|Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.|
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?
Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
|11 Oct 2004||Felicia The Great||Dear Mouchette.Org and Friends,
On a mental note, one day I ran across a handwritten article that my deceased father left in a manilla folder. A month ago, I sufferred a nervous breakdown and cried my eyes out to two therapists. Oh.... the tissues were used up and I cried so hard, I swore I almost gagged out a lung. Till that one day, I read the article my father left me, it struck a chord for optimism. Now, I know it may not work for everybody. Some excepts may be confusing to some, but you will kind of get it. In other words, through conscience reading, you'll get the point. Unfortunately, some of the readers will think that this is some kind of bullshit, but to be honest, it is helping me.
So folks, if you dare to read, please keep this advise to yourselves and don't let any family member or friend of yours know what you are doing. (I am referring to people not reading this post site.) I have heard so many people promise that they would change themselves and fail. (I'm a good example.) But to someone who feels like a complete failure and to the next person, just realize that if you stumble and feel down, realize that you are not alone in this cruel, cruel world. And to Phil, my inspirational friend, and Billy The Freak, who is really the one eyed green monster with two legs, and to the frantic people hanging on a limb and trying to survive, before you contemplate suicide, even if you are an Athiest, read on and enjoy a nice cup of coffee.
Ready? Here is the article.
The Seven-Day Mental Diet
By Emmett Fox
"The subject of diet is one of the foremost topics of the present day in public interest. Newspapers, books, the Internet, and magazines teem with articles on the subject. The nutrition section of bookstores is filled with volumes unfolding the mysteries of proteins, starches, vitamins, carbohydrates, and so forth. The whole world is food-conscious. Experts on the subject are saying that physically you are what you eat. Your whole body is really composed of the food that you have eaten in the past. What you eat today, will be in your bloodstream after the lapse of so many hours, and it is your blood-stream that builds all the tissues composing your body - and there you are.
Of course, no sensible person has any quarrel with all this. It is perfectly true, as far as it goes, and the only surprising thing is that it has taken the world so long to find it out; but in this pamphlet I am going to deal with the subject of dieting at a level that is infinitely more profound and far reaching in its effects. I refer of course to mental dieting.
The most important of all factors in your life is the mental diet on which you live. It is the food, which you furnish to your mind that determines the whole character of your life. It is the thoughts you allow yourself to think, the subjects that you allow your mind to dwell upon, which make you and your surroundings what they are. As they days, so shall they strength be. Everything in your life today the state of your body, whether healthy or sick, the state of your fortune, whether prosperous or impoverished, the state of your home, whether happy or the reverse, the present condition of every phase of your life in fact-is entirely conditioned by the thoughts and feelings which you have entertained in the past, by the habitual tone of your past thinking. And the condition of your life tomorrow, and next week, and next year, will be entirely conditioned by the thoughts and feelings which you choose to entertain from now onwards.
In other words, you choose your life, that is to say, you choose all the conditions of your life, when you choose the thoughts upon which you allow your mind to dwell. Thought is the real causative force in life, and there is no other. You cannot have one kind of mind and another kind of environment. This means that you cannot change your environment while leaving your mind unchanged, nor-and this is the supreme key to life and the reason for this pamphlet -can you change your mind without your environment changing too.
This then is the real key to life: if you change your mind your conditions must change too- your body must change, your daily work or other activities must change; your home must change; the color-tone of your whole life must change-for whether you be habitually happy and cheerful, or low-spirited and fearful, depends entirely on the quality of the mental food upon which you diet yourself.
Please be very clear about this. If you change your mind your conditions must change too. We are transformed by the renewing of our minds. So now you will see that your mental diet is really the most important thing in your whole life.
This may be called the Great Cosmic Law, and its truth is seen to be perfectly obvious when once it is clearly stated in this way. In fact, I do not know of any thoughtful person who denies its essential truth. The practical difficulty in applying it, however, arises from the fact that our thoughts are so close to us that it is difficult, without a little practice, to stand back as it were and look at them objectively.
Yet that is just what you must learn to do. You must train yourself to choose the subject of your thinking at any given time, and also to choose the emotional tone, or what we call the mood that colors it. Yes, you can choose your moods. Indeed, if you could not you would have no real control over your life at all. Moods habitually entertained produce the characteristic disposition of the person concerned, and it is his disposition that finally makes or mars a person's happiness.
You cannot be healthy; you cannot be happy; you cannot be prosperous; if you have a bad disposition. If you are sulky, or surly, or cynical, or depressed, or superior, or frightened half out of your wits, your life cannot possibly be worth living. Unless you are determined to cultivate a good disposition, you may as well give up all hope of getting anything worthwhile out of life, and it is kinder to tell you very plainly that this is the case.
If you are not determined to start in now and carefully select all day the kind of thoughts that you are going to think, you may as well give up all hope of shaping your life into the kind of thing that you want it to be, because this is the only way.
In short, if you want to make your life happy and worth while, which is what God wishes you to make it, you must begin immediately to train yourself in the habit of thought selection and thought control. This will be exceedingly difficult for the first few days, but if you persevere you will find that it will become rapidly easier, and it is actually the most interesting experiment that you could possibly make. In fact, this thought control is the most thrillingly interesting hobby that anyone could take up. You will be amazed at the interesting things that you will learn about yourself, and you will get results almost from the beginning.
Now many people knowing this truth, make sporadic efforts from time to time to control their thoughts, but the thought stream being so close as I have pointed out and the impacts from outside so constant and varied, they do not make very much progress. That is not the way to work. Your only chance is definitely to form a new habit of thought which will carry you through when you are preoccupied or off your guard as well as when you are consciously attending to the business. This new thought habit must be definitely acquired, and the foundation of it can be laid within a few days, and the way to do it is this: Make up your mind to devote one week solely to the task of building a new habit of thought, and during that week let everything in life be unimportant as compared with that. If you will do so, then that week will be the most significant week in your whole life. It will literally be the turning point for you. If you will do so, it is safe to say that your whole life will change for the better. In fact, nothing can possibly remain the same. This does not simply mean that you will be able to face your present difficulties in a better spirit; it means that the difficulties will go. This is the scientific way to Alter Your Life, and being in accordance with the Great Law it cannot fail. Now do you realize that by working in this way you do not have to change conditions? What happens is that you apply the Law, and then the conditions change spontaneously. You cannot change conditions directly you have often tried to do so and failed but go on the seven day mental diet and conditions must change for you.
This then is your prescription. For seven days you must not allow yourself to dwell for a single moment on any kind of negative thought. You must watch yourself for a whole week as a cat watches a mouse, and you must not under any pretense allow your mind to dwell on any thought that is not positive, constructive, optimistic, kind. This discipline will be so strenuous that you could not maintain it consciously for much more than a week, but I do not ask you to do so. A week will be enough, because by that time the habit of positive thinking will begin to be established. Some extraordinary changes for the better will have come into your life, encouraging you enormously, and then the future will take care of itself. The new way of life will be so attractive and so much easier than the old way that you will find your mentality aligning itself almost automatically.
But the seven days are going to be strenuous. I would not have you enter upon this without counting the cost. Mere physical fasting would be child's play in comparison, even if you have a very good appetite. The most exhausting form of army gymnastics, combined with thirty-mile route marches, would be mild in comparison with this undertaking. But it is only for one week in your life, and it will definitely alter everything for the better. For the rest of your life here, for all eternity in fact, things will be utterly different and inconceivably better than if you had not carried through this undertaking.
Do not start it lightly. Think about it for a day or two before you begin. Then start in, and the grace of God go with you. You may start it any day in the week, and at any time in the day, first thing in the morning, or after breakfast, or after lunch, it does not matter, but once you do start you must go right through for the seven days. That is essential. The whole idea is to have seven days of-unbroken mental discipline in order to get the mind definitely bent in a new direction once and for all.
If you make a false start, or even if you go in well for two or three days and then for any reason "fall off" the diet, the thing to do is to drop the scheme altogether for several days, and then to start again afresh. There must be no jumping on and off, as it were. You remember that Rip Van Winkle in the play would take a solemn vow of teetotalism, and then promptly accept a drink from the first neighbor who offered him one, saying calmly: "I won't count this one." Well, on the seven-day mental diet this sort of thing simply will not do. You must positively count every lapse, and whether you do or not, nature will. Where there is a lapse you must go off the diet altogether and then start again.
Now, in order, if possible, to forestall difficulties, I will consider them in a little detail.
First of all, what do I mean by negative thinking? Well, a negative thought is any thought of failure, disappointment, or trouble; any thought of criticism, or spite, or jealousy, or condemnation of others, or self-condemnation; any thought of sickness or accident; or, in short, any kind of limitation or pessimistic thinking. Any thought that is not positive and constructive in character, whether it concerns you yourself or anyone else, is a negative thought. Do not bother too much about the question of classification, however; in practice you will never have any trouble in knowing whether a given thought is positive or negative. Even if your brain tries to deceive you, your heart will whisper the truth.
Second, you must be quite clear that what this scheme calls for is that you shall not entertain, or dwell upon negative things. Note this carefully. It is not the thought that come to you that matter, but only such of them as you choose to entertain and dwell upon. It does not matter what thoughts may come to you provided you do not entertain them. It is the entertaining or dwelling upon them that matters. Of course, many negative thoughts will come to you all day long. Some of them will just drift into your mind of their own accord seemingly, and these come to you out of the race mind. Other negative thoughts will be given to you by other people, either in conversation or by their conduct, or you will hear disagreeable news perhaps by letter or telephone, or you will see crimes and disasters announced in the newspaper headings. These things, however, do not matter as long as you do not entertain them. In fact, it is these very things that provide the discipline that is going to transform you during this epoch making week. The thing to do is, directly the negative thought presents itself - turn it out. Turn away from the newspaper; turn out the thought of the unkind letter, or stupid remark, or what not. When the negative thought floats into your mind, immediately turn it out and think of something else. Best of all, think of God as explained in The Golden Key perfect analogy is furnished by the case of a man who is sitting by an open fire when a red hot cinder flies out and falls on his sleeve. If he knocks that cinder off at once, without a moment's delay to think about it, no harm is done. But if he allows it to rest on him for a single moment, under any pretense, the mischief is done, and it will be a troublesome task to repair that sleeve. So it is with a negative thought.
Now what of those negative thoughts and conditions which it is impossible to avoid at the point where you are today? What of the ordinary troubles that you will have to meet in the office or a home? The answer is, that such things will not affect your diet provided that you do not accept them, by fearing them, by believing them, by being indignant or sad about them, or by giving them any power at all. Any negative condition that duty compels you to handle will not affect your diet. Go to the office, or meet the cares at home, without allowing them to affect you. (None of these things move me) and all will be well. Suppose that you are lunching with a friend who talks negatively-Do not try to shut him up or otherwise snub him. Let him talk, but do not accept what he says, and your diet will not be affected. Suppose that on coming home you are greeted with a lot of negative conversation-do not preach a sermon, but simply do not accept it. It is your mental consent, remember, that constitutes your diet. Suppose you witness an accident or an act of injustice let us say Instead of reacting with pity or indignation, refuse to accept the appearance at its face value; do anything that you can to right matters, give it the right thought and let it go at that. You will still be on the diet.
Of course, it will be very helpful if you can take steps to avoid meeting during this week anyone who seems particularly likely to arouse the devil in you. People who get on your nerves, or rub you up the wrong way, or bore you, are better avoided while you are on the diet; but if it is not possible to avoid them, then you must take a little extra discipline that is all.
Suppose that you have a particularly trying ordeal before you next week. Well, if you have enough spiritual understanding you will know how to meet that in the spiritual way; but for our present purpose, I think I would wait and start the diet as soon as the ordeal is over. As I said before, do not take up the diet lightly, but think it over well first.
In closing, I want to tell you that people often find that the starting of this diet seems to stir up all sorts of difficulties. It seen is as though everything begins to go wrong at once. This may be disconcerting, but it is really a good sign. It means that things are moving; and is not that the very object we have in view? Suppose your whole world seems to rock on its foundations. Hold on steadily; let it rock, and when the rocking is over. the picture will have reassembled itself into something much nearer to your heart's desire.
The above point is vitally important and rather subtle. Do you not see that the very dwelling upon these difficulties is in itself a negative thought, which has probably thrown you off the diet? The remedy is not, of course, to deny that your world is rocking in appearance, but to refuse to take the appearance for the reality (Judge not according to appearances but judge righteous judgment).
Closing words of caution-Do not tell anyone else that you are on the diet, or that you intend to go on it. Keep this tremendous project strictly to yourself. Remember that your soul should be the Secret Place of the Most High. When you have come through the seven days successfully, and secured your demonstration, allow a reasonable time to elapse to establish the new mentality, and then tell the story to anyone else who you think is likely to be helped by it.
And, finally, remember that nothing said or done by anyone else can possibly throw you off the diet. Only your own reaction to the other person's conduct can do that. "
|11 Sep 2004||Phil||Ooh Felicia, you know imitating Mouchette used to carry a heavy punishment...
Bollocks if they have found Lucy's body (or boobies), don't let that stupid president guy fill you full of gobshit about me. If they had found her breasts they would have inflated like one of those inflatable beds and consumed the world. Once they expand there's no stopping them... I should know. They need to be contained at all costs!
Revive Lucy? Bollocks. I searched for her for months and she was nowehere to be found.
No no, it's a hoax. Don't believe any of it.
|24 Aug 2004||Felicia my dear,
I must commend your arguments. You are right! I would never go down to East Palto Alto (excuse my spelling) and yell out "niggers!!"
But do you know why this is? It's because I'm white. And I'm rich. I would NEVER go down to East Palto Alto because I don't need to live in a stinking ghetto. Being shot in the face by an angry crack-whore isn't really an issue for me...
Sure, an uneducated person is about as normal as an educated person... they're just dumber. And they have to live in the streets.
|22 Aug 2004||Felicia||People who are uneducated are about as normal as an educated person. One has papers and the other is without.
We can go on with definitions of any single word, especially words that may seem derogatory.
Now, we wouldnt go to East Palo Alto, California and yell out the N word (which I will not mention!) In an African American community, or shout out F words whether it be one or two syllables in a gay community or any other public place in East Los Angeles, California or the New York, Bronx.
Theres also a difference between being book smart and having common sense (street smarts). Common sense is preventing a 45-caliber pistol gun from being aimed between the eyes.
|13 Aug 2004||Phil||Felicia is on the ball as always, yet I feel that in a way, "crackerjack" did have a SMALL point. Lucy's breasts did indeed start to become too big for her bra. And as Lucy's breasts inflated, so did my ego - and I became too big for my boots. Lucy retired because I am not sane or 'together' enough to do the hard but admirable work that 'normal' successful writers do. I still miss the times when I used to be in bed at night, and a flash of Lucy-inspiration whopped me in the face like a pair of swinging breasts (no need to say WHO the breasts belonged too). I can still pursue the breasts if I wish, though perhaps not so enthusiastically, plus they seem to swing less often these days. Perhaps Lucy decided enough was enough, got a reduction, and super-glued her breasts firmly together. I still miss the girl she was, but thankfully she still visits me from time to time.|
|11 Aug 2004||Felicia The Great Gatsby||What Is A Critic?
A critic is a person who pays attention to every detail you do. Maybe it's because they care or maybe it's because they hate you. In this website, it can go both ways.
Does it matter that I'm gay? What if I wasn't? Does it matter if I'm Asian or Hispanic? What if I was African American? Why is it that some of you have a gripe when I speak with Phil or Lucy or Bill or Todd? I truly adore Phil because he made me laugh out of my misery in this website (apparently he emotionally saved my life). For Billy the Freak, I honestly believe that he is a comedian who collaborates well with Lucy. Why? Because I feel it and that this man should seriously get into acting or writing books. For Todd, I dont know what happened to him but I honestly think that he is a cutie. (Well, from a girls standpoint, he truly is.) And to the Mouchette.org affiliates, you have a gift in creating such an opinioned website.
As for the comment from Cracker Jack; is making conversation truly wrong? Does the fact that humans conversing in harmony bother you? Is it because that when you find that something so weird and perplexing cause you a disturbance? Say something that brings you to this concern. And please dont have the fear of becoming homophobic . I believe that you are a heterosexual and will not consider you to be a homophobe. Since I live in the capital of a gay community, San Francisco, I have friends in both sides.
Take a look at the world around and open your eyes to culture. You do not have to accept it or you can take it with a grain of salt. I'm sure you have something of value that you would like to share with me and Phil OR if you choose not to, you can share your insights with others that can relate with you on the same level. All people do not have to think alike. Always make note that people are entitled to their own opinion.
Be discreet and show courtesy to the suicidal minded people. These people are finding ways to console themselves by finding help or keeping occupied. Maybe having them read this website can give them the incentive to keep on living,
This is a website where all people of ethnic diversities are welcome to post their concerns, humor, advise, insults, and more.
Don't hold back and remember that today is the first day of the rest of your life.
|03 Aug 2004||Felicia and the Spanking Monkey||Phil baby!!!
I came back and decided to put some "Umphf" into this site once more. And besides, I love you back. Dear, some thing is wrong with my U key, it keeps popping out. I am watching a "Wayne's World" marathon and on my way to work. Didn't jump in the shower yet... too lazy. There is this male friend of mine I completely adore and it is his birthday today, August 3. He is absolutely gorgeous and loves "Jui Jit Su". Maybe he has some secret mission to conquer the world. But I am still down here... you know... folding origami, basket weaving, washing stinky four legged creatures, and listening to ABBA.
Oh my, where's my chiquiquita banana!
Oh wait!!!!! There it is!!!
|30 Jul 2004||Phil||Felicia you naughty girl, how dare you. This is my first look back on this site in a while, and already Felicia is slandering me. It's a bit boring now on this forum since the regulars left in search of fame, but it's nice to see that Dear Felicia has remained in the gutter with the rest of us. I love you darling! I'm sure that even the most drab of people here have much more exciting lives than me. I've been cooped up with German relatives, and an uncle who is so old fashioned that we have to light a coal fire to get hot water (I'm surprised he hasn't started wearing leaves yet). My grandad, meanwhile, is a constant source of fun. He is in his late 70's, but once when he wanted to go to bed early, and my uncle said he couldn't (there's a little gate at the bottom of the stairs to stop him going up alone) he replied with "I'm fed up of this, I'm going to tell my mum!" Who of course is dead. This week he had another outburst, when my uncle was having a glass of whisky, and said "You can't have that, you're too young!!" My uncle is 49. And then there was the incident where he got up in the middle of the night, shouting like a madman, wanting to call a taxi. Enough said already.
It's been a tough few years and it's amnazing that I am still alive, but I think I take after Marilyn Manson (great guy), who says he is too selfish to kill himself. That's something for you all to consider, afterall, you TOO still read this forum don't you... (I know you do, Mr Billy and co)
|28 Jul 2004||Felicia The Great Born In The Year of the Spanking Monkey||Oh dear, dear, dear, Billy!
You are always welcome into my apartment, but dont be surprised that you see me walking in my birthday suit. I just did 400 bits (sit ups) today and 200 more. You caught me swinging my arms and legs moving back and forth on the Elliptical stair climber. I got this Jack Lalaine video and thought it was a scream. You know the old man still eats raisin brain, then yammers away Go to health, go to health! I thought it was an incantation to the underworld, but I had to take the earplugs out of my ears because old lady Thatcher kept farting away downstairs and ruined my sense of concentration.
Oh, I didnt mean to pull the top of your hair. I meant to grab you by the arms but I kept slipping off the Elliptical climber because all my perspiration was so darn slippery. I ran out of towels used them all to line the cracks of my floor because old lady Thatchers smoke was seeping through.
So you wanted to do something to me. You sneaky, sneaky, boy!
Just want to let you know that Lucy has the hots for you or is it Phil.
Billy, being unisex really isnt all that bad. But for me Im just a girl.
a naughty, naughty girl.
Now put that in your book.
|29 Jun 2004||billy the freak||i didn't bother to announce myself when i finally decided to walk through the door. i opened it slowly half expecting it to creek loudly. it didn't creek, the pins and hinges moved smoothly. i guess miss thatchet can spare a squirt of oil when you pay your rent on time. felicia always had priorities. i snuck down the hall like a rapist moving in on his pray. i came to the living room and immediately saw falicia staring out the window. she must not have noticed me because she kept staring, kept tapping her pen on her notebook. so i sidestepped till i was directly behind her at about ten paces.
she didn't know i was there. my stealthiness excited me there was a warm sensation running through my face and loins. the wind blowing through the window sent wisps of her hair into a swirl, i felt like ravishing her. instead i tip toed up to her and and covered her eyes with my hands.
"guess who?" i whispered.
immediately she elbowed me in the groin. by the time i doubled over she was standing and grabbed me by my hair and pulled me forward into the chair she was sitting on. i tripped and fell by then she had the chair over her head ready to crash into me. it amazes me the will of instinct.
"damn it falicia chill out!" i pleaded.
"billy you bastard!" she screamed. "don't you knock. i was so scared i would of killed you." i believed her. i got up and shook myself to my senses.
"i thought we were on a no knock basis." i said as i rubbed my head were she had grabbed the handful of my mange.
"we WAS on a no knock basis." she said. "when we was knocking boots. but you can't come in and out of here like you do my life, okay."
"yeah." i answered.
"so what do you want? to drop another dead body, because miss thatchet said no more till you pay up on your rent."
"no nothing like that. i...i..." i stuttered.
"what the hell do you want billy!." she spit at me. she was obviously upset and now i felt like leaving. i franticly looked around for an answer and saw the book shelf.
"i came to get the copy of guns and ammo i left here." i lied.
"i am pretty sure you got them all billy." she huffed impatiently. " take a look."
i went over to the book shelf and started looking through her magazines. woman's health, trim, and shape. luckily i found a copy of guns and ammo i had left and gave an internal sigh of relief.
"did you find it?" she asked now sitting in her chair again staring out the window and tap tap tapping.
"yep, august 2001 the one i was missing." i said as i read the date off the top again lying to her.
"good, then if you will i am busy i got many things on my mind." she politely told me to leave.
then i noticed the half eaten chocolate easter bunny on the top of the book shelf. i thought about the weight magazines and the bunny that has been sitting there since easter and it hit me.
"falicia have you lost weight? not saying that you are fat or anything but you are looking trimmer." in all actuality i didn't notice a difference, she looked like the same old beautiful falicia to me.
"oh billy you noticed. i lost eight and a half pounds and i centered it around my mid section. i worked so hard and dieted so long. you was the first person to notice. you know i am not the one to around bragging but..." she was about to go on one of thous emotion filled rants about life and goals so i decided to interrupt her.
"falicia, now that i am on you lighter side..." i stopped to smile at her so that she caught my pun.
" i feel that it is time that we try to make our relationship work. no more in and out just for the in and out."
"billy i can't go through anymore heart ache with you your lucky we are still friends." she sighed."you know i will always love you. i just can't carry the weight of your baggage."
after such a heartfelt turndown i decided against just coming out and asking for sex.
"well then do you mind if i just hang out for the weekend i am lonely and feeling down and you were the first person i thought of. in fact when i get down you are the only person i think of. i mean your not seeing any one right now right." i asked sheepishly.
"wadda ya say?"
"okay billy but no freaky stuff because i will throw you in the closet." she pointed her finger directly in my face.
"i would never." i protested.
"yes you would." this time she poked the finger in my chest. "besides our friend from england is coming. i was going to have you up here anyway."
"lucy is coming. that is great." my mind quickly filled with thoughts of a threesome. when will she be here?"
"well billy, i don't now how to tell you this, but lucy is really a guy." she bit her lip and waited for a reply.
"what are you saying" i said confused.
"lucy is a seventeen year old homosexual male named phil." she again waited for me to say something. when she noticed i was going to be silent she continued." he came out in england and and now he wants us to help him come out in america."
"now i know why lucy kept me under the bed and would not let me touch her...er...him. oh my goodness!" my mind started to race. my dreams started to crumble. the very ground i standed on seem soft like gelatin. "what the fucking hell."
"look billy, lucy is a part of phil. an alter-ego if you will. to know all of lucy you got to know phil. and to know phil is to know all of lucy. got it. try to be open minded." her words sounded good enough i guess.
"so when is she...he coming?" i asked.
"tomarrow morning." she replyed. "does this mean you are going to behave?"
"it is like you said lucy is phil, phil is lucy, i love lucy so i will at least learn to like phil." falicia got up and hugged me.
"good. we are having brunch at the hotel at ten you two will have plenty time to talk." she sat down and this time she wasn't staring or tapping she was writing. i leaned down and asked her what this was all about with the window and the notebook she said she was inspired.
when i asked by what she told me to look at the vacant lot across the street and asked me what i saw.
" a few bums sleeping, some trash, and a shopping cart full of aluminum cans." all of a sudden i needed a drink.
"no silly look harder." she said whimsically.
"don't see anything falicia." i said.
"of coarse you don't you don't see the positive in any thing. look down the middle where the street light is and look a little left." i did and i saw a yellow flower
growing out of a crack in the asphalt. all i saw was shit. falicia saw something beautiful in that pile of shit. at that moment i understood her just a little bit more. now i need that drink.
|25 Jun 2004||billy the freak||i sat in my lonely apartment staring at the clock for what seemed an eternity, but in all actuality i was only seventeen minutes i know because i was looking at the clock. i then decided i needed some excitement so i would travel up the steps of the apartment complex to the tippy top floor to see an old friend. however, i needed to be quiet becuase on the very next floor my landady miss thatchet sat watching daytime television. i don't have her rent money and i don't plan on having it till next month and i just don't want to deal with the confrontation, so i will tip toe up the steps. when i came to the front of miss thatchet's door i heard the tv blaring the words JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
SHE'S A WHORE! SHE'S A WHORE! and came to the conclusion she was watching that trash jerry springer. TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF! only ignorent people could watch that show and be entertained. then i thought of miss thatchet and realized it makes sence. i thought i was home free when i passed her door and started up the steps. i got a little lax and wasn't paying attention. i stepped on the biggest cockroach i had ever seen. with a loud pop it's yellow guts hit the wall.
the next thing i heard was the voice of the devil. i was caught.
"billy you little punk!" she hissed through lips that held a non-filter kool.
"do you got my money? i tell from looking at you you ain't got my money you look pathetic that's how i know.
i found in these situation i is just best to agree withe her.
"yes miss thatchet i am pathetic and i don't have your money. i'll have it next month."
her eyes widened. her lip quivered.
"you will have it next month or you will have new locks on the door and all your shit will be in my storage untill i get my fucking money!" she must have strained her vocal chords with that last display of verbal assult becuase she started to cough. little specs of spit hit my face and her cigarette hit the floor.
"do yo hear me?" she stomped the cigarette out with her bare foot.
"yes ma'am." i gulped.
"now go up there and see your little bitch girlfriend." she slammed the door in my face.
JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
i climbed the steps to the top floor and looked at the sign on the door.
FELICIA THE GREAT
THE ALL KNOWING
ADVISOR WHO WAS
BORN IN THE YEAR
OF THE MONKEY
|08 May 2004||Felicia The Great||Hello Mouchette, Lucy Cortina, Billy the Weeping Freak, and all the new members...
I have been on hiatus. I really apologize for not coming on this site as often as I should.
But I have a poem for you guys that would give you a thought to ponder.
"An Empty Heart is Filled"
By Felicia A. Floresca
"There is only one way to fill your empty heart. The only way to fill your empty heart is to have LOVE FOR LIFE.
Without LOVE for this ONE LIFE, you feel that nothing around you exists.
You have to realize that each portion of your life, whether good or bad, is a gift in which TIME can no longer take away from you and all this leads to happy or sad memories.
We must allow ourselves by remember this...
...that allowing ourselves by remembering that LOVE FOR LIFE is the epiphany for living for EXISTENCE."
Hang in there folks because "Today is the first day of the rest of your life."
|10 Mar 2004||Felicia The Great||Bringing Out Your Voice
By Felicia the Great of Course
It never hurts to bring out your voice unto paper. It hurts sometimes to have writing critiqued by others. Some opinions hurt and others don't. One example: The government may seem to live in hypocrisy; As fact, most politicians are labeled corrupt while other politicians are truly honest, and the honest politicians are usually the ones who get "mud slingered".
...As for the human condition, it hurts when an idea is rejected, and that can be the most devastating. That is why "wannabe" fiction writers, such as I, remain desensitized to publisher rejection letters. I got so used to rejection letters. By overcoming them, I put them in a file under: "Things That I Attempted to Accomplish and Failingly Succeeded"
Mouchette.org is a site to post feelings, opinions, jokes and rumors. It is meant to entertain, to amuse, advise, and last but not least, consider suggestive suicide ideas both bad and good (though I advise others not to kill themselves).
The human mind is a sponge that can grasp so much information in one setting and for those who express their opinions are truly strong to their convictions. Whether negative or positive, opinions make the world go round. Words do have an impact on the human psyche (mind).
My suggestion to all the readers, young or old, in this site, I have to assume are all suicidal. Yes, including me. I was suicidal once, but some things do change. Some days are worse than others and I occasionally have my ups and downs. Since life is the key to all existence, we have to be aware that down the road there are going to be obstacles. We have to face these tribulations head on to be stronger individuals. Without pain, how can we learn? Without suffering, how can we perservere (continue in spite of difficulty)?
Please feel free to express your thoughts and opinions to this website, even if it doesn't make sense.
And furthermore as courteous advise...
There are enough "Beyonce Knowles" with wonderful singing talent in this world, who grab too much of the spotlight over other musicians. Let the other musicians be heard.
I heed this advise to myself as well.
Continue on everybody, don't be shy. Remember after reading this post do not hurt, maim, or kill yourself. Old age will do it for you, so enjoy life, perservere, and live it to the fullest.
|06 Mar 2004||Chris||Someone performed a favour for me the other day and when I thanked him he replied: "no problem, it was the least I could do". Read that again out loud and then think about what he actually told me. Have you come to the same conclusion as I did... he had analysed all of his options, thought about everything that he could have done for me, sorted out every alternative and discarded every last one except the very least. Yes, what he so proudly told me was, that of all the things he could have done as a favour for me, the one that he chose was the minimum that he could get away with, while still saying that he had done something. Of course what he meant was, more less, the exact opposite of what the bare words really mean and he became suitably flustered (enough to amuse me anyway) when I asked him what the most he could have done would have been.
Anyway, because I have little else to think about, I took to pondering other common phrases, for example what do you know for sure about the phrase 'with all due respect'? I can tell you that in ninety nine point nine per-cent of cases what will follow those words, when they are directed at you, is proof that the speaker thinks that no respect is due to you at all. He will promptly tear to pieces; a) your opinion, b) your character or c) your appearance. What springs to mind when someone prefaces what they are to tell you with these words: 'to tell the honest truth...' as opposed to the barefaced lies and cunning half truths that they normally tell you? Ask yourself why, if this is an honest person speaking, does he or she feel compelled to convince you that what they are telling is true... But then, normal people are all the same: big, fat, happy liers who want to live through the next twenty-four hours, make cash out of your simplicity and cover their weirdness and shit under the cover of love and art, making us feel suicidal all the time!
Finally, to a different subject but still related (loosely) to words... mouchette.org has descended into, how shall we say, obnoxious, weird, repetitive words! I read everyone's posts and I understand and sympathise with everyone of you... but you're all saying the same thing! There were times when I was criticised because of my writings, but come tell me that now! We need to put some zest and life back into mouchette.org or it will become just like all the other suicide boards. Felicia The Great, Billy The Freak, Phil, take note (and come back) and for God's sake Dr.Jelly, either release Joe Lee from the physchiatric ward or at least just let him use the internet service, cos we need him! (Whatever you do, just keep him off any kind of medication, he's more sane without it than with it, we all are...)
See ya in an (ironically) livelier mouchette.org...
|13 Feb 2004||Felicia||I know the world is not making it easy to "us" writers or comedians. Rejection letters is like salt added to a wound. Writing poetry can make you think that you are in complete paradox. You drink a bottle of wine and spill it on your white shirt. You later lift it up to expose your hairy navel... you pick out the lint to see if there is any change left for lunch money. Your nose starts to itch. You get your index finger to scratch out last week's booger on the side of your left nostril.
But to be honest, writing is a lot like therapy. Even the average paid shrink says so. You can write or type in your journal and create a dialogue:
Q: So how are you doing, Gertrude?
A: Im doing okay I guess? I am thinking of a plot at the moment.
Q: Is it a burial plot?
A: No, no, no!!! Im thinking of a plot for my fiction novel.
Q: You dont sound positive right now.
A: I just received a rejection letter from Michael Meltzer Productions. They said my scripts were not acceptable. So yes, Im a bit disappointed.
Q: What are you doing about it?
A: Looking for more publishers and script agencies. Well, it beats sitting in front of the television set, watching Simon Cowell talk crap to all the contestants on American Idol. Besides, rejection along with humility builds character.
Q: Thats good! At least youre doing something about it.
A: Youre right oh by the way where is your mother and boyfriend and why is your car, with the fogged up windows, moving?
|26 Jan 2004||Felicia Born in the Monkey Year||Hi Joe Lee,
Happy New Chinese "Year of the Monkey" to you too. People call me lousy because they think that people born in this monkey year is tricky and hard to fool.
I get tricked all the time and I am made a fool of most of the time. And being a Gemini too is a lot worst. Now everybody says I am tricky, hard to fool, and two faced.
All I need is a cheer up and some chinese new year money to come my way. But I haven't been to Vegas yet and don't know how to play poker or yatzhee. I don't know how to play chess either and scrabble for that matter.
Sad. Sad. Sack. Oh well.
|18 Jan 2004||Felicia on advise||I hear of many people wanting to kill themselves. Unfortunately, I was one of the few. There are going to be some tough times ahead, but we must have the ability to handle it.
In dark moments like these, even after the holidays ended, and it's now 2004, we seem to shift in the mode of excruciating emotional pain. I know that some of you or most of you are sufferring the loss of loved ones involving broken relationships, family quarrels, and identity issues. I know you all hurt because of these ordeals and there is no way I can take away that pain all of a sudden from you folks.
If the pain is so deep that none of you can't handle it, please ponder this thought...
1.) Breathe and relax... take in deep breaths and let your mind remain blank for a period of 30 minutes. Think of something positive. Write it on paper.
Repeat it in your head. Say it out loud.
2.) Take a long walk. Walks are good for you. If it is late at night, flip on the television set, play cards, read your diary, talk to friends, take a nice shower, pamper yourself, work on a hobby... distract yourself with whatever possible "will" to keep your mind occupied. Please do so, your brain needs clearing.
3.) Talk to a loved one, whether it be a pet, parent, grand parent, uncle, aunt, cousin, friend, brother or sister, someone who supports you. Be away in staying away from grouchy people and ones that drag you down. Do not engage in arguments, because you don't need fuel to feel negative about yourself.
Have the courage to move on and relax. Realize that today is the first day of the rest of your life and that you are a different , positive person that you desire to be.
|18 Jan 2004||Felicia born in the year of the Monkey||I missed you Phil! I thought you were gone. But you didn't appear in my dreams, so I assumed you were still alive. As one of my all time favourite posts posters please feel free to email me. I'm laying on the bed wallowing on my back, gazing at my protruding tummy.
Hi Billy. My name is Felicia. "Lucy's" talked much of you because she has big boobies. To be quite honest, you are so funny! I had a blast reading about your overview on the "Mayan" civilization which involved crossed eyed babies with stones in the middle of their foreheads. I laughed so hard on both you and Lucy's comments, I almost busted a stitch and my guts almost fell all over the floor.
Hi Elaine. You have a nice name. Please don't give up visiting this site because people still do care. If you need a woman to woman talk I am right here. But don't worry. I'm not lesbian. I'm strickly dickly. Ask Lucy about me and she'll give you a good word about me.
Please get started in writing your book which is a bit interesting. I don't know how you do it, but you write pretty long... and that's a talent that should be well spent on a good novel.
For dealing with me and deleting my gripes on loud cultural shock music and my bouts with shock therapy. Yes, I am coming of age. And yes, I am born in the "Year of the Monkey" which begins January 22nd 2004.
|03 Jan 2004||Felicia the Great||Back From The Holidays
Hello Mouchette!!! Happy New Year!!!
To the rest of the folks still in hibernation, sleep away the cold months cuz February 2, will be here before you know it.
I'm surprized at the long posts written by budding writer's with wonderful amounts of talent. I was just looking in the bookstore one night sauntering through the Writer's 2004 booklet for publishing and inspired to write a long novel, later preparing it for mid-summer. I also encourage the other writer's to do the same. Use that talent to generate many returns--for heaven's sake--get paid for it!
Wish me luck folks and forgive my belly aching about the loud music. I know that it was not posted up for a good reason for fear of complaining critics. Since bomb mail has been an all time epidemic, I will spare my anger and put it forth to something more constuctive like bathing in a tub full of jello pudding while giving Rush Limbaugh an erection.
|21 Dec 2003||Felicia||December 21st, 2003
My Mom decided to meet Elvis this morning at exactly 8:10 a.m. Pacific Time.
This is the saddest Christmas ever.