|Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.|
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?
Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
|08 Jul 2003||in need of a way out||i just dont know what to do, i screwed my own life up so bad. im sick of hearing other people whine about how they life sucks and its not their fault cause they can do something about it. me, i personally did screw up my own life. i had the best girlfriend, she was amazing, beautiful smart and was to commited to me, you wouldnt believe. after her mom told her she couldnt see me anymore cause she was afraid she was becoming too obsessed with me, she tried to kill herself with an overdose. she almost succeded but i found her in a park she lived nearby. i told her that id always be with her no matter what and that ill always love her. she forced some of the pills up via forcing a vomit. she still had to go to the hospital and ate charcoal for me. that was so scary but i knew that i had someone for the rest of my life. then a few months later i proposed to her. she said yes of course cause she had been asking me for some time when i was gonna propose. i just knew life would be good. then in a few months school started. we ended up going to different schools but still had the same relashionship. these girls that used to be her friends would come up to me and talk to me. i would talk back a little but not much at all. them when i talked online to them i had one of them on my buddy list. then when one of my old friends that was a girl was leaving to go live across country, i was going to have a little farewell for her, so i had another girl over that my girlfriend hated so i didnt tell her. i ended up having her a my house which was a stupid mistake. then my girlfriend found out which i guess i wanted because i dont know if i wouldve told her or not. i told her the reason for her being over and she didnt care which i knew was ok. then after that whole fight a few months later she found out about me talking to her old friends which she knew were sluts and whores. i never wouldve cheated on her NEVER. but she didnt care because she didnt trust them. she got so mad that she called a bunch of people and found out about all the girls i talked to. they were just friends and i wouldve never done anything with them but i dont know if she knows that. i just hate my life. i knew this would probably happen but me and my stupidity brought it upon myself. now were broken up and she keeps saying shes doing everything she can to not be with me. she keeps saying how i never loved her and cheated on her. this sucks because i would never cheat on someone. i was just talking and most of the time the conversations were about her!!! i just need to know some way, anyway that is mostly painless to kill myself because ive been through so much pain and cant take anymore of it. i know that alot of guys would just go find someone else but im not like that. i promised myself and God that i would find one person and one person only to be with and share love with. and i dont want any chance of me breaking that promise. dont make me wait for an answer im going through so much pain and i cant handle it much longer. sure im scared of what will happen but fear is better than suffering everyday without anyone to talk to because i dropped everything in my life for her including all of my friends. please email me.|
|08 Jul 2003||the gay punk||oh PC, it's you again. i thought you were dead. pls find another boyfriend. with a different name. like jason, or brad, or willy wonka, just not derek.
hi, its your favorite faggot again, and your favourite faggot is very depressed right now. it's not even funny. i was happy for the past like two weeks, and now i'm sad again. it was dark outside. i am getting bulkier, though my shirts are too big for me (bad shopping choices). i wanna throw up. are a lot of you my dear mouchette readers if you are too depressed you get depressed with only a simple sad song or the weather or how you look in the mirror and you have no idea why you are the person you are now coz you are too fucking fucked up for a very long time.
i have no fucking idea how i got out of the closet. i have no idea how i started smoking. i have no idea how i got into this self deprecating (i don't even know what that means) state or how this started.
owww. there was someone who just disrespectingly banged the fucking door in my ear. I HATE MY LIFE. what is left to do. or if there is, would i have the guts to just do it.
i went to barrie ike two days ago. it's this town an hour outside toronto. i had to be there to support my cousin's minor league team. but all i really want to do is fuck his straight baseball teammates. anyways in the game the people from barrie are so loud you can say that people from barrie have like annoying alcohol levels. i want to kill them all. and they were all so ugly. it's like you don't want them to take speed coz they'd jump around too much, kind of like you don't want to see courtney love to take her clothes off.
so will how did you get banned from every store in your hood? that sucks. i hate cops. i hate all of them. and judges too.
AND I DON'T WANT TO LIVE THIS LIFE
|07 Jul 2003||crystal||truthfully, when asked, it's hard for me to come up with direct reasons for wanting to commit suicide. it's a mixture of fear, confusion, rejection, and loneliness. and you all know how that goes. i've always been the type of person that wants to please everyone but it's so goddamned hard to do! and the fear that permanently resides in me can not be explained. it just is. people wonder how i could ever think about killing myself with all i have going for me... i am engaged and have a pretty bright future. but they must remember that i have been diagnosed with clinical depression and sometimes the urge cannot be helped. my fiance worries about me constantly... he's counted pills to make sure that i don't take too many and also locked me in our bedroom at night so that i couldn't leave when he was sleeping. i know i should be glad that he loves me and that i have loving and caring friends and family but i'm so fucking confused. one minute i want something and the next minute i want the exact opposite: example: sometimes i want to marry my fiance asap and sometimes i want to wait a while. and i get mad at him for not knowing what he wants! how can i expect from him what i can't do myself? i am such a goddamned hypocrite. i've attempted suicide twice by OD and i know that if i succeeded it would be again by OD. it seems so easily accessible (esp. with my array of medications) and it goes so fast. if any of you have any words of wisdom, gimme an email. thanks.|
|07 Jul 2003||Brad||Quit whining!!! All of y'all!!! My life is worse than any of you! I am in debt about 3000 dollars, the only girl I have ever truly loved left me for her ex, I'm stuck in a shitty job, I can't find a love as deep as before, MY ex-ex is all over me for attention (but I care for her) so I can't kick her to the curb but I don't want to be with her, my grandpa died, my parents want the money I owe them, my ex-gf is still on a lease with me for 2 more years so I can't move into a new place, I'm stuck living with my parents, I feel like killing myself with the guns my dead grandpa left me, I have little money left, my friends all betrayed me because they hated my ex and I lived with her, and finally, I work 10 hours a day five days a week because my grades suck and I NEED out of debt!!!! This is a reason to kill yourself! Not because of your stupid internet girlfriend won't respond back to you!!!! GROW UP!!!! Am I dead yet??? Well, not yet! And I have worse problems then all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!|
|07 Jul 2003||Felicia, your daily advisor.||One night, my heart was pattering so fast because I thought of this one guy, who I thought, digged me. Then I kept rewinded the thought in my head, the bittersweet words he spoke: " I was just using you for sex." Now just thinking about this would make anyone feel like ending it all. In short, some of you would say, "That's really fucked up! Chuck the bastard!!"
You know that thought...
It's like having a water hose stuck in your left nostril with water pressure on full power. Of course, literally, it would help you wash those awful thoughts away, and actually you would end your life by drowning, which I don't recommend.
Rejection is a daily cycle of life in which we all have to accept. We cannot force anybody to love us any more or any less. If things always happened our way, we would disturb the "natural order" as quoted by our dear old friend, Shakespeare. The world would be utter chaos if things always happened our way. If we tried killing ourselves, we would take life into our own hands, and cause a disturbance in this world.
If you tell yourself that you don't matter, it would be the same as telling me that I don't matter. We have a purpose to this society whether it would be negative or positive.
Don't contemplate that portal to self destruction. Why? Because down the road there may be something in store for you that you will really miss.
...And that would be finding YOU.
|07 Jul 2003||becky||run in front of mister softy's ice cream truck|
|07 Jul 2003||molli||hello everyone-
it has been along time sense I last filled out one of these forms but even though I have not been responding and shit I am here and I am reading everything that has been written and hope with highest hopes that we live on I know this past weekend I almost pasted away ...... my 14 th birthday is coming up on tuesday and I can't believe I made it this far and I thought I would never see 14 ... but this rate I am hoping I will make it to 16... slowly I can feel my depression trying to take me slowly and kill me but it is slowly working even though I am fighting I have been throwing up the little that has been in my stomach and I haven't really been eating and every time I try to eat it just comes back up even when I don't want it to..... my life with my friends and family is getting better but I can't live with a fake smile on my face asking questions that only the loved ones can answer.... I hate me and my depression so much that it doesn't matter what they think any more or how the treat me.... so I am now "saying good-bye to hollywood... I am going to hell, who's coming with me?" but before I go will some one answer this for me.... How can I love others more then I love myself? How did they find the me myself can't find it?
|07 Jul 2003||perverts should all be KILLED||I have been hurting inside for 2 yrs now. i was abused by my best friend's dad. i felt worthless and he told me it was my fault, he took something so precious away for me so i felt i didnt want to go on. on christmas day i took 20 pills and then cut my wrists i dont know how i managed to survive but i did. so for months i cut myself it felt like the pain from my arms took the pain away form me hurting inside then i started college and met my boyfriend and everything got better, then last night happened i had my drink spiked and my uncle took advantage of me and blacked out so i dont know what happened but my boyfiend walked in and saw it now were not talking so now my arms are bleeding again and i have no pills left i fucking took then if u hadnt guessed already they lighting doesnt stik twice well i it does. TO ALL THE GIRLS OUT THERE BE CAREFUL ITS A BIG BAD WORLD OUT. AS THE PERVERT SAID TO ME LIFE IS LIKE A BED OF ROSES JUST MIND OUT FOR THE PRICKS! he said that just b4 he abused me|
|06 Jul 2003||will||had the worst day in my life. i may have to go to court. and i was told i will be banned from every shop where i live. so im frightened and sad|
|05 Jul 2003||P C||I'm only posting this 'in case'. I'm going to overdose on my meds soon. I am 100% sure that it wont kill me. But if it does, well, ....
I am posting this in case.
Derek, I love you more than anything else in this world. I'm doing this to get help so that we can have a great future together. If this doesnt work....
well, ..I'm evil.
I would never do this if I wasnt so certain that it wont kill me.
I love you sweetie.
|05 Jul 2003||Tempest Smith||What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?
Copy and paste the link for a story about a 12 year old who used a scarf to hang herself from her bunkbed in 2001. She was driven to suicide by the relentless bullying received from classmates who found her unacceptable because of her Wiccan beliefs and her style of dress. The article says she was kept alive on life support long enough to harvest 50 of her organs for donations.
|05 Jul 2003||will||thanks gay punk. i havent had fun for years, let alone gay fun. i lark about sometimes, which lands me in trouble. i went to a vicars party tonite. that was fun, NOT. apart from booze. hmmm, that landed me in trouble last time, but it was great being pissed.......hic.......|
|05 Jul 2003||Jason||Ok, first of all, eat breakfast, watch your favorite TV show (cartoon programs) and go to the arcade during the afternoon. Talk with your friends and family during the supper and during the night, take a knife and cut your neck. Your will be dead in a few seconds (but you will probably pass the best day in your young life)... but don't try it. A guy who read an article about the suicide japanese pact.|
|04 Jul 2003||basti||take sleeping pills!|
|04 Jul 2003||Josef||i don't want you to kill yourselves. i tried and found out that i am such an important person.
i really gave all my efforts toward ending my life and i realized at the end of a tiring day of failed hang attempts that it's just not my right or within my power to stop the breathing of such a precious creature as me.
i've been in a psych ward all week (that's where you end up if your suicide attempts fail and you really meant to do it). while there i brought joy to at least five people including an elderly man that said i reminded him of himself when he was young. he wanted to end his life and so we met there. now that i've been released and convinced all the doctors that i can "commit to safety" and ask for help if suicidal thoughts recur; i am going to help the elderly man i met with all of his problems. they seem so trivial compared to mine and the mere suggestion that i'm there for him makes him want to live.
i was wrong, friends! life is precious and i'm sorry i had to wait so long to find that out. i'm sorry i had to break ropes and wood with my neck all day to find inner strength and to find proof that i'm worthwhile.
help someone that wants to die, see if you still want to die yourself.
|03 Jul 2003||Gina||walk out in the middle of the road into oncoming speeding traffic.
|03 Jul 2003||Lucy Cortina||For some reason there are a lot of wobblers in the town where I go to college.. I think it must be a special fat town, like when they have special beaches for people who like to go nude etc.
Not that I'm complaining.. life could be worse.
|03 Jul 2003||Juliette||C'est une idée stupide. Il faut le prendre au second degré non ? Comment peut on avoir de telles idées à cet âge. Manger des gateaux... toute la journée.|
|03 Jul 2003||will||hmmm, no such luck phil. my other half swallowed lime scale remover today! she thought it was lemonade, duhh. even im not that stupid. well, most of the time im not. believe that and you'll believe anything lol.|
|02 Jul 2003||Cheryl||Just pretend you already have. Every method that you think up - see yourself there in whatever state it is that the method of killing yourself has left you. Perhaps it will be like the young man across the street, who blew half of his skull away, then left himself for his little sister to find. See your mother like I saw his mother, crumpled in the grass and nearly out of her mind with grief. These people will live with what he did to them for the rest of their lives. I live across the street, and the young man and my son used to be friends when they were younger. He would spend the night at my house, and I can still see his little face, peacefully asleep on my couch -- I would cover his feet with another blanket, because his feet were always uncovered. I remember his life and energy, and it is hard to know that, if he'd just waited another day, week, month - waited for the pain to pass - he would still be here. His suicide, though I am just another Mom across the street, triggered my depression that has lasted for three years. I cried for a year, every night, for him. No one would ever guess that I would do that, and no one ever knew.
I am 50 years old, and I have two sons. Knowing about depression, I have considered teaching a child about it as important as anything else. I told my sons that no matter what has happened, and no matter how horrible you feel about yourself, the pain WILL pass. All of you here need to know that depression is a chemical imbalance. Many of you describe an unfounded depression - life is good, but you feel so badly about yourself, and all you want to do is escape through death. Many of you do not have a good life, but instead you have to contend with abusive parents, or illness, or failure in school. I hear some of you say you are stupid, yet you write with intelligence. Failing in school can come about simply because depression makes you not want to do anything, and especially studying. Depression interferes with concentration, so you can try to study, but you read it over and over because it doesn't sink in.
These conditions have names. They can be depression, bipolar depression, schizophrenia complicated by depression, obsessive/compulsive disorder complicated by depression, ADD or ADHD complicated by depression. Underneath your illnesses, the real you exists - the person who can feel contentment, not give a damn what anyone else thinks, feel joy, look in the mirror and see a wonderful image - whether beautiful or not - a unique and beautiful creation. You are all here for a purpose, and your purpose may or may not be made clear in the next few years, but if you seek it it will find you.
One of the worst things about being young is being self-conscious. You feel that everyone is looking at you and thinking bad things about you. Guess what? They're thinking about themselves about 99% of the time. When you come to this realization, you will be free. When I was young and in school, and the teacher would call on me, tears would start running down my face, it was so painful. I barely talked, I was so shy and thinking people did not like me. I thought I was disgusting and not worth anything. Now I look back at the girl I was and cannot imagine how I thought I was ugly and worthless. What a waste of my young life!! I mourn for the child I was, because I never got to be a child. Now when I hear the young people here saying they are worthless, ugly, stupid - it is gut-wrenching for me, and I mourn for your lost young life. When you say you are already dead, or that you may as well be dead, maybe you are expressing what I just said. Your life is lost, because you cannot feel joy and excitement and just peace.
School is hard for some of you, and a bad grade on a test can feel as if it is a life-ending matter. I made straight A's in school, and I did it when nobody cared or noticed. It was my obsession, being smart. But as soon as I was out of school, there was no way to tell whether I had done well or badly. No matter what your grades are, just try as hard as you can to improve them to get through it. Just get through it, and then get through college or junior college or trade school. When you are an adult, there is no way to tell whether you made good grades or bad in school. Now, they matter if you want to get into a particular college, but even if you can't, did you know you can start all over in junior college, make some good grades and go on from there? You may have people around you telling you it is the end of the world if your grades aren't good, but I'm here to tell you it is not. Bill Gates was a terrible college student, from what I read, and he dropped out. Later, he finished his degree, but only a couple of years ago. But you DO need an education in this world today to be able to show somebody a piece of paper that says you can make a decent wage. Year in technical school - whatever. So what if you don't go to Princeton? You will join the 99.9999% of us out here that didn't either!! So lighten up on yourselves about school. Do what you need to do to get through it as best you can. Nobody's keeping score after you're out. If you have trouble reading, take yourselves or insist that somebody take you to reading help - adult education center. My son, volunteering, helped a boy who could not read, 12 years old, read like a pro in 6 weeks. Whatever your problem, it is not a mountain - just a little hill to get over. There is a solution to every problem.
Please, please live. I cannot see your faces, but I know they are beautiful. Everyone is unique and beautiful. Just for today, take yourself out of yourself for just a while. Go for a walk or a run. Go somewhere isolated and scream. Then sit quietly, close your eyes, and ask for peace. Peace may be death, but we don't really know, do we? But peace in your mind, and contentment in your soul, you can bring about. I know. I was raised by one of the most abusive people on the face of this earth, and daily I was told I was all the names you choose to call yourselves that are so ugly and hurtful. My mother once sat on the edge of my bed and told me that one of these nights, she would come and slit my throat and enjoy doing it. I lived in hell, but I made it out of that hell, doing whatever I could do just to get through. I thought I was the lowest form of life on earth - after all, who is lower than someone whose own mother cannot love them? Now I know she was ill, and I'm so glad I didn't let her make me kill myself. I found love, had two boys who are so wonderful it hurts. I grew up to make two young men know they were loved every second of every day, and I was a great mother to them. They will tell anyone that. My husband is crazy about me. I know I'm OK. But I used to be like you, and feel the way you do. Still I am bothered by depression when something goes wrong, and everything is going wrong right now. Suicide is not an option. Why? My life's purpose was to love people, and that's maybe why I was denied love as a child. See, a reason for everything. We are here to learn, and some of us have harder lessons, but we are the lucky ones. Without knowing pain, knowing joy is just so much more exquisite. All the hard lessons just make us more grateful for the good when it comes. And it WILL come, I promise you.
As corny as it sounds, God really does love you. I think when you cry, God cries, and you can't destroy His creation. Care about Him, if you can't care about yourselves for a while. There is medication for you, and if you get a medication that makes you feel like a zombie, open your mouth and tell your parents or the doctor that you want to try another one. One of my neighbors told me that she takes Zoloft for her depression, and that she'd probably have to take it the rest of her life. I nearly fell down, it was such a shock, because a happier and more enthusiastic person you never met.
The light of God surrounds me.
The love of God enfolds me.
The power of God protects me.
The presence of God watches
Wherever I am, God is, and all is
I am sending my love to all of you now. Please live. Just tell yourselves that killing yourselves is not an option. And it isn't. It is not an option because you won't do that to those you love. It is not an option because you have no idea what happens after you die. What if you will be doomed to repeat the worst parts of your life for eternity? Could be - I don't know, and neither do you. If you don't believe in an afterlife, just know that there are few deathbed atheists. I don't believe in Hell as some fiery torture chamber, but I believe it could be separation from God. Live your lives and work at getting better, and tell people you need some help. That is your first step toward becoming a healthy and happy person. You can do it, and you do not know if it is right around the corner that you will feel like you wish you had 200 years to live. Some days will feel that way, and others not so good. It is the human condition. It is true that suicide is a permanent answer to a temporary problem. I care that you live a good, long life.
Be here tomorrow.