Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

Nom/email
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
04 Nov 2003 MauvaisSouhait Chris, you'd be happy to know that what all those pills ended up doing to me is make me so sick i ended up throwing almost all of them up. Unfortunately i didn't die like i wished. But in those moments while i layed in my bed and prayed for the pills to take me quickly i thought of you and your caring towards me. After i'd thrown up a few times and there was nothing left in my stomach i fainted on the floor and im not sure for how long i was actually "out" but the moment i woke up i thought of you again chris and i was slightly glad to be alive because i want to be able to talk to you sometime. one on one. before i try again to kill myself. And about your dream. i would never make u leave, i would welcome u w/ open arms into my house and hope that you'd stay forever. I would never turn you away. I'd hope to be able to help you with w/e your problems were from now until our end. It is a shame tho that we didnt talk before i tried to kill myself just last week but maybe sometime soon before my next attempt. I love you chris and i'm glad for now that i didnt die. yet.
-Donielle
04 Nov 2003 Chris Shit just piles up, it's stinking and I'm deep in it. I just did another major fuck up. I promised Mauvais that we would talk and that I would e-mail and I never fucking did it. It was hard to find what to say to this girl. I really loved her and I really cared and I assumed (wrongly) that she wouldn't go before we would have talked. After all she came here fairly recently and most of us who have been talking about suicide for much longer have still not done it. But, alas, what can I do now except wish her luck? Like a priest who prays on someone who's dead or dying I'm going to try and make our last (exclusively mouchette.org, suicidal) 'prayer', 'words', call them what you like...

'Suicide is a person's attempt to give final human meaning to a life which has become humanly meaningless... Love does not cling to the I in such a way as to have the You only for its 'content', its object; but love is between I and You. The person who does not know this, with his very being know this, does not know love; even though he ascribes to it the feelings he lives through, experiences, enjoys and expresses. Love ranges in its effect through the whole world. In the eyes of him who takes his stand in love, and gazes out of it, men are cut free from their entangelment in bustling activity. Good people and evil, wise and foolish, beautiful and ugly, become successively real to him; that is, set free they step forth in their singleness and confront him as You.

Suicide is an act of communication from the dead to the living. It is man's only means, at this early stage of his development, to establish the telepathic communion which will eventually end his loneliness and crash through the barriers of pain he has created between the living and the dying. Only those who have chosen to die can unite the living and those living must try to achieve what others achieved in death. (That is why a hunger strike or threatining to kill yourself in some other way is the most powerful weapon of a persecuted minority). Confrontation with the dreadful truth that a person might wisely choose death is (or I hope will be in your case) an experience more productive of pity and terror and more purifying than the cathartic experience in tragedy.'

Well, where did that put me? Back to square one, I'm still standing in deep shit and I will have to carry this burden (piled up on all the others) through the rest of my life. And despite of all this shit I don't seem to have the balls to commit suicide. I know that there are some (and I mean very few) people who will be hurt and I just keep hoping (wrongly) that I would manage to get a new life. I feel I'm really stuck in a rut but suicide will hurt myself too. How can I do it? Will Mauvais ever forgive me? I think she shouldn't! Well, I wish her best luck, wherever she is and whatever she's doing, and I believe (and hope) that she would be wishing us best luck too.

B.I.H Chris (I think that's more appropriate than R.I.P) For those who haven't got it it's Burn In Hell!

P.S. I wish Mauvais was still around just to read this at least! Bye luv xxxxxxxxx

See ya all in hell!
01 Nov 2003 MauvaisSouhait oh mouchette, thankyou for being here and giving me a place to put my messages it was sweet, but now might be my end, i cant really feel too much right now, im only going to miss Chris, he was sweet tho i never knew him, and he never e-mailed me.. he was nice... i cared... i think im gonna be sick, i have to go now.

Donielle
31 Oct 2003 MauvaisSouhait I finally did it... i just downed 3 bottles of advil and im home alone for the weekend. noone here to find me or to take me to the hospital. not that they'd care. Chris, i love u, thanks so much for being there, even w/out being here.
30 Oct 2003 Leanne Chris, I was deeply offended. Offended by the fact I rejected you and ran away. When in this life, you're the only one I'd run towards.
I had this good dream once, this wonderful dream. It's short and sweet. I was back in the playground of my primary school. And whilst I'm there I notice that it's not the first time my dreams have took place here. Anyway, I'm in this corner where me&my imaginary friends always loved to hang out. I'm sitting down, my head in my hands and I hear people coming towards me (a rare thing, i must say). I look up and see people from my Highschool, together as ususal, smiling, laughing joking. I get up, dust the grit off my school uniform dress and I say in my quiet voice "Hey, you want a sweet?" "Sure." They reply in a unison. I grab the little box of sweets, flick the lid and offer them as much as they want. "No, we changed our minds, we don't want your sweets, you can keep em'." I look down and in my small 8yr old hand, I'm grasping a box of tic tacs. Only there were no tic tacs in there, but panadol tablets (paracetomol). "What's wrong with my sweets? Bunch of spoiled shitheads!" I yell to their backs. "Oh well, more for me!"
Unfortunatly, this is where I wake up. Back to this place, to my cluttered and dark room, back to my sanctuary. Short and very sweet.

Chris, we knew that was'nt you, a few days ago. 1) You dont have an email address and 2)... It just wasn't you! It wasn't the Chris we all know and love.
Love,
a still-very-offended Leanne xx
29 Oct 2003 Chris Unfortunately I didn't go on a permanent vacation Leanne. Well, at least there's someone who to live for (you). As I am still here I am going to relate this strange dream of mine. I let all the dream interpreters make what they want out of it...

I finally had gone on that permanent vacation. A body and it is my own body, arms folded across the chest in a coffin coming through a trap door into the dark boiler room of a crematorium where two fires glow behind grated doors. A man is taking the lid off the coffin and slinging the body across his shoulders like a sack of potatoes. Then laying it on a moving platform like a baggage rack in an airport. The man is a hunch-back. As the body moves he picks up a heavy mallet. My body disappears into a huge tubular tunnel with lobster-backed rubber walls, and becomes jammed in the head of the tube. The hunch-back is crawling along the tube and bashing the body with the mallet to force it through the fire beyond. I seem to be standing in the boiler room yelling into the tube opening and the words echo back at me like a voice in a canyon: 'Don't burn me, bury me alive!'

And the hunch-back swinging the mallet trying to force my poor body and turning towards me, eyes wide and frothing mouth full of yellow teeth, and running headlong towards me brandishing the mallet but stumbling because he is running against the pull of the conveyor belt. And I must flee him. Running through the large boiler room past shovels and ashes to ashes, dust to dust and lime and coffins and flowers, orange flowers, ineffectual flowers, red flowers, cheap flowers, drooping flowers, black flowers, guilty flowers, ritual flowers strewn everywhere so that the dead may be forgotten and their bodies burned. The door is sealed but this is not the sealed door dream, no seal, only a handle and pulling it down desperately and the door opening.

Slamming the door and running but with graceful steps like a ballet dancer miming flight, leaping and pirouetting, gesturing to the fates across the paths and lawns 'I never promised you a rose garden as obscene as poppies in a war field fertilized by the brass plaques and the ashes of the dead and smoke rising from the windowed tower deceiving the victims like an Auschwitz bath-house.' And running through the roses, legs crashing painfully against the stakes towards the wall of memories, green and brown, Panel 69- Chris- In Loving Memory, and beyond the headstones and crosses and angels and the hunch-back is stumbling behind and falling into an open grave. In loving memory to the sweetest thoughts and treasured remembrance of my dear friend, Leanne and she is ahead of me now and I am pleading I want to make love to you, don't reject me but she is running away shouting 'mother-fucker you don't want me, you want your mother' and I am shouting 'goddamn my mother'.

Running across the unkempt graves and crashing into angels and a voice singing and I am dead as dead I may well be, come and find the place where I am lying and kneel and say an Ave there for me. In fond memory of mother sitting beside the headstone and it is mother sitting there crooning to a little boy whose head is buried in her warm bosom. Oh, Chris, I love you so but you don't love me. Please go away, you don't love me.

Running through the city in grief and despair to where there is a bronze statue of a horseman and the statue seems to move and I am fleeing with the shadow of the horseman behind and the rain pelts the window panes and the wind howls and the trees sway ominously and storm clouds sweep across the skyline and blacknight falls. The pounding hooves are behind me still and I am running up the street now past a man with the snow draping his shoulders. And the horse thunders closer but it is not a bronze horse. It is a grey horse and father is driving the horse standing up whip in one hand flaying the flanks of the foaming horse and a tomahawk raised in the other hand: 'Your mother is a bubble and you would never be sorry if I die.'

Rushing into the faded archway into a courtyard as dark as a prison cellar the horse thunders on the cobblestones. Fumbling with frantic fingers to show a policeman my passport or some other type of identifiction and asking him to help me I was ignored and the police kept escorting a man with covered eyes and gagged mouth. I arrived at a stairs. Bounding up the stairs shouting Mauvais Souhait's name to a flat on the right and it has twin holes (like it has been shot at) drilled in the door and a door jamb through which a thick wire is threaded and clamped with red seal and I am clawing at the seal and calling 'Mauvais, Mauvais'.

The door seems to loosen and rattle when I drag on the seal and suddenly it opens and a young woman with a bloodless face in black and white gown and slipppers saying that she's got work to do. From the doorway I can see a child maybe three years old (maybe Mauvais' sister) and the woman running to and fro like a magpie trying to keep up with all life and kids bring, throwing objects into the cot: butter, buscuits, a fountain pen, bread, socks, a doll which lies on its back and cries and a real live baby in another cot cries with it and the world is a baby's cry that has no end and nothing exists outside it. The woman comes to the door again and says: 'you must go now for we are enemies of all the people in the world now and if they find us they will kill us both!'. She slams the door and it reseals itself and I claw at the seal until my fingers bleed. The door rattles but the seal will not come off...

It was only a dream and I woke up in bed my fingers bleeding around dirty nails, scratching at the framework of the bed and the sheets and pillow were soaked in blood, sweat and tears and all of sudden it was just a normal, dull night which I was living, or rather existing, pitifully through and I knew that next day was going to be a normal boring love-less routine day, fucked up as usual...

P.S I hope that neither Mouvais Souhait and neither Leanne were offended. It's just a crazy dream to read and I still love you both more than ever. Very big thanks Leanne for the shoulder to cry on, for loving to sit near me on the bus, etc. xxxxxxx

VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: THE MAN WHO WROTE USING MY NAME AND TOLD YOU SOME SHIT TO JUMP OUT OF THE WINDOW IS NOT ME. I DON'T WRITE THAT SORT OF CRAP! AND SENDING E-MAILS TO THAT GUY WILL NOT ARRIVE TO THE ORIGINAL CHRIS! PROBABLY YOU GUESSED BUT I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE! SHOULD I TELL THIS GUY AND HIS CRAP IDEAS TO FUCK OFF? I WILL NOT AS I TRY TO RESPECT EVERYONE AND EVRYONE'S IDEAS BUT I DO KINDLY ASK HIM TO USE A DIFFERENT NAME IN THE FUTURE AND I THANK HIM FOR HIS COOPERATION! I GUESS CHRIS IS JUST SO MUCH A COMMON NAME (ALL THE BETTER FOR ME TO BE LOST AND FORGOTTEN FOREVER, NOT THAT A STRANGE NAME WOULD HAVE ME REMEMBERED BY ANYONE) Sigh!

See ya all in Hell!
26 Oct 2003 Gary Hello Leanne, Chris, all of you, I feel like I wandered into the right wrong room, imagine you all here like chicks in the nest, mouths wide singing distress, eyes shut. Pretty scary I can tell you. There are no answers are there, at least it means something to not feel quite such a freak. I've had some dark times and never feel so bad when I realise it's more common than I thought.
I've never thought that it's true that the devil has the best tunes, it's the ones suffering from depression who have the best tunes. Happiness, mostly, begets nothing, depression takes you to the depths and pops you back up like a cork. My only solace is making art about the journey and from what I've read here alot of you are doing the same. It's a real pleasure to hear people so eloquent in their distress, and no, I'm not trying to be facetious. Good luck to you all and how come I don't meet people like you in real life?
26 Oct 2003 Felicia I am still alive. Unfortunately the spiders under my mattress don't think so. Been reading into Chris's posts which are quite interesting. He outbeats my sense of humor, and overthrows me with his genius. I have been reading into the Witchcraft stuff and casting spells on ex-boyfriend's by turning them into toads. There's one at my window sill right now.

Be right back....

(Smash!!! Accompanied by rabbit screaming!!)

Okay the bad spell is gone now.

Carry on my wayward wailing Banshee!!

Hail to the Gay Punk!
25 Oct 2003 Leanne2Chris Chris, I'll quite happily sit next to you on the bus. You'd be the one I'd want to dance with in a club to a romantic song and if it were possible, my shoulder will always be available just for you. But this is the really real world and IT HURTS.
24 Oct 2003 chris jump out the window
24 Oct 2003 Christian Hidalgo crayons
23 Oct 2003 Leanne Last night (or shall I say this early morning), it was one of those nights again.... and you all know what these nights consist of... where your head is buried in your tear-soaked pillow, stinging cheeks from the salted tears and you ask yourself ... "what the fuck am I doing here?" I wrapped my quilt so tight around my body, I felt I were a sandwich wrapped in cling-film... perhaps in a desperate attempt to compensate for just a single hug... my quilt was my substitute for what I longed for... just a hug. Even if I was hugged so tight it would've killed me, it would be worth dying for. It's needed everytime I walk the street on the way to a mistake called college.. the little things I spot on my journey... I take note of the cracks in the pavement decaying in bad english weather, the black polka-dot pattern on the path before me which were once fresh-spat-out-gum and I start to wonder whose mouths they'd belonged to. I look up at the sky still walking my tired little steps, sizing up the dark clouds' potential to start pissing down with rain... these stupid thoughts just get too much. A hug is needed for my best efforts to stay in the same room as my parents, following them around the house like some needy pet, doing my best not to allow myself to be in a room alone... so terrified of being left alone with just me&my insignificant thoughts ... yet seriously loathing their company hearing their converstations of bills and work... knowing one day unfortunately, I'm gonna be just like them, saying things just like that, only not to a husband but to myself. But to be in a room alone...... having the ability to think 'is this the day?' 'Has the time come?' 'Is this the absolute maximum of shittyness I'll ever be able to handle?' 'Or have I had worse?' No I've had worse days, blue-er moods, darker times. I can handle being here alone, tonight, I'll pull through, today is not the day. Resist the temptation. "Leanne, it's a doctor you need." The 'good friend' says. "No, it's not, it's a boyfriend." Says the Bro. NO! Doctors are just as fucked up as we are, only they avoid it... and boyfriends- no, I'm no good, I'll just poison them with my negativity. All I need is a darn good hug and a darn good day and I'll be ready to face the next.
Why do I obsess of death, yet strive to live? Why the effort if I loathe this place? Shouldn't I wanna be left alone in a room? But I do, but it's bad. Why do I NEED my family so much and yet not WANT them at all? Why am I staying alive for certain individuals I'll never have the honour of meeting face2face? How can a website keep me breathing? Why do I let the past hold me back? Since when did I have to force myself to write things down to distract myself from committing suicide? How does an Atheist pray for help whenever she hits rock bottom? How is it possible for an exhausted person-mind tired, muscles weak and energies low- struggle to fall asleep each night? How can the mind tolerate such bullshit? My back is stiff as a board, muscles are so tensed and that headache's back again. To make matters worse... I'm out of Vodka, looks like there won't be any sorrow-drowning tonight then... :-(
Nothing to numb this pain. No friends to call. Why-oh-why did I top up my credit yesterday? To convice myself I had friends perhaps?... Half-term has started so it's back to my bed, re-living my 3 month summer holiday and blowing my nose into heaps of tissues.
I'm off to my room now... self pitying time has just kicked off.Ta Ta Folks.
P.S-Chris, for a minute there, I had the feeling you left to go on a permanent vacation! .......Mwah. xxxXxxx
23 Oct 2003 MauvaisSouhait Another meaningless day has passed by and again the only feeling i have inside of me is hurt. And to what Chris was saying about how it hurts, he is perfectly right. I refused to ride the bus home because i was always mocked, not even the junior high kids wanted to sit w/ me. At school when I go into a class and we sit where we want, there's no one who wants to sit by me and that hurts. I end up alone in the corner in the back of the room and all i do is write. I try to ignore all the comments and whispers i hear behind and beside me so i put myself into my writings or my books and it hurts to just know that i have to do that. I'm not popular at all, though my cousins who go to the school are. I don't try to be everyone else, i quit basketball years ago because popularity sucked and so now i'm just myself and by being myself i've noticed that i've lost all the friends i thought i'd had... including my family. When your best friend forgets all about you for her boyfriend and then comes to you when they have a problem it hurts. And it seems like all my friends have someone and i'm the one w/out. I'm not ugly, i'm not stupid, i'm just myself and i'm guessing that no one wants that and it hurts. Maybe a slow death would be worth it, maybe i should take up smoking like so many others and become a follower in the path of death. Sometimes i'm glad for the pain and suffering and all of these problems because it gives me a story and w/ that i can write. But then again all these problems are things i can't seem to get a handle over and maybe i should just kill myself. It doesn't seem like anything is worth while. With my luck i'll end up dropping out of college and never getting married. And i ask myself why anyone would want to be w/ me. I don't even want to be w/ me. But then again in another twisted thought, i'd rather be myself than be any other. Everytime i try to OD on pills they do nothing. i took a whole bottle the other day and didn't feel a thing... why isn't this working for me? why? And Chris, thanks
23 Oct 2003 Chris Visiting my local newsagent to buy a mobile-phone top-up voucher the other day, I was amazed to see a poster full of savage heavy metal lyrics pinned up behind the counter. As I handed over the money, I could distinctly detect the savage lyrics: 'Slow Death!', 'Immense Decay!'

But after adjusting my varifocal lenses to study the scene a little more closely, I realised that I was looking at racks of cigarette packets emblazoned with government health warnings.

Now, I know these cancerous cautions are nothing new, but since when did they become so predominant and explicit? Both smokers and non-smokers are probably shocked to see how the Marlboro logos and such like have been shrunk to the size of postage stamps to make room for giant messages that tell people they are going to die soon.

They say the world is turning into a nanny state- and it's absolutely true. These days, wherever you go, whatever you do, you're encouraged to be in mortal fear for your life. Why cannot people die quietly? Why should people fear death when this life is so full of hurt?

When I'm looking for someone to talk to to kill the time but find no one it hurts. When I ask for cooperation but I'm just laughed at it hurts. When I'm on a bus and the bus is full except the seat near to me but for some reason everyone prefers standing up than sitting next to me it hurts. When I pass a group of girls (or even boys) and they start laughing it hurts (What the fuck is so funny? Can anyone fucking explain?). When you see people that you know avoiding you so that they would not talk to you it hurts. When you're at a bar or party and a romantic song is played, everyone grabs his partner and dances to the the rythm. Only thing I can grab onto is my beer bottle. That hurts. When people come find you only when they need something it hurts. When everyone (even the ugliest people on the planet) seems to find a girlfriend or boyfriend except me it hurts. When people have a friend's shoulder to cry on but the only thing I can cry into is my pillow at night it hurts. When you're just bitched and mocked at by everyone for no apparent reason it hurts. When people make fun of you because of some defect you have it hurts...

Ok, I may be yelling and screaming like lots of you do. Ok, this might not be the writing that goes into the favourites. This is the broken heart of a broken man and I had to get it out and I don't give a fuck who likes it or not! I am dead but biologically alive. Might as well be dead among the biologically dead! Why don't they let us fucking die?

R.I.P Chris

P.S. Mauvais Souhait, just hang in there, I will send an e-mail or write something especially for you or do something. I don't know what I'm doing or saying but believe me I will, promise! You're a writer and a poet? It's not that we are born excellent writers or something, I understand that. Happy people don't have stories to tell, We do! Some call it depression, We call it a song!

Leanne, thanks for the Good Souls bit. Love that song. I had stopped believing in love. Since I met you, I think it might really exist xxxxxxxxxx And Mauvais, just hang in there luv

See ya all in hell!
18 Oct 2003 MauvaisSouhait Chris, your comments are interesting. I'd love to talk to you sometime if you're up for it. you should know my e-mail by now. thanks.
18 Oct 2003 Leanne2tiffany Tiffany, thanks for sharing your past experiences and im genuinely pleased (and a teeny bit jealous!) you've overcome that desire to end your life. my dad is an alcoholic and he also mentally&physically abused my mum, me&my brothers. And maybe one day, i hope some time soon, I'll get to where you are now because sometimes when reasons to live seem too few, all i need on a rainy day are chris's words, he is an excellent writer. I reckon your brother at this very moment is very pleased to see you're at peace with yourself.
18 Oct 2003 Tiffany I just found this site a few days ago and really felt close to the people responding to it. Chris is an excellent writer and Leanne sounds like a very good friend. As for the others who write very little, I hope I can help in some way. My little brother committed suicide last year. He will now be forever 18. It was the worst experience of my life. He dies every day in my mind and there is nothing I can do to help him. I also tried suicide twice, once at 15 and another time at 16. I was such a screw up I could not even succeed at that. I somehow made it through that with the help of my friends. I am now older and very thankful I screwed up my suicide attempts. My life changed so much that thinking of taking my own life now would never be an option. My family background is pretty screwed up too. My father just died in May from Alcoholism. And since my father was both mentally and physically abusive, my mom decided she would just be mentally abusive. Please email me if you want to talk about anything. I have a lot of experience with suicide.......
17 Oct 2003 Leanne2Chris&co. "As I turn to you and I say
Thank goodness for the good souls
That make life better
As I turn to you and I say
If it wasn't for the good souls
Life would not matter.

One good day of the week
And I'll be up again
One good day of the week
I'll be higher than the government..."
16 Oct 2003 Chris Now that September and summer are over... it can only mean one thing... it's time for my uncle to start boring everyone about skiing once again.

He took up skiing only five years ago at a time when he really should have been contemplating a more sedentary type of pastime. But you know how it is with men when they reach a certain age, they begin to feel the relentless march of time and as an antedote try and find something to convince themselves that anno domini will have no power over them. Sadly, most of them follow a predictable course and go out and either a) buy a bright red sports car, b) take to wearing clothes two sizes too small and a whole generation too young, c) start chasing after impossibly young girls with equally impossible asses or d) the old favourite booze. However attractive the above options are, I know that none would get past my uncle's wife (although I suspect she thinks that he does at least three of the above and has a red BMW Z3 stashed in a garage somewhere). So, my uncle took to the slopes instead. One of the few genuine regrets he has in life is that he didn't strap on a pair of skis twenty years ago. But it does have its downside (no pun intended), he has become such a bore on the subject, I find that he steers every conversation he's in around to skiing, he spends hours daydreaming about whizzing across the snow and worst of all he has to stop himself from wishing the time away until the season begins... remember he took up skiing in the first place because he was afraid that time was passing too quickly on his way to his own personal middle life crisis. But, his wife is happy, he goes skiing at every and any opportunity and she gets to have the whole bed to herself (instead of her normal 97% of it) for days on end. She just drops him at the airport and goes home to check that the life insurance is up to date. But his argument is "Which other sport has so much to offer? Clean fresh air, mountain scenery, bars and restaurants everywhere to refuel and on the chair lift up he enjoys a cigarette without bother from the Nicotine Nazis!"

And here is where my uncle has a good point. Although he is a bore on the subject, he is practising something good. Maybe the paradise island that my friend Leanne likes to mention is a little difficult to arrive to but we might go skiing, breathe the non-toxic, suicidal air, clear our minds, try to have a good time and while you're whizzing along the snow alone and with a clear mind get to know yourself more and try to get something positive out of yourself. It's good to know yourself before meeting all the other suicidal arses... although I still love the idea of the paradise island!

P.S Leanne, I've got a confession to make. This may sound lame like your friend's excuse about not giving you a Christmas card but this is the truth. I swear on a stack of bibles (or whatever you believe in) that I had the intention of sticking some kisses to you at the end of my last post but I'm so used to not giving kisses that I forgot! Actually I do blow quite some kisses, but always from afar. When I see a girl that once helped me in something or came to talk to me (not because she wanted something from me) I blow kisses from afar. Going up to her and hugging her and kissing her really is just not for me. First of all she will think I'm a nut (which isn't far off the mark really) and secondly she would be embarassed because she would want hugs and kisses from someone else and not from me. And after all people don't go berserk because they see someone who once helped them in a small thing or talked to them. But, you understand, for me it's so special because it happens very few times. Well, hope you believe me... these are for you xxxxx and by the way, Happy Birthday, (I know it's late to say it but I wanted to anyway), and I hope you enjoyed the cake xxxxx

See ya on the slopes...
14 Oct 2003 Leanne Happy Birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me-ee, happy birthday to me!.. Well actually it was yesterday but what the hell. (A bit of irony for you all here... I was born on the 13th). Something strange happened yesterday, my parents paid attention to me. It was wierd, it felt wrong, bad, naughty even. It's nice to see they are nice enough to pay the slightest bit of attention to me at least one day a year... awwwww. (If you're that desperate to know my age, do your homework, play Sherlock and go back in time.) Gay Punk, my hand is firmly up, coz I missed you. You know who else im missin... Just a Girl... seriously, this is bad, does anyone have an idea where she's got to? And Chris, I had a slice of cake last nite... and do you know what... I want another! Right now, there's an assignment heaped up in a pile to my left, it's staring and laughing at me coz it knows I haven't a clue what to do with it. So I'm taking up other more important activities such as saying hello to you guys in hope that it's gonna write itself or even better-disappear! I'm gonna look back at it now and I expect to see it gone... ..damn, it's still there. I dunno what else I can do to avoid it, I've done everything I can think of... such as cups of tea, seeing what's on T.V, silly conversations with my dog, what else is there? I'm not college material... what kind of polluted-intoxicating-London-smog-air was I high on at the time when I decided to enrol? And get this... I received another assignment on my B'day on.. 'Adolescence'! (Psychology-is that how you spell it?) :-(
Leanne xxx
P.S David Blaine is coming out of the box next monday! I'm thinking about going to that Paradise Island soon :-)

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