Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

Nom/email
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
03 Feb 2002 Lucy Cortina "Oops! She did it again"

Last night I was sat watching TV with my sister on my knee. Mum came in and said "ohh, you look so sweet together.. I remember when you were that age.. blah blah blah..." Oh god, here we go, the 'How did my little girl get so big?' routine. Sure enough, Mum's eyes got all watery and she started stroking my hair (v.annoying!) and started to say "how did my little girl get so big?"
Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on where you were sitting) my sister let off the smelliest, loudest fart known to humanity. It came out with such force that she lifted off my knee - like a hovercraft. Even she looked surprised by what had come out of her. I pushed her off my knee.. Eughhhh!...
Grandad farted once when we were out in the street. Really loudly. There was a posh-looking-woman behind him walking her dachshund dog. You know, those little sausage dog things (*). The woman heard grandad's fart (who didn't?) and she said "Well really!!"
And grandad said "I'm terribly sorry, madam, I seem to have shot the legs off your dog!" (*)
02 Feb 2002 Lucy Cortina Well well well... I see there's been a few dog fights here. Deary me. Honestly, this is a civilised website, you should be ashamed of yourselves!
No jokes today Mouchette, sorry. I need to put my thinking cap on and come up with something. Can't have you dying on us now, can I? Something funny I saw on Tv last night though: there was this talkshow about sexual 'experiences'. A man was on, claiming his g/friend chained him to a bed with handcuffs. She then came in with some baby oil, and hit him on the ass, saying "You naughty boy!!" then when he turned around to look, it was his girlfriend's mum! hahaha
02 Feb 2002 (this is irrelevant) It is my belief that that boy who flew a light aircraft into the sky scraper had been looking at this site before doing so. I've looked through these miserable sad pages, and seen a few times suggestions of flying planes into buildings and so on. How do you sleep at night mouchette? huh? knowing that this website provides a mine of ideas and information to the whole world. how would you feel if you caused something terrible to happen cos of publishing these sick sick ideas? huh u wanka? what if someone decided to go and shoot all the kids in their school cos of reading it on here? one thing for sure i'm gonna report this site to a lot of people. i bet you've already had a lot of complaints. and so u should. u won't get away with this, sickman!
02 Feb 2002 S.Oppy Lucky that my breasts are small and humble, so you don't confuse them with mountains.
02 Feb 2002 Francine I bet that 95% of you in here are all from the US, right? It's not hard to see that. Who else would whitter on and on about 'society this... society that...' bla bla... and it's obviously easy to get yr hands on a gun in america. so why don't u try live in the Uk, Australia, France, Germany.. and so on? That'd be a better solution i reckon. now i'm not sayin that life in the Uk (where i live) is a box of chocolates cos it ain't. but i think the pace of life over here is slower, which may be the reason why our suicide rate is considerably lower than the US. don't get me wrong - i'm no racist, but obviously there's a difference.
02 Feb 2002 The Real Mouchette Just to let you know who the Real Boss Here is, I even publish some crap from people pretending to be me (see below). No, I'm not closing down my site. Not in the near future.
And as long as Lucy Cortina writes her daily story, I shall want to live one more day to know what she will write next.

I want to remind every reader of the Suicide Kit board that everything here is published by hand by someone who reads it, occasionally corrects some typos and puts it online (or not). Ok?
And this person is Me: The Real Mouchette.
02 Feb 2002 The boss here Just to let you all know, I will be closing down my site within the next 2 months. What do you think of that, Lucy Cortina? I would like to say I am very pleased with the success of my website these past few years, but the time has come for me to move on. THANKYOU ALL!!!
LOTS OF LOVE, MOUCHETTE, XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.
02 Feb 2002 Miss vagina Be the angry man that shouted at Britney spears, claiming that she says "baby, dont u wanna have sex with me?" in 'slave 4 u'. only to find out that she just says "baby, dont you wanna dance upon me?". Too late, you attacked her and got squashed by that great big oaf she has for a security guard. Death is instant.
02 Feb 2002 Andrew n Redding I think the best way to kill yourself would be to run your parents' car in the garage and have a hose from the tailpipe to the window and make a small crack so the bad air can get it but not a lot can get out- put your foot on the gas so more will come out-then you fall asleep and you never wake up then all the mother-fuckers that did bad shit to you will feel like shit thinking that they could have saved you-i play on doing this cause everyday i wake up feeling like shit and i feel even worse every single day and mainly cause i dont know the cause of this. i have all the friends in the world i get everything i want and i can do anything i want- my parents let me do all kinds of drugs and tell me that i shouldn't but they don't give a fuck anywayz all my friends think i should get help and that it's gunna get better- well FUCK THEM those cock sucker jew-bitches dont kno shit they dont kno what i have to feel every day of my life and they dont kno all the shit i have to do though in my life everyday so fuck the world cause life ISN'T worth living and i think if you really are depressed and feel this shit pain everyday then you should kill yourself like i plan on to tonight-everyone one wish me good look and i hope to maybe see some of you where were all going

I'M SORRY TO MY MOM AND MY DAD, IT DIDN'T HAVE TO COME TO THIS BUT I HATE YOU, YOU'RE ONLY A BUNCH OF COCK SUCKERS-FUCK YOU AND AT MY FUNERAL I WANT YOU TO PLAY "LAST RESORT" BY PAPA ROACH
01 Feb 2002 go baby Never return from an "out of body experience". that's sooo easy, yeah? i've had almost 6 OOB experiences.
01 Feb 2002 just don't The best way? well i can't answer that but i do know many ways. that's not why i am here. i am here to tell u that Jesus' second coming is almost upon us. He will return in a blaze of glory to the mount of olives. The whole world will see him. The armies will all be gathered around the holy land. he will throw out all the 'religious freaks' and the ppl that are really truly evil. he will save US ALL. so don't kill urself, or u will never be able to experience the glory of jesus!
01 Feb 2002 S.T.H. hey u Lucy Cortina, ur really really funny! i nearly choked laffing at all ur posts! keep it up wont u. also good that u provoked a personal reaction from mouchette, well done!
as to question of suicide, i would just jump off a very tall building.
01 Feb 2002 Lucy Cortina "Tastes Good"

I can already feel myself getting fed up with boys and I haven't had anything to do with them yet. Oh god, please don't make me have to be a lesbian like Hairy Kate or Miss Stamp!
(What do lesbians do, anyway?)

Ellen and Christy rang from a phonebox. They took turns to speak French accents. Were going for a walk tomorrow, or 'La Marche Avec Mystery'.
Have put face mask made from egg yolks on just in case we see any 'les garcons gorgeous' on our walk. It turned out that I blocked the sink with the egg yolk residue. Anyway, I must have fallen asleep with the cucumber slices over my eyes. My sister crept into my room and ate one of the cucumber slices. It gave me a terrible shock to see her face looming over me when I wasn't expecting it. For a minute, I thought the Grim Reaper had come to take me, but no such luck. I got up and cleaned it all off. Welcome to the new more womanly, confident me!!
01 Feb 2002 Matty. If u ask me, killing yourself wouldn't really do it for me. I mean what happens after suicide, i think you should do something exciting, say a minor kidnapping. I mean you are gonna kill yourself so why not. Or if you like me, i was gonna kill myself and i told this girl about it, and ever since then, life's been great, she's always doing shit for me. It's so cool, anyway if you wanna kill yourself go ahead, but think why not enjoy life instead of giving up, it could pay off, Something could happen and your life could be good again.
01 Feb 2002 BILL BILLSON I'D HAVE TO SAY THE BEST WAY TO KILL YOURSELF IS TO HAVE SEX WITH ME. I HAVE AIDS.
01 Feb 2002 Mark Bennett Hi! Mouchette.
I'm not very worried about who reads anything that I may write down. If a person is going to kill themselves, then nothing you or I say will change any of that. I say do if your going to or shut up about it! Most of those people only want some body to pay attention to them and sometimes bad attention is better than none at all! And perhaps I'm dead now too! And if so, who will shed tears for me? Only the earth will weep for me. While I'm still alive; Find me at:
whiteblood44@yahoo.com
Yours.
Mark Bennett
31 Jan 2002 Lucy Cortina "Man! I feel like a woman!"

'My dad is a tranny' story:
I was looking for tweezers in mum and dad's bedroom. Why mum thought I wouldn't find them in dad's tie drawer, I don't know. I did find something very strange in the tie drawer as well as the tweezers. It was a sort of apron thing in a special box. I hope against hope dad is not a transvestite. It'd be more than flesh and blood could stand if I had to 'understand' his feminine side. And me, mum and my sister have to watch whilst he clatters around in one of mum's nighties and fluffy mules... we'll probably have to start calling him Daphne.
I suppose dad was surprised when he came to tackle me about dyeing my hair blond. "At least I'm a real woman!!" I shouted at him. "What in the name of ass is that supposed to mean?" he said. Honestly, he can be so crude sometimes.

After dinner, when dad was doing the washing up, I said casually "Why don't you use your special apron, dad?"
He went ballistic and said I shouldn't go prying through his drawers. I said "I think I have a right to know if my dad is a transvestite!" Mum laughed, which made him even madder. Mum said "Calm down darling, it's just that it's quite funny to think of you as a transvestite". Then she started laughing again. Dad went off to the pub, thank goodness.
Mum said "It's his Masonic apron. You know, that huddly duddly, pulling up one sock, I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine sort of thing".
I smiled and nodded, but I haven't the remotest idea what she was talking about.
31 Jan 2002 Liz_high_goddess i think it would be interesting to try to overdose on nutmeg. the spice, nutmeg, can get you very high in small amounts, but claims are made that it can be fatal. Since i have never heard of anyone dying from ingesting nutmeg, i don't know if this claim is valid. But it would be worth a shot, cause if it didn't work, you'd just be really stoned. That canister of regular ground nutmeg in the spice cabinet should do nicely.

i have used nutmeg. it does get you high, but it might make your eyes a little red for an hour or so. so be careful, 'cause people will think you use pot. it wouldn't however show up on any drug test and it's legal, so i do it at work. i am hoping my boss will ask me to take a drug test. this would be very funny to me. if you want advice on using nutmeg, e-mail me. if you try this because of me, e-mail me. if you'd like to know ways of making it not taste bad, e-mail me.

enjoy nutmeg: another great plant from mother nature!
30 Jan 2002 STVE OKAY LISTEN UP YOU MOTHERFUCKERS. *NONE* OF YOU HAVE HAD IT WORSE THAN I HAVE.. SO FUCK YOU ALL. HAS ANYBODY -- I'M TALKING ANYBODY IN HERE EVER HAVE A NUT RASH??? I DON'T THINK U HAVE. I DOUBT U EVEN KNOW WHAT ONE IS. WELL LET ME TELL YOU WHAT A "NUT RASH" IS. IT'S A RASH ON YOUR FUCKIN NUTS. THAT'S RIGHT A SCROTUM RASH AND IT'S PAINFUL. I GOT ONE AFTER I LET SOME BITCH GIVE ME HEAD AND A 1 HOUR HANDJOB... SHORTLY AFTER (LIKE A DAY OR TWO) I REALIZED THAT MY DICK WAS TURNING RED AND IT BROKE OUT IN A RASH. SINCE THEN, IN THE PAST FEW MONTHS I HAVE SEEN OVER 7 DIFFERENT DERMATOLOGISTS, BEEN PUT ON A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT MEDICATIONS INCLUDING ANTIFUNGALS AND STEROIDS. AND FINALLY -- FINALLY AFTER FUCKING 2 MONTHS OF SUFFERING THE RASH IS ALMOST COMPLETELY GONE. BUT DAMN. IT TOOK A FUCKIN WHILE. AND EVERY DAY -- EVERY DAY I'M TELLING YOU WAS A LIVING HELL FOR ME. I COULDN'T SIT RIGHT, COULDN'T SLEEP RIGHT, COULDN'T GO OUT AND TALK TO PEOPLE CUZ THE THING WOULD ITCH SO BAD I'D HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE PRIVATE TO FUCKIN ITCH IT. I VISITED THE BATHROOM EVERY 5 MINUTES MY FRIENDS ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG BUT IT'S TOO EMBARRASSING TO TELL THEM U HAVE A FUNGAL RASH ON YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN PENIS, ISN'T IT ? SO QUIT WHINING ABOUT YOUR STUPID ASS PROBLEMS -- TO THOSE WHO ARE SICK AND IN PHYSICAL PAIN I CAN FINALLY RELATE TO YOU AND I GIVE U MY SYMPATHY CUZ THERE IS NO HELL LIKE THAT. FUCK IT HURT TO WALK TO MY MOTHERFUCKIN CLASSES FOR SO LONG AT THE COLLEGE I'M AT JUST CUZ OF THIS RASH. THANK GOD IT'S GONE BUT IT'LL DAMNNN 2 OR 3 MONTHS OF MY LIFE WASTED AND ALL THAT FUCKIN MONEY. ON TOP OF THAT I WAS ALOONE FOR CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEARS' I EVEN RAN INTO MY EX-GIRLFRIEND AT A KOREAN RESTAURANT IN ANNANDALE ON THE NIGHT OF CHRISTMAS !!!! I'M SITLL VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH HER BUT SHE DOESN'T KNOW THAT CUZ I'M TOO SCARED TO APPROACH HER AGAIN SO WE JUST STARED AT EACH OTHER LIKE FUCKIN MORONS ACROSS THE RESTAURANT. PLUS I DON'T WANT HER TO SEE ME LIKE THAT -- FUNGAL RASH AND ALL -- AT THE TIME. NOW IT SEEMS LIKE LIFE WOULD BE BETTER CUZ THE RASH IS GONE RIGHT? MAYBE I COULD GO HOME AND CALL HER UP AND VISIT HER ? WRONG. CUZ NOW THAT MY PENAL SKIN IS BACK TO NORMAL MY FUCKIN FACE ISN'T. I HAVE TWO HUGE ZITS ONE IN THE MIDDLE OF MY FUCKING FOREHEAD I WONDER WHEN THE FUCK IT'S GONNA GO AWAY. ANOTHER ONE I POPPED ON MY LEFT CHEEK AND ITS LEFT A RED MARK THAT'S BEEN THERE 5 DAYS ALREADY. AS LONG AS THOSE ARE HERE I AIN'T IN THE MOOD TO CALL ANY EX, OR ANY GIRL FOR THAT MATTER UP. I GO TO CLASS WEARING A VISOR CUZ I DON'T WANT PEOPLE SEEING MY FACE WHICH, WITHOUT THE PIMPLES, WOULD ACTAULLY BE NOT BAD LOOKING. ANYWAYS WELCOME TO MY HELL. AND FUCK YOU MORONS.
30 Jan 2002 Lucy Cortina "Lesbian Lust"

Someone farted in assembly this morning (I suspect nauseating P.Green). Whoever it was, it was really loud and it was during the silence we were having to think about all the poor people. And it wasn't just a quick one, it was a real knee trembler.
At the moment I'm absolutely frozen. I may have TB. Honestly, Miss Stamp is obviously a sex pervert as well as clearly being a lesbian. Why else would anyone make girls run around in sports knickers hitting a ball with sticks? She calls it hockey - I call it the wanderings of a sick mind. If I miss the party cos of lesbian lust Miss Stamp WILL DIE. SHE WILL DIE.
(and I can vouch for that).

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