|Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.|
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?
Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
|01 Sep 2005||Ehron||I am not sure where to start. I've always been a person who struggles with seeing the positive side of things. I am a perfectionist, and guilt myself with anything and everything. I am not suicidal, but I am very depressed. It comes and goes, some good days and others not so.
The reason why I have stumbled across this website is because my former "best friend" emailed me recently because he wanted to talk.
I am sitting here trying to think what I would say to him since his suicide attempt Jan 25th, 2004. That night was horrible, I didn't know how to understand the things that happened. So much happened that night.
I thought he wanted to have sex with me, then I thought he was going to be raped by someone who had just grabbed him in the neck to choke him. I hit that guy, we (as in 2 on lookers and I) hid the 4 oz. of mushrooms.
I held him to the floor for 45 minutes so he couldn't hurt himself anymore. The ambulence attendants told me that he was acting differently than what someone on mushrooms would be if they took too much. But I guess that taking 9 grams and being Bipolar isn't a great idea... he was never diagnosed until after this situation.
That night, I was telling him anything and everything I thought he wanted to hear so he wouldn't leave me. I don't even know what else to write. I am so numb from the events... I have gone over and over again what I could have done differently to prevent this... and now it just feels like a nightmare... like it didn't happen but it still hurts me. I don't know what to say to him now...
All I can say to any of you is that the people around you are hurting because they can't help you. Nothin they do is right for you because you tell them so, or no response is given.
I dropped out of college, lost my job, and sat in my apartment wanting to die but I couldn't give up. I don't want to hurt others as I have been hurt. Life DOES move on.
There are other options, just keep your eyes out for them.
He left me in the dark, and I died inside thinking it was my fault. I have been too proud for councelling, its something I think about humbling myself for. A chance to leave this pain in my past.
|01 Sep 2005||Will Snow||I want to say something important to everyone. Well last week i took an overdose of some anti depressants. I did it to seek attention. I didnt do it to try and kill myself. Well all was fine until the next morning when i got up and i didnt feel too good. I had a cold sensation go through me and my heart raced at a very hard pace and i was struggling to breath. After 10 mins, it wore off and was able to get up. At this point i was very shaky. The following days it was the same and i just couldnt do much at all. Well on the tuesday this week i had to see my doctor and he told me that i have damaged my heart in the fact the rythym is now beating wrong and thats why ive benn bad. It was to do with the medication and its one of the many possible side effects. So now i have to take it easy and not do any exercise. He also told me that my heart could have stopped and that i should have gone to hospital to have my heart checked overnight. Thankfully it should right itself after a month or two, but it has given me a hard lesson. I actually had a fear of dying, no matter how hard life is.|
|26 Aug 2005||Listen to me..||Hello, I'm someone here to say a few words. If you are reading this, and plan to commit suicide please take some time to read this. I've been where you are, I have been been very depressed at times and did indeed want to commit suicide...Anyway, I am here to say It will not work. Suicide will only end a very precious thing. Yes, sometimes we all go through hardships we must undertake. But please dont...End it..Everyone..everything..Is here for a reason..Love, Medicine, Helping others..Anything..But you have your own purpose and you should make sure it is complete. Yes We will all die soon but dont rush it, god gave you life so use it (not saying like you HAVE to beleive in god) but..there is help out there if you need Professsional help. (I AM NOT ADVERTISING) But, I am speaking from Exeriences I saw a person try to commit suicide...It was horrible..I am 14...I am speaking this cause I care for life....Yes, I am still heavily depressed but I fight on..Cause one day all pain will end and your life will go on happy and flurishing..So If you are thinking of Commiting suicide thank you for reading thing and please reconsider|
|26 Aug 2005||fdsa||Hi, I'm 17 and I constantly think of suicide. I haven't tried it, but the haunting thought always comes across my mind. I'd say my cause of depression is my social anxiety. I hate being around a lot of people I don't know. I feel like they're judging me; staring at me. Also with girls, there's this girl I like, and I'm sure everyone has this same feeling. The feeling that that person is out of your reach and that you'll be alone forever. I've cried myself to sleep many nights with that thought. I pray to god many times and I know how many of you feel. The feeling that God is there, but not caring for you... Being forsaken. I know how you feel. Video games is my comforter. I play online with a bunch of friends. They feel like my real friends because they know how I feel. My friends here wouldn't understand. I pretend that I'm the character in that perfect world to relieve my stresses and tensions. When I cry myself to sleep, I'd listen a few of Michelle Branch's songs. There's a few particular songs that make me forget everything. Her voice... is soothing.
Thoughts that take away my pride
Trapped in places deep inside
Memories I have come to fear
And I can't make them disappear
"Wait 'til I'm free
I promise you'll see"
"And everything I thought it'd be
Is nothing like it is"
"Somebody alone broken"
"I've caried this weight
For too long..."
"And everything I've hated
Keeping me so jaded"
Into the mirror"
"And I hate what I see"
"All my lifes disfunction
Alive in front of me"
|20 Aug 2005||time is up||Hi everyone. I'm 27 and I've had many trials with suicide and life depression. My life has consisted of many good and bad things. I have to be honest - life hasn't been what I wanted. My real problem is that I have a need that I believe can't be filled. That need is love of a woman. I'm very lonely inside even though I am married. I have a beautiful boy and have a good job, and have made significant strides in recoverying from sexual addiction.
I have knowledge that God does live - but I just don't feel His love. I'd have to keep living if I chose to feel it.
Death is really a lie. It doesn't solve the emptiness inside me. Marriage didn't solve it. God has filled it a few times. A girl I loved deeply really filled it. She's gone now - dating some other guy whom it looks like she'll marry.
That is what hurts the most. I feel abandoned and I feel empty. The one person I want ot love me doesn't. Co-dependency is what it is called.
I feel screwed up. The posts here, though, offer a glimpse of no longer being alone. I can relate to the physical and sexual abuse. It really screwed me up.
I guess suicide won't get me the fulfillment I desire. What will?
|19 Aug 2005||Jon||Like most of you, i wish there was an easy way out of life, my mom hates me my brother whos 12 hates me and wants meto leave, just a couple of minutes ago i was beingn ice to him talkin to him about a game we play online and he is nasty to me like he usually is. Im 19 years old iv always been teased made fun off inschool thats why i skipped and eventually dropped out.
Im crying writing this becuase im so hurt inside i dunno what to do anymore. My only way out off the real world is play video games online with my friends. The only friends i have live accros the country. Im lonely. I dunno what to do, i think all this started when my dad died in 98, ever since then i havent been the same, i dont think the same anymore i dont know whats wrong with me, i never spend time with my mom or brother anymore, its like im pealin away, i wish there was so ammo in the house right now for the gun we have cuss thats the only way i think to get away easy.
Iv thought about killing myself for years but it seems no way is painless..
Why cant mylife be normal why do i always get teased, even my 12 year old brother is bully to me
|19 Aug 2005||AL||Im only 13 but ive committed suicide more than 3 times and it never works and i'am also a cutter, smoker and a drinker.I do this to help myself release my anger and pain because this is the only way i can think of to relinquish my pain.I started doing this ever since my problems piled on top of each other and i coul'nt think of any oher ways to help me solve it so i did this but this is not the only thing i also did dis because of my parents,dey gave me such pain dat inside of me i just wanted to fukin' scream and bleed to death to show dem how much pain im sufferring.I cant control myself everytime i cut myself and eveytime i smoke because i just wanna go on to release my anger..........|
|18 Aug 2005||Mad Ad||Well what ever way u decide to end your life make sure you die, as i have found out it is nearly impossible to kill your self in an adolesent psychiatric hospital (as i found out) i was 12 when i first tried to kill myself. I tried everything but people would find me and then i would get treated for cuts, or have my stomach pumped or what ever. i spent a year and a half in this shitty hospital with other nutters just like myself so i would personally suggest kill yourself where no one can find you, and make sure you die.|
|16 Aug 2005||julia||i dont what what is wrong with me.
i am terribly scared of death AND LIFE.
when i think of airplaines & crashes, i freak out and start crying hysterically.
and then come all these thoughts and visions of pain and fear the people are going through. i dont know how to escape. i realised that suicide will get me no where.. apart from straight to hell, where i do not want to go. life will get you till the end. to a problem-free world. heaven. so the only road is to live.
if you die in an accident, then i guess you are dead for a reason. so you dont goto hell for taking your life yourself (suicide)
THE HARDEST THING IN LIFE IS TO LIVE IT.
i dont want to die. never. im ever scared to live too!! every moment i think. i am in the world. any minuite it can collapse and break. i will choke & die.
scream & yell, but it will be over eventually.
people are selfish. we were given a planet and we fucked up. we polluted, didnt care, didnt feed the hungry, didnt make peace with the angry. rebel.protest.destroy. we brought too much bullshit. we fucked up real bad. and now we will pay. we had one chance, and we ruined it. the pain is starting now. plane crashes, earthquakes, tsunamis, wars, WHAT NEXT? WHAT NEXT?
Thats all i have to say.
i am depressed, somewhat suicidal. somewhat bipolar. fucked up in the head. confused.lost. i need guidance. i need to stop crying.get myself together, and breathe. but this sorrow in me is driving me crazy. i cant think straight. cant spit out the emotionals i keep inside. this anger bottled up, i cant unscrew the lid. i cant figure this out.
|15 Aug 2005||Carol||HOW TO KILL YOURSELF NO MATTER WHAT AGE
Something happened in your life or continues to happen in your life to cause these thoughts and the effect is suicide...you know "cause & effect". For me, adopted, my mother said, "If God hadn't taken away MY children (stillborn) I would have never gotten you." At six years old or so it fractured my heart, soul, mind, security. My father was ultra strict and both very religious. In ninth grade I was sent away to school until I graduated a senior. I made several attempts in my life time to end my life and all were feeble attempts. Apparently, I wasn't suppose to die but continue living in hell. My most recent attempt at forty years old landed me in jail with three felony counts against me for the rest of my life. Try and get a job with that. You can't, so I made my life even more hellish. You just never know if suicide is going to really work and if you live through it, undoubtedly, you will only worsen your life in some fashion. A vegetable, felon, paralyzed, deformed, and throroughly humiliated and embarassed (if you still have a brain that thinks.) The best way to commit suicide is to kill the cause of your pain. Think back, do alot of thinking on how you can change your situation and stop having these thoughts. Something triggered this in you and you have dwelt on it ever since and blown it so far out of porportion you've lost control of yourself. Find ways to circumvent the pain, loss, whatever your troubles are. Spend time finding ways to do this and ways to rid your mind of suicide instead of filling your mind with trying to find ways to commit suicide. You have a serious problem that needs to be delt with and fixed so you can resume a normal, happy life without the constant burden of pain. Do this, and suicide will no longer be an option, it will be one less horrible thought you can rid your mind of and replace it with something better. Commit to healing your pain, not committing suicide. And for those who think this is the easy way out...you have to be extremely brave, sure, and committed to end your life. It's the most difficult thing to go against human nature and kill yourself. That is why there are so many failed attempts versus successful attempts. This is not a childish attention getter nor is it a self-pity party. It is a very dark and heavy burden that is very real. Very real, and you're ignorant to believe otherwise. These people are in the deepest pain emotionally that most can't bare. They just can't bare it. This is why it is important to find the cause so you can change the effect and LIVE and Love life.
|10 Aug 2005||Rachel||I am just turning 13 I live in hatred of all humans. for years i have attempted suicide, cutting my wrists and throat, drinking iodine (some kind of brownish liquid that is fatal if one drinks to much, jumping off cliffs, sufficating, starving, etc. Every day I go to school, try to tear the throats out of about anyone I see. They don't think I would. Why haven't I? They're faster than me. stronger faster, but not more beautiful, no human can ever be that. They are scared to death of me, I can tell. Those who claim to love me might, but what the hell does that do? I dream night after night, and during the day too of killing them all, then being shot dead but someone trying to stop me. And it's not only them. Call me lazy, I hate all assignments and work. On a scale of one to ten, ten being the best existence or non esistance ever, this life is about a .00000000000001. It just plain sucks. Death aka nothing would be about a 5, not good nessecarily, but definatly not bad. anything higher is impossible. No one seems to think I'll do it, they ignore the slashing everyone can see on my wrists, but and of couse, I can't legally buy firearms... yet. I know existance sux and it wont get any better. One thing has stopped me. Survival instints. God damn survival instints. Everyone is born with them. They are what has kept me body from being found crushed at the bottom of a building. Don't ever think that suicide is "the easy way out." It's not. Oh, sure I've got my share of therepists, who doesn't. But if I ever told them this, they would stop me. I like nature, maybe I would starve, be killed by a mountain lion or finds somepoisonous plants. but every part of it that still exists is owned but someone. I could never go there. One thing is for sure though. The only thing that can stop me from killing myself is something or someone else doing so. I probably screwed this up, put it in the wrong section or something. woop de doo i dont care. As for that post about the dark room, well isnt that amazing. You seem to forget all the other crap of life. I would definatly prefer the dark room with no sound, sight, heat cold etc. I'm suicidal and YOU'E not going to change it.
PS. No I do not want to be "freinds" with you, If you're On this site you probably don't want that either. They dont exist anyway. ANYONE with a boyfreind/girlfreind/husband/wife/whatever is deluding themselves. I would say the best way is to convince your body you're not getting rid of it. If theres nothing after death, wich chances extremely highly are there isn't, I can live with that. Or maybe "live" isn't the right word.
|09 Aug 2005||whoremoans||It's terrible that I found myself rather amused by what most people have to say here. I was getting a bit of a sick kick out of it.
When i was 15/16 (Im 18 now) I was a hardcore cutter. You'll never see scars like mine. I couldn't count them - and they're deep. I'd literally use shards of glass or exacto knives or whatever. I even almost killed myself when i was *on* the psych ward right under the nose of about 20 nurses and 4 shrinks.
The interesting thing is- My suicidal thought worstened as they upped the dosage of the medication. I was taking Effexor XR. It's a big maroon tablet, looks like a horse pill. After I nearly OD'd, they took me (and anyone else on the ward under 18) off the meds as they saw it was clearly unfit for the maturing brain.
For the last year and half, I haven't been on medication at all. Most people couldn't possibly believe i was suicidal, minus the physical evidence. I had even slit my throat.
I'm alive, and well, and couldn't be happier.
Furthermore, there should be absolutely no circumstance to kill yourself (especially if you're under 13). If you are 70 years old and dying from some terrible cancer and you're becomming a vegetable, by all means, get it over with quick. If you've lost the ability to communicate and you're trapped inside your own head, I can imagine that it's not really worth it at that point either.
Anything short of that however, is unacceptable.
Life is beautiful, you just have to change your perspective if you don't see it that way. Go lie in a bed of flowers, or pet your cat or your dog... or make funny faces at a little baby and watch them smile with the purest glee.
|08 Aug 2005||crimson red||ok this is for everyone, ok background info on me, molested when i was three to about 8 by father and grandfather, mom was a lesbian, have a guys name tattooed on my ass who i am not with, and i am jaded, which means "damaged goods", suffered depression and social phobia since i was about 8, began attmepting suicide at nine,in sixth grade people would find it funny to watch me choke myself, and became a self mutilator at 13, and then my best friend killed herself two weeks ago, broke up with only person that ever made me feel like a real person on monday! so i know a little bit about suicide, and i do not recommend it for anyone, just some people realize early in life that they cant see anything in the future for them, not even life. like me, the only thought that my mind entertains these days is life after death. But before you decide thats what you want without a doubt, you have to research it, you have to figure out the best way for you, you cant listen to what works for other people because obvisously it hasnt worked for them! and tourniquet girl, your friend may feel depressed but is not clinacly depressed, there is a difference, she wants attnetion, she wants sympathy, empathy, pity, and for someone to, i am sorry, kiss her ass, and stop taking test to see if you are depressed, those tests are designed to get you on medication and so people think they have a problem when they dont! and i dont know your story so i am not saying you arent, but you have to decide for yourself, everyone knows their own body well enough to determine that on their own. and huh wat name?????? no one needs a smart ass, maybe you should be a motivational speaker ya know really boost everyones spirits, actually you would probably make me want to jump off the damn golden gate bridge! and ya mam, evidentally slitting your wrist is not sufficient enough, dont give advice that hasnt worked for you, and especially if you havent tried it!( but if anyone does ever OD, try getting high and drunk first, weed supresses your bodies instinct to throw up when it takes in toxins, and the alcohol will make you even more depressed to go ahead and do it) but just so everyone knows if you do commit suicide you arent going to go to heaven, and if you do it because you want someone to see how they hurt you remember you wont be here to see them suffer or for them to apologize or to want you back and wish they hadnt fucked you over|
|07 Aug 2005||Ainslie||Reflections on Suicide.
No more pain
No more joy
No more tears
No more smiles
No more anxieties
No more satisfactions
No pressure to achieve
No more achievements
No more hatred
No more love
No more dark nights
No more splendid sunrises
No more frustrations
No more accomplishments
No more angry words
No more terms of endearment
that you imagined as a clean surgical cut
is a bloody, jagged me that won't heal
and soils everyone you ever cared about
and cared about you.
We are left, puzzled, bloodied, wounded
No longer vibrant , whole confident
Now we go forth handicapped, missing an essential limb,
that will never be replaced
and always longed for.
sorrow, betrayal, anger, guilt.
An ignoble reciprocation
of so much love
You should have chosen
and keep streching the narrow confines
of my perimeter.
Instead you are gone
I am stagnant, in stupor
I view my world and fear to face
the agonizing beauty and pain of life
I think of joining you
and realize you took the best part of me
In this zombie state,
in the shadow world
The atrium of death
where I must decide which exit
left or right,
left into cold night
right into the endless struggle
and bloody battles of life.
No longer equipped for the fight,
I curl up in this atrium
and lick my wounds that will not heal
and look inside
to find purpose
to reinvent my life
to reinvest my energies
to find my courage
that will allow me to foolishly
continue with this life.
No longer whole,
No longer young
a shadowy remnant
of my old self
I set out
to continue alone.
sucide is never a joke its real just never ever believe its the only option left dont be weak dont take the easy way out, dont be like me!!
|07 Aug 2005||Ainslie||under 13 shouldnt try and kill them selfs. im 16 and i hav tryed many times the most recent was about 2 weeks ago and im still suffering the afects now i tryed to overdose now i know to take more next time, yes next time i gave up on life am just waiting to end it, its not ok to do that but as i see it, its my last option. DONT ANYONE ELSE DO IT you have you life a head of you you just hav to ride these feelings out it will pass life gets better if u let it, if you are thinking of sucide force your self to talk it works trust me, im trying to get over sucide but its hard when the thought stays in your head as it has been in my head for 2 years and it has slowly taken over all i think about is suicide, its hard to handle and its only a matter of time before i try again. the best thing to do is find out what sets you off what makes you think this is the last option, all you need is time and space to clear you head space to breath, im just lucky my boy friend stayed alive after he tryed to hang him self it was so hard i cryed so hard it was hard to breath and i thought if he dies im going with him and the next day thats what i planned to do but i had second thoughts i wana die but i dont want to hurt anyone mostly the people i love and care about i dont want them to feel as bad as i did that night.
keep your friends close and talk about it get it out of you you can hold so much but nothing more tell some one u feel this way.
this is a reason my boy friend gave me to try and change my mind:
At least 5 people in this world love u so much they would die for you, at least 15 other people love you in some way, think how much thoses people would hurt if you left them.
just think of the people who would cry and miss you,
every action has a reaction!!
|31 Jul 2005||zechariah||well, i dont know about all this 13 shit but i do kno depression is a major obstical for everyone... sumthing i have learned is that no matter who you are your problems are worse than anyones... so its kind of ironic when people talk about their problems and expect someonw to fix them and make them go away. how can anyone fix your problems when their too worried about their own? yet we all expect to get sympathy from others when your getting enough from your self. the best thing to deo in the situation is not to physically kill yourself but kill the part of you that gives a shit about what others think and start foucusin on what your gonna do next for yourself. LEARN TO BE SELFISH many ppl who are suicidal are also selfless they care more for others than themselves and when they feel that no care is being returned its depressing.|
|30 Jul 2005||My smile is a lie||Hi, I'm not telling you my name but, I'm a suicide addict. Oo that hurt...I've been trying to commit suicide since I was like 6. I'm 21 now. I still think about ending it all. I've been through all that aggravating therapy, nothing has solved it. Deep and dark thoughts enter my mind time to time. I'm getting my own apartment soon and I think I might get me a gun and blow my brains out or find some rational way out of this hell. I don't have any real friends or family, no one to turn to, total isolation. This pain seems to never seize. It's always there, all I feel all over my fuckin body. Everytime someone tries to get close to me I turn away, no matter what. No one would fuckin give a damn when I'm gone anyways, they don't care right now that I'm alive, why should they care when I'm dead. I just hope whenever I do it that my body is not found, I'll do it somewhere no one goes, off a cliff somewhere deep into a lake. I'm just one big fucking joke when it comes to any relationship. It's like oh...I'm a 15 yr old girl with a stupid crush on this guy and he really fucking cares, not! So, I stop all relationships, altogether and them only hoping to be my friend after starting a so called relationship, how can anyone be someone's friend who just leaves them behind and like you don't know. I'm sick of it. I'm ending my life soon and no one can stop me.|
|25 Jul 2005||tiger||I have suffered from depression 4 7 yrs i m 14 the reason 4 my depression is ovious weight issues and sexual melestation by family members and close frenz this world has treated me horribly which is y i have attempted suicide atleast 30 times n my life by over dosing cutting hanging myself and starving all would have been successful if my mom woodn have tooken me to the dam hospital afterwards i suffer from anerexia im 5'3' and wiegh 82 pounds i m huge i no also my step dad has melested me millions of times but my mom wont believe she thinx hes a good man but i cant tell the cops cuz he said he wood bury me alive n the mountains its really scary to b told how ur going to die i used to wah 107 and i wood duck tape my fat back which wood leave scars on my stomach and legs which i still hav i wor the tape at 10 and 14 m still suffering from my past decisions well im done with life im killin mysself sooner or later ill b happy dead|
|21 Jul 2005||Mary||This is such a coincidence I was searching for some other site and i stumbled onto this one. Must be God wanted me to tell my story. The best way to kill yourself is no way read my story and understand. This is what happened to me at 13 when I tried to kill myself. So if you thinks that suicide will end your misery I say Hah!Think again. I tried committing suicide when i was 13. Lucky for me that it did not work. When I woke up I was in total darkness. I did not remember that I had killed myself. I could not imagine what had happened to me. I thought it was another mean thing that was happening to me and somebody had locked me in a box while I was sleeping. It felt like a box or a room but i could not touch any walls or floor. I was numb or felt weird. It was like i was stoned but could not see or hear anything. I was really frightned. I was totally alone in the darkness no sound no light no heat no cold. Nothing. I shouted and cried but it's as if nothing came out.The darkness absorved everything. I don't know how long I was there I started to babble and I think i started to pray. Not that I knew anything about praying or believed in God but I was desperate. "God some say you exist if you do please help me." I kept shouthing and then just mumbling over and over and over "God please help me, please hear me, someone please...God ...somebody help...what happening let me out." Well anyways I kept repeating something like that over and over it seemed to me like years. Eventually I noticed a very faint light. I ran towards it but I kept loosing sight of it and I would cry and pray over and over God help me.. god help me." and the light seemed getting brighter. I finaly got to the light and to my amazement it was a glass window looking out onto a beautiful land. Something like the countryside. Green grass and forest. The sun was shinning I saw colorful birds fly by. There was a little pool and I saw deers go up to drink. Far in the distance I saw people picking flowers i even saw kids running by. There was like a stone road leading through the fields into the forest. I could not find a way to get through. I tried breaking the glass. Knocking on it but nothing. I was stuck in the dark while on the other sside was a beautiful world. I kept beating my fist and kicking the window but nothing until this tall person appeared. I could not really tell if it was a man or a woman and I could not really see it's features he was very bright and I think was dressed in long flowing robes. The glass dissapeared and I could now smell and hear the sounds on the other side. Beautiful musical sounds like wind chimes and the rustle of leaves sweet smell of roses or floweres. "What are you doing here asked the being. This is not the way in." he said. "I am lost and in a dark room and I don't know why or where. Please let me in." "Sorry but I cant. Even if I let you you wouldn't be ablwe to step in no matter how you hard you tied. Tthis is the Law - You can only come in by the proper entrance." "But where am I and how did I get here?" "You are in transision, neither alive or dead. You tried to end your life before it's time. You should thank the Lord otherwise you would still be in the dark." "But I was in pain and could not take it anymore I just wanted to end it all." "Hear me well I Micheal Lord of the Way tell you this There is no death and no ending. Life is just a school. If you flunk this lesson you will just have to go back and relearn. Next time it may be harder lesson. You chose this life now you have to live it." No no I did not and I refuse to live it anymore." Then I felft such love and comfort from him. "I know you are suffering but you are a beautiful and stong soul and you decided on this life to help others. Be comforted in knowing that you have the ability to make your life get better. Look" He said and pointed ahead. Then I saw myself a little older laughing and I could see that I was happy and enjoying life. There were other people around me I think I was talking to them or councelling them and then very quickly I saw lots of scnenes. I think it was about my futur and of all the people that were helped because of my being alive. I can't remember most of my futur but I think I had a loving family anf kids. Then he showed me the souls of the people that where hurting me and deep within them I could see darkness, I understood that they were lost and afraid that's why they were cruel. I realized that for some of them it would take more than this life to heal. "Please let me come in here now I don't want to deal with life and the pain anymore. I changed my mind" "No its either through the darkness till you find the entrance." He ponted back in the dark or back to life until your proper time." And I knew I wanted to come back and experience what I saw. Then I opened my eyes in a hospital. Let me tell you it wasn't easy to be back but it was better than alone in the dark and my life has gotten better. I have worked on it. I even learned to pray and pray everyday and I feel better. I have done researched ( www.are-cayce.com ) and found out that Micheal Lord of the way is the Head of Angels and figths to keep evil away and show the way to God. Every once in awhile I say thank you Micheal Lord of Way and I thank God for a second chance at this life."|
|17 Jul 2005||NOT A B.D.D PERSON||I think it is not helpful telling people they may have BDD. I considered that myself but it isn't BDD if you really are ugly. BDD label is often given to good looking or average people who are obsessed with the way they look and are ogften attention seekers. You are either ugly or you are not. For those of you who are not ugly and who say 'just get on with it, beauty is skin deep, people shouldn't judge you by your appearances etc..' then I say see how it would be to spend a day being someone like me.
I am an intelligent 23 year old and I know what I see in the mirror. I have known I was ugly since I was a teenager. I have also suffered from depression on and off since then as well. Being ugly can have a huge impact on your life and can casue the most severe depression. I'm not saying my depression is caused by it, more that the way I feel about myself is made worse by the depression. My doc/counsellor says that people have negative thoguhts caused my distorted thinking. Much the same way an anorexic looks in the mirror and sees someone fat, I think that is crap. I look in the mirror and i can see what i can see. I am well educated and have a good brain, and I know reality when I see it. The fact is I am ugly - not attention seeking like some of the more egotistical of you on here ("I'm pretty so why do people call me ugly?" Get over yourselves and you'd realise that if you had a life to focus on you wouldnt be so self centred and ever thought people might just be seeing your arrogance and ugly personlity - if you're walking round all day thinking how gorgeous you are people will dislike you. It isn't jealousy - it is becasue you are probably not a nice person.)
Most of you on here moan about having a big nose, or being hairy or focus on one or two things. Well think yourself lucky you're not ugly all over. I hate my face and i hate my body - it is revolting and even makes me feel sick. I'm not going to list all that is wrong with me. I dont need to because they just are. I cant find clothes cos i need something that covers me (and no this isn't a weight issue before anyone says that). I need all my skin covered - have you any idea how depressing it is to have to cover yourself up totally or not be able to tgo out of the house? Especially in the summer when you cant take your clothes off and the shops are full of clothes that don't cover you?
When you are ugly all over and need to try and hide it so people arent repulsed it takes over EVERYTHING. I can't live a normal life or do noraml thigns that everyine else can. I miss out on a lot and i wantt o keep away from other people. Yet I am so unhappy and lonely. I have never found the key to acceptign how ugly I am, and how to accept the fact that I wil never find someone to love me totally and who wants to be with me 100%. It just isn't going to happen. I work so hard on my good qualities - I am a good mother, a loyal friend, I have a very good education I worked hard for, and I have a great sense of humour and often an endearing personlity. But it doesn't matter. Truth is we all judge people on first appearances whether consciously not. Who cares if I have the qualities listed above - no one is going to find out. And before anyone says if they cant see past that they're not worth it... please don't bother. I want to know how I accept my ugliness and knowing I will be alone forever?? That's my problem, not BDD. I am only obsessed because i am so repulsive and it's taking over my life and my thoughts. I do not have self esteem issues or else why woud I see my good points?? It's because I am genuinely ugly - I have never seen anyone more ugly than me. There just ins't anyone.