Date	Name/email Nom/email	What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13? Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
30 Nov 2008		I hate my self. I don't hate my life, It's alright I guess, But I do in fact hate myself. There's a difference. Think about it. Do you hate yourself or do you hate your life?
29 Nov 2008	DEEETROIT	Ok my friends, I was just on google and searching something else, when i saw this website. There have been times where i thought about dying, and if other people would care. But its never worth , you dont want to die sad, youd want to die happy, because i know id much rather having that feeling of happiness be my last feeling. I know happiness is not easy to find, but you can find it. You just can't judge your happiness off of other people's happiness. You have to sit down and think about what would make you truly happy, and then you go about trying to make that happen. There is so much greatness and beauty in the world. Dont be afraid to talk to people, just talk, you dont have to talk about how you feel, if your afraid thatwill scare them, but just be yourself and enjoy that feeling of having the freedom to be yourself. Life can be great, you just have to make it great, because life is pretty simple.Good luck my brothers and sisters
28 Nov 2008	Angel	Hi everyone!! (hello mouchette!! I´m back) My name is Angel and I would like to start by telling all of you who read this that I am not a stranger to suicidal thinking and planing, I´ve been a few steps from trying it myself quite a few times, and I am well acquainted with pain as are most of you that write here, I am not going to preach to you about leaving your pain to god or any such things, I don´t believe in any of that, What I am going to do is something much harder and much more beneficial, If any will like to come along for the ride go ahead, it´s a painful road but there is light at the end, so here it goes: This will be called the truth circle, and here is how it will work: all of us suicidals are ind pain, and that´s what we express in blogs like this, but we never fully identify or commit to the nature and truth of our pain, we keep it inside, using to silence it any painkillers we have at hand, from t.v.,lies, and videogames to drugs and sex, until it grows so much that we can use only the final painkiller: Death. What I will do here is shove it out of my heart and putting it here for all to hear, my deepest darkest pains, to the world, I shall hide them no longer, nor will I take ownership of them, as we do when we hide our pain from the world as if it were a dirty secret, I will relase it and so I will be released from its burden, I will acknoledge it and so will I be able to acknloedge the truth about my life I will give it back to the world and thus will be given back full ownership of my life, Here´s why: when we hide our pain as shame or guilt (most of the times it´s not really our fault) it consumes our energy and spirit to shield it from the world and ourselves, it grows like a parasite while our life energy is diverted to numb us from it, no wonder we feel tired and without any desire to go on, you see pain unconfessed or unacknoleged fully is the basis of our fear, shame or guilt which are the equivalents of high tension wires thath direct OUR OWN ENERGY back to us to hurt us, to punish us, to acknoledge our pain fully will release all taht energy that goes to fuel your shields from reality, and numb your emotions, that energy that fuels shame, guilt and fear and leaves no power for love, hapiness and hope, so i will write my pain story (will skip the hapiness), well enough talk (deep breath) here goes my pain: I am the first born of a very dominating, verbaly abusive and deep down coward of a father and a submissive, hurt, guiltfilled mother (she was a nun but quit), which greatly affected my development, my father while a dominating man is at heart very insecure, his best way to feel confident is to make other people feel like crap, only he doesn´t do it openly, but slyly (thats what made it so hard to undesrtand and fight) he would always tell yopu how you are wrong, lost or incompetent in subtle way that made you think that he said it because he expected more from you and you have disaapointed him, no achiement was enough for him ,and heloves doubt confusion and failure, becuase then he can advise you, show you how great he is and how much better than you, he comes alive during such and ocations and always brings them up to remind you that whatever you do, youre still blow him, my mother would inmpart on me the strictest selfsacrificial selfdenying beliefs since i was four, some of my ealiest memories were of her telling me that girls were no good, and I should only have a girlfriend when I was eithteen, that I should always be a very good boy, turn the other cheek and play nice, so it was that in elementary school I became evry shy and insecure, I loved praise for being a good boy and always set out to please everybody with my selfrighteousness, when girls wanted to be mi gfs, my mother would tell me that they were just making fun of me, so i grew weary of them, I also like my parents became very ashamed of my naked body (which was completely lean and athletic, yes even at an early age) and was terrified of being seen, to the extent that in summer camps i would only bathe late at night or I would even bathe in my underwear, I didn´t feel interested in music or girls becuase I thought that thigs of that kind were sinnful and inmature, when ever I was in fights (a more or less common ocurrence in elementary school)I was reprimanded and I was terrified beacuse they told me that I could hurt other peoples internal organs and they would die (maybe if I had scalpels instead of hands, but how was I to know), I learned that the way to love was to excel in everything, to be an immaculate boy, and to always love poeple, If they hurt me I has to learn to love them harder. So went elementary school for me. Then came junior high, which was a complete nightmare, from the very begining I was picked upon by a gang of boys, humiliated regularly, and beaten often, when i came to my dad asking him to teach me to fight, he laughed at me and told me that people don´t solve problems that way and that I was way off base, the worst for me was when they broke or stole my things, by then I felt that it didn´t matter what they did to me but my things were more important, I had a few friends but most of whom would join the verbal abuse and ostracizing when the time came, I was failing in my studies, and one time broke up crying in the bathroom when it became to much, going there was a torture, but it dint occur to me to go to another school, I thought that I wouldm´t let them decide where I got my education, I grew a lot of pimples and I dind´t have a single female friend (I wanted one but never spoke to them, duh) I was to ashamed to talk to girls bucauase of what I had become,I worked my hardest to hide everything form my family beacuse I felt it would only dissapoint them further, my situation only got worse until I started playing football in the same team as some of the bullies and I learned that I could take them physically, but even if they respected me I was still to afraid to fight them, even I knew I could kick their ass in the football area, the physical bullying receded considerably but the osytracizing was only a little better, this was the time when I started theraphy with a useless shrink who didnt have the nerve to push me to give him answers, this is the time when I started daydreaming and trying to hide who I was, I became convinced that I was completely rotten and the better I learned to not be me the better I would do. Then came highschool, I fared considerably better, but I became unable to hold a conversation becuase I was worried of what I should say to get pople to like me and to hide who I truly was and my dark past, I lied and got very painfully cuaght once, a shame that lasted for years. I was stilled picked on some but mostly verbaly and not to my face as I was a big strong boy, who was renowned for my physique, my acne was worse than ever though it now covered my whole face, I feel very conscious of it, I had my first gf a very pretty girl who everyone liked (this happened often in highschool for me) but I dumped them fats lest they find out that I was scum, I was so consumed with fear and anxious for acceptance that my whole body moved rigdly and seemingly against some will, I was an akward nevous kid, but thanks to some friends I became happier and more extroveretd and quite popular by then end of highschool though I was still like the batman villian two face: likeable on one side, laughed at on the other. So I learned that I could be loved by being funny and being very physicaly atractive. On came College, I was unable to make a decition so I studied was my father wanted, but dropped it when the social aspect got very nasty (nobody picked on me but nobody liked me either, no matter how har i tried, I even became a lapdog for them It wouldn't work) my fear of girls was better, but I still felt akward inside as though I had to get them before they discovered who I really was, I tried all the harder to hide the truth from everyone including myself. I finally dropped the career, but then took my fathers advice again (great move angel!! on to more pain) the university was bittersweet I got very good looking girls in love with me but not much came out of it because by then I by then I was convinced that nobody could like me, I even talked them out of it, hate and shame were the only things that I knew and expected in my world so I pushed anything else out, most of the group were useless like me, but they liked themselves better, even if they had less reasons, I got very good grades and got along with some excellent friends. Teasing and disapproval were paramount to me I was always on the lookout to what other people thought of me, this is when I baceme to toy with the idea of suicide, and always happy to accommodate others instead of myself, this grew into verbal abuse that I deflected by being even more of a lapdog (because it had worked really well in the past?, grow a brain man). Then I graduated and went to work, I was terrified of any leadership and responsibility even though people had great faith in me, I quit often, mostly when I could, t please everybody, this when on for some years, always trying to live to everybodys standard, always selling my soul for a little afection. Hell even when I had sex I was thinking: am I doing it right? of couse I wasn´t I wasn´t there really.then I came to think about suicide almost every day, everytime something went wrong or somebody didn´t like me,good thing I didnt have a gun nearby. So there it is my dirty laundry up for the world, I feel a lot better, thank you for bearing with me I know it was a long read, I am now a lot better and I am currently trying my best to turn my life around it´s tremendous work and I am lacking in faith, but still trying not to allow pain to hold me, please notice that in my life most of my pain came when I hel myself to others standards this is crucial and if anybody wants to talk about it please email me, I really can help you out, if anybody is move by my story then tell me about it I need all the faith and support I can get to turn around, I you want to do the circle of truth too, go ahead, Have courage, remeber either you won your pain or it owns you. If you kill yourself who do you think is master?, I am not trying to talk you out of committing suicide, it´s your decision, who can judge when somebody´s has had more than they can take?, just please make sure it´s your own standards that hurt you and not others like t.v., parents, girlfriends/boyfriends, bullying, etc., talk to everybody, do whatever you can first (you can always kill yourself later, if so you choose), I wil be happy to help you if I can. and remember please let me know if you decide to do your circle of truth. Live free Angel
27 Nov 2008	Joseph	My depression had first flared up when I was 9. I started smoking pot when I was 13. Attempted suicide the first time at 13. And started heroin not long after. I would go on to attempt suicide over a dozen more times in just the next year. One time I had set a date. I stockpiled supplies. I waited for a day when nobody would be around to stop me. I was set on making sure that this time around I didnt wake up. I shot up a speedball to raise my pulse and lower my heartrate (a lethal combination on its own), downed a leftover vial of perscription anti-depressants (I thought it would be ironic that the thing that was supposed to help keep me alive had helped kill me, Im artistic like that) and cut vertically from the inside of my elbow down to my wrist on each arm. There is no reason for me to be alive right now. But almost five years after my first try Im still here. Anyone thats looking for help or just trying to find someone capable of responding during conversation, email me, YM jbrett526. Im not in a position to judge. But I am in a good one to talk.
24 Nov 2008	.....	Take a lego and shove it down your mouth? -sigh- i dunno see life is all pain, i feel like nobody understand me, yes everyone says taht but in this world i m truly alone, i put up fake smiles for my friends and act normal but deep down i m sad, i m just here ranting, i dont hve a gun so i dunno how to kill myself so i came on this website lookin for a better way then stragglin myself bc thats painful and torture..... its easier to end a life then go through with it b4 i think of doin any stupid after this msg i jus twant to type dat i hate my parents especially my mom, funny how i would type all this on a random site and i wouldnt tell how i feel to any1, o ya i forgot there is no one... bb
24 Nov 2008	brionygirl15	Where do I begin? Okay, well I'm 15 now and I was diagnosed with Bipolar Affective Disorder when I was 13. Speaking of supportive and caring parents, i went to a psychologist and she prescribed zoloft. my dad however, thought I was making it up and told me to stop taking it. My mum thinks I still am. My parents split when I was eleven so they make separate decisions now. so my dads saying stop and my mums saying keep going. I'm not close to both of them anymore. After a while my parents had to move to different countries for work and my sisters I live alone together without guardians. My eldest is 18 but barely a parent to me. Before my mum left she assigned her sister to take care of us. She had already signs of mental illness and yet they ignored it. One night she left in the middle of the night saying she had to go somewhere. She being the adult...we had to listen to her. So we let her go. The next day she didn't come home. After that day, we got a call from the hospital that our aunt killed herself in our school church. We went to the hospital (she survived it) and there was my mum's other sisters blaming me and my sisters that our aunt tried to kill herself. They said we should of stopped her. She was a thirty year old woman and we were 12, 15 and 16. We couldn't tell her what to do. She was suppose to take care of us not the kids to take care of the grown up. Later, we found she had schizophrenia and my mum's sister never apologized for pointing at the wrong people. I was very close to my Aunt. We used to talk a lot and then we didn't and she began to show signs of sickness. After, I felt horrible. My parents shut us out. My eldest sister even went to a 50 year old man who was a complete stranger for comfort. My sisters each found a way to console themselves but I still felt I couldn't bring myself up. From there, I packed on weight, skipped school, lie in bed all day, cry, and constantly wanted to kill myself... I still do. it also didn't help when I found that my parents wanted two children and I was an accident. I feel like they never wanted me and it explained their treatment towards me. To prove their neglect, I was sexually abused by my first cousin, My dad's brother's son, when I was only 6 or 7. I tried to hold on but I couldnt and still cant cope. I feel totally alone. I tried to take excess of pills that i don't need. I tried to cut my arms. I even prayed to (god) to just take me in my sleep but no, i woke up every day still feeling like crap. This year, my father told me frankly "you're fat and I don't like you" he calls me piggy and snorts at me. Recently, I tried to throw up or become bulimic. Food is a comfort to me. It makes me feel less empty than I really feel. The first time I threw up purposely, I first thought about the famines and the hungry people in Africa. so I started to cry wondering why I wasn't grateful for what I have. Then I just couldn't take it and ran back to throw up. I hate it when people say im making it up and asking for attention. why? do you think I really want to be this unhappy? Whats worse is that my parents promise me a lot of things? And after all the broken promises Im still so stupid to believe that this promise is different. When I think of what they did, I want to hurt them. I used to want to hurt them by hurting me but i realized they don't care about me so they wont get hurt. Before they split, my parents were like my friends parents. They spanked me but I accepted it us something important for me to learn but now, it's different. I think of it like this...when they split, they died and now, i'm an orphan. To this day, they are dead to me. I have no family. I have no friends. No one can look at me and see me. they don't let you express yourself. I was a very affectionate child. When I was a child, I loved hugging people, comforting people when they were sad. but as I became I a teenager, I realised I was abused big time. I comforted people but they didn't give it back to me and yet I kept doing it until no love was left. I tried to love people but they push me away. I suppose they know they've used me all up and now I'm worthless. though this seems like a curse, I 've gotten to be understanding. I understand criminals, rapists, and murderers. They were deprived from expressing themselves and no one saw them but when they commited the crimes, thats when they were heard. People looked at them but it's too late because its for the wrong reason. It's odd isn't it how parents do everything they can to keep us safe from criminals yet they don't notice that they are creating them. I cant tell you you should kill urselves because my conscience wont allow it but I can't tell you to stay either because I'd be a hypocrite. Thats your choice. All im hoping for is someone who will see me and if they feel like I do that I can see them too. I feel alone but also there something wrong with that because there are a million other people feeling this with you though you don't know them and though you may never meet them, they are with you. I can't tell you what will happen to me but you can reply to this and we can go through it together.
18 Nov 2008	spooky p.	Kuborion, The first time I ever really tried kill myself I took a bunch of sleeping pills and went to sleep. I had a dream that night though, and in my dream that song was playing, more specifically George Harrison's beautiful solo. And when I woke up that song was playing on my radio... It's truly a beautiful song... truly...
14 Nov 2008	Sophie	Hey I’m Sophie and I’m 19 years old but when I was about 16 I felt like there was no point in living. I hated myself and those around me made me feel worse. My family knew I wanted to kill myself and yet they ignored it and acted as if nothing was wrong. I tried countless times secretly to get rid of that feeling but then I met a girl who soon became my best friend. This girl suffered from manic depression or bipolar as it is called now. She had lived a life I could have never imagined and I hope that no one ever goes through what she did. When I told her about my thoughts about suicide she first yelled at me and told me to never try and kill myself I wanted to yell right back in her face and tell her she didn’t understand how I felt and that she had no right to judge me but then she told me about her attempts and showed me her scars on her arm. She said that the pain she felt after wards was worse and if I succeed in killing myself the people I leave behind will take on the pain I felt now. Although suicide was still in my mind she helped me realise that things could get better. She gave me hope when others tried to take it and for a girl who had been through too much she had the most hope and love I had ever seen. For those out there who are thinking about suicide find someone to talk to before you try. It will help if you talk don’t give up hope.
13 Nov 2008	Van	I am like most people in this forum, I have had my ups and downs, and heartache and such due to family problems, conflicts with roommates, school pressures and so forth. I've never really tried to kill myself purposefully. I did fool myself into believing that four extra strength acetaminophen's worked like four regular acetaminophen's. My friend told me that taking four was normal, but I always use extra strength and didn't know there was a difference. I was knocked out for about a day. Parents were fighting, getting me into the argument, all I could think to do was take some acetaminophen and go to sleep. It was New Years day during my senior year of high school, the next day I felt foolish. I went to a private school, learning about theology and loving religion. That's one thing that held me back so that I could never kill or injure myself. The first time I almost committed suicide was stupid. I was 15, dating a guy for half a year, then one day he breaks my heart, my first love. Two weeks later I'm crying on the bus and my best friend from when I was 11 tells me "Get over it bitch!". What great friends... In the end I found she liked him and only urged me to date him so that she then could date him once it didn't work out between him and I. She did, that night I was on AIM talking to a deeply religious friend. And I had a large cooking knife at my wrist about ready to watch all my blood flow out. But I couldn't do it. I went back and told this to my friend and he then said, "you're conscience/a spirit [God] is preventing you from doing this to yourself". At that time I felt relieved I couldn't do something so horrific to damage what makes me human. As time went on over the years, I've always had suicidal thoughts. It all really came into perspective when I was 14 and my grandfather passed away. I've heard from someone or maybe a philosopher, that the only reason some people have suicidal thoughts is because someone close or a relative had committed suicide. It runs in the genes or the thought process more clearly then. I'm not a deeply religious person, but I do believe that once you die, you die. I used to believe in reincarnation, but science proves me wrong. If you want to die, then do so, but before you do the deed remember what makes you human and who it really will hurt in the end. Suicidal thoughts are normal, I still have them, but it doesn't mean I will act upon them.
11 Nov 2008	-A child a hopes and dreams	I tried to kill myself... I used drugs... I drank twice the legal limit for a 13 year old. I went up going to the hopsital and spending 6 moths in threapy. I know what yur going through u feel he world hates and u just wanna end it. The best way is probably shooting yturslef because it is quick and painless. Or posioning yurself its painless but takes longer.
10 Nov 2008		please do not commit suicide, my friend just commit suicide 3 days ago, and my grade is in soo much heartache. just think about the pain everyone will be in. the kid probably doesn't know how much pain everyone is in write now. and to the others out there, i'm not a counceller or anything, but please get help before you do something that you will never be able to take back.
07 Nov 2008	Irina	NO! Don't do it. But, I completely understand how you feel. I used to cut myself, but I promised my family not to do it again. I felt like no one understood me. I have been thinking of suicide for a while, but I think of someone I care about and how much I would miss her (I'm bisexual) if I was gone. Just hang on and think of what makes you happy in life ;] -Irina
04 Nov 2008	that girl whose mom just couldnt be proud	i still hear m mother crying at time begging me not to die. i tell her i have to go. but she just crumples to the ground and crys. sending these shivers up my spine. freezing every joint and muscle. i couldnt do this to her. not now. not after everything she just went through. my father was killed. murdered in the worst way. he was the reason i lived. i loved him more than anything. more than myself. i was popular. captin of the cheerleading squad. had more friends than i could count. had awesome paretns to. had a boyfriend. had three best friends. but when he keft i quit cheerleading. locked myself in my room. dressed in black. had pins on the side of my pants. so i could cut myself whenever i wanted to. hung out with diffrent people. first to go: boyfriend. than my bestfriends. then my life just slipped. didnt hang with anyone. still dont. did drugs. didnt matter what kind. i had a life before this. got stright A's. then that went to. my mother was so upset. so dissapointed. she said i had to stop the drugs. stop mouring. i couldnt. and i couldent put her through more pain. i wanted to just end life. be less burden for her.
03 Nov 2008	SABRINA	HELLO WORLD I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER IM STARTIN A NEW LIFE IM GETTIN MY LIFE TOGTHER FINALLY IM HAPPY DMY BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP I FEEL SO GOOD I CAN WAI TO IM GOING READ MY BOOK ALL U PPL R SPECIAL N UNTQUIE N AWSOME DONT KILL URSELF BOUT STUPID THINGS FIND A WAYS 2 TALK 2 THATPERSON
01 Nov 2008		i tried to kill myself once, jumped off my favorite tree and ended up passing out. it sucked so when i woke up i had a bruise, but nothing major. i don't get it, the tree was always a nice place to get away..but not high enough to jump from i guess. well, it's either that, or i didn't clime high enough. i wish i could remember for next time. oh well... anyways not only did i wake up with a bruise i was hungover as fuck too. and the really bad kind of hangover, the one that feels like your face is covered in dry saliva. but it wasn't all bad, my phone was still working and i had like 3 missed calls. all from john, hahaha. so i called him back and we went for pancakes. and then when i got home my mom yelled at me but she was too lazy to follow me upstairs so i went to my room and wrote this. i'll probobly try again tommarow though. different tree maybe.
30 Oct 2008	danny vale	i have always known about my sexuality but my family were not very nice about gay people, i was outed by my sister and the whole family turned on me i ended up living on the streets. i tried 5 times to take my life by pills even was gonna walk infront of a bus!! now im still on the happy pills but got my own home and lovely dogs and my soul mate , i still do feel suicidal sometimes but i have to sit and focus on the future ahead. think about people you love being left behind x
28 Oct 2008	xxemobabyxx	its really not worth it. i have tried many times since i was nine, and it never worked, all it does is get you sent away for a long time. im 16 now and its still very hard to live. im emo but i hide all my feelings. i never talk i dont socialize, and i get into a lot of fights. im i guess a bad kid and the entire world hates me, but people have so much to live for. live your life to the fullest, dont let others get you down. just remember, if someone talks bad about you mainly they are jelous of you. you have a whole life ahead of you, dont ruin it. i have had at least 11 or 12 people i know very well die so far from suicide, its not what you would think it would be like. it makes everyone blame themselves for the rest of thier lives.
23 Oct 2008	Carly Jackson-Hawkes	omg! i can't beleive i found this site. i'm not 13 anymore i am a grown woman with kids. i remember feeling that life was shit ect when i was your age..but how shit will it be for your family if you do this? i lost a friend through suicidewhen i was in my teens and i was clinically depressed because of it. its the most horendous thing you could put your friends and family through. as you grow up and your world opens to new possibilities life gets better, life is amazing be brave and live it!!
18 Oct 2008	Georgia	Please don't do it. I came to this site because I also searched for a way to commit suicide painlessly. My boyfriend broke up with me the night before a final. He was the only person in the world I loved. It's been 6 months and I still cry at night because I miss him. But I promise you, it will get better, for me and for you. Life gets so much better from high school. If you are fat, you will lose weight. If you have no friends, you will make yourself popular. If you are poor, you will be rich. If someone is hurting you, there are people out there who will listen and will get you out of your situation for free. Go to your local emergency room, google a shelter, call a legal aid number, call Samaritans, talk to someone right now. I know it helps, it's what I did and it's why I am still here. Suicide does not just harm you. It denies the entire world all the possibility that you hold. You do not know what you might accomplish one day and it is simply not fair to deny the rest of us the possibility of your gifts. Think of it as a gamble. You will die no matter what, that's certain. And right now, you feel miserable, but that might not always be true. Isn't it worth the gamble that one day things will get better? Even if you live for a hundred years, life on this Earth is short. What seems like endless pain to you now will seem like a second when all is said and done. Please keep trying.
15 Oct 2008	Zach	Go visit a site called To Write Love on Her Arms. If you haven't heard of it, a girl once tried to kill herself multiple times, but never succeeded. Her friends made this site as a support for her. They told her story and how it affected everyone around her. I can't remember when the site was originally created, but since then, thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of kids and teens and even adults have posted similar stories and ways to overcome these feeling of hopelessness. I used to think about killing myself all the time, but then something happened and my life changed. I've started to feel suicidal again, but I still hope that something amazing will happen. If you are serious about killing yourself, and aren't here just for laughs, good luck. Maybe you'll survive to contemplate the meaning of your existence another day. If you don't, then I guess I'm glad that you've succeeded where many have failed.

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