|Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.|
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?
Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
|19 Oct 2004||You Suck||Since your site got posted on SomethingAwful I suppose that you're pretty pissed off. That's cool. I hope you get so pissed off that you do top yourself. Probably it would be a good thing. I hope there aren't many people who come across this site who actually need help, or who are actually thinking about dying voluntarily. It's sad that there's the possibility that they'll seek help and find ridicule.|
|19 Oct 2004||President Bobo of the SSSS agency||I would like to inform you all that the process of reviving Lucy Cortina has begun. We were unable to locate her nipples, so decided to use the caps from 2 Cola bottles. However, we have encountered a bizarre problem. Her breasts were filled with air once again, but then proceeded to inflate and deflate - up and down. Sometimes they inflate so much that we fear they may burst. We believe her breasts may have encountered a timewarp and are re-living the many stages that Lucy went though in her previous life. So, provided her breasts never actually burst, we should be safe. If anyone is aware of the full details of Lucy's Expansion Years, please let us know.
As always, we will keep you informed of the results. And thank you again Mouchette, we shall deliver Lucy to your offices in Amsterdam once she is in full working order.
|19 Oct 2004||OmfOmf||You'll die soon enough|
|19 Oct 2004||Samuel Backett||read Finnegans Wake by James Joyce and lament a species that would publish such filth.
Jesus cries for people, unfortunatly you don't qualify. Unfortunatly Jesus isn't real, he's a simple pole in a complex plane.
I blame Diablo 2 for causing me to defeat Diablo with a level 28 Necromancer on normal difficulty... no foolin'
Peace out dawg
|19 Oct 2004||Will Snow||Well, i managed to sleep another night at the B+B. Ohhh my landlord has someone that is ill that is below me. He told me yesterday that it is no concern of his and when the time comes he will call the undertaker. I thought to myself 'how cold you are'. I just hope he has the same sympathy when he is ill!!|
|19 Oct 2004||The person who is helping you||Kill yourself, go ahead, why not? do it! Slit your wrist, oh but that hurts too much, hang yourself, oh but what if you were found before you died? swallow a bottle of sleep pills, seems peaceful... but you might feel horribly sick and in pain before you die, jump off a building? yeah... hmm you look like crap after you die, so heres to you, the girl/boy whatever the hell you are, who wants to kill yourself, do it, but stop "asking for advice" and just do it, if i don't see you dead in the obituaries, then i'll get someone to kill you k? good!|
|19 Oct 2004||No||O.D.ing on laxatives would be a shitty way to die. Ba-Dum-Bum! You'd pretty much shit out everything until it was blood and acids. Don't do this. Don't kill yourself at all. Me saying this isn't telling anyone how to kill themselves. Anyone intelligent enough to read this is intelligent enough to figure out a million other ways to kill themselves. Besides, only about 1% of pill attempted suicides succeed. Be a sport though, and stick it out for your parents, friends, and for our national suicide rate. It's embarassingly high.|
|19 Oct 2004||Josef Friedrich Lechner||Find a high place and jump head first. This is usually guaranteed to work and pretty easy to accomplish. It also shows everybody that you were actually serious about ending this and not just some faggot looking for attention by doing something like swallowing a bunch of aspirin then calling the hospital right away--oh wait, I just browsed some other parts of this site; do the pills thing.|
|19 Oct 2004||its a secret||Me? I've come up with all sorts of ways, especially since I was pretty close to it myself. But then i realized i'd be an asshole for hurting everyone around me, making them wonder, "what did i do wrong?" See, the people who should feel guilty wouldn't (such a those who teased me in school daily till i was in tears and in the principals office), but then the people who tried to help, like mah mummy, would feel horrible the rest of their lives... well, other reasons too.. but you don't want to hear that, you want to know how to kill yourself?
1) marathon reading. Attempt to read a whole series of books, or a huge book like the unabriged war and peace without stopping to eat, go potty, drink or sleep... IF YOU CAN! Bonus for toxic shock due to not going to the toilet!
Kit includes: one authors entire writings or a whole series, duct tape to stop mouth from consuming liquid
2)Death by teady rumpskien. You remember teddy, don't you? the talking bear that would tell you stories and blow if you put an aerosmith tape in him? well, how about the nostalgia of childhood innocence eating away at your very angsty body? How? A mean metal set of teeth, not too far off from the braces look, only a bit more evil... and Simply find a tape with the apporopriate speed, set the bear up next to an artery of yours, and let innocence take you away!
kit includes 1 teddy rumpskien with metal mouth piece, removable if you like.
3)Death by an old woman. Well, no, he didn't die, but he lost something else to an old lady... anyway, try the "Harold and Maude" suicide kit, and try a few of those on for size!
Kit includes: VHS/DVD (specify preference) of "harold and maude," maniquine and remote explosives, katana with retractable blade, and fake blood. does not include rich, unattentive mother or herse.
hope that helps. i suggest for you, little boy, watch harold and maude, its a good time to which you might relate (minus maude, but she may come sometime for you, so don't give up)
|19 Oct 2004||God||I don't care how you do it. Just fucking kill yourself anyhow. If you've come this far, just realise that nobody really cares about your problems and if you're doing this as a 'cry for help', you're an attention-whore' and nobody likes an attention whore.
So put on some Linkin Park and slit your goddamned wrists all ready, Hot Topic Poser.
|19 Oct 2004||Angela||How about you let yourself get a little older and wait for the hormones to stop raging inside of you? Maybe when that happens, you'll get some sense knocked into you. At least, I hope your parents give you a good whack when they find this website. I'm sure they will. You're obviously not that smart about it.|
|19 Oct 2004||theroyalnonesuch||Obviously, if you want to kill yourself when you are thirteen, you are going to want to involve as much wallowing, self-pitying, and attention getting as humanly possible.
First, you need razor blades for the token, "I tried to slit my wrists and take my life, but really only made a red welt" deal. Actually, on second thought, just throw in some rubber bands and a red pen.
Secondly, you need a re-fillable fountain pen and some anti-coagulates so that you will be able to write letters to your best friend in blood.
Thirdly, you need a bunch of trashy fashion magazines so you can develop an eating disorder, just for good measure. Also, some gallon-sized ziploc bags so you can leave bags of vomit sitting around for your old sister and mother to find.
Then you need some dashboard confessional and mae. You put the dashboard in your significant other's locker along with a bloody love note. Then, put the mae in your discman, and swallow the entire month of your mother's birthcontrol pills and use your puking and crying skills to show off to all the cool kids during passing period.
It's sure to put on a good show.
|19 Oct 2004||Dylan||..im 16 iv tried to kill myself, i almost did it, i took the pills, but my folks came home, i could feel the warm blancket of death surround me, i felt it comfort me and take me away,i wish i had died. But i was taked away from the warmth, i felt it,so comforting, so delicate. now i feel the shroud call to me from beyond the grave|
|19 Oct 2004||seth||take about 20 acetaminophens (tylenol) this will completely stop your liver from functioning and kill you.|
|19 Oct 2004||mike||SEPPUKU!
Step 1 Get a frisbee from the store or friend.
Step 2 Clean the Frisbee.
Step 3 Make sure your parents aren’t around
Step 4 Put something slippery on it, like butter or cream.
Step 5 Get really super pissed.
Step 6 Fold the Frisbee hard (this is crucial)
Step 7 Keep folded and insert Frisbee into mouth hard.
Step 8 Push hard until you can’t see it.
Step 9 Wait.
Step 10 Die.
For more information, refer to:
|19 Oct 2004||Mike||Seppuku is totally the best way to go.
One time I saw this ninja totally shame family by chopping some dude's head, who was really the president. Then he did the Seppuku thing, and my brother and I were like SSSWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTT!!!!!
The only thing to remember is not to flinch. Otherwise you bring shame to family
|19 Oct 2004||Bob||Any way you can. Haven't you heard? It's a big conspiracy, no one loves you. You'll be much happier when you're dead. People will only understand you, and how complex your emotions are, when you're dead. They'll all be sorry if you kill yourself, hands will join across the world. You know what to do.|
|19 Oct 2004||Amy||listen up, kiddo. if you're angst ridden enough to be thinking about suicide at 12, then you're probably enrolled in your school's gifted program. that means you'll get this, so pay attention. NOTHING MATTERS. see, your physical reality is composed of infinitely small particles which add up to make the infinitely large (universes, galaxies, etc). we are somewhere in the middle, being made of infinitely small and contributing to infinitely large. in short, EVERYTHING that happens on this planet is completely inconsequential, including you and your life. so, it doesn't matter what you do, because it's not even a blip on the radar in the REALLY big picture. so, live for yourself, do things that make you happy, and try to enlighten youself. take aikedo classes, read a book about non duality. these things will help you gain knowledge. killing yourself is a WASTE OF TIME because you can't really die. the infinitely small that compose your physical reality will just end up composing something else, and your conscious reality (aka your soul), which is made of the same infinitely small, will also continue to exist, just maybe in another form. so, chill out, life really does get better, and stop worrying so much, because NOTHING MATTERS. so just try to learn all you can while you're here.|
|19 Oct 2004||Get over it||This is a pathetic plea for attention but I'll bite. Get over it. I don't care what the fuck has happened in your life but guaranteed, that and worse has happened to someone else. Seriously there shouldn't be any complaints from the little brats living in 1st-2nd world countries. All over the world there are children fucking fighting to stay alive everyday with no real future to look forward to while rich little goth pricks sitting talk about how life sucks so much while they eat 3+ meals a day and have running water, a house, and electricity. Oh but depression is sooo bad I'm suffering you say? Get a shrink millions of depression sufferers have done it, what's your problem? I really don't care what your issues are, they are none that justify killing yourself. So stop with the bullshit pleas for attention and stop wasting peoples time.|
|19 Oct 2004||crazycarl||go to the very top of the Sears tower. Tie one end of a VERY long rope to the top, and the other end to your penis. jump off. after a couple stories down, you wont mind hitting the ground as much.|