Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
28 Jun 2004 Jericho I'm not 13 I'm 19 I don't really think alot about suicide but sometimes when stuff gets bad I think about it
I've never been one of the "popular" people and always been a bit of a loner
but I think that it is what makes you strong, coping with being different everyone is different but just in different variations and it will be the most weak people among us who hide behind groups or "popularity" because they cannot face the fact that they too are human and they too are different it's about getting up and saying I DON'T CARE THAT YOU LAUGH AT ME I'LL BE THE BIGGER MAN AND TAKE IT MY STRIDE!
28 Jun 2004 jem someone please email me tell me how many ib profine it takes.... i really need your help, from those who have experimented in the past......
27 Jun 2004 John I want to strangle myself but dont know how to do it comfortable.. what spot on the neck should i do it, top/middle/bottom??? any other info would be appreciated
27 Jun 2004 emma to find any drugs in the home and take them with any alcolal
27 Jun 2004 Tuba Ruba Here's what you do. Go to Niagara Falls and jump over the falls. If you die, you die and you're happy. If you live, you'll be famous for surviving and you'll get lots of attention and shit. Niagara Falls isn't your cup of tea??? Do some other crazy ass impossible stunt, then if you survive, you'll be famous and whatever. So going out in a blaze of insanity is the best way to kill yourself, especially if you're under 13 because people will be even more amazed by your fucked up self if you survive some crazy ass stunt.
27 Jun 2004 Rachel vcxwvcxww [10:10 PM]: please don't take it so bad
vcxwvcxww [10:10 PM]: im mean
vcxwvcxww [10:10 PM]: ok ?
vcxwvcxww [10:10 PM]: im mean
vcxwvcxww [10:10 PM]: im just begining to read a mail from your frien
BabyTearzXoXo [10:10 PM]: dont talk to me.
vcxwvcxww [10:10 PM]: i won't ever be mean
vcxwvcxww [10:11 PM]: you're so sensible
vcxwvcxww [10:11 PM]: i love you
vcxwvcxww [10:11 PM]: i won't do this again i swear
vcxwvcxww [10:11 PM]: i'm sorry
vcxwvcxww [10:11 PM]: i didn't think you were so sensible
vcxwvcxww [10:11 PM]: you know i'm surronded with insensible persons
vcxwvcxww [10:11 PM]: i'm sos sorry
vcxwvcxww [10:12 PM]: i won't do any harm from now i promess
vcxwvcxww [10:12 PM]: i'm really sorry please believe me
vcxwvcxww [10:14 PM]: i'm really sorry
vcxwvcxww [10:14 PM]: i'm crying right now of being such an ass
vcxwvcxww [10:14 PM]: please insult me
BabyTearzXoXo [10:16 PM]: please insult me?????????
BabyTearzXoXo [10:16 PM]: ok
BabyTearzXoXo [10:16 PM]: ur annoying
BabyTearzXoXo [10:16 PM]: ur mean
BabyTearzXoXo [10:16 PM]: ur annoying
BabyTearzXoXo [10:16 PM]: ur mean
BabyTearzXoXo [10:16 PM]: ur annoying
vcxwvcxww [10:16 PM]: ok ok
vcxwvcxww [10:16 PM]: that enough i think
BabyTearzXoXo [10:17 PM]: ur ugly
BabyTearzXoXo [10:17 PM]: ur rood
BabyTearzXoXo [10:17 PM]: ur fugly
BabyTearzXoXo [10:17 PM]: ur annoying
BabyTearzXoXo [10:17 PM]: ur rood
vcxwvcxww [10:17 PM]: fugly ?
BabyTearzXoXo [10:17 PM]: dunt ask
BabyTearzXoXo [10:17 PM]: ur annoying
BabyTearzXoXo [10:17 PM]: rood
BabyTearzXoXo [10:17 PM]: insensible
BabyTearzXoXo [10:17 PM]: cocksucker
vcxwvcxww [10:17 PM]: rood ? what does it mean ?
BabyTearzXoXo [10:17 PM]: hoe
BabyTearzXoXo [10:17 PM]: slut
BabyTearzXoXo [10:17 PM]: bitch
vcxwvcxww [10:17 PM]: no i'm not insensible
vcxwvcxww [10:17 PM]: nor a cocksucker
BabyTearzXoXo [10:17 PM]: i kant think of enymore right now
vcxwvcxww [10:17 PM]: ok do you feel better
BabyTearzXoXo [10:17 PM]: no
vcxwvcxww [10:17 PM]: so continue
BabyTearzXoXo [10:18 PM]: slut
BabyTearzXoXo [10:18 PM]: bitch
BabyTearzXoXo [10:18 PM]: cocksucker
BabyTearzXoXo [10:18 PM]: gay ass
BabyTearzXoXo [10:18 PM]: faggot
BabyTearzXoXo [10:18 PM]: tramp
BabyTearzXoXo [10:18 PM]: hore
BabyTearzXoXo [10:18 PM]: annoying
vcxwvcxww [10:18 PM]: please don't be mean with gay people
vcxwvcxww [10:18 PM]: what is the problem if they want to fuck each other trhoug ass
BabyTearzXoXo [10:18 PM]: fingersucking mutherfucking GAY ass faggot who has no prespetive of the world and who annoys lil 12 year olds!!!!
BabyTearzXoXo [10:19 PM]: i hate u
BabyTearzXoXo [10:19 PM]: bye
BabyTearzXoXo [10:19 PM]: im not even supposto be talking to u
vcxwvcxww [10:21 PM]: perspective of the world ? i have a perspective of universe
vcxwvcxww [10:21 PM]: we will die and the wind will continue blowing
BabyTearzXoXo [10:21 PM]: like ur ass?
BabyTearzXoXo [10:21 PM]: wwwwoooowww
BabyTearzXoXo [10:21 PM]: im not talking to strangers ever again.
vcxwvcxww [10:22 PM]: you a racist ?
BabyTearzXoXo [10:22 PM]: how am I a racist?
BabyTearzXoXo [10:22 PM]: yes
BabyTearzXoXo [10:22 PM]: actioally
BabyTearzXoXo [10:22 PM]: against people being mean to people
BabyTearzXoXo [10:22 PM]: ha
BabyTearzXoXo [10:23 PM]: I kant talk to you im way beyond this.
vcxwvcxww [10:24 PM]: i thought you hated everyone
vcxwvcxww [10:25 PM]: you can't be a racist
BabyTearzXoXo [10:26 PM]: yes im a racist
BabyTearzXoXo [10:26 PM]: .
BabyTearzXoXo [10:27 PM]: im not a good lier**
vcxwvcxww [10:27 PM]: i love you
BabyTearzXoXo [10:27 PM]: but im telling u da truth right now. IM A MAN
vcxwvcxww [10:27 PM]: hahaha
vcxwvcxww [10:27 PM]: ya you could be
BabyTearzXoXo [10:27 PM]: honostlly
BabyTearzXoXo [10:27 PM]: I am
BabyTearzXoXo [10:27 PM]: I sent a pic of my cuzin
vcxwvcxww [10:28 PM]: youre not a good liar
BabyTearzXoXo [10:28 PM]: im not a good lier. tahs true
BabyTearzXoXo [10:28 PM]: but i kant lie to u know
BabyTearzXoXo [10:28 PM]: im honostlly a boy im 17 years old
BabyTearzXoXo [10:29 PM]: so m sorry for lieng to u ina beggining
BabyTearzXoXo [10:29 PM]: im*
BabyTearzXoXo [10:29 PM]: I jus kant keep this lie up no more
BabyTearzXoXo [10:29 PM]: it makes my blud boil knowing I kept this from u
vcxwvcxww [10:30 PM]: id'like to visit tchernobyl with you
vcxwvcxww [10:30 PM]: or any area with rotten people everywhere
BabyTearzXoXo [10:30 PM]: you dont balieve that im a man??
vcxwvcxww [10:30 PM]: no
BabyTearzXoXo [10:30 PM]: I promise u
BabyTearzXoXo [10:31 PM]: usually I would lie to you but this is my last words
BabyTearzXoXo [10:31 PM]: im fucking seriouse.
BabyTearzXoXo [10:31 PM]: my real name is charls bronson
vcxwvcxww [10:32 PM]: noooooooo
vcxwvcxww [10:32 PM]: are you ?
BabyTearzXoXo [10:32 PM]: yessssssss
vcxwvcxww [10:32 PM]: but why do you do all this ?
BabyTearzXoXo [10:32 PM]: to make fun of you.
vcxwvcxww [10:33 PM]: you're a true sadist i can tell you
BabyTearzXoXo [10:33 PM]: sadist?
BabyTearzXoXo [10:34 PM]: so u still wanna have sex?
vcxwvcxww [10:34 PM]: i don't wanna have sex
vcxwvcxww [10:35 PM]: i told you i just love you
BabyTearzXoXo [10:35 PM]: but im a man
BabyTearzXoXo [10:35 PM]: ur gay?
vcxwvcxww [10:35 PM]: no
BabyTearzXoXo [10:35 PM]: so am I!!
BabyTearzXoXo [10:38 PM]: soooooooo
vcxwvcxww [10:41 PM]: do you go somewhere for holidays ?
BabyTearzXoXo [10:42 PM]: yes the strip club
vcxwvcxww [10:42 PM]: come on
BabyTearzXoXo [10:42 PM]: honostlly
BabyTearzXoXo [10:42 PM]: im being totally honos with you
BabyTearzXoXo [10:44 PM]: an u be honost with me now?
BabyTearzXoXo [10:44 PM]: you really think im a bad lier beauze my mom said so too
vcxwvcxww [10:45 PM]: ya you're a bad liar i think that's cute
BabyTearzXoXo [10:45 PM]: wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
BabyTearzXoXo [10:45 PM]: im actioally
BabyTearzXoXo [10:45 PM]: an awsome lier
BabyTearzXoXo [10:45 PM]: becauze im a girl
BabyTearzXoXo [10:45 PM]: got u there,
BabyTearzXoXo [10:45 PM]: hahahahahahahahaha
vcxwvcxww [10:46 PM]: nooo
BabyTearzXoXo [10:46 PM]: wowz
27 Jun 2004 mdcracker why, hellooo ya'll!!
when you are suicidal whatever you do, don't suddenly become relgious!! I've got nothing against suicide but religion is the most fucked-up bullshit in the world. Seriously, it contradicts itself, it's irrational, it's distorted by human behaviour, and there's about 10 billion of them! Think about it: there's are billions of different religions and each religion has followers who truely beleive in that religion. Take the towel-heads for example. They beleive in it so strongly that they kill themselves just to get to heaven. And so with that in mind, if each of the ten billion different religions only believes in one god, then 99.999% of all of them my be wrong. Why THE FUCK should you believe some Christian because he says he's right and THEY'RE wrong?!! Perhaps there is a god, but there sure as shit isn't any religion. As if someone so perfect (which he would have to be) would create something so completely faulted and hypercritical as the bible and modern (and past) Christianity. Like the inquisition, that was in the name of god. So what the fuck? has his name changed so much in 400 years? I doubt it. Anyway the point of this is to say don't let your state of mind allow you to be convinced into a religion. It's so damn wrong how the religious people pray on depressed people. And they do, as far as my personal experience goes.
26 Jun 2004 Apollo Smile Just for the record, the haven all memes depend on reaching is the human mind, but a human mind is itself an artifact created when memes restructure a human brain in order to make it a better habitat for memes.

“We are built as gene machines and cultured as meme machines, but we have the power to turn against our creators. We, alone on earth, can rebel against the tyranny of the selfish replicators.”
~Zuzanna Kasz
26 Jun 2004 Mackellar Just for the record, waking up on drugs in a morgue with your pubic hair shaved and some sharp plastic thing shoved up your penis doesn't necessarily make you a real artist.
26 Jun 2004 Elena Dariusz? Are you out there?
I have had fitful sleep for several nights now. Sunday morning around 6:30 after working on music all night, I went outside and walked around the garden until 7:40 a.m. I put out a new birdseed in the feeder that I see from my kitchen window called Hot Meats which contains peppers. I had not realized that birds enjoy hot peppers. The light was so beautiful early this morning. I looked around in amazement at how beautiful my land is and how lush and private the grounds around the house are this time of year. I have a lot of memories here. I have been working on music every night and doing my best to keep a clear head and not make more mistakes in judgment. I made a reckless mistake in recent history. I made an impulsive decision based on my fairy tale belief in Romance instead of clinical logic. It was not in my best interest to have succumbed to my passion and the lesson I hope I learned is to have the discipline to contain that drive and that desire and not let desire cloud my thinking. I realize now just how much the childhood fantasy tales Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella and such have an impact on women's lives. How many of us believe in Prince Charming and being rescued by a man?

The new version of ... ME ... has been in construction and is coming soon. DISCIPLINE


26 Jun 2004 Elena If there is one thing I can say with conviction that I have learned in my life, it is that you can ultimately only count on yourself. Sometimes I reflect on all of the wasted time and energy resulting from the projects/ activities/romantic involvements/etc with which I have become entangled thus far. Now in my life, I find that I am again missing male energy. I love the beautiful male anatomy and being close to a man is joyous. Yet men have always been shy around me and I have always been in the position of the pursuer. Sometimes I am comfortable with being without a lover and other times, I miss having a lover. I am still looking for great romance. I am still wondering if I will find it. With all of the things in life a woman could give their energy to, I still see the desire in me.
Is this my downfall ??
26 Jun 2004 Rain you are all teenagers and we all get the feeling to comit suicide but whats the point life does get better no matter how much you think it wont it does i can garentee you
26 Jun 2004 Crystal there is no best way to kill yourself.. dont you teens realize at out age its important to feel suicial cause we all have some story or another with a good enough reason to kill ourselves but whats the point you going ot show the world you werent strong enuogh to deal with yuor shit for a couple more years i know it seems long and i get the feeling for comitting suicide once and awhile but im a teen EVERY TEEN gets the feeling of suicide and almost every teen tried it but VERY RARE a teen suceeds... go to this site it may help you i made it and had helped many other people so just dont give up " The best things in life are worth waiting for" never forget those words...
26 Jun 2004 R S Butterfly i aint under 13 anymore but i have bin an on/off suicidal, why im not dead is 'cause last time i was wasted and drugged up my old friends now people who hate me took down my fresh-built noose, i've overdosed am illion times still do like every second day doesn't kill me but its worth a try im hoping someday i won't wake-up not that i sleep much but 3 hours is long enough to die right? my 'girlfriend' messed around with some guy at some party and she expects me to be calm i already feel like shit all the time, now we have daily arguments about mr tommy, i hope he dies, i hope alot of people do but i shouldn't it's probably somehow my fault, everyone hates me now-a-days, and my 'girl-friend' seems to like me less and less, life sucks shit.
26 Jun 2004 kate It is funny to think that on this tiny planet this species called human eats breathes and feels for no apparent reason at all.
Religion that promises happiness for a gamble, and having many slot machines that say enter your quarter here, time, talent and treasure, and you will win an afterlife, all saying the same thing, leaves all of us right back where we started, useless and alone. Because they can’t all be winners, there wouldn’t be so many casinos if there is “only one that leads the true way”.
I also think that when anyone leaves the humongous machine of society that we are all in, to think for themselves, they fall right down into that pit of easy way out called suicide because they don’t know what to do with themselves, they don’t “feel of use” (Cider House Rules)
I have sacrificed everything I have wanted so I could baby-sit my boyfriend going through manic depression, schizophrenia, and masochism. This also means happiness too. In the process I have left all chance of escape to go back to that comfortable world of having others make my decisions, behind me. Life isn’t easy anymore, and I made that decision for him… I guess being a recovering catholic, martyrdom appealed to me. I spent five months carrying him through his worst time, when he would come home from work, buy a couple of forties, drive away from his parent’s house, and drink by himself until he would blackout up the street. He then would come back home and cut himself. Sometimes he would show me the scabs under his handkerchiefs, sometimes he wouldn’t. He would call me every two to three days for sex, and when I would talk to him about the way he was treating me, he would talk to me of suicide.
Every time I would beg for him to not to slit his throat, for me and for him.. I told him the usual, that he was being selfish. I told him that he should talk to someone, and I would cry and flip out for him, a big dramatic act until he had his fill of attention, and then he would finish the cycle hanging up on me so I would call him back and make sure he hadn’t hurt himself.
One day I couldn’t do it anymore. I was making him worse. He was getting weaker and weaker in his decisions with no consequences, and I was carrying him on my back. So I told him. He was so full of his self pity that there wasn’t any room for me anymore in his life. That making the choice to kill yourself or not to is a day by day choice you have to make, not once and its over, and that HE was going to have to weigh things out and make those choices himself. He hung up and I didn’t call him back. I wrenched at myself, crying at work and tearing myself to pieces for him.
That night he talked to me over the computer and told me he had a sawed off shotgun. I told him this time it was his decision. He signed off and I called his parents. His mom asked if I had any more information because she was committing him to a psych-center, and I said no.
The next night the emo-of a boy wrote in his live journal, like any person craving negative attention. He wrote anonymously to me that he had been committed and he would miss my birthday. His indie friends would all wonder who this girl was, and comment like they were a part of it, you could tell they had no clue and didn’t care, just wanted to be a part of the action.
On Saturday he called and said I had saved his life, that he didn’t shoot the gun but went downstairs and told his parents, and when he was taking a shower, blacked out and cut himself too deep, was rushed in to ER, and checked in for 24 hour evaluation.
Visiting him was like being underwater, it was raining that day and I was in shock still. I had written enough to prepare myself for the worst, but seeing his mother struggle with him like I had been doing, arguing and pleading, shocked me until I was submersed. I had started smoking a month before to deal with the headaches, and although I didn’t want to smoke in front of his mother, joined him in smoking a cigarette on the psyche-ward’s patio.
He has slowly come out of it, and it had been like watching one of those movies you know, where the shell shocked soldier comes home from the war to his sweetheart, but you and she knows that the situation has changed, he has changed, and this terrible sadness will always be there.
A year has past and I think the scariest part about this is crying myself to sleep at night listening to my parents argue, and then ten years later hear my boyfriend and I having the same argument. All for the sake of "love"? ...
No, because neither of us can cope with changing our lifestyle. These cycles humans tend to put themselves in keep them running in circles around this earth, looping and weaving like the planets and tides and geometric patterns found in nature itself never get us anywhere but keep us living.
In a perfect world I could go live like an Indian, today that would be called going homeless. If I had to hunt for my food everyday, build myself a shelter, and find a mate to try to talk to and communicate with I wouldn’t have time to think about suicide. And the thing is, Indians made up for their loneliness by giving trees and animals “spirits”.
Conformity is always going to be among us, even conforming to the idea that you want to be different. Being unique is the only way out of it, and anyone that is finding it hard to fit in with where they are placed, I salute you. You were born with a gift and a different way of thinking. That isn’t a bad thing, all you have to do is have a horrible ego and you could turn into an artist, just add some type of creativity in there somewhere.
Interaction with people is going grow, with cell phones and overpopulation, but the truth is human beings are lonely; they are meant to be lonely and always will be. No God, no religion, no cycle can fix that.
“Make it all end because I can’t fit in”, doesn’t cut it for me. I struggle with suicide everyday, but I don’t give in. Those illiterate assholes that comment here, calling you “pussy”, etc, have struck a chord but for the wrong reasons and in the wrong way. It is a decision, and a lot of people go through it. All adults do.
If you have the strength to consider suicide, then you have the strength to fight it. It’s a Catch 22. Exercise writing out the reasons why you would want to commit suicide, the fact is, you will find a good solution to all of them if you try hard enough. There is this weird balance to life, where every irrational number, every problem, is paired with a rational solution. Make that the filler, the drive to get you out of this. There is a solution, and struggling to find it is going to get you out of the drowning hole, slowly filling up with water.
This works for me, and hopefully it works for you. Talking about it so you don’t have to hide like a lowlife and actually understand that others go through this crap everyday is a step. I mean, look at this website? Pretty crazy others are as attention craving as you huh?
Well, right now I have to go break up with this boy who has put me in a position to act against my own morals and what I deserve. It is going to be hard, but I will gain so much from this experience, maybe one more lesson that makes living battling suicidal tendancies a little easier.

26 Jun 2004 Giving_advice I have to say that one thing that has appauled me is alot of people stating that it is impossible to go through shit by the time you are 13. True, I have never been someone who has considered suicide as an option, but when I was 10, I lost both my parents in a car accident. Due to the nature of my parent's marriage, both of their families had disowned them! As a result, I found myself living with people who didnt even care that I existed. I am now 17 and trying to make the most of what is left of my life, and am happy that the worst is over.
But to clarify, the years after the death of my parents were complete hell, and I pulled through. It is possible for children to have a hard time too. I even recently had to have an operation, as I had a tumour, with no support given by my 'family'. I'm still here.
I agree that suicide is THE most SELFISH thing that you can do! you will ALWAYS have someone who cares about you-no matter what! can you imagine how it would make you feel if they were thinking the same thoughts as you?

The best way I can put it is that it's your life, and you have every right to star in it.
25 Jun 2004 billy the freak i sat in my lonely apartment staring at the clock for what seemed an eternity, but in all actuality i was only seventeen minutes i know because i was looking at the clock. i then decided i needed some excitement so i would travel up the steps of the apartment complex to the tippy top floor to see an old friend. however, i needed to be quiet becuase on the very next floor my landady miss thatchet sat watching daytime television. i don't have her rent money and i don't plan on having it till next month and i just don't want to deal with the confrontation, so i will tip toe up the steps. when i came to the front of miss thatchet's door i heard the tv blaring the words JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
SHE'S A WHORE! SHE'S A WHORE! and came to the conclusion she was watching that trash jerry springer. TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF! only ignorent people could watch that show and be entertained. then i thought of miss thatchet and realized it makes sence. i thought i was home free when i passed her door and started up the steps. i got a little lax and wasn't paying attention. i stepped on the biggest cockroach i had ever seen. with a loud pop it's yellow guts hit the wall.
the next thing i heard was the voice of the devil. i was caught.
"billy you little punk!" she hissed through lips that held a non-filter kool.
"do you got my money? i tell from looking at you you ain't got my money you look pathetic that's how i know.
i found in these situation i is just best to agree withe her.
"yes miss thatchet i am pathetic and i don't have your money. i'll have it next month."
her eyes widened. her lip quivered.
"you will have it next month or you will have new locks on the door and all your shit will be in my storage untill i get my fucking money!" she must have strained her vocal chords with that last display of verbal assult becuase she started to cough. little specs of spit hit my face and her cigarette hit the floor.
"do yo hear me?" she stomped the cigarette out with her bare foot.
"yes ma'am." i gulped.
"now go up there and see your little bitch girlfriend." she slammed the door in my face.
i climbed the steps to the top floor and looked at the sign on the door.

25 Jun 2004   Do you want to kill yourself or do you just want the pain to stop?

It has been my experience, that I have not felt able to cope with my problems, and simply wanted them to stop.

I really hate people who say it is the cowards way out. I have contemplated it many times, and tried it a couple. The reality is it is not an easy thing to do, there are so many considerations. Will it even work or will it just leave my life more screwed up than before? It takes a hell of a lot to do it, and I am sure that in nearly all cases, the person has not been able to see any other alternative what-so-ever.

I still feel suicidal from time to time, but get through it.

I would urge you emphatically to try to talk to someone, anyone. I belive that you will be surprised wih how people react.

If you really dont feel able to talk to anyone, than I suggest you try to change your life, and your feeling will follow suit.

Life is a constantly changing thing, I have had extreme highs (more money and friends than I have known what to do with), and extreme lows when I have been suicidal. The one thing I have found is that whatever you are currently experiencing, your life will change. It will go good, and it will go bad.

You are in charge of you, and you are responsible for you. Please just try to make a change.
24 Jun 2004 Plz help me Ive totally fukked up, all my pals h8 me, all over a stupid boy, its pathetic really, but it hurts wen people call u a slappa n a slut n a bike!ive slit my rists a few times but i always end up with a stupid bandage! i hate life and and a certain big mouth i just want to die but i know that some people will miss me.please help me i dnt no what to do!!!!:(
24 Jun 2004   Ive totally fukked up, all my pals h8 me, all over a stupid boy, its pathetic really, but it hurts wen people call u a slappa n a slut n a bike!ive slit my rists a few times but i always end up with a stupid bandage! i hate life and and a certain big mouth i just want to die but i know that some people will miss me.please help me i dnt no what to do!!!!:(

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