Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

Nom/email
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
18 Jan 2006 sas look if you look at it this way:
1. how is there a god
2. when your dead your dead, there is no heaven, a long blank dream, can u remmber 1700's? or maybe the 1300's? exacly it was all non-existant. thats what you will be feeling when you commit suicide, think about that, dont waste it, wait until the day comes. and then have the long blank dream for eternity. wasting at 13 means wasting 13 years. your parents having to feed you, water you and love you, now your going to do this for them, they are going to be so proud of you, not!
at least live some more of your life and see what the results are then before handling with thi type of situations. if your one of those poeple "oh, they got 5 dollars more than me, im gunna go hang myself" that is what most of the problems are, little things like that. so the desicion is up to you. (ps desicion is spelt wrong)
18 Jan 2006 sacha l'ennuie
18 Jan 2006 anon a blender
18 Jan 2006 real girl Why do i want to die........no reason just want too make the best of it and die when i choose to, not when i have to. Lifes a bitch and then you will die....so suck it up people. You wont ever get another chance lifes a bitch and then you will die..........perfectly true words kill yourself if you can and fuck the rest of the world............go get high and drink till your not you anymore then who knows this message is aload of bollocks..............am i making any sense atol?????? No no no no no im not why why..........ill tell you why.................im sick in the head and wont ever want to be a rational normal person...........life is a bitch............for me atleast..........but what can i do about it?

Nothing i have you know nothing i say............life is what you make of it is my mothers famous saying........dont really like the saying but what can i do?? She ses she knows best and that i wont ever have the guts to kill myself..........maybe she is just hoping and praying and wishing and laughing at me...............who knows...........dose anyone???

No i didnt think so i dont know.................so why would she or anyone else, this message has gone to pot.....fuck it and fuck her and fuck them all ill decide its my life and my choice and ill say what i do and when i die!!!!!!!
18 Jan 2006 Jane Calvert go somewere it is quit and take lots of pills. if that doesn't work drown yourself. Or slit your wrists and not live for a change
18 Jan 2006 Kurt Cobain My shotgun is in my mouth right now and in a few minutes my computer will be covered in blood and brains. Life is Shit, Bye
18 Jan 2006 tabby hi im 19 and ive been suicidal for a number of years im a cutter along with the type of person to do TOO many drugs in an attempt to take my life....ive tried to be happier and it doesnt work...i have many reasons to want to die and none of them is greater than the other...i want to kill myself right now because i feel like a complete loser i feel like anthing i do is wrong and all i do is bring people pain...which has be reenforced to me by my room mate who unknowingly makes me feel like im the reason for all of his problems...all i have to say to anyone who thinks about suicide is look for help if that doesnt work find a friend to talk to and when that doesnt work think about me....ive made it to nineteen and as much as i hate it i prolly wont live to see 20 BUT if you are gonna kill yourself make sure you had your fun first
17 Jan 2006 John Aids!
17 Jan 2006 Louise you have to get to the point where you have been ignored by your parents ( they think you are going through a stage, and that it would pass) not only that that you are rocking uncontrollably insilence.. by that time you figured theres no better way to kill youself then chuck youself in some water and let and live wire sizzle your brain , there enjoy.

then afterwards they find an audio tape next to the both room sink saying how you hated everything and wished that it would die causing emotional scaring for your parents and ruining their lives. There you go a hole in two.
17 Jan 2006 ARi you know what perplexes me? why the hell would you sell sea shells by the seahore. i mean its not a very good place to market that type of product you know. its all about location. you can just go walk on the seashore and pick up ur own seashells. sally is a dumb ass.

and wtf is a didle didle. i mean i know what a cat and a fiddle is. and how can a cow jump so freakin high. i mean thru the atmosphere thru the statusphere thru space... where there is no air to breath and they dont make space suits for cows. for monkeys yes but not cows. i mean it takes nasa like a week and a half to send folks over the moon. so those would be some awesome calfs. and i dont mean baby cows, i mean muscles. maybe if it was early in the night and the moon was low on the horizon and a cow ran up a hill and jumped over and bucked in mid air. ok i can see that happening but whats the chance of that?
17 Jan 2006 The Uncola Very boring site. Everyone has the same problems and no one ever follows through. Well I must say that is a good thing. As far as I know, the only one who ever did kill himslef was Flamer, but that was only symbolically. Not a lot has changed here. There's still the occasional funny thought, like Cobain's pet fish Gossam. Though there have been many painfully unfunny attempts to make someone crack a smile such as the Religious Maggie bits. I personally don't think Lucy Cortina is that funny either, but some do and that is their opinion. The question always lingers on my mind though as to the point of the "Suicide Kit". Will it ever be made? Will it incorporate elements that have been suggested here? And will it actually be sold to preteens?
Of course I know that it is really a bogus piece of work, but its fun to play along sometimes. And from time to time we all see the many who will complain about Mouchette (who has done nothing wrong except email people junk), and others will try to send advice to those who come looking for an ear to their troubles. It is easy to write off these people and call them silly, but that isn't what we should do. They wouldn't talk about suicidal thoughts if they really were dead set (lol "dead set") on killing themselves. They want help, and we shouldn't patronize them for it. And neither should you, Mouchette, let them be patronized.
I like popcorn.
I really must reveal my intentions now. I am only writing this in hopes of making the longest post ever on Mouchette's painfully boring message board. Come on people!!! Some of you really could use to lighten up a little more often and give us some good stuff to read. And for you the suicidals, we don't have to hear how you are depressed over nothing, just tell us how you fell and we'll try to help. we don't need the bland details of you sitting on your bed depressed because the light blew out. If you actually have personal problems that are making you think the way you do then please say them, but if you are just depressed because you can be, spare us the details. Don't get me wrong though. I'm not saying I won't help, I'm just saying you should really keep it to yourself or people will ridicule you and you will feel worse. Please don't be angered by this.
Flamer is probably dead. I think he commited suicide shortly after he was ran off. It would make sense though, after all this was the only place he felt welcome. Religious Maggie should be dead too, because he was a poor comedian that only used offensive material that wasn't funny to anyone. Lucy's not dead I assume, as to the fact that she recently posted I think. Although like I said I don't really like her brand of comedy, someone must like it. Please people, if you are gonna do something funny, think before you post.
Think back to the lessons of Bloodninja.
There is an island somewhere. and on this island is every great musician that died in the past 50 years. Tupac walking beside Frank Sinatra, and Elvis singing with Jimi Hendrix on guitar. Even Cobain's brain is there in a jar (he doesn't talk or play guitar, not like anyone would want him to). Jim Morrison is there, George Harrison, John Lennon, Cliff Burton, and even Johny Cash. Black Michael Jackson has taken solitude there, and so did Biggie. Janis Joplin is there and would be the only woman if not for Mama Cass.
If this is still being read right now, I would like to say thank you for keeping with this instead of reading 2 sentences then assumin I suck. My intention is for the best of people.
Here's a sample from the Reverend: SPERMAL ABUSE
Current mood: optimistic


THOSE FUCKING MICE WON'T TRY TO REVOLT AGAINST ME ANYMORE!!!! THEY WERE SHOWN SOME SWIFT DISCIPLINE AND SHRAPNEL FOR THEIR TROUBLES!!!!! THE REBELION OF THE MICE IS OVER!!!!!


As you can tell, an uprising of mice was vanquished today by our Special Stealth Gunnery 5th Battalion of Radiated Fraternal Police Toads. They fought bravely, and some even died to the mice. As a result today is now declared TOAD SMASH MOUSE day. Also I outlawed spermal abuse today. Spermal abuse, as you may know, is rampant among men (and some women). It occurs whenever a man throws a used tissue away or in the toilet, when he masturbates in the shower as well. Some women are known to clean themselves with disposable tissue as well. This law will make it to where the sperm must be put to good use when dispersed. Whether it fertilizes, is swallowed, used to annoy your roommate, or in a special wine at a party (I love the joke), it must be used properly. The punishment for unabiding by this law is extraction of the genitals. Everyone remember there is an execution tommorrow, tickets are on sale. It will be held at Chink-cho-cho Stadium in Beijing. Have a good day.


Currently reading:
Mein Kampf
By Adolf Hitler

Well I hope that was enjoyable. I also have one from a great Dungeon Master:
This is Trash's list of things not to right a song about. (Because I'm the fucking genius).

1. Fucking a tranny in the ass, or playing dick swords with one's that uncircumsized.

2. baby-raping (Sorry Stephen Lynch, thats a no-no)

3. Beating black people up in the name of progress

4. yeast infections

5. admitting to being behind the Holocaust

6. A threesome with your son and granny (a.k.a. showing son the ropes on ma')

7. Your mama, trains, being drunk, trucks, prison, and rain

8. being raped by aliens and your daddy

9. cheating on you girlfriend

10. Fish

11. Graveyards in the spring

12. Pimpin, hoes, gangstas, and clubs

13. Dungeon Dave of the Outer Rim

14. Disney movies, shows, and other disney things

15. any song with the word horticulture in it

16. killing, maiming, death, Satan, and blood

17. How big you dick is, how small your dick is, how tight your pussy is, or how loose your pussy is (These are to be said in normal conversation not in a song)

18. Cutting yourself

19. being a badass without the evidence to back it up.

20. breakup songs are always a NO!

Here's another list:
And Now, Josh X's List Of Things To Give To A Girl You Used To Like As A Wedding Gift:

1 Your Brains And Skull Fragment Spewed Down The Chapel Aisle Right IN The Middle Of The Ceremony

2 Your Best Wishes- and then bring up memories of the time she gave you crabs (you must do this one in front of her new husband).

3 A Golden Shower

4 The Child you made After A 3 doors down concert.

5 hell.

6 Some Organ From Any Form Of Livestock (preferable the heart)

7 A Free Brake Removal job to the ride that will be used to get to the honeymoon (must be given on the same day as the wedding or the gift willl lose all value)

8 The Husband-to-be's head in a garbage bag

9 an untraceable phone call every day

10 A cake.

There's very little more I can talk about here. I leave it up to Mouchette whether or not to post this, but know this Mouchette, if you don't I will send the same post everyday until you do.
17 Jan 2006 himself240 Hey does anyone know where to get chrolofom? I need it
17 Jan 2006 Mandy Well, I still think about it, but I don't know that i'd do it, due to damn liability. But if I get pisd enough and it's painless, I'd be tempted.
17 Jan 2006 Lexee Hi everyone my name is Lexee and I am from Connecticut. Okay I have found out 2 day that I have diagnosed wif this mental disorder. And now I know that I am beginning to get very depressed, and suicide seems 2 be a good way out. I DIDNT EVEN KNOW I HAD A MENTAL DISORDER! I thought I was normal.

Ok I dont know how to describe this, but I will try very hard too.

There were times when I was seeing and hearing things that were not really there and when I was actually hearing and seeing things THAT WERE there. But the thing is I couldn't tell the diffrence between my 'hallucinations' and reality. My hallucinations were actually so real and lifelike. Like one thing in my hallucinations my frend was trying 2 commit suicide and I actually belived that, even though it was all in my head, because it was so lifelike.

I even thought others around me were mental, before i knew about my condition and I blamed them for things they didn't even do, but I thought they did them, becauise I saw them doing things in my hallucination like things.

I am now taking medication.
17 Jan 2006 Sarah Jane wrap urself in bubble wrap and suffocate
17 Jan 2006 Maria L Unsafe sex!!
17 Jan 2006 Jessie HI Im am 13 and i havent tried to kill myself yet but i will. I have a plan and everyting is ready. The best way to kill yourself is to overdose on anti-depressants or a bottle of asprine. Do it at kleast 1 hour before you go to bed. That way no one will suspect anything. If you talk suicide or if you hear someone talk suicide you should take it seriously because it is an unvolentary effluiction. YOu cant help. So if you are going to committe suicide do it it my way!. Its easy to get the pills and painless. There your life will be over the only thing that might stop you is the fact that you weill your loved ones. They do care but like always they will get over it.
17 Jan 2006 Mandy Hehe... Mouchette should make a rock band *gives puppy-dog eyes*
17 Jan 2006 Scors.b Mandy! You still thinking about dieing? I thought that was just a tempory thing!

If a gas gets people high, then there is a chance it will kill. But equally likely you could just get brain damage or something, and live. But I don't know what air ro is. If you are talking about deodourant, then the answer is, seriously, no no no no no no.

But you said your life was like a diamond necklace, dropped in the gutter. I read that! They were great words. Are you gonna pick it up?
17 Jan 2006 blow dryin Buy a real heavy cast metal iron anchor, use all your strength to throw it into an ocean, but only one thing, tie the chain around your neck first.

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