Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

Nom/email
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
13 Mar 2003 Danny Keaton Lucy, Madame, you are going the right way about getting a smacked bottom, and you well know it. Mission control will not tolerate anymore panty twitching - you've had your fun.
If your latest naked-vicar-UK mission does not end successfully, you will be stringed up from the streets of Rome by your bra, be sure of that.

Daniel Keaton of Super Secret Spy Sex.
13 Mar 2003 Lucy Cortina Danny,
the stuffed olive suit no longer exists. Oil breaks down the rubber, like condoms, everyone knows that. Tell mission control that I want a pay rise and extended leave immediately! I've been stuck in this rotten suicidal dump for long enough!
Oh, and a new bra wouldn't go amiss...

Lucy Cortina, Agent 00 oh oh! of the SSSS.
13 Mar 2003 Siobhan Fahey Of all the varieties of deception, self-deception is the most pervasive and the most difficult to recognize... Especially when we are within the thrall of some doctrine which is obviously "humane."
13 Mar 2003 Vanessa Stab yourself to death with your little sister's barbies
13 Mar 2003 Alan Look, dont do it. Get angry. Every single human being, no matter what their status.. when you get angry you can change things. That doesn't mean you have to go kill some innocent people, it means you have to get fired up, to not hide away, to get out, get pissed off and tell people exactly how you want things to change.

Rob a bank, steal cars, rip-off hotels, stow away on ships, become an illegal alien in a different country, find a partner... do anything but end your life, you won't get another... shit, people! It changes, it gets better, it's not all bad.

Even if nobody loves you, fuck 'em, you don't need people to love you. No one has ever loved me in my life, I've just been shit on, used, ignored, laughed at, but I don't care anymore. I'm doing my own thing, turning things around... trying things I never thought I could try. Like motocross. I was nearly 20 stones heavy at one point, now i'm just over 14 and riding motorbikes is an amazing thing for me. I get to do lots of things now, I still have next to no money, but I'm working on that as well.

You don't need other people to feel sorry for you. If someone you loved has left you, why feel sorry for them? A guy I knew, so in love with his girlfriend that when she left him he killed himself. Her response? Well, no remorse, she was more concerned with how much she could get for his mobile phone and belongings! A man, a human being with a mother and father, dead... took his life in a final act of love and she JUST DIDN'T CARE. So what was the point? Maybe now, a year later, he would be over it, met someone else and be living a LIFE his mother gave him. Not buried somewhere and forgotten about while she shags around.

I came close to suicide, contemplated life, how crazy this fuckin world is, how people always have a knack of bringing you down, being arrogant. Then I realised, that *is* life, it's a game and I LOVE games. So now I play the game and it's FUCKING FUN! If I ever get really down I will just rob a bank and go crazy (not hurt anyone because now I value other people's right to life whoever they are). But man, if I was going to go out, I would do it in style and not just roll over like a wimp.

Sometimes we all want a bit of attention, a cuddle, love, friends... and they are all out there no matter who you are, black white gay str8. My body... it's a wreck, I have stretch marks all over and I dare not be naked around people- it probably means I will never in this life be in a relationship with another person. Ok, that's bad, I kinda hoped I would be in love and live happily ever after... but I'm over that. I can work on close relationships with other people, enjoy my life through them and their families. If I get success I will help kids and people like myself in any way I can. Love, it comes in many different forms you know- for me, I wanted to die because I needed love, I found someone who i thought loved me and I let myself go for them emotionally, but it didn't work :o(

I'm a big boy now, I'm so glad I didn't end it. Please don't you do it, if I said to you that I would do anything to help you bring your life around would you believe me? Because I would, every life is sooo damn precious, can't you see?

Please don't do it :o( And I'm not some do-gooder tree hugging fucker, I'm quite the arsehole actually heheheh, but deep down I guess I am soft, I just wish everything would work out for everyone and I'm sure it could for you too. E-Mail me if you want to try me for size, I'll do what I can... I really appreciate life now.

One guy once told me when I was a teen- life is about experiences, and it really is, both good and bad. Once you realise that you can take either as they come.

Good luck, I know it's shit sometimes listening to people like me rant about positive views when you just are soo pissed off with the tedious bullshit this world dishes out. And believe me, it's is a fuckin headache- but that's other peoples jobs to sort out, politicians, mayors, councillors. Our job is to have a bit of fun and let the rest of it go to shit. Hey ...if we end up getting vaporized in a nuke, well... life's a bitch, not many people can say they got nuked... stick that in your pipe n schmoke it fuckers!

Byeee,
Al
13 Mar 2003 Dana I'm trying to kill myself and I would like some suggestions I've tried overdosing on pills and that didn't work so if someone can give me an idea that involves pills please let me know.
I don't have access to a gun and the thought of body parts all over the place scares me. so any ideas?
12 Mar 2003 Felicia "Political Fries"

There I was at a burger joint, eating a vegetarian burger. I told the counter lady, "May I have a side of french fries with that?" She said, "What fries?" and I again said "French fries!" The clerk said, "We don't serve french fries anymore. Would you like to buy a bag of chips instead?" I said, "Alright." After ringing up my order on the register, the clerk gave me my receipt and I went my merry way to the table. Opening the bag and grabbing the first chip, I found that it was very stale. Later, I nibbled on my vegetarian burger and later took a sniff of the air. Suddently, a loud frying sound permeated my ears at a sound, whatever the decible it was, I can hear it. It was the sound of french fries being fried. I saw a young couple ordering burgers with a side of french fries. Infuriated and mad, I got up to the counter and asked the clerk again, "I thought you were not serving french fries?!!' "We are not", the clerk said with an irritating voice. I said, "Listen, I see that couple with a side of fries with their burgers." The clerk said, "Oh! You want fries with your burger! Why didn't you tell me?" In bite back mode I said, "Lady, all my life they always called those fried potatoe thingies 'french fries'." Do you understand?" The clerk said, "Maam, we don't call those french fries, we call them 'Freedom Fries'. That was the end of it. I ran out of Cubbie's restauraunt all mad. It was bad enough that the U.S. wants to take the French out of the fries, and I keep wondering why I voted for President Bush. I thought he would change it to where the Europeans and the U.S. citizens would collaborate and now it seems the French will be left out of it. Gawd forbid!
The next day I went to McDonalds to order a cheeseburger. The McDonalds clerk politely said, "Would you like a side of french fries with that?"

It's not the end yet. Armageddon begins.
12 Mar 2003 Danny Keaton RE: Lucy Cortina's "stuffed-olive" party escapade-

Lucy Cortina,
The stuffed olive suit was made for purposes of super sexy secret spy missions, not one of your fancy man filled cocktail parties. Mission control wants a word with you once you've sobered up.

Daniel Keaton of SSSS.
12 Mar 2003 Ignatius Mackellar i'm not precisely certain about this, but i'm still willing to feel that i may have seen Ntozake Shange at the local low-Art depository yesterday. Needless to say, i didn't say a word to her... though i did manage to wave from a corner of my mind. But, as of course, She wasn't looking at Time. "Towards a Unified Reality" may become the title for my first published work of fiction. Having already discovered 4 publishers who have quite politely critiqued my writing as being enormously infantile, the once questioned faith in my writing ability has been renewed. Perhaps the insistence on hand writing the first edition, then having photocopies of each page bound together and set for retail without the slightest frill... Perhaps this is a very insipid insistence. Within addition to that insipidity, i've demanded that my first work of non-fiction, "Towards a Unified Surreality", be simultaneously published.
Tristan Tzara is the person i really need to get in touch with. He could surely make light of the reason behind all this... recession. Marcella Detroit is a Goddess!!
12 Mar 2003 MeGz This site is sad, why would you want to post up something that a young mind is gonna read and get ideas from? Like seriously if a 13 year old kid reads some of these responses its gonna show him/her that this world is truly fucked up and encourage them to kill themselves.
12 Mar 2003 dave hang yourself
11 Mar 2003 Felicia People will think you're insane when you reveal too much information. You know, the ole' (TMI) appoach. It makes one realize that if words were chosen wisely, then people will like you. In a cut throat world such as this it makes you wonder what purpose do you have here? Is it to wallow in misery to get by through the day or are you living a life just to exist? I see people in television have so much to do. Check out the Babes at Baywatch, and the only thing you see mainly is just "tits" and "ass". You see teenagers girls swiping cellphones, wearing scantily Britney Spears clothing with friends, young boys dress up in grunge, with baggy clothing, while observing adults peering down through grocery aisles with this ear piece stuck in their ear just to look cool and chatting about nothing in particular to waste their air time minutes.Then you're on the road on a workday morning and have to wait for the lane to clear as soon as the meter lights change from red to green, green to red, in a span of 6 seconds. And you see people on cell phones driving, while not paying attention to the road. Then the workday starts when you begin a presentation project and manage a whole bunch of water cooler loafers sticking around the coffee break room, talking about "American Idol" and what's up with Howard Stern. Then you advise these people to get back to their units to begin their projects, getting dirty stares, and you wonder sometimes why we are having a downturn of the economy. It's lazy workers I bet? Using company resources by taking office supplies, having expensive office parties for no reason, and coffee bags coming from the friendly neighbourhood Starbucks. At the end of the workday, you drive home and find that your car is running low on gas, and the only option is to run on fumes. Then you find that the nearest gas station and see that the gas rates are $2.19 to almost $3.00 per gallon for regular. In Europle, gosh... I can just imagine! Then you wonder why some people would like to kill themselves because they can't handle the world. It's when you have too much time, or too little in their hands and wonder when depression kicks in. Kids, living with parents is never easy. Living with siblings is never easy either. Then you see "The Osbornes" and see their rich and spoiled pets and children, and go to "Special Features" on their dvd then play a game of "Doggie Dookie". Heaven forbid. That's it! Don't kill yourself because you have way too much or too little time on your hands. If people don't like you and don't agree, why do it to satisfy them? The only way that you can survive in this world is to do things on your own and not depending on others to take care of things for you. As for me, I am beginning today by just shutting off the television set and putting the daily news in the recycle bin. Two things that I did to contribute to this world. Shut off the electricity, work on a battery operated laptop, and recycling. There I just saved the planet. Don't have a hole for a burial plot, because it cost way too much money for the people you care about. And don't worry about me, I am on lunch break and it is now 12:38pm Eastern Standard time. Using my own laptop, my own batteries, and my own portable dsl telephone line.
11 Mar 2003 Michael Mackellar MY PULSAR ~WOW!!
i read about Pulsars this morning (also referred to as spinning, magnetic-neutron stars). My birthstar may be one of these instead of the Blackhole i felt it must have been when i was little. Did you know the magnetic field of My Pulsar is about 100 billion times as strong as the magnetic field of the Earth??
Actually, i'm exaggerating a bit. It is only 1 billion times as strong. Most pulsars spin once every second or so; the slowest has a period of about 4 seconds, but the fastest yet discovered (which happens to be mine) spins on its axis more than 600 million times a second. Actually, i've just caught myself exaggerating again. It is only 600 times a second, but we're working on making it more impressive.
Imagine a ball of stuff the size of Lucy Cortina's left... Novelty, yet containing as much mass as our Sun, spinning once every 1.6 milliseconds and there you'll have some idea just what My Pulsar is like... ...Once again i've managed to exaggerate the facts and for that you have my apologies. You would only have to imagine a ball of stuff the size of Mt Everest... nothing so immeasurably gigantic as the aforementioned... Novelty.
By the bye, Roger Blandford, of Caltech, has estimated that there may be more than 100 million isolated blackholes across our Milky Way galaxy... and that the nearest one may indeed be much further away than we'd all like to hope it could be.
11 Mar 2003 Naomi Why does the fact that you're under thirteen have anything to do with it? A forty year old can slit their throat just as well as a twelve year old can, and even more, a twelve year old might be able to jump in front of a train faster than an old person. And really, if you truly wanted to die, you'd be dead by now. If you really really desperately wanted a glass of water, you'd go downstairs and pour yourself some, you wouldn't sit in your room like a moron trying to decide. You mean convenient for people under thirteen? Well you've got your window and the ground below, your car in your garage, kitchen knives downstairs, a hammer in the tool shed, removable razor blades in the bathroom, medicines in the cabinet, the curtains on your window (to tie around your neck), the cars in the street outside, the train, and... well I'm sure there's more but that seems like enough. So if you really want to kill yourself I doubt you're reading this now. However, if you just think you want to die, you probably just want people to love you more. So go ahead, try to kill yourself - you won't succeed if you truly don't want to but it will attract the attention of your family and friends and although it may fuck up the rest of your life and cause people to watch over you and care for you constantly, that may be exactly what you want. Good luck either way.
11 Mar 2003 Fucked uP bel I want to die. Tonight. I have already tried the OD thing nothing really happened... i want something better.. somethint to say FUCK YOU to the world. Good bye everyone.... tonight is the night.... i hope you all find your way.... see you in hell
11 Mar 2003 Kate Trust me on this... trying to overdose on pills or anything else is probably one of the most painful ways you could possibly die. I've tried it before and if you're looking for a painless way out that is not the way to go... I'm just posting this because I don't want anyone to have to suffer. Contact me if you'd ever like to chat or anything...
10 Mar 2003 Thom Yorke _PLAYDEAD_ ~Help is on its way/i'm lost in space/no protection
Please/come and rescue me/i've got no friends/i'm an orphan...
who only has Faith to betray.
One Kiss from Krisha could blow me away??
10 Mar 2003 Michael Mackellar+Tori Amos Forever!!! Has anyone ever heard a song called
~HOME~
by Sheryl Crow???
10 Mar 2003 Jack Waters Brain death by cell phone waves
10 Mar 2003 Michael Mackellar AND SO...
i AM NOT THE ONE
WHO IS TO BECOME
LORD OF MY OWN LIFE.
BUT MERELY A FRAIL THREAD
TO BE SPUN UPON THE CALICO
OF HISTORY.
SO, i AM JUST ANOTHER
RUN-OF-THE-FOCKING-MILL
ENGOD.
WELL...
THANK HEAVENS
i CAN CUT
A
THREAD.
No. Please don't fret. i'm well aware that Selbstmord at this pointless point would only prove to be an act of redundance... It is obvious to me that i've been quite perfectly dead since the atrocity of my own conception took place.

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