|Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.|
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?
Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
|12 Oct 2003||theguy||How many times do you lie in bed and think how red the room would be if you just found a pistol (an old fashion Civil War type) and placed it against your temple and pulled the trigger? I have, too many times the fucked up thing: Ill never do it. Its all because I know how good life can be, I can remember how good it feels to have someone love you I had an accident and I received a really bad hit to the head and I have something called Persistent Post-Concussion Syndrome. I feel like a robot. My abstract emotional connection to everything is lost people talk about trivial events in their lives and I smile because I think it will make them feel better, when in reality I feel evil I feel so distant that I could kill someone myself itll never happen, but I dont think Id feel anything. I dont want to be one of those people who live their lives from a jail cell not really caring about the world that exists outside. I was a Catholic, I believed in God, I thought at the very least a deity would give me something to believe; a choice. When really, I feel inconsequential, I just exist Ill be driving in my car and suddenly realize that Ive been living for the past few minutes, when in reality the things Ive been contemplating: this road needs work, are the Cubs going to win tonight, why are high school kids so much cooler than I am? just stop and the real things come up. I could be a soldier; Im a robot; end me.|
|12 Oct 2003||james eakin||Fischer-Price syringe full of "kinder" heroin.|
|12 Oct 2003||Steve||Oh God, the pain! Those of you who have been posting here for years must be very strong, because I've only been visiting this site for a few months and I'm afraid my time has already come and I'll be committing suicide within the very near future. I had a bad experience a couple of days ago and I feel like the pain I've been feeling over the past several months has suddenly increased one hundred fold.
Though I was suicidal before, I had actually been managing to continue with my everyday life quite well without any severe attacks lately, but now everything's changed. I can't eat (this isn't due to an eating disorder, I've literally lost my ENTIRE appetite due to overwhelming depression and anxiety). I can't sleep either for the same reason. I have shivers all over, not because of the temperature, but because my body actually seems to be in some sort of severely depressed/anxious state of shock that it can't snap out of. I'm sitting here writing this and I'm scared, because on one hand, I don't want to die, but on the other hand my life has become so miserably hopeless and depressing to the point that my body has entered a state of shock and I can't even do basic tasks properly such as eating and sleeping. I never thought I'd be saying this, but I think I'm definitely going to kill myself sometime within the next 30 days, because I just can't deal with my pain anymore. I feel so wretched and worthless right now that I could seriously end up killing myself tomorrow for all I know.
As I said, I don't know when I'll go through with it, but I think I'll be dead within the next month. Therefore, as soon as I stop posting for an extended length of time, you guys can pretty much assume I'm dead, because I feel so terrible right now that each day feels like another nail in the coffin. I'd like to thank everyone here for your company, and Mouchette for running these boards. I wish you all the best, and for my sake, and everyone elses that's commited suicide, let's hope there's something fulfilling beyond our broken lives. I may continue to post up until my death, but I just thought I'd finalize things preemptively, just in case I don't return.
|11 Oct 2003||josh||hey i am really sorry if i caused a problem but i am cutting myself and i dont know wat to do plz help me thanks|
|11 Oct 2003||Chris||I've heard Leanne say that she doesn't eat, I've heard others here say that they eat too much. Suicide and food is a really complicated matter. Personally, I love indulging in something good when I'm depressed and bored.
For us, eating does not involve hunger. When you're bored, depressed and suicidal you'll poke around barefoot in the kitchen, eat a slice of cheese maybe, or nibble a tomato in the light of the open fridge. When you're tired, short-bread buiscuits drunked in coffee usually do the trick. Feeling a bit low? You let chocolate dissolve in your mouth, brainwashing your mind that it's too late to live fast and die young, so what's the point of giving up chocolate? On a morning when you're feeling sadistic because you're late again for school, a packet of crisps which has stood around for ages and tastes like an old and very lonely sock is a fair punishment. The smell of baking reassures you and a simmering pot consoles you. Snacks in bed are bliss, while you push your food around the plate when you are feeling agitated or guilty. When you're sad (most of the time!), you starve yourself, or indulge in sacrificial fattening.
Food is symbolic, and our relationship with it is complicated in both rich and disturbing ways, especially with women. While we men swallow our food too quickly to properly taste it, a woman intakes intensely and looks at her body, so food is not necessarily a need! But that's because men and women come from different planets. For instance, have you ever wondered that when women delay getting married, we call it "independence", but when men do it it's called "fear of commitment"? But beyond sexual generalisations, eating is not about eating. It's about emotions. It's about orders and disorders (and we seem to have a lot of disorders). That's why eating more or eating less is not about the quantity of food consumed, but about upbringing, personality, peer pressure, and a whole psychological babble which at a time or another someone from mouchette seems to have experienced! Or even about culture- ever wondered that obesity may be ingrained in our obsession not to leave anything on our plate?
You do not catch anorexia, or bulimia, from Vogue magazine. The pages of this and other fashion magazines do not carry some kind of bacteria that will make you anorexic. Nor does fashion TV emit radioactive waves. Eating disorders do not have anything to do with fashion, and they are not trendy zeitgest illnesses. Anorexia has existed in medical literature since 1968, so there is no point in trying to relate the cause of the illness to current pop-cultural issues. The truth is far more complicated.
The underlying causes of eating disorders are psychological, or even genetic. Far more complex, in other words, than the simple desire to fit into a size six. And like alcoholism and drug addiction, eating disorders can tear victims, family and friends apart. Yes, I know you like to see your family and 'friends' torn apart but is it worth it tearing yourself apart for it? To suggest that all this is caused by a jealousy of Kate Moss or Kylie Minogue is quite insulting.
So yes, the fashion industry can pat itself on the back- it is not from reading too many copies of a magazine that people decide to starve themselves to death. And yet, when models are becoming increasingly bony, when the ideal clothing size is diminishing each year, with the Academy Awards becoming simply an excuse for actresses to flop their hip bones and clavicles, when women who just about still need to wear a bra are called 'curvy', there is something very unhealthy going on.
So you ask: "Dear Chris, this is getting quite boring, where is this digging? And if you've just learned something about food disorders do you think we really give a fuck?" No friends, I'm not interested in stupid details about this thing but this goes to show how much misunderstood we are. People think that we are trying to copy a model but in fact we are only feeding our depression and desires and relying on food as a punishment or consolation prize. Once persons become severely anorexic or bulimic, they are usually too locked into their own little world to care about models and actresses. They are so involved with their special rules, permissions and punishments that operate inside their head that they are too busy to read glossies.
But when they try to recover, it is very difficult to shake off their beliefs and paranoia when every magazine cover seems to validate them and makes them seem normal. Models and actresses have become normally thin and have normally jutting bones. It is expected of them, the media expects it and we expect it. This then becomes a vicious circle, with such images of skinniness being seen as the image of a successful and fashionable woman. So dear anorexic girl who is trying or not trying to get out of your problem, either way you're fucked! Now, isn't that suicidal?
I talked a lot about women but it's not only them. Try looking for men's clothes with sizes 36 and over in the most fashionable houses and you'll know how impossible it is to find them. Agreed- models don't cause anorexia or bulimia, but that does not mean that the fashion and film industries are off the hook. We have to ask: why are women who weigh seven stones venerated as icons of beauty? Why do models and actresses have to be so thin and elongated that they look as if they have been taken through a distorting lens, transforming them into another species? Arms that knot into the shoulders, sinews showing, hip bones jutting, hollows in the buttocks, ribs climbing like a ladder up the body, a sculpted face, they look like a disappearing act. Aren't they meant to look great?
And if you think that film stars look great and you don't... it's only because that's the truth. Film stars have lots of free time, nannies and money. We don't! They look great all the time. We don't! But then, we're doing more important things than they are. (After all we're helping all the kids in the world from this site). We're not meant to be a nation of Bridget Joneses, obsessed about our body size and shape. So as you might have guessed I hate the super skinny look. Leanne, do this favour for me, keep healthy and don't hesitate to eat those chicken wings if you feel like it. I'm sure you and all the other girls on this site look better than Kate Moss. My suggestion is (if you're still reading and not bored)- do not read beauty magazines- they will only make you feel ugly, which you aren't. You do so many things which make you hate yourself, don't just hate yourself by looking in the mirror. And you'd better be on two diets since you won't get enough to eat with one.
P.S Leanne, first you sent me kisses, that was electrifying, now you say that there is something in me that turns you on, now that's really a blast! I've never heard a girl say something like that to me! And about your kisses being with me for eternity, it's not unfortunate at all, that would be lovely because you care and I know very few people who do that! Wonder if a photo of me would turn you on? Oh, I'm laughing my ass off!
See you at a restaurant indulging on some good food...
|11 Oct 2003||time machine||suppose you could reverse or forward time, where would you go?
|10 Oct 2003||the gay punk||hey, anyone miss me?
(i see few hands)
how many don't miss me?
(i see few hands also)
how many don't give a shit?
(i see few hands, i shoot owner of those fucking hands, they die and don't need to off themselves anymore)
i'm back, well sort of. i'm still the fucked up person i am. thinking about it, trying on it, not succeding. if god existed he must be a fucking sadist dominatrix coz he's giving me a shit of a time.
i have a boyfriend now too, but doesn't know i want to kill myself
that's it, folks, and die happily, as you want to
p.s. um to those people who don't know me, don't ask, the people who know me might be dead by now
|10 Oct 2003||billy||I tried to stample my balls to a wall and tried to run|
|10 Oct 2003||Lauren||rig a microwave to work with the door open... put it on fullpower and place your head in it... alternatively if the microwave refuses to work with the door open... you can chop off your head and place it in the microwave... be aware that the microwave will no longer be the cause of death if you do this but just a way of making the body look "interesting" when they find you in the morning... :D|
|09 Oct 2003||Death||Take a gun and stick it against the right temple and pull the trigger. The End.
|09 Oct 2003||michelle||hi, my name is michelle and im only 14 and i have try to commit suicide. im not like other people i have a bf and my family dont get along. my best friend have just recently had killed himself and i have been in running in to da law a lot in da pass 3 months but i found a way to stay alive and dat was my little girl vanessa. she is only 9 months and im living my life to be with her. i hope many others dont kill themself but just seeing dis web-site and reading wat people wrote is just where i belong here with other people who think and act like me. i need help!
thank you for ur time!
|09 Oct 2003||Steve||Linkin Park is a terrible teeny bopper band. Nine Inch Nails is the best; if any artist knows pain, it's Trent Reznor.|
|08 Oct 2003||shillbob||dont do it dont kill ur self or pretend to. Its not a joke or any thing like that its not funny cuz some kids might use the stuff to kill them self|
|08 Oct 2003||molly whitlaw||get so drunk that u can't stand up, cover urself in petrol and then go joyriding with the aim to crash.
i don't have a sick mind im just slightly twisted
|08 Oct 2003||K||OD|
|07 Oct 2003||Lauren||Suicide is something I have tried numerous times and I have come to realize something. Just being depressed and hating life in your mind doesn't mean you want to die subconciously. I have always failed at commiting suicide and I used to try every week. I never could. That was when I was 13, too. I am now 20 and I don't want to die at all. I am sure I never really did want to die all the way. Just at the time, I was unhappy with life. All you need to kill yourself is wanting to do it whole-heartedly...|
|07 Oct 2003||Ronwelthy||You see, I wanted to call this girl I am obssessed, so I look on internet, in order to find her phone number, surfing on all the pages, wanted to find a solution, but none of it came. I was sitting in my room, with only my true friend, my own desesperation. I looked up down in the street, all wet by the morning rain, and then think about my future
Just know that I see it like a long, very long highway, and nothing to guide, no one you can call. And you just have to run... Where?... Maybe in a wall, destroy it to find something better. Everything is planned, so follow the way, don't care what people tell you because they to tell to do that, it was written.
That's just what I was thinking, I did not want to do as I was told, so I took a coat, and put on my shoes, then I just started packing my bag... emptying my cupboard and filing it with all these clothes, my nike socks, my Ripcurl trouser, my abercrombie T shirt, and my eminem sweater. It made a weird feeling when I looked down to see this bag at my feet.
It was like I was taking a piece of this house to bring it with me, like a refugee who drag along his big suitcase.
I did not feel like that at all, I simply wanted to see if it was better away, I could not stand this hell and like a adventurous man I was ready to run for heaven... don't think i was a fuckin suicidal, no it was like I was looking for a better place where I could relax. But, I also took a rope and a washingstuff, but just in case.
I was ready to go
|06 Oct 2003||Lisa||I've been thinking about Suicide for over 2 years now. The only reason why I'm still here is coz of Linkin Park. I know that sounds pathetic, but their music makes me so much better. It takes me away from reality. 6 months ago I was going to do it, I had talked myself into it, but then I saw a LP interview on TV & they said they were coming to NZ early nxt yr. So I waited. I went through 6 more months of pain and depression for LP. A few weeks ago I heard on the radio that they're not coming to NZ, they're going to auzzie instead. Fuck, I was pissed off. Anyway I could have killed myself 6 months ago. I really wish I had now. High school is really hard, my friends don't really give a fuck about me, and my family hates my guts. Half the time there's no food in the house, my mom hits me and insults me all the time. But I don't have to put up with this anymore, in exactly 2 hours I'm going to take a whole lotta Panadol and slit my wrists. That's probably the most pathetic way to go but I don't care. The point is, if your life sux, and you wanna kill yourself, do it now, coz it ain't gonna get any better.|
|06 Oct 2003||it doesn't matter because of existence||It's a good thing that absolutely nothing matters. We are all made of some fondamental fabric of existence, we all exist, that is the only truth there is. Most human terms are "descriptions" that we use for things, but they are vague and don't mean much, for instance, there is no such thing as dying, or living, furthermore most of what i am writing really means very little. God i love this universe don't you? Most of our emotions come from one basic "program line" that defines life, a strive for existence.|
|06 Oct 2003||notme||Strap a bomb to your belly that will go off one second after you say the word "Immediately". Run into a filled restaurant and scream "I HAVE EATEN A VERY BAD BURRITO AND WILL EXPLODE IMMEDIATELY!", do this while you're holding a lamp in one hand, and a power drill in the other. Ohh and stuff walnuts in your buttcrack. (this will really baffle the investigators)|