|Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.|
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?
Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
|25 Dec 2006||Tulani||i want to kill myself because when i was 12 i raped a baby, i am a girl and it was my baby brother actually. i know this is not a good defense, but i was sexually abused by my older brother, sister and cousin, i don't think that it is too bad, but, common on, it was a 9 month old baby, and i knew what i was doing was wrong. The baby is grown now and is a young boy, 10, and the other day i saw him looking at porn and i feel guilty , so i want to kill myself.|
|25 Dec 2006||Kelly Crutcher||I've never heard about a suicide kit before I found your page. I'm not really sure about a permanent way. I was born in 1981; I'm a member of the Latter-Day Saint (mormon) church, I grew up in this faith and I have a strong faith in God and Christ, but there's been times when I've gotten so depressed that I've seriously thought about taking *my* life. I attempted suicide once in 2005 (I locked the bathroom door when I was taking a shower; closed the drain in the bathtub, let the water get deep enough and tried to drown myself; Grandma picked the lock, panicked when she saw me trying to do this and pulled me out)and once in 2006 (took an overdose of my seizure medication and went to bed, praying that I wouldn't wake up)
Recently, I thought about hooking a garden hose to the exhaust of Grandma's car and running the other end through a back window, getting in the car, turning the ignition on and waiting.
I'm afraid to tell anyone I know about this problem because they'll think I'm crazy, stick me in Circles of Care and treat me like a loony. I don't know what to do.
Please don't think I'm crazy; I'm just depressed over a lot of stuff in my life (my grandfather passed away in 2001; my parents got divorced, I suffer from grand-mal seizures and the medicine I'm currently taking for the seizures doesn't seem to be working; every time I have a seizure I chew my mouth and the side of my tongue and get bruised) and I don't know what to do about anything anymore.
|25 Dec 2006||oriana||umm i dont know the best way but if you dont want to hurt anyone else and you dont like pain you could simply drink shots of bleach or other poison mixed with alcohol or soft drink until you start to throw up then hope to god you dont survive cos if you do it will really suck by the way i might actually try this it sounds like sumthing worth doing but not tonight, tonight im going out with friends an getting drunk yay! im 14 and last nite i had sex with shaun then today is christmas and evry1 told me that shaun played me i really loved him this sux anyways if you must kill urself please dont kill sum1 else and then urself cos that is really mean ok luv ya xxx|
|23 Dec 2006||Kitty||Hey I've been reading the posts on this site for a while now and just felt the need to talk to you all. Well my names Kitty and I'm 16. In my 16 years of life I've been though a lot but have managed to deal with it until now. I was born to parents who were drug addicts. My dad was violent towards my mum, me and my little brother. When i was 6 my mum moved out. She is now an alcoholic and seems to spend more time worrying about my step brother and sister then she does about me. When i was 7 i was raped by my half brother i didn't tell anyone about it till i was 14. All through my live i was molested by my dads best mate. It is still happening but not to the same extent. I was bullied at school and has carried on in college. Since my mum left I've had to act as a mother to my little bro. My dads always to engrossed in his computer games to even remember he has kids. My brother is now 14 and thinks he can get away with anything. I try to help him but he just throws it back in my face. My friends are all leaving me and i'm too shy to make new ones. Last year i had to deal with my nan and grandad dying. I had no one to talk to which made it really hard for me. This year i fell in love. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. It lasted 2 weeks. He dumped me because I'm insecure and shy. he broke my heart but we were still friends till tonite. I told him all about my life everything I've had to deal with but he didn't care. he just told me to stop being childish and to grow up. that other people can deal with it so i should be able to. Now he never wants to speak to me again. the one man i ever loved and he hates me. A few days ago my best mate Will said he couldn't speak to me anymore. His girlfriend didn't like me and him talking to each other. Ive lost too many people to make my life worth living. All this is nothing compared to what is happening after Christmas. My dad has had enough of me and wants me out of the house after Christmas. I have nowhere to go. no one loves me all my friends have gone off with other people, i have no one to turn to. I know i cant survive by myself i need the comfort that can only be found in a hug. Like all of you the only way out i have is death. I just hope that other people are stronger then i am.
If you ever want to talk about anything please please email me or add me. My msn is Braintree_Babe@hotmail.co.uk
|21 Dec 2006||Morgan C. - the weird canadian||umm dont kill yourself, it'll get better.
i love you all
have a merry christmas :O)
|21 Dec 2006||Becky||I am having a hard time right now. My boyfriend just broke up with me 5 days before christmas because i cought him in a lie so he is angy with me. I loved this man more than anything in the world. I dont know what i am going to do without him. The only way i see to stop the pain that my heart feels and my head is to kill myself. There is no other way, i sit at home and dream about how i want to kill myself. I cant turn to any of my friends because we both have the same friends. I tried telling him we can work it out but he said its something that only He can think about. i can eat and all i want to do is die.
So to be honest with everyone i dont know what the best way of doing it is. I am trying to find out. I just thought about get drunk and driving my car into tree, maybe that way i wont kill myself just put myself in a coma.
All i wanted was to have someone love me for me, i give and give but no one will love me back. So the only way is to stop my brain and just end things...I just dont know how?
|19 Dec 2006||the laughing cow||dress in fish net stocking high heels short skirt then buy a ticket to ipswich in uk, Tom Stephens will do the rest walla job done, ho ho ho Merry Christmas|
|17 Dec 2006||Stephanie||Kids...This is hard for me to talk about but I am 24 and I wish I was dead everyday. I ache inside myself. My once loving husband has just helped to literally egg my cronic depression on. I am not pretty, thin, and have no true friends. I suck at being a mom and wife.My dad went to prison when I was six for four counts of child molestation,and My mom left me for her child molesting husband when I was 14. I spent my teens in and out of mental wards. Because of that I now have a social anxiety disorder and absolutely no interpersonal skills. Oh, and to top it all off, i am so poor I can't afford a single gift or christmas tree for my babies. My husband is a drunk who vomits all over our bed and asks for "favors" even though he knows I was raped several times and molested my entire childhood. I was a heroin addict for 4 years and it gave me a cyst in my brain, and I have cervical cancer. Yeah, everyday I want to die. But as much as we can think it and want it we cant have it. GOD never gives us more than we can handle. This pain will only make us stronger. I have made it through 24 years of pain and terror. Things will get better if you let them. I was always bullied, I have a shitty life. But hey, I am still here and how will you know if it ever does get better if you off yourself? Give GOD a chance and I promise you won't regret it. Trust in him and it will all be okay. I honistly do promise. And one thing i've learned though my life, never make a promise you cant keep. And I don't, never will. I promise it will get better if you let it.|
|16 Dec 2006||Jeff||I am thirteen years old and cannot get a Nintendo Wii due to my fathers old boss who owes him over 5000 dollars. We are almost in debt now and I cant stand this anymore, he expects me to wait another week after christmas for a nintendo wii. I feel like just hanging myself or shooting myself in the face.
I will buy a 360 controller cord and strangle myself or hang myself with it.
|01 Dec 2006||ROBIN||I'VE JUST TURNED 17, HAVING THOUGHT OF TAKEN MY LIFE A GOOD FEW TIMES DURING THE FIRST 15 YEARS OF MY LIFE
I COULD GIVE YOU A SOB STORY OF MY LIFE AND WHY I WANTED TO END IT BUT ITS NOT IMPORTANT
SO YOU WANT TO KNOW THE BEST WAY TO KILL YOURSELF ? IF THINKING OF ENDING YOUR LIFE , MY FRIEND YOU'RE DEAD ALREADY.
MY BEST FRIEND WAS A STRONG BELIEVER IN THE LORD JESUS CHRIST AND HIS CONSTANT CHATS OF A BETTER LIFE , OF MY LIFE HAVING PURPOSE NEVER REALLY MADE SENSE, UNTIL I HELD HIS BLOODIED BODY IN MY HANDS. HE HAD BEEN A VICTIM OF A RANDOM NEIGHBOURHOOD SHOOTING .
THAT WAS IT FOR ME - THAT DAY I WAS DETERMINED TO END MY LIFE
BUT SOMETHING URGED ME TO WAIT - TO GO HIS FUNERAL - I THEN LEARN'T OF HIS ABUSIVE DAD ,OF HOW HIS MUM HAD DIED OF CANCER , OF HOW HE WORKED 3 JOBS TO SUPPORT HIMSELF AND HIS 2 YOUNGER SISTERS AND THE CONSTANT THREATS AND ASSUALTS HE FACED
I DID NOT KNOW MY BEST FRIEND AT ALL
ITS FUNNY BUT HIS DEATH TAUGHT ME TO LIVE
I'M NOT AFRAID OF DEATH - ITS THE LIVING THAT'S THE HARD PART
BUT I WILL NOT BE A COWARD, I WILL WAKE UP EACH DAY . I WILL RUN THIS RACE
|24 Nov 2006||Chris J. Hillier||When I was 13, alot of people(Doctors, parents, friends, etc)... believed that I had some sort of mental problem. And "beating everyone to the end" seemed to be one of the only fantasies on my mind... In 7th grade, I've had 3 different experiences that have ultimately changed my life forever..
I've drowned in my own 5 ft. deep pool and lived to tell everyone how its like to be dead for a few minutes.
The second attempt came from a number of pills...and alcohol, and even a plastic bag over my head... Unfortunetely, the door to my room wasn't locked, and if my Dad hadn't ironically got off early from work, I wouldnt be writing this..
And of course, the 3rd attempt came from a pistol... Except this experience was probably the scariest few moments of my life... It of course being an extremely unsuccesful attempt, left me with a bullet in the calf of my left leg...
I'm almost 19 years old now, and to this day, contemplating suicide is breakfast...lunch...and dinner... For my mind... My future, is the most depressing thought I could possibly imagine... Because the only thing I can see, is the same pain I have felt since that time when I was young.
I am not like others... but like many people who have tried to "free themselves".. I too am trying to seek an understanding to all of this shit, and for once, someone who can understand my own self...
My answer lies not with God, because I do not seek salvation, only to be rejected into the rest of all reality... Positive and negative aspects of ANYTHING, will compete with eachother... no matter what... and it's hard for me to accept something like that.
The story of my life might as well be a fuckin book up to this point. But all I have nowadays to defend myself from...myself... is to try and appreciate this one thing(life), to cherish and love it... To do what I love, to lift myself from the grave I've tripped and fell into countless times.
But the scar reminds us.
All I can say... is that if you attempt to free your soul... make sure it makes it all way out of your body, Because there is a long unpredictable life ahead of you.
|24 Nov 2006||Legna||Jump! Take some poison! Go to Iraq! Before you know it, it will be over, but why would anyone kill themselves? This is a very interesting philosophical question and it may vary from person to person with no agreement. Life is beautiful. Struggles are part of life. As we toil on this beautiful Earth of ours, we sometimes wonder why there are struggles, but it is on fact these struggles that create life. You may wonder where all of these struggles will lead humanity, but there is a product in the end. if you struggle with out Lord Jesus Christ, your life will end with sucess. Even if you struggled with an addiction, starvation, povertyof any kind, the Lord is powerful and will save humanity in the end if it stays anchored to Him. If you want to commit suicide, I don't blame you, but there is more than one way to do this. Destroy your present life, and find one in Jesus. This is the best way to help heal the world and free it from its struggles. You want a suicide kit eh? Put the Holy Bible in a beautiful box and shut it.|
|16 Nov 2006||Chrismas Jones||Okay. I have to be really carefull in the way I word this.( I want it to sound perfect ) ..but acualy, I don't even know what i'm writing. mouchette, your a fucking mystery. but simply i am atracted to this place... This website is NOT normal.(infact theres no other website that even compares to the things you find here.) the reason this website gets so many hits is because it is one of the first results you get on google, the worlds main search engine, for "suicide." this made the suicide kit the bigest peice of the huge puzzle witch is mouchette.org. Also something i just wanted to add is how god damn hard it is to get into the section for your favorite posts, theres things from many months ago still on the front page.
I, myself have even had a couple in the favorites section, one of them is still on the front page is you scroll down enough. Yes, i used to be a frequint poster on this site,(seems nerdy huh?) but i never was put under the famous persons section, since i think you no longer update. i have been ecnolegedy by your mouchette, though, whitch is an honor. Mouchette i think after awhile you'll figure out who i am. But i must say i signed off, and i might never be here again but i felt the urge to make a late but final mark mouchette. I hope we meet some day. <3
p.s. Dear old readers, If you think you know who i am, (an x mouchette'r) look up my old posts and send me an email. I'd like to see what you people think. And i also would love ot get hate mail on how much you hate me! :D
A once spooky poster.
(Okay that was a big hint xD shit.)
|15 Nov 2006||christehh||UMM..yeahh..imm 12 && imm retardedd :D well not mentally..I JUST CALL MYSELF A RETARD. =] so the best way to kill yourself depends on the situation..0.0. for example, if u have insurance and your parents dont care about you, your best bet is to ask someone who is as depressed as you to kill each other =D , your parents get the money and you die and you help someone else die..doesnt get much fucking better than that. BUT, if money isnt a problem, you just cut your wrist .. i tried that once.. and i took morphine before i did it and i saw the actual vien thingyy but i got FUCKING CAUGHT BY MY FCKING MAID..so i dropped the knife..BUT THE BEST WAY IS TO TAKE ALOT OF SLEEPING PILLS(FALL INTO DEEP SLEEP)BUT U FIRST BUILD A FIRE AND THEN YOU FALL ASLEEP NEXT TO THE FIRE. SECOND WAY IS TO JUMP OUT THE WINDOW CUZ NOBODY CAN STOP YOU AND YOU DONT FEEL MUCH PAIN CUZ URE DEAD BEFORE YOU KNOW IT. =) STAY SWEET PEOPLE.|
|10 Nov 2006||Chris||I tried killing myself 2 times, first time with 300mg muscle relaxors, that didn't work, so I kicked it up a notch, I tried killing myself with 1360mg of oxycotton, my point is, don't use pills, they don't fucking work!|
|09 Nov 2006||chris||I want to die my life is crazy my teachers ate me and they want me to fail my mom is nice but she gets really strict sometimes i've tried jumping out my window choking myself and holding my breath with and without water. I just can't do it I even pray to God to just take me home i am crying as i write this but i guess i'll have to suffer all my life. The only people that care about me is my friends, I am an a low budget actor and I've always wwanted to be a star I've tried killing myself today but i heard a voice so f anyone reads this just tell me what you think I should do.|
|04 Nov 2006||Amy||This is to Chris,
I understand what your talking about...especially about the whole college thing and not having anyone to talk to or trust. It really is hard. Sometimes I find myself wishing I could just sleep forever.
For what it's worth Chris, I care.
|25 Oct 2006||Chrissy||I justed wanted to say dont give up.
I have felt really low of late and I know that I wont commit suicide it would be to devastating for my already long suffering family.
I for a long time saw myself as a joke, someone not worth two carrots.I wanted to prove something to the world and say that I had a right to be here and I left my home to go to university. It has been the hardest Thing I ever did. I become isolation cutting myself of from old friends who I saw as part of my problem of going nowhere in life.
Most of all I wanted respect but which could be gained in a way that made me something individual - I would join the un having been in a society at univeristy and wanting to help people I found the most pluristic and worldy body that could help me achieve this.
My lack of descent education has been my strongest barrier on this journey. My desire for the UN has waned as I believe I had recovered from my depression. However depression is an on going battle and can not be cured, that doenst mean to say you dont have a life it just means keeping an eye on things and getting to place where you can fucntion.
I found it very hard on my return to univeristy so many faces, so many opinions so many noises all out of my control, control had become a key word for me a key place to be to at least feel in control. Of course you cant control every utside influence the noisy drunks, the opinion of a rather annoying women in a lecture. Everthing seems to become subjective and if you find issue with someone or something which has seemingly no bearing on reality you are deemed to rude. However it does have a bearing on your reality and perhaps its impossible to friends or agree and have a nice day all the time thats for sure. What is important is the ability to get rid of yoru frustrations and feel like you are accept and at least ackoweledged within the working environment you dwell. I took lectures so serioulsy last year. I was competitive and wouldnt let soem things go, I felt intimidated by the younger members , the young bucks, ignored by the females and dealt with as a 'interesting case' by the lecturers.
I anaysled everything and everybody to even say hello became a life and death situation.The consequences of which could be catashopic to the world I was attempting to feel comfortable in.
And now I live with two guys, I dont know them and I feel unwilling to give enough of myself to ever feel comfortable with them. What happens if they something I dissaprove of ? what happens if they say something to offend me ? well they ahvent as of yet by I am obbessed about social dynamics and have been sicne sitting in my lecturers for the first time on this particular course.
Good luck and keep fighting
|23 Oct 2006||nameless||I was apprehensive of posting my opinion about anything at first because who wants to be responsible for someone elses beliefs or actions, but then I stopped and thought about it, and I figure in the end, I'm not the one pushing the button, so I'll take a chance and voice what I'm thinking.
I find it interesting about how some people here are putting an age-limit to when a person should wait to commit suicide. I'm not going to say that younger people who want to commit suicide should wait or not, but it definitely seems like there's some level of maturity that a person should reach before they make such a huge decision. Then again, I'm 28 and I've wanted to die since I was 15. Waiting to live more life hasn't exactly changed my world perspective on things. So, now you're saying to yourself, "If you've been suicidal for so long, then why haven't you killed yourself at some point." Just to clarify, I said that I've wanted to die since I was 15, not that I've been suicidal since I was 15. Don't get me wrong. I've had plenty of suicidal bouts, but they tend to be short lived.
Therere two major reasons I don't off myself. One is the same reason a lot of the life-resenting people here haven't killed themselves yet either; this fear of hurting others. I know what it's like to pray to God that someone kills you or to die in some accident to alleviate yourself of responsibility of hurting those around you. Yeah, I hear ya. Its a harsh thing to just wait to die. The second reason Ill get to later. So, in the end, the reason I came across this site was because Im finally getting to the point where Im feeling real desperate. Theres this whole, I really want to die, thing going on, and this, But I cant hurt the people around me, issue. So Ill go ahead and explain my story (the religious ones will definitely love this story).
I dont want to die because Ive been abused. I dont want to die because Ive been hurt. I dont want to die because I want to be with someone thats passed on to the other side. I want to die because, like so many of you agree, life is meaningless. Heres an interesting story; a true story. So its winter Feb. 18, 1988. I was nine years old, almost ten. I was getting ready to walk with my little sister to the bus stop to go to school, and I decide to slide on the ice at the end of my driveway. So, I slide on the ice, and meanwhile, the neighbor at the end of his street is driving his daughter to the bus stop. I look up and theres the bumper of his Ford F150. At some point I blacked out, and I came to a minute later, and the front passenger tire of his truck is lying right along my rib-cage, but Im not crushed. I think everyone has a single defining moment in their lives, and for me, its this, and Ill explain why.
Ive got a problem with surviving getting hit square-on by a truck like that and living. Hell, all I got was a scratch on my ankle. I remember later that year during the holiday season, my mom was like, You should be thankful youre alive. I also remember not thinking much of it. I find it interesting how youll hear stories about how people will come close to dying, and they end up living and are like, Thank God. Im going to live every day to the fullest, Im so thankful to be alive. Not me. No. Five years later, Im thinking about ways to kill myself and cutting myself up and shit like that. And so, I take a chance, and I swallow a bottle of sleeping pills, and I wake up eight hours later. And so, I take a gun, and point it at my head, and pull the trigger, but the damn thing misfires. (The second reason I dont attempt suicide is because it seems like it just doesnt work, at least for me). You see what Im getting at here. I believe in God, but Im not entirely happy with this situation, indeed Im not.
You see, my perspective on all of this is that Im cursed. Ive come to the conclusion that God hates me, and that this life is punishment for some sin that I committed, but I have not idea what that sin was. Ive come to the conclusion that I actually died that day I was hit by that truck. Ive come to the conclusion that considering that fact that my attempts to end my own life have been futile, theres no hope for escaping this life. And the thing that chaps my ass the most is that I NEVER ASKED TO BE BORN, and that I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I DID to deserve this existence.
I live in this world where life is obviously worthless. I live in this world, where the fortunate piss away what advantages have been granted to them, and treat their own lives like they were meaningless by indulging in vice, because they can, and not doing anything to better themselves because, they dont need to. I live in a world where people around me treat their neighbors lives as if they were worthless. People that have no problem threatening or hurting a person for their own gain. People that would lie cheat and steal with absolutely no regard for how it is that their actions affect the people around them. People who rape and abuse and kill. People who have no problem having prejudices against a certain demographic of people for whatever bullshit reason. People that are like, I hate Jews, or,I hate blacks, or, I hate fags, or,I hate Muslims. Killem all right? What horse-shit. And its these same fuckers that would dare to tell me that life is worth living. These ignorant, stupid sons o bitches that have the gall to treat each other and themselves the way they do, and to turn around and tell me that life is precious. Sorry, buddy, the way you lead your life reinforces the fact that life is worthless. And my punishment, MY PUSHISHMENT FROM GOD is to have to exist in this world with people like that.
And for all you God and Jesus fan-boys out there, I believe in God and Christ. Oh yeah. I believe. How could I not. Think about the ways that Ive tried to kill myself and here I am. Oh yeah. It makes more sense to chalk it up to divine intervention than to sheer coincidence (thats just my take on things). But you know that means. The worst part about living this life, the worst part about being saved by God, means only one thing. That God didnt save me. Oh no. What it means is that God didnt want me in His heaven. The perfect opportunity to die when I was an innocent nine year old and God didnt want me then. And here I am, almost 20 years later, suffering this life (as a sinner no less) because I didnt die that day. Here I am, having to witness this world, and having to know these people that live in it, and its definitely Hell. The reason I dont attempt suicide is not because Im afraid of eternal damnation, oh no. This is damnation. This is damnation because unlike most people, I KNOW God hates me. Its the only thing that makes sense. And thats the thing that hurts the worst. See, when I imagine a stereotypical Hell, I imagine these demons tearing at my flesh and burning my skin and the smell of sulfur. No. Thats nothing. Thats nothing compared to the hurt I feel believing in God, and knowing that the God that I love so very much will never reciprocate that love back to me, and in fact does quite the opposite.
Life is difficult to live. We have to work hard and be honest and make ends meet from day to day, and try to be good to others. Its hard carrying that weight. And thats how I try to live. But every time I try to have hope and every time I try to have dreams its quashed immediately. And I cant help but think that this is all part of Gods punishment for me. I dont pray anymore because I know that no matter how desperate I am for whatever it is that Im asking Gods help with, itll never be answered. Ive preyed too many times with the opposite thing of what I preyed for to have any faith in God answering my prayers in a positive way. In fact, I come to the conclusion that God answers my prayers by allowing things in my life to hurt me. So Ive given up on praying because I think Gods getting tired of listening to my voice.
So frankly, I wish I wouldve died when I was a kid. I wish I didnt believe in God. You see, if there was no God, I could die right now, and thatd be that. No heaven. No Hell. It wouldnt matter. So dont tell me that lifes precious. I have yet to meet someone the not only treats their own life as precious, but treats the lives of all those around them as precious too. Yeah, precious bullshit. So dont you tell me that all I have to do is find God. I already found God, and knowing God is the worst torture Ill ever know. Honestly. All you non-believers have it pretty good. Frankly Im jealous. I suppose thats all I have to say about that. If you feel like emailing me, youre more than welcome. Props to anyone thatd like to off my ass.
|21 Oct 2006||Chris||Jump off a building. Im going to do it in a couple of days.|