Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

Nom/email
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
01 Dec 2002 billy lucy, i would never go to a party that i knew had cucumber sandwiches, unless that is, i knew you would be there, then the party would move upstairs.
30 Nov 2002 Lucy Cortina Moucchie! I'm afraid you are committing suicide yourself my dear, by allowing these plebs to dominate your site. I thought a revolution was taking place, but things seem to have leaped back 2 years.
It's like when you throw a party but only the posh people with the delicate-etiquette are invited (Billy and myself), but a load of rough baldies in leathers crash the party. And they knock over your stacks of delicately prepared cucumber sandwiches, which tumble into your champagne fountains. And the sausage rolls end up trodden in the floor like dead soldiers.

I want back my Billy and I want him now...
26 Nov 2002 billy (sorry) what else could i be, all apologise
what else could i write, i don't have the right. what else could i say, everyone is gay. what else could i be all apologise.

i wish i was like you, easily amused. find my nest of salt, everything's my fault. i'll take all the blame, aqua seafoam shame. sunburn with freezer burn, choking on the ashes of our enemies.

in the sun, in the sun i feel as one. in the sun. i'm married... burried.

all in all is all we all are.

kurt cobain
16 Nov 2002 Lucy Cortina Blimey, this site is getting like my room, full of junk and bits of smelly old fish (it's ok billy - your willy is not to blame).
I just wanted to make a quick point about parents, how they try to act 'cool'. Instead of wearing elegant old-people's-wear, they try to 'get with it' by wearing baseball caps and so on.
That's all I wanted to say. Parents annoy me, why can't they save their kids the years of torture by just donating their private parts to a special camp, that puts 2 and 2 together inside an artificial-whatsit, so that we can grow up under normal living conditions? Eh?
Shame on you, parents.
12 Nov 2002 billy i am back. i don't have an email any more, sorry i'll get one soon. thank you for your support lucy, jeanie, mouchette.

i didn't mean to stay away so long. i didn't mean to stay awake so long. when it comes down to it, i know you'll be there. when i come down from it, i know you'll be there. i'll see you soon. you'll see me soon.

mouchette if you don't believe it is me, you beta-test me.

billy
08 Nov 2002 Jeanie So... Billy still gone after all this time. It's a shame really. I knew it was only a matter of time before he got lost in the bossom of the great and powerful Lucy... so Luc.. You bi or what? If ya are.. can ya let Billy out for a while so we can try out some of these freaky death suggestions :P... sounds like fun to me. you ain't got nothin wrong with an American chica do ya? We can compare extreem boob sizes.. I think mine just climbed to the DDDDDDDD mark. I'm thinkin about swimmin across the ocean and usin um for floaties... maybe I'll get eaten by a shark :D
03 Nov 2002 Lucy Cortina You're right fan. Unfortunately, I no longer know where Billy is. He escaped in the night from underneath my bed, god knows where he's got to now.
I have a backup plan though. I have one of those digital cameras that can instantly send images via email. Every now and then I pop the cam under my top and give Billy a treat.

BILLY - COME BACK DARLING!
02 Nov 2002 fan of Lucy (& Billy) oooh. i'm so sorry to disapoint you, Lucy, but i feel i should (i'm not sure why) reveal to you that i am female. and (unfortunately, in a way), American.. what would you say about that? lol. i like the idea of you and Billy creating a web site together. it would keep me laughing. i'm not sure if he's interested though, maybe you could whack his little tooshy with your wiggly jigglies, maybe will get his attention.
01 Nov 2002 Lucy Cortina What, you mean that Billy and I have fans?
I always did fancy some hunky turkish guy in some wet speedos stood beside me - as I consume grapes and chocolate - fanning me with one of those huge Peacock-ish fans. And then to be rubbed up and down with olive oil...*oooh!*...very sensual...
Or in my case, vegetable oil will do, considering my new college-economy shopping budget.

Back to the point. We have fans? I'm considering setting up and Billy & Lucy fanclub (one years free advertising is of course promised to you, Mouchette).
Actually, I really can't be arsed. But I wouldn't mind a fanclub. Please set one up for me, someone. If there are any rich, handsome, classy (suicidal 13-year-old) millionaires on this website, please do let me know. I have Britney Spears potential. I'm waiting for you baby...............
30 Oct 2002 fan of lucy (& billy) lol. lucy, u have good humor. i wish billy would come around more often and join us in this fabulous breast-fest. his only choice of activies was either this, or watching the britney spears concert.. i guess he picked the concert, eh billy? i know u are lonely, billy boy, come back to us.
28 Oct 2002 Lucy Cortina Uh-oh..Lucy again! I HAD to post again, since I just heard on the radio that Courtney Love's dog has died after eating one of her breast implants, which she left on the table! I mean - Ohmygod! Do these women never learn? You'd never catch me leaving my nungas lying around for any old dog to get his hands on.
Why don't she just put them in the fridge like any other self-respecting woman?

Ps - This site is addictive, Mouchette. You have me here every day. If things do not change I will be filing a lawsuit against your company, since it does not say on the package of this medication that it may be addictive. Side-effects I can deal with (aka Billy). But not addiction. I NEED to get a life!
Now..where's my Prozac gone to...?
27 Oct 2002 Lucy Cortina Don't you just hate it when it's a Sunday - you're all alone, none of your 'online-buddies' are around, and so you begin to realise that your 'online life' never existed and that you are really the lonely bore you tried to imagine you weren't?
I am reduced to finding a Britney Spears concert on channel 4 remotely interesting.

It's a good job that I have Billy to entertain me now... he does have his uses!
26 Oct 2002 Jeanie Ahhh... so billy is under your bed eh? I was wondering where that fucker escaped to. My sexual prowess was too much for him i guess. Decided that he couldn't handle it so he ran away... I have got to change the locks on my closet door.
25 Oct 2002 Lucy Cortina Billy flew to me on a plane because of a general lust for a breasted sex goddess. There was no way I was letting him come near me with his huge bishop, and so with my tongue I sliced it clean in two.
He now resides underneath my bed. When feeling generous I allow him a crust or two of bread.

The lesson to be learnt here is this -
do not fall in love with a Cortina.
24 Oct 2002 I am the great cornholyo I keep noticing that the more I come... the more people seem to stop coming. I guess some people actually serious about this suicide stuff... eeek. Scary though... nice to know most of you people just talk about religion and poopie... he he. And where the hell did Billy go?
21 Oct 2002 Vanessa hmm... intersting interesting answers here... yes yes good answers indeed... yet only the dead know the TRUE answers to being dead, seeing as they are dead! myself, i am not new to this site... i have been checking back every other week or so, and Lucy Cortina's and Mouchette's and Billy's dialogues and conversations seem to be getting more amusing every time... you three seem to have great lives.... anyway, on we go, i live in Texas in the U.S., but are we really united? i think not... actually i think that christianity is a cult, and the government is after me, and yes life seems to always be in shambles... by the way i'm being totally serious... but here's a question for the people who ARE thinking of "offing yourself"... what is there to look forward to when gone? no, i'm not any kind of savior, i promise this, seeing as i have a bad sort of behiavor, but really is Death actually THAT exciting to look forward to? unless you believe in reincarnation (in that case i would love to come back as a guy) then what really is to come in dying? it will be pitch black, incredibly boring, nothing to do, nowhere to go, nobody to see... i would rather duke it out in the tough life than be bored for the rest of eternity. think about it, and please feel free to email me with your thoughts, i'll respond personally Crying_black_tears@hotmail.com

Sincerely,
Vanessa
14 Oct 2002 Lucy Cortina I remember once I was watching Southpark, there were 2 cowboys on. They began to undress, saying "Let's explore our sexuality!" This got me thinking. Thinking, they say, induces breast development. Mein gott! One day I'll need to use the pyramids as my bra - a spiky one like Madonna used to wear.
Back to the point - I was thinking of exploring our proud names.
Cortina: Wanted sex goddess. A Cortina is actually some sort of car, I think. There is also a UK advert on TV with "Hairy Cortina", a freaky man with a huge Afro hairpiece.
I've been confused with famous people too. I once got sunburnt in Germany and a woman began screaching "Oh ja! oh ja! mein gott! Was ist? Ja das ist!" - whatever that may mean. The sunburn was in patches like a christian cross. She thought I was the Virgin Mary (honestly, I ask you!) and a queue of German women formed along the beach - they wanted to feed me tablespoons of milk and pray to me!
So, what about your names? Billy. That rhymes with willy. Quite inappropriate, I think!
Mouchette. Sounds like Machete (those sword things).
I put the question to YOU, dear people. What is in a name? Does your name scream breastiness, sexual juices and womanly potential to others? Or does it scream of a dried up old fart?
28 Sep 2002 Juicy Cortina Ps - Billy, stop stealing my panties!! I'm too poor to afford washing powder. The stains I find on them are atrocious!
27 Sep 2002 billy have you ever had something horrible happen to you?, and the only person you can blame is yourself. you beat yourself up. then lick your self inflicted wounds. then comes the pity.
i am my own worst enemy, as the saying goes. i am tired of being tired, and the fruits of my labor taste like boiled cabbage. my tainted spirit is only aided by distilled spirits, so please have a drink with me, i need a friend.
24 Sep 2002 billy when i was a young one, weed, didn't know what it was. then i realized i should always stay high, the weed makes me happy alright, and if you feel like i feel, i got half on your dime.

twenty dollar hollas all day every day, come around my way, you will want to stay. cause the weed makes me happy and hungry is all i can say. fall asleep between the sheets catch me, mary jane bless me.

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