Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
09 May 2002 Lucy Cortina Mouchette *flutters eyelids, sticks out nungas* can I ask you just one question?
Do you live in France?
07 May 2002 Lucy Cortina I'm really not trying to blow my own horn, but I have very large nunga-nungas (titties to you pervs).
Yesterday my cousin and his mate came round. The mate that has the hots for me. Ughh! Mutti, vati and Grandad were playing snap. My cousin's mate pretended to be reading a comic, but I bet he was secretly looking at my nunga-nungas. My breasts are making me a mockery of a sham. They're like 2 beacons that attract the wrong sort of ships.
I went to bed early.
Mutti came into my room to get my sister out of my wardrobe. She's made a nest in there that she calls a 'wee-wee' house (I think she means treehouse). Over the shouting I said to mum "Would you and dad club together to pay for me some breast reduction surgery?"
It took her a year to stop laughing.
No one ever takes me seriously! I can't even get 5 quid from dad for some decent lipstick. He'd never give me money. Even if my breasts were so big that I had to have 2 servants called Carlos and Juan to carry them around for me.
05 May 2002 Lucy Cortina (the new Shakira) PPS- What sort of a name is Herbert Egg?!!
04 May 2002 Lucy cortina OH



I have an admirer..
on the internet. Shall we now have internet sex? "ASL? bla bla Oh I'm naked... what are you wearing?" no thanx!
Please get back to your lalaland and let me go back to mine. I have no time for men in my pursuit of fame.

PS- Update: I followed dad to work the other morning. I had to set my alarm really early and get up at 5.00am... so I was very groggy and grumpy. I went to the toilet, got dressed and went into the kitchen for some coffee. And the shock I got!! dad was stood over the cooker wearing nothing but an apron and pink frilly knickers, frying bacon!!
OMG! dad thought I was sleepwalking so I went back to bed. I am now a very disturbed, and emotionally scarred teenager. I may need counselling.
I suspect that dad is one of these 'nature nudie boy' types, that like to clean the house, and ride bikes in the nude and stuff. Ewww! it must have been a nightmare I had.
04 May 2002 Herbert Egg Hello Lucy Cortina I just wondered if you would ever fancy a date with me?
I am gorgeous, tanned and sexy - you can wiggle ur ass in my face anytime u like girl!
I love Madonna too, spiky bra - do u have one?
30 Apr 2002 Lucy Cortina (like a diva) I think i've decided that my new idol is Madonna (although I won't inject myself to look young, cos i am!)
She's perfect: Sexy (moi!). Confident (moi!). and Clever (moi!).
Have you seen the video for 'Beautiful Stranger'? Where she puts her bum in Austin Powers' face as a means of flirting? I'm trying that, with every boy I meet!
In the song 'Frozen', she says something like 'Love is a bird, she needs to fly'. Well my sister heard this, and mistakenly thought Madonna was talking about tampons. Winged tampons (do the maths yourself!). So anyway, my sis ran upstairs, stole my tampons and opened the bedroom window. She began throwing the tampons out of the window and shouting "They are birds, they need to fly! they need to fly!..."
Unfortunately, a tampon landed on the head of the sea monster from next door. This seemed to agitate the monster, who proceeded to knock on our front door and shout.
She told mum about the flying tampons. Mum dragged my sis downstairs, who was screaming "they need to fly!! they need to fly!!!"
Mum ordered her to apologise. My sis just stood there, looked defiantly at the monster and said "would you like to go to the loo?".
She was referring, of course, to the sea monster's pained looking, scrunched up face.

PS- This morning I found a pink frilled corset and red leather bra in dad's working bag. It is shocking to think that he holds 'ladies' parties for men, (or whatever you call it) at work. I may do a bit of spying... *rah hahaha!*
19 Apr 2002 Lucy Cortina Can someone please french me up?
By the way, whoever it was who used my name on some poem about chips and cod or summat, it wasn't me.
13 Mar 2002 objective observer I was reading your favorite entries and I see you posted many from Lucy Cortina. A LOT actually.

Well I didn't mean to cause such consternation with my objective observer entry. How could I have predicted anyway? Truth is I am just some dude who was screwing around.

Mouchette you ARE INNOCENT!

Now, while I have got your attention there is one thing which bothers me about this site and that is giving dangerous advice on how to commit suicide. Could you post a category on how not to commit suicide or something? Do you really want a 12 year old to drink drano (which is painful and should NOT be done)?
08 Mar 2002 mouchette I would beg, if I feel like it. But only in my own name, not in somebody else's.

Now Lucy Cortina, if you can write good stories (with a title) write them, otherwise shut up! It's not a good place here for arguing and getting personal attention. Suicide candidates are not in the mood for that ...
08 Mar 2002 Lucy Cortina Still not convinced.. it wasn't so long ago you begged me to come back, and self conceited? I'm too young to understand such a fancy word! Ok, time for a dictionary...
08 Mar 2002 mouchette Non.
I wouldn't go into such tricks. This is my own board and I don't need to pretend I'm someone else to write what I want. I sign with my name and email cos' I'm the boss.
Aren't you being a bit self-conceited Lucy Cortina?
08 Mar 2002 Lucy Cortina HEY MOUCHETTE! Ok, I may have a brain as large as an orange, but I have finally worked out that 'Objective observer' was YOU! Eh? Trying to provoke a reaction from me cos I wasn't posting for such a long time, non?
06 Mar 2002 Lucy Cortina I'm so sad that i've resorted to looking at my old diaries. I will share them with you -
My fabtastic holiday in "och-aye land" (or scotland, if u prefer)

5 hundred years after driving with a madman at the wheel (dad) and 2 mad things in a basket (Angus & my sister). After 2 hours of trying to find a cottage and listening to Vati ramble on about the 'wonderful countryside' I was ready to pull Dad's head off, steal the car and drive, drive like the wind back home. The fact that I can't drive stopped me, but I'm sure that once behind the wheel, i could pick it up?
We finally arrived at some crappy cottage in the middle of nowhere. When I first looked at the cottage I couldn't stop myself from saying: "You can tak' our lives, but you cannae tak' our freedom!!", although I didn't much feel like Mel Gibson at that point.
So, I was completely stuck in Braveheart land with the nearest shop 12 hundred miles away...
03 Mar 2002 Lucy Cortina And something else... Dr. Harold Shipman, I live quite near to you.
03 Mar 2002 Lucy Cortina PS - Observer... I very much doubt that you could even observe whether or not breast implants lurk behind Britney Spears' nunga nungas.
03 Mar 2002 Lucy Cortina (REALLY) Moi?? Objective observer, I have to say that I am absolutly OUTRAGED! As my head teacher says, "HOW DARE YOU???"!
Whether or not that is really an 'observer', or indeed Mouchette himself, you talk bullshit. I was actually going to say that Mouchette, you should not stand for that John Barone calling you a nudist...
...although how do i know that isn't true? A lot of artists do like to use the naked body as, um.. 'art'.

Recently, Pamela Anderson was voted the 15th sexiest model in history. It was interesting that the 14th was an airfix model airoplane... up to you, boys to decide which one has the most plastic and leaves you with the stickiest hands...
02 Mar 2002 Objective Observer Not all of your emails labeled Lucy Cortina are from her... An imposter is afoot.
01 Mar 2002 Lucy Cortina Mouchy... pleeeeeease put up the recent entries.... i need a good laugh right now..
26 Feb 2002 Lucy Cortina "Superman"

Today the phone rang, and my sister answered it.
"Heggo? Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes, listen"
I could hear her singing her version of 'Dancing Queen' and there was a banging noise as well - she would be doing the accompanying dance. God help the poor sod on the other end of the phone.
"Dancing bean... dancing bean... feel the touch of my tangerine...ine..."
It was so loud even Mutti was forced to shut her up. The phone was for me - it was Robbie, my new Sex God boyfriend. I shot downstairs, checking in the mirror at my hair, wanting to put on some make up. OH GOD!!! Am I mad? Sex God doesn't have X ray vision and can't see down the telephone line!
24 Feb 2002 Lucy Cortina A large pair of... ******, Mouch. Or in other words my nunga nungas. If you're comparing me to my aunt Fanny, then I guess I would be beautiful. You can see her nunga nungas when she takes her shoes off! I think I may recommend that she goes for some reductions.

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