Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

Nom/email
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
16 Aug 2002 Lucy Cortina Typical! I just get back from my holidays and everyone else has gone on them!
Oh well, at least I have 2 huge ballon things known as breasts to keep me company (have I mentioned this before? they're organically home-grown.. none of your Britney Silicones nonsense!)
I had an interesting experience yesterday though, which I will care to share:
I left a plum in school bag over holidays. Little flies kept emerging from little front pocket. Drew nearer and nearly collapsed cos of disgusting smell. Decided it was best to wash bag in bath. Did that. Bath full of bloody rotten plum pieces and little insects. Flushed them down the drain. Felt satisfied. A thought struck me. Looked into the small pocket of my bag. Let out a scream. Absolute disaster. My postcards were in it soaked with water (including one from a secret admirer)! What shall I do now? The evidence has vanished in the haze cos the ink has dissapeared! Bad luck!
And I'm slowly developing into a disturbed young woman...
12 Aug 2002 Lucy Cortina YAY! What a joy to be home again! Oh wow..to the awful stench of the bore next door (neighbour) putting awful manure on his garden. Ughh. I wouldn't be surprised if it's his own manure too.
Is there such a thing as vegi-sexuals, do you reckon, Mouchie? If so then HE is one. He spends so much time amongst his cabbages that it's unreal, and probably illegal. He tends to them like a lover would her mans dinner. Why am I surrounded by les idiots?
A few weeks away from the likes of mum, and her abnormally large behind (she could send it off to Africa, I'm sure it'd keep the starving going for at least 12 months) and dad with his 'inventions', such as the spoon that times the egg (LONG STORY!). I suspect while I've been away he's been in my knicker drawer to feed his desire to be a woman.
Ok.. I'm getting a bit dried up now, ain't I?
The point I'm trying to make is that I'M BACK ..and ..um....

where is my Billy?
13 Jul 2002 Lucy Billy, me too! I'm going on hols soon, not too far from Mouchette's very own land, although this place will not be serving me any frog legs or baguettes (poo!). However it has plenty of sausages to offer me - but, you know, Lucy Cortina always demands the biggest, juicyest and meatyest sausages.
See you all soon.
And Billy mate - ALWAYS wear a rain coat, if you get my drift.
12 Jul 2002 Lucy Cortina <<<gasps and splutters. I am still here, but my dad finally stopped singing. I need urgent medical attention (can I trick them into giving me a reduction too?).
The days of Lucy are no more - unless you can find me a doctor Clooney soon. Or a handsome prince to kiss me on the breasts - who will do it?
08 Jul 2002 Lucy Cortina Billy, where are you? I need my weekly dose of counselling a la sarcasm. Shall I report my parents to the police? They'd be banged up for life for child cruelty if I did. My dad is at the moment singing "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII will always love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu" by Whitney Useless.
I could just about manage to find the strength to switch the PC on. I will now lie here, and die in pain in front of all of you.
(Britney Spears can have my breasts when I'm gone).
07 Jul 2002 Lucy Cortina Billy, I feel for you. My grandad has problems similar to yours. You know what they say... loose lips sink ships, and loose bowels.. er.. scare owls? I dunno. I recommend some Immodium Plus, mixed with salt and milk.
06 Jul 2002 Lucy Cortina I would just like to declare that my nunga-nungas are at bursting point. What shall I do? I've snapped 4 bras already. My sister now uses them as tents for her dolls. I can't afford a reduction. When I'm doing exercises they swing about so much! At this rate I'm going to knock someobody unconscious. At this rate I'm going to need 2 shopping bags for my breasts!
If Shitney Spears ever wants a bit of a REAL woman, she could certainly have my breasts.
Any help would be much appreciated - and I am v. willing to appear on any big-boob fetish websites.
03 Jul 2002 Lucy Cortina Billy babe, I've hardly no time to be here. I've been subjected to a mum making me go for rides in the country, claiming "it'll do you good!" God knows how being seen in public with your parents will "do you good". It's torture. Death by boredom, not recommended for squeamish folks.
I read in the paper this week that Britney Spears is getting "fat". What, like she stuffed her face with a bowl of lettuce and ate 2 grapes instead of 1? I don't think so... If Britney is fat, then what are the rest of us?
02 Jul 2002 billy weepingfreak this is billy: my goal today is to kill lucy cortina with kindness. please you ample breasted sex god, i need you to be here, you give me inspiration, motivation, and aggravation. all three of these things are great, therefore you are great. i am sure mouchette misses you, i miss your snotty british humor, so come back , @>-}-----
27 Jun 2002 mouchette Yeah, it's a lot easier to call oneself Lucy Cortina than to look like her...
I think Lucy is a transsexual, that's why she's undergoing so much plastic surgery. Why didn't you tell me Lucy? I could have donated my breasts, I'm not using them..
22 Jun 2002 Lucy Cortina You knew where my writings come from? I smell bullshit again... so far I haven't heard anyone give an exact place where they come from, as you say.
Look at the music industry. These days they take an old classic song, change the lyrics for the better, add a new 'twist' and generally end up with a better song. That is simply what I have done. And as you will not have heard of it at all in the U.S, it has been nice to teach you it.
Now, lets all stop this nonsense and get on with forms of suicide.
You have made some funny contributions, Billy, and all of this fighting talk rather spoils it all. Lets stop it, eh?

Ps- Well done England in the World Cup!
10 Jun 2002 billy the freak hey i got a piece hate mail the today from someone who shall be nameless. mouchette, i bet that's a person who gets hate mail. my point is this web could or could not be the place to say your final words. as you can see, many people have found a creative outlet (excluding lucy cortina) to share their thoughts of death, perceptions of death, which in fact is a touchy subject to even talk about, let alone get something off their chest. not one time have i seen anyone say "goodbye cruel world" and type the last date of their lives. in fact you see many names return to the site to say something witty or give an update of what's going on with them. i personally feel that mouchette's web site gives children, adults and pretty much any age a place to say hey i'm having troubles right now. furthermore mouchette is a fully interactive web site so check the rest of it out, it is great! ***on a personal note*** every day when i get up from my bed i look at my wrists. i look at the scars of my past. what used to be gaping wounds of emotional agony, hate, and resentment, what is now nothing but healed over guilt. a mound of tissue reminding me i am selfish and sick. i am not saying i don't get depressed i am saying there is much better things, and many good narcotics.
07 Jun 2002 Lucy Cortina I was watching TV today..that awful Britney Spears song came on. She was sat on the edge of a cliff, looking as if she was about to commit suicide. I was thinking "don't do it! if you go, we'll never have anything to measure good music against crap music if you do!"
I expect the rest of the world were all thinking "just do it!". But I'm a sensitive soul, in between my selfish surgery urges. I don't like to stand on snails if I can help it.
Anyway, it was the Britney song where she says she's not a girl - but she's not a woman. Eh? So she's a man then?
At first the camera hovered around her tits amd face, which I avoided looking directly at, for fear that the evil subliminal messages there would brainwash me. Then it showed a fire... god I hate her.
06 Jun 2002 Lucy Cortina The life according to Alex?
Aka Big Brother? I don't think so...
Yes I did get some of my 'stories' from a book.. but improvised on them and indeed changed them for the better. Plus I made up most of them on my own. Some inspiration did come from a book. But not the life of Alex or summat (?)
Anyways, shouldn't you be dead by now?
02 Jun 2002 LucyH8r Ok ppl let me tell u summat about Lucy Cortina aka pain up da ass. U c here in the uk we hav a book called The World According 2 Alex, don't we Lucy? U c kids, Lucy here obviously has no life, as all she does is sit at home in front of the computer copying passages out of this book. Trust me ive read it. Lucy, u really r not original, isnt ure own life exciting enuff? Come on girl get ure head outta ure own ass and leave us suicidal ppl 2 die in peace, ok?
02 Jun 2002   Ok, hey kids i'd just like 2 tell u sumthin about lucy cortina aka annoying slag. Well, u c, im from england and here we hav a book called The World According 2 Alex. I hav read this book and i hav come 2 the conclusion everythin lucy types is copied from afore mentioned book. LUCY U R SAD. It aint big and it aint clever, and it certainly aint original. Wat, r u really so sad this is all u do all day?

IT'S LAME!!!!!
26 May 2002 Lucy Cortina What's that funny smell?
Smells like...er... is it sour grapes?
Forgive me, I can't tell with this plastic nose.
21 May 2002 Lucy Cortina Dominatrix, stick around, I am very curious.

My crazy life continues...
I discovered yesterday that my mum is having an AFFAIR!
If it was with Richard Branson or some other rich mug I wouldn't care (hey, I could afford my surgery then), but OH NO, it had to be... the POSTMAN! Argh!
I answered the door to him, and he said: "Can I see your mum? I have a little... er... package for her". So I said: "Why don't you just post it through the letterbox?" and he said: "Oh... it's... er... too big for this letterbox". Sacre bloody bleu!
My sister ran outside and wanted to look in the postman's 'spaceship', as her brain saw it. He let her in. She demanded that all her teddy-bears be allowed in too, for an alien 'wee party' (tea-party to us earthlings). So she got stuck in there and wouldn't come out. She'd brought little cushions for her bears Peter, Eggy, Belle and Auntie Fantra to sit on. She made them little sandwiches from the letters in the post-van, spreading butter on them. She offered each bear one. When the postman had to go, she said "No, we LIKE IT!!"
Mum dragged her out and apologised to him.

Just remember people, when I become a psychopathic nutter in my adult years, remember who's to blame.
This is the proof.
19 May 2002 Dominatrix god, i love lucy cortina. honey, if you don't know what lesbians do together, i'd be more than happy to show you.
10 May 2002 Mouchette to Lucy Cortina J'habite en France oui oui
..ahem... it depends if you consider the server or the keyboard. I'm on the Internet, and that's everywhere hehehe

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