|Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.|
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?
Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
|31 May 2003||Sabriel||I'm 13 and I really just want to end my life... but something stops me everytime... like I'll miss someone or I won't have ever done this or just whatever... I want it to be painless and quick... what is the best way? Oh and how to I get over stopping myself?|
|30 May 2003||Nikki||take every possible cleaning detergent under your sink and bottoms up|
|30 May 2003||Shelynn||i think the best way to kill urself if u r under 13 is by slicing ur wrists or shooting urself, u could always drug urself too|
|30 May 2003||just a girl||superman
my dearest lucy do not fear.. i am still here.. (unfortunately).. i have not yet deserted you like your once warm beloved boobies have.. and my boobies have yet to enter that 'great boobie-home in the sky' (as i so vividly remembering you saying once)
and to my dear naomi I am so sorry I cannot be your master just yet.. for the jump was postponed.. and I am also sorry for my go at you.. that was just a girl in pms.. intoxicated (with shit life) mood.
but no i am here.. it appears my up-chuck reflexes have yet again prevented me from doing the inevitable and taking the plunge (i must be superman).. instead my head took the plunge.. (into my toilet that is).. as i spent yesterday as one with my insides, yet again.. watching the nothingness disgorge from my empty stomach.. mainly consisting of my stomach lining and anything else left..
due to this i was unable to get my train.. to my 'final destination'.. and was stuck here once again.. with my beautiful friend.. my tv.. and my life flashing before me in the form of a 'the bold and the oh-so beautiful' episode..
this morning when i woke up however, feeling so faint and weak from the previous days upchucking performance.. i asked myself, "how long is this going to go on for?".. and i couldnt answer.. and it made me so sad.. that i now have no control over myself any more.. i have no control over anything that happens, and every time something does.. it feels like someone is stabbing me in the gut with an extremely large knife.. but this time it doesnt feel good.. because im not the one doing it..
and the most awful thing happens today.. I got used to it.
I got used to being like this.. it almost seems normal.. all my obsessive behaviour has become normal and I cant snap out of it.. since when did I check how much I weigh everyday? Since when was losing 1kg everyday not enough? Since when did I think I was too fat? But I am too fat.. since when do I write into this suicide website? Since when do I spend my lunchtimes and weekends alone? Cutting myself.. since when do I not speak to the people who mean the world to me everyday? Since when do I break their hearts? Since when did I hate myself so much that it has come to this.. and when I think about it.. i've always been like this.. what can u do when u realise its not the people around you that mess you up.. but yourself? How can u get away from your own mind? Oh god.. when is this ever going to stop.. sometimes I wish there was a god so I could ask that question.. but there isnt.. and there is no hope
And as i sat in a psychology lecture today i listened so intently to the man at the front of the room (despite my need for hell's cocktail & my friendly friend.. prozac), dressed ever-so neatly speaking the best he could.. about hypnosis, psychosis, schizophrenics, depression, anxiety problems and just about anything else that covered myself and could fall under my name.. and he said something that kinda struck me.. (like a lightening bolt from above).. and it was that our subconscious mind already knows the moment we are born, who we are, what is in stall for us, and what we are to become.. now from as far back as I can remember, the topic-at-hand here has always been in my mind.. even during the most of happiest times in my life it was still there.. lingering in the back of my mind like a scratch that never got itched.. i even remember back to my days in year seven.. when I would play chicken with the ongoing cars that passed me by.. or stand with my arms out preparing to jump from the top of my roof.. however.. with this theory in place.. I thought.. shouldnt I already be dead by now? For my subconscious and conscious has not only thought of suicide, but.. considered.. contemplated.. dreamt of and even, attempted.. so I dont understand.. shouldnt I be dead by now? If that is what my subconscious mind is always thinking about, doesnt that mean that it is what should happen?
And I came to the conclusion..
I must be some kind of superman
|30 May 2003||ben||Here's the way: look at a picture of your 'classmates' and try vomiting really hard, then draw a rainbow with a purple pencil, then ... there you go pulling that trigger.|
|30 May 2003||faaye||if anyone on this site wants to talk to someone who will genuinely care about you and will listen to everything you have to say then you can email me.|
|29 May 2003||naomi mikamura||...just a girl... u do realize i didnt mean what i said when i called u and lucy names for what seemed like no complete reason... right? i mean... u know im fucked in the head right...? maybe more than u think... anyway i wanted to tell u... YOUR MY HERO! ill find out which building u jumped off of so i can "follow in my masters footsteps...". hey... maybe ill see u and lucy in heaven sometime... and we can watch abraham lincon burn in hell in our spare time... :) anyway... sorry about that... see ya again sometime...|
|29 May 2003||Lucy Cortina||It disgusts me how pornographic radio advertising has become these days.
I just heard an ad on my radio that read: "It is I, Big John from Corellia Cars. Our prices are oh oh OH so low, and all the cars have long warranties..." then a woman replied:
"Really Big John, is that all u can think about? Nice cars with 'long warranties'?"
It's a disgrace. My sister listens to the radio cos she likes all the dancey and catchy songs. Then Christina Aguilera is on singing about how she likes getting "dirrty".
Well, my sister is dirty enough thank you very much!!! That fucken bitch Christina is brainwashing her.
Do you people now understand why a girl like me is on a website like this?
Just a girl, do not desert me like my selfish boobies did. There will be one less pair of boobs in this world if you do what u plan, and there are never enough boobies, just like there's not enough blood.
In fact they should put out adds asking for boobie donations along with blood donations.
|29 May 2003||ziggy||This is going to make me sound like the most idiotic moron on the face of the earth, but I once (I was 10?) tried to kill myself by stabbing myself with a pencil. Guess noone told me that I should stab something else instead of my arm.
I used to try to strangle myself all of the time, but I would always get caught, the rope would break, or I would pass out but not die. This only fueled my feelings of worthlessness. Can't even fucking kill myself right.
I am 26 now- still dealing with the suicide shit. I want to die right now even. Shit seems so fucked up. I wish I had some words of inspiration for everyone, but the way I see it- everything is meaningless. There is no such thing as life- not for me anyway. This sucks.
|29 May 2003||Barbie||hey everyone im 12 i dont have a way to kill yourself. i have tried cutting Oding. i dont want something painful i want to OD but how many advils would u have to take? i dont want to live my dad hates me and worships my brother. i just moved to a place where i dont fit in and everyone hates me from a place where i was the most popular. i cant take it anymore i just wanna die, rub it in my dad's face that this is all his fault.|
|29 May 2003||will||aawwww, 'just a girl', that makes me so sad:( but i know how you feel, really i do. Anyway, i came down from the loft to visit my mother in law. yes my lovely mother in law. And she popped the question. Nooo, not that one;) No, she asked me if i am 'GAY'. Well, i said, yes i am. i actually shocked myself in saying yes to her. It's like opening a can of worms. Ummm, im just waiting for the fireworks. She is the last one to find out. Ohhh, im going back up the loft to hide.......|
|28 May 2003||just a girl||my last post
im sorry.. but my stupid stories arent going to be here anymore
im sorry to everyone i have hurt..
im sorry about everything i have said..
im so so sorry for being me...
im so sorry to the people i love..
im so sorry for being so messed up..
im so sorry for doing this..
i had no other choice..
i dont know wat else to do..
im so so sorry..
im so sorry
im so sorry
i finally get to be one with my bridge. but i fear it is not high enough.. if u hear of a young 16 year old girl who fell from a high rise building in the city tomorrow night. you will know who it was. thank you all for making my last moments easier.
but i cant and i wont do this anymore.
im so sorry
im so sorry
im so sorry
|28 May 2003||just a girl||last post to naomi mikamura!
i will no longer waste my time replying to someone who refers to me as a fuckholer...
there is no point coming here and abusing lucy and i... we are on the same train track... remember...
oh & whats an addhole? :P
& will baby.... i must say i agree... damn therapy to hell i say!
|28 May 2003||just a girl||"the bold and the oh-so beautiful"
Although my sick days off from skool usually consist of my head being stuck half way down the toilet puking my stomach lining up.. while trying to get over my hangover of prozac and vodka from the previous nights madness (and they all wonder why im so loathsome and obnoxious when the sun goes down.. does the word 'psychosis' mean anything to you people?).. i realised my sick days could offer me so much more..
One morning shortly after i had finished my 'breakfast' (a sweet mixture of vodka, gin, bourbon and a touch of schnapps.. which i like to call 'hells cocktail').. on a sick day i had taken sometime this week (more puking is no doubt soon to follow).. i thought to myself.. and i wondered.. what i could do to make the time pass by.. although mummy's drawer of intensely brutal sharp coloured objects and the bathrooms cabinet of anonymous friends kept in tiny bottles with Hollywood titles such as "keep out of reach of children" (luckily im not a child anymore) were looking impressively pleasurable.. i turned to once again my god.. the television..
Approaching my realisation that it was indeed mid-week and only those shows intended for knocked-up teenage gal hillbillies (consistently named 'ally-may') from microscopic towns with mismatched names such as Wisconsin and Alabama, who naively thought it was a good-idea-at-the-time thing to jump into the back of some redneck horny yobbos truck.. (also consistently named 'jake' or 'billy-bob') to shag and make the unborn-baby-that-never-stops-crying-no-matter-how-much-u-feed-it, that would inturn shape and commence the rest of their miserable lives in a caravan park watching shows on a t.v they cant afford such as Jerry-Springer with billy-bob on one tit and the baby-that-never-stops-crying-no-matter-how-much-u-feed-it on the other... (all the while they havent hit their 16th birthday yet)
Luckily I have hit my 16th birthday (so that stereotypical scenario will never be possible).. and luckily I wasnt born into this world with a name such as ally-may (otherwise then I would really have a reason to kill myself! or just my parents for giving me such a horridly shameful name).. anyhow back to the point of this pointless anecdote, I flicked on my television to find something other than the likes of Jerry-Springer.. it was in fact.. The Bold and The Beautiful.. (commonly known as the bold and the oh-so beautiful) .. and it took only moments for me to apprehend that this inferior, shabby poor-excuse for a t.v show actually personified the useless pathetic life I live.. (without the multi six-layer makeup effect of course)... as I heard the words... but ridge (what kind of a name is ridge anyway?) I LOVE YOU!... says the blonde bimbo with the boobs oh-so-too-big for her body... but u just slept with your daughter's husband!!!!... says ridge (doesnt this guy know the 90s hairstyle of a mullet is so outdated?)
Now I know I do not currently have a 90s mullet hairstyle and did not.. I repeat.. did not.. have an affair with my daughters husband.. or my brother.. or my cousin.. or my father.. or anyone else for that matter! that these predominately sex-obsessed people did.. but I do know that the same problems I have in my life now.. will be there.. months.. and months.. later.. (for any bet I can turn on my t.v and tune into a bold and the oh-so beautiful episode six months later and still be able to follow on)...
As I come back into reality.. I think a thought and come up with a theory.. one that almost makes me want to head to that drawer or bathroom cabinet (plus I can feel hells cocktail rising ever so slowly in my stomach).. that we are all stuck in lives we cant change and cant stop... and cant help being who we are...
Now of course we dont wear multi-layer faces plastered with slimy swamp-thick makeup.. and havent had 101 facelifts and boobie-jobs (besides lucy) in one lifetime.. (nor do we fuck our fathers) but perhaps it should be said that possibly we are all just living out our own the bold and the oh-so beautiful episodes everyday of our lives and there is no escape... (suicide still rising to the top of my things-to-do list)
But remember peeps we are all much better actors than the ones being paid.... :)
|28 May 2003||Danny||Life's a battle kiddies the sooner you realise that the better. Who ever told you life was easy or fair was lying to you. You all need to wake the fuck up get angry, and move forward instead of whining like little bitches about how hard life is. You can live in self defeat about how this happened to you or that or whatever. But no one really gives a shit about your problems except you, and only YOU can make yourself feel better so take responsibility for your emotional health instead of blaming everyone. If you've got two arms, two legs, a brain and you're healthy you got no excuse to feel bad.
So get up stand up, grab life by the balls, say fuck everyone else no one really cares about me so i'm going to make a success of my life or fucking die trying.
|28 May 2003||perfect||I've been suicidal for the past four months. Not a day goes by without thinking about how much I want to die. I am sad, depressed, my life is just blah. But, I am different from a lot of the people I read about on this dicussion board. My future looks promising. I'm a good looking 18 yr old male. I have a lot of friends, I attend an Ivy league university. I have parents and family who love me. I have people who WILL be devastated and will miss me when I die. So what is wrong with me? I used to be fun and happy, but now I am just somber, cold, and distant. I am just too much of a whimp to pull through with it. God, give me the strength to end it. i can't stand to see the light of another day.|
|28 May 2003||Kelly||dont do it seriously someone has it worse than u and dont do it !!!! if u do than ur selfish!!!!|
|28 May 2003||Kelly||the best way to kill urself is to not!! Don't do it u have to much to live for believe me the people that make u want to kill urself are going to be working for u!!!|
|28 May 2003||will||therapy, therapy, therapy...... it doesn't bloody work. especially when the therapist gives up on you, and they tell you that THEY need a break from you. and those that come here criticizing and judging others, shouldn't come here anyway. umm, back to the old loft........|
|27 May 2003||Lucy Cortina||Schlib - this website IS therapy. Reading through this website will teach you more than any jumped up psycho-ologist will tell you.
Therapists do not offer a warm bosom for you to cry upon, whereas I do, or at least I used to. Sadly I will soon have to offer a fake bosom to cry on.