Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

Nom/email
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
27 Dec 2009 dead. i pay an 84 dollar cellphone bill, and for the last 3 months, not a single soul has answered any of my calls, or called me.

No one calls me to see if I'm okay. No one calls me 17 times because they are worried about me. I had a big heart, and I gave it all to him. He doesn't want it anymore. Now I'm just broken.

i thought i was a good girl. but i'm not. i'm a bad bad person. that's why he keeps leaving me. that's why everyone leaves. they all leave me here to suffer.

thanks mouchette for giving me somewhere to speak when no one else was there to listen.

bye.
27 Dec 2009 Cassandra When I was 13 I used pills. It almost worked too, if it hadn't been for my parents. They foiled my attempts at 20, 22, 23, and 30 as well. Why won't they just fucking let me die already? Pills are the way to go, especially mixed with a tasty alcoholic beverage.
25 Dec 2009 JustOneGuy I guess the best point to be writing your confessions here is from the very midst of the abyss, when you have the highest inspiration. I tried to do that yesterday, I felt bad, but apparently not bad enough. Today was a horrible day, and like an hour ago I felt I was just about ready to write one chapter of my little story. But even that inspiration is now passed, cos I'm feeling a bit better.
Damn it, had to do that an hour ago, but my attention was drawn by something else and I forgot... that's what it's like when you're taking 3... what it's name... Ritalin's a day and even that doesn't help your concentration. Well, what concentration can you expect suffering from chronic pains for 10 years, and living on the edge for 2 years?
Let me clear up something here, I'm not 13, I'm at my late 20ies. But I wanted to kill myself when I was 9 years old, I thought of dying all day long. I had a period of 2 years when I started to suffer from acute depression and couldn't function at all, crying all day long, both in school and at home, afraid of everything. People understand such things now, but back then and especially where I lived people were not really aware of such things, and so no one gave me the diagnosis, no one even thought of getting me to a psychologist, no one helped me. I also had acute OCD starting at the same time, and things came to a degree where I couldn't exit the room or stop washing my hands because I was counting or repeating things. No one understood that too, and blamed me. Not that I was a victim, I had a decent family, but I just got no help. Being a recluse as it is and having few friends did not help. Then we moved and I had no friends at all. I had to fight the acute depression and the OCD myself. Everyone else would of probably killed themselves after all those years, but I just kept living the same empty, sorrowful life. Not even my family knew. I kept it all to myself, I don't even know why. I was shy of my drawbacks, maybe? But eventually I succeeded in getting out of both those terrible things somehow with no help aged 14-15. Here's a medical miracle. Not that my life was getting better, I was an odd bird, and at school I was bullied every day, I hated going to school.
Okay then. That's how high school ended. When all the psychological stuff was under control, started all the physical health problems. Again - out of the blue. What did I do to deserve that? Again? Why? Seeing all the other people doing bad things, being stupid, being reckless, and having good luck, and me being punished... Not that I thought about that too much back then. I was a natural warrior. I was surviving. I never even remember myself crying, I got used to that kind of life. Simple survival. I was a smart kid, but somehow I did not asked too much questions about all this. This was a given. Not having a happy day for years was a given. How's that for a life?
So I started that battle with the chronic pains and health issues, going from physician to physician, explaining, getting little or no help. At the end I was just left one on one with all the pains and the problems. It is worse than being a cripple - at least they don't suffer from pain all day long. Imagine, 18-19 years old, having to start my life as a cripple, suffering from different pains, not being able to sleep at night. At some point I had to move my finger or make one single little movement all the time to put my mind off the pain. All night long. Sometimes I would wake up and see my finger moving automatically. No sleeping pills too, never even thought of that. Would you been able to suffer like that for years? Don't think most people would. But then I was not thinking of killing myself, only sometimes joking about it. I still had a lot in me. See how some people are somehow stronger than others? You have people killing themselves over a GF.
Anyhow, I went to study. I was a good student, I was getting good marks even though I couldn't concentrate on studying. No one even knew I was ill in the university. I did not look sick from the outside. But getting back home I would collapse. So I finished my studies with great grades, thought of going to study abroad, thought of making an academic career. All this time I tried to date girls, I had a couple of relationships, I never complained or restricted my GF's in anything because of my problems, they did not even know. But they tormented me, I guess just because some people have it coming, some people are assholes but others love them and fall in love with them, and some decent people just get the worse out of everyone. I was nice, I was okay with them, I liked them as they were, but I was getting criticized for every little thing, getting no real love. Just a make believe, another type of prolonged suffering.
Okay so after finishing school I decided to take a year off to take care of my physical issues and try to sort them off enough to be able to continue living more or less a normal life. Boy, was I wrong... Things turned for the worse, and not only wasn't I able to get back to studies, but I ended up staying 5 years at home, deteriorating and suffering, not being able to work or have a normal relationship with a girl. But not even after those 5 years did I seriously think of suicide! Imagine! Now that's every psychologist's dream, maybe I was immune to suicidal-tendencies. They ought to study my genetic makeup. I was as rational as hell. I guess being too rational, cautious or balanced makes you just suffer more. When I look at things now, there is some point when you should let go. I never even had a single drink, never even thought of taking drugs! What was I doing? Waiting for a miracle like a good boy?
Okay, but there is a limit to everything, I'm not made of stone. My psyche started to give up. I mean, not that I started being weird, but at some point like a year and a half ago I suddenly got the feeling I could no longer. I could no longer. See how different people are? Some get that after 5 weeks of feeling crap, some get it after 10 years of feeling crap. But those are really exceptional individuals, I guess I'm in a 0.1% of the population that has such a resistibility. I started taking anti-depression pills for the first time in my life, and drinking a bit. Didn't help. Don't feel the difference. Well, it figures too - things are probably screwed up for good in this point.
So now I do think of suicide. Ah, I love my life. Want me to give you an example of my regular day? Okay, I ate something. Then my tummy problems kicked in. I felt I had a rock sitting inside my belly. So I puked. The rock inside my stomach did not go away, although I'm taking 2 pills for that not to happen. I was still feeling dizzy from yesterday's sleeping pills. I wanted to sleep bad, my head almost dropped, but the tummy was aching as hell, and I wanted to puke again. Hmm… what would you do? I drank coffee. Wrong. Didn't make me less sleepy, but made my stomach pain worse. So I had to go and lay down, still remembering last night's nightmares. Fell asleep. New nightmares, along with stomach pains during my sleep. But that's not the most funny part. The most funny part is having a reflux in your sleep, when the food goes out from your mouth, and you begin to cough and can't breathe. That's the coolest. So you're almost suffocating. But you're too sleepy too wake up. After 3 or 4 times like that, you make yourself wake up. Alice from the Wonderland should take private lessons from me. The description of such an effort as to itself deserves a try by the best novelist. The coolest is when you're falling asleep in the bathroom in the middle of puking or trying to actually pee, having also prostate problems.
You get up... hey! You feel a bit better. But your head aches like a bitch from all you went through and you now have to take pain pills or something. Your back problems bother you too all during this ordeal, but there is nothing you can do about it. Not talking about all the other stuff. A cool day this is, isn't it? Okay, but enough for now. Let me look at the responses, if there will be such. What would you say about all this?
24 Dec 2009 k keep living
23 Dec 2009 thats all 4 now folks get a broken heart it will kill u instantly. i speak from experience.
20 Dec 2009 Michael Excuse me but even for people who have had experiences like these and who actually have been through unforgivable events in there life you shouldn't encourage this behaviour who dare's to have a dead family member for christmas or loose there only child excuse me I just think this is in appropiate.
19 Dec 2009 Emanuelle hi
warning: THIS CAN SOUND AS PUBEraL SELF-PITY
i'll share just some more pain with u, sorry.. but i just want this off my chest.
I feel alone. And not alone without people but, feeling alone around other people, being alone in the midst of alot of fun people. Like people form this 'families' but i'm only welcome to watch, not to be a part of it.
I cannot connect with myself or other people, i feel isolated. Ì know it's weak but I think I will never grow in this; enjoying myself with other people, having a 'family' on my own. I just long for a bunch of friends with whom I feel at ease, safe. With who I can dance my feet off, act silly, amuse myself, .. knowing that I belong, that people care and love, and share.

I was at a party tonight and there were alot of people I used to know, some of them I used to be friends with. I never felt so unimportant. they really became a family with each other, and i was just so uninteresting for them. This really hurt bacause in the past I introduced some of them to each other. This, for me, is the ultimate proof for me that i'm worthless. They were all having so much fun with each other and i just couldnt, i was just standung there, boring fat)ass

I really don't mean a thing for anybody in this world. I was born in the coolest town on earth with alot of interesting stuff going, i had so many chances and still .. i can't be 'Someone'. I turned into this 'background-girl'

I just Suck, imm a real loser, nobody loves me and yet, i know alot of people: that says enough!

It's not that that i'm ugly and therefore rehected before people really knew about me, it's purely my inner: i cannot seemm to make fun, act easy.

I feel so left out: my family, my 'friends', they all got their own life, enjoying theirselves, appreciating each other, making the best, being able to make fun.
`
I hate myself for not being abble tyo make fun.

Sorry for this bullshit,
i just don't want to spend my life alone, i better end it now
18 Dec 2009 Rebekah oh darlings!! My heart is breaking for you all!!... I so badly want to just give you the love that you need; that your heart is searching for. I've been down that road of harsh depression, I use to slit my wrists to escape the pain - heck, I just wanted to end it all. It's not worth it - there's so much to live for. You're all beautiful people and there are people out there who care about you and love you.
If you feel so bad that you just want to kill yourself or hurt yourself, talk to someone about it. If you talk to someone, there is a 50% chance that you're less likely to commit a suicide (that's a huge difference!!).
Find someone that you trust and have a quiet moment with them - tell them how you're really feeling.
Take care :) and remember that you are important!!
16 Dec 2009 tomas duke Oh sweetheart - if you have some painful thing that may happen, whether your 13 or 63 and you believe that finding a way to end it before your anticipated painful disease - go for it. Like the world of soccer players - most people say do the 'honorable thing' - let you painful fate take it's course. But I have seen to many people suffer so much because they must be brave. If you love your kitty or golden retriever and they faced inevitable pain - would you not want them to suffer and give some sort of love drug? Oh sweetheart I hope you're really not facing a horrible thing when you should be dating someone dashing young friend (but of course that might also be horrible - just kidding). And maybe if you taught me French - our pains might be more compatible. Best of luck to my so young of heart to go through pain!
16 Dec 2009 for al Al, You didnt put a contact email. how can i get contact to you?
16 Dec 2009 d............... i wish that could work for me. i wish i could say to him, "if you leave me, i'll kill myself" and he'd stay so i wouldn't. but that wouldn't work. not in this case. because in this case, nothing matters. not life, not love, not death nor peace. nothing matters. there is no secret to life. it's just existence. all you do is exist. numb, broken, but breathing. your still existing. can't laugh anymore, can't cry anymore. just keep pretending. keep existing. keep hurting, but keep breathing. HE has a plan for us all. None of us will ever know what HE has planned for us. But we can count on one thing, death. Everyone will pass. Existence will never last forever. I promise you that. HE promises you that. So keep breathing, keep hurting, keep trying if you want, or give up, but just keep breathing, wake up in the morning, go to sleep at night, fake all your smiles, keep pretending so noone tries to snoop in your business. breathe. the end of the world is near. there is far too much wickedness in the world right now for it to keep going on much longer. people are less shameful, everyone is a killer, a rapist, a molester, and no one cares to stop it. HE is getting angry. The earth itself is tired of humanity just taking and taking and never giving anything back. So just breathe. Keep breathing. There is only so much oxygen left. It's running out folks. Just enjoy the way it feels when you breathe it in and let it out. It's a simple pleasure. breathe.
16 Dec 2009 thsone Conscious Conscious Conscious Conscious Conscious Conscious Conscious ConsciousConscious you know one way to decide not to kill ureself. find someone who feels exactly the way you feel and talk, talk talk, if talkings not enough, live life how the fuck u want it, even though im really fucking tired, man, U ALL know tired doesnt even begin to describe it, but Conscious im trying to get ure attention. get my small insignifigant point ppl......
15 Dec 2009 Ali I feel I am the only person that has a true relisation as to the inconsequentiality of everything.

Everyone just 'plods' on in animalistic moronity without thinking. Are we that unevolved that we do not question the meaning or purpose in life??!

I am devestated to find that I am a member of a species that has somehow managed to destroy it's own habitat (has any other species in history managed this feat before??) and not only that but has developed technology to such a degree that we have almost regressed to depend on it. Well bloody done to humanity!

I feel like a single cell of a virus. An overpopulating self destructing organism.

Seriously, someone please tell me what is the point of our existence? Surely mass suicide would be the most beneficial course of action for the planet?
12 Dec 2009 faeith Live life, and deal with whatever crap Fate throws your way. Dealing with this pain is the definition of 'living a life'. Happiness cannot be achieved without a price, even if suffering is the price you pay.

I am a 21 year old girl, turning 22 in two months, and half my life I am in engaged in an epic battle with Fate. I am living with a KillerPainful-LifeLong-disease, a family that is too far away, a boyfriend who is at times as heartless as heck, and friends who are too busy with their own life. Many a times when I am just too weary, and tired of hurting, I sit with a blade in my hand contemplating death. A sinful bliss.

As purpose rewrites the hopelessness
pain cancels out the burning anguish
calm takes over the rampage insanity
while numbness creeps in boisterously
silence replaces the stifling sobs
as death sets in, disguised as tranquility...

But this not how I want go down. I boast to myself, and who ever cares to listen that I am not the kind of person who gives up too easy. So I sit here contemplating death, but not doing anything about it. I think 'this is not going to achieve anything in the end except for ending my suffering, and life is suffering so deal with it'.

Live.

There’s always going to be a moment
That’s going to make life go out of control
no escape, forced to bask in its raiment
stay and fight, try again to be whole

... Don’t wait till everything around you begins to fall.

Live.

And, I sit here with a blade aimed to my jugular as I contemplate life...
12 Dec 2009 Jasmin H3ii. Listen im 15 and ive been there. The jerks on this page ignore them, cause i kno wat u feel is real. Im not gonna tell u how 2 kill ursef. Srry. But i think itz best. I can saii that it gets worse b4 it gets better, i cant lie. Im still goin through as i write this. But im gettin better, and i kno u can. So plz dont do it. And plz write me if u need 2 talk about anything. Im havent gone through it cause im still going through it. I f that makes sence...

AIM-Sleepiibabbii27
E-MAIL-Jasmin13@Live.com
12 Dec 2009 T there is not best way to kill yourself ever. Just keep on life is NEVER too hard to keep living.
11 Dec 2009   I'm sure I can't even begin to imagine what you've been and are going through. A few years ago I was suicidal. I couldn't see a way out of my pain. I didn't want to die, but I didn't want to live either. I wanted to wake up from the nightmare that was my life. One night I had it all planned out and I put a knife to my chest, ready to end my life. But as the knife was pressing against me I thought about what a friend told me about God. He told me that Jesus died to take the punishment for my sins. He told me that God loved me. I realize you may not believe in God, I'm just telling you my experience. It changed my life. I dropped the knife and in tears I raised my hands and said, “If you're there God, I'll live for you, make yourself real to me.” And He did, I didn't see a vision or anything, but I knew He was real. (Could anyone look at the Mona Lisa and claim no one made it because they couldn’t see the artist? There is intelligent design, so someone made it; and just looking at how amazingly detailed we are proves that there is an intelligent designer who made us.) God didn't only give me hope; He gave me a new life. He forgave my sins and changed my heart. I haven't dealt with those thoughts in years, and now I'm a genuinely happy, content person. I'm new. Everything outside of me didn't change, but God changed me. And He can enter your life too if you want. (You can see www.thekristo.com for more about what Jesus did for you.)

I definitely encourage you to talk with someone you can trust (a parent, pastor, school counselor, psychiatrist) about what you're feeling. It is so helpful when someone else can help you carry the weight of your pain and offer you a fresh perspective on things.

I don't have all the answers, but I do know one thing... you have value. You matter. Suicide is a pemanent solution to a temporary problem. You will get through this ans see much brighter days.

UK Suicide Crisis Helpline: 08457 909090
US Suicide Crisis Helpline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
11 Dec 2009   So many of you are going through so much. My heart is with you. Let me tell you from my personal experience... THERE IS HOPE. Life can really be terrible sometimes, it can seem hopeless, but it's not. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Things can get better. You may not realize it right now, but you have a purpose for being on this earth. You're not here by accident. And you must keep on living to discover and live out that purpose. I would love to talk more. Please email me. My name's Al.

I highly recommend you talk with a professional about what you're feeling. You can call a free crisis hotline anytime @ UK Suicide Crisis Helpline: 08457 909090 (UK) or in the US 1-800-273-TALK (8255) / www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org. They have trained people who can help.

PS. You might appreciate this website about God www.thekristo.com
11 Dec 2009 Ceci Overdosing.
11 Dec 2009 dead inside. it hurts to breathe. it hurts to wake up. it hurts to close my eyes. it hurts to open them too. every part of me is weak. the pain inside is so overwhelming, i feel like i'm about to snap. i never thought you'd let me feel this way again. i'm so broken. life without you is not worth living. i miss you so fucking much. it hurts. it hurts. it hurts so much. i want it to stop. please make it stop. please.

-----

finally moved to Jackson when the summer came
I won't have to pay that boy to rake my leaves

I'm probably going on and on
It seems I'm doing more of that these days

I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it
Oh You left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch
Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God gave me a moment's grace
'Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way

Mama says that I just shouldn't speak to you
Susan says that I should just move on

You oughta see the way these people look at me
When they see me 'round here talking to this stone

Everybody thinks I've lost my mind
But I just take it day by day

I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it
Oh You left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes I feel an angel's touch
Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God gave me a moment's grace
'Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way

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