|Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.|
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?
Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
|06 Dec 2006||Ashley||Ok. So believe me, I've considered it all. My best friend, confidant and love just passed away. It's been ONE month. NEVER before have I had these kind of thoughts, but now....I do. I miss him. He was the love of my life and now I am left with only memories. It sucks and it hurts. But listen to me. Times will get hard. You will feel like giving up, cause it seems so easy. But don't be so selfish. No matter what you think, there is SOMEONE out there that cares. Someone that it will effect, I promise you. Trust me, I wanna give up everyday, but I can't be so selfish...my death will only hurt many other people. Life is hard and unfair, no one said it would be easy. I promise, with time, the hurt you are feeling will slowly go away and you will feel more content. It is hard for me to get up every single day without him, but I do it...because I know he'd want me to. Be strong, it will all work out. No innocent lives are with it. You are stronger than that, and you have people standing behind you. talk to me...I will be here, promise.|
|06 Dec 2006||Natasha||im i5 now, but when i was 14 i was having the shittiest life in the world. I had depression and all i would do when i got home was hit my head against my closet harder and harder and think of how i could get rid of it. The only thing i could think of was suicide. I ended up in hospital for one night, might not sound much but it changed me, the next week i accidently cut myself with a knife on my thumb. I saw the cut and burst into tears. I couldnt do it. I was scared of my own thoughts and actions.
What appnend was my parents set up an appointment with some counselor and it helped me a lot.
If my parents hadnt helped me through that time, i never want to think what to think would of happenend.
Im now 15, so much better, the best friends ever, the best parents ever and all of this was because my parents stuck with me til the end.
Some advice. The only thing i can say is dont do it. You may want to, but why take your life when all ur gunna do is cause more pain?
Thats all i got.
Just promise me you will stick with your friend, parent or whoever is thinking of suicide and if its you consider what it will do to others and you have to stick it out. Its painful i know, you will know what i mean though, thats my promise to you guys.
|02 Dec 2006||nathan||dudes to all who read this stop and think what yoy are about to do and dont say you dont know how it feels cause im fourteen and now have seventeen scars on my arm !how do you think they will feel i had a girlfreind a life and freinds and i was on holidays and now im scarred for life ! i was lucky i was found in time others werent dont make the same mistake i did 1please|
|01 Dec 2006||Juliet||i am 13 right now. and i`ve sat here on the computer for about 5 hours reading alot of these stories, it made me feel emotional and made me cry as well. i finally felt like im not the only one in this world that is going through all this bullshit and so on . before i even checked out this website. i had a HUGE arguement with my friend . she said that i needed to chill. take time to think. and stop being helluh stupid. at that point i got pissed and cussed her the fuck out . my depression was taking over. by the time i found this site. i`ve re-thinked everything over [ commiting suicidde ] and all that shit. and i felt so horrible about all these stories and that you should live your life. dont plan your dream, live it. and dont let your depression take over. cause its just all bullshit your gonna go through in the afterlife . you might not know whats gonna happen on in the future. so just live it to the fullest and be happy with it what life gave you . should already know that life always come with consequences. but that consequence bounces back and turns everythinig around. so just believe in what you`ve got . i am currently going through alot right now . the funny type the one that is always alone and lunch time and have no friends to talk to. having to see every girl/boy with their friends, make me tink about how lonely i am. i come home every day from school . go straight to the bathroom aand think what is it about me that makes me have a shitty as life. i think of my self as ugly ever since 1 st grade. since i was called ugly since the 1st grade ! so i just think.. mayb this is just a silly game played by god. and why he would be doing this . but i`ve gone through all this crap. i found friends. bestfriends.truse friends. and even fake friends. just know what you dont need boyfriends to complete chur life. player boys treat girls like barbie dolls. strip them,fuck them, and then throw them away . so dont ever let a guy take controll over you .
i have so much to say but i will write more another time.
just be happy . i still going through difficulties and I even need help.
but im giving all this a good thinking.
mayb we can help eachother out.
im am available 24/7.
just e-mail me at email@example.com
im nice and the funny type.
|01 Dec 2006||ROBIN||I'VE JUST TURNED 17, HAVING THOUGHT OF TAKEN MY LIFE A GOOD FEW TIMES DURING THE FIRST 15 YEARS OF MY LIFE
I COULD GIVE YOU A SOB STORY OF MY LIFE AND WHY I WANTED TO END IT BUT ITS NOT IMPORTANT
SO YOU WANT TO KNOW THE BEST WAY TO KILL YOURSELF ? IF THINKING OF ENDING YOUR LIFE , MY FRIEND YOU'RE DEAD ALREADY.
MY BEST FRIEND WAS A STRONG BELIEVER IN THE LORD JESUS CHRIST AND HIS CONSTANT CHATS OF A BETTER LIFE , OF MY LIFE HAVING PURPOSE NEVER REALLY MADE SENSE, UNTIL I HELD HIS BLOODIED BODY IN MY HANDS. HE HAD BEEN A VICTIM OF A RANDOM NEIGHBOURHOOD SHOOTING .
THAT WAS IT FOR ME - THAT DAY I WAS DETERMINED TO END MY LIFE
BUT SOMETHING URGED ME TO WAIT - TO GO HIS FUNERAL - I THEN LEARN'T OF HIS ABUSIVE DAD ,OF HOW HIS MUM HAD DIED OF CANCER , OF HOW HE WORKED 3 JOBS TO SUPPORT HIMSELF AND HIS 2 YOUNGER SISTERS AND THE CONSTANT THREATS AND ASSUALTS HE FACED
I DID NOT KNOW MY BEST FRIEND AT ALL
ITS FUNNY BUT HIS DEATH TAUGHT ME TO LIVE
I'M NOT AFRAID OF DEATH - ITS THE LIVING THAT'S THE HARD PART
BUT I WILL NOT BE A COWARD, I WILL WAKE UP EACH DAY . I WILL RUN THIS RACE
|29 Nov 2006||Rianna||I just read all of the postings up on this site. Part of me wants to say that i'm being selfish for wanting to even think about commiting suicide. Although it may not seem like it at times, i know there are people who love me. Especially my mother and father. They are probably the only two people that have made me reconsider any attempts of taking my life. Well, i have tried overdosing on pills, but as we all know that one doesn't do much. I tried to drink myself to death one point last year, and all i got was alcohol poisoning. it kinda fucking annoys me when people post up on this site A"dont kill ur self im here for you" because all of us are strangers on this damn thing. The only person i would want to be there for me would be someone that meant something to me. not seeking help and counseling through a god damn box over the internet. Things do get better, over time, time heals everything ive found. But at some points i just want to give up. i feel like sometimnes i have nothing to lvie for. i have no goals, and really no accomplishments. if my life seems as awful as it does now, i don't even wnat to know what it will be like in 10 years. cuase chances are, things ar eonly going to get worse. i just.....want something from this life. if im gunna live, i want to live for something. and right now it seems as though i have nothing. i've lost to many friends, simply from jsut withdrawing from them and other reasons. ive finally worked my way to graduation, in january, but at this point...i don't even want to. i've been doing it for my parents. not me. fuck college, it's not for me. i jsut want someone to love me for me and not have so mnany fucking haters in this world. and wish people would stop fucking judging all the time.|
|27 Nov 2006||S I N||I attempted suicide once. I tried to take a lot of ibuprofen. I didn't die, but I did realize that I will always fail at suicide.
Feeling suicidal is a feeling of emptiness, misery and pain. It is a feeling of not having a future, a wish to destroy oneself, a feeling of endless hurt. Suicide is the end of a walking depression.
I felt suicidal once. Then I felt it all the time.
|24 Nov 2006||susan D.||I,ve read alot of messages on this site, and they are so touching and profound. I just finished reading one about Eric, and I completely, understand. You have to try and get a moment of fun, here and there, when you can. It,s not to inspiring, but that is life. I,ve been suicidal off and on, nearly my whole life. My mother was from a third world country, when she married my dad, whom was also a foreginer, and they divorced when I was only five. There began the violent rages of my mother, towards my siblings, and me. She constantly yelled, and I do mean yelled, at us, hit us etc. etc. We were poor,had no car.lived in a trailer, were on welfare. I was never allowed to spend the night, or go over to my friends houses, hardly, or go to school dances, etc. I grew up shy , but also a bully. They can both be in one person. I use to bully my poor "sweet" brother mercifully, maybe because I felt so helpless, I had to make others feel the same.Because all this negativity I feel, was the reason he turned out "gay. He recently died of a massive heart attack, brought on by years of drinking himself to death. My sister is a prostitute drug addict, and now as an adult my life turned out a "little" better, in some aspects than theirs, but only by appearances, sake. I started prostituting when I was seventeen, and my stepmother didn,t even care enough, to stop me. In fact she encouraged me, then bad mouthed me to everyone. I wanted someone to love me,and say no, please don,t, but they never did. I would have stopped, if someone had cared enough, to say something to me. Even though I,ve met some of the most famous men, in the world doing that, really, you would never no it from who I am. I,m pretty, but makes no difference. My mother is getting old, and I am scared to death, when she will die. I,ll be all alone. I learned to understand, my mom as I got older. She,s my friend now, but what am I going to do when she dies. When I was a child, I was teasinbg a girl, that had a Caul, on her face,( that,s a mark that appears, on people that are born with psychic ability,) and anyways, after she had enough of me, she finally blurted out, that I was Going to kill myself. It seemed so bizarre, because at that age I had not ever thought or even knew what suicide was. I was about ten. I don,t want to think she,s right, but she just might be. I have know friends that live near me, to do things with, no "sweetie", I did though. I pray for all you people on this site, and don,t do it. You as well, as your family with suffer, immensely if you do. I,ve learned about that by studying metapsychics. Life is a hell on earth, and when you die naturally, you go home. If you kill yourself,from what i,ve read you won,t be reunite with your loved one,s. Hey! just that line that I wrote, made me wise up, at least for a moment. I want to see my "wonderful", brother again. We also, became friends,as I grew older. Love you all. Stay strong..... and have a bit of fun Love sue|
|24 Nov 2006||Chris J. Hillier||When I was 13, alot of people(Doctors, parents, friends, etc)... believed that I had some sort of mental problem. And "beating everyone to the end" seemed to be one of the only fantasies on my mind... In 7th grade, I've had 3 different experiences that have ultimately changed my life forever..
I've drowned in my own 5 ft. deep pool and lived to tell everyone how its like to be dead for a few minutes.
The second attempt came from a number of pills...and alcohol, and even a plastic bag over my head... Unfortunetely, the door to my room wasn't locked, and if my Dad hadn't ironically got off early from work, I wouldnt be writing this..
And of course, the 3rd attempt came from a pistol... Except this experience was probably the scariest few moments of my life... It of course being an extremely unsuccesful attempt, left me with a bullet in the calf of my left leg...
I'm almost 19 years old now, and to this day, contemplating suicide is breakfast...lunch...and dinner... For my mind... My future, is the most depressing thought I could possibly imagine... Because the only thing I can see, is the same pain I have felt since that time when I was young.
I am not like others... but like many people who have tried to "free themselves".. I too am trying to seek an understanding to all of this shit, and for once, someone who can understand my own self...
My answer lies not with God, because I do not seek salvation, only to be rejected into the rest of all reality... Positive and negative aspects of ANYTHING, will compete with eachother... no matter what... and it's hard for me to accept something like that.
The story of my life might as well be a fuckin book up to this point. But all I have nowadays to defend myself from...myself... is to try and appreciate this one thing(life), to cherish and love it... To do what I love, to lift myself from the grave I've tripped and fell into countless times.
But the scar reminds us.
All I can say... is that if you attempt to free your soul... make sure it makes it all way out of your body, Because there is a long unpredictable life ahead of you.
|21 Nov 2006||Erik||Hello again. This is Erik. A couple of people commented on my October post and someone mentioned that I didn't provide an e-mail address. Well I set up a new e-mail address that you can use to contact me if you want. The user is "erik_the_loser" and the domain is "mindspring.com" (put 'em together with an "@" in the middle and you'll have an e-mail address).
Also one person brought up the subject of what your suicide would do to others and how their pain wouldn't compare to the pain you are going through yourself. Well, you are probably right, but I'm not sure that changes anything. Maybe someday our families and friends will realize that and learn to just let us go (did you ever see or read "The Martian Chronicles"?). But I doubt it. It's instinctual and not really their fault that they don't want to give us up. I once read an interesting obituary in the newspaper though. A man had committed suicide at the age of about 40. The man's father didn't call it a tragedy or anthing. He said that the poor guy just never was right for this world. Maybe it takes that many years for a parent to finally realize it.
What I really wish is that people would simply stop making babies. Maybe if everyone understood how we really feel, they would no longer want to make babies, and then all this would finally stop.
Look at the poor third-world countries. You see documentaries and commercials about them on late night TV. Millions of babies are starving. They do nothing but cry and starve in sickness all day and yet the people just keep making more babies. Just look at that for a while and use your brain. Do you really think humanity is headed somewhere good? How much sense does it take to figure out that adding babies is not going to turn things around? And why don't humans even have that much sense? (Hmm. Let's see . . . We have a million starving babies in our city and, hmm . . . no food. What should we do? Hmm . . . I dunno. Fuck it!) Why don't we all just stop making babies and try to feed the ones who are already here and starving. Then maybe we could at least go out on a high note.
I don't have anthing positive to say as usual. Well there is one thing I guess. The guy who answered the question of how to kill yourself with "Enroll at UC Berkeley and major in mathematics" -- he made me laugh out loud.
Anyway, if all you need is someone to listen to your story then you can send me an e-mail. But don't expect me to give you a reply with a bunch of "Oh things will get better and God has a purpose for your life" crap. I have no idea whether things will get better. But I'll read it and I won't judge you. Heh, I'm nobody to judge anybody.
|21 Nov 2006||sarah||After finding this site i discovered that many people jus fell upon it like i did. iwas not looking for this site but now i found it, i feel obligated to write something. Im not goin to come on here n tel u my life story because the point that im making is everybody has a sad story, everybody has problems. No matter what anybody says everybody has problems no matter how big or how small they all matter in this world. On my path to self- discovery (which im still on) i found this little peice of information that was useful, people have suicidal thoughts because the pain you deal with overtakes the resources you have to cope with it. For three long years i have dealt with many of things that people have sed on this site but that doesnt make me give up,that doesnt make me fall it jus makes me stronger. It makes me believe that when i get suicidal thoughts i will jus have to get a resource to cope with it, that can be family, friends, therapists, even a dog jus something to let everythin out.
At one stage i thought suicide was the best action i will ever do but what i ironically forgot was that it would be the last action i would ever take.. if you are suffering, lonely or even sad don't you believe that this is the end, don't you give up because i no that inside of you that little boy or girl that is crying will soon cheer up. But what do i no... im only 16 but one thing i no for sure is that ive lived for 16 years with no regrets even if i did try to kill myself, and ive got my whole future ahead of me.. dont chu wana feel dat too... believe me when i say that if you don't like the way life is going then say fukkk off n change it, u don't have to live with anything you don't like. To all the people out there suffering i send all my love..
|20 Nov 2006||ashley||ive tryed to kill myself quit a number of times now,and guess wat it didnt wrk. i am now 16 when i was 12 it was the worst time of my life i couldnt stand living in this shit world.when i was 12 i was rapped and sexual harrazd by my uncel and later on my parents got a divorce it was hard for me but the worst just started i lived with my mom she didnt give a shit bout me i went out wit friends smoke cigerettes,drank,smoke pot,and all tht shit. i was abused my my mother and she tryed to kill me more then once, once she bleeched my food and i ended up in the hospital for weeks,then she ran me over with a car except she acuallty hits me more then once, i hated my mother later she beat me and kicked me out of the house. i went to go live wit my uncel tht raped me i had no chocie, my dad left when i was 7, i never saw him since. the last thing he said to me was forget bout me ull hav more to face, and he was right i had alot my shit comin my way... at 13 i moved out of my uncels and moved in the with guy i fell in love wit, he cared too much i though i would never lose him,until i found out he cheated on me tht mintue i found out i was crush i took my stuff and left i lived on the streets for a couple of days, then one night a cop found me and took me to an orphanig, and after a year or 2 i went back wit my bitchy mom , she didnt change, i never talked to her i was always out cuz i couldnt stand seein her. i came home one day and she was just too mad i went to my room and cut like crazy next thing i woke up in a closet my mom locked me in ther wit nothin but a towel for my wrists i guess, and food on a plant i could tell she put summin in it so i left it i didnt knw wat time it was so i guess i was in there for a 2 or 3 days. when i finally got out i ran away when to my grama's in another town when i went there i finally saw my dad i was cryin on the ground, from tht point i lived wit them my mom still doesnt knw where i am and i dont thnk she even cares, ive gone through all the pain and the tears but i bet theres more comin, im just so happy to be there and those times i tryed to kill my self i happy the turned out the way they did, but it wasnt the end later on my dad got violent, he beat me i was in the car with him arguing and the last thing i said was now its my trun to leave.... and tht was tht i live live with my bf now and happy as can be i just hope it doesnt get to the point where i snap but suicide isint the best way to go so dont try and do it, it just leads u into more shit. try and fight it, xoxo|
|19 Nov 2006||joe||I hate this world, it is just not fair. How are we going to compete with others when your rich parents set you up for life? If my father is George Bush senior I am sure my life will not be as miserable as I am now. I want to prove myself to the world and trying not to fall into the traps of the world. In the beginning, I just look at other's happiness and pretend they will also be my own one day. Time flows, i never thought my hand could get so cold, so is my love for life and the world.
I want to see the world, yet I am hidding in the corner, just want to be along. My questions will never be solved... it is just not fair. Your riches parents sets you up for life, I only have one parent and she is not rich.
I think about a lot, if I want to break free, I have to try twice as hard, try to work, try to study, try to keep a relation, try to love, try to be sad, try to be happy... twice as hard. Three times as hard, four times as hard, even if I succed, it will not mean I will be better than you, but I have to work harder.
sometimes I think about people who are less fortunate than me, people who are getting killed in middle east, people who are starving in african. I find their soul resonate with mine. We don't have the perception of yellow, green, blue, red.. but we can only see the world as black and grey. Our hope will not last forever, but one day it will die like our body. It's not fair.
I hate this world, the only freedom I have is the freedom to kill myself. I wish time pass faster.
I wish you to know, we want to die not because we don't have the fighting spirit, not because we are weak, not because we are crazy. It is because of family, friends, the world took away our freedom to be who we are. I am tired of running a foot race against your father's fancy sports cars, I am tired of fighting a fist fight when you holding your mother's gun. fuck all of you, I am tired of life, tired of you.
|12 Nov 2006||Still hopeful||I don't think any person should try to commit suicide, especially if you are 13 and under. It makes me sad to read some of these entrys and see how many people are depressed these days. I think this site is really great though, it made me realize a lot. I'm not alone. I think that may be the main reason why people want to die. They have nobody to share life with. I really felt like I was the only person in the world with no friends, a broken heart, and no hope. Everybody I love lies to me. Everyone thinks I'm a joke. Nobody considers my feelings or thoughts anymore. I don't understand life. I just can't face it anymore. It's so hard when nobody's on your side and way harder when everyone's against you. I've tried to kill myself multiple times. When I was 16 I tried to kill myself with 3 bottles of some random pills, then when I was 17 I tried to hang myself with the cord of a blow dryer from my shower head, then I hit 18 and my life came together. I was happy, I had a job and my family. Then October hit and it went downhill from there... in June I jumped out of a moving vehicle going 40 (I wasn't driving). All I'm trying to say is that I've been you, whoever you are. I feel your pain, but I'm happy to be alive. Death is not the answer. All you have to do is realize you are not alone, if you really are like me accept it for what it is. And learn to be okay with yourself for a while, nothing is forever, things are always changing, be strong.
|12 Nov 2006||Asja||Today my friend commit suicide. He hung himself in a closet. A few months back another one of my friends commit suicide, he shot himself, and about 4 years ago a guy at the highschool I graduated from commit suicide he shot himself. My whole point is when ur sad and u think things cant get any worse ur wrong things almost always get worse b4 they get better. when u think somethin is good theres always better. suicide is not the answer its the easy way out. I been depressed before and have felt like commitin suicide on multiple occasions. But things change and life goes on u maybe in the dark a long time but the light will always come.|
|11 Nov 2006||Beatriz||Okay,
My name is Beatriz.
I let so many things affect me.
These are just a couple of the things that are wrong with my life...
1. When I was born, my father was off getting drunk.
2. My father tried to kill my Mother twice.
3. My Father has hit and abused my mother in front of me when i was young. He almost killed her
4. My father is a deppressed and an alcoholic.
5. My father is Dead. He died from alcohol poisoning.
6. The night before my father died I was angry at him because i knew he was off getting drunk. So I said if he dies i don't care. My mom even told me to stay awake and wait for him.
7. I am thousands of miles away from his grave. He was buried in Mexico.
8. I get beaten up by my mom and used to by my dad before he died.
9. My mother always tells me how she hates me, likes my siblings better, and how its my fault my father died.
10. My mother is having an affair with her manager. Who has a pregnant wife and a daughter that ran away.
11. My mother got an abortion because she said she felt like she was going to die if she had the baby
12. My mother is trying to get pregnant again.
13. I am depressed and suicidal.
14. I have tried to kill myself 10 times. And I have been very close to killing myself so many times that i lost count.
15. Exactly 9 months before my father died, we bought a new house, so now we are poor.
16. I am expected to feed myself and my little sister.
17. I always fight with my mother.
18. I see the dead
17. I am taken for granted by my Mother
I am Catholic but I am not going to try to rub my religion all over you like others do. I always fantasize about my death. But if you really think about it we dont have it all that bad. Some people are starving to death and dont want to die. But here we are well nourished (unless you have an eating disorder) and we want to die. That would just be a waste of life. My friend has so many problems, way more than me, her father has tried to kill her. Have your parents tried to kill you? And some kids here are sad because their friends commited suicide, it shows how much you know about your friends. They probably had crap going on in their lives, and there you are amazed and sad because they killed themselves. You were probably not a good friend to them, and now you want to kill yourself?! Thats the most stupid thing I have heard in years. Live with it! Its not you that had all the problems that they had. And I dont think that they would like it if you killed yourself anyways. And people that say nobody loves you, someone has to. Your grandma, aunt, uncle, mom, dad, grandpa, cousin, friend, dog, anything. My grandma and grandpa hate my family because they think that we did that to my father. My other grandparents are dead. I know someone that does love me. Its my cousin. My baby Cousin. He always is good to me. I love him back.
Someone must love you.
If you dont believe so or just want someone to talk to email me,
|10 Nov 2006||Chris||I tried killing myself 2 times, first time with 300mg muscle relaxors, that didn't work, so I kicked it up a notch, I tried killing myself with 1360mg of oxycotton, my point is, don't use pills, they don't fucking work!|
|05 Nov 2006||Ashley||I have found that killing yourself is not the way out. I work at a hospital and I see many of you under 13 come in trying to overdose, or shoot yourself and were unsuccessful. Then you become a vegetable the rest of your life in constant pain and or on a ventilator having to wear a diaper because your brain is partially dead.
There is hope.
I know a man named Jesus that takes all the bad away when you realized that he loved you enough to die for you.
Pray to God. He will give you answers. He will give you peace on the inside.
My dad molested me and my mom beat me up every day and because of what Jesus did for my life and the relation I have with him, I am now a nurse and have a family of my own and I am happy.
It is possible.
Dont give up.
Call on Jesus.
|27 Oct 2006||finally happy||ok, you know what? suicide is a BAD FUCKING IDEA. im 15 now, and i tried to kill myself TWICE. ok, the first time i tried to cut my wrists, but i chickened out. the second time, i was going to hang myself from a tree branch. i had it all set up, tied the noose, and had it around my neck. i was sitting on the branch, which was about 10 feet off the ground. ok, i thought to myself, this is it. i was absolutely sure that suicide was the only way out of my problems. so i jumped. and thats all i remember. when i woke up, i was laying on the ground with the tree branch next to me. it had snapped. my suicide failed. and if i had to pick a single moment that i am glad turned out the way it did, it would be that moment. becuz i hav found in the last few years that suicide isnt the way out. and some may say that ohh... im so pathetic, my life will never get any better. FUCK YOU. its never gonna get better with ur shitty ass attitude. you need to work constantly at being happy. take chances, ask ppl out. make friends instead of waiting for someone to come to you. and whatever you do, please do not kill yourself. because i had a friend, his name was andy howard, some of you may know him from the band Twisted Method. well he killed himself, and it devestated all his frieds, including me, and his family. no matter how fucked up your life may be, please just deal with it, becuz no matter what you think, if you kill yourself, youre cheating, God intends to test us all thru this life, and if you make it to the end of your life, then you win, you made it, you can enjoy FOREVER in heaven. by the way, google heaven and hell, what are they? theyre figurative terms for the best and worst situations you can imagine. ok, now lets look at a comparison, how long does the normal person live? like 80 years? ok, fine, suffer for your 80 fucking years. then when you make it to the end, you go to heaven. forEVER. not just another 80 years. its like highschool. if you go all the way, you graduate, you hav the knowledge and the ability to suceed in life. but if you drop out, its gonna suck ass. so please read this, and remember that no matter how shitty your life may be, it can only get better! so work to make it better, instead of doing something that will fuck yourself, and make your family and freinds feel like shit too.|
|25 Oct 2006||Chrissy||I justed wanted to say dont give up.
I have felt really low of late and I know that I wont commit suicide it would be to devastating for my already long suffering family.
I for a long time saw myself as a joke, someone not worth two carrots.I wanted to prove something to the world and say that I had a right to be here and I left my home to go to university. It has been the hardest Thing I ever did. I become isolation cutting myself of from old friends who I saw as part of my problem of going nowhere in life.
Most of all I wanted respect but which could be gained in a way that made me something individual - I would join the un having been in a society at univeristy and wanting to help people I found the most pluristic and worldy body that could help me achieve this.
My lack of descent education has been my strongest barrier on this journey. My desire for the UN has waned as I believe I had recovered from my depression. However depression is an on going battle and can not be cured, that doenst mean to say you dont have a life it just means keeping an eye on things and getting to place where you can fucntion.
I found it very hard on my return to univeristy so many faces, so many opinions so many noises all out of my control, control had become a key word for me a key place to be to at least feel in control. Of course you cant control every utside influence the noisy drunks, the opinion of a rather annoying women in a lecture. Everthing seems to become subjective and if you find issue with someone or something which has seemingly no bearing on reality you are deemed to rude. However it does have a bearing on your reality and perhaps its impossible to friends or agree and have a nice day all the time thats for sure. What is important is the ability to get rid of yoru frustrations and feel like you are accept and at least ackoweledged within the working environment you dwell. I took lectures so serioulsy last year. I was competitive and wouldnt let soem things go, I felt intimidated by the younger members , the young bucks, ignored by the females and dealt with as a 'interesting case' by the lecturers.
I anaysled everything and everybody to even say hello became a life and death situation.The consequences of which could be catashopic to the world I was attempting to feel comfortable in.
And now I live with two guys, I dont know them and I feel unwilling to give enough of myself to ever feel comfortable with them. What happens if they something I dissaprove of ? what happens if they say something to offend me ? well they ahvent as of yet by I am obbessed about social dynamics and have been sicne sitting in my lecturers for the first time on this particular course.
Good luck and keep fighting