Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
31 Dec 2002 Felicia We were at Union Square in San Francisco, Lucy Cortina and I. She saw my downtrodden face as I gazed upon my small bosoms. She was truly blessed. We went into Victoria's Secret and saw laying upon a shelf...Low and behold...a box of fake rubber boobies (fakies shall we say?) They were displayed in two colors: porcelain shade and tan. I took the tan beauties out of the box, slowly,, they were "My precious". I felt the texture of the fakies and had wishful thoughts of wearing them, forever. The rubber was so pliable and there among the tips of each one was a fake nipple. I told Lucy that I would be in the fitting room trying them on. In the fitting room under the incandescent lighting, I slipped each fake boobie under an underwire bra. They stuck out all right, like a twenty-one gun salute. Then, I shook them and became ecstatic because they looked so real. So I decided I'll take it. At the register, I took out my wallet to pay for the fakies and black underwire bra, but to my horrific horror, a piece of hair lint and a moth came out of my wallet. The cashier was very impatient and looked unimpressed. Out of pure embarrassment I said, "Omigawd!!" and hollered "I forgot the eighty dollars that Billy left on my dresser!! Augh!!" Well, I remembered that one day, Billy took in an old friend that was down in his luck to my apartment. The next thing you know, the old man was gone, well anyways, Lucy felt really bad for me, so she purchased the fakies and the black underwire bra. I said, "No Lucy! You shouldn't have!" She stared at me as if I were crazy, so I gave her a big hug. To this day I am still wearing my fakies and the black underwire bra. They are the best Christmas presents I ever had! Thank you dear Lucy, my Angel of Mercy! Should I wear them tonight for the Exotic Erotic Ball at San Francisco? Am I going to meet the Prince of my dreams?
Oh Billy!
Where are you?!!
29 Dec 2002 Lucy Cortina Bloody Hell. Mouchette you must be drunk out of your mind on Schnapps to allow the peasants to re-enter our Boudoire of Sauciness. Who the hell needs bloomin' poetry? It's just a poor man's rap. Anyone could do it - here, let me try:

"I waddled to the loo.
And then I had a poop.
I sprayed my little can,
now the air don't smell like a man (ie - v. stinky)"

There. Look out Eminem, Lucy Cortina, nu Raunchy-Rap-Queen is gonna beat you to pulp.
I should be so lucky. I've eaten too many mince pies this Christmas, which means my waist-line has increased, which in turn means that my breasts have inflated slightly. I look like Pamela Anderson in space. Still, a full figure isn't always a bad thing. Now there's even more of me to love. As if you didn't already have enough.
Some religious nutters have created the first cloned baby recently, apparently. I would gladly donate half of my breasts to them so they could sculpt a head and a few arms and legs from them (they are very firm, you know). All they need is a propper human brain to go with them. Hey, didn't they keep Albert Einstein's brain pickled in a jar after he died? - they could use that! Although, perhaps the scientists in charge ate it with some chips and a pickled egg.

What is the world coming to?
17 Dec 2002 robert DANCE: Pour an increasingly large amount of bleach into every orofice of your little body: wriggle until you can move no longer. Make sure your Dad video tapes your performance. Make sure your mum provides the bleach. Dance for your grandparents on the table you ate Christmas dinner. Wear the headband your auntie bought you.
15 Dec 2002 auguste fontaine III jr. under 13 what ? elehants ? spells ? meters tall ? days from christmas ? 13 % homofobic ? under 13 criminal charges ? 1259 ?
08 Dec 2002 georgie First, u have to like pain and sex, then, go and steal as much stuff as u can, then, grab a live chicken, fuck it up the ass, which, to my experience is very painful, and cut off your limbs one by one, when you don't have any limbs left apart from one arm, stab yourself in the heart. that's wot im gunna do on christmas eve, hahaha
06 Dec 2002 Lucy Cortina *Squeals with delight* Oooh Billy, you naughty boy! I didn't expect a kiss and tell about our affair. I haven't even bought my weekly copy of HEAT magazine yet, I must have a look soon. I expect they put your interview somewhere in between Kylie Minogue's hotpants and Britney's pigtails.
It's almost Christmas. I'm expecting a lot of goodies and things to "unwrap". I wonder what's in santa's "sack" for me?
I hope I don't get one of those crappy prezzies where I have to say "It's the thought that counts...", when secretly I think it's a pile of ****. It's not the THOUGHT that counts - it's the PRESENT!!! I want a present that will mean that the rest of my life after receiving it will be an anti-climax. Not a snuff-box shaped like a banana!
A girl can dream. The best I can hope for this year is a pork pie in my hand, cranberry sauce in my hair and flashing my bottom out of the car-window in the freezing snow.
01 Dec 2002 wonder i know it's a lil off the subject but here i go anyway... i'm 16 years old.. and it's kind of cliche.. but i lost everything i ever thought was too fairytale like to happen to me... for the past 4 months.. i've been contemplating whether or not i should commit suicide or not... these past four months, i have endured all the necessary pain possible as a 16 year old chic.. and also having a broken heart... it's a stupid reason.. yes, i know.. but i've been so suicidal.. i act like i am fine and doing alright in front of other people but that's not me... i've tried so many times.. but whatever i do.. it never works.. i don't know what to do.. i don't know how to heal.. i feel like a completely different person.. my soul was taken away from me.. my innocence stolen... my heart broken... i'm planning to commit suicide on christmas eve...
17 Nov 2002 chris I'm not 13 i'm 23. For as long as I can remember, I had this feeling that somehow I would have been better off stillborn. A lot of people just cannot accept that a person, regardless of age, would simply not want to be alive. They will tell you that you are selfish, you're just "at that age", the bible condemns it, what about your family. And countless other trendy phrases aimed at swaying your thoughts. Never have they woken up crying, wishing for an end, longing to just go back to sleep, for everyone to go away, for everything to forget you, these people have no clue. If you or anyone you know feels like this, talk about it, surround yourselves in an atmosphere of peers who know what you are going through. My mind does not possess the proper language to annunciate to anyone reading what I mean.
I know of a kid 20 years old, shot himself. It's just devastated his family. And it's easy, even for me, to tell a person to "just go get help". But that is what you have to do. And if you are one of these fruity bastards who would say to anyone displaying suicidal behavior," you're selfish, stupid, etc...", shame on you.
21 Oct 2002 Vanessa hmm... intersting interesting answers here... yes yes good answers indeed... yet only the dead know the TRUE answers to being dead, seeing as they are dead! myself, i am not new to this site... i have been checking back every other week or so, and Lucy Cortina's and Mouchette's and Billy's dialogues and conversations seem to be getting more amusing every time... you three seem to have great lives.... anyway, on we go, i live in Texas in the U.S., but are we really united? i think not... actually i think that christianity is a cult, and the government is after me, and yes life seems to always be in shambles... by the way i'm being totally serious... but here's a question for the people who ARE thinking of "offing yourself"... what is there to look forward to when gone? no, i'm not any kind of savior, i promise this, seeing as i have a bad sort of behiavor, but really is Death actually THAT exciting to look forward to? unless you believe in reincarnation (in that case i would love to come back as a guy) then what really is to come in dying? it will be pitch black, incredibly boring, nothing to do, nowhere to go, nobody to see... i would rather duke it out in the tough life than be bored for the rest of eternity. think about it, and please feel free to email me with your thoughts, i'll respond personally

14 Oct 2002 Lucy Cortina I remember once I was watching Southpark, there were 2 cowboys on. They began to undress, saying "Let's explore our sexuality!" This got me thinking. Thinking, they say, induces breast development. Mein gott! One day I'll need to use the pyramids as my bra - a spiky one like Madonna used to wear.
Back to the point - I was thinking of exploring our proud names.
Cortina: Wanted sex goddess. A Cortina is actually some sort of car, I think. There is also a UK advert on TV with "Hairy Cortina", a freaky man with a huge Afro hairpiece.
I've been confused with famous people too. I once got sunburnt in Germany and a woman began screaching "Oh ja! oh ja! mein gott! Was ist? Ja das ist!" - whatever that may mean. The sunburn was in patches like a christian cross. She thought I was the Virgin Mary (honestly, I ask you!) and a queue of German women formed along the beach - they wanted to feed me tablespoons of milk and pray to me!
So, what about your names? Billy. That rhymes with willy. Quite inappropriate, I think!
Mouchette. Sounds like Machete (those sword things).
I put the question to YOU, dear people. What is in a name? Does your name scream breastiness, sexual juices and womanly potential to others? Or does it scream of a dried up old fart?
10 Oct 2002 chris eat hot sauce and set yourself on fire and run through town while screaming "WALLA WALLA" until some one shoots you
05 Oct 2002 Carolyne Do-it-yourself crucifixion? Make a face and it'll freeze that way...? Maybe it'll be YOU they find under the Christmas Tree this year...
23 Sep 2002 Happiness is not found in pleasure, but in PEACE of mind, body.. You are all sad pathetic ignorant peoplpe, who has to realise the truth, or you will continue to suffer. Life is suffering all religions have admitted to that, life is a test, for each and every one of us to improve our character. And on judgement day, your character will be measured and you will be rewarded or punished appropriately.
All suffering is caused by desire, attachment, negative emotions, and ignorance. Destroy all these and your suffering will end.
Do not desire.
Do not attache to things emotionally.
Do not remain ignorant.
The only thing worth seeking in life is the truth. The only thing worth working for in life is the perfection of your character.
Some recommendations to find the truth.
Note I am not of the religion you think I am.
Disciplining the Soul, Breaking the Two Desires, By Al-Ghazali translated by T J Winter
The Remembrance of Death And the Afterlife By Al-Ghazali translated by T J Winter
The Bible the Quran and Science Maurice Bucaille
The Gospel of Barnabas
The Choice Islam and Christianity VI&II Ahmed Dheedat
Mohhammed in Parsi, Hindoo, and Buddhist Scriptures By A.H Vidyarthi and U.Ali
Dialogue with An Atheist Dr Mostafa MAhmoud
Evolution Deceit Harun Yahya Ta-Ha Publishers Ltd
27 Jul 2002 Velguader Oh yes. It's sooo saaad. Thank you for helping me realize it after not seeing daylight for a month. Oh! I have truly been touched by an angel! Let me guess. You'll breast feed me too? And that emoticon... man, I feel like a could conquer the world now.

Jesus H. Christ. Listen, miss 17 yr old Alija, take your friggin' pseudo mother/big sister attitude somewhere else. I maybe a depressed, introverted, shut-in, but at least my mental constitution isn't so weak as to find hope in some anonymous post. When I was going through these two years ago, I laughed at all the "Don't kill yourseld, dude." posts. I still do. It's people like you that make me miserable. The only reason you wrote that is to feel better about yourself. And here's to all of you other "assisted living" assholes. Saving a person from suicide isn't as easy as the whole "Touched by an Angel" schtick. You do not save a life after a "frenzy" of niceness. And to all those looking for the way out, get a helium tank used to inflate balloons. 600 balloons to be precise. Get some tubing from a hardware store and an oxygen mask from a medical supplier (say you have asthma or something) If the oxygen mask has holes to mix with air cover it with duct tape. You know the song... The ba'lloon tank is connected to the... Tu-bing. The tubing is connected to the... Gas mask the gas mask is connected to your... sad face. Look in your local yellow pages for "Party Supplies"
24 Jun 2002 Andrew Pendragon Painlessly? Shot gun often works. Load the barrel and put it in your mouth. pull with your toes.
Painfully? Take a nail gun and nail yourself to the wall through your gut with multpiple nails.
Christianly? take a nail and hammer it to a wall, so the sharp end sticks out. then take the nail gun, nail your feet and one hand to the wall, than slam your hand onto the nail and hang there until your savior arrives.
21 Jun 2002 Jesus Christ Just go out to the forest and lay down,
if you don't care about life then the pain of starvation or being eaten alive by insects and animals won't bug you at all, but if you eat something or kill the bugs then you just want attention and don't want to die...... I live in Arizona, there is no forest here, damn!!
29 May 2002 jesus christ Take a big canvas place it in front of a wood chipper and jump in (head first for painless, but if you want the full experience feet first). Now the world can see perfect art. Or wait until you can buy a gun and: Write a piece of modern music entited "machine gun sonata" during the performance empty it all in the audience with one left for you.
02 May 2002 Chris Run away from home with no money or clothes. Eventually you will starve to death or freeze to death. (Go naked during the winter).
29 Apr 2002 Scott A. Listen up people! God loves you! Please please pray pray and pray some more. It is all lies from Satan. You will not find peace in death unless Jesus is there to greet you. You are loved. You are worthwhile! Call out and cry out for help! Give Christ a chance. Find a true Christian and talk it out. Remember that Satan will try and trick you. He has you in bondage and is a great deciever. He is all lies! If you need help email me!

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