone who doesnt indulge themselves onto websites like this...and dont constantly think of death....when i'm driving I try my best to prevent myself from killing myself....there is this certain overpass that you cross over on the highway and if you hit it at the right speed you could go right of the edge and plummet to the highway underneath....I think about that everytime I pass...I've also contemplated veering off to the side and hitting another car doing like 100 but I don't want to kill anyone else just myself....I told my dad the other day that I was going to kill myself...and you know what he said?....that's not my problem....damn...fucked up huh....made me want to do it even more....3 weeks ago i called my little sister, older sister, and the love of my life that I loved them but I couldn't do it anymore....I told them to not call me back cause I wasnt going to answer....I layed in my bed staring at the ceiling with a razor blade in my hand waiting for something miraculous to happpen and prove to me that this wasn't the way to go....it never came but in that moment I didnt go through with it....I cried and cried and cried but I couldn't go through with....aint that funny waiting for someone else to come save me and i end up saving my damn self....when I talk to other people they seem to have shit so clear in their head...like they have everything worked out...but to me it's like I can see inside of me and there is nothing but mass confusion....like I'm not whole....like i'm under-construction or some shit....wierd...my mom once told me she wish she never had me...my own mother...I try to forget about it sometimes but it's hard...I try to do my best and prove to her that I'm worth being alive but how can i when i dont even believe it myself....she told me this when I went through my gay phase...I thought maybe the reason y i didnt feel whole was because i wasnt living my life they way it should have been lived....Most of my life i'll say from when I was 7 or 8 i've found myself thinking of other girls....but then when i was 16 i acted on and it and it made the whole situation worse...and at that point in my life I never like i wanted to kill myself more....and I did try 5 times...my friends thought I was crazy so some of them distance themselves....but whateva....right now i'm in love with this guy .....my world revolves around him but even though this is so...i still feel the need 2 kill myself...well if anyone wants to talk to me feel free to e-mail me at nurseprac2b@yahoo.com i'm always ready to listen and as you know i damn sure know how to talk....
14 Apr 2005 Connor hey, my name is Connor and Im 13 right now. well, i think about suicide alot, when i was a little kid, i would sit on my bed in my room listening to my parents scream at eachother, my dad would push my mom around and i think he hit her once, by the time i was 5 my dad was whipping me with a big leather workout belt. When i was 10 he starting making me humiliate myself when he did that by making me take off my pants and underwear and having me lean over his bed in his room, where he would whip for awhile. Now he is like, uber religious and he had me going to this christian school. Whenever i would mess up on something it would be the whipping, he also gave me a fat lip, hit me in the head with a cloths hanger and through me across the hallway, he would mentally abuse me too, now im one of those guys that just cant seem to lose weight and its not something im proud of, he would tell me things like im a fat selfish pig and that he shouldnt feed me, so maybe id look a little better. Well anyways, he beat me up a few time, i mean he would start in the car, rapping his arm across the seat and into my stomach and chest. then when we got inside he would take me to the basement and push me down, he would then start kicking me in the back and hitting me in the face. well, finally i told me real mom(my parents are divorced and i called the police on him) i dont think i have ever felt as free as i did when that happened. Its just a feeling of triumph, listen, i seriously contemplated suicide, many times, i ended holding a knife to my throat one night after a beating. but the only thing that stopped me was my other family and the fact that, come on, anyone can do great things, everyone has a future, dont you wanna see that future? now dont get me wrong, i think about suicide, what teenager dosent? but just think about all that, and if your family does still love, imagine how much you will hurt them, the world dosent hate you, you can find help, someone is always willing to help, especially teenager and below.
09 Apr 2005 lost When I was nine I tried to do away with my life because I lived with a mother who physically and mentally abused me.
I was lucky that my attempt to do so was a complete utter failure...

At age 16 both my parents abandoned me in the most crappiest town in Detroit. They left because my father was being sued and rather than getting a lawyer and fighting it he chose to "protect" his money rather than being there for me.
I have been through sooo much stuff in my life that I never stopped to take it all in. My counselor said that I'm going through a post traumatic period in my life (now at age 31!)
i always believed that i could be something so I ended up going to college and here I am a "non traditional" student in the midst of graduating so that I can become an educator and inspire 13 year olds to savor there lives and be all they can be.

I'ts been hard though because I am now just beginning to deal with my past (i had to) in order for me to stay stong.

I know what it feels like to want to die but I know that I truly want to LIVE and enjoy the life I was soo fortunate enough to be given.

Think about it this way, think about how bad your life could've been if your were born somewhere else worse off than where you are now.. you could've been born to migrant workere that have no choice than to help their parents pick vegetables and fruits in the fields or you could've been born a few years ago to iraqi parents beeing bombed everyday..

The point is that you were at least fortunate enough to be born here in the U.S. as a U.S. citizen where you ALWAYS have a choice..
Please don't give up! Life IS to short as it is already.
What i've been doing is expressing myelf through art and writing. It truly helps even though I don't consider myself a good artist. It helps! try anything you can but please don't take it out on yourself!! you don't deserve that..
good luck to everyone.
love,
lost

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