Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
04 Jan 2004 usseless_gurl hey i feel really trapped. things r just snowballin in front of me and i have no way to control it! i have already tried to do it countless times but haven't had success! i guess may b tomoro i will die, mayb ..... i can only wish as i am to afraid to go through with it. every time i try i fail, i'm a failure to everything i do!
04 Jan 2004 Mike I NEED HELP URGENTLY... I recently played a very very cruel joke that backfired VERY VERY BADLY. Sorry for the repetitive adjective.
Here is the situation.. My good friend (2nd best) friend I told i was suicidal however I would not commit suicide while my parents are still alive... and i would like to lose all my money gambling first...
Anyway he was very good about it and I DID THIS FOR ATTENTION PLAIN AND SIMPLE sorta... i mean i do feel depressed out of nowhere sometimes...
And i guess u could use the term suicidal cuz i would like to escape sometimes...
But anyway I went overboard cuz i told my friend i was going to take my life in 2 weeks. I also told my BEST FRIEND's gf. I told my best friend's gf b4 but i also told her i was going to kill myself in 2 weeks... i recently lost 270 bucks in atlantic city and was just really down..
Now here is WHERE IT GETS REALLY fucked up.. :( my BEST BEST BEST friend in the world came back from cancun today and upon his arrival his gf sarah told him my plans... then he drove to my 2nd best friend's house and he confirmed that i said i was going to take my life in 2 weeks.
I feel so bad about this ... i fuckin was doing this for attention (also i was depressed) but again i wasn't going to do it! er! anyway now he is flipping out i walked outside with him in the cold for about 15-20 mins maybe more and i didn't want to say hey it was for attention..
Wow what an asshole I am.... doesn't matter because he doesn't buy it and SAID HE WAS GONNA TELL MY PARENTS... btw I'm 21. anyway I flipped the fuck out on him i'm like dude u fuckin do that it's all over ... my reason to live is gone thats the no.1 reason im not doing it... then he's saying i have to go to see a shrink at school...
And I HAVE to tell my parents cuz it cost money to do this... If those of you are wondering why i didn't tell my BEST FRIEND and told his gf and my 2nd best friend instead is i couldn't bare to stare at him in the face with him knowing i feel depressed sometimes and what not.
Also IT WAS FOR FUCK'S SAKE a game.! i mean I ADMIT I LIKED THE ATTENTION the look someone gives you when they care and the look of concern they give you... honestly I think I was going to say something to my BEST friend saying how i felt... just cuz i knew he was gonna find out something i slipped up at a party when i was drunk and said something about suicide... and besides i enjoyed the attention... now my best friend in the world is concerned and may make me go to this shrink.
03 Jan 2004 Laura Smith I'm 13 myself to be answering this so under 13 I guess I should include myself. Slitting your wrist doesn't help much, i found that out after 203 scars heh. Hanging may help or just jumping from the roof of your house with gravels on the ground... though if you want to die quick just go and get the shot gun out of your parents room heh and have fun... Though if you really don't wanna die and just want to feel some light pain or have a near death experience just go with slitting the wrist about 4 or 5 inchs down the wrist.
03 Jan 2004 cnidaria first, i suggest you strip down to nothing, shave your entire body, paint your entire body aquamarine, and then dump honey bbq sauce on your genitals. after that you strategically place peacock feathers in your anal crevice. next, after completion of those first tasks, you pierce your nipples with ring bologna. immediately after that you tattoo "jurisprudence" on your left earlobe. then go stand on the top shelf of an arab owned local business, and do a back-flip while shooting yourself with a flaming cross-bow straight into your jugular. a brilliant way to die, if i do say so myself.
03 Jan 2004 Felicia the Great Back From The Holidays

Hello Mouchette!!! Happy New Year!!!

To the rest of the folks still in hibernation, sleep away the cold months cuz February 2, will be here before you know it.

I'm surprized at the long posts written by budding writer's with wonderful amounts of talent. I was just looking in the bookstore one night sauntering through the Writer's 2004 booklet for publishing and inspired to write a long novel, later preparing it for mid-summer. I also encourage the other writer's to do the same. Use that talent to generate many returns--for heaven's sake--get paid for it!

Wish me luck folks and forgive my belly aching about the loud music. I know that it was not posted up for a good reason for fear of complaining critics. Since bomb mail has been an all time epidemic, I will spare my anger and put it forth to something more constuctive like bathing in a tub full of jello pudding while giving Rush Limbaugh an erection.
02 Jan 2004 thomas old age.
02 Jan 2004 Sara Hi my name is Sara and I am 13 I cannot stand to live anymore. I wanted to know what types of pills can help me kill myself in a painless way. Please email me if you know! please help!!
02 Jan 2004 molli *I'm gonna draw a picture *A picture with a twist* I'll draw it with a razor blade* I'll draw it on my wrist* And as i draw this picture* A fountain will appear* And as this fountain flows* My troubles will disappear*
02 Jan 2004 Antinewyear "Society is a joint-stock company... for better securing of his bread to each shareholder, to surrender the liberty and culture of the eater" - Emerson's bullshit

So I've realized... for those who celebrate, they are bond to disappointments and feeling of emptiness.
The drug "holiday" provided by society is addicting. You are forced to take it in order to feel depressed afterwards. The souls wish to be released from mundane with celebrations...
But please don't forget, more than 300 days per year, you are living under social control and rules. System of reward and punishment...
For if you don't want to feel pain and suffering, you have to give up all your pleasures in life. How could anyone be a saint if the whole world is filled with criminals or vice versa?
Why the fuck am I saying this to you morons? 13 year old cock suckers? Go rock climbing with the rope attached to your dick for all I care! None of you bastards will ever kill yourself... Why the fuck do you need to check some web site if you're really going to do it? Any retard can think of ways of suicide without the lame suggestions from the lamers. 13 years old masturbators... I hate masturbators, it's a sign of mental weakness. You are weak. Too weak to live, too weak to die. Illogical stupid little shits that don't deserve to eat, but be the feast of my honest arachnid. Look at yourselves in the mirror, ugly monkeys of moral defeat! What suprises me more is not that you didn't kill yourself already, but your half-ape brain is making up reasons to live another day. I will piss on your corpse after setting fire on your coffin. All you idiots deserve no respect in life or in death.
01 Jan 2004 Bec my name is bec, i think this site is so amazing. I have depression and anxiety watever that is, and im on aropax but it doesn't work. I suppose i really relate to heaps of the people here, coz i have attempted suicide four times unsucessfully and i have self inflicted cuts and burns all over me. I always felt weird and different coz i have to pretend to be happy and that everything is ok, but it is so comforting that i'm not alone. I have a fool proof plan to take heaps of paracetamol and no one will find me for ages. But i wanna say to everyone reading this that i am sure ur an awesome person even if u can't see that u are. Hang in there, coz when u have reached the very lowest point the only way life can go is up. Stay smiling!
31 Dec 2003 Katelyn Suicide often crosses my mind. I sometimes don't find any reason to live and maybe i don't. It's when i'm around my family that i am tortured and manipulated. Having people believe in me at school has made me go on. I have become stronger, much stronger and last time it was when my sister came back home. Inside i completely know they don't understand me or anything i have tried to become. It's like if their life is sad they want to use me to make them happy. I have been forced to do a lot of things i don't want to do but they won't let me breathe. I hate their criticisms and i know i'm much smarter. I just need to get away from people who are pulling me down and find my path. No one should commit suicide. Care about yourself and find a path in your life that you like. I am in hell too but i and you should find the better things in life that matter and live towards that goal.
31 Dec 2003 Yeast Infected Leprechaun Let Hell and High Water hide! Drown yourself in pure dryness!
31 Dec 2003 Alvira In WV Stab your eyes with forks, very harshly, play heavy metal music like myself! All the time, non-stop! Cut out your tongue and staple it to your pets forehead. Sniff Clorox and stick a level up your butt, what!
31 Dec 2003 Chris Resolution! Even the word I don't like. It sounds like revolution, which sneaks away with a measly ssss, like a traitorous lago and you a corrupted Othello once again. And, of course it's the opposite of revolution- it won't change anything. Sure, it'll make you feel like the hero of your own story, but isn't that a bit of a sad desire to start with?

Attach the word to New Year's, of course, and you've got a recipe for true cretinism. Is there still anyone over the age of 13 who makes New Year's resolutions? If I've learned anything from my years on this planet, it is that uttering the words "I'm never going to (insert vice here) again" make you look as real as Westlife lyrics. Yes, you will, and yes, despite all the resolutions I made not to lie, I still conceal my weight under clothes which make me look thinner. Resolutions of new years past will come back to haunt you, making you defeat all the more poignant, bringing the inevitable if unexpected discovery that self improvement is not so straightforward after all.

Yet, it is still hard not to get the resolution urge on New Year's Eve. There's that sense of renewal, of rebirth, and the guilty awareness that you ate your weight in chocolate during the holidays. Sure, last year's resolutions were already on the carpet with the last few tinsel and mince pie crumbs by the fifth of January, but hey, this year's going to be different, right? Right?

Not really. New Year Resolutions are the lion's share of this season's cheatings, as fad as the taped tinny carols echoing down the streets or the animosity and well wishes wrapped around every present that you got. Was any month ever so stuffed with the desire to change oneself, make oneself better in the Bridget-Jones style calibration of the things we do wrong, or too much or too little, on a daily basis? We're depressed, drowning in our own affluence and clawing about for an answer, an option on reinvention. Yet, we inevitably fail, year after year.

The proof of your annual failure is that after all these new years and thousands of resolutions, you're still some Lawrence of suburbia, living on the edge, smoking too much, reminding yourself that you are not a 6 year old any more and resolving to be grown-up. Despite your resolution to read more, you still watch crap TV with a soundtrack which seems as though it has been compiled by a drunken punter from a bar jukebox in the dirtiest bar on the darkest street. You still run hot baths, and while the bubbles burst, consider sensible eating options like not biting your nails and unconvincing yourself that a burger a day keeps the doctor away. As regards the gym, the membership card makes for a great beer coaster. After all, you are all for inner beauty, and a slick of lippy, a bit of eyeliner and a top-up deodorant are enough to face the brave new world.

At least, until the end of the year, when resolutions and their failings come full circle, reminding us that the compiling of New Year Resolutions is an essentially pointless exercise. Those of us who do make resolutions certainly do so in the full knowledge that we are unlikely to realise them, and will ultimately end up afflicted by a sense of guilt, by an increased awareness of our personal failings that we might have otherwise been spared. That in itself is an essential part of the whole resolution culture. So why do we persist?

Because we have been persisting for some 4,000 years since the custom was first introduced by the Babylonians, together with demon bowls and magic. The intention was to keep them humble and remind them to do things they might otherwise not. Apparently, the most common resolution doing the Babylonian rounds concerned the return of borrowed farm equipment to its rightful owners. This tradition was revived in Victorian times, albeit in different clothing. The Victorians took their rituals seriously, using them to ward off the burgeoning uncertainties of the fin de siecle years, nourish old roots and imply the presence of others that had never existed. The whole Christmas period, for instance was built up to help keep harsh modernity at bay, and each December 31 was seized on as an opportunity to reassure everyone that stability and cohesion came through ritual, and that, in spite of all the dark talk of decay and disintegration, there would still be growth and renewal in the new year.

Yet, at some point over the course of the past few years, the status of the New Year Resolution changed, and became an altogether darker affair. The resolution has evolved from a casual expression of our vague intention to do good by our neighbour's prototype plough, and become an open statement of our self-disgust, an affirmation of our continual pursuit to be anything better, anything but ourselves, the articulation of our personal dissatisfaction. Why can't we be less like us, and a little bit more like Kylie Minogue or Brad Pitt? Why can't we stop smoking and be thinner, fitter and kinder to animals? Why can't we plot against our individual failings and be better?

If you take such things seriously, the planning period of New Year's resolutions starts about now. For some, it might be a quick five-to-midnight mental scan, but I know others who spend hours designing the improved self, scheduled to arrive on new year's day. Chances are, even if you haven't acted out the New Year resolution mini ritual at some point over the last few days, you have been aware of the issue. Some small part of our psyche will have coughed politely, raised its finger and suggested that now might be a great time to curl up in a quiet corner with an appropriately pretty notebook, a fountain pen and a reverent air, and begin itemising the path to a better you. Or you simply think of every quality you don't like, draw up a wish list pf replacements, and at midnight the one would be exchanged for the other.

The list will include both physical and mental new ideas. Physically, we are hooked on the possibility that we could improve- be prettier, more groomed, more toned better dressed. Our economy depends upon it. Should we start believing that we can exist without a product that will combat the seven signs of ugliness, or a gym membership will rein in our flesh. All of this adds up to a general disenchantment that corresponds quite neatly with the annual resolve to do things better in 2004.

So while for most of the year, we think that a balanced diet consists of beer and hot dogs, slimming in the month of January becomes the world's favourite obsession. Maybe we should keep it so, since we have an obesity rate fit to make it to the Ritcher scale! For a few weeks, gyms are temporarily full of clients, horrified by what a post-festive step on the scales have revealed. For a few weeks, gyms are temporarily full of clients, fired by self improving zeal, sporting new trainers and learning the difference between a pec-deck and a bench-press.

It doesn't last. While for the first few weeks of January, the number of people who join gyms planning to do several times a week is high, the number still sticking with that months later is much lower, and many will have stopped going before January is over. As the initial enthusiasm and motivation disappear, people fall off the bench-press, stick to their beer and hot dogs diet, and let gyms grow fat on broken New Year's resolutions and promises and annual paid memberships.

So will drug companies who produce nicotine patches and gum. Each year, the production of these remedies doubles and so their marketing, since record number of smokers are always expected to try to kick the habit at the start of the new year. Everything starts the night before. You throw away everything to do with smoking- cigarettes, matches, ashtrays and the lot. Then before you go to bed, you run the cigarettes under the tap. Otherwise, you'll be delving in the bin, wiping baked beans off them in the morning. With a final flourish you start collecting all the money you would have saved in a jar thinking what a holiday you're going to buy. But like all resolutions it started with the bang of the ashtray on the floor and ended with a whimper of waking up groping for cigarettes near your bed and finding none. Then suddenly you see the light from heaven and you go out to buy cigarettes or at least you see the light of the open fridge!

Alas new year resolutions seldom make it past February! Why? Simply because most of us don't have a clue how to make a reasonable resolution, which is why most of us fail to keep the ones we make. So we either set up goals which are easy to keep such as sleeping as much as we can or breathing, or else stop making resolutions at all.

I just have decided that to give up smoking and getting up late in the mornings, or to clean my teeth with interdental brushes just wouldn't contribute to making the world a better place- so Fuck it! And anyway, I attribute most of my vices to the stress inflicted on me by others. I am their victim; and if they were to reform themselves, I would doubtless become a better person too.

Maybe we should make collective resolutions such as being more sophisticated as a country to celebrate diversity and start behaving like a tolerant country and relax. Together we should make an effort to be who we really are and not pretend to be others. Surely it makes more sense.

Yet maybe the only resolution we will keep in 2004 is to be good and dedicated bargain hunters and spend our leftover money in January, the month when many of us rush to the shops in search of that elusive must have item at a fraction of its usual price. We will crazily rummage the shelves, offering an arresting spectacle of consummerism at its nakedest while the bands play on. And again we will be a failed people, a failed nation and a failed, fucked up world!

But I live on (unfortunately) in hope. Happy New Year!

See ya all drunk, but again, Be ReaL!!!
31 Dec 2003 pinke hang yourself in a phonebox that way you can say your last good byez before you go.
30 Dec 2003 ... You seriously need some LOVE !! How can you have this on your site! From Belinda in Australia
29 Dec 2003 Terri-Lyn Run in front of a FedEx truck during winter season.
28 Dec 2003 sarah hey, Im sarah. Im 17 and see no reason to live anymore. My life has been filled with sadness and there is no one left who really seems to care. I really want a painless way to kill myself. If anyone can help me please email me.
26 Dec 2003 Kelly (damien) If u wanna be creative you can do this. Cut your stomach and pull out your intestines, then hang yourself with it! Gross huh? Either that or you can take a BIG knife, put the tip on the roof of your mouth and take a hammer and hammer the knife into your brain. Man 12 yr olds have some weird ideas but i'm one of 'em!
24 Dec 2003 Chris I would say an optimist is one who walks down the street, finds no clothes to fit and flatter, and pronounces the death of fashion while asking that eternal question, "Does my mother look big in this?". Then the optimist will go for another lap around the shops and eventually finds something nice and very expensive. But what the fuck- everywhere Christmas lights are blazing and the message is 'Get spending now!'

A pessimist, on the other hand, will go round the same shops, sees no traffic in street wear, and decides that it is one's body that has gone out of fashion. Then one goes home and imagines life as it should be, not as it is, how fashion in this world is something of a juvenile pursuit but one day someone Promethean will do something about it.

I am of the latter party pooper species. So it comes as no surprise that I don't see Christmas as the most wonderful time of the year. Rather, it's the most anxious, the most desperate, the most self-punishing. Each December we struggle to achieve perfection- the presents must be just right, the turkey dinner must be wonderful and your party dresses or suits must be enough to make everyone wail and flutter with envy.

Inevitably, we fail on all counts, and these silent nights become a time for problems. You need to arrive somewhere fast but no one would give you a lift. The Christmas tree has started shedding the needles all over the carpet. The shops have just closed and you've realised that the shawl you've bought for your mum is exactly like the one you gave her last year. There are odd noises coming out of the oven and in the news, five carol singers whom you have just treated to a warm coco, have been rushed to hospital. Your angina is playing up, and heavy winds, rain and a migraine are expected in the next five minutes. Friends, who have been making merry in the various water holes across the country, just puked up over the yellow and gold scatter cushions and your cousin is coming to stay for three days and threatening to bring her kids along too, thank you very much. Then a policeman turns up to inform you that the neighbours have reported a mushroom cloud over your house. The oven. Happy Christmas? You blind or what?

And this is only the night before Christmas. After Christmas, it would be nice to go on holiday, from this laborous quest for perfection, it would be nice to have rest from all that unrewarding striving. But instead, we follow it up with New Year's Eve, perhaps the most anxious and unpleasant evening of most people's calendar.

Christmas is not perfect, yet we imagine it to be, simply because it is a ritual, to be followed to the letter, weighed down with the memory of perfect Christmases past that are totally figments of a whisky or sherry-drunk imagination. This is why it feels so disastrously wrong if it does not work out and why we long so much for it to be just right. And why year after year, we assume that everyone is having fun during their Christmas holidays. And if not, some charity will do the trick.

Well, not quite everyone is as lucky as the happy ones always getting drunk. Many people have to earn their living on a Christmas Day and New Year. TV people for instance. And if they are not actually on the premises they are at the mercy of a cell phone. And if they are not at the mercy of a cell phone, they are on the premises churning out old time favourites and Christmas shows spiced up with flamenco dancing and charity shows. While most terrestrial TV stations will operate with a relatively skeletal staff over the festive period, the idea that the world's viewing lies in the hands of the few and the somnolent couldn't be further from the truth. Take the newsrooms for instance- they will be staffed just in case Martians were to arrive while the rest of us are passed out in a fag of seasonal bonhomie.

Bus drivers work, save a couple of hours to enjoy a Christmas lunch which will probably start a couple of hours late and will only give them time to slurp down the lasagna or turkey with a litre of wine and tinsel. Hospitals are fully staffed- obviously someone has to be on duty in case Santa gets stuck up the chimney and breaks his leg. The wards will still hold their sick for the night. Security guards and policemen, soldiers and waiters, barmen and taxi drivers, all will be on duty on shifts in order that we can carry on with our celebrations.

Not everyone will be at home, reeking of figgy pudding and getting carried away with the sweet scent of mincemeat. And if you had assumed that everyone will be happy and huddled with the family at this time of year, then wake up and smell your grandpa's cheap vermouth. A lot of people will be unhappy this season, thanks to the massive build-up towards the festive season. December is supposed to be a time to enjoy oneself, but for those on their own or who can't afford it, celebrations will just make them feel left out, sad and angry. We know this, but think that some millions of pounds in charity will make the poor and the homeless joyous, and leave us to enjoy our Christmas and New Year with a calmed conscience.

Yet charity is not enough, in a world where we spend eleven months in charitable hibernation, then splash out and start giving charity like mad (in hope that by some chance we might get something back for it). And there are people who are beyond charity, and who do not need money to spend a happy Christmas. Divorced or seperated couples for instance, rostering the time each will spend with their children. The elderly, who have been abandoned by their family, fearing loneliness and insecurity and dreaming of Christmases past- What good will charity be for them? Not to mention prisoners. Will they and their family be enjoying themselves like the rest of us? Well, probably prison is the safest place to be during Christmas, but certainly not the most joyful. For children in hospitals, and those separated from their parents and friends and staying in orphanages, Christmas will be a difficult time as well. Not all children will be writing their Christmas wish list and running in circles round the Christmas tree making themselves ill. Some of them are ill aready lying in a hospital bed. And what about the suicidals, who no matter what day of the year it is they just feel more suicidal and see no bright hope for the future- rather a worse year than the one that is just going to end!

And after Christmas... there is another year. And while Christmas is supposed to be about birth, the New Year seems to promise a fresh start. What shall we do tomorrow? We can start again, if not from year zero, then at least a nice round number, 2004. We shall (or at least try to) erase our pasts, purge ourselves of recent excesses, cast off the shameful parts of ourselves and walk backlit by the rising sun, through the streets filled with the wreckage of the previous year- broken glass and red eyed party goers coming down from that 2003 high. We shall make resolutions to be better, thinner, learn German or something, stand up straight, stop smoking, make only perfect souffles and a never ending litany which we will not succeed in. We shall be reborn into our own lives. It will be a miracle! We shall be a better men and women and be more charitable kind. We shall wave the old year good riddance.

This is indeed a salutary tie of year but not because it gives pause to reorientate ourselves, and change our goals. Rather because it brings sharp relief into what happens during the rest of the year, in which prisoners, orphans, children in hospital and suicidals are not in the news. It is only during these times that these people are given the warm shoulder. So while you and your family all over the world are getting together and reminding yourselves of all the reasons why you're not together for the rest of the year, just think about the ones who have no choice. Remind yourself of those who really count their blessings and who don't want a present this Christmas but to be present and to be given a chance of a good life. Mouchie, you're the only one giving the warm shoulder to everybody all year round. Congratulations and Merry Christmas and a happy New Year to you and all you people reading this!

P.S. Leanne, I read your post, 'Leanne about Chris' many times and I still cannot fully grasp if I should take it positively, negatively or neutrally. Sometimes it sounds as if you're accusing me of being here but not there for you, sometimes it sounds as if you're loving but you don't want to. Yeah, I know that cold, numb or only angry can feel good but only to a certain point. One day you look at someone and you feel something strange. You put your hand on your chest and feel a rhythm and you realise that you still have a warm heart that still beats and loves and that it was only the people who you loved that left and not the love itself. It was just covered with this cold, hard layer that was peeled off when you saw that someone. As the song says 'love hurts' and one day your heart will be covered in that cold layer again. But you will keep hoping that some day you will find that someone who will be worth loving and hurting for and you won't mind the pain. Good luck to you for finding that someone and sorry if I hurt you in some way. The closest I can get is by e-mailing you but as you never asked I never did for fear of being a pest of myself and considered junk mail. Whatever you say and think, I will still love you and I think I can understand you and I wish you all the best for this festive season, beyond it and forever! (What I wrote today about sad Christmases wasn't to spoil the fun but to make you think about reality!)

See ya all having fun (if you can manage it) and getting drunk but Be ReaL!!!

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