Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
14 Oct 2003 Thomas Hi my name is Thomas and i have a problem. My problem is that i think about commiting suicide every day. I am now 19 and my birthday was only a couple of days ago. The reason i feel so depressed is due to the overwhelming stress i undergo everday. I appear to be thirty years old and not very attractive and it is heart breaking. On top of that everyone i know looks down on me due to my various mistakes. Also due to the fact that they think i am a homosexual. My mom also has become crippled due to an unkown entity that has retarded her body. I am seriously loosing my mind. And the other day i had somebody shoot at our house. Yeah shoot at our house. My whole family looks down at me and feels i am the reason to blame, and in a sense i am the reason to blame. I am very tired of living and am right now seeking help as a last attempt to regain some of the sanity that i have lost over the years. Please somebody help me.
14 Oct 2003 Leanne Happy Birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me-ee, happy birthday to me!.. Well actually it was yesterday but what the hell. (A bit of irony for you all here... I was born on the 13th). Something strange happened yesterday, my parents paid attention to me. It was wierd, it felt wrong, bad, naughty even. It's nice to see they are nice enough to pay the slightest bit of attention to me at least one day a year... awwwww. (If you're that desperate to know my age, do your homework, play Sherlock and go back in time.) Gay Punk, my hand is firmly up, coz I missed you. You know who else im missin... Just a Girl... seriously, this is bad, does anyone have an idea where she's got to? And Chris, I had a slice of cake last nite... and do you know what... I want another! Right now, there's an assignment heaped up in a pile to my left, it's staring and laughing at me coz it knows I haven't a clue what to do with it. So I'm taking up other more important activities such as saying hello to you guys in hope that it's gonna write itself or even better-disappear! I'm gonna look back at it now and I expect to see it gone... ..damn, it's still there. I dunno what else I can do to avoid it, I've done everything I can think of... such as cups of tea, seeing what's on T.V, silly conversations with my dog, what else is there? I'm not college material... what kind of polluted-intoxicating-London-smog-air was I high on at the time when I decided to enrol? And get this... I received another assignment on my B'day on.. 'Adolescence'! (Psychology-is that how you spell it?) :-(
Leanne xxx
P.S David Blaine is coming out of the box next monday! I'm thinking about going to that Paradise Island soon :-)
14 Oct 2003 molly whitlaw my answer is not just for people under 13. i have been suicidal for most of my life. i am 15 year old girl with a normal life and iv tried ODing 3 times (it doesnt work, but i have had my stomach pumped) and jumped out of several very high windows apparently i am lucky to be alive but i cant look at it that way. i seem to spend my whole life cutting myself up, looking for the next bunch of pills i can find, getting stoned or drunk. there is nothing else that makes me happy anymore i wake up each morning and cry cos im still alive. if i see pictures of war and suffering i feel guilty for hating life so much when there are people who would do anything for my life!!!, but i can't help how i feel. if anyone reads this who feels how i do please mail me cos it would be cool to speak to someone like me!!! cheers
oh yeah!!! i havent put how to kill yourself have i?................. i don't know. just don't OD it does'nt work neither does jumping out of a window!!!

but fixing the microwave to work without the door shut (stick a chop stick in the clip that shuts the door) and then microwaving your head would be quite interesting!!! please mail me and tell me if it works ??????? :)
14 Oct 2003 JinXy Run into a solid brick wall head first, going really fast on a skateboard.
14 Oct 2003 edith eating candies till you can`t breath
13 Oct 2003 Bartholemew first put on some nirvana on your portable cd player. then if you live in an apartment building that has more than 3 floors, jump through the crack thing in the middle of the stairwells.
13 Oct 2003 Dan - Go to a cemetary and fuck an ancient corpse, if the maggots inside your body don't kill you, the VD and sicknesses you get will.

- Put glass in your food and start eating. Yummy!

- Put your head in front of a door and slam it until you're head falls off

- Quick and painless: Jump head first from your roof. Don't be a pussy, if its not high, it WILL HURT. And if its not head first, you probably wont even die.
13 Oct 2003 Maura break into a marina and tie an anchor around your ankle and jump in the water
13 Oct 2003 bus des etoiles Put the head into a toilet water and flush water.
13 Oct 2003 im not telling u my name! for the last 6 months i hav been wanting to die. i hav tried at least 4 times by slitting my wrists, but its never deep enough. ok, let me get this rite, i hav the nicest friends ever, i hav a good family, and i go to a good school, but i still HATE my fuking life. there is only 1 reason why i havnt decided to totaly go thru wiv it, and that reason is because of ONE of my friends, she has kept me going thru all the hard times and has always stood by me, she doesnt giv a fuk that i am suicidal, and that i smoke and get drunk, and im ONLY 13!! she accepts me for who i am, she understands that my life is fuked up, and she is only ONE of the three ppl that actually LISTEN to me when im upset and angry. she puts up wiv my mood swings, she knows why i am sumtimes a bitch for! its hard to believe that ONE person has basicallly kept me going, the only reason i dont kill myself now is cos i know how much it would hurt her! shes put up wiv me for SO LONG and she wouldnt want me to just die,just like that. she wants me to live my life to the fullest, she hates to see me upset, when i cry, she cries too! so everyone out there who is thinking bout commiting suicide.... think about all your friends.... how much would they hurt! most of them would blame themselves! think of all the ppl u love, b4 u end your life!
12 Oct 2003 Hol well i tryed falling down some stone steps........ but as u can c im still ere!
12 Oct 2003 theguy How many times do you lie in bed and think how red the room would be if you just found a pistol (an old fashion Civil War type) and placed it against your temple and pulled the trigger? I have, too many times… the fucked up thing: I’ll never do it. It’s all because I know how good life can be, I can remember how good it feels to have someone love you… I had an accident and I received a really bad hit to the head and I have something called Persistent Post-Concussion Syndrome. I feel like a robot. My abstract emotional connection to everything is lost… people talk about trivial events in their lives and I smile because I think it will make them feel better, when in reality I feel evil… I feel so distant that I could kill someone myself… it’ll never happen, but I don’t think I’d feel anything. I don’t want to be one of those people who live their lives from a jail cell not really caring about the world that exists outside. I was a Catholic, I believed in God, I thought at the very least a deity would give me something to believe; a choice. When really, I feel inconsequential, I just “exist”… I’ll be driving in my car and suddenly realize that I’ve been “living” for the past few minutes, when in reality the things I’ve been contemplating: this road needs work, are the Cubs going to win tonight, why are high school kids so much cooler than I am? just stop and the real things come up. I could be a soldier; I’m a robot; end me.
12 Oct 2003 james eakin Fischer-Price syringe full of "kinder" heroin.
12 Oct 2003 Steve Oh God, the pain! Those of you who have been posting here for years must be very strong, because I've only been visiting this site for a few months and I'm afraid my time has already come and I'll be committing suicide within the very near future. I had a bad experience a couple of days ago and I feel like the pain I've been feeling over the past several months has suddenly increased one hundred fold.

Though I was suicidal before, I had actually been managing to continue with my everyday life quite well without any severe attacks lately, but now everything's changed. I can't eat (this isn't due to an eating disorder, I've literally lost my ENTIRE appetite due to overwhelming depression and anxiety). I can't sleep either for the same reason. I have shivers all over, not because of the temperature, but because my body actually seems to be in some sort of severely depressed/anxious state of shock that it can't snap out of. I'm sitting here writing this and I'm scared, because on one hand, I don't want to die, but on the other hand my life has become so miserably hopeless and depressing to the point that my body has entered a state of shock and I can't even do basic tasks properly such as eating and sleeping. I never thought I'd be saying this, but I think I'm definitely going to kill myself sometime within the next 30 days, because I just can't deal with my pain anymore. I feel so wretched and worthless right now that I could seriously end up killing myself tomorrow for all I know.

As I said, I don't know when I'll go through with it, but I think I'll be dead within the next month. Therefore, as soon as I stop posting for an extended length of time, you guys can pretty much assume I'm dead, because I feel so terrible right now that each day feels like another nail in the coffin. I'd like to thank everyone here for your company, and Mouchette for running these boards. I wish you all the best, and for my sake, and everyone elses that's commited suicide, let's hope there's something fulfilling beyond our broken lives. I may continue to post up until my death, but I just thought I'd finalize things preemptively, just in case I don't return.
11 Oct 2003 josh hey i am really sorry if i caused a problem but i am cutting myself and i dont know wat to do plz help me thanks
11 Oct 2003 Chris I've heard Leanne say that she doesn't eat, I've heard others here say that they eat too much. Suicide and food is a really complicated matter. Personally, I love indulging in something good when I'm depressed and bored.

For us, eating does not involve hunger. When you're bored, depressed and suicidal you'll poke around barefoot in the kitchen, eat a slice of cheese maybe, or nibble a tomato in the light of the open fridge. When you're tired, short-bread buiscuits drunked in coffee usually do the trick. Feeling a bit low? You let chocolate dissolve in your mouth, brainwashing your mind that it's too late to live fast and die young, so what's the point of giving up chocolate? On a morning when you're feeling sadistic because you're late again for school, a packet of crisps which has stood around for ages and tastes like an old and very lonely sock is a fair punishment. The smell of baking reassures you and a simmering pot consoles you. Snacks in bed are bliss, while you push your food around the plate when you are feeling agitated or guilty. When you're sad (most of the time!), you starve yourself, or indulge in sacrificial fattening.

Food is symbolic, and our relationship with it is complicated in both rich and disturbing ways, especially with women. While we men swallow our food too quickly to properly taste it, a woman intakes intensely and looks at her body, so food is not necessarily a need! But that's because men and women come from different planets. For instance, have you ever wondered that when women delay getting married, we call it "independence", but when men do it it's called "fear of commitment"? But beyond sexual generalisations, eating is not about eating. It's about emotions. It's about orders and disorders (and we seem to have a lot of disorders). That's why eating more or eating less is not about the quantity of food consumed, but about upbringing, personality, peer pressure, and a whole psychological babble which at a time or another someone from mouchette seems to have experienced! Or even about culture- ever wondered that obesity may be ingrained in our obsession not to leave anything on our plate?

You do not catch anorexia, or bulimia, from Vogue magazine. The pages of this and other fashion magazines do not carry some kind of bacteria that will make you anorexic. Nor does fashion TV emit radioactive waves. Eating disorders do not have anything to do with fashion, and they are not trendy zeitgest illnesses. Anorexia has existed in medical literature since 1968, so there is no point in trying to relate the cause of the illness to current pop-cultural issues. The truth is far more complicated.

The underlying causes of eating disorders are psychological, or even genetic. Far more complex, in other words, than the simple desire to fit into a size six. And like alcoholism and drug addiction, eating disorders can tear victims, family and friends apart. Yes, I know you like to see your family and 'friends' torn apart but is it worth it tearing yourself apart for it? To suggest that all this is caused by a jealousy of Kate Moss or Kylie Minogue is quite insulting.

So yes, the fashion industry can pat itself on the back- it is not from reading too many copies of a magazine that people decide to starve themselves to death. And yet, when models are becoming increasingly bony, when the ideal clothing size is diminishing each year, with the Academy Awards becoming simply an excuse for actresses to flop their hip bones and clavicles, when women who just about still need to wear a bra are called 'curvy', there is something very unhealthy going on.

So you ask: "Dear Chris, this is getting quite boring, where is this digging? And if you've just learned something about food disorders do you think we really give a fuck?" No friends, I'm not interested in stupid details about this thing but this goes to show how much misunderstood we are. People think that we are trying to copy a model but in fact we are only feeding our depression and desires and relying on food as a punishment or consolation prize. Once persons become severely anorexic or bulimic, they are usually too locked into their own little world to care about models and actresses. They are so involved with their special rules, permissions and punishments that operate inside their head that they are too busy to read glossies.

But when they try to recover, it is very difficult to shake off their beliefs and paranoia when every magazine cover seems to validate them and makes them seem normal. Models and actresses have become normally thin and have normally jutting bones. It is expected of them, the media expects it and we expect it. This then becomes a vicious circle, with such images of skinniness being seen as the image of a successful and fashionable woman. So dear anorexic girl who is trying or not trying to get out of your problem, either way you're fucked! Now, isn't that suicidal?

I talked a lot about women but it's not only them. Try looking for men's clothes with sizes 36 and over in the most fashionable houses and you'll know how impossible it is to find them. Agreed- models don't cause anorexia or bulimia, but that does not mean that the fashion and film industries are off the hook. We have to ask: why are women who weigh seven stones venerated as icons of beauty? Why do models and actresses have to be so thin and elongated that they look as if they have been taken through a distorting lens, transforming them into another species? Arms that knot into the shoulders, sinews showing, hip bones jutting, hollows in the buttocks, ribs climbing like a ladder up the body, a sculpted face, they look like a disappearing act. Aren't they meant to look great?

And if you think that film stars look great and you don't... it's only because that's the truth. Film stars have lots of free time, nannies and money. We don't! They look great all the time. We don't! But then, we're doing more important things than they are. (After all we're helping all the kids in the world from this site). We're not meant to be a nation of Bridget Joneses, obsessed about our body size and shape. So as you might have guessed I hate the super skinny look. Leanne, do this favour for me, keep healthy and don't hesitate to eat those chicken wings if you feel like it. I'm sure you and all the other girls on this site look better than Kate Moss. My suggestion is (if you're still reading and not bored)- do not read beauty magazines- they will only make you feel ugly, which you aren't. You do so many things which make you hate yourself, don't just hate yourself by looking in the mirror. And you'd better be on two diets since you won't get enough to eat with one.

P.S Leanne, first you sent me kisses, that was electrifying, now you say that there is something in me that turns you on, now that's really a blast! I've never heard a girl say something like that to me! And about your kisses being with me for eternity, it's not unfortunate at all, that would be lovely because you care and I know very few people who do that! Wonder if a photo of me would turn you on? Oh, I'm laughing my ass off!

See you at a restaurant indulging on some good food...
11 Oct 2003 time machine suppose you could reverse or forward time, where would you go?

A: 1979
10 Oct 2003 the gay punk hey, anyone miss me?

(i see few hands)

how many don't miss me?

(i see few hands also)

how many don't give a shit?

(i see few hands, i shoot owner of those fucking hands, they die and don't need to off themselves anymore)

i'm back, well sort of. i'm still the fucked up person i am. thinking about it, trying on it, not succeding. if god existed he must be a fucking sadist dominatrix coz he's giving me a shit of a time.

i have a boyfriend now too, but doesn't know i want to kill myself

that's it, folks, and die happily, as you want to

p.s. um to those people who don't know me, don't ask, the people who know me might be dead by now
10 Oct 2003 billy I tried to stample my balls to a wall and tried to run
10 Oct 2003 Lauren rig a microwave to work with the door open... put it on fullpower and place your head in it... alternatively if the microwave refuses to work with the door open... you can chop off your head and place it in the microwave... be aware that the microwave will no longer be the cause of death if you do this but just a way of making the body look "interesting" when they find you in the morning... :D

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