Reading these suicide pages you will find people seeking help and people offering their help. Some witness about suicide from real life experience, others who play along with me would pretend it's a children's game. Some make sick and cruel jokes about it, and angry people blame me for even mentioning the subject. You might also want to read my favourite answers. If you want your answer to be included here, fill in the form.

Date Name/email

Nom/email
What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13?

Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
26 May 2009 M.M. a.k.a. billy the freak amsterdam heaves like the breath in her lungs. people bustle through the streets as
the blood surges through her veins. i can feel this all around me.... however, i sit
alone in the a bar. I want to be alone, only me and the bartender. hey, did you know
i have the power to be anybody? i can go anywhere and do anything, any-fucking-way i
want to do it. However, tonight I sit alone. i sit in a basement level dive too dark
to see the clock on the wall, yet bright enough to see the bar in front of me. the
pink neon light in the window screamed in its best cursive 'MOUCHETTE' a warm and
ambient glow enveloping you like a womb welcoming all to her embrace. however,
tonight i sit alone.
The bartender is mouchette and i am only a guest in her place. like me she has the
power to be anything, but only in the minds of other people. if you were to ask her
who she was("mouchette, really who are you?")she would say she killed herself at the
brink of thirteen and in death had second thoughts. now she plays a game and through
this game she lives on. tonight mouchette is a thirty something italian woman with
the type of beauty that says you would like to fuck her, but wouldn't really perform
at your best only because you are intimidated by her razor sharp wit and her worldly
charm.. She has so many friends and you never feel good enough in her company. the
intimate encounters are few and far between and you both want more. when you are
away she is always in the back of your mind. i know all this and tonight she is only
the bartender, why she is in this spittoon of a saloon could only be guessed, but i
do know she is here... aways here for me.
"mouchette! baby doll, please pour me another." i belted.
"billy darling no need to shout; i am right here and there is no one else in the
bar." she said in a reprimanding tone."another vodka and tonic i would bet."
"right you are. you know me well."
"i know you because you know you, you know me and right now... this is all we know."
"positively insightful mouchette, I say you inspire me. you are my muse." this i
announced with a certain amount of glee.
"billy" she said while fixing my drink. "I am afraid the booze is your muse.." She
sat the drink down in front of me.
I was outraged. "mouchette, you... how could you say this? do you want to hurt me?
do you want me to feel bad?"
"again billy, this is all we know. I think you must ask yourself that question."
{what is her angle? what is she getting at? i want her to go with the flow.} i took
the drink in one gulp then slammed the heavy short glass motioning for another
drink, nectar of the gods.
" vodka and tonic yes?"
"ha!! i would like a whiskey and coke, if you put pepsi in there i will fucking
smack you." i said triumphantly "you are slipping mouchette... maybe you are not my
muse"
"the joke is on you billy." she said in a tired voice and made the drink in the same
dirty glass.
{the joke was on me. i hate whiskey. what is this? do i have control? yes, i have
all the control. when i am here i am king and she is the servant. So why do i feel
so helpless.} the neon light from out side the bar shined through my half empty
short glass, casting glimmers of light onto the slick bar top. the lights danced
across the fine finished wood as i turned the glass between my thumb and index
finger. suddenly i felt alone. no longer alone by choice, but alone... just
helplessly alone.
"well billy, I'm here" falicia said out of nowhere.
"how did you get here." I asked.
"you let me in silly, what kind of question is that." now i am simply sick of this
shit.
"are you going to fuck with me too falicia!" i shot the whiskey and the fumes and
words came out my mouth like fire. "i don't know how you got here. i don't know why
you keep coming back. i didn't open that fucking door."
"i found the door and walked through it just like you did billy, ask yourself these
questions and you will find the answers you are looking for." falicia ordered a
mineral water and drank while i thought about what she said.
i first came here when i was sixteen it was 1998 ten years passed and now i am
twenty six. i didn't give anything, i only took for one decade. she was always here
when i needed her and at times she made me feel special, at times she made me feel
worthless. I would run away but only in presence. in the stealth of the night i
would visit. the price i pay is her always haunting me, for not a day goes by... not
a day goes by. did i want a suicide kit for christmas? no, i just wanted to show
other children how to play with the toy. i am no longer a child, but i still play
with this toy.
"falicia i come here because as long as people come here i cannot die.... i will
live forever. this is the gift she gave me and i tell you, i don't know if i deserve
it." just when i thought i was opening up falicia started to laugh a hysterical
laugh. then lucy and phil join in. chris and will snow chime and it now a chorus of
laughter. joe lee, mackellar, elaine, agent orange, just a girl, and many others
have the bar quaking with laughter. in spite of myself i start to chuckle as well,
but i had to ask.
"falicia why are we laughing."
"you wanting to live forever is all fine and good," she said as she points across
the bar with her finger resting towards the bartender. "but what happens when she
dies."
that very moment i had ad a revelation and with that change a change happened in
mouchette. her cigarette burn eyes stared at me as she poured me another vodka and
tonic, her smile was just crack on her plastic face
23 May 2009 M.M. a.k.a.billy the freak the city heaves like the breath in her lungs. people bustle through the streets as the blood surges through her veins. i can feel this all around me... however, i sit alone in her bar. I want to be alone, only me and the bartender.
{hey, did you know i have the power to be anybody? i can go anywhere. yep. i can do anything, any-fucking-way i want to do it. however, tonight I sit alone. i sit in a basement level dive too dark to see the clock on the wall, yet bright enough to see the bar in front of me like a high definition painting in a cheap plastic frame. the pink neon light in the window screamed in its best cursive 'MOUCHETTE' a warm and ambient glow enveloping you like a womb welcoming all to her embrace. however, tonight i sit alone.
the bartender is mouchette and i am only a guest in her place. like me she has the power to be anything, but only in the minds of other people. if you were to ask her who she was, she would say she killed herself at the brink of thirteen and in death had second thoughts. not that she didn't want to kill herself, but wanted to know the best way to do it. now she plays a game and through this game she lives on.
tonight mouchette is a thirty something woman with the type of beauty that says you would like to love her, but wouldn't really be at your best only because you are intimidated by her razor sharp wit and her worldly charm... she has so many friends and you never feel good enough in her company. the intimate encounters are few and far between and you both want more. when you are away she is always in the back of your mind. i know all this and tonight she is only the bartender, why she is in this spittoon of a saloon could only be guessed, but i do know she is here... always here for me.
"mouchette! baby doll, please pour me another" i belted.
"billy, darling, no need to shout; i am right here and there is no one else in the bar" she said in a reprimanding tone", " another vodka and tonic i would bet?"
"right you are. you know me well "i said.
"i know you because you know you, you know me and right now... this is all we know" she replied.
"positively insightful mouchette, I say you inspire me. you are my muse." this i announced with a certain amount of glee, but not really understanding what she said. it sounded good enough.
"billy" she said while fixing my drink. "I am afraid the booze is your muse." she sat the drink down in front of me. she is speaking gobbity gook and suggesting i was an alcoholic. I was outraged.
"mouchette, you... how could you say this? do you want to hurt me? do you want me to feel bad?"
"again billy, this is all we know. I think you must ask yourself that question." she said again putting it back on me.
{what is her angle? what is she getting at? i want her to go with the flow.}
i took the drink in one gulp then slammed the heavy short glass motioning for another drink, nectar of the gods.
" vodka and tonic yes?" she called from across the bar.
"ha!! i would like a whiskey and coke, if you put pepsi in there i will fucking smack you." i said triumphantly. "you are slipping mouchette... maybe you are not my muse maybe this is just a joke."
"the joke is on you billy." she said in a tired voice and made the drink in the same dirty glass.
{and the joke was on me. i hate whiskey. in an attempt to be belligerent i asked for something i didn't want. what is this? do i have control? yes, i have all the control. when i am here i am king and she is the servant. So why do i feel so helpless.}
the neon light from out side the bar shined through my half empty short glass, casting glimmers of light onto the slick bar top. the lights danced across the fine finished wood as i turned the glass between my thumb and index finger. suddenly i felt alone. no longer alone by choice, but alone... just helplessly alone.
"well billy, I'm here" felicia said out of nowhere.
"how did you get here." I asked.
"you let me in silly, what kind of question is that?" was the condescending reply.
now i am simply sick of this shit.
"are you going to fuck with me too felicia!" i shot the whiskey down my throat and the words and fumes came out my mouth like fire.
"i don't know how you got here. i don't know why you keep coming back. i didn't open that fucking door you waltzed in here yourdamnself."
"billy right now you want me here. i found the door and walked through it just like you did. billy, ask yourself these questions and you will find the answers you are looking for". felicia ordered a mineral water and drank while i thought about what she said.
i first came here when i was sixteen it was 1998 ten years passed and now i am twenty six. i found this place when i was contemplating suicide. we all know i'm no strait lacer who tied up his shoes to awalk on the wild side. i never gave anything too much, and got so much in return. she was always here when i needed her. at times she made me feel special, at times she couldn't have made me feel more worthless. I would run away, but only in presence and in the stealth of the night i would visit. the price i pay is her always haunting me, for not a day goes by... not a day goes by. did i want a suicide kit for christmas? not really, i just wanted to show other children how to play with the toy. i am no longer a child, but i still play with this toy. i'll still show to get the max amount fun even if you just watch the other children. something eternal made fameous by the hands of its creator. that's it.
"felicia i come here because, as long as people come here i cannot die... i will live forever. this is the gift she gave me and i tell you, i don't know if i deserve it". just when i thought i was opening up felicia started to laugh a hysterical laugh. then lucy and phil joined in. chris and will snow chime in and it is now a chorus of laughter. joe lee, mackellar, elaine, odd orange, dead inside, just a girl, and many others have the bar quaking with laughter. in spite of myself i start to chuckle as well, but i had to ask.
"felicia why are we laughing?"
"although it sounds like an oxymoron in the most basic sense, you wanting to live forever is all fine and good" she said as she points across the bar with her finger resting towards the bartender "but what happens when she dies?"
that very moment i had a revelation and with that change in my mind a change happened in mouchette. her cigarette burned eyes stared at me as she poured me another vodka and tonic, her smile was just crack on her plastic face.

billy the freak
21 May 2009 M.M. a.k.a. billy the freak hello friends,
emzyme,
you...i don't know what to say. you are certainly thought provoking. you are so right, mediocrity is sure fire way to a simple life. i find being educated, talented, and different in a dumbed down society makes you a target on many levels. i live in a place where they cannot read, but can certainly multiply further diluting humanity. am i renegade? am i an anomaly? i don't feel as if i'm a part of everything else.
cassie olivia,
please, before you kill yourself consider billy's suicide solutions to give you the perfect end to a not so perfect life. email me for a quote.
time warp,
you really should only stay up till 3:00 in the morning if you are reading through my past post. these can be found in mouchettes favourites archive and of course in the fameous users search under billy. watch the movie donnie darko i think this will put some of your thoughts in perspective.
oh, elaine and joe lee great to see you again. now lets see if we can get some of our old friends to visit.
I think we need more friends to make the game interesting.

billy the freak
18 Aug 2008 Joe Lee  
08 Dec 2007 Joe Lee Ok, I am here to help, my girl friend just left me and once again I am suicidal. I enjoy been treated like a boss, but she don't enjoy to be treated like a slave. What can you say? I ain't doing shit lately, have some work I need to do but still wonder of to this crazy site. You people if any who is actually crazy need to get help, and hopefully soon. I wanted to die once, but now I want to live. I want to live until the end of the world and see you punks trying to do the same. I give you maximal of a 100 years... death isn't that what we all afraid of? no body want to die, dying is not cool, if you are dead, then you are history, and history sucks? Just step back and think it through.

Each one of you have some talent that no one else have. But you need to find it, damn kids do pron now days, but if that's what it take for you to live then fuck. You can be doing the dirtiest shit in the world, but as long as you are alive, then there is alwasy tomorrow.

Now to the more serious topic about killing yourself, do it naked in public and in a shocking way, but please don't kill someone you don't know, they might like me wants to live.

Living is good, you breath air and drink water, and eat fast food. fuck I sure am not under 13 so I am rich, biach.

No, I am serious, just find any kind of job you can do. Join the army, the navy, or marine and keep your finger crossed if there is a war. Personally I will like to go to war with China because they will be a worthy opponent. War brings death, it's a win-win situation for you. Either you die or you are a hero.

If you want to be a hooker, then fuck your way out of suicide.

If you want to be a plumber, then plumb your way out of shit holes.

If you want to be a dope dealer, then deal you way out of death.

You can't escape, and there is no where for you to run unless you can outrun time, which is always faster than our monkey ass. So If you want to speed up the ride, fucking do it then.

What's up with you kids all want to be famous or something? I am 92 years old and I seen some wild shit in my days and to this day I still want to die.
People tell me "just wait until time come take you away." I say fuck that shit until my balls don't work you don't take pussy away.

You have your whole shitty life infront of you but what do you care? You just want to die and hope people will remember. But the thing is no one will remember. Do you think people from the future will read this crap and study the artistic beauty of this shit? hell no, at least I hope not.

I want to live in the society where everyone is naked from head to toe. With no shame and no love. let me say to you this people from the future. I will be long dead when you read this, but your day is coming as well. You really have to be God himself in order to escape death.

So how to be a God? There are many ways, and all of them are crazy, un tested, and possibily works. One way is dip yourself in a pool of fresh blood, it does NOT have to be human. If you can find some chickens then just drink its fresh blood.. that is only the first step.

Step 2 is expose yourself in public naked. No one have to see, but just do it to get rid of your fear for public nudity. Do it behind a dumpster.

Step 3. Take a shit behing that same dumpster from step 2

Step 4. Try to express how you feel in front of large group of people,

Step 5. Start to kill little animals from small to big. A rat to an elephant sort of speaking.

Step 6. Do you really want me to go on? I have whole fucking day.

The point is you need to kill fucking rats so making the world a cleaner place. Eat them if you have to. I have been homeless, live onthe street sometime you get so hungry that you could eat a rat. Find some dry wood and start yourself a rat roast. It taste as good as chicken or better.

please don't kill yourself if you havn't eat rat yet. Then you missing out a lot. I have seen people die on the street in the cold, in the heat, in the rain, in the dust, and in the wind. I have seen people fucking on top the statue of libraty and in a submarine.

Life is full of excitments that waiting for you to explore. Just walk out on the street and spit in people's face. That will just be the way how you start your day. Or you can wake up to some coffee laced with rum and vodka and go to work? Whatever your taste, please just wake up another day.
06 Dec 2004 joe lee i am chineese. please excuse mine english. please consider coming to china and be my sexual slave before you kill yourself. email me.
and felicia year of the monkey. you know in china we say in year of monkey woman must wrap feet. chineese custom.
16 Mar 2004 billy the freak man-o-man elaine the vigorous insight you spoke in your last entry made me horny... are you cute? i bet you are.

now chris, putting people down, because they may not be as creative as you isn't right.
however, i enjoy your posts immensely and they do spit flames on to the board. i blame myself for the lackluster in the kit, i wish i could post more often.

joe lee, all i can say is you are one sick fuck i thought i was twisted. i read your post about going to hell and laughed so hard the pepsi i was drinking came out my nose.

and last but not least kids, have you realized that mouchette is not just a message board, but a interactive piece of art? well, more like an art gallery that not only lets you enjoy what you're seeing but will often ask your opinion. look everywhere. and check out the links in the m.org.ue some are pretty interesting.

"come play with me" says mouchette. captivated by her beauty i can't help but frolic through her halls.
06 Mar 2004 Chris Someone performed a favour for me the other day and when I thanked him he replied: "no problem, it was the least I could do". Read that again out loud and then think about what he actually told me. Have you come to the same conclusion as I did... he had analysed all of his options, thought about everything that he could have done for me, sorted out every alternative and discarded every last one except the very least. Yes, what he so proudly told me was, that of all the things he could have done as a favour for me, the one that he chose was the minimum that he could get away with, while still saying that he had done something. Of course what he meant was, more less, the exact opposite of what the bare words really mean and he became suitably flustered (enough to amuse me anyway) when I asked him what the most he could have done would have been.

Anyway, because I have little else to think about, I took to pondering other common phrases, for example what do you know for sure about the phrase 'with all due respect'? I can tell you that in ninety nine point nine per-cent of cases what will follow those words, when they are directed at you, is proof that the speaker thinks that no respect is due to you at all. He will promptly tear to pieces; a) your opinion, b) your character or c) your appearance. What springs to mind when someone prefaces what they are to tell you with these words: 'to tell the honest truth...' as opposed to the barefaced lies and cunning half truths that they normally tell you? Ask yourself why, if this is an honest person speaking, does he or she feel compelled to convince you that what they are telling is true... But then, normal people are all the same: big, fat, happy liers who want to live through the next twenty-four hours, make cash out of your simplicity and cover their weirdness and shit under the cover of love and art, making us feel suicidal all the time!

Finally, to a different subject but still related (loosely) to words... mouchette.org has descended into, how shall we say, obnoxious, weird, repetitive words! I read everyone's posts and I understand and sympathise with everyone of you... but you're all saying the same thing! There were times when I was criticised because of my writings, but come tell me that now! We need to put some zest and life back into mouchette.org or it will become just like all the other suicide boards. Felicia The Great, Billy The Freak, Phil, take note (and come back) and for God's sake Dr.Jelly, either release Joe Lee from the physchiatric ward or at least just let him use the internet service, cos we need him! (Whatever you do, just keep him off any kind of medication, he's more sane without it than with it, we all are...)

See ya in an (ironically) livelier mouchette.org...
18 Feb 2004 Dr. Jelly To whom it may concern:

Mr. Joe Lee is a patient of mine who recently suffered a massive psychotic breakdown. He sneaked into staff's lunge on several occasions using the internet service. We are currently keeping him locked up so as to stop his demented internet advices.
Learning from Mr. Lee's medical records, he have a long history of characteristic roleplaying. Mr. Lee once stole a white coat and impersonated a doctor in our clinic and treated patients. (while the real doctor was on vacation) As a result of his treatments, five out of seven patients commited suicide. Mr. Lee never recieved any professional medical trainings, and he is in no position to answer any questions.

We are very shocked at his reckless behaviors, apparently he is shocked too... literally shocked, in shock therapy. He will be locked away for a long time until his next mental evaluation.

Please accept our sincere apologies,

Je l. ly, MD
12 Feb 2004 Joe Lee I killed myself last week, I am sending this email from hell. Let me tell yall, hell is not too bad at all. It's about 69 F all year round with cable TV and universal internet access. Yes, you can send email to the devil making suggestions... but most likely you will get an auto-reply telling you "Go fuck yourself!"
The devil is building a brand new casino and whore-house down here with human skulls. Very psychedelic and hiphop, with architecture Frank L. Wright making the blue print... He sure did a great job making the transition from the building to the environment.
Also, arts' greatest... Picasso is waiting for you. His bloody paintings are as good as they get now days. His recent project is making heaven in hell!
My favorite is 'Holy Angels getting sued from raping a bloody whore in the hell's court' - a 3 dimensional painting made from cow intestine and Picasso's own bloody-shit!

You pussies really don't want to die don't you? Fuckin eh! Mentally weak bastards too weak to die or live.
Making pussy ass comments such as " Oh, I really want to kill myself, my life is shit, I feel soooo depressed... blah, blah, blahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!"
You sure have a lot of fucking time to write on this shit, JUST DO IT ALREADY!!
Fuck, it's for your own good. You little 13 year old pussy shit piss me off. If only I know where you live, I will go over take my shotgun and blow your fucking head off. Then... I will fuck your aesophagus or your airway or whatever them anatomical neck-holes called. Then... I will jizz and pee inside your lung, stomach, or whatever them damn holes connected into.
That's how a real man or woman die! with the first class ticket to hell.
If you hurry, you might make to the grand opening ceremony of devil's whore-house with guest singer Elvis and Jimi -devil's child- Hendrix... Finally you can see Hendrix smash his guitar and pour gasoline on someone's head!

What the hell you might say? Yes, I am in hell mother fuckers!
03 Feb 2004 Joe Lee I might have written something more than what I am willing to share on my normal days. The truth is that I have been off medication over the years, which in fact I should have probably stayed on. I have multiple personalities or combination of psychological characters. Only one thing seem constant for five out of seven personalities is - great interest in death.
I do not encourage suicide or go against it.. simply do whatever you have to. But sometimes simply endure your sufferings can be philosophically enjoyable.
I have woken up in the middle of the night bleeding from cuts made from invisible enemies. People calling whom I don't even remember. Only pictures could bring back some memories, but where are people in these pictures now? Ironically, society seems to favor the physically attractive, thus I always seems to have someone who can tolerate the kind of shit I throw at them.
I am tired of people,
So tired of this world,

Medication bottles brings back painful memories... a reminder of that I have seen three psychiatrists in my life.. Three! Well, I don't know about you, but I feel that could be an indication that I am mentally ill.
I certainly don't think of myself as crazy or psychotic, that's why I don't take medications. After all, why should a normal person take medications? But anyway, I am not crazy.

Sometimes it feels like a dream, but it turns out to be reality or is it vice versa?

Well, it's pretty bad if nightmares turns into reality... Like days ago, I had this dream turned into nightmare, in which I punched a friend inflicting severe damage. Not even a prior argument before the fight, but I just started punching and thinking like a boxer. Then yesterday, I saw his bruised up face and realized it was a reality... not very cool, it was a reality-nightmare all over again. Living under layers of paradoxical dimensions... I already lost myself... maybe this is hell?

Sitting in a slow rising roller coaster ride to insanity, I have already moved beyond the realms of suicidal thoughts and unsuccesful attempts. And all of me are still very excited to see what's like over the top. How powerful of an psychotic multiple personality torture can one endure, maybe pluge direct into the hell or something less harsh, who knows?

Kids, trust me... before suicide, first finish your education, read some books, enjoy some aspects of life. Then you can start your psychotic roller coaster ride in life... you will fucking love it when you move past the point of no return.

By the way, I didn't get any Chinese new year's money, but I do know how to play poker or yatzhee. I gotta be the only Chinese in the world who is like that... Damn you, who are you? For all the things you could have said, you said yatzhee, which I kinda like it. You just want to see me kill myself don't you? Damn, I feel so weird, probably being the only Chinese in the world saying that I kinda like yatzhee. I should probably ckeck myself into the labour camp one of these days.
26 Jan 2004 Felicia Born in the Monkey Year Hi Joe Lee,

Happy New Chinese "Year of the Monkey" to you too. People call me lousy because they think that people born in this monkey year is tricky and hard to fool.

I get tricked all the time and I am made a fool of most of the time. And being a Gemini too is a lot worst. Now everybody says I am tricky, hard to fool, and two faced.

All I need is a cheer up and some chinese new year money to come my way. But I haven't been to Vegas yet and don't know how to play poker or yatzhee. I don't know how to play chess either and scrabble for that matter.

Sad. Sad. Sack. Oh well.
24 Jan 2004 Joe Lee Welcome to China where life isn't worth a dime unless you are foreigners!

The ten ranking for the value of human life in China for the year of 2004!

1. United States
2. France
3. United Kingdom
4. Norway
5. Switzerland
6. Canada
7. Japan (price negotiable if you or your parents involved in World War 2)
8. Sweden
9. Canada
10.Germany

You should be honored if you are the lucky citizen of these great countries. I welcome you, the citizens of top ten countries come to China and commit suicide! Your life cost a lot! We will have the honor of killing you and your family members. Money doesn't mean anything to you, you deserve only the best way to die. Checks or visa available in 2004 for citizens of France, Japan, Finland, Greece, and Luxembourg.

If you are unfortunately the citizen of following countries:

Afghanistan
North Korea
Somalia
Sierra Leone
Zimbabwe
East Timor
Niger

Year of the monkey is the year for people from destitute countries! We will kill you for almost free if you can ever make it to China. Please prepare your own body bags if you don't want to be made into fertilizers.

And yes, we prepare diverse killing methods way beyond legal boundary for the top ten countries. We are the best in the business of euthanasia if you are too weak to do it yourself. Eu-than-asia... I love this word. aisanahtue - sounds good even if you spell it backwards! Best wishes and hopefully see you soon!
24 Jan 2004 Joe Lee I am Chinese!!! I don't know english very well. I am also a Chinese who is depressed, psychotic, narcissistic, or schizophrenic. (sometimes all of the above combined!) I been seeking ways to cure myself without any success.
I saw a psychiatric doctor before, we talked and talked. She told me I am screwed up in the head at first! Then she gave me an IQ test, to her suprise, I have an IQ of a genius. So now she thinks I am just trying to get a date with her, telling me when she will be off work.

I am crazy! I can't think straight!! People don't understand my mental condition, and think that I am just lazy. Don't know how to keep myself busy, how can i do that when I am taking it easy? My psychotic mind is anything but fuzzy!
But after all, it's not like I have to work in order to survive. My life is not too bad till now, probably smooth sailing all the way until I die of a natural cause... DAMN! that's when it hit me, I am a human being! Why can't I be a tree or a rock or a sea turtle? Facing self limitations is the catalyst of my depression, and the reaction goes far beyond depression.
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whatnow?
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.
Yesterday I bought some tuna and cod liver. Tuna for my cat and cod liver for myself. As I dined with my cat, I realized that the cat was depressed too. We just stared at each other without talking. Then the cat gave me a determined suicidal look and meowed. So I mixed some sleeping pills, my anti-depressants, two hits of LSD, quarter of marijuana, half bottle of asprin, vitamins, laundry detergent, toilet cleaning products... anything in powder form chopped up together with tuna and cod liver deep fried in fish oil. She ate slowly and walked out the door with a satisfied meow. I plugged my ears not to her painful cries for help, for freedom, for a quick end.
I am very sad and depressed today because that damn cat ate all my pot and dope... and she is still alive. Apparently healthier than before. So the lesson for you kids today, "cats don't have nine lives, but they are sure pretty damn hard to kill"... plus I can't even do my laundry now.

... well kids... very important and implied lesson you should learn from my cat is "DONT DO DRUGS!" because you might becoming an immortal, thus making suicide even harder. So please don't kill yourself by taking drugs. Give them to me! I will suggest other painless ways of suicide for you in return. Free of charge of course, because I am Chinese.
11 Jan 2004 Joe Lee Hi, I am Chinese here to recommand a film for you kids to watch "Big Shot's Funeral" with Donald Sutherland, Xiaogang Feng, You Ge, and Rosamund Kwan. So you kids can learn how Chinese people taking death very seriously.
find it, watch it, share with your friends.
22 Dec 2003 Joe Lee Hi, My name is Joe

Please excuse mine English, I am from China. As you know, China is not like what used to be. The ancient rules and western ideologies is quite different. Many youth develop mental illness trying to cope with this fast pace changing society. Depression is one of the major cause for suicide here.

Pressure from school mostly, because we have so many people. It's very tough to get into a good school. We are very poor compare to you. You are very rich most likely.

We are hard workers, it's our nature to serve others. Our economy is rising because of our hard works. We do every thing you desire cheap.

Our company offer many painless ways to end your life. With good doctors and medicine. Chinese believe in life after death, so we do everything properly, customer satisfaction guarantee.

You will not feel pain, you will not feel fear, you will laugh your way into the yellow river.

We have many settings. You can choose to end your life in any style painlessly. One of the famous way to go here is to die like the King in Bejing. You can even choose to get buried with your own personal servant. Life don't cost as mush here as in your country. As you know, we are very poor.

You can also choose to die in Tibetan style of sky burial. Where you will be fully drugged and comfortable. We also carry travel insurance for any accidents.

We will like to welcome you to come and take the last visit of our beautiful country. If you are under 10 years old and have siblings, we do two of you for the price of one. Please prepare at least $15,999 USD. We had calls from many angry parents, so better save the money your own. Cash only.

We have most every killing methods knowing to man prepared here with following examples:

Wide selection of animals:
shark attack,
four horse,
Dog food,
Dungeons with Dragon,
....

Exotics:
Classical pissing on you in the hole,
Emperor's last meal, (Cost vary depend on the dish)
Special agent,
Goku's Torment, (the historical story of the monky king)
Jeffery Dun Sin,
....

We can even make your death a natural cause:
Heart attack (So real, you won't believe you are only 13)
Love boat,
Real lighting strike,
*Suprise me* (customer's favored choice)
....

I can't list them all,

Contact me by email, phones and fax leaves too much evidence.

Our New Year Special for group of eight is 200,000 USD. Where two lucky winner will be publicly excuted in TanAnMan square Bejing with official documents for espionage. You will be the youngest foreign spy on the news all over the world! This offer ends 2003!!

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