Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
23 Apr 2005 Armon Ok I really think that anyone and everyone in this forum should listen to this message.
I have tried to commit suicide four times. On my last occasion, I was hit by a truck, and was paralazed waist down, and it snapped my neck. You will realize that after having a near death experience (NDE) when you want it is much better than when you don't. I am now hospitalized for life, and have already asked and tried to pull the plug on myself. They sent me a phyciatrist, and he asked me only one simple question, Why? I answered the truth, the reason all of us think this: Life has fucked us, and if we die we can start over. I have no reason for life, it has never given me anything. Now im sitting here righting this, alone, and I CAN pull the plug. But now Im thinking, I have so much more to LIVE! Why stop now and fuck it all up! I need to know what love is and all that bullshit that you hear in movies. Maybe it fucking corny but its true. I feel that I need to do things. I haven't had sex yet, I haven't been shot yet, I haven't done Ectesy yet (I have tried to O.D. on heroine before) and finally I haven't had children. Life is about giving something. What will I give in return to my family if I commit suicide besides thousands of dollars in a medical bill. So now I've chosen to give life one more chance. Try this. Once you commit suicide, there is no turning back...
20 Apr 2005 bianca im 14 and it all started this year when ppl kind of just decided to turn against me so i had no friends then i went to a party and was raped by four huys then my mum found out i snuk out i got really depressed so i jst foun heaps of pills and o.d at school then i got really depressed and started slitting then i had to brake up with my boyfriend because my perents told me to i started to become anorexic and slittin more and takin more pills now i am calle dslitter and a slut at school and i dont want to do it anymore i hvavnt tried suicide but soon it will happen some one will just go to far.....
20 Apr 2005 Sally What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13? Tough question. I would say wait and see if it gets better first. Life is hard when you have no control over it. It gets easier when you move out and start doing things on your own. When you gain a modicum of independence, self-worth. Then, if things don't get better, do what I'm gonna do tomorrow.

I had the perfect life. Perfect job, perfect home, my own car, engaged to an awesome sweet guy. Then I met some guy at work. He made more money in one month than I made in one year. Imagine that... His year to date income is at $65,000 already. Don't commit suicide yet, just to see if you can succeed that much. This guy fucked his mom up, made her a cripple. He was driving the family's speedboat too fast and crashed. Almost killed her. He was 15. He was strong enough through the guilt and the pain to survive. My fiance at the time rolled his lifted truck the day before we met. Sent 4 of his friends to the hospital and he now has a massive scar on his left hand where they had to stitch up the hamburger-like meat of his road-rashed arm. He was 17 and almost killed his friends and himself. He was strong enough to make it through the guilt and the pain. I was stupid and believed the pitch the rich boy sold me, and I left my fiance, my home, everything... I had 2 cats, 2 dogs, and a turtle named Herbie with my fiance. Rich Boy took me to Vegas, bought me everything... I remember in one day spending almost $800 at one mall. He bought me diamond earings, pendants, and a diamond ring. I gave him his ring back this morning. I am at my mom and dad's now. It's been less than 2 months since I left my fiance, but of course, there's no hope of going back. I fucked that one up pretty good. Amazing. I was always the successful child of four. Beloved, expected to do wonders... 4.0, Honor Roll, graduated with honors... and now I am jobless, (they fired me at work when they found out I was immoral enough to leave my fiance of 4 years and get with their money-making employee.), homeless, alone, and judged. That's the worst part. Because you want people to know what's going on, that you don't think you can make it, but you don't need them to judge. f they judge... the conversation is over. So, I am going to my fiance's house tomorrow to pick up some mail. (We've made friends, but he's seeing someone else. No chance for me.) I still have a key. I'll say hi to my doggies, bye to my kitties, and pat the turtle. Then I'll take his .45. Just borrow it, you know? I'm sure the cops will return it when they're done. I won't do it at the house, cause I don't want him to clean up that kind of mess. That would be unkind. So I'll figure out where tomorrow. See what kind of oppurtunities present themselves. I'm not even crying anymore. Been dry-eyed a while now. Just set on the plan. Sad thing is, I think I'm pregnant. It will be the third child I've lost. My fiance's loss I guess. I'll be gone too. I'm only 21. It's so relieving to know that tomorrow all the pain goes away. No more stress or worries. I'll just be a meal for the worms. No Heaven or Hell. Just peace. Goodbye y'all. Hope it works out for you.
19 Apr 2005 laura im from england. wheni was three i was sexually abused by my grandad, when i was nine my parents split up and when i was thirteen i was raped by my boyfriend. what a purfect start to life huh. i have tryed to commit suicide three times and each time was found by friends. first i tryed to overdose, then slit my wrists and then overdosed again and the funny thing is that each time people never thought anything was wrong. i just want to be helped. depression has consumed me all my life and i just want out. i cut myself all the time that helps, each cut i feel free. ive had a poem published about it all and won an award thats why im giving a fake name
'lost inside'

she lay there feeling frozen
her ice heart melting inside
theres no one there,no one to care
thats why she wants to hide

away from all the lying bodies
that hurt and put her down
a release she needs she has to bleed
in blood she wants to drown

unwanted she swims alone in sadness not knowing what to do
shes lost inside she trys to hide but shes hollow through and through
maybe now she will be helped

dont bother steraling it because its already out lol
19 Apr 2005 william.. hey. im 13. ive overdosed. ive cut. i fell in love. ive loved her for about a year now. she broke my heart. yeah its not as bad as u guys have had it i guess..but..i dont want to live no more. she is my reason for living. but now. i give up. she cares about me and all but.. i cant go on everyday having this feeling inside of me.. ppl say its going to leave saying ill get over it. but look at me. im not going to i love her. shes my reason for breathing. i give up. anbd after the summer is over im never going to see her again. if i dont make it un awkward for us to talk. so im going to kill myself. taking sum beers. taking the pills. going to the woods. and ill die. alone. and nowhere. i love her. i carved her name into my arm.. well.. i hope everything gets better. which it prolly wont. ..
15 Apr 2005 Kerri-Ann I don't really know what's the best way to kill yourself....My problems are not as grandious and some others that have posted something....Sometimes I sit around and wonder what would happen if I took a whole bottle of opium based pain reliever pills that depress your respirations until you completely stop breathing.....I did this 2 days ago and also last week.....I have been suicidal now for 5 years....I am now 18 and tryna get my life together....everything was going great....I just got my nursing license.....and I was ready to move on from my suicide attempts....and then shit started getting fucked and my nursing career could be over before it even fucking great is that?.....well I dont' know why but I can't trust anyone....everyone is a bunch of assholes and always have an alterior motive.....people lie and scheme and when you think they are there for you...when you fucking need them tha most they leave and call you crazy instead.....I'm not crazy i'm more incontact with this world and the next than most people would dream of....I try my best to stop thinking about death and killing myself but everytime I try it just pops back up in my head.....I hate myself...I hate everything about me....from my hair down to my toes....and eveyone always says but ur sooooo pretty y do u think ur ugly....too me it's not my skin that i see it's me's what I feel that's ugly and because of that I can't see myself...I can't remember what I look like sometimes but I always remember that i', ugly because that's how I feel.....I want so bad to not be normal cause there is no such thing as normal but average....someone who doesnt indulge themselves onto websites like this...and dont constantly think of death....when i'm driving I try my best to prevent myself from killing myself....there is this certain overpass that you cross over on the highway and if you hit it at the right speed you could go right of the edge and plummet to the highway underneath....I think about that everytime I pass...I've also contemplated veering off to the side and hitting another car doing like 100 but I don't want to kill anyone else just myself....I told my dad the other day that I was going to kill myself...and you know what he said?....that's not my problem....damn...fucked up huh....made me want to do it even more....3 weeks ago i called my little sister, older sister, and the love of my life that I loved them but I couldn't do it anymore....I told them to not call me back cause I wasnt going to answer....I layed in my bed staring at the ceiling with a razor blade in my hand waiting for something miraculous to happpen and prove to me that this wasn't the way to never came but in that moment I didnt go through with it....I cried and cried and cried but I couldn't go through with....aint that funny waiting for someone else to come save me and i end up saving my damn self....when I talk to other people they seem to have shit so clear in their they have everything worked out...but to me it's like I can see inside of me and there is nothing but mass I'm not i'm under-construction or some mom once told me she wish she never had own mother...I try to forget about it sometimes but it's hard...I try to do my best and prove to her that I'm worth being alive but how can i when i dont even believe it myself....she told me this when I went through my gay phase...I thought maybe the reason y i didnt feel whole was because i wasnt living my life they way it should have been lived....Most of my life i'll say from when I was 7 or 8 i've found myself thinking of other girls....but then when i was 16 i acted on and it and it made the whole situation worse...and at that point in my life I never like i wanted to kill myself more....and I did try 5 friends thought I was crazy so some of them distance themselves....but whateva....right now i'm in love with this guy world revolves around him but even though this is so...i still feel the need 2 kill myself...well if anyone wants to talk to me feel free to e-mail me at i'm always ready to listen and as you know i damn sure know how to talk....
14 Apr 2005 Connor hey, my name is Connor and Im 13 right now. well, i think about suicide alot, when i was a little kid, i would sit on my bed in my room listening to my parents scream at eachother, my dad would push my mom around and i think he hit her once, by the time i was 5 my dad was whipping me with a big leather workout belt. When i was 10 he starting making me humiliate myself when he did that by making me take off my pants and underwear and having me lean over his bed in his room, where he would whip for awhile. Now he is like, uber religious and he had me going to this christian school. Whenever i would mess up on something it would be the whipping, he also gave me a fat lip, hit me in the head with a cloths hanger and through me across the hallway, he would mentally abuse me too, now im one of those guys that just cant seem to lose weight and its not something im proud of, he would tell me things like im a fat selfish pig and that he shouldnt feed me, so maybe id look a little better. Well anyways, he beat me up a few time, i mean he would start in the car, rapping his arm across the seat and into my stomach and chest. then when we got inside he would take me to the basement and push me down, he would then start kicking me in the back and hitting me in the face. well, finally i told me real mom(my parents are divorced and i called the police on him) i dont think i have ever felt as free as i did when that happened. Its just a feeling of triumph, listen, i seriously contemplated suicide, many times, i ended holding a knife to my throat one night after a beating. but the only thing that stopped me was my other family and the fact that, come on, anyone can do great things, everyone has a future, dont you wanna see that future? now dont get me wrong, i think about suicide, what teenager dosent? but just think about all that, and if your family does still love, imagine how much you will hurt them, the world dosent hate you, you can find help, someone is always willing to help, especially teenager and below.
09 Apr 2005 lost When I was nine I tried to do away with my life because I lived with a mother who physically and mentally abused me.
I was lucky that my attempt to do so was a complete utter failure...

At age 16 both my parents abandoned me in the most crappiest town in Detroit. They left because my father was being sued and rather than getting a lawyer and fighting it he chose to "protect" his money rather than being there for me.
I have been through sooo much stuff in my life that I never stopped to take it all in. My counselor said that I'm going through a post traumatic period in my life (now at age 31!)
i always believed that i could be something so I ended up going to college and here I am a "non traditional" student in the midst of graduating so that I can become an educator and inspire 13 year olds to savor there lives and be all they can be.

I'ts been hard though because I am now just beginning to deal with my past (i had to) in order for me to stay stong.

I know what it feels like to want to die but I know that I truly want to LIVE and enjoy the life I was soo fortunate enough to be given.

Think about it this way, think about how bad your life could've been if your were born somewhere else worse off than where you are now.. you could've been born to migrant workere that have no choice than to help their parents pick vegetables and fruits in the fields or you could've been born a few years ago to iraqi parents beeing bombed everyday..

The point is that you were at least fortunate enough to be born here in the U.S. as a U.S. citizen where you ALWAYS have a choice..
Please don't give up! Life IS to short as it is already.
What i've been doing is expressing myelf through art and writing. It truly helps even though I don't consider myself a good artist. It helps! try anything you can but please don't take it out on yourself!! you don't deserve that..
good luck to everyone.
08 Apr 2005 Nathalie Bonjour,
Je suis Nathalie, voici mon histoire: Quand j'avais 5 ans, ma mère m'a laissé sur le trotoire au centre-ville. Une adolescente qui avait 17 ans, m'a pris comme enfant à ses côtés. On habitait dans la rue, cela n'a pas été facile tout les jours... Un jour son chum ( il aussi était dans la rue je le considérait comme mon père) s'est fait battre à mort par des gangs de rues. J'avais 12 ans, cela faisais près de 5 ans que lui et ma mère (adoptive) se fréquentait. Ils était pour se marier, quand ils auraient de l'argent.
Mais un soir d'hiver deux jours après la mort de mon ''père''. Ma mère m'a pris la main et m'a dis d'être forte... Qu'elle était pour partir longtemp. Elle est parti partiquement nue, m'avais donné tout ce qu'elle possédait sauf une corde. Le matin de très bonheure, Je l'ai retrouvé morte, pendue et gelée... Je l'est décrocher, je l'est déposé sur le sol... Je me suis couché sur elle malgré qu'elle était froide... J'ai pris la paire de ciseaux que j'avais et je me suis coupé... J'ai telment perdu de sang que lorsque ce camelot m'a trouvé j'était inconsciente. Il a prit soin de moi.
Aujourd'hui j'ai 27 ans, Je suis mariée au camelot, J'ai deux belles filles Tania et Maryse. J'attend présentement un garçons... J'ai encorre la chaîne en argent que ma mère adoptive portait lorsqu'elle est morte... J'aurais aimé partagé ce boneure avec elle, j'aurais aimé qu'elle soit grand-mère... Je pleure à sa tombe à tous les ans... Si tu as perdu ta mère ou si elle ne t'aime pas... Moi je t'adopterai...Moi je serai l'épaule sur laquelle tu pouras pleurer... Je serai là pour te serrer dans mes bras...
06 Apr 2005 Leanora hi, look i want this to be posted. i dont want to be really cliched and annoying but suicide is never the way. it sounds like most of the people here are having an awful time in life, and i know exactly what it feels like. long story short, was hit by my mum since i was 6 for 6 years and watched her try to kill my dad. thats still with me and im really depressed, but no-one really knows that. i'm moving out in 4 months when im old enough (Im 16). so for me, thats my light at the end of the tunnel. u are all so young and do you not realise how much time you have to change ur life? you can move out soon, u can go far away and live a new life and get help and try to help yourself. don't give up, please. You can be anything you wanna be, I actually only one tried to commit suicide but it didn't work and afterward i was too scared. we all have issues here but when u beat them it will be the happiest day of ur life!! xx
05 Apr 2005 Im still here To all you people out there thinking about suicide PLEASE dont go through with it. It isnt worth it no matter how much you go through. I was cutting for a while (about 7 months 4 days a week) Until one of my friends found out and told the counsolor at school. He kept on telling my friend that he was going to tell my mom but he never did. Then my friend told me either you tell your mom or I will. I know my mom would rather find out from me. I told her and she freaked she didnt know what to do all she could do was hold me and cry. That right there is the worst feeling in the world to my mom and me. I didnt know what to say. Then March rolled around and it was going to be 2 years that my dad died so i took vicadin that day so i wouldnt have to actually deal with what was going on. My friend got blamed for giving me it but it wasnt her. My friend just resently thought that well since you cut I think Ill give it a try. I found out not from her but from another friend and once again I didnt know what to do all I could do was hold her and cry. I couldnt tell her what she did was wrong because I made that same exact mistake. I wish so much that I could take what i did back and I wish I could just talk to her and tell her to not make those same mistakes but she is bull headed and she wont listen to me. I tell her every day that I love her and I would never want to lose her. But I guess she doesnt understand. So I hope all of you out there that read this dont make the mistakes I made it isnt worth it!! There is no way to kill yourself when your under 13 tough it out it will get better I promise!!
01 Apr 2005 Naomi I have planned suicide plenty of times, but I never really thought how it would affect everyone around me, until my best friend became very suicidal after her youngest sibling died after a brain tumour. I had to always try and stop her, she has attempted it several times, everytime her older brother managed to stop her. But we had a fight only last night. We made a pact, you go I go. I thought that it would stop her, but we both became angry with each other, saying things we didn't mean, but I think I killed her.
The only way to kill yourself is to stop your ventilator when you're an old, old person, ready to die. My great-grandma died when I was 6, my Nan moved away when I was 12, but I'm 14 now, and my best friend wants ot kill herself. I miust be jinxed. Fate has turned its back on me, leaving me to find my own path. At many times, I have decided that my path has finished. Many times I have taken pills to school, ready to kill myself slowly infront of my friends, many times I have cut my wrists deep enough to swim in, many times, I have looked at websites to find a reason why I should stay. Many times I have found a reason; that Lauren is still here, and I never want to leave her. But I think she has left me.
So if you're reading this Lauren, I'm sorry.
01 Apr 2005 in memory of i have actually had 3 friends commit suicide in my lifetime of 23 years. suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and it hurts everybody. before you even consider suicide, please be aware of how people that love you would feel... would you want to see your grandmother cry, or your father, or your mother, or your little cousin who is only 7? would you want your cat or your dog to miss you and lie in your room waiting for you to come home? this is not something to joke about. if you need help, you should call the suicide hotline. please. if you decide to commit sucide, its too late... and you'll never to get to see a smile on your own children's face someday...
21 Mar 2005 Shattered feelings at the simple age of five, i jumped off my roof to try and kill myself, though i was unsucessful, i am now 14, and still attempting suicide, since i am to proud to ask for help, from any one, even my dad, who cares so much about me, knows of only one cutting, though i have cut myself once a week, and every week since i was ten, the scars run so deep, they will never go away, i am turning 15 shortly, my mum is pretending like she actually cares, i have always been close with my dad,and never close with my mother, dad=best friend/ mum= worst nightmare... i have tried numerous times, to try and have a familial relationship with my mum, but she doesnt allow me to, she favors my other siblings, and doesnt seem to care about me, i wouldnt call it neclect,but i wouldnt call it loving either, me and her fight every day, over the stupidest things, i dont think she would even miss me if i did in fact succed with my suicidal attempts, i do yes suffer from manic- depression, and she knows it, but still wont care, my dad will morn for me, but he has a life, and wont be able to cry for long, my friends can also make new freinds, my dear sweet love, Merrill, the only guy i have ever been happy with, who respects and loves me so much, will find another, though i am sure he will morn, for a few days, as will my friends, but they will all move on, my siblings, wont notice i am no longer there, since i mainly stay in my room, plaining my next suicidal attempt, one of my best friends Alicia, killed herself when she was 13, she cut herself, drank some clorox, and pushed herself infront of a car, all in one hour, of one day, making me go further into depression, still i cannot seem to stop trying to kill myself, and will never, ever seek help, but only look for a way to help myself, but if it be gods will, i succed in removing myself from this world, first, then let it be......
19 Mar 2005 ....merinda... Not a day has passed when I havent' thought of killing myself, in the past three years, at least. It's a thought that has never left my mind, and I can't talk to anyone about it because they are all judgemental and patronise me if I were to say anything of the sort. A guy i knew killed himself a week back... and his funeral's tomorrow. I'm not sure how that's going to go but i really wish his death was not part of reality. However, this made me realise, these things DO actually happen.
17 Mar 2005 A Mom My 11 yo daughter tried to hang herself last night. Luckily she did not do it. I'm shocked and saddened quite frankly. I have read some of your stories and our life isn't like that. She is loved and cared for. Never abused in anyway. I don't understand why she'd want to do something like that. She was just diagnosed with diabetes and it has been hard on both of us. But is that a reason to die?! It isn't! For all of you who are abused and unloved, I pray you find peace and self love. For those of you like my daughter who are loved so much but somehow doesn't know it, I pray that you tell your families how you feel so that they can help or get you the help you need. I've heard my daughters cry for help and will get her all the things she needs. Especially hope for the future. Thank you for listening.
13 Mar 2005 Em I've been suicidal since i was about 12 probably. I am now 16 and have attempted suicide multiple times with various methods. i tried slitting my wrists, shooting myself (didn't have the guts to pull the trigger), suffocating myself, ODing off any kind of pills, drinking lots of alcohol, etc. The reason i want to end my life is because it just sucks. its not working out the way it should. I to often covet what others have and it just hurts to bad so i think the only thing i can do is just end it all. i don't have my license because i know i won't get a car. all my friends have cars and i have to depend on them to take me to school and whatnot. its little things like that, they build up and make me suicidal. yesterday, 3 of my friends said they can't take me to school. 2 of them said it meaning they can't ever do it again. one of their reasons was because they though i needed to get my life straight. for all they know my life is straight, this depression, this life that i live, i put a mask on in public, nobody knows what i know. when i told my friend about it last night, she didn't believe me. she refused to believe the thoughts i was having and what was happening to me. its called clinical depression. it just doesn't go away. my life is falling apart before my eyes and by the time i realized it, the depression had taken control of most of my functions and i can't do anything about it. its like i'm just there. my mom doesn't love me all she does is cuss me out and remind me about how stupid i am. she'll call me a whore out of the clear blue. my dad is in jail, and my brother says how stuipd i am all the time and puts me down. people always tell me how skinny and hot i am, but yet when i look in the mirror, i don't see that. i recognized that i hadn't eatin for a few days. i never drink anything, i suffer from dehydration. i've got all the symptoms for that..but yet, i do nothing to try and treat it. i'm never thirsty. when i actually do cry for help, nobody listens or cares. they think i'm joking around maybe, or just don't believe me. i don't go out with my friends anymore, i don't call anybody, i just sit in my room alone. thats how i like it. but then i could cry because i am alone. my depression remains untreated because nobody see's it. i have every single symptom of depression. i went through a a list of dozens of symptoms and u name it, i had it. actually..i HAVE it. this is all happening to me now and in the last couple weeks of my life. its a saturday night, i'm 16, i'm not supposed to be at home, but i am. my best friend got a boyfriend and thats all she cares about now i haven't hung out with her since him. i could cry about it all. but i won't let myself. 2 of my friends hate me right now because of something. i honestly don't know. i could continue on all night but i don't want to waste any more of your time. i don't have as much problems or severe problems like some people i've read about on this site, but good luck to all. i'm tired of crying, and trying, yea i'm smiling, but inside i'm dieing.
12 Mar 2005 .... Considering we found out yesterday a guy in my grade killed himself, its a pretty fuckinghard time for me and all my friends at the moment. You think its neva gonna happen to someone you know, someone you care about, but its ure as hell does. It still doesnt seem real, but it is. Its not something any of us will forget about, especially at graduation. I guess its also pretty ironic i'm back here after all thias time on mouchette, because i used to have strong suicidal tendancies, and just have to question why the fuck do things like this happen in the world. The thought that there is something so bad and something so fucked up to drive as person to kill themselves.
11 Mar 2005 CC IMPORTANT: Heres my story. Please read it. My life has been bad since day one. When I was 3 months old my father shot my mother and then himself. I was forced to live with my aunt and uncle who were very abusive. They would scratch my arm with a piece of glass until it got to the bone. Their children, my cousins, would tie me to the tree in the back yard and throw rocks at me for hours at a time. When I reached grade 7 I ran away because I couldn't take it any longer. That was a mistake. As I was walking away, a man offered me a ride. It was a winter day so I would do anything to get into a nice heated car. Well as you can guess he raped me and stole my backpack then threw me out on the street. I lived on the streets for a few days, and almost starved to death. Then one day as I walked to the bridge to get my life over with, I saw my uncle and he saw me. He forced me into his car and took me back to his house. He locked me in the basement and abused me and made me do humiliating things. One day when my grandma came over I thought I had a chance. She was always a nice and caring woman so I thought she would help me. And she did. After a long argument I was brought back to her house. She was nice until she died. Then once again I was with my uncle. This time he went too far and dropped me off of his staircase which was about 4 meters off the ground. I broke both my legs which made me helpless to him. He beat me constantly and I could not do anything about it. When my legs healed I ran away once more. This time I seeked help from a womens shelter, I was 18 at the time. They took me in and treated me good. I was there until I was 20 and then I left. I got a job at a greenhouse and was paid good money. I got engaged to a restaurant owner. It was literally too good to be true. The boss at the greenhouse harassed me and forced sex with me and took pictures of it and posted it on the internet. My husband heard of the site with a friend and left me. I was unemployed and alone. I made my way through my life living with friends and going in and out of apartments. I am now 34 telling you to comit suicide if you are truly that depressed. Things wont get better. Nothing will ever get better. Wondering why I havent killed myself yet? Because I cen't stand to think of the pain I would cause other people. I am just living my life day by day hoping to get murdered, or some form of death that doesnt involve self-pity or indulgence. I tried to cut myself but that does not do anything. It doesnt make my pain go away and it doesnt make my life better. It causes disease and infections. I want to die please take me god...please.
05 Mar 2005 Christine Dobreva Last week, I slitted my wrists, it was all bleeding so bad...It didn't hurt at first, though. I wanted to commit suicide, but I...just couldn't make. Coz of my boyfriend, I suppose. But the great reason is that I can't really stand my mom. She never wanted me, and I can't move out since I'm 17 only. But that will happen soon. She is the one who shouts at me all the time, calling me names, hitting me, bumping my head in the wall, throwing knives over me, trying to not let me go home in the evenening when I get back from school. I've been suicidical for 10 years or more now. Have tried pills, blades, knives, fire...practically almost everything you can imagine. And I just make it to the hospital and them bastards save me. Why...I do believe in God and I love him. I know I'll go to hell and won't do any good by killing myself, but there are times when I just can't take it anymore. I'm in a constant depression and I never want to go back home. When I'm in the lift in out block of flats, I just make the cross sign, and pray to God I'll be able to face the next fight with my mom. She never listens to me, she never understands me, and I can't take it. I love school coz I feel safe there. I don't feel safe at home. And I never will. It's fucked up, and I'm ruined inside. I'm considered beautiful, thoughtful and funny, but I'd give it all away, just to know my "mother" won't let me down again. I'd sell my soul to anyone, just to know I won't go back home...

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