|Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.|
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?
Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
|15 Aug 2004||Phil||Congrats Harry! There really are easier ways to do it though...
1. Get your tits out
2. Get your tits out
3. Get your tits out
(As a matter of interest, would Britney get her 'titneys' out?)
|15 Aug 2004||Phil||Ha, that's ok crack. Any excuse for me to get in a mention of Lucy, you understand...|
|14 Aug 2004||crackerjack||Jesus... you should be a Philosiper. Good work, luv :)
Anyways, I already said sorry once.
|13 Aug 2004||Phil||PS - It's a glorious day today - Friday 13th. Lots of bad things are going to happen to people because they are waiting for them to happen. If they bothered to pay attention though, they might see that every single day is the same.|
|13 Aug 2004||Phil||Felicia is on the ball as always, yet I feel that in a way, "crackerjack" did have a SMALL point. Lucy's breasts did indeed start to become too big for her bra. And as Lucy's breasts inflated, so did my ego - and I became too big for my boots. Lucy retired because I am not sane or 'together' enough to do the hard but admirable work that 'normal' successful writers do. I still miss the times when I used to be in bed at night, and a flash of Lucy-inspiration whopped me in the face like a pair of swinging breasts (no need to say WHO the breasts belonged too). I can still pursue the breasts if I wish, though perhaps not so enthusiastically, plus they seem to swing less often these days. Perhaps Lucy decided enough was enough, got a reduction, and super-glued her breasts firmly together. I still miss the girl she was, but thankfully she still visits me from time to time.|
|11 Aug 2004||Felicia The Great Gatsby||What Is A Critic?
A critic is a person who pays attention to every detail you do. Maybe it's because they care or maybe it's because they hate you. In this website, it can go both ways.
Does it matter that I'm gay? What if I wasn't? Does it matter if I'm Asian or Hispanic? What if I was African American? Why is it that some of you have a gripe when I speak with Phil or Lucy or Bill or Todd? I truly adore Phil because he made me laugh out of my misery in this website (apparently he emotionally saved my life). For Billy the Freak, I honestly believe that he is a comedian who collaborates well with Lucy. Why? Because I feel it and that this man should seriously get into acting or writing books. For Todd, I dont know what happened to him but I honestly think that he is a cutie. (Well, from a girls standpoint, he truly is.) And to the Mouchette.org affiliates, you have a gift in creating such an opinioned website.
As for the comment from Cracker Jack; is making conversation truly wrong? Does the fact that humans conversing in harmony bother you? Is it because that when you find that something so weird and perplexing cause you a disturbance? Say something that brings you to this concern. And please dont have the fear of becoming homophobic . I believe that you are a heterosexual and will not consider you to be a homophobe. Since I live in the capital of a gay community, San Francisco, I have friends in both sides.
Take a look at the world around and open your eyes to culture. You do not have to accept it or you can take it with a grain of salt. I'm sure you have something of value that you would like to share with me and Phil OR if you choose not to, you can share your insights with others that can relate with you on the same level. All people do not have to think alike. Always make note that people are entitled to their own opinion.
Be discreet and show courtesy to the suicidal minded people. These people are finding ways to console themselves by finding help or keeping occupied. Maybe having them read this website can give them the incentive to keep on living,
This is a website where all people of ethnic diversities are welcome to post their concerns, humor, advise, insults, and more.
Don't hold back and remember that today is the first day of the rest of your life.
|08 Aug 2004||crackerjack||I feel i should apologise. Phil, I'm truly sorry for calling you a fucking gay fag with his hand shoved firmly up his rectum.
I never realised....
Nah, just kiddin', but seriously, no offense I didn't mean to be quite that rude. I hope you find a nice southern boyfriend soon.
|07 Aug 2004||Phil||Hey, there is nothing wrong with depressed/suicidal fag hags. We have feelings too!!|
|05 Aug 2004||crackerjack||Phil, you talk like you have one hand firmly crammed up your rectum!!!
And you know that's fine, if you do. Just don't talk like you do, ok?
|05 Aug 2004||crackerjack||What is with the gay fucks Felicity and Phil who post on this site??? They like talk to each other like two flirting fags!!! not that i'm homophobic or anything, but there's a time and fucking place for everything... you have totally the wrong place guys....|
|03 Aug 2004||Felicia and the Spanking Monkey||Phil baby!!!
I came back and decided to put some "Umphf" into this site once more. And besides, I love you back. Dear, some thing is wrong with my U key, it keeps popping out. I am watching a "Wayne's World" marathon and on my way to work. Didn't jump in the shower yet... too lazy. There is this male friend of mine I completely adore and it is his birthday today, August 3. He is absolutely gorgeous and loves "Jui Jit Su". Maybe he has some secret mission to conquer the world. But I am still down here... you know... folding origami, basket weaving, washing stinky four legged creatures, and listening to ABBA.
Oh my, where's my chiquiquita banana!
Oh wait!!!!! There it is!!!
|01 Aug 2004||Phil||*Tut tut*, you don't seem to understand. You see, it's because I have titillated and teased Mouchie for a few years now with Big Breasted Lucy Cortina, and he/she/they (?) still feels a buzz of naughty excitement whenever I am in close proximity.|
|01 Aug 2004||Flamer||I HATE YOU MOUCHETTE!!!!! You're a fucking loser!!! Hey man, I can't say I understand all of your art, and even if I did understand it, I wouldn't give a damn either you boring NERDY death loving freak. But you sir, have the absolute WORST taste in the world!!! I mean, when it comes to choosing the your "favourite" answers on this site. What the fuck were you thinking when you put Phil's latest answers in your favourite posts? Was it funny, interesting..... anything??? NO!!!!!!!! It was nothing!! NOTHING!!!!! And for that Mouchette, you deserve to die and rot in hell for all eternity.
The best way to kill yourself if you are under 13 is SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DON'T ASK ME STUPID QUESTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|30 Jul 2004||Phil||Felicia you naughty girl, how dare you. This is my first look back on this site in a while, and already Felicia is slandering me. It's a bit boring now on this forum since the regulars left in search of fame, but it's nice to see that Dear Felicia has remained in the gutter with the rest of us. I love you darling! I'm sure that even the most drab of people here have much more exciting lives than me. I've been cooped up with German relatives, and an uncle who is so old fashioned that we have to light a coal fire to get hot water (I'm surprised he hasn't started wearing leaves yet). My grandad, meanwhile, is a constant source of fun. He is in his late 70's, but once when he wanted to go to bed early, and my uncle said he couldn't (there's a little gate at the bottom of the stairs to stop him going up alone) he replied with "I'm fed up of this, I'm going to tell my mum!" Who of course is dead. This week he had another outburst, when my uncle was having a glass of whisky, and said "You can't have that, you're too young!!" My uncle is 49. And then there was the incident where he got up in the middle of the night, shouting like a madman, wanting to call a taxi. Enough said already.
It's been a tough few years and it's amnazing that I am still alive, but I think I take after Marilyn Manson (great guy), who says he is too selfish to kill himself. That's something for you all to consider, afterall, you TOO still read this forum don't you... (I know you do, Mr Billy and co)
|28 Jul 2004||Felicia The Great Born In The Year of the Spanking Monkey||Oh dear, dear, dear, Billy!
You are always welcome into my apartment, but dont be surprised that you see me walking in my birthday suit. I just did 400 bits (sit ups) today and 200 more. You caught me swinging my arms and legs moving back and forth on the Elliptical stair climber. I got this Jack Lalaine video and thought it was a scream. You know the old man still eats raisin brain, then yammers away Go to health, go to health! I thought it was an incantation to the underworld, but I had to take the earplugs out of my ears because old lady Thatcher kept farting away downstairs and ruined my sense of concentration.
Oh, I didnt mean to pull the top of your hair. I meant to grab you by the arms but I kept slipping off the Elliptical climber because all my perspiration was so darn slippery. I ran out of towels used them all to line the cracks of my floor because old lady Thatchers smoke was seeping through.
So you wanted to do something to me. You sneaky, sneaky, boy!
Just want to let you know that Lucy has the hots for you or is it Phil.
Billy, being unisex really isnt all that bad. But for me Im just a girl.
a naughty, naughty girl.
Now put that in your book.
|26 Jul 2004||Flamer||Hello, I'd just like to say that some fuck face name Anarchy is a stupid ass. Look what he wrote,
"these "don't do it" posts make me mad because who the hell are you <random person> to say what one should/n't do?? if you want out, well, it's up to you. in this apathetic world, you should just learn to live with your emotions and deal with them."
You say the "don't do it posts" make you mad, yet you also say that the world is apathetic. If the world was apathetic, there wouldn't be people who give a rats ass enough to try to talk people out of suicide..... so FUCK YOU!!!! The "don't do it" posters aren't trying to control every aspect of a person's life you fuckin moron, they're just trying to express their general concern for humanity in the only way they know how, so get a brain in your fuckin head, penis breath. Oh, and by the way, how the fuck do you suggest that people "just learn to live with your emotions and deal with them"?? Your philosophy goes NOWHERE and says NOTHING!!! because that's what you are, NOTHING you pathetic son a bitch!!! You think anarchy is cool??? Oh well, too bad loser, it's NEVER going to happen...... EVER!! MUA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!
|30 Jun 2004||Jeff||The best way to kill yourself, now that is an easy one. You can do it and keep living to, astounding right? You can sit there with a bottle of pills, threatening to cut at your conciouness and perception of reality. Not to kill yourself, but forfiet to a Lithium fantasy. Many people would argue with me, but suicide isn't always the easiest way out. I think the point is to try and endure what is creating uncomfortable or seemingly unbearable point in your life. I talk about enduring hardships with no faith in God or any forign deity. At best eastern philosophy. Like steel is tempered, emotion can made the same way. Of course it leaves you bitter and calious, but once you lose sight of your dreams you gain sight of reality. This isn't to say you won't find something to make you happy ever again, but you will be less prone to end up where you were. At the sametime that has to do with dilusions of self pity. Sometimes I wish my life was as bad as I make it out to be, then maybe at least I would feel sorry for myself.
If you think things are bad, they are still bad if your dead only then you lacked the strength and conviction to face them. If you take the medication, you are trying to hide lifes darker side. Its still there wether you left yourself the state of mind to aknowledge it or not. You may think it non-sense, but when your doctor wants to load you up with effexor and Litium, he doesn't have you intelligence and clear thinking in mind.
AND I DIDN'T SPELL CHECK, i bet it shows
|29 Jun 2004||billy the freak||i didn't bother to announce myself when i finally decided to walk through the door. i opened it slowly half expecting it to creek loudly. it didn't creek, the pins and hinges moved smoothly. i guess miss thatchet can spare a squirt of oil when you pay your rent on time. felicia always had priorities. i snuck down the hall like a rapist moving in on his pray. i came to the living room and immediately saw falicia staring out the window. she must not have noticed me because she kept staring, kept tapping her pen on her notebook. so i sidestepped till i was directly behind her at about ten paces.
she didn't know i was there. my stealthiness excited me there was a warm sensation running through my face and loins. the wind blowing through the window sent wisps of her hair into a swirl, i felt like ravishing her. instead i tip toed up to her and and covered her eyes with my hands.
"guess who?" i whispered.
immediately she elbowed me in the groin. by the time i doubled over she was standing and grabbed me by my hair and pulled me forward into the chair she was sitting on. i tripped and fell by then she had the chair over her head ready to crash into me. it amazes me the will of instinct.
"damn it falicia chill out!" i pleaded.
"billy you bastard!" she screamed. "don't you knock. i was so scared i would of killed you." i believed her. i got up and shook myself to my senses.
"i thought we were on a no knock basis." i said as i rubbed my head were she had grabbed the handful of my mange.
"we WAS on a no knock basis." she said. "when we was knocking boots. but you can't come in and out of here like you do my life, okay."
"yeah." i answered.
"so what do you want? to drop another dead body, because miss thatchet said no more till you pay up on your rent."
"no nothing like that. i...i..." i stuttered.
"what the hell do you want billy!." she spit at me. she was obviously upset and now i felt like leaving. i franticly looked around for an answer and saw the book shelf.
"i came to get the copy of guns and ammo i left here." i lied.
"i am pretty sure you got them all billy." she huffed impatiently. " take a look."
i went over to the book shelf and started looking through her magazines. woman's health, trim, and shape. luckily i found a copy of guns and ammo i had left and gave an internal sigh of relief.
"did you find it?" she asked now sitting in her chair again staring out the window and tap tap tapping.
"yep, august 2001 the one i was missing." i said as i read the date off the top again lying to her.
"good, then if you will i am busy i got many things on my mind." she politely told me to leave.
then i noticed the half eaten chocolate easter bunny on the top of the book shelf. i thought about the weight magazines and the bunny that has been sitting there since easter and it hit me.
"falicia have you lost weight? not saying that you are fat or anything but you are looking trimmer." in all actuality i didn't notice a difference, she looked like the same old beautiful falicia to me.
"oh billy you noticed. i lost eight and a half pounds and i centered it around my mid section. i worked so hard and dieted so long. you was the first person to notice. you know i am not the one to around bragging but..." she was about to go on one of thous emotion filled rants about life and goals so i decided to interrupt her.
"falicia, now that i am on you lighter side..." i stopped to smile at her so that she caught my pun.
" i feel that it is time that we try to make our relationship work. no more in and out just for the in and out."
"billy i can't go through anymore heart ache with you your lucky we are still friends." she sighed."you know i will always love you. i just can't carry the weight of your baggage."
after such a heartfelt turndown i decided against just coming out and asking for sex.
"well then do you mind if i just hang out for the weekend i am lonely and feeling down and you were the first person i thought of. in fact when i get down you are the only person i think of. i mean your not seeing any one right now right." i asked sheepishly.
"wadda ya say?"
"okay billy but no freaky stuff because i will throw you in the closet." she pointed her finger directly in my face.
"i would never." i protested.
"yes you would." this time she poked the finger in my chest. "besides our friend from england is coming. i was going to have you up here anyway."
"lucy is coming. that is great." my mind quickly filled with thoughts of a threesome. when will she be here?"
"well billy, i don't now how to tell you this, but lucy is really a guy." she bit her lip and waited for a reply.
"what are you saying" i said confused.
"lucy is a seventeen year old homosexual male named phil." she again waited for me to say something. when she noticed i was going to be silent she continued." he came out in england and and now he wants us to help him come out in america."
"now i know why lucy kept me under the bed and would not let me touch her...er...him. oh my goodness!" my mind started to race. my dreams started to crumble. the very ground i standed on seem soft like gelatin. "what the fucking hell."
"look billy, lucy is a part of phil. an alter-ego if you will. to know all of lucy you got to know phil. and to know phil is to know all of lucy. got it. try to be open minded." her words sounded good enough i guess.
"so when is she...he coming?" i asked.
"tomarrow morning." she replyed. "does this mean you are going to behave?"
"it is like you said lucy is phil, phil is lucy, i love lucy so i will at least learn to like phil." falicia got up and hugged me.
"good. we are having brunch at the hotel at ten you two will have plenty time to talk." she sat down and this time she wasn't staring or tapping she was writing. i leaned down and asked her what this was all about with the window and the notebook she said she was inspired.
when i asked by what she told me to look at the vacant lot across the street and asked me what i saw.
" a few bums sleeping, some trash, and a shopping cart full of aluminum cans." all of a sudden i needed a drink.
"no silly look harder." she said whimsically.
"don't see anything falicia." i said.
"of coarse you don't you don't see the positive in any thing. look down the middle where the street light is and look a little left." i did and i saw a yellow flower
growing out of a crack in the asphalt. all i saw was shit. falicia saw something beautiful in that pile of shit. at that moment i understood her just a little bit more. now i need that drink.
|16 Apr 2004||Pink Boy Phil||No no no Mouchette, dont you start sending me links to rogue webpages again. Last time that happened, I was treated to a picture of an emourmous arse. What could it possibly be this time...? An enormous poosy perhaps? Sorry, but I will never, EVER be a straight poosy lover.
I am pure Pink Boy.
|14 Apr 2004||Ghost of Lucy Cortina (Phil)||I very rarely look at Mouchie's death-kit these days, but I'm glad I do. It was in fact a post by, I think, Elaine, that touched me and prompted me to post on this occasion. I also see and am shocked to learn that my now dead alter-ego, Lucy Cortina, (as if MY big ego would ever die!), is now on the famous users list. Yay! For someone like me, that is like winning 20 lotteries, and American Idol 2.
I am going to leave an email address this time, but before any Lucy booby-stalkers start celebrating, it IS an address that I use very little.
I miss being Lucy Cortina. It was such fun. I loved being inside a girls body. Hang on... that sounds rude. I must stress that I would NEVER want to be inside a poosy.
Not being Lucy anymore is like a starvation. It's like Pavarotti on a diet. Sat at the cafe, and suddenly the phone rings:
"Step away from the chocolate muffin..." (and cake, and cookies, and doughnuts, and fries, and tiramissu, and potato chips...)
Anyway, that's what it's like.
I hear that Lucy's rival, Titney Spears, is doing a suicide, yes a suicide scene in her next music video. How dare she!!! She is stealing all of her ideas from the suicide kit, and most importantly, the now deceased Lucy Cortina! Ok, Britney CAN be sexy, she can have large boobies (since theyre not real anyway), and she can have blonde hair (or red, or black, or whatever colour it currently is...)
But suicide is not her thing - she has never experienced true suicidal hell in all her life. Suicide is OUR realm, not hers.
*As a point of interest, if a man squeezed Britney's fillets, would that be considered as cheating? (since her fillets are not real anyway?)
Ok, I shouldn't push this any longer, so I will end my monthly mouchette visit here. Feel free to email me anyone...
Take care darlings,