|Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.|
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?
Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
|21 Jun 2003||leanne||ok, i see a pattern emerging ere... funny thing bout us suicidal-selves... we seem 2 present pretty much the same make-up... ED's. and since u ppl, i.e just a girl, mollie and various others, generously provided us with an insight of their ed's... i may as well subject 2 u all, my battle wiv self loathing. i used 2 exercise excessively, trying 2 rid of my non-exisistent curves (@12)!! As a result of that, i neva had the 'pleasure' of developing a woman's body (hopefully neva will). as teen yrs arrived, as did the lazyness, i stopped sweating my ass off and has eva since been fighting a losing battle of anorexia & bulimia. i am a 16yr old trying 2 remain a child, neva wanting 2 accept adulthood. u c, 2 me... 2 eat is associated with happiness & the ability 2 take on responsibility of living a normal life. when i feel i dont deserve the rite 2 enjoy my life &ultimately food.. i deprive my tastebuds 4 a short while until an overwhelming sense of defeat consumes me and i indulge in my failures, my weaknesses and my lack of control by consuming the entire contents of my kitchen. and 4 it 2 remain undetected on my body, i fucking well make sure i rid of my oh-so-disgusting, shameful sins by shoving my fingers down my throat and purging.. this followed by packets of laxatives.. lovely. afterall, to enjoy food and leave it b in ur stomach is 2 enjoy life. i 4 1 have not earned the rite 2 do so. the next 2 weeks r spent keeping my mouth shut, staying in my room, waiting 4 my stomach 2 b flat enuff 2 re-enter the public eye. i can't tell u the shape of my body, as my mind lies and deceives me everyday. ur rite though just a girl... 2 distract the attention i watch a soap, put on a movie, anything 2 distract myself from... myself and my self-mutilating thoughts. my life lacks a balanced mind, i go from 1 xtreme 2 the next, from being an enormous whale 1 day 2 being a matchstick the next. and yet i still choose 2 commit myself 2 wot is seeming 2 b a life-long habit, though fully aware of the damage im doin 2 myself. i guess somehow my depression is linked 2 this. my friends & family remain oblivious of my ed. they haven't even recognised any signs. either that or they choose not 2 deal wiv it.. oh no..they leave that up 2 the expert: moi! how is it wiv all these voices in my head screaming wild things, i still feel so alone??that is until i log on 2 this site. wil i eva recover from my self hatred & eva step off the rollercoaster of self-loathing that seems 2 go round&round??? who knows? anyway.. thanx 4 being bothered 2 read this shit. gotta love u and leave u.. got sum sins 2 rid my body of.. im off 2 the bathroom.. just enjoyed an undeserved piece of toast.|
|20 Jun 2003||just a girl||oh and molli... its bulimia and anorexia.. i know this.. i have anorexia.. if you are still struggling with these ed's.. you could join the other forum i write into.. lots and lots of chiks with ed's all there giving each other support etc.. its really good :) let me know..|
|20 Jun 2003||just a girl - in therapy mode||oh dear.. now i really dont know what to do..
so so much saddness and im just so lost for words..
leanne, that touches me that you find my pathetic-excuse-for-a-life stories a reason to stay alive.. but you have no idea how much pressure that puts on me.. im scared of my own mind and what i do to myself, let alone having someone else's life in my hands.. i will be here.. and always up for words and listening to yours.. but please please you must find other reasons to stay alive.. there are many out there, no matter how bad things get.. and they can be as simple as waiting to find out what happens next on "the bold and the oh so beautiful" episodes.. (believe me, simple reasons pass time.. and as time passes, you get closer to the day things might be better, and the day your life might start again) but if my stories die down.. please dont let yourself die down too :)
molli.. your story was very sad.. indeed as it sounds you have had a very hard hard life.. as have most people.. but as you said your only 14, and perhaps you have had all the bad your eva gonna get in your life already.. and the rest of your years could be all the happy ones you deserve.. keep going.. please :)
ay! naomi! good to see your still up and fighting (to die that is!) but still good to see ya round... hmm i must agree with the first comment u eva made to me.. yes indeed.. u are much much crazier than me!!!! and you must be bloody tired!
oh will! help me out here! all these people! all this help needed! i cant do it alone! i need help myself! what to do.. oh what to do.. well enough counselling for one night.. time for a bath..
a little tomato soup too perhaps :)
|20 Jun 2003||molli||okay this is the third one I have written in one nigth and I don't care bout that but ya I have said alot tonigth and everything is unorganized...
but ya where to begin how about age 5..
at age 5 I had a best friend and her and I would play all the time. well one day she was playing a game that we both knwo how to play, it was where u tied a rope to the top of a slide and then to your waist. well on friday when we were riding the bus my friend (Kelly) decided to tell my not to tie the rope to loose because when u slip u could die. well that weekend we were both playing outside but she was at her house and I was at mine when an ambulance came down the roade and kelly was in it, she had died... she slipped, her rope was too loose and she hung herself. most say it was an accident but I never heard her scream or anything and how would she know that a rope to loose would kill u, I think she killed herself and she was 6 years old.... after that I was traumatized and it was what caused and triggered my deep depression.... I spent year in counselling after that .... in between the ages 6-8 I had half of my family die and also my mom lost everything. she became sick and she also lost both her parents in a matter of 2 years and also had a baby on the way (my sister which we adopted her name is alexis) she lost it and stopped being the mom when my sister came we lost track of who played the role of mom, me or her..... if that was not bad enough at age 8 I was also raped by another girl... all of this only made my depression worse. I was so little and scared and I never told my counsellers so they never knew. by 9 I started drinking and also started cutting my wrist and arms at and I became an addict to both.... with this I had earned an eating disorder I became blemic (sorry can't spell this things too well) and anerexic... plus I was trying to raise my sister because my mom was too stressed and sick.... my dad was always working since my mom didn't work he had to support the family... So now I am living with guilt 2 addictions, 2 eating disorders, damage from a rape, I am trying to raise a kid and also trying to find parents besides going to school and I am only 9 at this time!
By the age of 10 I gave up I was done with and I didn't want to live any more so for the next three years I was going to try to kill myself. during this time my mom had another kid and it was my brother his name is joshua, he is now the second child I have to raise. Life was rough and now at the age of 14 and living throught that hell everyday for 5 years I am finally getting help and finding my way out but this will take years and so that is my life story though I am still thinking about suicide sometimes and cutting and drinking and I still have a few eating problems and I still send out my cry for help along with trying to answer others cries too.... I hope u listened and learned and yes I am only 14
|20 Jun 2003||molli||once again sorry for all that shit I am just so scared my life just keeps getting fucked up and shit and no one knows the secrets of my life I don't know if I will keep living because of all the damage I have done to my body already I mean I keep fainting and stuff and my parents don't believe me any more when I say I think I migth be really sick and that first nigth on here I was upset scared and the last thing I wanted was to find a site with blood dripping down it and a site that asked me the question of what is the best way to suicide and that nigth I wanted to cut cut cut and cut some more so bad but I couldn't and after all of this I am still shaking and crying and I wish some one would understand me love me hold me and believe me. why do I have to be so alone?
listen to me these are my cries for help!!!! please some one :'(
|20 Jun 2003||Molli||sorry, first time I sent something I probably sounded like bitch, but I have seen so many ppl try to kill themselves and my best friend did when she was five and I also tried to commit suicide more then once... I do not know which way is the best but I know the last couple of ppl I have known have hung themselves and others have tried pills but that is a slow death and well u fall asleep right before u think u r going to die but most of the time u end u in a hospital looking at yur mom or dad..... so don't do that unless u want a chance of still maybe living and get that second chance to live but please suicide is a very touchy thing and lots of ppl do it.. it hurts many ppl and if not taken seriously or with care can be dangerous to a lot of ppl and not just u so I just hope everyone understands how serious this is.....|
|20 Jun 2003||will||awww, just a girl. i would love you in the real world. i may be gay, but that doesn't stop me loving people. what i do miss is being hugged. haven't been hugged for a long time. i believe lucy's computer is having probs! ummm, better be off...........|
|20 Jun 2003||naomi mikamura (note to just a girl...everything i say is now di||dear ...uuhhh ...ill get back to u on that one...
anyway... i did my... 8th suicide attempt about 13 days ago... and do u wanna know a secret...? IT FAILED!!!... AGAIN!!!!! i mean what am i? oblivious to fucking physical damage or something...?! ... ~deep breath~ ... "1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9......... why the fucking hell cant i die?!?!?! ...~another deep breath~... (to avoid losing my temper... actually... it should me my head that is lost...)
---MY SUICIDE ATTEMPTS...A~H~E~M---
1. i slit my wrists...
pain level: 4
2. i drunk so toxic liquid...
pain level: blacked out
3. i stabbed myself along the torso...
4. (u aint gonna believe dis one... but i was desperate) i shoved a knife up my ass...
5. (i got this one from this site #21) i induced vomiting which lasted about 18 minutes... (at the 11 minute point my i started vomiting blood...) then i blacked out... and indeed went into a coma which lasted at least 23 days or so... when i woke up i immediatly looked around and said "..... what the hell... ACK! aww... im still breathing... i was sure that would work..."
6. i went to this ski resort and pretended to go snow boarding... then i purposely got COMPLETLY lost (at this point... i knew there was no turning back...) it was cold... very cold... perfect... i got COMPLETELY naked and laid down in the snow... cold... so very cold... i started getting tired... so i said hey... mabye ill wake up in hell... then blacked out... i dont remember much after that.. .but they found me... unfortunatly...
pain level: 44 "OUCH!"
7. (i dont know what came over me...but i got naked for this one...) i got naked and took a skinny yet sharp knife whose blade was about 3.5 inches long... and shoved about 3 inches of that up my belly button... and yeah... there was alot of blood...
and last but not least 8. i simply beat myself up untill i bleed from my nose, mouth, and vagina (dont ask me how that happened...?)
....and well those are my 8 attempts... my question is why am i here typing this...? i should be dead!!! damnit... anyway i just wanted to... now i remember who this was too!!! its to "just a girl" and this "lucy"!!!!!!!! wish me luck on my attempts ok?
6 Jun 2003 Emily People don't understand that this isn't something people can just get rid of. It takes a lot of will power just to talk to someone. I'm glad this site is up- it helps people vent and listen. It's delayed my plans by at least a few days. Thank you Mouchette.
|20 Jun 2003||Emily||You know what always makes me feel better, no matter how bad I feel?
It's a Godsend.
|19 Jun 2003||Short and sweet||become an arsonist|
|19 Jun 2003||gisselle||well i am 17 years old liked by many but i dont like myself i mean most people would never think that i would "commit suicide" because i dont get made fun of and i have a lot of friends but i dont like my life i dont like things i've done i've hurt my parents in soooo many ways and i am sooo depressed i just found out i am repeating the 9th grade for the 3rd time!! i wanna drop out sooo bad but i know if i do my parents will be sooo sad and i dont wanna make them feel hurt anymore besides i wanna finish high school i wanna go to collage but i feel like im not going any where im supposed to be a senior this year so i mean whats the point of living i dont know what to do can some help|
|19 Jun 2003||Angela||I've never actually tried to kill myself but i think about it a lot. I think the best way to kill yourself is just to be in a giant hotel building 15 stories or higher and to just jump. You feel really free and before u hit the ground you pass out. It's easy and painless. I know you must be thinking how does she know that if she's never tried it? My friend commited suicide and this is exactly what happened to her she told me she was going to and i didn't stop her she was right.|
|19 Jun 2003||leanne||hey just a girl, the only reason i'd postpone my suicide date is to check out ur daily contribution. despite the fact i cannot see the light @ the end of the tunnel and i cant see the greener grass on the other side, ur wording ways transport me in2 another dimension...1 wiv familiarization... 1 possesing complete sense. keep me alive.|
|19 Jun 2003||just a girl||hmmm it seems i have 'fans' here mouchette?
if only i could get people to love me in my real world, then maybe, just maybe..
things would be okay. and id know what it felt like to smile again....
|19 Jun 2003||Nollie||hmmmmmm i just stumbled across this thing lookin for the best way to do it... umm well so far obviously, i have been unsucessful as well. but i find that the best way to get it out of your system is to do something stupid. like, get on a skateboard go try somethin u would never try, sOMETHIn that u know will have that risk of doing damage. it's the best way. and half the time u don't even hurt yourself. cutting yourself is a good way, but make sure u know how sharp the knife is . i was used to doing it with one knife, and moved onto a butcher knife, and it sliced through and snapped one of them little bones on your wrist. bled all over the keyboard too haha. that was the best one. didn't die but so, i really couldn't imagine how hard u have to cut yourself, but i guess just aim for the vein. but i like the skateboarding idea. so give it a go. and yeh catch|
|19 Jun 2003||Kyle||AHHH...... all I know is I really hate living this life!!.... my life was pretty good until i was in the 6th grade... I finally came back to reality... and i woke up to a depression... i want to die so bad... but whenever somebody finds out they just start crying about how much they care about me and shit... well if they care about me so much how come they can't act like they do around me??... How come they didn't start to care until they realized i wanted to die?..... what's wrong with people... my friends ditch me for this stupid guy... who all he wants to do is get in bed with them... i really just wanna OD..... so please just tell me how much advil or ibeprofen i would have to take to die!!...|
|19 Jun 2003||leanne||how bout combining the lot 2getha... overdosing, slitting of the wrists and hanging urself. that'll teach em 4 bein so blind 2 ur suffering.|
|19 Jun 2003||naomi mikamura||...lalala... hey just a girl... just wanted to tell u and everyone else im still alive... unfortunatly...|
|19 Jun 2003||cello||hey all. i was reading all the posts here, and I wondered if I should give my input about my life. Well, for starters I'm 15 and live a fucked up life. My parents are always criticizing me, yelling at me. My friends make fun of me all the time. I'm ridiculed. I'm denied freedom. I couldn't go to my first sleepover until I was 13! I can't go anywhere, and when I do go somewhere I'm always getting chased down where I am. I don't have any freedom at all.. my parents piss me off. I need to find an easy way out of this, but overdosing and using a gun and stuff all scare the mess out of me. I was looking for something painless.. and if it has to be painful.. something quick.. that I will ony feel for a second or two. I've always dreamed of finding a vile like Romeo did when he killed himself. It seemed so easy when he died..|
|18 Jun 2003||Felicia On LIFE||I soon discovered at age 13, life would begin at 18. At 18, after losing my virginity, I actually thought life in blissful matrimony would happen until I was 25. Ten years later I grew older and had a mind of my own, never married, never had any children, and went out with guys who decided to remain at the maturity level of13 years or younger who have no clue in reading books on better relationships and sex tips Though one can sure ace as fellow mastermind on Dungeons and Dragons, pretend in being some secret agent of a Matrix or governmental conspiracy, remain planted behind the boob tube, conquer video games, drool at porno flicks, guzzle down several bottles of Budweiser and reefers all in one shot
all in the presence of being taken cared of by a significant other, or their mommy. Oh yeah, dating a computer freak who downloads on newest movies never yet seen on film with a barely naked eye, only to be watched rather than waste matinee or evening price. You finally meet the right one and think the world of them, knowing that they are married. You thought they would be wonderful in bed, yet find that they are lousy, when they think that the second round is too soon, and actually found that foreplay was more on your court and you were the teaser. Then you reminisce on the 26 year old homeboy that kept pumping you till you were tired even trying, when you keep wondering where they get all that energy from, and the previous homebody before that who was only out for your buckaroos. Alas, you break it off for no apparent reason because you were starting to feel like an A-holes Nancy. Not to forget, the time you almost got busted with your pants down, smoking reefers with a guy nine years younger than you, and having your bum exposed to California Highway Patrol. Then you have a cavity search and the Johns look at your teeth thinking you are a crack addict, only finding out that you have calcium deficiency and you feel like a blithering idiot. A young cop folds his hands and rolls his eyes up his head stating, "Oh please! Stop your drama!" Then he looks at your chest. Then you get proposed to by a guy you feel most comfortable but not so in love with and you think about the married guy when you are doing the horizontal polka. Then you keep wondering about how the Osbornes can have their daughter sing a re-hash of Madonnas Papa dont Preach.
And you contemplate committing suicide?
GAWD!!! I survived. If I can survive through all this shinola... then so can you.