|Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.|
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?
Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
|21 Jan 2009||Lennie Melvin||I always wanted to kill myself - that's ambition for you. But now I've changed my mind.
Why run from the gits that made my life hell? Why let them finish me off without lifting a finger?
No. I'm gonna live.
But not the way they wanted me to.
In fear and in pain.
No, I'm taking control.
I'm going to do what I want.
Not what they want.
I'll kill them if I have to, but I AM NOT GOING TO DIE.
I'm leaving this place and going to the one place I can be happy. It may be forbidden but that makes it so much SWEETER.
What I want.
Not what they want.
|18 Jan 2009||Her Space Holiday||My life is delicately balanced. Everyday I wake, not knowing how shitty I'll feel. Every motherfucking day. I'm scared to lay in bed for fear that I might not be able to sleep. Not be able to get you off my mind. I feel like a masochist just by being alive. Like the only way out is to let myself out. Let the earth consume my pain, let it consume my scarred and dead soul. Do we realize that we are extreme sadists? But nobody cares enough. Enough to do anything; I am no different. Tonight will be like every other night, sleepless and long.|
|17 Jan 2009||Steve||Ya know this site is genius, that and music. I had the suicide feeling pop into my head again yest arvo now, i was really low this time. Anyway i found this site whilst i was in the process of researching "using inert gases with different drugs" as a way of dying (i really wish i didn't get like that) and have been reading bits and pieces of it since. At first it was just a normal like minded read but after several hours of off and on reading i'm feeling sooooo much better. Not sure i'm totally happy with myself for feeling better cause i'm not as unhappy or depressed maybe as others but whatever works hey! Usually these days i'll put music on and depending how i feel i'll switch decades and genre's. sometimes it only takes a hour, sometimes a day or two to feel better but thats what has saved me countless times now. Never being a person thats watched much tv, i tend to listen ta music as much as i can and search the net for whatnot but even that isn't always enough sometimes these days. It's a strange one cause i'm 30 now and was totally happy when i was young and growin up, my parents did get divorsed when i was 12 and our house burnt to the ground at 14 (lost everything), but that didn't phase me, was happy in school to i left for no reason really at 15, luckily i got a apprentiship and started trade school and was qualified at 19. The world was mine until something clicked? Still can't really put my finger on it. Maybe to much happiness? cause that was when everything seemed to plateau, i went downhill, is one line of thought. Maybe the realisation i was a adult that had moved outa home 6 months before and didn't have money for shit no more and had to be fully independent; with all the shit life brings with it to? but it got worse when i met a old school buddy that was into speed(meth) and smack and after a period of 3 yars using mostly heroin constanly i was unemployed, had a small but decent criminal record that i didn't have before (nothing bad, bad) and was at the lowest point i'd ever been, i mean i was so depressed and fucked up you'd have heard a pin drop. I wouldn't have even bothered to get outa bed to kill myself if i only had to walk next door! I've clinicially died 3 times which i'm still not 100% sure what that means but somehow they got me back is the drift, i'm here still. My mother somehow had a preminition something wasn't right, drove over and broke in and found me unconsious, she knows what to do having worked in a emergency hospital ward before i was born (i was extremly lucky). They were accidents both times and the third time i had 6 different drugs in my system of a fair quantity and on a binge that got outa control and dropped in a reserve and was there for sometime before anyone helped me i found out later. Was in hospital 4 days. Something or someone out there must have been lookin over me in them times is the only explaination i've got for that period! Towards the end and part of the reason i got clean enough to stop altogether was i went for broke and sold everything i had left, took what loans i could still get and scrapped all that money into a final fatal result which when i went ahead i got really, really smashed from one syringe cocktail (4+ grams heroin, with the rest of a 5ml barrel fit filled with real strong liquid valium/ normison/ from footy's- now real hard ta get!) and i'd had 1 or 2 beers for atmosphere, plus had a little setup goin by a country lake, no way anyone would've found me there. I remember thinkin FUCK!!! It didn't work in the minutes after i had it, but it was a turning point back that i've never really talked about. I'm just lucky my tollerence was still up even though it was down because i pretty much had a demented daydream goin on by then that i was a/ok. Since then i've started to think my fate is real, well as real as i can percieve it cause i'm the luckist ex user alive i reakon or at least up there in the top percentage's. It just wasn't supposed to end that way. So to sum it up ten years on from where i started, i feel exactly the same way as before all the drug drama's and have the same thoughts as 10 years ago, i've been 100% CLEAN for roughly 5 years. Thats my biggest hurdle still now though cause most of my good friends have either died, are in jail or i've lost touch with em over the years so i don't really talk to people as much that arn't family and straight these days, found relationships hard to hold down to, i still miss my former longtime girlfriend of 7 years, from when i was 17, she OD' when i was 24 which screwed me up to the very limit at the time and still does in different ways to a certain extent. I find a little bit of personal time now days helps there but i am still workin on it. Nowa days i get the most vivid dreams roughly every second or third night seein i still don't really sleep to well, sometimes when there good it really is a spin cause i don't wake up as easily so it goes on for longer. Add flashbacks here and there to that and its tryin all the time to wear me down, i've learn't to deal with all that fairly well though, not the ideal spot but its ok, so far so good but part of them mind fucks is depression for no reason that seems to be getting worse when it does hit. Oh yeh, its a lonely road post drug use. Just try my best to keep at it. Hell i'm still here so have ta be doin something right i guess! Just sucks when you go through hell (self inflicted the drug part of it yes) and then somehow against all odds pull outa it, that i now know it'll never go away, maybe anti depression drugs would work but thats not my answer, at least for the time being. Whatever it is in mi head, sometimes it friggin sucks......... Best wish's to anyone feelin screwed up. My advice, there probably is a way for you to move on and live a good life but it ain't gona happen tomoro, work at it and ya never know. Don't make my mistake though if you can help it. You'll really know how it feels to be alive while your dead!|
|16 Jan 2009||if you knew,||My friend killed herself once, she was my best friend. And she is gone now, forever and it's the "forever" part that kill's me. Everyone says " oh dont cry she is in a happier place now, there no pain in heaven." Well if I can't cry for her and be sad, why cant I die and be happier? I want to die, I want to leave this place. but I cant and I know I wont not until i'm taken by destiny. everyone who wants to take that leap into the next world, dont i cant put into words how hurt i am how much confusion and sufuring she has made me feel, im lost without her. she had to put up with a lot of bad, horrible things in her life, and so have i we were friends bc we could talk to each other about the bad things. Her funeral was to far away i couldnt attend, i feel like i didnt get to say goodbye either.
thanks for listening, i just need to talk to someone who i know wont answer.
|16 Jan 2009||Lothar||Why do you want to kill yourself at all?
Because you are in unbearable pain.
Pain is not confined to your physical being - to your physical body alone.
When one feels suicidal, there is a heck of a lot of EMOTIONAL pain involved. There are no drugs for emotional pain.
Maybe, just MAYBE - if people were more skilled at LISTENING, there would have been less suicides. And listening is a skill that most of us neglect. Including me.
Thanx for this site, it serves its purpose.
(I lost the best person that ever dwelled this earth - because I didn't listen to him. He is still alive, I wont be for much too long. I cannot live without him.)
|15 Jan 2009||Ree||i could say soooooooooo much.
guess how i stumbled upon this? looking up fatal drug combos...but that is another story, for another audience of not so tender an age...
you really should not bother with the topic you have so chosen.
honestly under 13...your choices are slim.
but i was suicidal at 13...my (failed) attempts were pills, slit wrists...i am now 28. I struggle as of right now with acute despair.
but life gets better.
a lot of shit has happened since then, i have lost friends and family to the grim reaper, burned many bridges, suffered many broken hearts, been cheated on, lied to, assaulted, abused... but i am not broken and there were so many moments in those years that made all the negative at least worth it. so i guess what i am saying is this:
while the morbid side of me finds the topic amusing (i WAS that suicidal teenager) the ethical side wanted to point out that many will find it in poor taste. and that you may be encouraging suicidal ideations.
i noticed there were a lot of comments; however i am too lazy to read them all.
|12 Jan 2009||S.S.||Don't do it. My 12 year old nephew killed himself last April. The hurt from it never stops. Never. I will find myself feeling good, then I remember Jacob. It sickens me that he did this. What a quitter. My first thought was "putz", but I couldn't voice that to anyone. I have thought about suicide since I was 11 and cut myself all through high school. I believe in reincarnation. Living here SUCKS, but if you kill yourself, you're showing up to heaven without an invite, without finishing your task here on earth (which, IMO, is to help & spread love, even in the smallest things, like holding doors open, for example). If you end your life now, you'll just have to come back & finish what you stopped doing here. I did love Jacob very much. He had a hell of a time & he wasn't thinking straight. People at that age don't think straight for the most part. You're lucky to get through your teen years alive. I consider myself lucky. He wasn't a putz. But he's dead. That's it. You can't improve on that. You can't move forward. You can't look at yourself with pride and say, "I made it through the dark times." You're in a pool of blood - dead. Oh, and allowing yourself to be found by someone who you thought didn't love you. His mom found him. I saw the blood splatter on the fence where he did it. Sickening. To this day, it haunts me. I didn't envy the paramedics. See, the people who dealt with Jacob's death have to live with this for the rest of their lives. He's scarred people for life. Our lives will never be the same. He burdened us with this pain. Don't do it. Don't burden others. You can get out of any mess. I did. Bring the light in. Don't wait for it to come to you. WILL it!|
|07 Jan 2009||Man, I'm torn here...I can understand both points of view. I'm in my 30's...I first contemplated suicide at 13...only later did my mom tell me I was abused by a neighborhood kid and by a babysitter. I've tried sex, drugs, alcohol, God, Buddha, philosophy, prescription medication, counseling...nothing has worked. I've held on over 20 years thinking things can get better, but they haven't...when people tell you how others have it worse, that is really patronizing and does NOT help. All that does is invalidate your feelings and make you feel like an even bigger loser. However, someone commented earlier that it seems like all it could take is just one person to love them and I agree. But how long do you hafta drag yourself out of bed EVERY SINGLE DAY before you can say that you honestly tried. It's true...a lotta people have no clue what it's like to be a punching bag your entire life, so it's easy to sound like a Hallmark card (hang in there, things will get better,...). All of that said, I made up my mind (or do day to day) that if I can't live for myself, maybe I can help others...sounds cheesy, but maybe living for others can bring some small measure of happiness...|
|02 Jan 2009||Mischa||i dont really understand what this website is about, to tell you the truth, even if i have read the explanation it gives. And i feel really lame to write anything on here but oh well, whatever. Im 17 years old and sure ive been contemplating suicide for like the past 4 years. Obviously im to chicken shit to do it.Just thinking of becomming absolutely nothing scares the hell outa me. I know suicide is selfish and blablabla but its not my fault that "life" has been enforced in society's minds as somehting soooo precious and yadadada. Ugh. I know people have it worse then me. All ive got is the shittiest self esteem and basically zero friends, while people out there are starving to death. But i dont think it helps anyone to tell them someone else has it worse then u. I think it amounts the same for each person, its just different. Anyway i definitely wouldnt overdose with pills. Apparently people dont understand just how much they need to take to kill themselves. And it can instead burst your organs, letting you die in agonizing pain. Jumping from buildings usually just leaves u crippled, and if u use a gun apparently there is a chance u wont die even if u shoot ur head.(a stupid website told me all that, when i was looking for potential ways of doing it. SIGH), I dont think i would think of commiting suicide if i just had that one person in my life that loved me as much as i loved them . It wouldnt need to be sexual just a friendship. I used to cut myself but ive got to admitt to myself it was partly for attention, why else would i position my sleeve just high enough so people would catch a glimpse of the red marks. Still, i think there is something wrong with a person, even if they do do that for attention. wow im rambling, but of course im doing that becuase basically i h ave no life. LOL. Anyway whenever i get really depressed i watch something like schindlers list or read a true story about the holocoust or something and that REALLY makes me tell myself to SUCK IT UP and get on with it. I mean look how they suffered and here u are doing jack shit about anything. TO answer that random 13 year old question, i would.......probly go for the gun, even though i think it would be one of the scariest ways to do it. Wow to want to kill urself UNDER 13, shows just how bad ur life must be or just how bad u must feel, and i fucking pray that if any one under that age did commit suicide that there is something after this shit hole of a life for them.|
|31 Dec 2008||Aimzter||I'm just gonna start off by saying that I don't like to talk about this, and really anonymously is the only way I will. I don't like saying the word suicide. I don't like hearing the word cut. I don't like seeing scars of what people have done. I don't know how kids, 13 and under, could EVER begin to think about killing themselves. I have a 9 year old sister and she doesn't know the first thing about death. I wouldn't want to help anyone under the age of like at least 13 with their thoughts. I don't think I would know how. If you're under 13 I really hope you don't read this because its not going to help at all. Well no, I shouldn't say that for sure because it just might. It seems that my writing has opposite effects. Now that I think about it, the 5 senses really play a big part in all this stuff. But now, I guess i'll get into my "advice". Well if you try to hang yourself, don't use a plastic hanger. They break, unless you weight like 2 pounds. Which would be physically impossible. But i've been there, not really seriously, but yeah, i've tried it. And it snapped. I'm not the kind of person who could ever stop breathing. I could never drown myself. I HAVE to breathe. I live for it, to put it simply. I live to breathe. And I breathe to live. Also, if you try to cut yourself, make sure its in the wintertime because you're gonna need to wear long sleeves if you screw it up. Also been there. Now, this is supposed to be advice, and i'm sure if you're reading this right now you think, hey this person has no soul, or this person is condoning this suicidal behavior. Well, i'm not. You can tell people not to do things, but some people still will anyways. You can try to force someone to stop smoking, but the second you leave them, they will light up again. You know in your heart they will. Its the way of the world. If you would really like self-help advice, which personally I think is the opposite of this topic, but if you do, look to music. Even if the meaning isn't what you think, make it about you. I'd like to take this time to quote a good song called Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls. "And I dont want the world to see me,cause I dont think that they'd understand, when everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am." Its the chorus. Johnny Rzeznik is a GOD. Anyways, ummm back on topic. I think that he is saying he doesn't think he owes the world a glimpse of him, for it would make the world worse off, which is wrong. He thinks no one knows his pain, what he is dealing with. Then he goes on to say that everything is made to be broken and he just wants some recognition. I don't know if he takes blame for some of the breaking or not, but my guess is yes. But in the end he does want to be recognized. He wants to BE. He realizes that he can live. This is another part of the same song. "When everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know youre alive". He says that, yes we all know life can get boring and redundant and repeat itself over and over until it seems pointless. But there is a point and you only realize that until you've either made an irreversible mistake or done something you regret. Which is what life is. Life is gonna keep knocking you down. You just have to have the strength to pick yourself back up. I know its hard. And the media doesn't help either. It nearly killed me when Heath Ledger died. RIP. But you KEEP GOING. I think thats enough out of me. I'm gonna peace out. If any of you want to talk, assuming people do read this, then heres my email. Mail me anytime. A_LKL_A@hotmail.com And if you have read this, thank you. No one ever listens to me. Ha I mean that in a joking way not a omg no one ever loved me way. Sorry if I just offended you right now. And also im sorry if this is not the typical post for this topic. And also im sorry my post is so boring. Ha. And one more tip. If you ever need to just chill out and relax and stop thinking, play guitar hero...but alot of times I find myself subconsciously playing the notes and thinking about other things. I need to stop playing medium, far too easy. But really I will go now. Ta ta.|
|28 Dec 2008||Ana||My name is Ana.
I am 15.
I have dealt with things no average person deals with.
I have been a proctitue and a drug dealer.
I been with more boys and girls than Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie combined.
From the time I was born
I have been abused.
Verbally, Physically and mentaly.
Not only by my mother but also by her many boyfriends.
When I was 9 i drank a bottle of shampoo in hopes of dieing.
When I was 10 I ran away.
When I was 11 , I started cutting.
Later on I attempted running away again.
When I was 12 I attempted suicide again.
I hung mysellf from the shower rack in the bathroom.
It broke and I fell.
I still continue to cut.
And everyday I hate myself for noting be dead yet.
So to all yuu people who keep calling us reatrded or stupid or gay,
yuu have no idea what we've been through
|26 Dec 2008||Tulika||I think i was 9 wn i first thougt about it,fed up from family,thinking my mom don't love me,thinking n planing daily "i'll stab myself tonight" ...
i don't know 2 thank god or 2 not,today m 20...my parents,my sis,my bro all love me.they realy care for me.
I got hand full of money n every thing what i wanted...yeh! my Dad earns alot....what i did'nt got ... never got is "TIME"..precious time of my family ...
gota go...I'll continue wn gt time.
|26 Dec 2008||Disenchanted||I understand that you may feel there's no way out ... but at 13 you've hardly experiences life at all ... I think no matter how hard things have been you need to give the future a chance unless you will never know. Life is hard, my life has not been easy, but life is a test and you have to fight hard to pass it. I have stood in my bathroom with a razor in my hand contemplating whether or not to make the cut, but talk to someone ... anyone. Someone will understand ... more people have been in the same situation than they like to admit, but theres times in everyone's lives when they feel that way. Dont let it get you down ... one day you'll get out and have the power to make things better ... I was lucky enough to find a guy that made life worth living just in time ... but there is hope for everyone. Please don't do it.|
|21 Dec 2008||you gotta give em hope||Look, I'm not drunk, high, or anything like that. I'm well, I'm not really, but it damn near feel's like it. I feel hopeful, god dammit. I couldn't tell you why, but I do. For this split second I believe in true love, peace, happiness, dreams, that my voice matters, that all people are good and should be loved, that a better tomorrow is waiting, that the voices of justice and freedom and all great ideals can reach out and overcome the hands of hate and ignorance no matter how long of a time line is needed. Right now, nothing is blocking my mind from the blissful nirvana of hope. Before I return my feet to the sturdy, harsh ground of reality, and my lurking thoughts of suicide, I want to personify my hope as something just as abstract but so much more real, change. Things would change if everyone could feel what I feel right, and I'll be damned if that change isn't as crazy as utilitarianism, or even freedom, Because god know it is. I hope such a great insanity can occur, one day, and I hope everyone by and by could have a split second like this one.|
|20 Dec 2008||Please hear me out. The best thing to do is to kill the idea of wanting to kill yourself. The worst feeling in the world is to have someone you love die. What is harder is knowing they did it. My daughter's father killed himself. In turn i wanted nothing but to do the same. Yet, I knew how painful his death was to me. So how would I kill myself without hurting the one or two people i did care about? I made them hate me only to realize a suicide attempts later what a bad choice I made. That is all I can say. It hurts too much to talk about. There was so much pain going on in my life to even talk about. I needed help... sometimes I still do. I don't think there is anything in the world to get rid of those feelings. Don't be afraid to ask for help... I was. i made a lot of bad choices. I am getting better, but it takes all of my energy. I feel those of us that want to commit suicide hurt so much. We want help but where do you go to get it? Who really can understand us? There are free counselors who can help... don't tell them you are depressed or suicidal: Just explain your need to understand your emotions or find more self worth. try to build your self esteem up. Suicide is pain you aren't dealing with properly, but no one knows how you have to deal with you. That is something only you will figure out.|
|13 Dec 2008||kicsey||well, i'm 14 so.... I geuss this doesn't reallii count for me. I'm a cheerleader, I have a good life, a nice house, i've never realli had to worry about money issues... so now your probly thinkn, oh this rich bitch is gonna kill herslef over a pair of shoes or something material like that. But no, that's not why i'm posting.
My own mother, who apparantly to everyone who "knows" her 'loves me to death'(ironice huh?),has mentally abused me since I was born. When I was a baby, she wold shake the crib and scream at me to stop crying.. I know this cause she told me, and LAUGHED about it. For most of my preteen years and into my teen years, she has called me fat, ugly, and everyother thing that make semi-sensitive people cry jus because the "inside" pain is too much.
My dad's worse though.... My grandfather on my dad's side had died, and my cousin had been very attached to him, unlike me who kept myself severly unattached to any member of that family. My cousin and I were spending the night at my dad's place, when he came barging in (my cousin and I were having a convo about our grandfather) and started screaming at us that if we were better people he would still be alive ( my grandfather died of a construction accident)..... This happened a mere 3 weeks after his death, I was the first person my cousin would speak to. She doesn't talk much anymore. And before this had happened, my dad drank a lot, and when he did, he kind of ignored me. I thought that when my grandfather died, he would realize jus how short life is, and maybe love me..... he's a severe alcohilic now.....
The two people i'm on this earth for is my other grandfather, and my boyfriend. My grandfather on my mom's side is my world, and I am his. he lost his first child ( a boy with my grandfather's name) in a car accident on the way back from the hospital. He was at the funeral by himself, my grandmother was still in the hosiptal. My aunts and uncles, and my mother, jus found out about this a year ago, it happened close to forty years ago.
And my boyfriend, he makes me smile, and I love him. But he doesn't get the full extent of why peopkle wanna kill themselves. The answer is different for every person, but the truth is that all those answers start at the same place...... the pain is too much to bear.
After reading a lot of these posts, I realize that I can move forward and make a better life for myself, and that I don't realli have it bad as some.... i'm a very dominant person, and it seems as though everyone is trying to get me to be submissive. But I won't, i'll keep fighting and live every moment to the fullest.... cause every moment yu think about suicide, a piece of yu dies.... and yu thought life was short before? but to some people who read this and think, bitch yu don't know what your tlkn about, well, maybe I don't. Life is short, but if it's too long for you, do what yu have to do to find peace within yur war zone.
email me if yu have something to say: email@example.com
|09 Dec 2008||Jessie||Come on, you guys don't want your life to end, you want it to change. I'm 18 and have been through what most people would call hell, I've stood where you now stand, I feel what you are feeling and I've seen some shit that you may not have seen. Think. You are on here because you want an answer, you want hepl, you want someone to tell you its not worth it. Suicide is a perminit solution to a temorary problem. The things yu feel now, they are real, yeah they hurt and they make you sad but in 5 years your going to look back and realize how strong you are for pulling through, how much you have grown... and who you will continue to grow and become.
My friend killed himself, and now I'm forever lost without him. Please... dont leave this world and all the people who love you. Because right now, someone is thinking about you.
|02 Dec 2008||Claire||Hey everyone,
Been reading a few of the responses on the website and just wanted to add my own thoughts. As much as I understand what people here are saying, the ones who are serious at least, yes sometimes suicide seems like the best answer. To those who criticise the site's purpose, pretending theres nothing wrong never solves anything and if the people here know they genuinely want to die, then yes they know how they feel.
Mainly though I wanted to talk about a girl at my school who killed herself in July. She was 14, I never knew her, but she hanged herself in her room. She went to school on the thurday, and on the following morning her parents called up to say she was dead. All this without a word to her friends, family or boyfriend. She wasn't fat or ugly or stupid and she had many friends.
I remember walking home past the bus queue after the assembly. They wouldn't tell us how she died but by monday morning it was all around the school. I remember how the wordless screams of her classmates were one of the most terrible sounds I have ever hear in my life. I would have hugged them if not for social restrictions. Mainly I wanted to say that, well I'm not even sure, I guess it just made me reflect on how you'd never think of the pain it can cause. Things do get better, less than a year ago I could have easily killed myself if it wasn't for my cowardice. I literally couldn't see the point of living, and at the moment I'm suffering from depression but I've still got so much I want to do when I recover that killing myself is out of the question. Things can only get better.
|30 Nov 2008||I hate my self. I don't hate my life, It's alright I guess, But I do in fact hate myself. There's a difference. Think about it. Do you hate yourself or do you hate your life?|
|29 Nov 2008||DEEETROIT||Ok my friends, I was just on google and searching something else, when i saw this website. There have been times where i thought about dying, and if other people would care. But its never worth , you dont want to die sad, youd want to die happy, because i know id much rather having that feeling of happiness be my last feeling. I know happiness is not easy to find, but you can find it. You just can't judge your happiness off of other people's happiness. You have to sit down and think about what would make you truly happy, and then you go about trying to make that happen. There is so much greatness and beauty in the world. Dont be afraid to talk to people, just talk, you dont have to talk about how you feel, if your afraid thatwill scare them, but just be yourself and enjoy that feeling of having the freedom to be yourself. Life can be great, you just have to make it great, because life is pretty simple.Good luck my brothers and sisters|