Date	Name/email Nom/email	What is the best way to kill yourself when you're under 13? Quelle est la meilleure forme de suicide pour les moins de 13 ans?
19 Nov 2023	billy	living
25 Nov 2010	billythefreak	what the fuck?
21 Sep 2009	Felicia the don't feel so Great	I stand dumbfounded and perplexed, again weeping alongside Billy the Freak. My plastic face becomes immortalized. I sit at the Bar of Mouchette, to get pounced away once more with the joke of Tiffany diamonds promised to me and finding that they were nothing but a fake. A screaming of blasphemy yells behind me. I am haunted everyday. I wake up every morning and see the sun rise piercing my eyes. I run for life and I don’t turn back. I wreath in hate and disparity for the rest of the days of my life as I was scorned away by the depths of uncertainty. I cannot erase my words, but they are not carved in stone. I might as well finish it off by dying of old age. I don’t own Mouchette, never had, never will. I miss you Billy the weeping Freak. I miss you Lucy Cortina. My personality keeps changing. I am not the same. But I’m not going to die, if I am, I’m already dead inside. We walk amoungts the living dead. We make our own lives. We babble until we can’t babble enough. But I know for certain we have much in common. We all bleed in our own little way.
12 Jul 2009	M.M. aka billy the freak	hello friends, i wish i was on fast train between paris and amsterdam. if i was high on opium and drunk on sweet spirits this would be so glamorous. would i be able to notice the beautiful woman with the laptop across the car? does she know mouchette? truth seeker, i also seek the truth actually i want to preach it becuase i am the alpha and omega, but the van allen radiation belts stop me from going to heaven. kim, i want dead inside too. she makes me feel so... alive? okay you little freaks keep coming back. your friend, billy the freak
26 May 2009	M.M. a.k.a. billy the freak	amsterdam heaves like the breath in her lungs. people bustle through the streets as the blood surges through her veins. i can feel this all around me.... however, i sit alone in the a bar. I want to be alone, only me and the bartender. hey, did you know i have the power to be anybody? i can go anywhere and do anything, any-fucking-way i want to do it. However, tonight I sit alone. i sit in a basement level dive too dark to see the clock on the wall, yet bright enough to see the bar in front of me. the pink neon light in the window screamed in its best cursive 'MOUCHETTE' a warm and ambient glow enveloping you like a womb welcoming all to her embrace. however, tonight i sit alone. The bartender is mouchette and i am only a guest in her place. like me she has the power to be anything, but only in the minds of other people. if you were to ask her who she was("mouchette, really who are you?")she would say she killed herself at the brink of thirteen and in death had second thoughts. now she plays a game and through this game she lives on. tonight mouchette is a thirty something italian woman with the type of beauty that says you would like to fuck her, but wouldn't really perform at your best only because you are intimidated by her razor sharp wit and her worldly charm.. She has so many friends and you never feel good enough in her company. the intimate encounters are few and far between and you both want more. when you are away she is always in the back of your mind. i know all this and tonight she is only the bartender, why she is in this spittoon of a saloon could only be guessed, but i do know she is here... aways here for me. "mouchette! baby doll, please pour me another." i belted. "billy darling no need to shout; i am right here and there is no one else in the bar." she said in a reprimanding tone."another vodka and tonic i would bet." "right you are. you know me well." "i know you because you know you, you know me and right now... this is all we know." "positively insightful mouchette, I say you inspire me. you are my muse." this i announced with a certain amount of glee. "billy" she said while fixing my drink. "I am afraid the booze is your muse.." She sat the drink down in front of me. I was outraged. "mouchette, you... how could you say this? do you want to hurt me? do you want me to feel bad?" "again billy, this is all we know. I think you must ask yourself that question." {what is her angle? what is she getting at? i want her to go with the flow.} i took the drink in one gulp then slammed the heavy short glass motioning for another drink, nectar of the gods. " vodka and tonic yes?" "ha!! i would like a whiskey and coke, if you put pepsi in there i will fucking smack you." i said triumphantly "you are slipping mouchette... maybe you are not my muse" "the joke is on you billy." she said in a tired voice and made the drink in the same dirty glass. {the joke was on me. i hate whiskey. what is this? do i have control? yes, i have all the control. when i am here i am king and she is the servant. So why do i feel so helpless.} the neon light from out side the bar shined through my half empty short glass, casting glimmers of light onto the slick bar top. the lights danced across the fine finished wood as i turned the glass between my thumb and index finger. suddenly i felt alone. no longer alone by choice, but alone... just helplessly alone. "well billy, I'm here" falicia said out of nowhere. "how did you get here." I asked. "you let me in silly, what kind of question is that." now i am simply sick of this shit. "are you going to fuck with me too falicia!" i shot the whiskey and the fumes and words came out my mouth like fire. "i don't know how you got here. i don't know why you keep coming back. i didn't open that fucking door." "i found the door and walked through it just like you did billy, ask yourself these questions and you will find the answers you are looking for." falicia ordered a mineral water and drank while i thought about what she said. i first came here when i was sixteen it was 1998 ten years passed and now i am twenty six. i didn't give anything, i only took for one decade. she was always here when i needed her and at times she made me feel special, at times she made me feel worthless. I would run away but only in presence. in the stealth of the night i would visit. the price i pay is her always haunting me, for not a day goes by... not a day goes by. did i want a suicide kit for christmas? no, i just wanted to show other children how to play with the toy. i am no longer a child, but i still play with this toy. "falicia i come here because as long as people come here i cannot die.... i will live forever. this is the gift she gave me and i tell you, i don't know if i deserve it." just when i thought i was opening up falicia started to laugh a hysterical laugh. then lucy and phil join in. chris and will snow chime and it now a chorus of laughter. joe lee, mackellar, elaine, agent orange, just a girl, and many others have the bar quaking with laughter. in spite of myself i start to chuckle as well, but i had to ask. "falicia why are we laughing." "you wanting to live forever is all fine and good," she said as she points across the bar with her finger resting towards the bartender. "but what happens when she dies." that very moment i had ad a revelation and with that change a change happened in mouchette. her cigarette burn eyes stared at me as she poured me another vodka and tonic, her smile was just crack on her plastic face
13 May 2009		how you gonna be a getto thug and live in great britian? queen elezabeth took away all thier straps so now all they got is billy clubs? here is an impersonation of a british gangster: why you talkin rubbish? gon bash your face with me billy club. isnt that silly.
28 Sep 2007	Mouchette is dead... Seek HELP!!	This will be my last time on the site but let me leave something with you all: So you can trust me in what I am about to say, please note the following that has happened to me in the PAST and days up until recent... I am nearly way too old for this site but for some reason I keep coming back to post well I am done now coming here because life is going to be ok. Well, I am going to write about my life experiences which means I am using this site as a blog site for right now, so if this gets boring just scroll down and move on. My life started to change and turn to shit when I was about 11 years old. That's the age I was when my parents divorced. It is not easy growing up through a divorce. Anyways me and my older brother lived with my Mom because my father was whacked. So my life was shittier than you could imagine. I never had friends, and never got invited places. I was ripped away from my mother because the courts believed my father when he said my Mom was estranged ... it was the other way around. Mom took us away because my father was abusive, and whacked out. He would always threaten to kill the pets and us if so and so ever happened. Anyways, so CPS took us away where my brother and I were sent to live out of state for a few months to live with our grandparents. We came back later in June 1998. We had just started high school and then we were taken to a group home so many miles away which didn't work out so then they took us to a foster home where we gave clues to our Mom so she could come see us when the courts said she couldn't because of my father. Then a few months or so later we got moved back in with our Mom. I still have no friends at school so I am a loner wandering the halls and quad areas, and locker rooms aimlessly waiting for classes to start. After school was nothing but dreaded days because it was homework time until I finally realized how to get it done in school. When I was about 14 I adopted my greatest dog ever who became my only friend. He was there for me when no one else was, I loved him and he loved me back. He was a loyal pet and never put me down like the many people I came into contact with. He trusted me and I trusted him. Then came the day that we had to move because we were low on money again because my father never once paid child and spousal support so we had to give my BEST friend up. MY dog and I were good friends. I miss him to this day and wish with every breath that I take that I could find him and re-adopt him if he is still around somewhere! If anything was almost as hard as growing up through a divorce it was the day I had to depart with my dog! We lived out of the car for a month or so with 2 cats, and 2 dogs too. We had to move into a motel for 3 months. Then we move again. The cycle never endeed. I am now a h.s. graduate with some college and I still am not employed, I thought I had made friends 2 years ago but those friends just walk all over me, and don't care like they say they do, I moved back to my fathers house because otherwise I literally would be living on the street if I didn't. Before I moved back I was in the job corps until they kicked me and some other people out. Sometime after I moved back I met my fiance through his dad in 2003 when he was sick with cancer. He lost that battle in February 2006. Again I thought my life had ended. One year and a few weeks later to his passing, our dad (his dad) had suffered a major stroke. I felt like joining the dark/gothic side of the town I live in so I could be heavily sedated with dark clothing, black nail polish, chains, and the works. Of course I didn't though. I am also a full-time volunteer/backup worker for an animal organization. I fell in love with another guy whom is the world to me but hasn't been able to see the same way yet he tells me he is in love with me and cares about so much but doesn't ever calls or returns my email. So I am to think he is playing with my heart as well. Then there was another guy that had cheated on me before he gave us a chance. He is the wheelchair bound dude that is a hillbilly redneck. Now that I reread that statement about the redneck, I think I am ok not being with him. Now my play-with-my-heart guy comes crawling back and wants to give us a chance ... again. Im at a loss at what to do because I don't know want to be hurt again. So then my ex-friend wants to set me up with a guy who turns out to be a jerk too. I still at this time love Mike Westerman and want to still be with him so I think I will take him back and see if he really has changed and if so will stay with him. I could go on but I think I will stop writing now. As of tonight I am going to be ok!! I know life throws rough patches but remember that there is SOMEONE that does care and GOD LOVES you, I LOVE you, People LOVE you even if you dont believe it. Your life will get better, TRUST me. It did for me.
27 Aug 2007	The way I see it.	Please post this: I am nearly way too old for this site but for some reason I keep coming back to post, and read what others have wrote. I just read someone's post and it honestly made me think harder than I ever have thought about life, and my being here on earth. Do you believe there is a God? If not, I am partially with you. Sometimes when I pray I never ever, I rarely ever get an answer and I was told since I was very little that God hears and answers prayers. I prayed hard the other day quite a few times and as of late have not gotten any answer to that prayer. Well, I am going to write about my life experiences which means I am using this site as a blog site for right now, so if this gets boring just scroll down and move on. My life started to change and turn to shit when I was about 11 years old. That's the age I was when my parents divorced. It is not easy growing up through a divorce. Anyways me and my older brother lived with my Mom because my father was whacked. So my life was shittier than you could imagine. I never had friends, and never got invited places. I was ripped away from my mother because the courts believed my father when he said my Mom was estranged ... it was the other way around. Mom took us away because my father was abusive, and whacked out. He would always threaten to kill the pets and us if so and so ever happened. Anyways, so CPS took us away where my brother and I were sent to live out of state for a few months to live with our grandparents. We came back later in June 1998. We had just started high school and then we were taken to a group home so many miles away which didn't work out so then they took us to a foster home where we gave clues to our Mom so she could come see us when the courts said she couldn't because of my father. Then a few months or so later we got moved back in with our Mom. I still have no friends at school so I am a loner wandering the halls and quad areas, and locker rooms aimlessly waiting for classes to start. After school was nothing but dreaded days because it was homework time until I finally realized how to get it done in school. When I was about 14 I adopted my greatest dog ever who became my only friend. He was there for me when no one else was, I loved him and he loved me back. He was a loyal pet and never put me down like the many people I came into contact with. He trusted me and I trusted him. Then came the day that we had to move because we were low on money again because my father never once paid child and spousal support so we had to give my BEST friend up. MY dog and I were good friends. I miss him to this day and wish with every breath that I take that I could find him and re-adopt him if he is still around somewhere! If anything was almost as hard as growing up through a divorce it was the day I had to depart with my dog! We lived out of the car for a month or so with 2 cats, and 2 dogs too. We had to move into a motel for 3 months. Then we move again. The cycle never ends. I am now a h.s. graduate with some college and I still am not employed, I thought I had made friends 2 years ago but those friends just walk all over me, and don't care like they say they do, I moved back to my fathers house because otherwise I literally would be living on the street if I didn't. Before I moved back I was in the job corps until they kicked me and some other people out. Sometime after I moved back I met my fiance through his dad in 2003 when he was sick with cancer. He lost that battle in February 2006. Again I thought my life had ended. One year and a few weeks later to his passing, our dad (his dad) had suffered a major stroke. I joined the dark/gothic side of the town I live in so am heavily sedated with dark clothing, black nail polish, chains, and the works. I am also a full-time volunteer/backup worker for an animal organization. I fell in love with another guy whom is the world to me but hasn't been able to see the same way yet he tells me he is in love with me and cares about so much but doesn't ever calls or returns my email. So I am to think he is playing with my heart as well. Then there was another guy that had cheated on me before he gave us a chance. He is the wheelchair bound dude that is a hillbilly redneck. Now that I reread that statement about the redneck, I think I am ok not being with him. Now my play with my heart guy comes crawling back and wants to give us a chance ... again. Im at a loss at what to do because I don't know want to be hurt again. So then my ex-friend wants to set me up with a guy who turns out to be a jerk too. Ii still at this time love Mike Westerman and want to still be with him so I think I will take him back and see if he really has changed and if so will stay with him. I could go on but I think I will stop writing now. So if life gets you down do some hard thinking before you settle with suicide! Its a permanent solution that seems like it will work but really will leave your current problems for other people and then some. If you want to talk please feel free to email and we will be in touch.
21 Apr 2007	Felicia The Great	It's Felicia the Great again! I guess it's safe to come back here. Some idiot was posing as Mouchette.org and it didn't really phase me. Where have Lucy Cortina and Billy the Freak gone? Nobody knows.
05 Apr 2007	shelly	jest to let you know everyone is different.I've tride to kill my self more that 20 times and I'm still trying I took rat poison 2 days ago and it takes 6 days to do it you want to die ...die I'm not going to give you some silly story telling you your going to go to hell... or your gonna hurt your love ones but don't do it cuz billy doesn't like you do it cuz you lost your vigernity to billy and he fucks you and your best friend < this is't real I hope jest an example> and yall been datein for 5 yr. or because you caught your gurlfriend sucking some random guys cock in the boys bathroom and you've been going out ever since 7th grade.......me well my ex donnie fucks me over all the time and I've been hurt more before him he says he love me then leaves me he says he can't live with out me but stabs me in the back say he hates me but then aks for me back so I'm going to die to be a pure ass hole a big one....hey you don't love me Donnie fine then cry cry and my grave and I think its really cool that I'll get to haunt him till he dies hope I don't go to hell I jest want to bother ppl. 1. gun 2.posion <note rat poison takes 6 day at the most> 3. hanging..<for 10mins...> 4. slit your wrist.<you got to be pretty mad to cut that deep.oh and stupids it's down when cutting not across> 5.stabing your self in the neck <owwwwwwww> 6.moms or dads or even grandmas pills <make sure there sleeping painkillers or heart meds..> 7......lets see...sit in the care while its running put a sock in the muffler stupid. 8...wat eles have I tride well um...,.....the guns the best.......or like um......real posion like the shit you can't get..... well Thats all I got oh and jumping but thats a mess...make sure you think about it 1st I've been tryin since I was 8yr. old and I'm still not dead and the pills they make you really sick so try to keep them down......I'm going to take more rat poison now hopefully it will speed up the processs and I'll die this week yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayayayyayaya good bye internet....shelly
14 Nov 2006	BillyBoBJoE	you shouldn't. that's all i have to say.
24 Apr 2006	Felicia The Great	To the people inclined to hate me! So yes you may say that I post stupid posts on this website but... ...That's what I do. And do you know why? (Not involving Lucy Cortina or Billy the Weeping Freak. But to the KNOWN CRITIC who promises a freaking rose garden to me, a diamond, and LATER gives me lip and calls me a cunt because I refused to bone him!) All because my boobs are bigger than all the girls that he HE-WHORE’s with and he is just freakin jealous. The only time he masturbates is with bread and later he calls it his ham sandwich. I could tell him to eat me, but he can eat himself. In the long run, he might enjoy it. But if he is flexible enough, he can do an encore by leaving a suicide note, sticking his nose up his ass, and farting his way to Jamaica.
12 Aug 2005	John Doe	listen to Billy Ray Cyrus' "Achy Breaky Heart" or any Marilyn Manson or System of a Down album.
16 May 2005	macca	plrobilly the easyest way to kill ur self is to put some bleach in a drink and drink it
10 May 2005	maca	not uffication coz when u pass out u start breathing again and live so probilly drowning coz when u pass out u wont start breathing again
08 May 2004	Felicia The Great	Hello Mouchette, Lucy Cortina, Billy the Weeping Freak, and all the new members... I have been on hiatus. I really apologize for not coming on this site as often as I should. But I have a poem for you guys that would give you a thought to ponder. "An Empty Heart is Filled" By Felicia A. Floresca "There is only one way to fill your empty heart. The only way to fill your empty heart is to have LOVE FOR LIFE. Without LOVE for this ONE LIFE, you feel that nothing around you exists. You have to realize that each portion of your life, whether good or bad, is a gift in which TIME can no longer take away from you and all this leads to happy or sad memories. We must allow ourselves by remember this... ...that allowing ourselves by remembering that LOVE FOR LIFE is the epiphany for living for EXISTENCE." Hang in there folks because "Today is the first day of the rest of your life."
11 Feb 2004	billy	sometimes i get so sad i want to hurt myself. sometimes i get so angry i want to hurt other people. (are you feeling suicidal; homicidal maybe? :( sometimes i get so scared i just want to hide. sometimes i get so tired i just want to sleep. ( do you like to withdraw, maybe you have seen a change in your sleep habits. :( sometimes i get so lonely i think there is no one out there. sometimes i get so extatic, i think the world and everything in it is mine for the taking. (do you want off the rollercoaster? :) i would give anything for a chance to feel normal. why is everthing so loud? why is everyone staring at me? why do people judge me because i'm different? how do you hide in a group of people? you act like everyone else. be yourself even if you are psychotic, paranoid, drug addicted, nut bag like myself. atl east i say what i think or maybe that's drinks talking.
22 Jan 2004	Lida	hello mouchette! hello billy! hello everybody! i am very happy to be free of pain, life is beautiful and you all are beautifull!!! i am not an english or american so i feel my english poor to express myself. the truth is that i enjoyed your writings a lot and i must tell you I AM HERE and i will stay here forever!!! -The black cat was injuring me in my dream all night and i was in a bloody mess, but i tell you, i feel good today, i woke up happy, my strumf was next to me sweet as always .- i want to say to the chinese guy i am sorry about all you chinese people.- soon i want to share with you my strong experiences of the present past, very soon, but you know, i want you to care for me, how can i feel free to talk?http://www.mouchette.org/pages/Lida/ is a place i have already put some of my early things. soon when i ll find my own space you can see the rest. Thank you mouchette for the space! it is my first time and i am double happy to do it through you! Athens is rainy today but i feel good!!! My love to everyone!
18 Jan 2004	Felicia born in the year of the Monkey	I missed you Phil! I thought you were gone. But you didn't appear in my dreams, so I assumed you were still alive. As one of my all time favourite posts posters please feel free to email me. I'm laying on the bed wallowing on my back, gazing at my protruding tummy. Hi Billy. My name is Felicia. "Lucy's" talked much of you because she has big boobies. To be quite honest, you are so funny! I had a blast reading about your overview on the "Mayan" civilization which involved crossed eyed babies with stones in the middle of their foreheads. I laughed so hard on both you and Lucy's comments, I almost busted a stitch and my guts almost fell all over the floor. Hi Elaine. You have a nice name. Please don't give up visiting this site because people still do care. If you need a woman to woman talk I am right here. But don't worry. I'm not lesbian. I'm strickly dickly. Ask Lucy about me and she'll give you a good word about me. Chris.... Please get started in writing your book which is a bit interesting. I don't know how you do it, but you write pretty long... and that's a talent that should be well spent on a good novel. and Mouchette.org... For dealing with me and deleting my gripes on loud cultural shock music and my bouts with shock therapy. Yes, I am coming of age. And yes, I am born in the "Year of the Monkey" which begins January 22nd 2004.
16 Dec 2003	billy the freak	hello my friends. if you liked my latest post and fiend for more like a junky on drugs you may curb your craving by checking out my earlier post in mouchettes favorites archive found exclusively @mouchette.org. and please email me at my new adress. i love feedback and will responde to all. have a good day.

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