Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

Nom/email
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
24 May 2009 Garry Nicole, don't know you love, I care. Can't tell you what to do, but please, think.
23 May 2009 M.M. a.k.a.billy the freak the city heaves like the breath in her lungs. people bustle through the streets as the blood surges through her veins. i can feel this all around me... however, i sit alone in her bar. I want to be alone, only me and the bartender.
{hey, did you know i have the power to be anybody? i can go anywhere. yep. i can do anything, any-fucking-way i want to do it. however, tonight I sit alone. i sit in a basement level dive too dark to see the clock on the wall, yet bright enough to see the bar in front of me like a high definition painting in a cheap plastic frame. the pink neon light in the window screamed in its best cursive 'MOUCHETTE' a warm and ambient glow enveloping you like a womb welcoming all to her embrace. however, tonight i sit alone.
the bartender is mouchette and i am only a guest in her place. like me she has the power to be anything, but only in the minds of other people. if you were to ask her who she was, she would say she killed herself at the brink of thirteen and in death had second thoughts. not that she didn't want to kill herself, but wanted to know the best way to do it. now she plays a game and through this game she lives on.
tonight mouchette is a thirty something woman with the type of beauty that says you would like to love her, but wouldn't really be at your best only because you are intimidated by her razor sharp wit and her worldly charm... she has so many friends and you never feel good enough in her company. the intimate encounters are few and far between and you both want more. when you are away she is always in the back of your mind. i know all this and tonight she is only the bartender, why she is in this spittoon of a saloon could only be guessed, but i do know she is here... always here for me.
"mouchette! baby doll, please pour me another" i belted.
"billy, darling, no need to shout; i am right here and there is no one else in the bar" she said in a reprimanding tone", " another vodka and tonic i would bet?"
"right you are. you know me well "i said.
"i know you because you know you, you know me and right now... this is all we know" she replied.
"positively insightful mouchette, I say you inspire me. you are my muse." this i announced with a certain amount of glee, but not really understanding what she said. it sounded good enough.
"billy" she said while fixing my drink. "I am afraid the booze is your muse." she sat the drink down in front of me. she is speaking gobbity gook and suggesting i was an alcoholic. I was outraged.
"mouchette, you... how could you say this? do you want to hurt me? do you want me to feel bad?"
"again billy, this is all we know. I think you must ask yourself that question." she said again putting it back on me.
{what is her angle? what is she getting at? i want her to go with the flow.}
i took the drink in one gulp then slammed the heavy short glass motioning for another drink, nectar of the gods.
" vodka and tonic yes?" she called from across the bar.
"ha!! i would like a whiskey and coke, if you put pepsi in there i will fucking smack you." i said triumphantly. "you are slipping mouchette... maybe you are not my muse maybe this is just a joke."
"the joke is on you billy." she said in a tired voice and made the drink in the same dirty glass.
{and the joke was on me. i hate whiskey. in an attempt to be belligerent i asked for something i didn't want. what is this? do i have control? yes, i have all the control. when i am here i am king and she is the servant. So why do i feel so helpless.}
the neon light from out side the bar shined through my half empty short glass, casting glimmers of light onto the slick bar top. the lights danced across the fine finished wood as i turned the glass between my thumb and index finger. suddenly i felt alone. no longer alone by choice, but alone... just helplessly alone.
"well billy, I'm here" felicia said out of nowhere.
"how did you get here." I asked.
"you let me in silly, what kind of question is that?" was the condescending reply.
now i am simply sick of this shit.
"are you going to fuck with me too felicia!" i shot the whiskey down my throat and the words and fumes came out my mouth like fire.
"i don't know how you got here. i don't know why you keep coming back. i didn't open that fucking door you waltzed in here yourdamnself."
"billy right now you want me here. i found the door and walked through it just like you did. billy, ask yourself these questions and you will find the answers you are looking for". felicia ordered a mineral water and drank while i thought about what she said.
i first came here when i was sixteen it was 1998 ten years passed and now i am twenty six. i found this place when i was contemplating suicide. we all know i'm no strait lacer who tied up his shoes to awalk on the wild side. i never gave anything too much, and got so much in return. she was always here when i needed her. at times she made me feel special, at times she couldn't have made me feel more worthless. I would run away, but only in presence and in the stealth of the night i would visit. the price i pay is her always haunting me, for not a day goes by... not a day goes by. did i want a suicide kit for christmas? not really, i just wanted to show other children how to play with the toy. i am no longer a child, but i still play with this toy. i'll still show to get the max amount fun even if you just watch the other children. something eternal made fameous by the hands of its creator. that's it.
"felicia i come here because, as long as people come here i cannot die... i will live forever. this is the gift she gave me and i tell you, i don't know if i deserve it". just when i thought i was opening up felicia started to laugh a hysterical laugh. then lucy and phil joined in. chris and will snow chime in and it is now a chorus of laughter. joe lee, mackellar, elaine, odd orange, dead inside, just a girl, and many others have the bar quaking with laughter. in spite of myself i start to chuckle as well, but i had to ask.
"felicia why are we laughing?"
"although it sounds like an oxymoron in the most basic sense, you wanting to live forever is all fine and good" she said as she points across the bar with her finger resting towards the bartender "but what happens when she dies?"
that very moment i had a revelation and with that change in my mind a change happened in mouchette. her cigarette burned eyes stared at me as she poured me another vodka and tonic, her smile was just crack on her plastic face.

billy the freak
23 May 2009 agustina i want to write in the conversations
23 May 2009 Garry I have recieved my reply from Mouchette, my intention I suppose is to show people that I am still alive. Although I drink more than a fish at the present, I have had a knife to wrists, but only made superficial wounds, I have hung myself by my own belt from the back of a door, but fought like hell to stay alive. Although my wanton desire to die may exist, I am still here. What does that say to people? I pray to die in my sleep most nights and it does'nt happen, maybe I have to stay for a reason. what I don'nt understand, is how a person can make a decision about you being the right person, you change that person's life, give them everything only for them to change their minds later on, what has happened to the world and....Love? Stay with me and post your thoughts here, all are listening!!
22 May 2009 The Sadness Tree "Sleep, those little slices of death, how I loathe them."

- Edgar Allan Poe

The Sadness Tree
http://www.thesadnesstree.com/
22 May 2009 God Why? Is this real!?

Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!
21 May 2009 M.M. a.k.a. billy the freak hello friends,
emzyme,
you...i don't know what to say. you are certainly thought provoking. you are so right, mediocrity is sure fire way to a simple life. i find being educated, talented, and different in a dumbed down society makes you a target on many levels. i live in a place where they cannot read, but can certainly multiply further diluting humanity. am i renegade? am i an anomaly? i don't feel as if i'm a part of everything else.
cassie olivia,
please, before you kill yourself consider billy's suicide solutions to give you the perfect end to a not so perfect life. email me for a quote.
time warp,
you really should only stay up till 3:00 in the morning if you are reading through my past post. these can be found in mouchettes favourites archive and of course in the fameous users search under billy. watch the movie donnie darko i think this will put some of your thoughts in perspective.
oh, elaine and joe lee great to see you again. now lets see if we can get some of our old friends to visit.
I think we need more friends to make the game interesting.

billy the freak
21 May 2009   Hey guys, really I was going to do it, but i decided that id give it another chance... And now im happy, eventhough i still have problems, most probably more than what i had at the time, i konw how to deal with it now. I think its a question of getting to know yourself. There was a great entry a while back, it was about a monk and a guy and the reason for life, go check it out. it made me think
21 May 2009 Anna Pills from parents med cabinet. There is always something at least as lethal as aspirine, in proper dosage can be deadly. Plus, noone asks questions when kid is buying aspirine...
20 May 2009 nicole i think that if i juss drank 3 bottles of the sleep medicine in the cabinet i wont hurt and it would be easier for me too and shit nobody would care
20 May 2009 lysistrata when you kill yourself, the wrong shit wins...there's life after you're a teenager (seems like everyone forgot that here)...and what makes you a loser is taking the pussy way out of life just because someone is mean to you. grow a pair. life isn't easy for anyone and you're ignorant and blind if you think even one person on this planet feels good and safe...we are all confused--and how are u supposed to decipher this crazy reality we live in if give up your time early? Memento Mori...we all meet this end someday...it is inevitable, needs no help...the trick to life is staying alive LONGER than the assholes that fuck it up...u won the lottery when you were born THINK ABOUT IT...what were the odds that YOU get to see this place...I used to think about suicide a lot...but I've decided I'm a fighter, not a pussy who's gonna let all the dicks in the world fuck me out of my life...i won't fuck myself out of it either
19 May 2009 ssf this site is still around and i havent been here since mid2006ish. wow! im shocked it hasnt ben shutdown yet.
19 May 2009 munster. The end of the world is 2012.

That's like 2 and a half years from now.

Might as well hang on and see how it all ends, eh?
19 May 2009 lost pretty much read most of your reasons you guys suck. i want to kill myself because i live in a fucked up country with a fucked up judicial system. MY father started as a congressman then later won as a senator apparently he screwed with bigger fish and wat they did in return was to fucking destroy him by providing some woman witness which by the way was an admitteddrug user and guess who did those fucked up individuals chose? ME! but fucking truth be told i was in california when it fucking happened. had all kinds of evidences from documents to fucking over fifty witneses attesting i was had a paycheck issued to me close to the date even had days proving i was working round about the time that heinous fucking crime happened three women stabbed to death. best part we lost the fucking case.
18 May 2009 Garry I'm 37 and my wife of 18 years has just cheated on me with a guy 10 years younger. I have know of her sordid affair for 5 months and have tried to be supportive until she admitted sleeping with him, then clams up on me and does not talk. I am now alone and in so much pain. The wine has no taste, food no flavour, the sunshine offer no joy and you cannot smell the returning spring. I want to end my life so much. My 3 children are sickened with her, but what do i do?
I want it all to be over. If I had the balls, I would have done it by now, but the hours are ticking away and I can feel it coming. I have been sleeping on floor for nearly a year, I'm not at home, she has cheated me and I have lost all. I've been through medication like smarties and gone cold turkey at Easter, as it amlified the suicidal thoughts and nightmares were intense. I wish I could offer hope, but, cannot where there is only desparity. I wish you luck in life and all of you are in my thoughts.
16 May 2009 Enzyme O.K. my charming undead miscreants. Captain Enzyme is back with more. I really should be writing my screenplay but I do love all you demon bats so. Gotta post. First off, it seems that old shuddering hag, "lack of love/loss of affection/isolation" is still bogging everyone down. Again and again. She’s a suppurating spinster that won’t relax her grip on your throats my dears. So let’s take her on. Many of us naturally suffer from the paradox of a loveless, peppermint-flavored existence. Counting on our clawed fingers the people that adore us. The list diminishes. You choke on the hissing feline sensation that you’re a cog in the machine, a drowsy doddering afterbirth, shuddering and clawing your face off while no one takes notice, yes? I know my darling dryads, I know. Truth is, the acquisition of other humanoids who adore you is a poor qualifier of one’s merit. Think upon those slogging peons you know who have the adoration of other carbon-biased forms of life. Honestly, are they as lusciously sensitive as you? Do they wrap their animal spirits in warping insanity and eternal goblin delight? Didn’t think so. How many times have they watched “Labyrinth”, huh? Most likely they are not interesting, not in the cosmic “Dirk Bogarde” sense anyway. Run of the mill (great term!). Why? Because the less complex of a creature you are, the easier it is for others to convince themselves they ‘love’ you. The more of a blank attractive slate you are, the simpler it is for others to project their ideals upon your Etch-A-Sketch scalp. We beasts of the underworld are few and far between. A rarified endangered species, and we can only truly mate or flourish around our own kind. You know of what I speak. Some of you may even be married, with comrades abounding, but still the grip of chaos and isolation tightens inside your golden ribcage. The shuddering clarity you fear is omnipresent. Deep down in the copper mine of yourself you know they are not your real tribe. Not your breed of cerebral cortex. So you feel alone. Pitiful. Trapped. All you really long for is other rare shuddering psychokinetic underlings who, like, really really “grok” you, man. Naturally you’re going to be disappointed if you expect us to be around every corner. It’s like digging up your yard looking for moles and expecting every mole you find to be a rare Brazilian naked mole-rat with corrugated albino eyes worth millions on the naked mole-rat black market. ‘Aint gonna happen. Nor would you want it to, think of the adverse effect it would have on the mole market’s price fluctuation. Regardless, you see the point I’m making here. So what can you do? Well, think of your vibrating demonic dawn-soul as a submarine beacon humming and transmitting radio signals out across the interstate to the rest of your creed. If you are indeed an endangered species you owe it to the rest of us to stay alive, if only so the ecosystem isn’t clogged with boring happy people who love life, have great sex, and walk around with frozen grins on their Plasticine features. Can’t let those punks win out. What would you say to the last of the endangered monkey-whales drifting through the cataclysmic deep of the ocean’s womb? Cherish your rarity. And invest in naked mole-rats.

Love Enzyme, of the Petrified Forest.

P.S. Plus, by some miracle you could grow up, meet Mouchette at some subterranean cocktail party, fall in love, and travel around the country killing people and living in tree houses ala “Badlands”. Hey, it could happen, you never know…
16 May 2009 Cassie-Olivia Well I Havent Tried Anything Yet Really, Only Havee Been Slitting My Wrists On Thursday Night I Slit My Wrist Open With Glass And Was Bleeding For Two Hours, I Need Help But Im Slowly Loosing Friends, But Theres No Need Too Kill Yourself...Everyones Dieing Every Second! I Cry Most Nights Because Im Having Loads Of Trouble With My Family, I Need Help Can Anyone Suggest Anything Im Thinking Of Hanging Myself. Im Not Sure Need Help Anyone?
14 May 2009 Fred Tell your dad you slept with his best friend !!!
14 May 2009 vee well im 17 aht the moment, aht 13 ive never thought of killing my self, but the past 2 years i have... right now i feel like hanging my self, im looking around in the net the best way to du it. i cant live my life nomoa, i jst feel so sad angri. but mostli sad
14 May 2009 set free i want out of this misery. i want to kill myself. if i have disapperaed off the earth in a week please dont cry for me and know im free. my soul hurts and im through with this shit. a knife is good for cutting and so is a blade but a gun can end this pain of unlovingness, and hurting without no more than a quick pull. its no longer important to try and impress nobody. id rather be dead and have my soul set free!

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