Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

Nom/email
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
30 Oct 2005 sharpshot I'm 13 and in 8th Grade. I feel like crap right now and kinda suicidal. I have felt this way and even worse countless times and while I have sometimes wanted to kill myself, I never could do it. Not even try. I guess I was just kinda scared of the pain. Sometimes I just try to fall asleep and forget about everything and sometimes I just feel so bad that I just want to lock myself in my room and never come out. I usually feel like crap cause of school. I'm nothing close to a nerd but im not too popular either. It's just that sometimes kids at school can act like bitches. I guess that school is almost the only thing that stresses me out sides my parents being divorced and my dad being a money hogging pig (in nice words). What really pisses me off is when there are like really big assignments and you have very little time for them. Well anyway, back to the point. Actually, I'm not sure what the point is but essentially I finnally figured out that there is so much to look forward to in life.
29 Oct 2005 Jason Its strange, almost predictable kind of. I have felt this way when I was 11. They tell you that life gets better, funny speach. I find the opposite to be true. It is 13 years later and I still feel the same. In fact I feel worse, because now not just being depressed, I have to deal with all the grown-up stuff too and I just do not want to. There is no fair world. I have never asked for a lot in life. I never strove to be rich or famous. All I want is a wife and children. Why is this never what I get? I almost had it once, I was almost married. But the bitch walked out on me. That was 3 years ago and I'm still not over it. There is just really no end to this pain. No matter how far away I may go sometimes the pain is always there. I am so smart, yet I can never get anything to work. The one time I found an OK job, it was stolen from my by a jealous asshole named Dino. He hates any employee lower than him that is smarter than him. He gets them fired. I now have had to pay for his jealousy, move back home with my mother where I don't want to be, in a city too far way from my friends and too far way from a good supply of jobs. I hate it. All I was told was that things would get better. Its a lie. A lie I have lived for 13 years. From the day I first wanted to die to today is 18 years. I have had this feeling dragging on my soul for almost twenty years. I know that seems like a long time for some of you people here particurly if your around 13. I can see no bright light at the end of the tunnel. And if you do it is probably just a train going toward you. I can just see myself living the next 60 years like this. I want it to end there is no point. Everything that has a beginning has an end. Peraps I ust need to make my ending come faster.
29 Oct 2005 hope Suicide is not the answer. Life is too precious to throw away. If you are on this site seeking a way out, realize that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You don't know what you have until you lose it, I found this out the hard way. I attempted suicide at 16 and failed. I'm now 21, a senior in a military college, and have been struggling with suicide since my freshman year. Recently, my life spiraled out of control and my command intervened. Although I did not like the intervention (which involved seeing doctors and being put on medications) I truly believe that their actions saved me from going off the deep end. However, because of this, I have lost everything I came here for--my FAA medical and pilot certifications, and my ability to be an officer in the military. Currently I don't know if I am even going to be able to graduate. That is why I offer this piece of advice and hope: Seek help before you do the inevitable. Whatever pain and tragedy you feel in your life--please realize it is not the end of the world. There is something better out there if you are willing to go after it....
28 Oct 2005 three strikes. When the thought of killing yourself comes into my mind i think what the fuck would make someone want to cause harm to themselves.
is it because family life is going no where, and there friends are no where to be found? or they just dont have any? have you experienced a loved one pass on? what is it that makes one want to kill themself?

well in my opinion.
why the fuck would you kill yourself when you can have one last thing you can enjoy. just one last thing.
make something of YOURSELF.
do something you love or try something you will learn to love.
cause havoc, screw up a few times.
thats life for you.
in my life.
here are the facts.
my biological mom died when i was 7.
my aunt when i was 12.
my uncle when i was 10.
my kid neighbor whom i grew to adore and baby-sat.
drunk driving is what got him.
the list continues: and now.
my step mom who has always been mom to me is dying of cancer.
and my other uncle and poppy (grandpa) are in the hospital with diabetes.
those are not my excuses to kill myself.
those are my reasons to live.
you could miss so much by killing yourself.
you could eternally hurt those around you that you never thought gave a shit about you.
in life take chances. take risks.
dont make a risk or a chance to harm your life.
it makes no sense.
and until someone can prove to me that it does.
then realize this..
your seeing the light of day.
cherish that.
for you once were in the darkness and now your in the light.
make use of it.
28 Oct 2005 The Wonderer Well, I dont have my problem as badly as u guys do, but i still have some to say.
When I was 9 I first told my parents that I wanted to kill myself. I am now 14, and these years have been a living shit hell. To start off, I am obese, have ADD and ADHD and asthma and Obssesive Compulsive Disorder. I kinda have no friend and HAVE A MAJOR CASE OF PARANOIA. Obssesive Compulsive Disorder and my huge case of Paranoia are killing me here. But especially my paranoia. I really cant have friends for a long period of time. Usually I can hold a friendship for just a couple of months. Sometimes, if i'm lucky, a year. But thats top. A year.
The thing is, because i cant hold a long term friendship, my paranoia makes me go crazy. Because I cant hold long friendships, I usually stay with my new friend for so long and stick to them and be around them so much, that it annoys them and they back off of me. I always have this paranoing thoughts that I have to be EXTREMELY nice and EXTREMELY friendly so that my new friends would like me. Also, after my hang out with the friend is over, my Obssesive Compolsive Disorder kicks in along with my paranoia. I get thoughts of, " did i do or say something that might get them to hate me or stay away from me?" these thought usually last non stop up untill the next time I see them, when i try to understand from them if they were offended or whatever from the day before.
Also, I have never kissed a girl, Never even had a girlfriend, never hugged a girl from love ( have hugged as an aquentence hug), never had been invited to a party, and was many times left out from like times when my friends hang out but never invite me.
I guess i am kind of sad, but i still have some hope. But very often, i lose that hope, and am then considered to be depressed. I take Zoloft, and many other medications that have hard names, but over the years i have taken possibly every medicine on the market, and they made me happy, really. But that happyness never lasted for a very long time. A while ago I got so upset, that instead of taking my prescribed 2 zoloft pills at night, I took 5. That really made me feel good, but it felt kinda wrong. But it was relly relaxing, really.
I am not always full of hope, but i am at least once or twice or even alday somedays. Usually when i am busy, my mind doesnt think about suicide or depresion. But since i have no friends, i am often not busy and do tend to think about suicide. I have never cut myself, because i dont know what it does. I do want to at least once in the near future smoke pot and thats something i intend to do.
At my sad or depressed moments, which happen usually twice or three times a day, I hate myself and want to die. At those moments, i am my own worst enemy. But thank god, im usually sad just a couple of times a day, and for just 10-30 minutes.
Im not trying to cheer u up by what im gonna say, but im just gonna share my goals for life: I would like to really feel my turning point in life, which everyone says happens right after your teenage years and then live my life in peace. I would also like to have a girlfriend, and I would also like to finally kiss a girl. Also to have sex. Also, to marry a girl, and have kids with her.
I just hate sitting around all the time being alone and upset, so this year i joinned a few clubs at my school, and am doing activities to find some friends and have some fun. I guess what im really trying to point out here is that i actually try to help myself. And deep down I know, that even though I sometimes have suicidal thoughts, I will never have it as far as actually killing myself. And even if I have a gun loaded to my head, I know i will never have the guts to take my own life. I just try to stay positive and try to do as much as i can do...
27 Oct 2005 The one no1 wants to be Well, here's my story. Back when I was 10 when me and my family were on a trip to the east coast, in our hotel room's bathroom, i told my mom i wanted to kill myself. And that idea came after 2 years of shit and fuck. I am now 14, and still thinks about the way i will kill myself someday, IF I WILL EVER.
So here is a little shitty facts about myself:
I am obese
I have no friends
90% of my class hates me
i have obssesive compulsive disorder
I have ADD and ADHD
I have never had a long term friendship with eny1
I have never had a girlfriend
I have never been kissed or hugged by a girl
i am pushed around and bullied in school
My own parents have steriotypes about me which are ba
My own parents do no listen to me EVER
I am the biggest loser in my town
I have tried getting drugs and am still trying
I am never happy for at least a day
I get upset and suicidal everyday.
I am afraid that if non of those things change in my life SOON, I might actually and for real kill myself.
About the drugs, I just think Well, if i'm gonna die, if i'm gonna kill myself I should take some drugs. At least die a happy death.

So basically, i have a fucked up life. I do not believe its worth it to take that pain and sufferage that seems to be getting worse over time. ANd just remember that this thought of suicide has been with me since I was 10. 10!
Again, basically, I hate myself and want to die.
But again, I dont know when or how or if I ever will Kill myself. But what I do know, Is that things really go worse as they seem to, and get seriously worse like they seem to, and if i have no resistence against it from any1, I might just do it.

JUST REMEMBER that im not psycho or anything. I was born with all of these disorders. I have tried so many different ways to help myself, but they all fail, and they're not worth trying.
Yes I am a depressed teen! Fuck this world. I am just not like other people.I dont know how to get along with people like most people do. im just different. Different in a bad way. Ohhhh very bad way. I am not meant for this world and cannot keep up with it. THER IS SO MUCH MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND PEOPLE AROUND ME CAN DO TO HELP ME. BUT THEY ALL SEEM TO IGNORE ME. I HATE THIS SHIT. WHY AM I THE ONE WITH ALL THESE PROBLEMS? WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO THAT I'M GETTING SHIT FROM ALL? FUCK THIS SHIT.
26 Oct 2005 Tom i've just sat here for ages....... reading everyones accounts of their lives etc, and its really quite sad and depressing but anyway on with my story.

I'm 15 now over the past 2 years i tried to kill myself about 4 times now, but i never could do it, the only reason i couldnt do it was because of my friends, they told me that they do care, and that they are always there for me. my killing method, tiny bit different to everyone elses, i have a 2"5 sword in my bedroom, dont ask why, i held it to my neck and was either going to shove it in, or fall so it stabbed straight through.

I just would like to say the three most important friends that helped me stay alive and show me that life is worth living. Liz was the first person that was there for me, then her friend stace.
but now i have a new face that loves and cares for me shes called Leigh, she is wonderful i dunno what i'd ever do without her now, i really like her now, and hope that we are good friends for a very long time, maybe more some day because i truely do love this girl.

but anyway i just hope that people do read these and take into consideration that their friends, family do care, even if they dont show it that often THEY DO
20 Oct 2005 HappySister There is no best way to kill yourself. You need to think of who you are leaving behind. Who loves you and wants you in their life. Believe it or not, you're loved. I caught my sister trying to commit suicide. Man was I scared. I told her I wish I had more time for her, but I have a really busy life; school and work. I love her with all my heart. And so does my family. We'd be lost without her. She never really thought of it that way though. Instead she felt sorry for herself, kept telling herself that she was all alone. Now we all make time for each other, I take her shopping and we go out for dinner. She concentrates more on school and things seem less complicating. I dont wanna lose my sister. I love her. Please think before you try and hurt yourself. You're not alone.
17 Oct 2005 bree how to start. my best friend thinks that the world hates her when she knows she's fine, i get so annoyed i just lost my friends twin sister to suicide, she hung herself at the age of 14 and all i can think is what a waste of life, i mean i ve tried to cut myself b4 and i cant do it the pain and then thinking why would of i been born if i wasnt meant to be here. my friend alwaizs says that she cuts her wrist and that she trys to hang herself but i think its a put on, she makes me feel down cus shes alwaizs talkin bout it, she made me think bout suicide she made me the way i am 2day. my life may not be the best but my family and friends love me and nothin is betta then that, bcus when u think about commiting suicide think about the ppl u are leaving behind not who would care. becus the world does, your family, ur friends, ppl u dont know would hate to see you die and will regret everything they have sedto u, so dont take it out on them its not there fault ur likr this as i was saying keep it to urself or tell a counciller cus frankly i dont want to feel put down cus my best friend feels down
17 Oct 2005 tormented soul i wish i could tell you that if you 13 you shouldn't off yourself cuz there is so much more to life. But then i'd be a hypocrite liar. I'm 21 and a lost child. I feel like there is no way out. Sure my parents love me, but when i tell them how i feel they say it's not that bad or get mad. i'm actually sitting here typing this slowly cutting myself. I'm not a pain person, in fact i fear pain. it just seems at this time to be the only way out. I cut and it goes away a little. I really wanna die and i don't know why. I mean i guess to some degree i do. on a deeper level i guess i don't. I mean sure there are always moments of joy or clearity but usually for me they are followed by moments of pain and despair. it's like everytime something good happens something bad happens too and it's not the opposite. I really think that if your 13. Just wait. High school is shit. Kids are shit. Being young is shit. you'll grow up and shit will change. but if you can't find a way out or a way to feel better like me by the time your 21. then i dunno. just don't be a lonely loser like me. I don't know you but i care. which is odd cuz at the moment i don't care about myself. But reading these made me think..i don't want anyone on here to die. and i hope some of the older postings..are still here. i wish i could gather each of you and make you feel better. but at the same time i understand your pain. so please don't give up and i'll try to do the same.
13 Oct 2005   I want to die. I deeply, truly want to end myself. I’m sick of this feeling that I can’t shake. I’m sick of trying to be a clown at school to cover up my insecurities. I’m sick of going to the bathrooms at school to cry before class. I’m sick of being yelled at for being late because of it. I’m sick of being alone. I want friends. I feel cold all the time. My room feels cold; empty. Not the cool breeze that I once enjoyed. It feels like death. There was “hope” yesterday. How foolish of me. I thought there was hope. I loved her. I still love her. She laughed. She laughed at me, like I was nothing. How cold that felt. As if my being sunk deep into my body and my skin became deadweight. I’m sick of not being able to get a job. I’m sick of failing school. I’m tired of not being able to advance any area of my life because they’re all intertwined. I fail school because I have no friends and can’t get a girlfriend and I lose all motivation. I’m in a program at school where I need to work a job to pass. I’m not motivated to get a job because of the same reason I’m not motivated at school. I went to apply at Target yesterday. I filled out an application at their kiosk. At the end I was supposed to pick up the phone and tell an associate that I had completed an application. I didn’t have the confidence. I didn’t have the confidence to pick up that phone. Seventeen. That’s how old I am. I’ve never been kissed. Never been held by a girl. Never been hugged. Seventeen. Fifteen. That’s how old the girl was that thought the idea of me being with her laughable. I want to die.
09 Oct 2005 wanting out I am different each day. Some i love life, others I am deadly. I can never really predict which day will be which. Some days, I escape writing poetry, others with a blunt or a bottle. It really depends on the time of day and the weekend. I really am not psycho though like everyone thinks i am. my family thinks im addicted to alcohol, which is no where near the idea. the fact is, i just am not happy with whom it is that i am, and that will not change. i havent accomplished anything that ive set out to accomplish in life, and while everyone thinks its funny and that im a big joke, i dont think i am. im frustrated because i want to be strong and good like everyone else is and i cant. and when i smile, i really want to be because im happy. not because im holding my tears back. today im depressed and i want to be like everyone else that can just give up and end it, but i just cant. there is always one person i want to hug, or another i havent seen in a while and i simply cant. i cant do a lot of things, though, and thats why im like this. i didnt put my email, either. i never would.
06 Oct 2005 MARY There was many times in my life i felt like giving up ending it all. Even thou they do'nt no it.It was my children who keep me from going even when there was days i think they'd be better off with out me.But i no how crewl this world could be .I have lost a few good friend,s.because they to felt they could'nt go on.Iall way's wish i could off said some thing to keep them here.With me i did'nt no to it was to late.So i live with the guilt of not knowing.Every days a challage everybody has good days bad days some days i dont want to be here at all.MUSIC is my joy make me a instrument to your peace.Where there is hatred let me show love.Where there is injury;pardonWhere there is doubt,faith Where there is despair,hope Where there is darkness,light;And where there is sadness,joy;Grant that i may not so much seek.to be consoled,as to console;To be understood,as to understand;So in the end you got a friend .Just remeber we where put on this planet to love as to be loved.This is only my opionion I Feel that it selfish I no how it feels to lose someone you love it very hurtful the feeling does,nt go away what if so don,t come off with that stupid shit.YOU GOT A FRIEND
04 Oct 2005 t-vo Welll.... I wouldnt commit suicide but i can relate to the deep depression & emptyness. I am also the "mr. smiles" at my school. I cant help it. I'm called stuff like bitch or faget and i have to just laph it off. in my opinion, society sucks. we abide to rules that try to control us. now back to suicide.... i would rather goinsane and try to kill as many as i could. HA HA AH. skrew the inocent, they need to be liberated from there life. Then they wont have to work. :-) but srsly, stop listening to emo and listen to punk, id suggest nervous breakdown by black flag
02 Oct 2005 me ive been thinking about killing myself. i feel so empty sometimes. and the sad part is no one even realizes it or notices. At school i always smile give compliment entertain people and generally i come off as a nice person. So what i want to know is will they miss me if i'm gone?
01 Oct 2005 Dont want to say I'm 15 and 16 in 7 days. I've tried committing suicide on several occassions and it isn't nice. Harming your body and yourself is also harmfull to the people around you. I was bullied at school and moved on to a new high school. In my other school, in the month of May, year 9 I taken an overdose. Which obviosuly didn't kill me, because I am here today writing this. Many think that overdosing is harmless, trust me on this one, it's not. Overdosing, is VERY painfull indeed, makes you feel like complete SH*T! It Hurts your stomach, throat, and makes you feel weak! Since then i've had councelling and moved on, i still Harmed my body, but now, I've stopped.
I Just want to say to those out there:
If you are thinking about suicide, then please think again.
You are here for a reason, you might not think that now, maybe because you are depressed, But infact everybody is here for a reason.
If you wasn't meant to be here, then you wouldnt have been born in the first place.
You may feel like SH*T at the minute, but there is somebody out there, somebody who will accept, love, care, hold you close when your cold.
That somebody is out there for YOU and everybody else!
Lifes SH*T - I know.
But if you think positive then you will come out of the tunnel at the bright side.
Being abused aint nice, I know i've been sexual abused!
Bullied isn't nice, I know I've been bullied.
Whatever you are going through, i wish i could sit and talk to you face to face, because being hurt is totally painfull.
To everyone out there that is hurting, if you TRY and believe in yourself, then you will be believed by others that suround you.
God bless you!
x
30 Sep 2005 Ira I am 30 years old and being that I've had suicidal thoughts myself as a teenager I understand that part. I also see how my life has greatly improved now and am happy that I am alive, have two wonderful children, and will re-marry soon. Life CAN be so beautiful when you grow up. It has nothing to do with your childhood. Life is what you make of it.

If someone told you that you would be happy some day, wouldn't you want to stay alive? Well I am telling you that you will be happy. You are a fighter, but you are unable to recognize it at this point. Your struggle points out that you're squirming and trying to fight back. Aren't you curious to see what will happen tomorrow? Well lovely things will happen. It sucks to be a teenage child, I know that. But it's so good to be an adult. No more insecurity, you don't depend on other people, you love and respect yourself for who you are and you make your own choices. Life is beautiful. Not always, but very often. There is a lot of pain and joy at the same time. Please don't kill yourself! If you think nobody cares about you... I assure you, I do!
Love,
Your Ira
30 Sep 2005 Crystal I was taken to hell and I watched big guards with spears herding people to a judge sitting on a throne. One by one the prisoners were made to stand in front of the judge and he read their crimes from a scroll. Then the guards grabbed teh prisoner and threw him off the cliff into the lake of lava or fire. There were lots of people in the lake and they didn't die. Their flesh was dripping off but they were still alive in agony. God took me to hell to warn me not to try and kill myself again. I was trying to kill myself from an overdose
28 Sep 2005 Ira I see that most of you feel that the best way to kill yourself is to stay alive! But that's so untrue.
There are ways to get out of your misery. The reason why you want to commit a suicide is because you are in deep depression. You need to:

1. remove the reason for depression;
2. to cure the depression.

Depression is successfully cured by taking medications regularly. They make you feel good so you won't need drugs or alcohol. All you have to do is visit a therapist. They WILL NOT ask you to tell them how your father beat you or made you please him orally or any other terrible story you don't feel like sharing. All you have to do is say: "I don't feel like sharing my life story with anyone at this point so please don't ask me any questions. I am in deep depression and have suicidal thoughts and fantasies regularly. I want to fight my depression and not take drugs or drink. Please help me. I would like to try some anti-depressants and perhaps some kind of therapy (later)."

Please remember that the shrinks are not cops and they will not interrogate you, judge you or blame you for anything. They deal with cases like yours every single day. They chose to help people like you, because they care, not because they judge them.

Medications raise your mood and help you feel okay. If you're not content with your medications, ask for another brand. Not every medication helps everyone. Sometimes it takes time to find the right one so make sure you cooperate with your therapist and listen to his or her instructions. There is nothing to be ashamed of. And don't start any therapy at your own responsibility - there are people who are paid to take care of you. Now doesn't that sound good? :)

The other thing you need to think about is what caused your depression. In most cases it's abusive parents. You need to remove yourself from any abusive situations. Go to school, do your homework, find a job, make friends online, engage in some activity that makes you feel good and that will drag you away from the abusers. Don't do anything aggressive, it will make your life even more miserable. You need to understand that not all people are evil and not everybody's life sucks. If your parents are sexually or physically abusive, you need to talk to the social worker that is in charge for your area. They will not put you to a foster home if you show that you're responsible and reliable. They will help you cope with the situation and make the abuse stop. If you've been sexually abused, tell your mother or social worker about it. If you're put in a foster home and the foster parent abuses you, report them! You need to fight for your destiny, not let other people destroy you as they please.

I was sexually abused by the step-father and I wanted to kill myself. I've been having a drinking problem for many years. I married the wrong guy and he left me with two little babies. While I was married I tried to kill myself twice. I just wanted to attract my mom's and ex-husband's attention, but I could've ended up in comma and/or mentally destroyed for the rest of my life. Michael Douglas' brother tried to kill himself with pills, fell in comma, and is now mentally and physically ill.

There IS help to reach out there, you just need to look for it. I've been happy my whole teenage life and I didn't look for help. I should have. I blamed myself for what happened to me and I wasn't even aware what was going on in my life and why. I thought I deserved the misery. But I didn't.

My misery stopped when I left home (the step-monster). That was when I got married. My ex-husband told my mother that he had molested me and she divorced him right away. Since then I became much happier - the reason for my misery was removed for good. Then I got divorced and I realized that another reason for unhappiness (my ex and his daughter) was removed too. Then I wanted to find true love, I put my profile on a dating site, and found a nice boyfriend. We broke up 8 months later, but he brought my self-confidence and self-esteem back, appreciated my personality very much, and I felt loved again. He still loves me very much.

Another reason for unhappiness is my mother who is emotionally abusive (I still live with her). She calls me and my kids names, tells me I am worth nothing, yells at us (we yell back at her, of course), tells us that nobody will ever love us or put up with our shit, that I am a bad mother and don't care about my children (so untrue!), and many other painful things.

But I am beyond her influence now. I am too strong to be affected by her crappy statements. She feels guilty for what she let be done to me, she feels bad for her own miserable life, bad health, etc. I love her very much, but I decided to not mix love with hate. Just because I love her doesn't mean I will believe her words and think she is good. She is not good. She is what she is and I am what I am. I know I am good. I know I am worth loving and living with. I just don't care what she says. I will re-marry soon and leave her forever. I will NEVER again let anyone ruin my life. I will be in charge of it. And I will never do to my children what she did/is doing to me.
I am now 30 years old, have two beautiful 7-year old sons, met the love of my life a year ago, and will soon re-marry and move to another country. My new BF is wonderful. I pray to God (or whatever power is above us) to give my children and the people I love good health, and I will take care of the rest. Nothing will stop me from being happy this time!!!
27 Sep 2005 The Nameless Aright, I stumbled across this site nearly a year ago. I was in the middle of class, oblivious to everything around me. I was 16 and I wanted out. Now, I'm 17.

I'm not here to talk anyone out of suicide, or anyone into it. As much as I hate to tell things about myself, I'm going to tell you all a little... maybe a lot. I know there's a lot of people that have been here and completely agree, and completely disagree about the whole thing. Well, here's a little view on the neutral, uncaring, people hating, life hating side.

It never really hit me before, in the past 4 years of my sinking depression, that I could remember having the very same thoughts 10 years ago. I always wondered "what would happen if I just grabbed the knife and stabbed myself?" Everytime when I was little and I walked past those knives, that's what I thought. My parents were, and pretty much still are alcoholics. The only thing that stopped me then, was a child's fear of pain. At 11 I was sexually abused by some kid I met. At 14, after being arrested, I reached a breaking point and from then on I have slit my wrists multiple times. I've wanted to end it multiple times. I've had 3 hospital visits under those circumstances, and under malpractice. I've been allergic, immune, and have had the opposite effects from multiple anti-depressants. The therapists here are horrible. They only want money and don't give a shit about you, or understand you. I couldn't eat or drink anything while on cymbalta but the psychiatrist wanted me to keep taking it, and they can't keep a schedule.. EVER. That's just the physical problems with my depression.

I never feel worth the time. I can't see myself with a future. I don't have the motivation to get a job, or do anything. Everyone thinks I'm such a great artist... I don't. I look at everyone else's art and I can't understand why mine's so great. Everyone thinks I'm so pretty. I don't really think so. I don't feel worthy of my friends, and I don't feel worthy of my boyfriend, whose forgiven me, and cared for me and would give up the world for me. I've screwed up and hurt so many people. Nearly everyone I trust stabs me in the back. I don't like people at all, but for some reason, many of them love me. The people that hate me is a different story. These people, I didn't do anything to... I've been framed, betrayed, and rumors have run wild because someone, wanted attention and couldn't deal with their own shit. I became a person to blame everything on. I didn't do a damn thing and this person wants me dead. My current best friend, used to be her best friend and originally started talking to me because she told him to kill me... It may seem twisted to you that my best friend originally wanted to kill me (not because he personally wanted to, but because he was doing what he thought would help a friend) but I wouldn't choose anyone else for a friend. I wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for him. And likewise, he wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me... That and no matter how many times he's tried, and numerous dangerous ways, it just has never worked.
I'm glad that he and my boyfriend are around, because I don't know what I'd do without them, especially at home. My mom at least understands... most of the time. But when she's pissed, you just don't want to be near her because she can say some nasty things sometimes. My dad, however, things I'm a worthless piece of shit. I guess I might as well be. As for school, it's a prison, and the people in it, are for the most part, horrible little sluts, bitches, assholes, and bullies. Of course... it doesn't exactly help when you're bi I guess either. Most of the girls don't care because they know I'm not going to do anything... but the guys are always out to get you into bed with them and their girlfriends. Sure, I'll kiss a girl in public. I think it's so stupid that there are (mainly) girls out there that find it gross. Boys and girls have the same damn skin on their lips and if you think that's gross then you might as well tear your own lips off too.

Now, I know there are probably people out there that are saying "you just want sympathy from everyone." If you're one of those people... Fuck You. Don't judge me. I know someone who really does do it all for attention. She shows her wrists off and complains about them at school. She always has crazy stories about the shit that goes on at home and there's no proof. But of course, she always says mommy and daddy had a fight, mommy walked in while I tried to down my pills.. while I was bleeding... blah blah blah. She says she's been to Juvie, Boot Camp, smoking, doing drugs, has a custom guitar and drum set and her own band, dirtbikes, surfboard, skateboard etc, when she was 8... But she can't do any of them now and there is no proof either. If you want to say that I'm that histrionic, sympathy sucking, know-it-all, show-everyone-up bitch that I know from personal years of a bullshit friendship... then you are sadly mistaken. This is the kind of shit that makes me say life sucks and how anyone that's gone through worse can pull through, I don't know. I don't know that my life will get worse, or better. But it hasn't been great, I can tell you that. I still have my really bad days... when I want to say hello to my jagged little knife again. I've put him away for the last 9 months... the longest time ever. I try not to think about it. But, myself liking pain... it's hard to resist sometimes.

So far all of you contemplating life or death, I'd say go ahead and e-mail me, but you're life is not my business. You have to make your own choice and whether or not someone's there to say 'dont do it' or 'I understand' can be a small or big factor. Fact is... if you're really set on doing it, you wouldn't be able to be talked out of it. But second guessing yourself is a chance you can always take if you're not really sure. One day you'll know what you really have to do. I still don't know.

Now, pertaining to the question... just to stay on task. Maybe this won't work for someone under 13, but I know there's a lot of young people that know people WAY older than them. Anyways, either have someone 18 get you a couple of boxes of triple c, or steal a couple boxes. Find your parents bottle of vodka, or have someone buy you one... Now... put them together like this:

Down the boxes of Corricidin C+C, (not all the pills at once... if you don't weigh much, you might need just 1 box) Then, drink shot after shot till you're feeling pretty drunk. (or just chug the bottle. Might want a chaser though) Grab yourself a razor. By the way you should be feeling, your judgement will be pretty off and you'll probably get yourself a good deep cut or two.. or three... if you have a nice razor, knife, whatever. It'll probably work really well if you use a serated one. After that, either keep drinking until you pass out... or just sit there and wait to. Don't know how well this'll do the trick for those of you that have made up your mind, but this was pretty much my plan not too long ago. You probably wont feel too bad, unless of course you have a bad reaction to the CCC. Then you'll end up with a seizure and possible seeing your body underneath you (meaning you're either dead or hallucinating a LOT) Hopefully, this way you can go out having a little fun before you pass out and die in your sleep. (That's if you dont have the seizure... and chances of that are low unless you've been chronically using Triple C as of lately)

I don't know how long this is, but hopefully something I said, got inside someones head, whoever it was meant for. I don't play sides, so hopefully there was a little bit of something for everyone.

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