Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
27 May 2005 P.D hey everybody... most people will never get a chance to read this ever... expecially the people who matter. ive been scuicidal since my first sexual experience... it was christmas holidays and i never thought of doing anything with a girl, it didnt even cross my mind (i was a 16 yr old virgin). Next thing u kno we were partying with these girls.. and everybody was making out and havin a good time... cept me... eventually a girl noticed that i was kinda down... and without reason started to kiss me... the night dragged on and i found her in my bed... i didnt have sex with her or anything.. we just made out... i was hella afraid of what shed think of my 5.5 inch (thingie). The next day i asked her out.... and she told me she didnt want a boyfriend.... two days later she was dating my friend... i asked her about it and all she was said was "FUCK, I just wanted to get laid man".... i literally flipped out and wrecked everything in our house.. my brother had to hold me down so i wouldnt hurt myself... my parents made me see these docters who gave me pills.. WHAT A FUCKING JOKE... there like uhhh ya... here are sum pills that will make u uhhhh dizzy and ull just want to fucking kill yurself wearing a goddamn smile... thus the walking in on other people haveing intercourse just fucked me right up... what bad luck, 5 occasions of witnessing your friends fuck since they were 16 and your now 18 drives u insane!!!! WHY CANT I BE IN LOVE?! WHY CANT I MAKE LOVE TO A WOMAN!? AM I JUST TOO THIN AND SCRAWNY?!......
than i met a girl.. she asked me to graduation... she had a boyfriend already and i was SOOO in love with her.. we got along like a perfect match! she told me that if her and her boyfriend werent going out or ever broke up that itd b me shed start to date... hahahahaa wow... i fell for it too. She ditched me 4 days b4 my grad... she broke up with her boyfriend the day b4 grad too.... and she instantly started dating another guy... well... ive tryed to kill myself once... i tell myself every other minuit of every day that i will do it... im now currently in love with the most beautiful girl in the world!!! inside and out!! she flirts with me so much and uses me just like any other girl!! she has a boyfriend tho... she just fuckin taunts me... she knows she can have me at anytime but she just toys me around!!! IM SO FUCKING ANGRY AT HER!!! but im so in love..... i dont want to die i really dont.... but i feel like its the only way to releive an unseen tension... i should knock on her door and shoot myself in the face when she opens the door.... PLEASE HELP ME ANYBODY!!! IM FROM ALBERTA CANADA AND I REALLY NEED HELP!! THIS IS A DESPERATION CALL!! I MIGHT HURT MYSELF!!!!!!

Please i need real help from someone with experience's similar to mine or dealking with the same mental issues.

23 May 2005 nobody lies me i totally fucking agree with exactly everything [starved to deah says] now to hell with the fucking rest of ur god and christian shit, its totally fake so fuck off.
22 May 2005 Starved of Death I am 14 and I have severe anxiety and depression. I am female and I want to meet others who also want to die. I'm not ready just yet to commit suicide, but I get closer each day. I am a cutter, I also burn myself occasionally and sometimes I bang my head on walls. I have been cutting for about four months. My worst cut was one that needed two stitches, but I never went to a hospital, I just kept it bandaged with antibiotic cream, and now it's fine.

I do NOT want any of you Christian fucks emailing me, telling me to go the way of God to make my life livable. There is no such thing as God, and if there is, then he must think he's one funny guy, making all of us suffer like this.

I am in a lot of emotional pain. Every day I wish to die, and the pain gets so great sometimes that I lose the ability to think straight and I feel like I don't understand anything.

I also smoke when I can get a hold of cigarrettes, I drink when I can get liquor or beer, and if I ever get weed or crystal meth, I will try it.

The human race disgusts me, and I hate all sports except hockey, which is something I'm actually good at. I like writing demented poetry that no one gets.

I want to meet other people like me, people who actually know what I am talking about. I am NOT looking for help. Only understanding. Do not email me if you want to try and talk me out of my misery. It won't work.
21 May 2005 nobody likes me hey inoccence faded bitch u dont ever fucking fuck with a mental and sucidal person. and after u have made that comment, eat your moms crayola crayons that she give u for christmas. ive had enough of this bullshit im gonna fucking hunt you down
17 May 2005 InnocenceFaded Eat all the Crayola crayons in the nice new big box your mommy gave you for Christmas.
09 May 2005 Revelation I've dropped in depression before and i've been suicidal. I've cut my wrists, slashed my arms, smashed my head against walls and punched any object which could possibly draw blood. I have not only used knives but other objects which all seem to have a different effect of freedom and relief.

But i am proud to say i have overcome that feeling of nothing and how no one cares. Although my circumstances at home are not like everyone else i hold my head high and smile. I am a christian and i have found a meaning to live. I love life and i love God, it wasn't easy getting out of depression.

I turned against my friends, family and even myself. But despite everything i threw away i found myself not content with the fact that I was the one stopping myself from becoming the person i could be.

I've planned my death before, i even began the typical poem writing of death. You know... honestly... we are so YOUNG! There is a whole life out there that we are only just starting to see. I am 16 and if your younger than me i tell you now, don't throw your life away like no one cares. God loves you and so do i.

If anyone wants to talk them send me an email. I know what it's like and i never want to go down that road again because it's not worth it. Life is too good when you have God by your side.

Come on guys, my mum died when i was 9 years old. Everyone thought i didn't understand so they didn't pay me any attension. I knew everything, i saw years of pain and suffering. I endured hell and i still am till this day i am suffering from the effects of a loved one close to me.

I am a victim of someone who has died, it wasn't her choice either. But you have no idea what your actions do to other people.

Dead isn't the answer.
04 May 2005 Sarah I'm 14 tomorrow and it should be really like a great day and stuff and i know my friends have got me great presents and I've been going on about it for ages but I really wasn't supposed to be here for this birthday. Four days before Christmas I took a massive overdose with alcohol. I had planned it for months. My mum found me and I was in hospital for ten days and them moved to a physciatric unit. I will succeed eventually and I already know when I will try again. Loads of people were really shocked when they found out cos I come across as this really bubbly, happy person but I'm not. I wanna cry every minute of every day. I keep a razor blade in the back of my mobile which kind of comforts me. I have cut myself for about 3 years now. I have noticed that the cuts are getting deeper and deeper every time. I know to a lot of people have a great life but I just can't see the point in it. It's hard and painful, you get so hurt. I don't think how I feel will ever go completely away I will always live with it. I want to die. I wish there was a switch. The one thing I want is the last thing I will ever get.
03 May 2005 chantel hi my name is chantel well every one hates me.when i was 10 my dad watched my uncle rape me i sat there in pain and looked in the window and i will never forget the face he had on him it wa sliek he was happy a year later he had hald a gun to my head and that same yeah my sister ( christina) shot her self be cuz of guy problems my mo left me i herd that she talks about me but not in good wasy i here she calls me names and its like shr doe snot even know me i have not seen her for a while but sence i was 13 i have been cutting every day i cut it getts deeper and deeper and deeper i started taking pills i would take 8 and then i would take 14 the next week i started tripping out at 14 i got to the point wher i took 41 oills but it faild it did not kill me my boyfriend and i have been togetaher for a year and 5 months he hits me and calls me names and al iw nat is some one to love me every one tells me what a disappointment i am and it hurts i cut almost every night now ever sence 3 weeksa ago i try and fomd some bare skin on my body that i have not yet cut and slice it i need help i dont wanna cut i do but i do i know i should not take pills and cutt and drink and do drugs like i do i wanna stop but when i try to they drive me crazy and one dat i am ganna end up shotting myself like my sister i am alomist pushed to teh end too...........................can any one help me thanks
02 May 2005 Princess Oblivious I don't know. I thought about tylenol when I was 14 but after going to a psychologist, he told me it would hurt (I think he was lying). I can't stand pain. Sometimes things pile up and it really feels like it should end. But I got over it and I want to gie you advice, but I don't know what to say because everyone's case and cause is different. Some people just want attention while others really need someone. I am a christian. I still thought about suicide. Don't blow me off because I think there is a god. All I can say is that it is really good to have someone to talk to sometimes. Find someone.
02 May 2005 chrissy i dunno wat to say, im not gonna encourage ppl to do the 'deed', but here's wat i have to say...ok well my lyf isnt as bad as the pplz on this syt, but like i 14 and i've been depressed since i was about 11, but things have gotten really bad this year, i mean i went to a new skool and now they see me for me, the way i am, depressed.a few months ago i crushed a glass in my hand and i had to go to hospital for that, i have butterfly stitches on my arm from cutting myself and i have to take antipsycotics, to help with my depression, alot of my frends are depressed and that doesnt help, ive almost commited suicide a couple of times, and yer, i have to see loads of counselour ppl but nothings seems to work, im close to going to hospital and things just keep getting worse, my mum thinks things are getting better, but they're not.i dont no wat to do ani more!
30 Apr 2005 -X-Laura-X- Hey people!..
Well, In have tried to kill myself three times, and obviously, both times didn't work. Every single day, I'm thinking about death and suicide.
Last Thursday, someone in my school (I'm 14 b the way) told one of my teachers that I was really and depressed and suicidal. I am so pissed off about that! If this teacher ever tells my mum, I think theres only one thing for it..
I'm a Christian, and no way do I wanna go to hell. I brought this up, because many people have been saying to me that I would go to hell if I commit suidide, and I'm not really sure what to believe. I don't even believe in myself for gosh sakes!
Two of my best friends killed themselves last year, and I don't think they are in hell..they were really good people and had no right at all to go there.
Well..I dunno what else to say, but if anyone needs to chat or something, just e-mail me or add me to their's
See ya's all later..hopefully!
Bye xxx
29 Apr 2005 viciously tempered the best way to kill yourself ? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ....... well i wouldn't know ,but if i had to choose out of all the ways you can go out is to OD. perferible heroin. now Iv'e never in my life did drugs and i probably never will. But I im suffering though a depression of my own. and I am only 14. but life is cruel then and some kid is always going to be an asshole ( aspecially if your different) but you have to think of it this way do you really care that much about some spoiled snotnose bastard that barely knows you? or if you really want to go through with this and u are a christian think about where u would end up. IN Hell! now how smart is that. your coming from a hell on earth going to the real one. but after all it's your life to end and if all else fails go to your local drug dealer and buy a kilo of the H and go fucking crazy!
28 Apr 2005 depressed I am 21, I never thought I would accually make it to be 21. Since I was 14 I have been suicidle. I was raped when I was 15 and a virgin till then. My father left my family when i was in the 2nd grade, and took all his money with him. I was used to being a rich little girl, then thrown into the life of poverty. My mother has always treated me differently than all my brothers. I am the only girl, and I never got anything from my mom. On christmas, my brothers would get new clothes and toys and I would only get like a pair of 5 dollar pj's. What is sad is that my birthday is on christmas too and would get no presents. I am a very quite person and keep to myself. I got kicked out of one school though by one of my failed suicide attempts. I tried to overdose at school. I would get asked out by boys, but I would just walk away because of my anxiety. I cant talk to anyone without shaking, turning red, and then crying. I made good grades in high school, and went away to college with loans. I didn't make it in college though. I have a problem with being with allot of people and have sevear anxiety attacks. I am extreamly depressed all the time, and my anxiety attacks got so bad that I would never leave my room. Another factor of my college failure, is the girls were very mean to me, and threw gum in my hair and in my seat, and would right lesbo on my sign in sheets. Not because i am ugly, but because at that time i was skinny and pretty. Because i wouldnt eat at the cafeteria because of my anxiety. I went a week sometimes without eating. I then had to go back to my home. My mother is not all right in the head, and she thinks she is being followed and there are bugs in the house listening to her and all those crazy things. She now thinks that I am an undercover spy telling "someone" everything she is doing and everywere she is going. When in accuallity I havn't talked to one single person in over a year now. I can't leave the house very often because I get these anxiety attacks and start crying uncontrolibly for hours. My mom doesn't understand anything about me, i told her about my anxiety and that I probobly needed help and she just laughed in my face. I start crying uncrolibly often, and she tells me "who told you to act this way, your just trying to make me look like a bad mother" she has kicked my out of the house before, and that is when i try to kill myself. I tell my mom I have tried to kill myself over 10 times, and she doesnt believe me. I am starting to think I can't die, I have tried so many times. I have tried sliceing my rists, and I guess i didnt cut deap enough. I have tried electricution. Puting a hair dryer in my bath with me didnt work. It just broke my hair dryer. I tried it with the toaster too. It also didnt work. I have tryed overdoasign many times. I took 100 zanex bars that I bought by taking money out of my credit card, with a bunch of alcehol. I woke up 3 days later, not dead :(. Just with a large bill I cant pay. I would get extreamly drunk and try to crash my car, and i ended up getting a dwi. My life is worthless. I want to die. I think about killing myself at least 20 times a day. I am now stuck with colleg loan bills, credit card bills, adn court fees with no way to make money. My mom pays for my brothers school, and will never help me though. I have no money to get profeshional help, or maybe some anxiety meds or anti depressants. My mom wont help me, because she thinks she will make her look like a bad mother. I get yelled at constantly by my mom telling me to just act normal. She doesnt get that I can't. I want to die. When I get my hands on a gun, then my hell on earth will finually be over. Till then my suffering continues, unless I get lucky and find a way to just die.
24 Apr 2005 B u b b a W o r s h i p Start by listening to music of depression. Kurt Cobain would be a very , very good way to start. Any grunge music, goth music, metal , thrash, punk, glam , doom, and my personal style of writing music which I call possessed is a hell of a goddamned way to start.. Then while you listen and learn to love the music, start drinking lots of alcohol, clear liquor specially. then move to marijuana, the to every kind of pill you can think of, then cocaine, the lsd and shrooms, the more and more alcohol and beer, 3 packs of cigarettes a day, then eventualy heroin and strong doses of morphine.. Oh and another thing, the pill valium really aggravates heroin and the like.. So basically become a fucking junkie and die a slow death from drugs and alcohol and cigarettes. Or become a junkie and get so depressed that you shoot yourself, throw yourself in front of a train, hanging, jump from tall building or bridge, poisin urself with just about any house hold cleaning prducts from drain o to furniture polish, or all of that at the same time.. Oh and a couple other things,,,,,, if you want to hang yourself use thin metal wire for it will most likley cut your whole head off when you jump. AND ONE LAST SPECIALLY WORD FROM MYSELF. IF YOU ARE GOING TO KILL YOURSELF BEFORE YOU DO IT CUSS GOD UNTILL YOU CANT TALK OR SHIT YOURSELF. cAUSE HE IS MOST LIKELY THE MAIN PERSON YOUR PISSED AT FOR PUTTING YOU ON THIS GODDAMNED EARTH AND GIVING YOU ALL THE ABILITIES TO MAKE YOU DEPRESSED AND WANT TO KILL YOUR SELF IN THE FIRST PLACE.. iF GOD WAS AS REAL AND PERFECT AS CHRISTIANS SAY HE IS THEN WHY HASNT HE MADE A CURE FOR NOT KILLING YOURSELF.... SO BASICALLY WHAT I AM SAYING IS TO KILL GOD, KILL YOURSELF, KILL EVERYONE THAT FUCKS WITH YOU AND HOPEFULLY WE CAN ALL GO TO HELL WHERE AT LEAST THERE WOULD BE INTERESTING PEOPLE UNLIKE HEAVEN WHERE YOU WORSHIP THAT BASTARD FOR ETERNITY.. BY AND I HOPE YOU GET YOU KILLING DONE ON THE FIRST TRY CAUSE IT IS THAT MUCH HARDER THE SECOND TIME AROUND
14 Apr 2005 Connor hey, my name is Connor and Im 13 right now. well, i think about suicide alot, when i was a little kid, i would sit on my bed in my room listening to my parents scream at eachother, my dad would push my mom around and i think he hit her once, by the time i was 5 my dad was whipping me with a big leather workout belt. When i was 10 he starting making me humiliate myself when he did that by making me take off my pants and underwear and having me lean over his bed in his room, where he would whip for awhile. Now he is like, uber religious and he had me going to this christian school. Whenever i would mess up on something it would be the whipping, he also gave me a fat lip, hit me in the head with a cloths hanger and through me across the hallway, he would mentally abuse me too, now im one of those guys that just cant seem to lose weight and its not something im proud of, he would tell me things like im a fat selfish pig and that he shouldnt feed me, so maybe id look a little better. Well anyways, he beat me up a few time, i mean he would start in the car, rapping his arm across the seat and into my stomach and chest. then when we got inside he would take me to the basement and push me down, he would then start kicking me in the back and hitting me in the face. well, finally i told me real mom(my parents are divorced and i called the police on him) i dont think i have ever felt as free as i did when that happened. Its just a feeling of triumph, listen, i seriously contemplated suicide, many times, i ended holding a knife to my throat one night after a beating. but the only thing that stopped me was my other family and the fact that, come on, anyone can do great things, everyone has a future, dont you wanna see that future? now dont get me wrong, i think about suicide, what teenager dosent? but just think about all that, and if your family does still love, imagine how much you will hurt them, the world dosent hate you, you can find help, someone is always willing to help, especially teenager and below.
25 Mar 2005 Chris Well, it's me again. I'm here, even though I don't want to the guy extremely depressed guy with bipolar. Some people gave me suggestions on how to kill myself, but I then, before I tried it, they told me they were fucking around...which you know, pisses me off. When I got a few emails of peoples advice, I was, estatic. I thought oh, awsome! Finally, a way out. What I am coming to think, is that this thing is full of people who don't actually want to commit suicide and don't take this shit seriously. So, coming from someone who is truly depressed, if you're not gonna actually do it, or even give helpful advice, you if you think this is a joke, FUCK YOU. You guys are fucking little kids, entertaining you're simple, sadistic minds. SO. If any of you have actually or real advice, please email me.....
09 Mar 2005 Chris I am bipolar...the medical condition when your chemically imbalanced, and go through excessive, extreme, long durations of deep depression. Its unadvoidable. My father had the same condition, and he commited suicide when I was young, about 8 or 9. It really fucked me up inside. Since that day, I have not shed one tear, for anybody or anything. It's horrible feeling like this, I just want an end to it all. want to end it without pain. So I have tried to shop for guns and cynaide on the internet, but have failed because I need government forms to be able to attain them....I have even tried looking for different ways to end it all on the net, because drinking chemicals like paintstipper or bleach or even poison dont really appeal to me...but if i have too... But that is how I came here. Nobody knows abotu my position. I don't trust a psychologist, or anybody else. They wil ltry to prevent it, when I only want an end. I have to admit, it kind of relieves some of the pain and and stress just typing it here. I doubt I will be here in a few weeks. I just want an end...I just want it soon....
05 Mar 2005 Christine Dobreva Last week, I slitted my wrists, it was all bleeding so bad...It didn't hurt at first, though. I wanted to commit suicide, but I...just couldn't make. Coz of my boyfriend, I suppose. But the great reason is that I can't really stand my mom. She never wanted me, and I can't move out since I'm 17 only. But that will happen soon. She is the one who shouts at me all the time, calling me names, hitting me, bumping my head in the wall, throwing knives over me, trying to not let me go home in the evenening when I get back from school. I've been suicidical for 10 years or more now. Have tried pills, blades, knives, fire...practically almost everything you can imagine. And I just make it to the hospital and them bastards save me. Why...I do believe in God and I love him. I know I'll go to hell and won't do any good by killing myself, but there are times when I just can't take it anymore. I'm in a constant depression and I never want to go back home. When I'm in the lift in out block of flats, I just make the cross sign, and pray to God I'll be able to face the next fight with my mom. She never listens to me, she never understands me, and I can't take it. I love school coz I feel safe there. I don't feel safe at home. And I never will. It's fucked up, and I'm ruined inside. I'm considered beautiful, thoughtful and funny, but I'd give it all away, just to know my "mother" won't let me down again. I'd sell my soul to anyone, just to know I won't go back home...
22 Feb 2005 Religious Maggie It's snowing where I live so I've been boob-sledging in the snow. It's great fun. God is away on business so I'm trying to have as much fun as I can without him. He's gone to help the Pope out. Unfortunately he was busy giving me a divine boob-job when that Tsunami disaster happened so didn't make it in time. But it doesn't matter darlings, the Christians's believe that it was "God's will" anyway. Just like they will believe it's his will if the Pope gets better, but if God doesn't make it in time and the Pope dies they will also believe that it's God's will.

You see in the religious world everyone's a winner, especially my poosy, which is why I have devoted my life to God.
11 Feb 2005 lauren my life is not as bad as many people on this website. I have thought about suicide many times. And although I was not strong enough to follow through with my actions, I did wright a suicide note. Please read this if you are thinking about suicide. If you are still going to do it after this note, please contact me. I will be glad to hear what you have to say. Take care.

Dear Friends, Family, Strangers, Aquaintences, etc.

I, Lauren, no longer have the desire to live.

For as long as remember, I was not needed or wanted. I was always the annoying girl, or the girl who wanted to be like everyone else. That is completley and totally true. I was not as pretty as the popular girls and obviously not as high in status. I was mediocre. I was not a loser but not poopular. Which killed me. I tried making friends with the popular girls, but they quickly got rid of me. I was kicked out of the cool table in 8th grade. Thats ok though. Because those girls were not my true friends. And those evil bitches know who they are. They were they girls who thought they were Gods gift to the world. The girls who walked down the halls and only looked at you to see what you were wearing or how your hair looked. These were the girls who never saw past your clothes or designer fashions. Popularity and acceptance were like fire in their eyes. They needed it and would do anything to possess it. To these girls I say, forget about the material things in life. Hold on to all the good things that surround you. Your true friends and the family that care so much for you. Although I despise these prissy whores, I do feel for them. Because I also know how it feels when you know that people talk about you behind your back. And i was jealous of the popular girls for a while. I wanted their clothes and jewelry and looks and above all else, their acceptance. Now, that im older, I realize how foolish these "popular" girls were. and how I am better off not being their friend.

My family however I can honestly say that I do not need. You may think that this is selfish and mean of me, when you know the real reason I feel this, then maybe you will understand me a little bit better. Keep in mind that I am 16 years old and everything is 100x worse in my mind than it actually is:
My mother, Tara, is one of the worst women I have ever known. since before I can remember, this evil woman had abused me. When it wasn't physically, it was mentally. And when it wasn't mentally, it was emotionally. And so on and so forth. For reasons beyond my knowledge, my mother had hit me or cursed me. I used to think that maybe I was a bad kid. That I answered her back one too many times and maybe I deserved the slap to the face or the bruise on my arm. But now that I am a little bit older, and a little bit wiser she knows not to hit me often. Once in a while I will get a hit here or there. That however doesnt compare to the emotional abuse she put me through. Tara had always been known around my house to have a temper. And taking out her temper on me would be the highlight of her day. I have come to know myself as "cunt or bitch or stupid fuck". I have been told that people from the dad to my sisters to even my grandmother hated me. And having such a weak state of mind, I believed her. I believed that I wasnt loved. And that everyone hated me. She contributed to my death in a large part. As much as she would like to say this was my own fault, I hope forever that she has to bear the fact that although not intentionally, she killed her oldest daughter.
My father, Buzzy, is a perfect example of a trying parent. While trying to keep the screams of his and my mothers fights silenced, he failed to see his postion as not a father, but a daddy. He was the enforcer oif the house. In my point of view he was there to hand out punishments and enforce rules. He was not there to love. Buyt there to fear. He was a rather unfair father and did not show mercy in anything he did. He overeacrted about grades and cared too much about the little things. He was a large part of making my life hell. One day my mother hit me so hard my nose bled, I called him crying and he did nothing about it. His silence showed me that he wasn't there to help me. He was there to make our "perfect" family look perfect. Thats all he cared about. Even though he didnt know it, he slowly caused my death.
My sisters. Sami and Dyanna. I love them with all my heart and soul. They are what kept me alive. Although I acted as if I hated Sami, I didnt. What I did hate was that she was the favorite. That my mother didnt hit her and call her names like she did to me. My parents were always on Samis side in whatever happened. I hated that she was loved and I wasnt.
Life at my high school was perfect. In that school there are no popular people and i was finally accepted for who I was. I had made many friends. Some who will be in my heart forever. I will cherish the memories I had made with them and will never forget them and will be with them always. These people were the ones that held me together. The ones who helped me out with any little problem. The peice if advice I leave with you girls, Jess, Katie, Meg, Britt, and Amanda, is that you keep eachother close. Please dont let the little things get in the way of the beautiful friendships you've created for yourselves.
Francesca. My best friend in the entire world. The person who holds my secrets. The girl who I can confide in. I am so sorry that I did this. To me, there was no way out. I hope that you will be able to forgive me. Please remember the 9 amazing years we've shared as best friends. I will always keep your secrets and memories close to my heart. I will love you always my best friend.
Steve. Many people might not know about Steve. Only the important people know who he is. Steve is the person I fell in love with. He is the guy who made my depressed sad world liveable. For a short while anyway. Steve, although you live in another state, and we were never close to eachother, I have loved you with all my heart. You have made me whole.
I cannot explain the feelings I have for you. Strangers who dont know me are reading this and think Im crazy. A 16 year old victim of suicide in love. of course. You cant have a suicide without a broken heart. But this is different. Lack of feelings from Steve are not the reasons for my death. Steve loved me as well. We have had convorsations that people can only dream of. And although we have not seen eachother in person more than once, I have fell madly in love with you. I dreamed of growing old with oyu, living together, getting married, and having kids. I do not know why it ended this way. All I can say is that my love for you will never die. It will live on forever in my heart, as well as yours. Please know that I love you and that I will be with you forever. As long as you love me.
I AM WITH GOD NOW. I believe that he was one of the few who loved me. he was there for me when no one else was. He heard my cries every night whether he wanted to or not. He saw went went on behind the walls of my "home". He new why I di this before you did. To me, his is the only person I can trust in this world. I want nothing more than to be with him. I peace. In extasy. In pure happiness. I think that I will receive what I deserve. When I am standing before the devil and Jesus Christ himself. I will get what I deserve. And I am now strong enough to say, that I am prepared for the consequences of my actions.

My life as you see was not perfect. I was not perfect. I have made mistakes that I regret even to this day. This is probably the worst mistake I have ever made. The point of this letter was not to be a typical suicide note. It was to inspire others like myself to take another road to freedom. Talk to someone close to you. Everyone has someone they can talk to. In my case it was God. Death is not the answer. I know this is hard advoce to take from a dead girl, but you need to look inide yourself. Past all the bad memories and bruised emotions.
Look down deep inside your heart and realize that there are people that will be upset if anything bad happend to you. YOU ARE LOVED. So please take my advice and treasure it. I on the other hand did not have advice as valuable as this. AND IT COST ME MY LIFE.

love is always in your heart
lauren alexis.

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