Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

Nom/email
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
07 Mar 2003 Lucy Cortina Breastfully truthfull. Did you expect less? I'm not Britney...
07 Mar 2003 Michael Mackellar ...And so it should be, Lucy.
Let us seek Peace. Let us become effectively gentle and thoughtfully caring towards one another. Lucy Cortina... Such a Beautiful name!! And how blessfully truthful it seems for you.
06 Mar 2003 Lucy Cortina When I first came to this site I was jut a suicidal freak called Lucy, with larger-than-average 'bloomers'. I used writings from a book I was reading at the time to get my, er, 'talents' noticed. Which ain't easy when you're among suicidal people!
In musical terms I did a "cover-version" which presented my vocal (and breastial) skills to the world.
Since then I've (they've) literally been 'thrust' (*ooh!*) into the limelight, which is where I've (they've) remained.
Like Madonna, a bit of re-invention (and a few new bras!) was necessary. If no-one bought my records (or prodded my tits), and I didn't remain in the Top 10 (Mouchie's "favourites" list) then I would have floated away like a fart in space.
So, just like we're stuck with the likes of awful Aguilera, Britney Spears, etc. in this world, you are stuck with me, until I start turning to pills and booze to escape my showbiz life.

Now, if we can't resolve this conflict Michael - and I extend my bosom in the name of Peace - then let's start throwing our dollies at each other.
I have a new stock of bras just ready for action...

"We come in peace".
05 Mar 2003 Lucy Cortina Know the feeling Michael. It's like The Osbourne's. Sure, Ozzy is ok. But then comes Jack. And the dreaded daughter Kelly to murder a Madonna track.
Keep the family away! This site is not for children!
05 Mar 2003 Lucy Cortina Felicia, I used to have the utmost respect for you until you started "dissing" and making a mockery out of my lushibuous breasts.
And they have feelings too!!!! They're a bit upset by all the press attention they have been getting recently. Forget about Justin Timberlake "grabbing Kylie Minogue's ass" being all over the news. Now it's just my tits. Reporters have such filthy minds! Shows how shallow the world is. I can't base my career on my chest, I have other qualities too! (Besides, it would fall off my chest). For example my eye lashes. They are so delicate, like silk.
03 Mar 2003 Felicia How To Give Water To A Dead Horse

“ Number one the horse is dead; so you flip him over with mouth open face forward towards the boat, positioned belly up. Then you tie a few ropes, loop the rope to a pulley, and rev your engine to sail using Lucy Cortina’s 40 DD bra. The water will surely go into the dead horse. Though you try to make sense of the whole thing, you’ve accomplished your goal. Never think that anything is impossible, because ‘impossible is but a word’. But never kill yourself for the sake of having to end a miserable life, because you never know what’s on the other side… it could be your Mother-in-law or someone you really can’t stand.”

End of story.
25 Feb 2003 Lucy Cortina Did someone say Blue Moon? Must be a rich mans version of Blue Nun I guess.
I should start being like Wacko Michael Jacko and make ridiculous claims like "I had 2 nosejobs! Just the two!" Or in my case boob-reducto jobs.

We cum in peace... they cum in teacups (the posh).
Which explains Queen Elizabeth's ridicoulous perm.
21 Feb 2003 Lucy Cortina *OO-ER*, I suspect a little too much of the old Smirnoff Ice may have passed your lips Michael.
I am only an inoccent gal floating in the corner of the room with delicate satin to spare my blushes.
We come in peace!
20 Feb 2003 Lucy Cortina Yes Michael, Solaris has been spotted, sandwiched in between my baps. Leave the poor mite be, he's safe and warm, with milk on tap if he needs it.
19 Feb 2003 Lucy Cortina Things get weirder in my life. And in life in general.
After sucking on too many yellow lollies, my lips got stuck together and I ended up with a "trout pout". So as you can imagine I look like a fish. Or a mermaid. A mermaid with 2 inflated dinghies on top of her.
So here I am, floating along in the ocean of life, waiting for a big steamer full of sailor boys to pick me up.
Shit! I just forgot about the WAR. I remember seeing signs saying "Don't Attack Iraq!" this morning when I went to buy my newspaper + condoms.
I could be killed by some huge navy vessel!!! So I need another type of 'vessel' to save me...

"BILLY!!! GET YOUR COCK HERE THIS INSTANT!!!!"
15 Feb 2003 Lucy Cortina Boob update: expansion of the fittest. Swelling phenomenal. I'm becoming one of those black African women that you see on these TV adverts that say "Please donate £1/month for some starving baby you have never and will never meet". You know, the ones with well droopy titties. I would give just £1 a month to those poor people so that the lady-folk could buy a bra between them. Anything to stop this horror on my TV screen!
Which is why I'm urging the lovely suicidal community of mouchette.org to donate me £1 a month so that I can purchase a stronger bra (I already used all the shopping bags, bin liners (not Bin Laden!), bed sheets and sellotape trying to keep my knockers under containment. They all broke).
So, that's £1 a month, and 2 bottles of lip gloss and 10 packs of self-heating face masks a month, please! And any other donations are welcome (even sperm if you so wish. I will have your babies for you, so long as it pays!)

I await your generosity in the name of breastexplosionity.
10 Feb 2003 Lucy Cortina Sorry I've been away. My boobs have expanded cos I had an allergic reaction to some soft mints. I'm red raw and like a fuckin hippo with tits. Still, I managed to play more pranks in the seaside town with my friend, who did a poop in a bag and then posted it through the letterbox, so the postman will get a poopy surprise! Poop Post, Royal Mail.
I love that t.A.T.u lesbian love song. The nurse at my unit who is a lezbo rubbed my back down with cream cos of my rash the other day, which was sickening.
Hmm I'm just telling you about my real life now, which is rather boring compared to the schizophrenic one :)
31 Jan 2003 Lucy Cortina (in olden days before christ)

"Oh yes" screamed the girl, "stick it in!!!" The handsome prince was busy with his ravishment of cinderella. Or was it sleeping beauty? Anyway, she was a princess. The angels of darkness, the dark riders and Lord Saaron himself were in pursuit of the 2 lovers. They had found thongs and g-strings strewn about the landscape of Mordor in their pursuit of the pair. No, not Lucy's breasts, THE RUNAWAYS! They searched far and wide, and among the scattered tampons - and even an erotic toy - they found a ring. The ring. What a ring it was! It would lead them to the couple.
But alas! using her super strong bras, Lucy and the prince had made catapults and were flinging dildo missiles at the crew following them. Saaron and his crew were dead in seconds...

(2003, UK, A Psychiatric unit)

As the prince and the lady embraced at their survival against Saaron back in the olden days, in 2003 a girl named Lucy lay in her bed in an in-patient unit as the doctors cured her of her schizophrenia. Slowly her visions were no more, and the tales of Mordor and breasts were nothing more than a fleeting memory of the past. No more breasts, no more Willy's, no more sisters.
Just Lucy again.
24 Jan 2003 Lucy Cortina Life at my in-patient unit this week was a blast again!!
I was unleashed from the unit for a day beside the seaside. The first thing I heard when I arrived was one of those escapologist-guys (they dress in chains and then break free. Just another form of S & M). He exlaimed: "My pole isa stiff no more!!" His Popeye lookalikey mate said "It must be the smell of the fish!" Well, it was a seaside town :)
Anyway I walked along the promenade past fish & chip shops, amusement arcades and the odd dungeon. I almost thought I heard Billy's cries of frustration from one, but put it down to my new medication. Anyway, as I turned a corner, plop! on my head it was! A seagull had pooped on me. Fantabbytastic! Poopy Cortina. I had spent ages perfecting my hair into a bun too!
Anyway, outside a gift shop I spotted one of those buggies that old people use to speed around in. I decided it would be nice to try it out, see if it can go faster than me. Well, boy was it fast! It shot forwards like Billy's cock!! 15 mile an hour those things can go. They're lethal, I'm sure I could have mown down a few tourists while I was there (A lot of Aussies were there too. One even said: "G'day Lucy, yie 'ad 'yer titties on the barbie?"). Anyway I was off, speeding around town on my buggy. Until the police caught up with me. Revealing my cleavage couldn't save me this time - the police guy escorted me back to my in-patient unit.
Which is when I opened my bottle of "fart spray" and sprayed it on the doorhandle to the doctor's office. The doctor once said to me: "I like your pig, Lucy. It looks very professional" (I once made a pig out of clay in an Art Group at the unit). Now it's even more professional, and she will soon find out!

Ooh I'm evil!
18 Jan 2003 Lucy Cortina Life at my inpatient unit is SUCH a blast. It's more like a youth hostel rather than a psychiatric unit.
Spying on a vegie-lezbo "doing her bits" in the bathroom alone excites me to an almost orgasmic state.
It may be unhealthy for a teenage, deeply curved, busty girl to develop obsessions with nurses, but hey-ho! I'm Lucy, I do as I please!
One of the nurses has a "third tit" - a yukky mole on her face. She's such a sad old bag. I tried to take a pic of the third tit as evidence, but couldnt bear the thought of being exposed to a bra-less tit on a face as cratered as Mars.
Anyway, from tits to 'down belows' - the only UK Tampax factory is closing down! (makers of English tampons). I was on the phone for over 2 hours today, waiting to complain. It was an automated phone service.

"To speak to an operator who is very nice, but no help at all, press 1.
To be cut off for no apparant reason, press 2.
To speak to an over-enthusiastic office girl, press 3..."

and so on, and so on. When I finally got through to complain, a voice - eerily similar to Christina Aguilera's - said in a sweet tone: "I'm sorry, we no longer produce tampons. Good day to you".

So I'm here all alone and tampon-less. Thanks to Christina Aguilera. She insists that people get "Dirrty".
Bang goes my chances with Billy...
16 Jan 2003 Felicia Est-ce que vous m' ecrirez, Mademoiselle Lucy Cortina? Je parle un peu le francais. Comprenez-vous? S'il vous plait comprends, Je suis American. Comment dit-on "fake boobs" en francais? Je ne peux rien manger de cuisine au pickled durs l'oeuf.
11 Jan 2003 frodo Lucy Cortina's new boyfriend there's no easy way to say this michael but PISS THE HELL OFF WITH UR CRAP!!!!
08 Jan 2003 Michael Mackellar Se Jeter~ i just discovered an unutterably remarkable book; one which may be of some assistance should you find yourself feeling... sinister. `Blank Slate`, by Steven Pinker. This heart-rendered work deals with human nature, from the angle of introducing considerations for conflict resolution and peacemaking that go way deeper than conventional analyses. Also, i should add, the book is rather large... so it may take a touch more effort to grasp. I'm currently sitting in my local hometown library, and 'Blank Slate' is resting safely in its secret cubbyhole. It is necessary for me to hide it away each day because my library card has been suspended, due to enormous late fees, and as a result i find myself effectively restricted from checking anything out. As long as 'Blank Slate' remains tucked away when i am elsewhere, i won't have to lose sleep over worring about some Willy Wanker-Sociology Major getting hold of it, and making me wait entirely too focking long for the return. I suspect this may, perhaps certainly, almost appear to seem a bit selfish... Yet i figure i have more than made up for it with my new years resolution. Yes, you guessed it, my wanking days drew to a close with the new year! You can't get much more selfless than that. Honestly though, i had the same thing planned last year... but the most ridiculously dream-like woman to ever step foot into a surrealist club happened to catch my interest right on new year's eve. We even spoke for a while, and i learned that she was aspiring to become a successful mesmerist. She proved the truth in her aspiration by singing the most beautiful song from 'Les Miserables', in my opinion. On My Own. Even still, it did not take me long to close up... And i soon convinced her that all we had to share, was distance. We returned, arms outstretched, to our separate ways. The club eventually closed, and i sped home in my wagon, cursing myself the whole live-long way for being so possessed by a shyness that is criminally vulgar. As a matter of course, i became frightfully distressed... so, when i arrived home and had crashed into bed, i proceeded to beat the hell out of myself... something like 8 or 9 times over. She was too beautiful. And i became so inhuman. Well, as one can well imagine, my set of unsuspecting sheets was in ruins. My selfless resolution was blown to bits not even 8 hours into the new year. This time around i am ready... i'm not caving in for anything!
Since lately i seem to have a remarkably enlarged amount of time on my hands for some reason that appears unfathomable, i've decided to copy the sleeve notes from 'Blank Slate', so in effect, you may be more readily able to decide whether or not such a book would interest you. I should add that 'A Beautiful Mind', 'I Stand Alone', and 'Shine' are 3 films worth renting. If you have yet to see them, please do so. ...The reason i've decided to include the notes from 'Blank Slate' is not entirely due to the mysteriously enlarged amount of time, i've also become quite happy since 'Common People' came on the radio a little while ago, and it happens to be one of my favorite songs.
I imagine Lucy Cortina as being quite fond of PULP, and i find myself wondering what other music exists as dearly to her... as dearly as she claims to have become to Herself. She claimed to feel so amazingly content... inside. LEGENDARY PINK DOTS, no question. ~the limits of my language define the limits of my world~ Ludwig Wittgenstein ~ ...but surpassing all stupendous inventions, what sublimity of mind was hers who dreamed of finding means to communicate her deepest thoughts to any other person, though distant by mighty intervals of space and time! of talking with those who are in Heaven; of speaking to those who are not yet born- and shall not be born for a thousand or a hundred thousand years. and with what felicity by the varied arrangements of constructs of our minds!! ~Soren
Sleeve Notes....... "Our conceptions of human nature affect every aspect of our lives, from the way we raise our children to the political movements we choose to embrace. Yet just as science is bring us into a golden age of understanding human nature, many people are hostile to the idea. They fear that discoveries about innate patterns of thinking and feeling may be used to justify inequality, to subvert social change, to dissolve personal responsibility, and to strip life of meaning and purpose. In 'Blank Slate', Steven Pinker explores the idea of human nature and its moral, emotional, and political colorings. He shows how many intellectuals have denied the existence of human nature by embracing 3 linked dogmas: the blank slate (the mind has no innate traits), the noble savage (people are born good and corroded by society), and the ghost in the machine (each of us has a soul to make choices free from the restrictions of biology). Each dogma carries a moral burden, so their defenders have engaged in desperate tactics to discredit scientists who are now challenging them. Pinker injects calm and rationality into these 3 debates by showing that equality, progress, responsibility, and purpose have nothing to fear from the discoveries about a rich human nature. He disarms even the most menacing threats with clear thinking, common sense, and pertinent facts from science and history. Despite its popularity among intellectuals during much of the twentieth century, he argues, the doctrine of Blank Slate may have done more harm than good. It denies our common humanity and our individual preferences, replaces hard-headed analyses of social problems with feel-good slogans, and distorts our understanding of government, violence, parenting, and the arts. Pinker shows that an acknowledgement of human nature that is grounded in science and common sense, far from being dangerous, can complement insights about the human condition made by millenia of artists and philosophers. All this is done with unutterably remarkable clarity..."
By the bye, i feel as though Eternity is the place that holds...................Time enough for Love. My Dream is to find each and every one of you there. And then....... [nicedream]
05 Jan 2003 Lucy Cortina Eternity... or heaven... would be a night inside me of course. What else?
04 Jan 2003 Lucy Cortina Hell, my dear Michael, is running out of mascara and eye-shadow, and forgetting to put your bra on before going to school. Trust me - I've been there.

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