|Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.|
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?
Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
|19 Oct 2004||President Bobo of the SSSS agency||I would like to inform you all that the process of reviving Lucy Cortina has begun. We were unable to locate her nipples, so decided to use the caps from 2 Cola bottles. However, we have encountered a bizarre problem. Her breasts were filled with air once again, but then proceeded to inflate and deflate - up and down. Sometimes they inflate so much that we fear they may burst. We believe her breasts may have encountered a timewarp and are re-living the many stages that Lucy went though in her previous life. So, provided her breasts never actually burst, we should be safe. If anyone is aware of the full details of Lucy's Expansion Years, please let us know.
As always, we will keep you informed of the results. And thank you again Mouchette, we shall deliver Lucy to your offices in Amsterdam once she is in full working order.
|14 Sep 2004||Phil||Hmm I wish I was bisexual, but no I'm full-blown gay. Strangely, it doesn't really bother me, as I am already an outcast for my 'other' problems... some guys get suicidal for being gay, but I get suicidal from having mental illness. I wish I was the opposite though. Plus I suppose I may have an obsession with boobies, if Lucy Cortina is anything to go by.|
|01 Sep 2004||President Bobo of the SSSS agency||I can confirm that a booby (sorry, body) was recently discovered, and on my identification of the booby (sorry, body), I found it to be that of one of our SSSS agents, Lucy Cortina. The last news I heard of her was that she and agent Danny had gone missing, and our investigation into their disappearance led us to a cryogenics lab hidden inside Mount Booby (which is incidentally shaped like a booby). We believe that the evil Dr Philville was responsible for this, as he had been hounding Danny and Lucy with death warrants. He is a bit crazy in the head and had recently escaped from a secure mental hospital, and for whatever reasons he had, wanted Lucy dead. He is still at large.
We believe that agent Danny, out of his infinate love for Lucy('s breasts), froze Lucy in the cryogenics lab so that one day, he could return to Mount Booby and bring her back to life. Agent Danny, however, is still mising - presumed dead.
Curiously, we also discovered that Lucy Cortina's right nipple was missing from her breast, and that her breasts had considerably deflated since her 'Expansion' years. We plan to revive Lucy, but as of yet we are unable to do so. This is because of the missing nipple from Lucy's breast. We need to find the nipple ASAP, as Lucy's breasts are continuing to deflate at an alarming rate. It seems that the nipples act as corks - imagine a balloon without anything to stop the air escaping - this is what is happening to Lucy's breasts. Without her breasts, there would be no point reviving Lucy as her primary function in the SSSS agency is to seduce.
If we cannot find her nipple, we shall sell the remains of her breasts on e-bay.
Thank you Mouchette, for allowing me to post this update (and I will speak to you in private later about the millions you will pay for Lucy's breasts, as I know you were somewhat obsessed with her, plus you can afford them unlike some of the paupers around here).
|01 Aug 2004||Phil||*Tut tut*, you don't seem to understand. You see, it's because I have titillated and teased Mouchie for a few years now with Big Breasted Lucy Cortina, and he/she/they (?) still feels a buzz of naughty excitement whenever I am in close proximity.|
|08 May 2004||Felicia The Great||Hello Mouchette, Lucy Cortina, Billy the Weeping Freak, and all the new members...
I have been on hiatus. I really apologize for not coming on this site as often as I should.
But I have a poem for you guys that would give you a thought to ponder.
"An Empty Heart is Filled"
By Felicia A. Floresca
"There is only one way to fill your empty heart. The only way to fill your empty heart is to have LOVE FOR LIFE.
Without LOVE for this ONE LIFE, you feel that nothing around you exists.
You have to realize that each portion of your life, whether good or bad, is a gift in which TIME can no longer take away from you and all this leads to happy or sad memories.
We must allow ourselves by remember this...
...that allowing ourselves by remembering that LOVE FOR LIFE is the epiphany for living for EXISTENCE."
Hang in there folks because "Today is the first day of the rest of your life."
|14 Apr 2004||Ghost of Lucy Cortina (Phil)||I very rarely look at Mouchie's death-kit these days, but I'm glad I do. It was in fact a post by, I think, Elaine, that touched me and prompted me to post on this occasion. I also see and am shocked to learn that my now dead alter-ego, Lucy Cortina, (as if MY big ego would ever die!), is now on the famous users list. Yay! For someone like me, that is like winning 20 lotteries, and American Idol 2.
I am going to leave an email address this time, but before any Lucy booby-stalkers start celebrating, it IS an address that I use very little.
I miss being Lucy Cortina. It was such fun. I loved being inside a girls body. Hang on... that sounds rude. I must stress that I would NEVER want to be inside a poosy.
Not being Lucy anymore is like a starvation. It's like Pavarotti on a diet. Sat at the cafe, and suddenly the phone rings:
"Step away from the chocolate muffin..." (and cake, and cookies, and doughnuts, and fries, and tiramissu, and potato chips...)
Anyway, that's what it's like.
I hear that Lucy's rival, Titney Spears, is doing a suicide, yes a suicide scene in her next music video. How dare she!!! She is stealing all of her ideas from the suicide kit, and most importantly, the now deceased Lucy Cortina! Ok, Britney CAN be sexy, she can have large boobies (since theyre not real anyway), and she can have blonde hair (or red, or black, or whatever colour it currently is...)
But suicide is not her thing - she has never experienced true suicidal hell in all her life. Suicide is OUR realm, not hers.
*As a point of interest, if a man squeezed Britney's fillets, would that be considered as cheating? (since her fillets are not real anyway?)
Ok, I shouldn't push this any longer, so I will end my monthly mouchette visit here. Feel free to email me anyone...
Take care darlings,
|15 Jan 2004||billy the freak||elaine,
can't stop. are you addicted. claim you only dabble in it. well, jump in head first. it feels good. that's why i do it. lucy is still here. a matter of fact i think lucy is still posting, only as someone else. kill the old to make room for the new i always say. maybe lucy was tired of being lucy. maybe she wanted to change her style and felt she couldn't do it with the name lucy cortina, beautiful big breasted lucy cortina. i guess i can say i miss her too. even though we didn't start on the best of terms. well it is a new year and it is time for new things. i am still a slave to my my job. i'm still drinking and doing drugs. i still have sex with many different women. however, i have decided to grow a beard.
your friend billy
|11 Jan 2004||Elaine|| I don't want to kill myself, not really, No. Sometimes all i really need are a few sleeping pills - i can sleep my life away until better times come, because they always do, i Know. And it's days like These that i remember Lucy Cortina and how she made us all laugh and how she helped cry away my tears.
I've been here years and am breaking a precedent - Listening is always so much pleasanter than partaking so I've never before posted. I guess tha'ts how i live my life and I've got now to assume that that's my problem and why days like these bring me down in ways like this.
Billy, i'm glad youre still around some, with Lucy's sudden departure i begin to feel like the rest of the world has moved on past this phase and I'm still stuck here in my sick desperation. I wonder, does she still check in on us?
Life, friends, family, school, strangers opress and judge all the time... this is my haven. Do you realise, my darling Mouchette, the importance of what you have created? I think you say it best yourself in an old post about our dear Lucy...
And as long as Lucy Cortina writes her daily story, I shall want to live one more day to know what she will write next.
... I think this marks the end of my stay on Mouchette.org. Seeing my own words tarnish the thoughts of others is more than I can take. Maybe this is all i need to move on. I am forever raptured, ruptured.
|31 Oct 2003||A friend||Lucy Cortina.
She thought she wanted to die.
But she wanted to kill.
|28 Oct 2003||Felicia||This is a message for Caleb.
Yes, I truly understand why you feel like ending it all, especially under the treachery of cruel people... especially ones that you call family or friends.
As in regards to family, which is the most draining, you feel that you are the black sheep and portrayed as a failure. A misfit of some kind. You feel that your family is always... "Want... want... want... Me... Me... Meeeee!" or "You're good for nothing! You're a failure! I can No longer forgive you for what you did?" Because of this kind of upbringing or environment, you think everybody out there is cruel and selfish as well. Everywhere you go, it seems that people are against you, talking behind your back, calling you names, having bad wishes against you in which you can't progress in this world. I had a friend on this website named Lucy Cortina, who sufferred much so because of this.
I am not influencing you to take any personality subscription drugs here Caleb, and there are times I wish I can go on Zoloft, but I can't stand the side effects. (You know, the type of side effects that they use in commercials after advertising the drug: "Warnings may include sexual dysfunction, migranes... ect... ect..")
Maybe you can try this, because I am using it on myself right now. Has it ever occurred to you that you are more powerful than you think you are? The brain can do so many wonderous things. My suggestion to you Caleb is keep a journal of the things that bother you, write it down, and try to be your own advisor. If you visualize somebody else writing for you for help, offer back advise in how they can overcome it. Do it in your journal. I did. I'm doing it right now.
Caleb, my friend, you are not alone in this crummy world full of selfish bastards and skanks. They will receive their wonderful reward at the end. This place is wreaking of assholes everywhere. But remember that you and I can change it to our liking and not use suicide as the last resort. If someone tells us otherwise and say "Go ahead do it! Kill yourself! It will lead to more justice in this world!" Whether they like it or not, even if we are here or if we are gone, the world turns. And if these people remain toxic to us otherwise and don't change their ways, bad things beyond our control will happen to them. It's called payback kiddo. But don't rely on it as a form of revenge. Never wish harm on anyone as a rule because it will come back threefold. Just let things be. Forgive. Let people be people, because in the long run if you do the things you love, I am advising myself to, the more you will be a success, the happier you will be, and it will attract the people that you mostly like to hang around with.
Hang in there Caleb... You are not alone!!! In this crazy world think of this day of a rebirth of new beginnings.
For today is the first day of the rest of your life.
|27 Sep 2003||Felicia||I did see Lucy Cortina on the Tranny website. My GAWD! The boobs look so real. And they are bigger than mine.
Shall I trade for some new ones?
|25 Sep 2003||Dr. D. Breast||Dear suicidals. Welcome to the lesson for the day: "There's a Lucy in all of us".
I am quite sure you all know Our Lucy, a fine specimen from the new Psychology texts.
All humans have thoughts, feelings and ideas that they dare not express. All humans have the potential to be evil. All humans are the same.
The mentally ill are no more "freaky" than the average dull-looking person. They are just a lot more magnified if you like, or "enlarged".
The crazy, maybe even disturbing thoughts that lie undiscovered behind the 'sane' persona can sometimes build up to toxic levels, which is when you are declared "insane" and sent into psychiatric care.
Now dear people, do not fear, there is a solution! and the solution is very simple.
Do a Lucy.
Yes, you heard right. Do a Lucy.
Use our new invention called "Lucy Cortina" and get the outrageous, maybe even disturbing thoughts out of your system. Write them down, make a diary. Post them on suicide forums. Post them to the Queen of Austria...
This will lead to a rich and sane life, with all demons expelled. Mental illness will decrease dramatically.
And people like me won't have to choose a career which makes us as crazy as our patients.
|24 Sep 2003||Phil||I got a lovely surprise today. After typing my personality Lucy Cortina's name into the search engine, I was led to a tranny porn site. Yes ideedy, the "Lucy's dad is a tranny" story had made it onto a website of tranny pictures and stories.
I should be proud... but I feel sick.
|20 Sep 2003||Phil||Why am I still here Steve? Well, why is anyone still here, posting on the suicide kit?
I have my reasons for being alive still, and they are nothing to do with this website at all. I do have a life, even if it's not much of one. I have been suicidal for a while and soon, let's just say soon, I may be dead. I think it's ok for me to post here still in my days before my demise. Lucy Cortina is dead, at least in name. I have to go now cos Beyonce is on the TV, shaking her...um....
Yes Steve, I'm gay, but have some strange obsession with breasts. I don't actually understand the point of them - they're so soft and gooshy and just lie there, doing nothing.
And yes gay punk, I may have been posting as someone before, lets just say. My boyfriend has changed his name now though, so don't worry about that ;)
And Naomi, we do care, more than you could imagine.
|19 Sep 2003||Felicia, The Full Monty||Malicious violence in this world is much too common. Angry people run amok and there is no way to stop them. I believe mouchette.org is for the common folk that want to find out the true meaning of life before ending it. Please, my dear people, ease on my friend "Lucy Cortina". "She's" the best that ever is and did save my life at one time. Folks, whether or not you believe that she is unreal, so be it. Her (or His) infectious humor has made the mouchette.org world laugh even if he or she tries not to be funny.
And "Lucy", no matter how tiring it is to be a true comedian, you are in fact a true original. (MAKE NOTE OF IT!) Don't change and keep those boob and Kylie Minogue jokes intact.
For Billy The Freak, my burly haired man, I want you to bring on the fun like you used to and make the world smile as always. I know who you are, and will keep it a secret between you and me, as far as my breasts are concerned (No kidding, the last time I looked, they were real!)
Anyways, Thanks Lucy for the "Boob implants!"
|15 Sep 2003||Felicia||Lucy Cortina,
I am real. Real as you can ever be. Don't leave the world yet in such a dramatic fashion. I have been submitting manuscripts to publishers, which is more suicidal. All the coffee in the world does not make me a better writer. In fact, since my brain is empty, which is more often than usual, I can tell you that indeed I'm all flesh and bones here. If you are leaving for sure, be sure to email me. And Billy, if you know a few one liners, send more to make the world chuckle and laugh.
Lucy Cortina, please I don't know you, but all of us in Mouchette love you.
|11 Sep 2003||Lucy Cortina||Hi people! I'm back! Well, I'm gone.
Dear dear, the suicide kit has descended into chaos. Billy is back (my god! they actually released you from the psychiatric unit after your hands-up-Lucy's-knickers incident?)
Anyway. Here is me, a single person. I'm not part of the mass manufactured stories or fancy names that plague this site from jealous wannabes. I'm just me: bog-standard, big-breasted, Lucy Cortina. Or am I...?
Actually, I'm not. This confession may shock the whole of this world. More shocking than being bisexual or being a vegisexual (being plain old boring 'Gay' just isn't enough these days - no offence to you, Gay Punk).
So, who am I?
Hehe, this brings back memories. Those lazy days with Felicia in my living room, eating cornflakes, and me standing there holding a bottle of milk and saying "mooo", but Felicia still not knowing that I was being a cow.
Well, it may be a further shock to know that I have never even met Felicia. I'm not sure if she even exists. That is because, I, Lucy Cortina, do not exist myself.
Lucy Cortina, then what are you darling? The suspense is killing us! We are on the verge of swallowing our cocktails of paracetamol and Valium. Do hurry it up, darling.
And, another point worth inserting here, I really can't be arsed with trying very very very hard today to end up under Mouchette's favourites list. It once held appeal, when I was so bored and depressed and had nothing better to do. When I didn't have a life. I still don't have a life. But I will soon have death.
So, anyway, yes. It's me, Lucy. No fancy sub-names, just the regular depressed girl, not quite perfect, posting here on the spurr of the moment, without need for competing. But hang on! You aren't real Lucy!
That's right. I'm actually, what for it....
Ok, so I'm not Buddha. I'm a boy. I'm 17. I have known of this website for years, since 1999 at least. or is it 2000? I'm not sure. Anyway. I found this site on the first stages of my franctic search for the meaning of life. (Death, that is. Or for the technical wahlers, 'suicide').
I found this site, read the stoopid, yet intriguing, posts. Went away for a bit. Came back. Went away. Came back. Got an intense desperate urging lust to be in Mouchie's favourites list. Did it. Kept doing it. It got boring. When the "pretenders" popped up like all the little girly singers did when Britney Spears arrived, to steal Lucy's thunder (or even her breasts!), I decided that life was too short, and tried to get one (a life, that is).
I have Social Anxiety Disorder, and Depression, an eating disorder, and probably a whole list of other possible illnesses. I hate life. I have this past to deal with too. Everything's crap. My name is Phil.
Lucy Cortina is as fake as Britney Spears' whole music career. (Or her breasts).
Ok, maybe she isn't. Who knows. Maybe Lucy Cortina was my way of airing some of the crazy thoughts in this head of mine. Maybe she was the outlet for many things.
But, sorry people, I was never real.
My name is Phil. And I will soon be dead. No, I'm not just messing about like many people do. I have it planned to every detail. No one will stop me.
I just want to say, goodbye suicide kit. Goodbye Billy, Felicia, all the others. I don't know who you all are in real life, if you made up a persona like me, but thanks for the entertaining reads every day when I get into this room and switch on my PC, after another day of hell, another day of life. Another day of everyone talking about me, of people hating me (yes ok I admit it, I'm a teenager yapping on about my problems and will probably launch into a "poor me!" child abuse story here if someone doesn't stop me). So I will stop myself.
Umm, anyway, yeah. I will be dead soon. Lucy Cortina ends here. She had a nice and eventful life. I hope Mouchie keeps everything in small archived files in his cellar full of wine and cheese, so that one day the suicide kit will become a Hollywood production (you're aiming bit high there, Lucy!). I guess Lucy Cortina was the suicide kit slut. Sending pictures of naked ladies in underwear privately to Mouchette was the only reason I stayed Top Girl. Or was it? I'm not sure.
Anyhow, incase you are crying into your cocktails by now, or in the case of Billy, crying into your condoms, I love you all, and remember darlings, we are all going to somewhere better soon, that big breast factory in the sky. The purpose of this little community was only meant to be brief, as all here are suicidal (aren't we?). I never meant to live this long. Maybe it was you, Mouchette. Maybe it was someone else, in fact, I know it was- my Danny. But maybe I'm just an insane, gay, 17 year old teenager. Maybe Lucy Cortina was part of my mind personified. Yes, that will be it.
So, no breasts, no SSSS, no sister, none of all that nonsense. Still, it was fun, wasn't it?
Take care people. Good luck with your deaths. If you wanna contact me - not that you would - but I will be alive maybe a while yet (but Lucy ends here). Leave your email addresses, and I will email you.
RIP Lucy Cortina.
*Lucy leaves the room, leaving the occupants of the suicide kit free to release the farts or whatever else they were keeping in, in fear of upsetting Lucy during her important speech*
*Lucy enters room again, to an awful smell. She splutters out a few last words:
"Mouchette, I think you owe us all a small explanation. WHO, exactly, are you?"
...then leaves the room*
And everybody claps.
FINALLY, she has shut up whining, and gone!
|31 Aug 2003||Lucy Cortina||I can't get away from it!
I'm on a special lesbian-detox, and what happens? I see Madonna snogging Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera on my mini portable battery operated TV last night.
It's all so disturbing to me. I reported Felicia last week and she got sent to a special home because she attempted to commit suicide after I told her I didn't love her. I might go in and see visit her now. I might take her a few copies of Housewives Without The Husband, to cheer her up.
And maybe a copy of the latest newspaper.
There's a lovely picture of Christina Aguilera turning up at the VMA awards, dressed as a pink feather duster.
That should cheer her up.
|27 Aug 2003||Lucy Cortina||It is my, uh, mid-years resolution now to steer clear of girls for at least a few weeks. I have nothing against lesbians, however, my theory is this:
Lesbian sex is like eating a wet lettuce salad when hunger demands that you scoff a big, juicy...
burger. (in a bun of course!)
So, I am on a little merry holiday of my own, Mouchette (take that!) I am on holiday with a good pal of mine, who happens to be a gay professor (to minimise all temptations).
However he seems to be mistaking my naturally flirty manner as having meaning.
Last night, I sat up in bed reading a Jackie Collins novel (a girl needs to get her fix somehow!)
Anyway, as I yawned, I said to the prof, "I am in bed professor.
Are you ready?"
Which was when he gasped and said "Ready for what????!"
And I said, "For switching off the light".
He seemed to relax then, and said "Ohh...yes".
We are staying in a caravan near one of those huge astronomical observatories, to look out for Mars, as it is apparently very close to Earth right now. I have got all my panties and bras stored in a special fridge, and I have a nice laptop PC to browse suicide websites.
Happy holidays to me!
|26 Aug 2003||Lucy Cortina||Ooh! 1 day to go until our dear Mouchie gets back and announces he had a secret wedding to Kylie Minogue in Bali.|