Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
15 Mar 2003 Danny Keaton Dr Kildare, Lucy, is currently busy on an important project.
Our Infostream scientist, known as Herbert Egg, has been developing and refining his new invention the "boob-bomb" (not to be confused with the "Sex-bomb"). Undoubtedly YOU, Lucy, will be first in line to test out this wonderful, er, accessory.
Herbert had the gruelling task of placing boob-bomb bras on the chests of our model agents, and so your problem was overlooked, Lucy.
But never fear - we shall send someone as soon as we can. Your breasts are Infostream's biggest "assets" to the agency in all my 26 years of being an SSSS agent. They will be saved, like Iraq, you can count on that. Well, unless of course our arch-nemesis "BUSH" cannot be stopped.
15 Mar 2003 julie I think this is stupid... what if kids really want to kill themselves and they do these stupid things... then how are you going to feel??
15 Mar 2003 Felicia The candle light setting was romantic. The lighting in the restaurant was extremely cozy as the melodic tunes of "Alfie" played on the Steinway piano. There was "Mr. Blue Eyes" looking straight at me. His eyes were the bluest of bluest. That night, the food tasted exquisitely delicious. My choice of Alfredo Fettucini had a slight taste of the best creamy cheese in the world made from the freshest ingredients (no commercial pun intended). The olive oil served with the bread was absolutely, positively delicious! The picked portabella mushrooms served with a hint of endives was a compliment in the meal itself. For dessert, the Tiramisu and the espresso coffee was the icing on the cake. Staring at "Mr. Blue Eyes" was more exciting. Reese, finally popped the bottle of Champagne as the moon hit my eye like a big pizza pie. "Oops!" He said. "I'm sorry! I wasn't thinking!" Gently cupping the left side of my eye, Reese (Mr. Blue Eyes) spoke to me in calm-like fashion, and wrapped the champagne ice from the bucket, in the red linen cloth, and covered my left eye. An hour later after the incident, we slowed dance to the soft piano music playing. Dancing next to us was a handsome couple who had years behind them. The night was young, and the moon was full. The stars winked brightly in the night sky.

It made me think that at 14, I was glad that I didn't swallow those iron pills.

-Not the end-
15 Mar 2003 greg jumping off a cliff
14 Mar 2003 Lucy Cortina Well Danny, what can I say? My bra is certainly so big that you could string it all around the streets of Rome. I've faxed Mission Control about the alarming growth rate of my boobs, but they ignore the issue - they refused to send Dr. Kildare to inspect my problem.
As for Mission Vixy, well, when the vicars see my huge inflatables tumbling down the hill, they will think it's the second coming of Jesus and flee.
Jesus never did approve of nakedness. As we all know...
one second burns for a billion years/and time is relative/and light is physical/we feel your body/we feed your feelings/we see the eye of god blink through the citadel/and in your hands time was made/and through our breathing we'll erase it/and you can see forever/before love and hate/as space is lost/behind the universe/and in your mind hell was made/and through our breeding/we'll populate it/and you can feel forever/before faith and fear/and we will fall right through the walls/of this place where we are chained/right into the open mouth of the great annihilator...///... ~m.gira
~THE DARKROOM SEARCH~ They say that Love makes us blind, and by this they explain the phenomenon. In case a man going into a darkening room to fetch something were to reply to my advice that he carry a torch by saying, "The Thing i am seeking is only a mere trifle, therefore i wield no torch." ...Ah, then i could understand him quite perfectly. On the other hand, when the same man takes me aside and confides to me in a mysterious manner that the thing he went to fetch was of unutterably remarkable importance, and therefore he could manage to do it blindly... i wonder how my poor mortal head might be able to follow the high flight of his speech. Even if only for fear of offending him i might refrain from laughter, as soon as his back was turned my head would explode with it.
But at Love... Nobody laughs.
Save the Gods.

~Pray your Gods who hold you by your Fear/for they are quick and ruthless punishers/Or lay upon my alter now your Love/i fear my Time is short/there are Armies moving close/be Quick, My Love.
Is it that we Fear the Pain of death... or could it be we Fear the Joy of Life??
14 Mar 2003 Anti-Climaxicus What is with all the... marvelously insightless email messages from David Still?? Being in possession of so magically vague a sense of dialect; such an exhalted degree of insensibility... Surely He basks within some rare strain of mutant-contemporal evolution of Mind, which we "common discontents" dare only Dream about.
David Still should certainly be revered! ~And so He shall... My very own personal Disjecta Membrae Still-Life Dia!!
Some people say he has a death wish
trouble is he is Dying to agree
Let's not ask too many questions
it has nothing to do with you or me
He remembers a time where even going home was sweet... Now he can't feel the ground under his feet
Inside the dresser by the window
Something he hides beside the bed
Living in oblivion can't be easy
some things are better left unsaid
He remembers a time before the Vacance got so deep... Where he found far more safe to Sleep.
Hormonally Yours,
14 Mar 2003 Roger The best way is definitely cutting your underdeveloped penis off, and then slitting your own throat until you die. *HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!
14 Mar 2003 Marius Mackellar PAPIER TUE-MOUCHE$
Exordiumatically, deponent precateth otity orient exaudient,
dole basilical's assumpt.
Pragmatics, ex Ventro Genesiaco ad umbilicum Apocalypticum,
determinated logomachoepy's nodal puncts,
genethliacally benedict,
Ergmoiraetic, apert parthenorhododactylical,
colophoned Thanatoskiankomorphic!!

To tear my youth with desperate knives,
to wear this paltry soul's demise
What few upon this plain dare see;
the Inhumane in Humanity
Such silence here my Sadness feeds
upon the needs of an Artless breed.
13 Mar 2003 blitz.. i want to kill myself... badly... i don't exist to anyone, and to myself, i don't exist...
13 Mar 2003 liss how many aspirins do u need 2 take 2 REALLY kill urself? my estimation is about 50, can anyone back me up? and is it best 2 take them on an empty stomach? I've tried slitting my wrists many times but i can never make it work quite right :( Please help me out!
13 Mar 2003 Danny Keaton Lucy, Madame, you are going the right way about getting a smacked bottom, and you well know it. Mission control will not tolerate anymore panty twitching - you've had your fun.
If your latest naked-vicar-UK mission does not end successfully, you will be stringed up from the streets of Rome by your bra, be sure of that.

Daniel Keaton of Super Secret Spy Sex.
13 Mar 2003 Lucy Cortina Danny,
the stuffed olive suit no longer exists. Oil breaks down the rubber, like condoms, everyone knows that. Tell mission control that I want a pay rise and extended leave immediately! I've been stuck in this rotten suicidal dump for long enough!
Oh, and a new bra wouldn't go amiss...

Lucy Cortina, Agent 00 oh oh! of the SSSS.
13 Mar 2003 Siobhan Fahey Of all the varieties of deception, self-deception is the most pervasive and the most difficult to recognize... Especially when we are within the thrall of some doctrine which is obviously "humane."
13 Mar 2003 Vanessa Stab yourself to death with your little sister's barbies
13 Mar 2003 Alan Look, dont do it. Get angry. Every single human being, no matter what their status.. when you get angry you can change things. That doesn't mean you have to go kill some innocent people, it means you have to get fired up, to not hide away, to get out, get pissed off and tell people exactly how you want things to change.

Rob a bank, steal cars, rip-off hotels, stow away on ships, become an illegal alien in a different country, find a partner... do anything but end your life, you won't get another... shit, people! It changes, it gets better, it's not all bad.

Even if nobody loves you, fuck 'em, you don't need people to love you. No one has ever loved me in my life, I've just been shit on, used, ignored, laughed at, but I don't care anymore. I'm doing my own thing, turning things around... trying things I never thought I could try. Like motocross. I was nearly 20 stones heavy at one point, now i'm just over 14 and riding motorbikes is an amazing thing for me. I get to do lots of things now, I still have next to no money, but I'm working on that as well.

You don't need other people to feel sorry for you. If someone you loved has left you, why feel sorry for them? A guy I knew, so in love with his girlfriend that when she left him he killed himself. Her response? Well, no remorse, she was more concerned with how much she could get for his mobile phone and belongings! A man, a human being with a mother and father, dead... took his life in a final act of love and she JUST DIDN'T CARE. So what was the point? Maybe now, a year later, he would be over it, met someone else and be living a LIFE his mother gave him. Not buried somewhere and forgotten about while she shags around.

I came close to suicide, contemplated life, how crazy this fuckin world is, how people always have a knack of bringing you down, being arrogant. Then I realised, that *is* life, it's a game and I LOVE games. So now I play the game and it's FUCKING FUN! If I ever get really down I will just rob a bank and go crazy (not hurt anyone because now I value other people's right to life whoever they are). But man, if I was going to go out, I would do it in style and not just roll over like a wimp.

Sometimes we all want a bit of attention, a cuddle, love, friends... and they are all out there no matter who you are, black white gay str8. My body... it's a wreck, I have stretch marks all over and I dare not be naked around people- it probably means I will never in this life be in a relationship with another person. Ok, that's bad, I kinda hoped I would be in love and live happily ever after... but I'm over that. I can work on close relationships with other people, enjoy my life through them and their families. If I get success I will help kids and people like myself in any way I can. Love, it comes in many different forms you know- for me, I wanted to die because I needed love, I found someone who i thought loved me and I let myself go for them emotionally, but it didn't work :o(

I'm a big boy now, I'm so glad I didn't end it. Please don't you do it, if I said to you that I would do anything to help you bring your life around would you believe me? Because I would, every life is sooo damn precious, can't you see?

Please don't do it :o( And I'm not some do-gooder tree hugging fucker, I'm quite the arsehole actually heheheh, but deep down I guess I am soft, I just wish everything would work out for everyone and I'm sure it could for you too. E-Mail me if you want to try me for size, I'll do what I can... I really appreciate life now.

One guy once told me when I was a teen- life is about experiences, and it really is, both good and bad. Once you realise that you can take either as they come.

Good luck, I know it's shit sometimes listening to people like me rant about positive views when you just are soo pissed off with the tedious bullshit this world dishes out. And believe me, it's is a fuckin headache- but that's other peoples jobs to sort out, politicians, mayors, councillors. Our job is to have a bit of fun and let the rest of it go to shit. Hey ...if we end up getting vaporized in a nuke, well... life's a bitch, not many people can say they got nuked... stick that in your pipe n schmoke it fuckers!

13 Mar 2003 Dana I'm trying to kill myself and I would like some suggestions I've tried overdosing on pills and that didn't work so if someone can give me an idea that involves pills please let me know.
I don't have access to a gun and the thought of body parts all over the place scares me. so any ideas?
12 Mar 2003 Felicia "Political Fries"

There I was at a burger joint, eating a vegetarian burger. I told the counter lady, "May I have a side of french fries with that?" She said, "What fries?" and I again said "French fries!" The clerk said, "We don't serve french fries anymore. Would you like to buy a bag of chips instead?" I said, "Alright." After ringing up my order on the register, the clerk gave me my receipt and I went my merry way to the table. Opening the bag and grabbing the first chip, I found that it was very stale. Later, I nibbled on my vegetarian burger and later took a sniff of the air. Suddently, a loud frying sound permeated my ears at a sound, whatever the decible it was, I can hear it. It was the sound of french fries being fried. I saw a young couple ordering burgers with a side of french fries. Infuriated and mad, I got up to the counter and asked the clerk again, "I thought you were not serving french fries?!!' "We are not", the clerk said with an irritating voice. I said, "Listen, I see that couple with a side of fries with their burgers." The clerk said, "Oh! You want fries with your burger! Why didn't you tell me?" In bite back mode I said, "Lady, all my life they always called those fried potatoe thingies 'french fries'." Do you understand?" The clerk said, "Maam, we don't call those french fries, we call them 'Freedom Fries'. That was the end of it. I ran out of Cubbie's restauraunt all mad. It was bad enough that the U.S. wants to take the French out of the fries, and I keep wondering why I voted for President Bush. I thought he would change it to where the Europeans and the U.S. citizens would collaborate and now it seems the French will be left out of it. Gawd forbid!
The next day I went to McDonalds to order a cheeseburger. The McDonalds clerk politely said, "Would you like a side of french fries with that?"

It's not the end yet. Armageddon begins.
12 Mar 2003 Danny Keaton RE: Lucy Cortina's "stuffed-olive" party escapade-

Lucy Cortina,
The stuffed olive suit was made for purposes of super sexy secret spy missions, not one of your fancy man filled cocktail parties. Mission control wants a word with you once you've sobered up.

Daniel Keaton of SSSS.

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