Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

Nom/email
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
29 Jan 2002 Lucy Cortina "Sisters are doin' it for themselves"

Today I went for a walk with my sister in her push chair. She was singing "I am the queen, oh I am the queen".
To my absolute shock horror, we bumped into this really hot boy that I fancy. He came over and said Hi. My sister looked casually up at him, and said "I am the queen". He said "Are you?" (ohhh, he's so lovely to children).
Then my sister said "Yes, I am the queen and Lucy did a big poo this morning".
I couldn't believe it. He could not believe it. It was unbelieveable, that's why! I said quickly "Er, well, I'd better be going". He said "Yes cu later". Thinking quickly I said "See you at Kim's party maybe?" and he said "Maybe".
Bloody hell!! Sacre bleu!!
27 Jan 2002 Lucy Cortina "Neighbours"

We have 2 neighbours. One of them I call 'The Sea Monster'. All she does all day is shout. She's also ugly and wears tartan, and needs to visit the ugly home with me. The other neighbour I call 'The Bore'. He lives alone, he likes opera music and gardening. He seems to have a relationship with his garden plants (although I dont know if it is sexual). Once a month, he covers his garden with, what I presume are the contents of his toilet. The smell is awful! Eughh.
Also, I suspect my mum is having an affair with him. She pops round to his house every few days, taking doughnuts for him. Ahhh!!! What if he becomes my stepdad???
Why can't the neighbours commit suicide? PLEASE LORD!
27 Jan 2002 Lucy Cortina Well I am quite flattered. Thanx! Happy Birthday (I'm not sure I believe it's your birthday - why would you want to be looking at our sad posts when it is your birthday? You should be having a party and dressing as a stuffed olive like I did) As a matter of interest how old are you? I'd say you are older than me. I'm 16. Anyway, gotta go now - dad is cooking, and I can smell smoke!
XXX
27 Jan 2002 The boss here Lucy Cortina darling,
This board is updated only once a week or so, although I read it everyday. So if you want want to make me laugh, please keep posting everyday, if you want to make all the visitors laugh, just post once a week.
It is my birthday today and I am god to this site, so I may break all rules, even my own, that's why I updated your postings before the rest.
-1* they really made me laugh, and I wished I'd been close to suicide so that they would have saved my life.
-2* you didn't mention any email so you didn't need to receive the automated message for the suicide board participants in a weekly group sending as I usually do, and I wanted to publish your postings on the spot, this is why you thought for a moment you were the only one to post. But you're not. It's always quite busy here, several postings per day.
-3*answering someone on the suicide board is something I never ever did before, but since it's my birthday today, I wanted to do something unusual.
-4* -----*bisous*-----
27 Jan 2002 Lucy Cortina By the way, am I the only one posting on this site at the moment? I really love to see the sometimes funny posts of others who are only half there.
27 Jan 2002 Lucy Cortina It's like this. I've decided that I'm going to make regular posts on this website. And to be honest, suicide is far too boring so I'm gonna try and cheer up you people, and make you realise that life is worth living. And I'm gonna put a title to my posts.

"I use it to keep my balls still"

> At school, my teacher (not the lesbian) was illustrating a point with the aid of some billiard balls on a tea towel on his desk. So I put my hand up and asked him: "What part does the tea towel play in the molecular structure?" This is when he made his fateful mistake - he said "Ah no, I merely use the tea towel to keep my balls still". It was pandemonium. I could not stop laughing! So you see, if you feel suicidal just get a video of Friends or somethin and have a laugh. Life isn't so bad!
26 Jan 2002 Lucy Cortina I just discovered that my sister has used the last of my sanitary towels to make hammocks for her dolls. AHHHHHHHHH! I'm as close as ever to suicide!!
26 Jan 2002 Lucy Cortina There are 8 things wrong with my life:

1. I have one of those under-the-skin spots that will never come to a head but lurk in a red way for the next 2 years.
2. It is on my nose.
3. I have a 3-year-old sister who may have peed somewhere in my room.
4. I am very ugly and need to go to an ugly home.
5. I went to a party dressed as a stuffed olive.
6. My teacher is a lesbian.
7. She makes us go jogging in the cold in our gym knickers.
8. I suspect my dad is a transvestite. (I found a pink apron in his bedroom)

* If you want a form of suicide, try walking a mile in my shoes. You will soon think of plenty of good ideas.

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